#//okay. i'm going to finish my little episode and then..? [jazz hands] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iturbide · 2 years

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I love how this whole chain went from:

grab your mini pitchforks -> grab the popcorn

really fast. Anywho, other than that jazz, how are you doing overall?

I will gladly take popcorn over pitchforks any day (the pitchforks are their own brand of entertainment, but the popcorn is always fun)

Other than that I'm doing okay, though! Still really excited that the Lodestar.sys zine is out (I still think my piece in there is one of the best things I've ever written), but besides that most of my energy is spent keeping track of kittens so other things have been put on the backburner:

I mean. Look at these little hellions.

don't let Hubert's murderous look fool you, Ferdinand is equally naughty

With them in mind, my bookbinding experiments have been put on the backburner for a while; I'm about halfway through my test copy of Crown of Shadows, though -- the signatures are all folded and stitched, the textblock has been sanded, the endpapers are attached (though I want to give the whole thing a final sanding to get things nice and even), and the covers have been cut to size -- and I think it's coming together really nicely so far! I'm thinking about kicking into it again this weekend, since I'd like to get a few copies of Proof of Life together to use as a testing ground for some cover stuff I want to play with before going all-out on the hardcover.

After Crown of Shadows (which I might make another copy or two of, just to keep trying my hand at the flat back book format, we'll see) I'd really like to do a copy of Heart of the Moon with a rounded back, since that one's so much bigger: Crown of Shadows clocks in around 41.5k words and I managed to fit it into 6 signatures (a little big for a flat back, but still reasonably in range for it), while Heart of the Moon sits at 60k and looks like it'll need 11 signatures total, making it a good choice for experimenting with rounding.

(Once I have a little more experience with different formats under my belt, I'd really like to start binding more of my favorite fics and trying to get in touch with the authors to gift them copies of their works; I'm starting with mine since they're just for me, so it's fine if they go sidways...though I guess if anyone would want a hard copy of something I've written, let me know?)

Aside from there, I've been thinking about picking up a video game again but haven't done it yet (again, in part because of kittens who are Too Interested in the TV sometimes). Choices are between Legends Arceus again since I still want a shiny Hisuian Zorua or two, Horizon: Zero Dawn since I picked that one up a while ago and still haven't finished out the damn intro, the latest God of War because it's all Norse mythology and I'm predictable, or Three Houses to finish out that Azure Moon playthrough and go back to Claude because I love and miss him...but I haven't committed.

Instead I've just been playing stuff in the background and occasionally paying attention. I had a craving for Retro Anime recently and picked up Detective Conan again (I love this comedy murder show but it messes me up sometimes, there are some heavy episodes). Also finished Spy x Family and I'm sobbing I love them and October can't get here soon enough because then I get both the second half of Spy x Family's first season and Season 3 of Mob Psycho 100 which I am so stoked for you have no idea. And lucky for me, Nona the Ninth comes out in September, which should tide me over until the new anime I yearn for arrives.

Writing has been stalled basically since the start of the year and continues as such. I'm still stuck with just chapter 7 of last year's Chrobin Week to finish, and I have a bunch of other ideas that I'd like to start exploring, both for Awakening and Three Houses (since I'm desperately missing Claude), as well as an original piece that I've been rolling around for years that's come back to the forefront recently. We'll see what if anything comes out of any of that, but it might just end up being a sparse year on writing.

Anyway yes that's my long-winded status update ramble

#answered #anonymous #yes i am going to spam kitten photos #you can't stop me #anyway lots of stuff for anyone interested in minutiae #everything from bookbinding to watch lists

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tiny-slasher · 3 years

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Billy Lenz x Reader | Coffee Shop AU | Part 2

(Mild blood tw)

The lights were beginning to worsen the never-ending headache Billy always seemed to have. They were too bright- and if the loud music blasting in his ears wasn't bad enough, the crowd of people loudly conversing sure was. Overly loud noises never managed to drown out the bad thoughts from Billy's mind...it just made them yell louder.

"Sorry, your drink is almost finished!"

Billy just glared at them, even folding his arms to make a point. Nearly ten whole minutes of his life wasted on waiting for a drink he probably wouldn't even enjoy. He prided himself in being able to brew quality beverages, even if his customers didn't have enough tastebuds to appreciate them. There was no way this...person could possibly outdo him. Their customers probably only came for the horrible music, and loud laughter of others. Overrated, and extremely irritating.

