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sunshineshobi18 · 11 months
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You Don't Look At Me (part 3)
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words: 5.2k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Ellie x female!OC cw: strong languge, angst, violence, I might be forgetting stuff summary: Finally settled in Jackson with her new "family" things seem to go well enough until all crumbles.
note: thank you for your patience. Updates are coming much slower than I like, but I'm just really busy with school lately. I'm sorry for the long wait.
(prologue) (part 1) (part 2)
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“Mornin’ sweetheart,” Julia said with a bright smile on her face as Lori sat herself down at the table in the kitchen. Lori smiled tiredly at her, still not being used to such a bright and bubbly personality around her. It was nice though and Lori accepted the change with an open mind.
Julia turned to the counter for a second before facing Lori again and placing a plate full of food in front of the girl. She snickered, seeing Lori’s face immediately brighten at the sight of eggs, bacon and some fresh baked bread buns. “Fresh baked bread?” Lori’s voice jumped an octave and her wide eyes snapped between Julia and Robert, who both chuckled. “This is fucking amazing—”
Instantly, the room filled with tension as Lori slapped her hand in front of her mouth. Robert bit his lip, feeling out the air and waiting for someone else to speak up first. It was Julia who spoke first after letting out a disappointed—nearly overexaggerated—sigh. “It’s okay,” she said with a throw of her hands. It was like she was telling it herself more than she was telling Lori. “I get it. You spent too much time with that grumpy man and that potty mouthed daughter of his.” Lori felt her hands clam up, but she said nothing, only nodded her head as her gaze fixed on her breakfast. “I’ll let it slide, but just mind your language.”
“Yes.” Ma’m, she had wanted to say. It was not the first time Julia had been visibly affected by Lori’s way of talking or doing, but it was the first time Lori had been actually scolded by the older woman. The usual light hearted and happy nature of the woman was pretty much indiscernible. Instead, Julia held a fake smile, with clear distaste behind it.
Robert chuckled awkwardly, “eat, Lori.” He nodded towards her food and walked around the table to his wife—quickly giving Lori’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. The couple then disappeared into the study slash office room and all Lori could hear was muffled conversation.
-
“Heeeey.” Lori hadn’t the time to look to the side before she felt someone sitting next to her. “So how’s Mrs. and Mr. perfect treating you?”
“What are you doing here?”
The person shifted awkwardly in their spot and Lori couldn’t help but curse herself. She knew that they had noticed the unusual quiver in her voice. “Are you— I— You told me you’d teach me how to solve these one day?” It sounded more like a question than it should have.
Lori watched Ellie’s finger come into her view as she pointed at the book of sudokus in front of her.
“Right…” Lori’s voice trailed and Ellie couldn’t help, but notice how off Lori seemed.
“I didn’t want to ask, but you got me worried.” Ellie chuckled hesitantly and Lori looked up to match her gaze. “Are you okay? I thought you felt happy with Julia and Robert.”
Lori nodded, expertly spinning her pencil between her fingers. “No, they’re great. I like it there a lot.”
Ellie grimaced at Lori’s unconvincing tone. “You sure?”
“I shouldn’t be spending time with you.”
Ellie seemed to take great offence to that statement. “Why? Did your new little family tell you that?” The amount of venom that laced that word. Family. Lori could feel a chill running down her spine, knowing she wouldn’t be able to forget the way Ellie said that word for the coming days at the least.
“They may have, but it’s me who thinks I shouldn’t be talking to you.”
In a split second, Ellie’s anger and defensiveness died. Her shoulder slumped and her face fell into a frown. “Why would you think that?” Despite the sadness, Ellie’s words still were harsh and pointed.
“I don’t think I ever liked you,” Lori stated, forgoing the chance to look at Ellie’s reaction by staring out to the people at the workshop just across where she and Ellie were sitting—at a table outside one of the meeting spaces of Jackson. “I hated you and then you became the reason I hate Joel, but luckily for you I’m sure I hate Joel more than you.”
Ellie’s mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before she ultimately decided against saying anything. She stood up with a loud and clear huff before childishly taking Lori’s book and harshly sliding it off the table. It snatched on some of the splintering wood, causing some tears in the pages. It then fell into a puddle of mud rendering the book likely unsalvageable. She then stormed off.
Lori was confident saying what she said, but rather unconfident in the truth of what she said.
-
Don’t come in here, Lori thought as she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. Don’t come in here, she thought when the footsteps stopped before they walked down the hallway and the sound grew louder. Don’t come in here, she continued to think even when the doorknob of her room turned—she still couldn’t believe she had her own room—and the door opened. Don’t come in here, she wanted to say as she noticed Robert’s figure in the doorframe.
“What happened here?” His voice was soft. Robert held the dirty and teared puzzle book in the air by a corner of its cover. He turned his head, rather than the book itself to examine it.
“I dropped it in the mud earlier,” Lori whispered. “It’s fine, I finished them all already.”
Robert chuckled and carefully tossed the book into a bin—it was actually just an empty box that served as a bin. “I don’t think I have any other left. I can make you some myself, but that’ll take a while. Or I’ll just check the trading post next time, but—”
“It’s fine, I don’t want to do any more sudokus for a while.” It wasn’t a lie. Lori had felt like the sudokus were just a way of adults wanting to keep her busy so she wouldn’t be up in their business, or perhaps so they didn’t have to pay attention, for a while now. She just didn’t say anything because for this whole time, she genuinely enjoyed solving those puzzles. Now, however, she didn’t want to see any number in general. They were giving her headaches.
Robert’s smile fell and he sat down on the edge of Lori’s bed. “I thought you loved them?”
“I hate them.” It felt so easy to use that word now. Hate didn’t seem to have the same connotation to Lori as it had to other people. “I mean I’m sick of them.”
Robert nodded before asking Lori to move over a little. Once she did, he sat down next to her with his back against the headrest. “About this morning—”
“It’s okay. I understand. I’m living under your roof and I get that you wouldn’t want a teenager cursing every five seconds. It just slipped because I was excited.”
A soft hum came from the man and Lori brushed her hair to the front so Robert couldn’t see her face reddened by shame. “Kevin just never swore—”
“Your son?” Lori wasn’t asking actually and it was that moment Robert realised what he had said. “He seems so great with all the stories you’ve told me about him. Never swore, really smart, strong and helped out in the house, the neighbours loved him, handsome—”
“He was also stubborn.”
“Stubborn… I guess that’s what me and Kevin have in common,” Lori whispered. “Pretty hard standard to live up to,” she added in a chuckle.
A deep sigh sounded through the room as Robert let his body sink into the bed further. He turned his head to Lori. There was a soft yet careful look on his face. “You don’t have to live up to anyone, Lori. I shouldn’t have brought him up, but that’s why Julia reacted the way she did. She isn’t too fond of that kind of language and Kevin was raised that way.”
Lori nodded, but didn’t say anything. And then suddenly she felt a comforting warmth engulf her. Robert had placed his arm around her shoulders and with his right hand on her upper arm, he pulled her closer into his side. “I’m sorry, Lori. I’m sorry that happened, but Julia still cares so much. She just isn’t used to a tough girl like you.” There was a slight chuckle in his speech and although it was to comfort her, Lori didn’t know if it was achieving that goal.
“I guess so,” she whispered in response.
Robert patted Lori’s arm a few times before getting up and leaving her to “get some rest” in her room, alone.
-
The warmth of spring and summer passed in an instant and the cool air that accompanied mid-autumn chilled every house. The weather wasn’t the only thing that had grown cold over the months for Lori. Her relationships had developed in a rather similar way.
Ellie had continued to try and converse with Lori since that infamous exchange they had, but Lori hadn’t been all that welcoming to her. Eventually, Ellie stopped approaching her and by the time autumn fell, Lori hadn’t spoken to Ellie in at least a month.
Another relationship that had progressed similarly was her relationship with Tommy. Maria as well. They had barely spoken ever since Lori went to live with Robert and Julia. It was less surprising to Lori, though, since Tommy and Maria didn’t know Lori as long or in the same way Ellie did—although it sometimes felt that way. What did surprise Lori was that it felt like they went from being acquaintances to strangers and perhaps even had some bad blood. Whenever Lori went out and saw Tommy or Maria, they barely batted an eye at her and when they spotted her, Lori could’ve sworn that they turned away each time they locked eyes with her.
The most unexpected of such changes was her relationship with the woman who had taken her in. Julia did not like Lori. Lori just knew. She felt like she had to walk on eggshells the whole time she was in the house with Julia and so Lori had pretty much retreated into her room. She spent the most of her time either there or outside, though with the colder weather Lori didn’t have much things to do or warm places to go outside the house. She even went to the dining hall as much as possible to eat, since she would rather eat alone than sit through quiet and tense meals with Julia.
Lori felt like she was in no different situation than when she stayed at Tommy’s before, but it felt even worse now. Julia was rather cold towards her, while Tommy and Maria hadn’t been anything but welcoming. Sure they weren’t all overly sweet and familial, but Tommy and Maria were nice and they talked to her. Julia seemed like she’d do everything rather than talk to Lori if she could avoid doing so.
And then Julia blew her fuse.
The night it happened everything went downhill. Lori had just been roaming the empty house, bored by her lonesomeness, when she came upon something she had never seen before. A framed picture of a younger Robert and Julia along with a young kid—probably in his early teens—was displayed on a shelf in an unused room of the house. The boy was good looking. A perfect mixture of the best attributes of his parents. Lori knew why Robert and Julia never failed to boast about their son. Kevin had seemed like the kind, intelligent and just perfect son from what his parents had told Lori, but upon seeing that picture, she also knew he was handsome too.
Unconsciously, Lori traced her fingers along the textured frame around the picture. It had to have been dated pre- or early outbreak. The family seemed happy. A perfect family. Something the young girl had never experienced, or at least not in her memory.
The frame was held only loosely between her fingers as she was about to set it back, but then, suddenly, the door behind her opened. The heavy door stopped mid swing as it hit Lori’s back, causing the girl to lose her grip on the frame and it fell down on the floor. The glass of the frame shattered into what felt like a million tiny pieces and Lori felt like she heard each one of them scatter against the rough wooden floors before she heard the high pitched screaming behind her.
“WHAT DID YOU DO?”
Lori barely had any time to turn around before Julia yanked her to the side by her arm. The woman’s thin pointy fingers left small red marks through Lori’s long sleeve shirt.
“My baby—” she sobbed as she fell to her knees next to the broken picture frame. Surely, the pieces of glass had pierced the skin of her knees and legs, but neither Julia or Lori had the time to think about that in the midst of the situation. “You witch!”
Lori had been called many names before, but “witch” was a first. It wasn’t the word that shocked her, but the anger and hatred in Julia’s voice as she said it. “See what you did!” She pointed at the broken frame. “You did this on purpose!”
Lori tried to protest, to say it was an accident, but she wasn’t fast enough. Julia was already yelling again. “You’re ruining my family! You’re trying to tear us apart! You’ll never replace Kevin!”
She kept yelling out those nonsense statements, but Lori knew she believed them. She knew Julia thought that Lori really was trying to tear her family apart. What Julia didn’t know was that Lori already knew her place in this house. She’d never be a daughter to these people, but she had wanted it. She had prayed for it, but she knew it never would be.
