#/aphobia mention | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hoarder-of-stories-27 · 2 years

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Aspec people who use the label “queer”, you’re so important. I’m glad you exist.

Aspec people who would use the label but feel they can’t because of aphobia, I’m so sorry. I wish you safety and peace.

Aspec people in general, I hope you’re having a good day. You deserve a community that accepts you.

#queer positivity #aro positivity #ace positivity #aroace positivity #aspec positivity #demi positivity #demisexual positivity #demiromantic positivity #asexual positivity #aromantic positivity #acespec positivity #arospec positivity #encouragement #my posts #/aphobia mention

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aropride · 1 year

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(ID: two memes using the "it's 2023 i'm done arguing / if you hate X i'm straight up murdering you" meme format. the first says "asexuals" and has a picture of the ace pride flag, and the second says "aromantics" and has a picture of the aro pride flag. end ID)

#text #I LOVE U ACES I LOVE U AROS #aphobia mention #peer reviewed banger

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redysetdare · 8 months

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Fandoms can be so blatantly aphobic and the moment any aspec person points this out it's "stop ruining our fun!"

Fandom erasing an aspec character and it's "The character didn't have a canon sexuality" "People have different headcanons!" "let people have fun!"

Fandom ships an aro/aroace character and erasing their aromanticism and it's "some aro people date!" "it's actually a QPR (lie)" "You're homophobic!" "Who cares? let people have fun!" "It's not hurting anyone!!!" "You're just hating on my ship!!! you're starting ship discourse!!!" "It's just a ship it's not real!!!"

Fandom will purposefully make characters they dont like "Heartless" "Unlovable" "they dont feel love" and justify it with "They're awful and terrible and evil" and "no it's not aphobic! you're aphobic actually for assuming these are connected to aspec people at all uwu"

Fandom will create soulmate AUs and when aspec people express how aphobic those AUs tend to be they throw a fit and say "it's just fiction! it doesn't hurt anyone!" "Platonic soulmates exist!!!" "You're just a hater!!!"

it's always "Stop ruining OUR fun" ignoring the fact that the are actively hurting aspec communities by consistently pushing and normalizing aphobia and amatonormativity within fandom spaces. Because aphobia is their fun. They don't want us in their spaces unless we conform to their comforts.

#text #fandom #aphobia #aspec #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #loveless aro #loveless #this is mostly aro and ace specific becuz its what i have experienced but aplatonics an other a-attractions feel free to add ur experiences #im sure there are a ton against you guys that i just havent seen #romance mention

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decolonize-the-left · 1 year

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Ive seen an influx in posts asking the LGBT community to hold itself accountable for ace/aro bigotry and they're fucking right.

How are we supposed to hold homophobes and transphobes accountable and demand they do better when we won't even do that for each other?

We're a community right? A family who's supposed to look out for each other? What happened to everyone being valid? Is a sibling saying "you hurt me, please correct it somehow" not valid?

For my part I'll admit I was part of this.

I was on the side of the asexual exclus back in the late 00's/early 10's. I was deep in the belief that oppression had to be systematic in order to count and at the time I didn't see any systematic oppression faced by aces. I even identified as ace and I didn't consider myself oppressed for being asexual. I saw the hostility and vitriol directed at aces everyday...but I didn't see it as wrong. I didn't see it as bigotry. I saw it as righteous anger.

I know how awful things were because I was one of the people making them that way. There is Real trauma that was experienced. There's no fucking way that a normal person could be invalidated that much and take the vitriolic bigotry aces/aros did everyday and have it not leave a lasting impact.

I fucked up. That was wrong and awful of me and I'm genuinely so fucking sorry.

I see the broken trust and promises between us now in 2023 and I see how shattered the community is and it's partly my fault. That gap is there because of me and people like me.

We should have loved and supported and welcomed you. We should have saw the way you were being treated and said something. You deserved to be protected and loved and supported from people who treated you that way.

And you weren't. We didn't. And it was normalized.

We absolutely fucking failed you as a community and as human beings. I need to own that. And I need to be one of the first people to trying to repair that.

And I know an apology is barely even a first step and I know it's just a drop in a giant bucket but I am sorry. For everything it's worth to you, I'm sorry.