"Here you go! One latte," they said, giving Billy that smile. "Sorry, it's a lot busier here today than usual. You picked a heck of a day to come visit!"

"S'fine," Billy said, grabbing his to-go cup and giving them a wide and plastic smile.

"You okay? You look a little pale..."

"...S'loud."

They nodded in reply, wringing their hands a bit guiltily. As Billy sipped on his latte (which was disgusting), they leaned over the counter and gave him a kind smile.

"I was going to close up early today anyway, if you still feel like sticking around?"

Stick around? In this nightmare?? Who the hell did they think they were-

"Okay."

Fuck.

They had the nerve to wink at him as they went back to work. It made Billy want to vomit. If it weren't for the small child picking out a cookie not five from him, he would have, if only to see the look on their face - see if they winked and gave him that sickening smile after that! As it was, they would steal glances in his direction every so often, oblivious to the compulsions running through Billy's thoughts, and itching at his fingertips.

They should be thankful he had recently started working on that in therapy, otherwise they'd have been in a real mess. Literally.

Billy tapped his foot, watching the way the faux leather of his boot shone in the harsh lights above him, too dull to reflect the scowl on his face. Despite the atmosphere, Billy felt himself less bothered by the ordeal than he'd expected.

That was beginning to change with the increasingly loud complaints from the child near him.

"I don't want- I want the cookie! Mama, please- are you listening? I don't want a muffin! MAMA!"

Billy slammed his drink onto the counter before his fist, now clenched from annoyance, could crush the cup. As it was, some of his latte splashed out and hit him on the back of the hand.

"Take these again, for to the noble mind. Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind," Billy mumbled, clenching his jaw.

He felt them turn to look at him, and he wondered if they had actually heard him over the loud, obnoxiously generic jazz music blasting throughout the room. He couldn't bring himself to look at them, knowing it would only overwhelm him to do so. Still, the hairs on his neck stood up as he continued to ramble, trying to drown out everything and regain some composure.

Slowly, he felt his heart rate slow, and his nerves calm. He managed to relax his hands enough to stretch out his fingers, sighing at the feeling of his joints releasing. He straightened his back, took in a deep breath, and-

His leg nearly gave out as the whining kid shoved themself into his side, completely ignoring him and continuing to complain about their mother's choice of muffin. Billy's hands gripped the counter as he nearly fell to the ground, and narrowly avoided splashing scalding hot coffee all over himself and the child beside him. The kid glanced in his direction once, but then continued to pay him no mind - clearly focused on getting the dessert he wanted, instead of apologizing.

There was a loud ringing in Billy's ears as he grit his teeth and clenched his fists, angry and humiliated at not only being knocked over, but being ignored. Not even the kid's mother paid any mind to him, or apologized on their behalf.

Only harsh pants of breath escaped his lips as he tried to regain self control. His fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, no doubt leaving welts behind. He shook so hard he couldn't see clearly.

"She s-speaks mu-much of her f-father. S-says s-she...hears..."

Billy could no longer feel his fingers, or his toes. His heart felt as if it had stopped beating, and was simply sitting outside of his body. He felt a pressure around his waist, and visually he could tell that he was moving, but all he could focus on was the ringing. It sounded similar to an old rotary phone...

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrrring!

His vision grew dark for a moment, before white lights fulled the area. He could see a shape in front of him that seemed so familiar...

Brrrrrrring!

It was a person...he knew this person...but...

Brrrrrrrring!

HE COULDN'T THINK OVER ALL THE RACKET. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UPSHUTUPSHUTUP-

"Billy?"

He heard his name whisper through the noise. He could feel a pressure over his hands, gentle but grounding. He felt the way his lungs expanded as he breathed a bit too quickly, and as his heart raced in his chest. The shape in front of him cleared a bit as his shaking subsided, revealing a pair of concerned eyes staring back at him.

"Billy? Are you alright?"

Blinking once, Billy took in his surroundings. He was sitting in a chair in what he assumed was a back room, filled with boxes of unopened coffee grounds, and unused to-go cups. Rectangular ceiling lights burned into his eyes as he stared directly into them. He saw the carcass of a bug lying in the cover of one, wondering how long it had been there. It was some sort of beetle...

He turned back to them.

Suddenly, everything came rushing back to him. His eyes widened and felt his throat tighten as his pulse picked up from fear.