Instead of running away, out of the house, Lori ran into her room. She didn’t know how much longer it would be her room for, so she wanted to bask in that warmth for as long as possible. She hid under her blanket as if hiding from Julia and Robert, who she knew wouldn’t be checking in with her anyway. The warmth she had expected to accompany her was not there. Lori fell asleep shivering from cold— no, from the fear of being inevitably kicked out the house and once again being alone, without anyone who cared about her.
-
Joel clicked his tongue in annoyance as he tried to ignore the looming presence behind him. He placed his lips on the edge of his glass of whiskey before downing it in one go. He wished the alcohol would distract him. It didn’t.
With a sigh, Joel sluggishly turned his body in his chair to face the bar. He leaned against the surface with his arms before turning his head slightly to the right. “What?” he grumbled with a roll of his eyes.
A tired, yet nervous laugh pierced Joel’s ears. No, the laugh wasn’t loud, but Joel found it truly unpleasant. “Hey,” the man next to Joel said in an exhale. It was as if he wanted to reason with him. “I guess we have more in common than I first thought.” Joel’s first instinct was to shut him up, yell at him or even just throw up at the thought of him and this man being similar. “Or more than I could wish.” He was speaking to himself now.
“If you don’t have anything coherent to say, then get lost.” Joel’s voice was gruff. No louder than it had been when he addressed the man the first time.
“I don’t know how you were able to take care of that girl for so long,” the man laughed again and Joel felt his stomach churn. Joel didn’t know what he was talking about, but Joel felt that anything that would leave his mouth right now wouldn’t be good. “Lori is impossible,” Robert sighed.
“What are you talking about?”
Robert eyed Joel before shaking his head a few times. “I get why you abandoned her. She’s more than a handful. You know this. I’m surprised you act like this is news.”
Ignoring the jab at him, Joel’s grip on his glass tightened and more questions than answers came to him. “Something happened?”
At his question, Joel noticed a moment of clarity in Robert’s eyes before they became hooded once more. Joel cursed himself knowing that his sudden eagerness to talk, to know what was happening, shut Robert up completely. The scrawnier of the two waved Joel off causing the latter to stand up suddenly and tower over him.
“Joel!” It was Tommy who yelled out for him before waving him over. Joel reluctantly left his glass on the bar, cursing Robert out with his eyes before turning to his brother.
“I thought he’d take care of her?”
Tommy eyed his brother with confused eyes. “What are you talking about?”
It was clear that Tommy didn’t know anything about Lori anymore. Once Robert had taken her in, Tommy pretty much stopped talking to her. All Tommy did was track that his easily aggravated brother was standing over a weaker man who he didn’t like with a clenched fist. He was preventing a bar fight. There was nothing more to it.
“Never mind.” Joel pushed past his brother and left the building.
-
It had been pretty much a full day since the picture incident when Lori was silently navigating the living room. Her eyes were set on the door leading up to Robert’s “office”. It was just a room with a desk and some papers and books. A place where he could prepare some classes for his students. It really was an office, but Lori knew that people pre-outbreak would probably laugh if they saw this “office” of Robert.
Coming up to the door, Lori stopped herself from barging in. She took a few deep breaths, calming her furiously beating heart before knocking on the door softly. She waited for an answer, which did come, in the form of a quiet hum.
The door was heavier than any other door in the house and this wasn’t because Lori was filled with anxiety at the moment. She had made this observation months ago, but yes, at this moment, the door felt heavier than normal.
Once inside she stood next to Robert’s desk. He was facing the wall across the door, his back was towards her at first. Lori stepped in a bit further until she was next to him, though still a little behind him. Not being able to see his face straight on or even from the side—even in this dimly lit room—made Lori feel a bit more in charge of her nerves. Her hands were behind her back, one of them holding something for Robert.
“What are you doing here?” Robert broke the silence first, which is what Lori wanted, but it made her jump. His voice was a lot more rough, cold and distant than she remembered. Even when he came home from long, tiring days at work, there was usually a little lilt in the way he talked. “It’s late, go to bed.”
“I got you this,” Lori whispered. She stretched out her arm, presenting Robert with a rather nice picture frame. “I traded for it earlier—”
“What’s this?” he interrupted her with a clear annoyed tone.
Lori spluttered to fight the surprise and find her words again. “I’m sorry I broke your picture with Ke—”
“DO NOT DARE SAY HIS NAME!” Lori immediately cowered at the sudden rise of Robert’s voice. He never screamed. Not like this. “And do you know what else you broke? Huh? Do you?” he continued to yell as he asked her these questions. Lori shook her head frantically.
“You broke my family! MY family!” At that point, Robert had already stood up and was closing in the gap between him and Lori, driving the young girl toward the wall behind her. He snatched the picture frame out of her hands. “And you know what?” Lori shook her head again, scared that not responding to him would be worse. “You are not part of my family!”
Pieces of glass fell to the floor before either of them had registered what had happened. Lori watched in horror as the side of her face felt numb. Warm blood started to trickle down her temple and down to her cheek. Her eyes looked at Robert’s hand that was holding the picture frame before. It was still there. Partly. Only two of the four sides of the wooden frame were still intact and in his grasp, the remainder of it was scattered on the floor in pieces. Lori looked up at Robert’s face, wishing she’d see any kind of remorse for his actions, but there was only anger. Not long after, Robert hit her a second time with the now broken frame.
Lori fell to the floor, holding her hands up to shield her face. “S-sorry,” she sobbed incoherently. Scared. Terrified. However, Robert couldn’t hear her, or he was ignoring her pleas on purpose.
“You fucking bitch!” he yelled as he kicked her angrily in her side. “You’ve ruined my whole family!”
Lori tried to push the man away. She was able to grip his leg and push it away, but it only made him drop to his knees and punch her on the side of her face. “Nobody fucking wants you! Not Joel! Not Tommy!” He was punching her after each name, though he was mostly missing her and there was no real strength behind his punches. “And definitely not me!”
Robert was sobbing when Julia ran into the room. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and comforted him as if he was just the victim of an attack. “Get out.” Robbert had tried to sob, but it was Julia who had hissed those words at Lori.
The girl didn’t need to be told twice. She pushed herself up, not even feeling the tiny pieces of glass underneath her palm piercing her skin, and limped out of the room. Luckily Lori had left her backpack with her most important stuff on the living room floor so she could leave immediately. She somehow had a feeling this was how the night was going to end.
Something was off. Joel could just sense it.
As he walked home from his patrol shift he decided to make a quick stop along the way. It was actually his own body that led him to this place unconsciously, but as he stood there and clocked where he was, he felt determined. His heavy fist knocked on the door that almost fully swung open by itself. Joel grabbed the doorknob, stopping the door from opening and waited until the homeowners came and answered themselves.
The whole time during patrol, Joel kept thinking back about what Robert had said the night before at the bar. Robert loved Lori. That’s how Joel knew him. He was the man that took the place Joel wanted to be in. Well, needed to be in. In the months after his last conversation with Lori he slowly came to terms that he had created a distance between himself and Lori. He did want to care for her, but he wasn’t ready to fight all his demons that prevented him from doing so.
It all came so easy with Ellie. Maybe because they were so similar. Still, Joel wondered why he had such a hard time connecting and opening up to Lori. It was probably because Lori was too much like Tess. Possibly—and this was the hardest thing he had to come to terms with—before Lori had turned all stoic—because of Joel—Lori reminded Joel a bit of his own daughter. His actual daughter. Sarah—
Back to Robert. Robert and Lori seemed to get along so well, which is why Joel had been so surprised to hear Robert talking about her like that the day before. Something felt so wrong about it.
“Hi—What are you doing here?”
Joel looked up to see Robert staring back at him. The light-haired man seemed different. His features looked sunken in, his posture was slouched. He looked nothing like the happy teacher everyone knew him as.
“Lori… Just after what you said yesterday. I guess I wanted to check if everything is fine?”
Robert heaved an annoyed breath, but there was something else in his eyes. He almost seemed fearful of Joel, or at least of something. “Everything’s fine.”
It didn’t seem like everything was fine. “Is she here?”
“No she isn’t.” Julia’s voice ringed towards the front door as she moved to stand beside her husband. “She isn’t here, so if you’re looking for her, get lost.”
The aggression in the small woman’s voice made the hairs on Joel’s arms and back of his neck stand up. “Where—”
“Not here!” Julia tried to close the door, but Joel held it open with his forearm. Julia started shouting at him, but Joel didn’t let up. Instead his eyes started to wander. The living room behind the couple seemed normal. It was only when Joel took a step back, he noticed the bruised knuckles of Robert’s right hand. Joel was about to say something when Robert moved his hand behind his back, out of Joel’s vision. “Just leave!” Julia yelled.
“What did you—” Joel started to ask. He had looked from Roberts slightly bloodied—then hidden—hand up his arm until he met his eyes. The fear he thought he saw before was prominent now. Thoughts filled Joel’s head causing to let his guard down and before he could ask his full question, Julia took the opportunity to shut the door closed in his face.
-
“I—” A sob from deep down cut off her words. “I’m so sorry, Tess.” Lori’s voice was shaky. She sat, kneeled down, somewhere quiet. Away from everyone. Not more than a 5 minute walk from Jackson, but at this time she shouldn’t be outside. She had been able to slip away without anyone noticing so she could have some space.
“I know you’d hate me for this,” she cried, but she tried so hard not to. Her voice was strained to keep the sobs at bay. “But I tried so hard to be a good daughter. To be good to people. They just—” Lori took another deep sigh before her tears started to flow freely down her cheeks. “No one wants me. No one likes me. Only you ever truly cared.”
The tension in Lori’s body started to ease as if she was starting to accept the reality of how everything was turning out for her. “I know you’d hate me, but can you really blame me for this?” Lori let out a defeated chuckle, then sniffled once again. “I just want to be with you again,” she whispered before putting a bit more pressure on the knife she had against her left wrist.
The blade only barely broke her skin. It wasn’t sharp enough to do anything more with the amount of pressure Lori was putting on it.
“I only ever want to be with you. Maybe I’m wrong and you are like everyone else, but I rather be with you, who hates me, then with all these people.”
Lori finally drew blood. She didn’t even hiss or flinch as the blade pressed further into her skin. “Tess,” she sobbed as she said her name. “I miss you so much! Why did you leave! Why did you fucking leave me!”
Lori raised the knife from her skin and moved it further up so she could make one final cut.
“LORI, NO!”
The world became dark before her eyes, as Lori fell back onto her back. Before the metal was able to make contact with her wrist, Lori had been pulled back, causing her head to hit the cold ground. Her arm, along with her hand that was holding the knife was pulled back and the knife fell out of her grasp. When Lori opened her eyes again she was met with the frantically moving eyes of Ellie.
“Lori!” The younger girl shouted in shock. She was shaking Lori by her shoulders and checking her body for any injuries. To her surprise Lori’s wrist had barely a cut on it, but her face was something else. Ellie’s eyes scanned the new bruises that seemed to be getting darker by the second on her face. A trail of blood was mixed with Lori’s tears and coated the skin of her cheek and neck with a light, translucent red sheen.
