listless in my devotion
a contradiction in all that I am
energetic yet living largely
in a stasis that only I can
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I am so exhausted by myself
I can't get enough sleep even when I try
I am so worthless, why even bother
these thoughts drive me to
find any answer that can explain this numbness
but nothing sticks the way it should
I am tired and I want this all to be over
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I wanted to give you my life
instead I found a knife
and etched my pain into lines
the words that I could never say
the thoughts I hoped would go away
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Your photography is always so good and often showcases the great beauty of the world, but your words are always so heartbreaking (IMHO). I very much hope you will find more happiness over time. <3
Thank you! I use the poetry as a way of letting out the emotions that tend to bottle. I feel like it is important to not keep a lid on pain because it seems to get worse when I do. I hope I don't distress you too much! I am generally ok enough though. :)
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my attachment to this world feels not too strong
yet I'm still here, living on
how did I make it and not give up
I feel like I'm breaking, constantly not enough
and somehow, I am alive
what kind of lunacy allows me to survive
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measure my soul
you'll know its lacking
the weight I carry on
is enough to damn anyone
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I wish it was me
but I think
it might be living
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we all struggle to find our place
but what happens when it never says
I have nowhere to call home
just a home that is not where I live
this roof over my head is breaking
the slow rot of existence
it eats away at all this
I have no home and I can't repair what I have
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the perseverance
that I could only hope to desperately cling to
comes so naturally to you
how do you push forward through all the pain
it amazes me, but I know what I can't
and that is pursue a life that could last
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help me, I find myself screaming
into the abyss that swallows me whole
nothing escapes
you can't hear me
I don't know what I said again
lost in this void
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I'm tired of regretting all that I should have chased after
I hold all this remorse in my soul
leaving me feeling a constant loss
but how can I chase after something if I can't get up
I am struggling to crawl
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my mind is blank
but not because it is clear
swallowed whole by the emptiness
confused by the consumption
and now, I am not whole
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your juxtaposition between
marching forward and staying
where would you rather go
than where you are
a certain level of certainty
and that safe place
its illusion is how you're able to stand
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who are you but the tormentor
the one who has me wrapped around their finger
and I can do nothing, not sure I want to
I'm so wound that there isn't a clear way out
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my soul was there
in your hands, being crushed
and my heart was on the floor
as you stepped on it
I try to forget this pain
the weight of it makes it hard to breathe
but it sticks to me like an echo
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