"Did I hurt anyone?" his voice was a frightened whisper.

Confusion took over their features, staring almost in disbelief at him.

"No...you were having some sort of panic attack, I think."

Billy's shoulders slumped in relief, and he tried to wish away the nausea in his tummy. He fought the urge to rip at his hair, and instead settled for staring up at the light again and letting it burn into his retinas.

"I took you back here where it's quieter...I'm sorry, I didn't really know what else to do..."

"S'fine..." Billy mumbled, unable to look at them.

As he glanced down, he realized their hands were holding his clenched fists. He jerked his hands away as if they’d been burned, his heart threatening to leap out of his throat.

They backed off upon seeing his reaction, looking a bit lost.

Staring down, he relaxed his hands, watched as the crescent shapes in his palms beaded with blood. A few of the cuts were fairly deep, considering he’d just trimmed his nails (for this exact reason).

"Oh no, here I'll get some bandages for that-"

They got up and left the small room, rustling what sounded like a container nearby for medical supplies.

Billy sighed, disappointed in himself. He'd had another episode...the first one in a while...and he hadn't been ready for it. He should have been. He knew he had been in a weird mood all morning, but he still decided to get coffee and visit them. He knew it was a bad idea. He should've have been more prepared. He should have done better.

Useless. Pathetic. What a pathetic excuse of a human being. No wonder he had no friends. No wonder his family wouldn't speak to him. Who would want to hang out with such a sad, miserable-

"I'm back! I brought some bandages and disinfectant!" their voice was so soft and gentle as they quietly opened the door.

“I’m back...” Billy whispered too quietly for them to hear.

They kneeled in front of him, opening up a packet with a disinfectant wipe.

"Can I see your hands?" they asked him, patiently waiting for him to respond.

He nodded, still unable to look them in the eyes, and held open his hands. The alcohol burned as it ran against the cuts on his palm, but he deserved it. He deserved to feel pain-

"You doing alright?" they asked, cutting off his thoughts. "I hope it doesn't burn too much...these look painful."

"...I've had worse."

They glanced up at him, brow furrowed, but said nothing. Setting the wipe down, they grabbed the bandages and began wrapping one of his hands. He watched how they ran it around and around, pulling it snugly, but not too tight. Definitely, not as tightly as he would have, if he'd been doing it himself.

"I'm sorry for what happened... You didn't deserve that."

Yes he did.

"I understand if you want to leave..."

See? They didn't even want him. They were trying to get rid of him, just like everyone else-

"But, I’d love if you stayed. I already turned the closed sign on the door..."

Billy watched the bandage wrap his other hand, as the two of them sat in silence. They were being so sickeningly sweet to him, as usual.

"You just want me to tell you my latte recipe."

Their laugh was so abrupt and loud and made Billy jump, but he couldn't help but notice the butterflies in his stomach at the sight of their smile. It was brighter than the damn lights.

"Nah, it would take away the magic. I prefer not knowing," they giggled. "It's your iced coffee you should watch out for."

"Fuck iced fucking coffee."

They covered their mouth, trying to contain their laughter. It didn't work, but Billy found it extremely annoying that he could stare at their teeth anymore.

He reached up and grabbed their wrist, catching them off guard, and gently pulled their hand down. Their smile began to wilt out of confusion, and Billy frowned in disappointment.

Probably because he was being a creep. Disgusting, filthy, nASTY-

Billy let go of their wrist with a sigh. Their eyes searched his face, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

"You always seem to have so much on your mind..." they whispered.

Billy grimaced and turned away from them. He swallowed down the acid reflux creeping up his throat.

“I'm always here, if you need someone to vent to. I’d be happy to listen."

Disgusting. It made him sick.

Slowly, Billy looked into their eyes, seeing no signs of malice. He ignored the beat his heart skipped.

"Come on, I'll make you some iced coffee," they winked with a smile, standing up and offering their hand to him.

He stared at it for an abnormally long length of time, looking at the shape of their nails.

Hesitantly, he reached out his own hand and took theirs, acknowledging the way their skin felt against his fingers. It was more comforting than he was willing to admit, and much more intense now that he was aware of it.

He was beginning to suspect that they knew that before he did.

They were horrible.

#slashers #slasher #billy lenz #billy lenz x reader #for all the ppl asking for a second part #here u go #now I can die in peace #blood tw #it’s really mild but I’m throwing it in there just in case

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