The two sat there almost frozen as they stared at each other before Ellie started pulling her up. “Let’s go—”
“Go where?”
“Home,” Ellie stated, still in her panicked state. She noticed how Lori froze in her spot again and was staring at her, uncertainty filled in her gaze. “Please, Lori. Let’s just go.”
It was desperate. All the words that left Ellie’s mouth. Her movements as she pulled Lori to her feet. As if Lori was someone important to Ellie and Ellie wanted her to be okay.
Ellie gathered Lori’s backpack before pulling her arm over her own shoulders. “You can sleep in my bed. The fireplace has been warming the house. It’s safe there, okay? I can get you food or tea as well. And there’s warm water to shower in. Or you can take a bath…”
Lori didn’t answer, but she let Ellie take her with her.
A few metres away Joel finally found the two girls. He wanted to approach them, but decided against it as he noticed how Lori was so willing to have Ellie help her out. He didn’t want to disturb them.
He was still heaving from his search before he completely froze, hearing what Ellie told Lori.
“I know I’m not Tess, but you’re safe with me. I know you hate me, but even if I’m the last person you wanted to care for you, I do care. Even if the whole world is against you, I’ll be here. And maybe it’s just selfish, but it’s because I need you too.”
Lori tilted her head slightly down to catch Ellie’s gaze. More tears started to roll down her cheeks.
“I think you’re really fucking cool,” Ellie sniffled in a watery chuckle. “And to be honest, I don’t think I would’ve felt as much at ease without you around. You’ve protected me even when you hated my guts and I don’t think I’m ready to lose you. I don’t want you to join Tess this early and I know she wouldn’t want that either.” Lori didn’t say anything as she continued to share eye contact with the younger girl.
“Let’s go home, okay? With me?”
---
taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi
note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.
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sunshineshobi18 · 1 year
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You Don't Look At Me (part 2)
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words: 4.8k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tommy & Maria are also in there cw: strong languge (but honestly when does that not happen), angst ^^, vague mentions of the events in episode 9 summary: When they finally get back to Jackson, Maria is quickly able to sense the tension between Joel and Lori. Joel tries to defend himself and how he feels about Lori, but things quickly go south when Lori tells him how she actually feels.
note: it feels like an eternity since I put out the last update, but here we go with the next part. Thank you so much for your patience
(prologue) (part 1)
---
The events of the past day felt like a blur to Joel. Or maybe he did remember many things very clearly. The pain, the anger, the surprise and doubt, he remembered all these aspects so vividly. It was only Lori’s presence that felt like clouds in his mind and he felt horrible because of it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as he looked at the rear view mirror to find Ellie still unconscious on the back seat.
-
Earlier that day he remembered how silent Ellie had been. She often didn’t even hear him talk, but even if she did her answers were short. He had scavenged a few things through the rubble and broken cars and containers that he presented Ellie with a smile. The only reason Lori was so vivid in that memory was because he had come across something for her. Something that had piqued Ellie’s interests.
“Here,” Joel said as he handed Lori the book. Lori accepted it with a weak grip, almost dropping the book. Ellie, who had been sitting in front of Lori, looked at the girl with curious eyes.
“What’s that?” she asked and Joel couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he saw how Ellie had become a bit more lifely. He was worried she had completely changed with everything she had been through, but that same childlike curiosity was still there. Joel had hoped she’d return to her normal self.
Lori shrugged lightly, holding the book up a bit better so Ellie could see the cover. “Sudokus,” Lori told her.
“Why’d you give them to her?” Ellie turned to Joel as she asked him this.
“Used to like them,” Joel said with a nonchalant tone, “Lori, I mean. If we found them during runs, we’d give them to Lori. Kept her busy.”
Ellie chuckled softly at this, finding it an amusing thought, but Joel hadn’t thought it was that funny. “That’s cool. I didn’t know you liked stuff like that,” Ellie told Lori with a brighter smile on her face. It was a smile that broke Lori’s stoic expression and she cracked the slightest of smiles back at Ellie. “I was never able to figure out how they worked. Maybe you could teach me one day.”
Lori’s response came in the form of one slight but firm nod. “Sure.”
-
Joel pushed his head back further in the backseat as he sighed. His eyes were back on the road. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, but there was no answer.
Deciding to stop being so petty and finally start acting like the adult he should be, Joel turned his head to the right. He made a quick mental note of the girl in the passenger's seat before focusing on the view in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened inside the hospital. I never would’ve pointed that gun at you if—” Lori shifted in her seat, her head now facing the window on her right and Joel sighed. “I fucked up, but I’ll make it up to you.”
Silence filled the car once again and this time Joel decided to stay quiet. He didn’t know what to say, afraid that he’d say something wrong. However, Joel was sure he already did. He had pushed Lori’s boundaries over their limits miles earlier in their journey. Though not able to exactly pinpoint when and where that happened, Joel knew that the damage he had done to Lori and his relationship with her was irreversible.
-
By the time Joel and the two girls had reached Wyoming, Joel had explained—lied about—what happened in the hospital, they had stopped to find Ellie some clothes and Lori had not spoken a word.
The older man was aware he wasn’t the best at communicating, but during that hike he realised how bad he was at choosing his time and place to talk about certain things. He hadn’t meant to start talking about Sarah. He hadn’t meant to start comparing Ellie with Sarah, but he was just so overjoyed with the fact that Ellie was there with him. Safe and by his side. It was just that when he turned around to seek confirmation from Ellie, that his eyes darted past the girl and landed on Lori. Her head was turned down, her eyes focused on her feet and if Joel’s eyes were better he’d be able to confirm whether the shine on her cheeks and the drop hanging from her nose were tears or sweat. He hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was the former.
Joel stumbled a bit as he lost his footing, his attention completely on Lori. Ellie gasped at the sudden erratic movement when she almost walked into Joel. Joel caught her by the shoulders before leaning in closer. “Ellie, you go on and walk ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Ellie was about to question him, but when she looked up she noticed he was looking at something behind her. She followed his gaze and saw Lori saunter behind them, her stare mostly fixed into the floor. Ellie nodded and with a pat on her shoulder, Joel sent her to walk in front of them.
“Hey, kid.” Joel’s tone was cautious as he approached Lori. She didn’t look up at him. “I uhm… I want to say I’m sorry.” Lori didn’t answer. “Again,” he added with a sigh. “I know I’ve been unfair towards you, but I promise I’m not doing this on purpose. I—”
“Let’s just get to Jackson.”
Joel’s breath hitched at the girl’s cold and short words. “We will, but I just want to apologise first and—”
Lori looked up at Joel. It was the first time in a while that they had made direct eye contact and it was jarring to say the least. Lori’s eyes were red, the skin around them wet and irritated. “Once we get to Jackson, I’ll stay out of your business.”
“Lori, that’s not what I want,” Joel said. He sounded lost and the guilt must’ve been so audible in how he spoke.
“Let’s just continue.” 
And that’s what they did.
-
By night time the three had arrived back in Jackson. Maria and Tommy had invited them in for dinner. The public dining hall was done serving food for the night and Maria didn’t want to send Joel and the two girls to bed starving.
They all wish she had.
Dinner was awkward to say the least. Maria and Tommy had asked the group how their journey had been and so they told what happened, although with many holes in their story. It was also fairly clear to the couple that something was wrong with Lori. She hadn’t really said anything, but hummed and offered short answers in response to whatever had been asked.
“Hey!” Tommy chuckled awkwardly after silence filled his kitchen. “At least you’ve seemed to have grown closer.”
Joel pressed his eyes closed and with a sigh he rested his head in one of his hands. Ellie cringed, grimacing as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth and Lori dropped her fork—she was only really using it to pick at her food.
Maria was quick to pick up on everything. The plot holes quickly being filled by the context she’d been given in front of her. She made eye contact with Ellie, who seemed to understand what she was conveying and shared a quick nod with her. “Hey Ellie, maybe you should head back already. I had Tommy drop off some stuff and heat the house while I was finishing dinner.” Ellie didn’t need to be asked twice as she ran out the house to the house across.
Maria waited till the echo of the front door being slammed shut stopped ringing through the room before speaking up again. “So let’s talk this out. Hmm?”
Joel looked up with wide eyes, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Lori remained looking at her plate of barely touched food. “I don’t know—”
“Oh, come on Joel. I might not know what’s going on, but I’m not blind or stupid.” Maria turned to Lori. “She hasn’t said anything the whole night and you haven’t even looked at her. I’d be upset too if the man I’d known for years doesn’t ask me if I’m okay while laughing and talking with the girl he’s known for barely a year. It’s like you don’t care.”
Maria’s words seemed to spark something in Lori as she looked up at her with big, shining eyes. Lori chuckled softly before she spoke, “wow, I guess it’s not only me who noticed.” The young girl faked a smile, but her face clearly showed how hurt she felt. Maria looked at Lori with a soft yet sad smile.
“I do care!” Joel shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.
“Really felt like it when you pointed that gun at me.” The young girl’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Joel had barely the time to respond when Tommy and Maria looked at him in horror.
“You did what?” Tommy yelled.
Joel shook his head rapidly and made an attempt to explain the situation. “I was trying to get to Ellie and Lori just ended up being there.”
“There you go, bringing up Ellie again.” Lori rolled her eyes before she looked at Joel. “Joel, I told you… You don’t have to act like you care about me. It’s clear that you don’t.”
“But I do,” Joel insisted as he walked to the other side of the table and sat in the chair next to her. He turned her chair facing it towards him and grabbed her by her forearms. “I really fucking do.”
“Then you should’ve shown me,” Lori whispered. “And I don’t mean by giving me a book with already filled-in sudokus because you faintly remember Tess looking out for those for me.”
Joel sighed once again and lowered his head. “Tell me how to show you and I will. I’ll do everything—”
“It’s too late,” Lori said. Her walls were breaking as she could only show Joel a watery smile before trying to escape his grasp. “All you had to do was look at me. You had to think of me. You had to not be so willing to think I was dead when we were in situations that rationally would’ve had me dead.” Joel hesitantly let go of Lori’s left arm as she used her already freed right hand to pry his fingers away from her. “All you had to do was a fraction of what you’re doing for Ellie and I would be fine.” Tears filled Lori’s eyes as she stood up. She looked at Joel and he looked at her. It was the first time he had looked at her with genuine emotion, although it was more likely he felt guilt than actual care for her.
“When you and Tess found me back then… I thought I had a second chance for a family and for a while I really felt like I had. When Tess died, I thought I’d still have you, but I realised that Tess was the only family I had left,” Lori explained with her voice trembling. “A father—” Lori’s breath hitched and she placed a hand on her chest as if she was in pain. “And I know I’m not your daughter, but a father is allowed to fuck up. He’s allowed to make mistakes if only at the end of the day he takes responsibility, he shows he cares and he makes an effort. And I’ve been really fucking patient with you to start making an effort, but it’s too late now.”
Joel’s vision started to blur as he heard the pain laced in every word that left Lori’s mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but give me one last chance.”
