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javisjeanjacket · 4 years

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The Phantom Menace Drunk Re-Watch

A/N: y’all asked for more reviews and I am here to serve. :) also THE HORSE IS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL CAN I GET A HELL YEAH YOU KNOW I HAD TO CELEBRATE SOMEHOW!!

I am already regretting re-watching this god awful movie but i can’t do maul dirty

there are spoilers for phantom menace in this list but like...its been out for 21 years. if you havent seen it yet what the fuck are you doing

Jesus christ this thing is 2 hours long fuck me

Starting the opening crawl off with a bunch of high brow political information was a BOLD move at best

Obi-Wan "I have a bad feeling about this." Kenobi

YESS OBI AND QUI FUCK EM UP BOIS

Okay okay wait so around 7 minutes into the movie they have a standoff with two droidekas and the droidekas are kicking their asses and so they escape and then somehow just zoom out of the frame?? like they don't walk they're just pulled by some kind of force??? 1999, man

Obi: "The negotiations were short" what a smug ass bitch i love it

"A communications interruption can only mean one thing-invasion" dude what the hell that can not be the case. have you checked the wifi router my guy

Oh fuck I forgot jar jar binks is in this movie get me another beer

also who plays jar jar?? becauseeee I just want to talk. why would you do this to us

That cheek blubbering shaking he does?? JAIL. I AM ABSOLUTELY PUTTING YOU UNDER ARREST STOP RIGHT NOW

Do you think the phantom menace was for the prequels what rise of skywalker was for the sequels in terms of disappointment in the theater

So fun fact about me I have a horrible fear of the ocean and water in general so this whole underwater sequence is literally making my skin crawl

Naboo is vaguely reminiscent of rivendell from lord of the rings I said what I said

While I do respect how much effort they put into the political side of this movie's plot I feel like it's kind of getting in the way tbh

HELL YEAH FIGHT SCENE IN THE HANGAR BAY

"hello boyos." Me trying to flirt

What makes me emo is knowing that R2 was there for literally everyone's adventures and he saw it all and he knows it all but he can't tell anyone :(

MAULLLLLL HELLO SIR ITS V NICE TO SEE YOU

Jar jar is the 8th circle of hell

How tall is Natalie Portman?? because standing next to Liam neeson she looks like she's about 3 feet 4 inches

Anakin's first words to Padme: "are you an angel?" 🥺🥺 Oh-

Watto's neck beard makes me increeeeedibly uncomfortable

Also why doesnt Jedi mind control work on toyardarians?? I have questions

Jesus christ sebulba is terrifying

OBI'S CAPE IN THE WIND SO MAJESTIC I LOVE IT

Okay so at 38:38 into the movie r2 is going into Ani's bedroom and there's a wood carving that looks exactly like Maz Kanata??? 👀👀👀

🥺🥺🥺 3PO and R2 meeting for the first time!!!

Not jar jar eating his food from his plate like a fucking dog please just kill me

Qui-Gon: "I don't know there's just something about this boy." Me about literally anythinf with a pulse and floppy brown hair

C-3PO: "You know, I find that Jar Jar creature to be a little odd." Lol SAME

What is wild to me is that ani's midichlorian count is dummy thicc but it's not talked about enough to be something I remember

MAUL HAS ENTERED THE SCENE THE MAN IS HERE EVERYONE BATTON DOWN THE HATCHES

Qui-Gon to Watto: "Patience, my blue friend." Sksksksk Qui-Gon please

Wait wait wait one of the pod racer announcers is played by one of the guys who was on Whose Line is it Anyway? I just realized! What an amazing show I miss it everyday

That animal farting in jar jar's face lol he deserves it

Also lol why is sebulba so mean to Anakin?? Anakin is like 9 years old. Sebulba is definitely full grown. grow up you fucking loser

I've reached that point in my drinking adventure that I am get very tired so fingers crossed that I don't fall asleep 🤞🏻

Watching this pod race sequence as a child is part of the reason I have so much anxiety now

"Skywalker's spinning out of control!" Lol same

Anakin ate that race tbh

Has anyone written qui gon x shmii content?? because he just put a hand on her shoulder and 👀👀 I am thönking

MAUL V QUI FIGHT SCENE LETS GOO

Listen LISTEN Anakin is like what 9 or 10 in this movie and Padme is ?? 15? 16? No dude. No giving of a necklace and saying "I care for you" absolutely not. JAIL

Palpatine is so good at emotionally manipulating people he must drive a Honda Accord and his favorite movie must be Clockwork Orange

MACE WINDU I SEE YOUUUU YEEHAW

The reveal of Padme as queen doesn't make any sense. Like why?? You could have just waited until it was absolutely necessary bro no need for a dramatic entrace

Anakin too baby to be in battle

Wait is this movie the Star Wars version of the classic man vs technology?? because I'm thinking about the gungans which are very like organic and versus the droids

Also the gungans shield didn't stop the droids from just straight up walking through so like what the fuck is the point guys

YASSSS Maul and Obi and Qui-Gon here we go!!

Seeing maul bust out the double edged lightsaber really made me tingle when I was a young lass

This maul fight is incredibly extra but what else do you expect from the Star Wars franchise

Qui-Gon meditating while waiting for the barrier to fight Maul is absolutely too much

Yay!! the evil donut blows up

IN CONCLUSION

I did fall asleep towards the end there I'm not gonna lie, but ya know, we've all seen this movie before, so.

it was just as horrible as i remembered it but like....i did enjoy falling in and out of sleep as it played in the background so that counts for something right??

#the phantom menace #BIDEN IS PRESIDENT BABY #BOTTOMS UP LADS #drunk rewatch

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