Because of me and people like me you experienced the kind of identity trauma that typically only homophobes are capable of. And you experienced it at the hands of the community that's supposed to be fighting specifically that sort of ignorance against a-typical sexualities.

We fucked up

And it'd just be hypocritical salt in the wound if 10+ years later we ignored your asks for accountability and didn't do anything about it when it's resurfacing.

So yeah.

I was a bigot. I hurt people. I hurt my own community. I thought I was right and I wasn't. I was wrong. And so is everyone who insists on continuing that today.

There is no excuse or justification for it. I thought there was too but I was wrong and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for it.

Whatever justification you find for treating people with a-typical sexualities and genders is shit. It has no leg to stand on and it sure as hell isn't being done for the sake of the community.

The LGBT community was founded not by people with checklists on how to be a Good Gay or Acceptable trans woman but by people being treated like shit for who they were choosing to love or not love. It was founded by people who's gender didn't fit in cishet boxes. It was founded by people who just wanted to be free to exist as themselves.

You can't treat asexuals or aros or bisexuals or pansexuals like shit and say that it's in the name of the LGBT community.

It's not.

It spits in the face of everything our community is supposed to be and it's time someone besides aces and aros said it.

None of us should be okay with how they're treated and all of us should be part of stopping it

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taxi-boi · 20 days

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the vees are so funny because you know val would say some aphobic shit like "what do you MEAN someone can form meaningful bonds that transcend sex and even romance but especially sex. what do you MEAN not everyones lives revolve around fucking and sucking or atleast like loving if your into that shit" (romance nuetral arospec allosexual)

meanwhile his on again off again boytoy fuckpartner vox has never truly been sexually attracted to anyone in his life (high libido sex positive ace demi-aro with a propensity for alterous attraction *cough one-sided radiostatic cough*)

and the both of them are in a commited platonic/business relationship with velvette who has absolutely no sexual or romantic interest in either of them (idk if shes a lesbian or aspec or bi and they're just not her type in that way; but its all the same result)

and yet none of them view their partnership as anything below or lesser than compared to the romantic and sexual relationships they do have. if not outright being more important than those (QPR-cule)

and ofcourse vox and vel will be standing right alongside valentino as he says this, nodding along without a hint of sarcasm or self awareness because they also genuinely think they believe the same thing.

and if you try to point this out to any of them (and somehow convince them that what they have going on is queer platonic and aspec in nature) they'll just be like "yeah but we're The Vees, we're overlords, we can just do whatever the Fuck (or lack there of) we want" and you know what they're right

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mirrorofliterature · 2 years

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amatonormativity is one of the most harmful forces in society, actually.

it’s incredibly structural, and invisible, and if you don’t live outside striving for the monogamous ideals, it can be incredibly normalised to a very toxic extent

amatonormativity:

- contributes to abuse (people staying in relationships because they are manipulated into thinking that some romantic relationship is better than none)

- high divorce rates

- unhappy marriages

- unhappy relationships

- inability to live alone

- devaluing of friendship

- is underpinned and underpins ableism (disabled people’s humanity is often judged on their capacity for sex and love, particularly romantic)

idk, maybe we should take this seriously? all a lot of freedom movements - particularly feminism - are striving for are giving people choice on what to do with their lives.

amatonormativity is the societal norm. it is real, it is not good for anyone. relationship anarchy is cool.

anyway.

#amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia particularly #and discussing the social stigma on polyamory obliquely #tw abuse mention #divorce #I just think measuring how human someone is based on anything other than the fact that they are alive is always going to end badly #I saw a post earlier saying that aphobia is largely albeism #and oof I agree #particularly when it comes to people who have disorders like NPD or BPD #they are so dehumanised #like just treat other humans with basic respect and dignity?#literally the bare minimum

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thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove · 2 years

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having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

#actually aromantic #actually aro #aromanticism #alloaro #actually autistic #aspec #aphobia mention #queer #queerness #long post

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anti-terf-posts · 7 months

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One time I saw a TERF on Tumblr make fun of an asexual r*pe victim (the whole "you want to be oppressed so bad" BS) and I think that was the moment I finally realized TERFs are not actually anti-r*pe. They're not worried about trans people being predators nor do they care about r*pe victims. They just use that as a cover to make their transphobia look like feminism. It's absolutely disgusting and I can't wait until more people see TERFs as what they really are.