Lori shook her head from side to side, denying his plea. “It’s okay if you don’t care. Just, please let yourself come to terms with it. Stop making yourself believe that you care because you feel obligated to care. I rather—” Lori cut her words short as she felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned to Maria and without any words exchanged, the older woman placed a hand on the small of Lori’s back and ushered her upstairs, inviting her to stay at her house.
Joel and Tommy watched the two figures retreat before looking at each other. It was clear in Tommy’s disapproving look, that the younger of the two brothers had a lot to say. Joel braced himself for the scolding he deserved, but it never came.
“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”
Tommy scoffed, turning towards the stove in the kitchen. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water and prepared two mugs. “Is that what you want?”
“Of course it isn’t,” Joel groaned in an almost annoyed tone and joined Tommy’s side. “Of course I don’t want you to yell at me, but I can see there’s so much you want to say.”
Tommy turned stiffly to face his older brother and asked, “you know who else had a lot to say?” He answered his own question by looking towards the stairs where Lori had appeared earlier. “Lori is a smart girl. She knows what the problem is. She knows how you can fix it and she can guide you every step of the way, but she doesn’t. You know why?” Joel shook his head ‘no’. “Because it would hurt. It would hurt both of you and she’d do anything, but hurt you.”
“How’d you know?” Joel asked weary.
“Because I look at her! I listen to her! And I can fucking see how much she cares about you. How much she needs you—”
“She doesn’t need me!” Joel yelled back at his brother. The older of the two was heaving as he was reminded of a painful memory of a loved one he lost. “Tess, told me so. Lori and Tess never needed me.”
“Maybe! Maybe in the past she didn’t, but now she does. Everyone needs someone and all she has is you! Poor girl needed someone and her only option was this fucking asshole!” Tommy yelled as he shoved his brother back a little. “This fucking jerk, while there are so many people out there that would’ve loved to take care of her.”
Joel scowled, hiding his guilt behind an unstable wall of his anger. “Then you fucking take her—”
“Oh wouldn’t that be easy,” Tommy chuckled. “Break her, put her through all your bullshit and then drop her onto someone else.”
“What do you want me to do?” Joel’s bassy voice echoed through the whole house. Tommy shook his head in disbelief and turned to fill the two mugs with tea. “What do you want me to fucking do?” Joel repeated more aggressively.
“Get out,” Tommy ordered lowly before turning to Joel. “Leave this house and leave Lori alone. Go be a father for Ellie, because that’s what you want so badly. And never bat a fucking eye at Lori again. I swear to God—”
“Guys!” Maria stood at the bottom of the stairs, a disapproving look on her face. “We can hear you from upstairs,” Maria sighed as she joined the two men in the kitchen with an annoyed frown on her face.
“I’m sorry,” Joel apologised coldly, pressing his lips shut to contain all the things he wanted to yell at his brother.
Maria took her place next to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his bicep. “Tommy’s right, Joel. I think it’s best for you to stay away from Lori—”
“What? Don’t you realise I’m trying to set things right.”
Maria and Tommy shared defeated gazes. “Let’s just say you tried enough and it’s not working.” Though Maria’s gaze was soft, her tone was firm and final. “You should leave now. It’s late.”
Ignoring the man’s lost expression, Maria grabbed one of the now tea-filled mugs on the kitchen counter while Tommy grabbed the other one to bring it up to Lori. Tommy turned off the small light above the kitchen counter before he followed Maria up the stairs, leaving Joel in the now dark room downstairs.
-
It had been a week since that night. The night Joel, Ellie and Lori arrived in Jackson. Most of the week Joel and Lori wouldn’t see each other, outside of the occasional glances when they saw each other in the dining hall or somewhere outside.
That whole week Maria and Tommy had been taking care of Lori, although she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. They just provided her with some meals, a warm place to sleep and running water. In exchange Lori would help clean around the house and cook dinner when Maria was tired and Tommy was out on patrol. Still, she didn’t talk much to the adults, clearly not as attached to them as she was to Joel at some point.
“Just one lunch okay?” Maria asked, leading Lori down the dining hall. The young girl looked at her with a look that was anything but willing to go through with Maria’s plan. “I promise you that if you don’t like it, you can just leave. I’ll be at the bar in case anything happens.”
With a groan, Lori gave in. She settled down at an empty table and grabbed a book of sudokus to keep her busy as she waited. Maria left her with a thumbs up and a bright smile, heading towards the bar a few metres away from her.
“You like those?” Lori looked up to find a man—probably in his forties or fifties—pointing at her book. He had a kind face, although he looked tired. His glasses enlarged his green-grey eyes making him look anything but threatening. Lori nodded wordlessly in response. “I— I’m Robert. Maria told you about me, right?” Lori nodded again. “Can I sit down?” She nodded.
At first the tension between the two was palpable. They sat in awkward silence, with Lori buried into her book of number puzzles and Robert examining her carefully. Each time Lori made a movement Robert’s eyes darted away for a moment, in case she would notice him staring.
A minute later, Robert couldn’t take the silence anymore. The growing noise that filled the dining hall made him anxious, as if it was urging him to make conversation with the girl. “I—” He started, gaining Lori’s attention, however, he didn’t know what to say. “Are you hungry?” Lori looked around, noticing that the people at tables around her were already eating. She nodded with a shrug. “Stay here, I’ll get you food.” Before Lori could answer, Robert stood up to get the both of them food.
Lori’s eyes followed the man and landed on Maria. The older woman gave her a look which told her that she was a bit disappointed in the lack of Lori’s input in the conversation. Lori pressed her lips together and sighed before nodding at Maria. “I’ll try,” she mouthed at Maria which Maria responded to with a thank you.
Robert returned with two plates full of food. Lori couldn’t help but notice that the plate he put in front of her had more food on it. She didn’t question it however and just thanked Robert in a quiet whisper. Robert gasped with wide eyes causing Lori to look at him in surprise. Quickly his face turned red before he shook his head dismissively. “It’s just that this is the first time you spoke to me. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” Lori quickly told him and Robert’s anxious front quickly melted. He smiled at her softly and it was something in his eyes that made it so that Lori couldn’t look away. She felt comforted just by the way he looked at her with so much care. Suddenly the warm feeling became so overwhelming, Lori quickly looked down at her food.
Lunch continued in silence for a while with Robert finishing his food first. He waited until Lori was on her last few bites when he placed his hand on the book Lori had carried with her. “You’re pretty good at these,” he told her as he picked up the book and looked at the cover. “Easy seems too easy for you. I have some advanced puzzles at home that you can have.”
Lori looked at him with big eyes causing Robert to chuckle. “You seem interested,” he laughed and Lori couldn’t help but chuckle as well.
“Do you also like them?” Lori asked softly.
“Sure. I was a maths professor before all this, but it was really my son who loved puzzles like these.” Robert’s smile faded once he clocked Lori’s expression. “Oh yeah, I had a son about your age. I didn’t mean to bring it up and make you uncomfortable—”
“It’s fine!” Lori suddenly yelled, causing Robert to jump a bit in his seat. “I mean… I’m sorry for your loss. I just didn’t know that— I hope you don’t feel obligated because of Maria—”
“Hey,” Robert said to interrupt Lori who had started talking more quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Maria told me she was looking for a family that could take you in. My wife and I have two free rooms, we know how to handle kids, although Kevin really was a handful sometimes,” he chuckled at that. “We’re just trying to see if you feel comfortable around me and if not that’s fine.”
“You don’t think I’m trying to replace him? Your son,” Lori asked with her brows furrowing in something akin to shame.
Robert quickly denied her claim, confusion filling his tone as he responded with, “why would you think that? My wife and I love Kevin, he can never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of another kid. I mean, you can basically take care of yourself. All we want to do is offer you a place you feel comfortable.”
Lori’s cheeks had reddened completely at that point. The two of them were only supposed to get to know each other and see how things went, but Lori felt like she had accelerated the conversation to a point beyond where they should’ve been. Maria and Tommy would have a baby at some point and with Lori taking up the only free room in the house, there wouldn’t be enough space for all four of them. Besides, Lori didn’t feel like she really belonged with Maria and Tommy. The children's home—for kids who had arrived in Jackson alone or just didn’t have any adult relatives—wasn’t a great fit either. Lori didn’t get along with many of the kids her age because she had a “reputation”. She didn’t know what the kids said about her, but it was clear in the way they eyed her that it wasn’t pleasant.
Talking about moving into Robert’s house so early in their relationship wasn’t ideal, but Lori couldn’t help it. She didn��t realise she craved parental care as much as she did. She had always thought it was only Joel she wanted, but she realised that anyone would do as long as they cared. Robert seemed to care. And maybe it was because Lori reminded him of his deceased son Kevin, but she didn’t care. She felt connected to Robert and her inner child just wanted to cling on to the hope that she found someone who cared about her.
“Lori?” Lori’s eyes snapped up when she realised Robert had been calling for her for a while. “Maria is signalling you’re about to leave. Let’s talk again tomorrow, hmm? I’ll see if Julia can come along. I’m sure she’d love you and I hope you’ll like her as well. I’ll also bring some sudokus if you want?” Lori felt overwhelmed, still, but she nodded. “Hey.” Robert’s tone was softer now. “Don’t think about moving or anything like that yet. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just getting to know each other and if at any moment you don’t like it—”
“I like it,” Lori squeed and Robert couldn’t hide the fatherly smile on his face. “I mean that I like this so far. It feels…” Robert nodded knowing exactly what Lori wanted to say and it surprised her. She had always had to explain herself to Joel, especially in the later years, but Robert just got her.
They parted ways that afternoon and Tommy couldn’t believe his eyes as Lori and Maria came back home, the younger girl beaming and smiling like he had never seen before.
-
“Joel?” Ellie’s voice sounded loudly through the house the second Joel started to put on his boots at the front door. “Can you pick up some soap and maybe a new towel at the trading post today? We’re kinda running out.”
“And you’ve been scrubbing your body too hard with that towel that you need a new one?” There was a slight raise in octave as Joel spoke, his joking and playful side not letting the chance to tease Ellie go past him. Hearing the annoyed groan coming from upstairs made Joel chuckle, knowing he was successful in getting on the girl’s nerves again. He’d call it payback for all the times she’d annoyed him. “I’ll see if I can find some stuff!”
With that he was out the door and heading towards the trading post.
It was a lot more packed that day since a group of patrollers had seemingly hit the jackpot with the place they had basically raided the night before. The people of Jackson were haggling to get the best value out of their trades and Joel just watched from a bit further away as he waited for his best “toiletries trader” to finish his trades with the five women before him in line.
Joel was posted up against a thick support beam, he trusted to hold his weight. His eyes continued to scan the multiple trading stalls set out to see if anything else caught his attention. Something— no, someone certainly did.
“Look at the smile on that kid.” The cheery voice next to Joel’s voice startled the man, causing him to jump back a little. Just beside him stood Tommy with a dumb smile. “I bet it’s been years since you’ve seen her like that. Couldn’t be because of you, hmm?”
Joel examined his brother’s face before scoffing. “Is this entertaining to you?”
