These past two months have been some of the most difficult of my entire life. I've had to let a lot go. I've also had to realize I became someone I never wanted to be. It happened slowly, I think, at first. Then one day it hit me that I didn't like who I was very much. I didn't recognize myself. Some days I still don't.

So I made some changes. Deleted pretty much all of my social media, changed my mindset, trying to keep away all of the negativity, focus on what matters to me and what I can control. I'm trying to keep the hope I used to have, the love I used to have for the world. It's hard to hold onto, but I guess when it's the hardest is also when it's the most important to keep.

I'm trying to accept the mistakes that I made. I'm trying to be gentle with myself about it, but truthfully I'm constantly beating myself up over them. I don't think I'll ever really forgive myself. But I'm trying to be better every day and find a way to cope with it.

I'm not necessarily trying to be who I was before, because I don't think I can ever be her again. She didn't know the things I know now, didn't experience it yet. I've changed. Sometimes it feels like there's a heavy cloud in my head at all times. But I want to change, I want the clouds to part and feel the sun again. I want to hope again. I want to trust again. I hope I'll get back there.

to my dear, with all my love ♡ x

one of the greatest tragedies in life is that you will always be loved more than you will ever know. someone in class finds your presence inviting and warm, even if you’ve only ever exchanged a few words with them—maybe none at all. someone on the street loves your smile and it gets them down the next few streets. someone you used to be friends with still wishes to fondly call your name. someone you used to be friends with five years ago would give anything to be in the same room as you today. someone who regularly comes into work is disappointed when you aren’t there to brighten their day. someone missed you today. someone noticed you were gone. someone loves you when you’re there; someone loves you when you’re nowhere to be found at all. you think you have always disappeared when you’re no longer in the picture, but you’ve never left the frame.

im.littlehome__

i love love <333

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvB-hJorbjq/

“And I will wait for you like the leaves for their rain…”

― Avijeet Das

I get missing the Honeymoon Phase of the relationship once you're out of it but like what is a relationship if not Hanging Out. There is no higher form of love, of human connection, than Hanging Out. Why would you ever give up on that. All of mankind's endeavors, the very instinct wired into us as biological creatures, all of it points towards the holiness inherent to Just Chilling With Someone

my heart's full to the brim w the joy of loving btw. i'll die one day but also i won't. on account of the love.

ネモフィラと彼女

by noeinoey

mentally i’m here