terfs stop being horrible people in every way challenge IMPOSSIBLE

#asks #anon #rape tw #terf mention #aphobia tw

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themadcapmathematician · 2 years

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One of the most frustrating thing abt aspec oppression is people refusing to understand that people don't just desexualized us, they don't just think "oh they're little babies that don't understand how adulthood works UwU pure beans", people project extremely sexual things onto us all the time. They treat us as subhuman predators that can never have a consensual romantic or sexual encounter and in fact are actively harmful to our partners, to our friends, to strangers, to children. They specifically treat alloaros like all they care about is sex and they just don't give a shit about their partners feelings, like they're preying on them. They call ace people "incels", like our problem is that we secretly want sex so bad but we just can't get it because we're undesirable, horrible people.

People are obsessed with our sex lives even if there's an assumed lack of them, they're obsessed with talking abt how much we fuck, with asking us extremely uncomfortable questions abt if and how we have sex, how many partners we have, is it a problem with our bodies? Do we at least look at porn or masturbate? Do we just like to have a quick fuck with someone without commitment? Do we like taking advantage of our partners pity or desperation? Are we talking to a therapist or doctor about getting that fixed?

Being aspec is treated a LOT like a kink, in fact I'd say the way people talk about kink is almost exactly the same way people talk about aro and ace identities. Can a relationship with you even be real or healthy? Can you even consent? Can your partner? Why would you do that to yourself, why would you do that to someone else?

That's not even getting into corrective rape, which is a really common experience among aspecs. It's honestly chilling to me to think about how a chronic experience in aspec communities is people violating our boundaries and consent, often with the intent of "fixing us", and yet people keep treating us as if our oppression can be summed up as, like, lacking any association with sex in a way that we're treated as pure and innocent. No, we are treated as subhuman (which, by the way, so are children), we are treated as receptacles for allo ppls own chronic discomfort with sex as a concept

#actually aromantic #actually asexual #actually aroace #aphobia #lgbtq #csa mention #madcap rants

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blubefishy · 4 months

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I think what hbomberguy missed out on his video was the way James Somerton also dismissed ace people's oppression by claiming that they didn't 'go through conversion therapy' or apparently 'suffered as much as gay men'.

So here's a video I want to share by the Ace Couple going into depth about the whole thing and how James reacted when called out... spoilers, he didn't react well. I just hope by James' mistakes he and other people can learn something and grow.

youtube

#mentions of sa racial violence and acephobic + homophobic slurs in the video so be careful #they also go into depth about how they funded his movie projects and how they got fucked around basically #i think maybe hbomber missed this or maybe the video was too long already so no hate towards him at all #tw conversion therapy #tw aphobia #tw acephobia #lgbt+#lgbt #queer #asexual #tw harrassment #james somerton #hbomberguy #Youtube

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anti-spop · 3 months

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i hate it when ppl justify g/limbow by using the argument that glimmer was jealous of bow going to the prom with perfuma in s1, therefore it was romantic.

but like... have you guys NEVER been jealous of a friend? seriously? because i've been and that is NOT strictly romantic. besides, bow rlly was glimmer's only friend before adora came, so it's understandable why she would be jealous. yeah she didn't deal with it in a healthy way at first, but i've been in glimmer's place. when you're insecure and you have little to no friends your whole life, you might get upset imagining that said friend is going to leave you. is it irrational? yeah, maybe. but again, it's understandable.

honestly this just screams amatonormativity to me. yeah, this definitely is the show's fault by shitting on all platonic relationships to fulfill the romantic ones, but fandoms overall definitely promote amatonormativity. and i say this again and again, but the spop fandom in particular is VERY aphobic.

#i post #spop critical #aphobia mention tw #anti stans #idk who thought that jealousy is romantic only #it's a very natural feeling

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no-passaran · 6 months

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Hi, it's Asexuality Awareness Week and I would like to share one of the reasons why it's important to raise awareness: including asexuality in legal protection.

One of the reasons why legal protections are necessary is the case of asylum seekers. Asexual asylum seekers, who are endangered in their home country, are routinely not accepted as asylum seekers because the legislation protects LGBT people but doesn't include asexuality in the acronym.

Let's see a couple of examples:

In 2018, an Algerian man applied for asylum in the Netherlands, explaining that he feared being persecuted in his country of origin for being asexual and for refusing to marry his niece.