Tommy chuckled, turned his head to give his brother a nod and then turned his head back to watch Lori who was excitingly skimming through different hair accessories.
“Whatever,” Joel sighed and joined where Tommy’s gaze fell. “Lori has never shown interest in stupid things like that. How was I supposed to know that was what she—”
“It’s not for her.” Joel could practically hear the sadistic joy in Tommy’s voice as he spoke. Tommy cared for his brother—there was no doubt about it—but he felt like Joel deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and pain after everything Lori put up with because of him.
Joel’s face fell further, if that was even possible, when he saw a man walk up to Lori. His ears weren’t the best, but he could hear everything when that man told her “Julia would love this.”
And Lori’s response sounded even clearer as she replied with, “that’s good. I wish I could gift her something better for taking me into your guys’ house.”
“You’re already a gift, Lori.”
Joel’s heart sank as Lori smiled up at the man with the brightest smile. The same smile she had always given Tess. The same smile he had been on the receiving end for only a handful of times, but he, at that moment, realised he had always taken it for granted.
“Robert and Julia are taking Lori in so I guess you’re welcome back into our home,” Tommy said so nonchalantly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like Lori is coming back to me. She’s been enjoying their company. They’re good people.”
Although Tommy wanted to rub it in that Lori had moved on from Joel, Tommy also wanted Joel to know that the people that were taking care of her were to be trusted and would never hurt her. Tommy wanted Joel to know that if there was even a tiny piece in Joel that wanted to make things right with Lori and possibly bring her back to him—though, he highly doubted that—Joel had lost his chance and there was no reason for him to even try.
Joel didn’t realise Tommy had left as his eyes were focused on the way Lori’s cheeks and ears became red. “I—” she stuttered as she looked up at the man, who Joel newly found out was called Robert.
Robert reached over her shoulder and grabbed a second hair clip, one that matched the one they had picked out for Julia. “Here,” he said as he clipped the accessory into Lori’s hair. “As a ‘thank you’ for trusting us and letting us take care of you. And that’s what we’ll do until you get sick of us.” Robert and Lori both laughed at his words. “We’ll take care of you.”
---
taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @midgetpottermills
note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.
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sunshineshobi18 · 1 year
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You Don't Look At Me (prologue)
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words: 3.9k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tess x female!OC, Tess x Joel cw: weapons, mention of death, strong language, injury, honestly it's all pretty mild, spoilers for ep 2? summary: During one of their runs Joel and Tess find a little thief snooping around their stuff, they didn't realise how completely their lives would change with the new addition to their "family"
note: I got some requests to do a part 2 to the other fic, but before I do that (which I am planning to do, but I'm not promising anything) I just wanted to write about how Lori met Joel and Tess and why Joel acts the way he does around her.
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“Goddamnit, Tess.”
Tess turned around and chuckled, watching Joel crouched over with sweat beating down his face. His chest rose and fell rather rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. “As long as you don’t get bit, old man.”
“You’re proud of that one, huh?” Joel asked straightening back up. He couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched Tess turn away from him with a smile of her own on her face. She went back to scanning their surroundings, making sure they had gotten rid of all the infected that had spotted them. “I think we’re in the clear,” he added after a quick scan of his own—making sure he looked over all the places Tess wasn’t watching.
“Seems like it—”
“Hey!” Joel yelled, causing Tess to be alert. Just over Tess’ shoulder, Joel watched as someone was rummaging through their backpacks that were abandoned on the ground for a while as they fought the infected.  “Get away from our stuff!” he demanded before watching the small figure run into the building near them.
With just a shared look, Tess and Joel grabbed their stuff and ran into the house—no words exchanged. They both had their guns at the ready in case someone or something wanted to come for them.
The lingering sound of a door being closed echoed from the top floor down to the entrance Joel and Tess found themselves. Joel had just caught a glimpse of the thief’s shadow on the wall, directing him where to go. Slowly making his way up the stairs, he glanced over his shoulder telling Tess to stay as quiet as possible. With a nod from the woman, they continued towards the door that Joel thought the person entered. “I’ll go in first,” he mouthed. “Cover me.” Tess nodded, pointing her gun down the hallway to make sure no one was going to sneak up on them.
Joel tried to open the door softly, but with even the softest push, the door swung open. He held his gun up, barely scanning the room when he found his thief in the corner of the room.
She was just a little girl, eyes wide and fixated on his every move, yet her small hands still moved the food she had stolen from the duo towards her mouth. She quickly took a bite, not breaking eye contact with the tall man in front of her. She must be scared Joel thought, but he couldn’t help but realise she did a good job at hiding it.
“Hey,” Joel spoke in an exhale and steadily lowered his gun. “You hungry?” The girl only nodded with rigid motions and watched as Joel started moving towards her.
“Don’t!” His voice jumped in volume as he watched the girl reach out for a gun that laid on the floor just out of arm reach. With swift movements, Joel placed his foot on the weapon and kicked it back, behind him. The little girl cowered further into the corner of the room, making Joel sigh. “If you need food, I can give you some. There’s more where that came from.”
Before the girl could even react, Tess walked into the room. “There’s no one in the build— Who’s this?” Once Tess spotted the girl, her voice softened from confusion. She hadn’t expected a little girl all on her own.
“Our thief,” Joel chuckled, but quickly straightened his face when Tess inspected the girl with serious eyes. “She seemed to be hungry—”
“Where are your parents?” Tess asked, interrupting Joel. Tess’ voice wasn’t per se kind, but it was less rough then when she spoke to other adults. That much Joel could notice.
The girl didn’t answer, but her eyes moved to the other corner of the room. Joel and Tess followed the girl’s gaze until they noticed a built in closet. One of the doors was partly open and both of them could see the grimey, greyed flesh of two left arms hanging out the closet. A collective gasp left the two adults as their eyes turned to the little girl.
“What’s your name?” Joel asked, trying to ignore the presence of two dead bodies in the same room as him. He had seen and experienced worse, but imagining what the whole story must’ve been was something he didn’t want to think about.
“Mommy told me never to tell my name to strangers.” It was the first time the girl spoke and probably had spoken in a while. Her voice was hoarse to the point it sounded painful.
“Your mom is a very smart woman,” Tess said with a soft voice, trying not to scare the girl.
Joel crouched down to eye level with the girl and nodded to her as if coaxing her to look at him. “We can take you with us—”
“Joel,” Tess called in a scolding manner. He looked up to her to find her motioning him to follow her with her head. Joel smiled stiffly at the girl, before following Tess outside the room. “Are you insane, Joel? We can’t fucking take her! She’ll die out there.”
“She’ll die in here, Tess,” Joel retaliated firmly. His voice was unwavering just as were his eyes. “Look,” he began, letting her know he was about to reason with her. “We’ll take her back to the QZ. We find her a place she can stay—”
“We can’t just prance through the front gate of the QZ with a little girl. They’ll kill her on sight and us, because we shouldn’t be out here in the first place! I would rather have her die here with her family than have her killed under our responsibility.”
“I think it’s too late for that already. She’s been here for a while.” Joel raised his brows as if telling her “you know this too”, making Tess sigh in response and throw her head back. “Those bodies aren’t just a day old and I don’t want to open that closet, but I know that those people turned before she had to kill them.”
Tess looked back at Joel, her brows turned into a frown. “Since when did you start being a father again?”
“That is not what this is,” Joel clarified. Something in his tone telling Tess to bring up such things again. “I know you don’t want to leave this girl here alone either.”
“What if she’s infected?”
“You’ll check her over and if she’s okay we’ll take her to the QZ.”
“Okay and what after we get back in? She won’t be there officially. Legally. If they find her, she’ll be dead.”
“You know people. With your connections—”
“Joel.” Once again, Tess spoke with a tone to warn him about continuing to talk.
“Tess,” Joel called her, mimicking her tone. He moved closer ever so slightly and placed his hand on her forearm. His grip was soft, barely there and he looked at her with soft eyes. “I know you can do this. We can’t leave her here.”
Tess pressed her eyes closed as if she needed a second to wrap her mind around what had just happened and how this would affect them. Joel removed his arm from hers and took a step back, watching her contemplate everything they had done up until now. Joel knew what they were about to do wasn’t ideal, but he couldn’t leave the girl on her own after knowing she was starving and had spent several days locked up in a room with her dead parents.
By the time Joel had come to terms with the situation himself, he found that Tess had already joined the little girl back in the room.
“Lori.” Joel had missed the conversation that happened before this, but realised that they had just learned the name of the small girl.
“Do you know how old you are?”
“Seven.” Tess smiled and nodded at the girl, but Joel could easily tell she was trying to hide her surprise and frankly horror at finding out the girl’s age.
Seven and already had to kill her family. Joel wished Lori’s parents were horrible people. That forcing a child to kill her parents wasn’t for nothing—beside the obvious reason for them being infected.
“And you’re sure you don’t have any bites on you?” Tess asked whilst double checking the girl’s limbs. Lori nodded with wide eyes as she watched the tall woman. There was something akin to wonder in her eyes. She didn’t seem scared at all. “Do you want to come with me and Joel? I promise you, where we’re going, there is more food.” Tess smiled sadly as her words seemed to peak Lori’s interest. “It’s not much, but it’s more than you can find here.”
Lori stood up with the help of Tess, holding the tiny bit of beef jerky she had stolen tightly in her fist. They started moving towards the door where Joel stood waiting on them, when Lori stopped and stared at the closet. “What about my mommy and daddy?”
Joel and Tess had never found each other's gazes so quickly then when Lori uttered those words. “Well,” Tess began as she must’ve realised Joel didn’t know what to say in such situations. “They’re at peace here. Together. I’m sure they would love for you to go somewhere safe.”
Lori nodded hesitantly before turning sharply at Joel. Without a second glance, the little girl walked out the room and down the stairs with the two adults following her in silence.
It was crazy to Joel, how this little girl was able to cope with the world crumbling apart around her. Maybe it was because she didn’t know any better. Because the worst had already happened to her. It couldn’t be real to see a seven year old laugh and joke around with a woman 4-5 times her age after having been found only 3 hours before stealing food to survive and sitting in a room where she had killed her infected parents.
An amused chuckle coming from Tess, took Joel out of his trance. “I’m not supposed to like you, kid.” Joel watched as Lori’s brows turned down in confusion.
“Why not?”
Tess gave the girl a pat on her back, closing the bottle of water she had shared with her. “Because we’ll probably not see each other much when you get to the people who’ll take care of you.”
If it was possible, Lori’s frown would become more pronounced. It was as if the way those words left Tess’ mouth so easily affected the girl. She eyed Tess before glancing at Joel for a second and then refocused her gaze on Tess. “Am I not staying with you two?”
“Well, me and Joel aren’t home a lot. We have to work and aren’t always in the QZ. It’ll be hard to take care of you when we’re not home that often.”
“Oh,” Lori said softly. She looked down in her lap before nodding. “Will you at least come see me when you aren’t working?”
Tess smiled and patted the girl’s back again. “Of course.”
“Fucking—” Tess ducked her head to the side as the impact of the shot reverbrated from her left side. She looked up with a scowl, watching Lori walk up to her with a grin. “Are you trying to kill me?”
