My mum just...

„You got so skinny in such a short time. You’re eating right? You aren’t anorexic are you?“

Me:

fuck this is me

reblog if you’re constantly torn between wanting to say fuck it and eat whatever you want and wanting to starve yourself till you die

*Meanspo Warning*

Only for me but y’all can use it

Oh wow. You really couldn’t finish your fast. You said you would start it and you couldn’t even make it through 15 hours. Honestly you should just stop trying. You can’t do anything right. Your friends see it. Your family sees it. EVERYONE SEES IT. They all see what a fucking failure you are. I thought you would be able to lose at least a pound this week but instead you gained 5 back. You eat for like 4 people everyday. It’s no wonder you look the way you do. Always thinking about food. Always eating. You say you hate eating food. You say you hate food. SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL EATING. Fucking hell. I never get this mad but seeing you fail at everything including starving yourself is fucking with me. You don’t workout when you say you are going to workout. You don’t stick to your diets. You don’t do anything right. I won’t be surprised if you end up as an obese pile of shit stuck in bed just getting fatter and fatter by the day. Go look at yourself in the mirror. You see that? Fat legs. Fat stomach. Fat arms. EVERYTHING ON YOU IS FAT. You need to try harder and quit being a lazy piece of shit. Stop sitting on your ass and go make a diet plan that you’ll start tomorrow. Go drink some fucking water and enjoy your last meal for the next week. You better have lost some weight the next time I fucking see you.

please respect people who are mentally ill and disabled who cannot work. please respect people who look like they’re just relaxing all day when really they’re waging an internal war just to stay alive or fight their pain. please respect people who could not finish school, people who had big plans and could not see them through because of disability. people who look from the outside like they’ve “given up” or “aren’t doing anything.” people who are hospitalized repeatedly or permanently, and people who are grown adults who are still dependent on others. please respect disabled and mentally ill people. 

this is not a polite suggestion, by the way. it’s an angry demand. we are people, and we deserve the same respect as anyone else.

I'm back, starting another journey.. I've been replacing my fail ramadhan fasting for 6 days and I only ate a little like mostly water. keep fighting !

i ended up breaking my fast at 42hours , and guess what i binged lmao fml i even ate crackers before sleep , yesterday intake was about 1800cals and i gained 0,5kg haha

I've been fasting for 32h ,

my last longest fast was 26h so it's so nice I don't feel hungry I feel full just by smelling the food my family eat and I just really like the feeling of emptiness inside of me

I've been fasting for 32h ,

my last longest fast was 26h so it's so nice I don't feel hungry I feel full just by smelling the food my family eat and I just really like the feeling of emptiness inside of me

POV: you’re scrolling through tumblr instead of facing your problems like a normal human being

ed culture is fishing the packaging out of the bin to read the calories

my motivation as someone with a high sw and cw

~the thing that makes me most motivated is the fact that i am Fat, that’s a fact. it’s not just a “oh i look fat today” i am overweight. i have a belly and my bones don’t show, i can squish my thighs and my face is round.

after losing 15 pounds

i’ve gotten complements from my family like “you’ve lost weight i can see it in your face” “you look great! i need to do what you’re doing!” “your legs look slimmer”

my friend who is very honest about everything (and sometimes is too honest) grabbed around my wrist and he said “your wrists are so tiny!! you’re so small”

my collar bones are starting to peak through, i can’t stop feeling them and when i turn you can fully see them

i know this is a small victory but my fingers do not touch now, they don’t look as stubby. my fingers look longer (i’ve always wanted my fingers to look long bc i play piano and i want those pianist fingers)

my face just looks?? nicer?? when i walk by mirrors my double chin is so much less visible i feel prettier and it makes me smile

certain outfits look different on me, not baggy yet bc i have a LONG way to go but things just fit better and i don’t feel as repulsive

things that i look forward to

more defined collar bones. the fact that my collar bones will show without any effort is just! so motivating

my feet and hands to look slim and dainty rather than pudgey

for my sweatshirts to get even bigger on me

to be able to wear jeans again instead of leggings all the time, and actually like how i look

thigh highs to fit correctly and not roll down bc they’re too tight on my thighs

to not be scared during sex/ be able to do more doing sex because my size won’t limit or control me

to see how my bones look, i have always been on the larger side bc i am 4’11”. ive been in a vicious cycle of restricting and binging it all back since i was about 13 because i never had a scale and i would get frustrated after losing weight bc my dsymorphia just,, i never see change. but my scale is forcing me to see the change and i’m just so excited to see the bones in my hand without having to flex it

the bone in my wrist will jut out more

h i p b o n e s- i like to push through the fat and sort of feel them bc i’ve never seen how they look so when i drop more weight i’ll finally be able to feel them and see them!!!!!

thigh gap!! even if it’s not large just a little gap will make me so happy and it’s slowly starting to happen

because i am so short, once i get to my ugw or even a little before it i will look so little and dainty, my boyfriend already says i’m tiny regardless of my weight, so wait until i’m even smaller!!

these are just some of the motivations of a bigger girl, i know how hard it is to start at a high weight bc it’s so hard to see changes on other people and then look at yourself and see no change at all because it takes us so much more to see results. that’s why i’ve given up so many times, the most i’ve lost is thirty pounds but i gained it all back bc i didn’t look like a twig at that point but you know what? i’ve accepted that it’s going to take longer and it’s going to be hard and i think that it makes me or anyone going through a similar battle pretty bad ass. we will be skinny, it’s all about patience and hard work. be nice to yourself and take things slowly to avoid binges and it’s okay if you binge!! if you’re not in recovery please do not beat yourself up or throw all of your progress out the window okay? i know it’s frustrating and people make you feel like this is just a diet regardless of the fact that you are starving yourself but your ED is valid and if you feel like no one acknowledges or cares, i do. stay strong and safe and if you want recovery, PLEASE recover. this is more directed for the people who are past the point of recovery. thanks for listening to my little rantings ❤️

being in your early twenties is like [grocery shopping alone] [having instant noodles for dinner] [remembering random details about that one friend you haven't spoken to in five years] [feeling overwhelming guilt for every purchase that isn't strictly "necessary"] [having midday naps] [finding out through facebook that the girl who was mean to you in high school has a husband and a baby] [falling a little in love with every stranger on public transport] [pretending you're not afraid of being alone] [wondering when you'll feel like a fully realized person] [listening to bands you liked in middle school] [blinking and it's suddenly december] [failing to imagine yourself ten years from now] [feeling like you're running out of time]

You know what really helps?

To have a word. A phrase you say to help you snap the hell out of it, stop what you’re doing and get some damn self control.

I usually say “control” or “self control” repeatedly until I realize I shouldn’t eat and I need to have self control. I promise you, this has helped me a lot on multiple occasions! If I’m right about to have a REALLY bad binge, saying this for about a minute over and over actually stops me. I highly suggest you try it too!

I just want to leave like I never existed.

I don’t want anyone to remember me,

I don’t want to hurt anyone.