The Netherlands, a country that accepts LGBTI asylum seekers, did not accept this man's asylum request because asexuality is not mentioned as being in the LGBTI. The court also said that asexuality is not punishable in Algeria. But not being legally called by its name and explicitly punished does not mean asexual people don't face discrimination, forced marriages, and threats of violence and rape. (Marriage itself, by the laws in most of the world, must include "consummation", whether the people involved want to or not).

This is the case of a 26-year-old woman living in Senegal, using the pseudonym Jade. Her family, across the border in Guinea, demanded that she find a man to marry. Her sister told her that if she didn’t, their parents would force her to wed a man who would rape her.

In Guinea and Senegal, forced marriages are common – the same sister who threatened Jade was in one herself. Divorce is also heavily stigmatised – when one of Jade’s cousins told her abusive husband she wanted a divorce, he said he would shoot her, her mother and himself.

Jade is a sex-repulsed asexual woman. She feared being married to someone she didn’t love and being subjected to so-called “corrective rape” until she bore children.

She considered suicide.

Her mother suggested sending her to therapy to fix her "aversion to marriage", when Jade refused, the mother said she'd "fix" her herself. She had Jade lay on the floor while she put her hand on her chest and prayed over her, asking afterwards whether she felt any different.

For a while, Jade’s last resort was escaping West Africa permanently. After she began studying in the US, it became her first choice. When researching what her options were, she found the case from the Netherlands that we've talked about before this one. She also found that legislations that aim to protect LGBTQI around the world don't include asexuality.

At present, the only piece of legislation which explicitly mentions asexuality is New York’s Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act of 2003. However, that didn’t help Jade. A New York lawyer told Jade that there was no information as to whether asexuality was grounds for asylum in the US. After a long process of trying in the USA, she couldn't make it but after a year and a half she found an opportunity to do an internship in Ireland, where she lives now.

Since leaving West Africa, Jade has learned that her parents had chosen a husband for her without her knowledge, not long before she managed to escape. She says that, had she not been able to escape, she wouldn't be alive today.

This is what people mean when they say "asexuals aren't LGBTI!", "We can't have asexuals stealing our resources!". These are the kind of resources they mean: the ones that could save the life of a person being discriminated against for not being heterosexual heteroromantic and not conforming to the normative ideas of what their love and sex life should be like. An issue that is deeply shared with the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community.

#💬#ace #ace awareness #asexual awareness week #asexual #asexuality #actually asexual #lgbt #lgbtqia #queer #asylum seekers #aphobia #acephobia #asexual awareness #queer rights #suicide mention tw #rape mention tw

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aropride · 4 months

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exclusionists saying they dont want ace discourse to come back bc it's "annoying" and "childish" or whatever is so... like, okay man. personally i don't want it to come back bc the amount of death and rape threats i've gotten for being aspec has significantly decreased since it stopped being trendy to openly mock us. and i'd like being aspec online to be a little bit safer for as long as possible. but sorry aspecs rightfully existing in queer spaces and asking not to be harassed is annoying to you, i guess. that sounds really hard to deal with.

#but i do still get em every time i have anon on and a post abt being aro gets a little too big .#text #rape mention #aphobia #discourse #(last two sentences of the post are sarcasm)

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the-lone-witch-and-secret-room · 2 years

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Just saw something that pissed me off, so: sex favorable aces are asexual. Just because you have sex and maybe enjoy that sex doesn’t mean you can’t be asexual.

Asexuality can include not wanting to have sex whatsoever (sex repulsed aces, which I am personally) or having sex for the sake of a partner but not actively seeking it out/enjoying it (sex neutral), but disliking sexual acts isn’t a requirement to be asexual.

What makes sex-favorable aces asexual is the fact that they don’t feel sexual attraction.

This is something that’s pretty universally shared between all asexual people, regardless of whether you fall under sex repulsed, sex neutral or sex favorable.

Other identities under the ace umbrella also include sexual attraction in their definition, e.g. demisexual, where you only start to feel sexual attraction when you have a bond with someone, and greysexual, where you feel sexual attraction, but only sometimes, under certain circumstances.