Lori holstered her gun before crouching down. She tore a piece of fabric from a dirty shirt she found laying around and wound it around Tess’ leg. While securing the fabric Lori glanced to Tess’ left side, just behind her on the floor. “I've got a pretty good aim,” she chuckled and focussed on finishing up the makeshift bandage around the older woman’s thigh. Tess looked behind her to see a clicker on the floor. Bullet hole right between where its eyes should be.
“Don’t get cocky on me now,” Tess warned the girl, trying not to show her a smile. Lori saw through her though, she always did.
Some shuffling sounded from behind the two as Lori pulled Tess back on her feet. “Are you done with your girl talk? We need to hurry up before it gets too dark.”
Lori looked back at Tess with an amused smirk. The older of the two hadn’t caught the smirk yet, until Lori spoke, “what a buzzkill.” Tess hit the younger girl on her shoulder, but tried to stifle her laugh as she watched Joel mumble under his breath.
“Don’t get on his bad side now,” Tess warned, limping slightly behind the two. The cut in her leg wasn’t too deep, yet it still stung. She had gone through worse, though.
“I think I already am,” Lori joked as she wrapped herself around Joel’s arm. “He doesn’t like me very much.”
“I’m sure that’s not true—”
“She’s right,” Joel interrupted Tess and shrugged the girl off his arm. Lori just laughed, leaving Joel to roll his eyes.
“Didn’t you see, though? I shot that clicker and saved Tess’ life!”
“Still don’t know why we gave you a gun,” Joel muttered.
“What? I just said I saved her life!”
Tess rolled her eyes, skipping a little to get between the two. She looked at the young girl before mouthing, “leave it.”
Lori rolled her eyes and this time Tess could tell the girl’s mood dropped. “I’m just letting you know you owe me.”
“I know I do,” Tess said to try and lighten the mood, but from that point on Lori—and Joel—stayed silent.
They arrived at Joel’s apartment in the QZ a few hours later. Joel crashed onto the couch while Lori sat down at the small kitchen table that was so wobbly, it got everyone wondering when it would break apart. The girl laid her head down on the table, closing her eyes as if she would fall asleep there.
“Kiddo,” Tess called out for Lori, who only hummed in response. “You said I owed you right?” Lori squinted her eyes questioningly at Tess before realising what she was holding in her hand.
“Wow! Where did you find this?” Lori took the book of sudokus from Tess and Tess could see the glimmers of excitement light up Lori’s eyes.
“Found it in that house where you saved me from that clicker. It’s partly filled in, but I’m sure there’s plenty you can still do.” Tess leaned in closer, pointing at something on the cover. “It says advanced, as well. I’m sure these will keep you occupied for a couple of weeks.”
“A couple of days maybe,” Lori muttered, but she was still happy beyond belief. “Thank you Tess!” The girl jumped up from her seat and launched herself onto Tess. The latter chuckled awkwardly, but let Lori hug her.
Tess found out rather quickly after they found Lori and took her to the QZ that the girl was really smart. Besides already being fairly mature for her age, the girl seemed to be a real problem solver—literally. The second she learned how sudokus were solved—she learned this from one of the men that worked for Tess—Lori would spend every minute she could solving them. As she got older, she did them less often. Not only were the books a rare thing to find, but she had also gotten so good at them that she would finish the easy ones within only a minute or two.
“What’s so fun about those little number games anyway?” Tess and Lori turned their heads to Joel, who had uttered the question with annoyance in his tone.
“I’m not surprised you don’t know that it’s called a sudoku, which isn’t a game,” Lori answered through gritted teeth. Joel just rolled his eyes and got more comfortable on the couch. “They’re puzzles,” the young girl added, “and you’re probably too stupid to solve them.”
“Lori!” Tess gasped before she watched Joel swing his legs down the couch and glower at the teen.
“You do not talk to me like that. Understood?” Joel’s voice was low and steady. It would make anyone cower, but Lori didn’t even flinch. She returned Joel’s scowl and for the first time Tess felt nervous seeing the two act the way they did.
“No,” Lori answered unwavering which caused Joel to boil over and stand up, anger clearly consuming his figure.
Tess quickly jumped between the two, pushing herself back into Joel so he couldn’t get closer to Lori. She knew Joel wouldn’t hurt her, but she wasn’t sure what else he would do and she wasn’t about to find out. “Okay, you two can stop this,” Tess told them with a nervous quiver in her voice. She wasn’t afraid of Joel, nor was she afraid of the young girl she had been taking care of for multiple years, but it was the foreign situation that was unfolding that caught her slipping from her usual collected demeanour. “I don’t know why you are so hostile towards each other today, but let’s just stop this now.”
Lori grabbed her puzzle book from the table, stuffed it in her bag and pulled the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “He fucking started it,” she mumbled, holding Joel’s stare.
“Let’s not handle this like children—”
“I am a kid, Tess!” The older of the two women watched as Lori’s eyes shifted to Joel. She could tell Lori was biting back her words before she looked back at Tess. The look in the girl’s eyes told Tess she felt betrayed that she, Tess, was taking Joel’s side and Tess wanted nothing more than to assure the girl that that wasn’t the case, but Lori spoke before she could say anything, “I’m heading home.”
Without another word, Lori turned around and disappeared behind the front door of Joel’s apartment, likely going back to Tess’ place. Tess sighed in disappointment before turning around to face Joel. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Joel mumbled something under his breath before laying back down on the couch.
“I know Lori isn’t your daughter. I know she isn’t Sarah—”
“Don’t bring her up,” Joel warned, opening his left eye to glare at Tess.
“Lori isn’t your kid, but she’s still a kid and that gives you no reason to treat her like shit.” Tess’ voice was full of disappointment and somewhere beneath the worry she carried for Lori and her relationship with Joel, there was anger. Anger towards the stupidity of it all. “I don’t know why you’re suddenly acting like this. I just don’t get it.”
Joel sighed and sat up on the couch, leaving room for Tess to sit down next to him if she pleased. “Seven years ago we said we’d bring Lori to a family who would take care of her. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want a 14 year old following us around with a gun and making our jobs 10 times harder.”
Tess frowned at the nonsense Joel was spitting. “What the fuck are you even saying? Seven years ago you insisted on bringing Lori here. You gave me no way out and I did everything I could to give her a family, but it didn’t work out. Now she’s my family and I’m getting a little pissed off with how you are treating her.”
“Next time, let’s leave her in the QZ when we go out, she’s a danger to us,” Joel said as if trying to change the subject. Tess, however, noticed Joel’s gaze lower to the bloody bandage around her leg and it was like a lightbulb turned on inside her head.
“This?” she asked incredulously, motioning at her leg. “The kid fucking saved me, Joel! If it weren’t for her, that clicker would’ve gotten to me.”
Joel jumped up from his seat and moved close to Tess. “What if she missed? What if she shot you instead? I should have saved you! I am the one that should keep you safe!” he yelled, emphasising the I’s by pointing at his chest.
Before Joel could register the sting on the side of his face, Tess was already storming out of his apartment. “You selfish bastard,” she muttered as she gathered her stuff. “Lori and I don’t need you. It’s you who needs us and you fucking know it. So get a grip.” The door shut with a loud bang.
“Huh—”
“Shh, sweetheart. It’s just me,” Tess whispered as she climbed into bed with Lori. She softly tucked Lori’s long locks of hair behind her ear and felt her heart break when she saw her tear stained cheeks. “You can go back to sleep,” she told the girl, who immediately buried her face underneath her chin.
The two usually never were this touchy. It only happened once before that they hugged like this. It was a day that Tess promised never to talk about again, knowing how much it affected Lori. If it were for Lori, however, they would be closer, physically and emotionally. Tess just didn’t want to get too attached—it was already too late for that. The thought in the back of her mind lingering. Wondering how many days they would be able to spend together in this hellish world. Even though they spent seven whole years together, Tess was still worried she might lose Lori or Lori might lose her. If anything happened she would like it to be the latter of the two options.
“I didn’t know what I did for him to hate me.”
“You didn’t do anything—”
“Clearly I did.”
Tess sighed, pulling the girl closer. “Joel doesn’t hate you,” she said, trying to comfort her in a soft voice. She chuckled a little as she said, “he’s just being a bit of a dick.”
“That’s an understatement,” Lori mumbled into Tess’ shirt, causing the older woman to laugh warmly. “It’s just that I see all these families in the QZ and outside that, despite everything, care for each other and then I look at my d— Joel and,” Lori started to stumble over her words and Tess could feel her face heating up against the skin of her neck. “He— My real father is dead, I don’t mean— Joel… I just want him to not hate me. I—”
Tess waited for Lori to continue, but she stopped talking completely. With a sad smile, not visible to Lori, Tess stroked the girl’s hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know he’ll come around—”
“Let’s just sleep.”
A sigh escaped Tess’ lips and she nodded. “Goodnight, love.”
As Lori slept in Tess’ arms, Tess thought about all the things she wanted to yell at Joel for. Her mind kept wandering back to the last words she yelled at Joel. “Lori and I don’t need you,” she remembered herself telling him. And it was true. But she also realised that Lori just wanted him. Moreover, she wanted Joel to want her. She wanted to be someone special in his life with the false hope he had given her when he insisted on bringing her to the QZ.
When Tess and Joel had found Lori, alone in that house, it was the first and last time both Tess and Lori had seen the fear, the love and the care of a father in Joel’s eyes. And that would continue to be true for Tess, because she wouldn’t be alive to see that shift again when Ellie—the girl she’d still be able to meet before her death—would start to mean something to Joel. Tess also wouldn’t be alive to see the betrayal and torment that would cause Lori.
Because all that Lori would ever want is for Joel to care.
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sunshineshobi18 · 1 year
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You Don't Look At Me
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words: 4.2k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Ellie x female!OC cw: violence, death, weapons, very much just angst ^^, spoilers for episode 8 summary: Lori had been with Joel longer than he had been with Ellie, but why did it not feel that way. As they continue to travel together, his disregard for her manifests into her hatred towards Ellie.
note: I just finished writing this when I post this. It's my first tlou fic, and I was just excited so this isn't the best, nor is it proofread, but I just felt like I had to get my fic in before the last episode of tlou season 1 airs kdsljjf I hope you still enjoy ^^ ps. I'm used to write for oc's so idk if ppl like that very much since ... x reader fics are pretty popular, I hope u guys don't mind
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She hated her. Ellie. The girl that had forced herself in their lives. Lori had been with Joel and Tess way before Ellie entered the picture. Way before Joel had started caring about Ellie. Or maybe he always did, but the older grumpy man never wanted to admit it.
Lori was Tess’ girl. Although Joel was the one who was incessant on helping Lori out and taking her in, Tess was the one the then little girl was glued to. They were inseparable in a way. It was tough love, but Tess cared for Lori a lot. She protected her, but she also encouraged Lori to fend for herself. They were almost more like sisters than mother and daughter. They both enjoyed it that way.
And then Lori had to watch Tess die. Not long after that, they found out Bill and Frank were dead as well. All the people that Lori cared for, all the people that cared for Lori and took care of her were gone. Now all she had left was Joel… and Ellie.
It all started a few days ago, when Joel had gotten hurt and the two girls had to drag him to safety. It was quieter than usual. Ellie kept on mumbling words of encouragement and hope at Joel while Lori lifted him as best as she could. By the time they reached the town they would be hiding out at, Joel was pretty much out of it. Ninety-nine percent of his body weight was weighing down on the girls as he couldn’t keep himself up anymore. Lori being the taller of the two girls carried the most weight. Whether Ellie realised this or not was something Lori didn’t want to think about. If she did know, Ellie sure as hell wasn’t doing anything to make the weight lighter on her. But that didn’t matter. Lori just wanted to make sure they got Joel to safety.
The next day, both girls tended to Joel’s needs, though not sure of what those were. With his bit of strength Joel had muttered for Ellie and Lori to leave, which they refused to do. Or at least Elli refused. Lori was too focused on the way Joel was only looking at Ellie. He didn’t spare Lori a glance, so she didn’t bother responding to his commands. It’s not like he would see her shake her head anyway.
To rationalise Joel’s behaviour, Lori made herself believe that the reason he would only look at Ellie was because she was the younger of the two girls. Ellie was strong physically, but she needed assurance emotionally. That’s why Joel would only zero in on Ellie, because she needed it. Not because he cared more about her than he cared about Lori.
And then he looked at Lori. Lori was surprised to see Joel’s eyes trained in on hers so intensely that she instinctively moved closer to Joel. “Go to Tommy—”
“Why should I go?” Lori felt her chest contract and tried to hide the quiver in her voice.
“Ellie will stay with me. You can go get help.” His voice didn’t hold nearly the same softness as it did when he spoke to Ellie. “Ellie can take care of me.”
Lori, rather childishly, shook her head from side to side as she stood up. “I’m not letting you send me away. If she’s staying, then so am I.” With a swing, Lori turned around and headed up the stairs to keep watch on their surroundings. She needed a few minutes to calm down before she’d be able to face the two again.
By the time Lori came back, Ellie had already patched Joel up with a dirty needle, which caused an infection. They were sure of it, but they rather have him with an infection than dead.
“I’ll go hunting—”
Lori jumped up from her sitting position against the wall as she watched Ellie reach out for Joel’s rifle. “What do you think you’re doing?” Lori’s voice trembled from not having spoken much in the last few days.
Ellie sighed and pulled the strap of the rifle over her shoulder. “We’re running out of food. If we have to stay here for a while, I think it’s better we don’t starve.” It was clear Ellie tried not to sound scared, but it was written all over her. Lori might not have liked the girl, but she spent enough time with her to figure out these things. “I’ll be back,” she whispered and ran upstairs with the rifle that was too big and too heavy for her.
Hours had passed with no sight of Ellie coming back yet, but eventually she did. Her face was red and her hands were slightly shaking as she announced she got medicine for Joel. Lori watched as Ellie injected the needle in Joel’s flesh, still not having asked where the penicillin came from. She decided not to ask her, too focused on Joel getting better.
Despite their differences, Ellie and Lori had something in common: they both needed Joel. They were both naive kids who hoped that the shot of penicillin would magically heal the person they both relied on, but he stayed unmoving on the mattress on the floor.
“How long do you think this shit will take to start working?” Ellie asked and Lori only answered with a quick shrug. In any other situation Lori would’ve answered like that to brush Ellie off, to end their conversations as quickly as they started, but right now Lori was just as clueless as Ellie. She was so focused on micro analysing each movement of Joel’s body and facial expressions, that she didn’t feel like talking. “I hope soon.”
“Me too.” Ellie’s eyes widened as she heard Lori speak in that soft voice she only heard a few times before. She overheard Joel and Lori talk about Tess a few nights after they had left her in that building to die with those infected. Lori’s voice suppressed pain and sadness, just as it did when she told Joel that she lost her second chance for a family when Tess died. Joel hadn’t answered Lori that night and Ellie knew that hurt Lori because it hurt her too. After that night Lori changed into the closed off, stoic person she was now. A big change to the playful yet rough girl she used to be with Tess around.
 “I’m sorry,” Ellie spoke softly in the quietness of the basement. Lori hesitantly looked up before asking Ellie what she was sorry for. “Everything…
“For Tess mostly—”
“Joel told you not to mention her,” Lori chastised her.
At the sudden outburst Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes. She dropped the wet shirt she was using to wipe Joel’s sweat off and looked at Lori. “He’s not even able to talk right now,” she motioned at the man they were sitting on each side of. Joel hadn’t moved much in a while, he was probably fully asleep. “You have the right to talk about her as much as you want. She was someone special to you too!”
Ellie didn’t mean to get upset, but she couldn’t help herself. She knew the reason Lori was so closed off was because she never got to talk—never got to grieve—over the loss of Tess. Maybe her outburst came from a selfish place. A place where she wished Lori was nicer to her or at least talk to her willingly and she knew that could only happen if Lori was able to grieve.
Lori stood up slowly with a nod. “You are right about that. She was someone special to me. And now she’s dead, so there’s no reason to talk about her. Tess is in the past.”
Before the older of the two girls could run away again—run away from her emotions—Ellie stood up as well. “The medicine,” she suddenly said, causing Lori to turn back at her. “The medicine, I got it from two men. They have a village.”
“What?” Lori whispered, not sure whether to be angry that Ellie hid such a potential danger and important detail or hope that they could maybe get some help. “Who? Where? Did they do or say something to you?”
Lori was all up in Ellie’s face, but it wasn’t in a threatening manner. She was silently looking Ellie over for injuries, determined to take care of Ellie since Joel wasn’t able to. It was a natural instinct, because she would never willingly take care of her like that.
“I’m… fine, but we aren’t,” Ellie told her with a look of shame, her head tilted down. “They were from the group of men that attacked us and hurt Joel. I’m afraid they’ll come after us.”
A loud groan came from Lori as she threw her head back. She yelled at Ellie, “of course they’ll come for us!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know, but they gave us medicine and—this can fucking heal Joel!”
Lori shook her head in disbelief, took a few breaths before placing her hands on Ellie’s shoulders. “Listen here. They’ll probably come for us either tonight or tomorrow morning. You’ll stay with Joel and I’ll be upstairs on the lookout. If anything happens, we’ll board up the basement, you’ll take a horse to one side of the town and I’ll stay back as long as possible to take out anyone coming for Joel. If they are gone I’ll take the other horse and come for you.”
Ellie looked at Lori with wide eyes, the dread now finally settling in. Lori’s plan didn’t sound very convincing, but all Ellie could do was nod her head. There was something about how the older girl talked, so sure about herself even though she probably had no idea what she was talking about, that had Ellie agreeing to her. At that moment she saw a mixture of Tess and Joel in Lori. She felt the leadership and determination that Tess held radiating from Lori and at the same time the comfort she found in Joel was also present. It was weird, but with no one else to rely on—and partly not trusting herself—Ellie was going to blindly follow Lori.
And then it happened, the next day a group of men came to the house. Lori and Ellie followed the procedure Lori established, leaving Joel with a knife to fend for himself—just in case.
Ellie had been long gone, at this point, and Lori decided not to think about the gunshot and the crying horse sound she heard from the side of the town Ellie had left to. No, at that moment, Lori had her eyes focused on one man that was searching one of the houses. She snuck up on him, making sure no one was behind her before kicking the man in his lower back, sending him to the floor. She was about to plunge her knife in his upper back when the man whipped around onto his back and swung the blunt end of his pistol against her face. Ignoring the blood that flowed from her mouth, Lori kicked the man in his lower stomach and inched away from him towards her knife.
“You little bitch,” he spat and tried to get a grip on his gun before she dove at him and he fell back onto his rear. Lori quickly pushed him back by the shoulders causing his head to hit the floorboards with an unhealthy thud. The man had no time to grab his gun or push the girl away, when, through his blurred vision, he saw something move towards him. Lori had plunged her knife in his chest twice before standing up and kicking him against his head. When he stopped moving Lori pulled her knife from his chest and looted his body for his gun and some ammunition.
Lori spent an hour looking around the town, finding no one else before rushing back to the house she and her two travel partners had occupied for a day or two.
Dread set in when she found that the cabinet that blocked the basement door had been moved. “Joel—” she caught herself before she was yelling too loudly. Carefully she moved down the stairs, only for her blood to run cold at the scene. She found a man dead on the floor, close to where Joel had been sleeping, but there was no sign of Joel. Quickly she ran out, scouring the surroundings for Joel, not caring if she was quiet or not, only to find that he and their second—and last—horse was gone. It caused her a bit of relief, because she could conclude he was probably the one that took the horse, but still she was nervous.
Her nervousness was substantiated when someone came up from behind her and pulled her back with a hand covering her mouth. She felt the dull end of a knife carve a small slit on the side of her neck, just sharp enough to cause a shallow cut in her skin. Desperately Lori kicked and punched her limbs back to throw the person off her back. As she looked back, she found a wounded man looking at her with fear filled eyes.
“Where are they?” Lori spoke in a low voice. The man held his hands up and tried to push himself back with his feet. Lori hadn’t even realised she was holding the man’s friend’s gun at him. “The girl and the man your idiot friends almost killed. WHERE ARE THEY!” Lori yelled, pushing the gun closer to the man.
“I don’t—”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know! Where do you guys live?” she screamed again this time placing the gun right on his forehead.
The man flinched, blood and tears mixing on his cheeks as he let out a watery mumble of their village’s name. Lori kneeled down on his stomach and got close to them, demanding directions to the place. “T-That way. Just go straight that way and eventually you’ll see a bunch of buildings behind that forest. I’m sure you’ll still be able to see your friend’s footsteps in the snow.”
As she stood up, Lori hit the man in the face with the gun, enough to make him sputter out some more blood. He probably wouldn’t die of his injuries, but lying in the snow would definitely not help him recover.
By the time Lori had stumbled her way to the village, things had already gone to shit. She could see smoke coming from a building and although that was every reason not to be near it, Lori’s instinct told her to go there. She stumbled closer, feeling her eyes get heavier and feet get slower.
“HEY! What are you doing here?” Lori could barely turn to her left when a brawny man approached her.
“Stay away from me,” she hissed, but her words didn’t come out nearly as threatening as she wanted to. The girl reached for the gun that she had holstered underneath her belt, her fingers fidgeting and shaking trying to get a firm grasp on it.
“Aren’t you the little girl with those other two?” His voice almost sounded amused as he approached her. “I wouldn’t go for that gun if I were you.” Lori didn’t listen and continued to reach for the gun. “This is not going to end well for you, darling,” he told her as he closed the distance.
“FUCK YOU!” She yelled before pointing the gun at him and pulling the trigger. She looked up to find the man still standing, both their eyes widening, before the man’s lips turned into a cruel smirk.
“You done fucked up, darling,” he laughed before grabbing Lori by her hand and pulling her close. She screamed and kicked as he plunged a knife into her side, missing her stomach but still hitting her deep and painfully. “It’s better if you stop fighting—”
A gunshot resounded as the man fell to the floor, collapsing partly onto Lori. He coughed up blood for a good minute or two before his movement stopped completely. Lori looked back down at her gun that had failed her at first, but showed her mercy at last. Though the knife in her side wasn’t pleasant, she was happy she didn’t end up dead.