Asexuality is not just about the act of sex! It’s not about libido! There isn’t one way to be asexual, and just because you personally aren’t sex favorable doesn’t mean you can tell those people that they’re not actually ace because they don’t fit your definition! It’s shitty!

I’ve said this before, I will say it again: you do not get to dictate other people’s sexualities. Being queer doesn’t give you the right to be shitty to other queer people because you don’t understand their identities. Being ace does not give you the right to be shitty to other aces just because you don’t understand their identities.

Aroace people already struggle to be included in the queer community because people don’t consider us queer enough. Pray tell, why the fuck are we then throwing people out of the ace community for not being ace enough, for not fitting your cut-and-dry definition of asexual?

Sex-favorable aces are already super underrepresented in the asexual community. Don’t tell them to shut up because they’ll “confuse allo people” or they’re “twisting what asexuality actually is”. Do not tell marginalized people to shut up about their identity and experiences, ever.

Allo people are being aphobic and shitty because they do not care about us. They don’t care enough to do basic research, to even try to understand us or take our word for what our identity is. They don’t think we’re queer enough and think we just want attention.

This wouldn’t change if sex favorable aces didn’t exist. The only thing you’re doing is making other people feel shitty about who they are to appease people who already hate us or at least can’t be bothered to understand our identities.

Sex favorable aces can barely say anything online and they’ll immediately be accused of not actually being asexual from all sides. Why the fuck are we contributing to that?

Yes, allo people take the fact that sex favorable aces exist to write asexual characters in sexual relationships. But they write them the same way they’d write an allo person having sex, because they can’t be bothered to try and understand sex favorable aces either! They don’t care about any of us! They just want to make an asexual character allo and take the fact that sex favorable aces exist as an excuse.

This is not on sex favorable aces!! It’s on aphobes being shitty!!!

They’d still make ace characters have sex regardless of this because they don’t think we’re valid and don’t think that sex repulsed people can be in a happy relationship because relationships aren’t “real” relationships without sex.

Sex neutral people also have sex sometimes. We shouldn’t be invalidating them for that either. Stop being shitty to fellow aces just because they have sex and potentially don’t despise it!

Also, this part going out specifically to allos since I keep hearing this shit too: yes, some allo people are absolutely down to be in a relationship with ace people and not have sex. These conversations should absolutely be had before you enter a relationship, draw lines on what you are and aren’t okay with. But someone knowingly entering a relationship with an ace person is not being led on if that ace person doesn’t end up wanting sex! Ace people aren’t being selfish or malicious or manipulative for agreeing to be in relationships with allo people who are cool with having an ace partner!

You have no problem imagining an ace person being in a relationship with an allo person and compromising by having sex with them. Why is it so difficult to imagine the allo person could be the one to compromise and not have sex? Relationships are about so much more than just sex.

#eleena rants #asexuality #ace positivity #sex favorable #sex neutral #sex repulsed #queer community #ace community #I’m so annoyed can you guys not #aphobia #tw sex mention #long post

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numberonepartyboy · 4 months

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wow. just got blasted with arophobia as a aro man!!! thanks guys!!! good to fucking know most of the lgbt+ community fucking hates me and sees me as predatory!!! get hit with a fucking bus if you hate aromatic men!!!!! im literally so fucking tired of this 'discourse'. it's 2024 already and all of you are still fucking think that all men are predatory WHICH IS A TERF IDEALOGY BY THE FUCKING WAY. the radfem rhetoric never truly left the queer community. and it's terryfiyng that the only place where i can express myself thinks of me as a predator, bc i don't exprerience romantic attraction which is i guess means that i only want to fuck people and abuse them. holy shit go fuck yourself.

IF YOU THINK THAT ARO MEN AREN'T QUEER BLOCK ME. IM SERIOUS. IM AN ARO NB MAN AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU ONLY SUPPORT 'QUEER AROS'. ALL AROS ARE QUEER!!!

#aromantic #pinning this post. serioursly if you think that aros are predators literallt kys. get the fuck off my blog.#pinned post #arophobia #aphobia #abuse mention #im so fucking angry. fuck off

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 2 months

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this reminds me of the time i told an aphobe "go fuck yourself with a cactus" and i was accused of making "rape threats"

#the aphobia wars really were a stupid era #anyway i hope photomatt recovers from his complete absence of a spine and conscience <3 #rape mention #rape tw

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