A few moments passed before she refocused her eyes on the burning building. The flames had grown more terrifying, but Lori continued to crawl towards it, leaving a trail of blood behind.
Suddenly the door to the building opened, revealing a staggering Ellie, seemingly out of it as she walked away from the building. Lori yelled out for her, but her voice didn’t seem to reach the other girl. Giving up on trying to call for her attention, Lori continued crawling.
“GET OFF OF ME!” Lori didn’t realise she wasn’t looking until she heard Ellie’s screams.
“It’s me. Look! It’s me. It’s me.” Joel was there. He was alive and he was taking care of Ellie, who was also alive. The two mumbled words at each other that Lori couldn’t hear from where she was laying on the snow, but she knew Joel was comforting Ellie. The two embraced each other, completely shutting out the rest of the world.
Lori watched as the two got up. Joel gave Ellie his jacket, making sure she was completely covered. “L-Lori—” Ellie’s voice was breaking, stuttering over the name, but Lori heard it—barely.
“She’ll be fine, she’s strong, she’s fine,” Joel comforted Ellie mindlessly. Speaking like the words meant nothing to him.
Lori hated her. Ellie. She hated her for meaning everything to Joel. Even if she was so close, Joel never saw her when Ellie was around. Just like now. Because his eyes could only focus on Ellie, his mind was always wandering to Ellie and if she was okay and if she would be okay. Lori was Tess’ responsibility, but Tess wasn’t here anymore and Joel seemed to forget about that.
“I’m here,” Lori choked, trying to stand up. “I’m here,” she tried to yell louder as Joel and Ellie started to move away. “I’m here!” With a shrill squeak she fell back down in the snow. The sound caused enough noise for Joel and Ellie to turn around and spot her.
“Lori,” Joel stared in disbelief for a few moments before following Ellie towards the girl. “How did you—”
Ellie pushed Lori on her back, noticing the knife in her side and the wounds on her face and neck. “Joel?” She turned to look at Joel with questioning eyes. “What do we do?”
Joel felt overwhelmed. He was sure Lori had died, not questioning why he thought that way. “I don’t know…”
“Do something goddamnit!” Ellie yelled looking at Joel for help. She was pulled back in time to only a day or two ago when it was Joel on the floor and her and Lori sitting on each side of him. Back then Lori had taken the lead, telling her to help Joel onto the horse, then dragging him all the way to their little safe house. Now, expecting a grown man to know what he was doing, Ellie felt more helpless.
Lori’s wounds were less severe, but she wasn’t as strong as Joel, at least not physically. “You don’t have to take me with you,” Lori mumbled.
“What?” Ellie felt helpless all over again and reached for Lori’s hand.
“Just don’t let me die in the snow, it’s so cold here.”
Ellie took matters in her own hands as she pulled Lori to her feet, supporting the girl with an arm around her waist. “I’m not letting you die at all,” she shook her head and started walking, but only a few steps in, Lori fell back to the floor.
It was then that Ellie realised how Lori hadn’t slept in a few days, always taking watch so that Ellie could take care of Joel. She realised Lori had walked all the way to the village, because Joel and Ellie had taken the two horses they had. She realised that Lori didn’t want to fight to survive.
“Please Lori, we can’t lose you, okay?”
Seeing Ellie’s watery smile as she tried to give Lori some strength, Joel finally stood up and put Lori back on her feet.
Lori was clinging on to him, she’d like to admit it was just because she needed the support, but if she were honest, it was because she needed him. She wanted his touch, to feel the love he had for his daughter at one point, and the love he now had for Ellie.
Once stabilised, Lori rested her head on Joel’s shoulder and looked up at him. “Do you think Tess would be proud of me?” Joel looked down at the girl before scoffing.
“Don’t you fucking do that. Don’t talk like you’re giving up,” he mumbled and turned away his gaze from her. He started walking, practically dragging Lori around, with Ellie on the other side of the injured girl.
“Why do you care,” Lori said while her words became more slurred and unintelligible. “It’s not like you ever look at me. Just like now. Just like earlier, when I was only a few feet away from you and if I didn’t yell out you’d leave me dead out there anyway.”
It was quiet until the three had found shelter for the time being. Joel was crouched down in front of Lori—no eye contact—as he tended to her wound. He didn’t really know what he was doing either, but he clearly was more skilled than Ellie and Lori when they tried to take care of him.
“So… Tess—”
“If you’re thinking about joining her, then fucking think again.” It was almost a threat that was being hissed through his teeth.
“I don’t get why you suddenly care so—”
“I always fucking cared, Lori! Joel stood up and eyed her with desperation. “I’ve cared, before Tess died, I care after she died. I never stopped.”
Lori looked down at her lap, the bloody gauzes still soaking up the blood of a cut in her leg she doesn’t remember getting. “It doesn’t feel like it, that’s for sure.”
“You want to know why?” Lori looked up, nodding her head hesitantly in response. “Because you remind me too goddamn much of Tess. And I failed her and you when I couldn’t protect her and now I’m failing her again if you die and I can’t live with myself if I let that happen.”
Lori felt tears prickle in her eyes when she finally heard the truth, but she didn’t want to show him that. “That’s a very selfish way of looking at it.”
“I know,” Joel sighed, falling back on his knees in front of the girl. He placed both his hands on her knees, one of his hands inching towards Lori’s hand that was resting a bit higher on her lap. “I—” He looked at Ellie, making sure she was still asleep before looking back at Lori. He leaned in a bit more to make sure she looked him in the eyes as he confessed the full truth. “Despite how I act, I’m a scared man. I don’t want to lose you like I— like we lost Tess. And I know pushing myself away from you isn’t doing any more good than it does harm, but I just want to believe that if something ever happened to you, it would hurt less if I didn’t let you get close.”
It was quiet for a while before Lori spoke, “you’re an asshole.”
Joel chuckled slightly, but nodded at the words. “You’re right. I am and I'm sorry. I wish I did everything differently. Just, don’t ever think I don’t care, because I do. I care so much.” He leaned up to hold her face in his hands. “So much.”
“Then why Ellie and not me? Why do you take care of her and not me?”
Joel sighed once again. “Because I’m an idiot. I know you’re scared too, but I can see it in her eyes and I can’t see it in yours. She didn’t have anyone else before this, but you lost so many people… I’m sorry Lori. I don’t know.”
The two searched each other's eyes for answers to questions they didn’t even know they had. Sitting there, for the first time really acknowledging each other and each other’s fears.
“It’s okay,” Lori finally spoke. “Once we get back to Jackson— if I get back to Jackson, I will leave you alone.”
“Lori you don’t have to do that—”
“No, it’s fine. If you continue to search for the fireflies for Ellie or whatever you plan on doing next, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Lori, please—”
Lori gulped down a sob and shook her head from side to side. “It’s okay, Joel. I’ll be safe in Jackson, so you don’t have to worry. I won’t die there. And who knows. I’ll be 18 in a few years,” she chuckled painfully. “Maybe I’ll find someone who really loves and cares for me.”
Joel pressed his eyes closed, suppressing the tears that were threatening to spill and leaned his forehead atop of Lori’s knees. He nodded his head hesitantly.
“If that’s what you want.”
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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[STATION : NCT LAB] JAEHYUN 재현 'Forever Only' MV - JAEHYUN (ver.3)
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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[STATION : NCT LAB] JAEHYUN 재현 'Forever Only' MV - JAEHYUN (ver.2)
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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[STATION : NCT LAB] JAEHYUN 재현 'Forever Only' MV - JAEHYUN (ver.1)
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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MUSIC SPACE : ‘Rain Day’ Behind Story & Live Stage | THE NCT SHOW - NCT U
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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I understand your view. I do want to add that likes do help in a way. Likes (and just the total number of notes) do put your posts in the top of their used tags. Tumblr changed tags to automatically sort by top of all time (on mobile at least, web might be a bit different. You might have to click on the top/popular tab if it doesn't do it automatically). Although there might be different factors that also come to play in it, in my experience likes contribute to which position your post is.
Of course to get more likes and more people to find your blog, reblogging is one way to boost that, but you have to take into account that a lot of rebloggers might not have a following. The other way of growing a following? Slowly watching your blog grow by being consistent, or just by posting in general and using tags ppl check regularly. Or having a lucky day and have one of your posts be a hit and watch ppl decided to read the rest of your blog (or not).
To assure you I haven't missed your point tho ^^, feedback + interaction is very much lacking on this platform for many bloggers. I'll always get a bit more excited and will appreciate feedback and it's definitely something I feel like every blog, no matter the size, deserves.
I think it's a bit dense of me to say that I at this point care a bit less about this (i've been through all emotions while after being a writer on the internet for way too long), but I'll never put down a writer/blogger who wants, asks for and deserves feedback. You're definitely doing a good thing by bring this up and like you said, change happens only if you push for it.
LIKES DO NOTHING! It’s not Instagram or Twitter or whatever social media site YOU are on. REBLOGS and feedback boosts a story tremendously! I used to beg for reblogs and feedback. It was so frustrating and silent readers don’t do anything!
Yes I get if you’re too afraid to comment something. It’s okay none of us will bite we actually appreciate it a lot, I have so many instances where I get a like and nothing else. So please reblog content you like with feedback! Y’all are complaining that writers are leaving. DO YOUR DAMN PART AND REBLOG! If you do that then writers will stay!
Change won’t happen until you start changing!
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 'Beatbox' MV - JENO
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 'Beatbox' MV - JAEMIN
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 'Beatbox' MV - NCT DREAM
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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[STATION] 태용 (TAEYONG) X 원슈타인 (Wonstein) 'Love Theory' MV - TAEYONG
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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That's me! I have a side blog @nctsjiho where I post about my female NCT OC!JiHo. One day I might actually start posting writings/reactions on here that aren't JiHo related. So, until that day, here's just a little introduction to myself🤍💚🤍
Meet The Writer
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Finally, here's a little introduction to the person behind Lim JiHo. I've been wanting to do something like this for so many months and today I finally did it! Sooo~ Yeah ^^
Little side note(s):
my hair isn't green lol
I did that MBTI test maybe in 2017 and I haven't redone it since. It might have changed, but the description of ISTP seems to summarize me pretty accurately
I have an insanely hard time choosing biases and I don't really have biases for NCT, but those 3 are high up there ^^
OH AND, Ash isn't my real name, it's not even a nickname my friends use, because my name is really short and only 2 people (my mom and my best friend) have nicknames for me, but they are only for them to use ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ However, Ash is somewhat close to my name so you can call me that <3
My handwriting sucks, I'm sorry. I hope you can read everything
I don't only stan groups that have 3 letter abbreviations/names XD
I'm not an artist, clearly
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 '버퍼링 (Glitch Mode)' MV - NCT DREAM
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 '버퍼링 (Glitch Mode)' MV - JISUNG
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sunshineshobi18 · 2 years
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NCT DREAM 엔시티 드림 '버퍼링 (Glitch Mode)' MV - CHENLE
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