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southernjazz · 2 days
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I know Life and Death exist but it would have been so interesting if Smeyer only gender bent Edward, Bella, and Jacob and kept everyone else the same.
Would vampire Esme still have crushed as hard on Carlisle if he had a beautiful bronze haired vampire already at his side? Would Rosalie be jealous not because Edyth didn’t want her, but because Edyth and Alice became sisters in a way she and Edyth never did?
In the later books, would Billy still be a-okay with Beau immediately rebounding to Julie because that’s sure as hell what it looked like from the outside? With Julie as the first female werewolf, would that make her besties with Leah or at least give her more support?
If Edyth still wanted to wait until marriage and made her intentions clear, would the Cullens have just sat by and let Beau try to finagle sex out of her?
Bonus: I wish Charlie and Renee were also gender bent. But maybe the idea of a quiet, brunette woman pining over a stunning red haired man she thinks she’s not good enough for would already be too close to canon.
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southernjazz · 3 days
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This is what Smeyer did but she published her fanfics and made tens of millions of more dollars
If I ever became a famous author, I would write silly fanfiction about my characters and not reveal that it’s me. See if people realize or not lol
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southernjazz · 4 days
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Edward spends all of Eclipse trying to become friends with the cat and is extremely peeved when he sees Phoenix sitting on Jacob’s back in wolf form one day
bella swan should've had a cat. i can just picture it, renée let bella take her with her from arizona because bella mostly took care of her anyway. or maybe she was a stray she found trying to get into the garbage outside charlie's house on one of her first nights in forks. bella took her in because she reminded her of herself; cold, alone and unsure of where she belonged. charlie wasn't happy about it at first but reluctantly agreed to let bella keep her because he felt a little guilty about bella not really having any friends in forks. i'd like to imagine she always hid under bella's bed whenever edward was around because she could sense something strange about him. maybe her name was phoenix.
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southernjazz · 14 days
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Seeing how uh fond Smeyer is of the traditional family unit, I wouldn’t put it past her to have Tiffany Call move down because she’s only ever loved one man and can’t stand the thought of not being near him, even if it makes no sense and she won’t name him and he is determined to stay hidden. Look at the vampires who can only ever love once. Look at Edward who was supposedly going to leave Bella but always watch her from the shadows. Look at Charlie who apparently never got over Renee (until his best friend died and he could swoop in on Sue). Smeyer is big on a One True Love for life.
Also, Bella and the other human teens were all born in the late 80s. As someone who grew up in a small town, it would be absolute hell to be pregnant by a mystery man who never shows up to claim his kid. I can’t imagine it would be any better decades ago when traditional nuclear families were still expected and so I could 100% see the appeal of moving out of there as soon as you could.
Lastly, if Embry’s father was Billy and Billy decided to claim his son, I’m sure Tiffany knew it also didn’t hurt that Billy was and always will be a respected member of the tribe.
In Eclipse, there’s that part when Edward is dishing on all the pack gossip, and he says:
His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She’s not Quileute. Everyone assumed she’d left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack.
When I read that, I had assumed that Tiffany Call knew about the wolf legends. Maybe her Quileute lover had told her about them to try and impress her, like Jacob with Bella on the beach. And so, she knew since her child’s father was Quileute, that there was a chance he might phase someday, and it would be better to have him among his father’s people so they could help him if such a thing happened. It made perfect sense to me and made her seem like a devoted mom to face all that awkwardness to do what was best for him.  But then in Breaking Dawn, we get this:
Embry’s mom thought he was going through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn’t much he could do about that. She’d check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She’d yell and he’d take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We’d tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry’d said he didn’t mind. The secret was too important.
So my interpretation was totally off base, I guess. So why on earth did she move to La Push? So her son could be near his father—even though she won’t name who he is and the father won’t acknowledge paternity? That seems … kinda pointless? Did she do it just to cause ~drama? Just passive-aggressively make Embry’s father have to live with the guilt of seeing him walking around La Push? Or maybe she DOES know what is going on and is getting on Embry’s case because she’s upset he won’t talk to her about it. He finally is like “OMG I’M A WOLF, MOM.” “WAS THAT SO HARD?!?!? I just wanted you to be honest with me!” “Wait, what?” “Why do you think I moved here in the first place? For my health?”
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southernjazz · 19 days
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Edward: *leaves Bella for her own good in New Moon*
Edward: *breaks Bella’s truck to prevent her from going to see Jacob and tricks her into visiting Renee for her own good*
Also Edward: boohoo Bella wants to keep our baby and she won’t even hear me out on it we’re supposed to be in this together:((((((
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southernjazz · 22 days
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Edward compels Bella to forget him in New Moon (after compelling her to stay safe first) and when he eventually comes groveling back she literally has no idea who this guy this
if Twilight vampires had compulsion would Edward use it on Bella?
Oh, absolutely, assuming her gift wouldn't fend him off.
He would compell her to forget the truck incident and not think any more about him, only to start worrying about all the ways she might get hurt. This is the man who convinced himself that staying in her bedroom was necessary to protect her from danger: he would compell her to accept the brand new car with terrific safety features some mystery benefactor bought her, and compell Charlie not to question it either. He'd compell her to remember to eat, to stay away from Mike Newton, to keep out of the woods, to walk carefully when it's icy out, he would compell the PE teacher to let her sit out his classes, and on it would go.
Bella would turn into Coppelia, it would be awful.
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southernjazz · 1 month
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It hurts seeing other people live your dream
Sorry my posts haven't been as frequent or funny as usual. It's because I'm eating well, sleeping regularly, and exercising
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southernjazz · 1 month
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This scene is so freaking funny because here is Bella eating vegetables aka edible art because she’s a vegetarian and then here comes Edward who eats animals because he is also a vegetarian oh and also he is wretchedly in love with the tall glass of 5’4” edible art in front of him
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TWILIGHT — dir. Catherine Hardwicke (2008)
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southernjazz · 1 month
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Me holding onto Edward Cullen and his sleeveless white button down like a buoy in the ocean
girls r like "but he's my comfort character" and then it's literally the most emotionally traumatized man you have ever seen ever
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southernjazz · 2 months
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I love my dark brown eyes I feel like they protect me from mind readers
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southernjazz · 2 months
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whenever breaking dawn is brought up in conversations I can't help but think about how absolutely overpowered and dangerous renesmee is going to be.
she is the trustfundiest trust fund kid ever to trust fund, she has literally unlimited money and resources.
she can eat human food but she prefers (???) blood.
She can transfer any idea into your head via touch, presumably even lie to you that way, and the sensation is overwhelming for even a vampire, let alone a human with a more limited mental capacity.
Everyone is obsessed with her at first glance for some unknowable reason.
She's just as beautiful as a vampire, with 0 of the creepiness factor via cold skin, no heartbeat, no blinking, no breathing, palor, etc.
Her dad can read her every thought, and is incapable of giving her privacy.
Her endlessly devoted werewolf uncle is trying to groom her from birth to be his forever bride.
She will look and act like a grown adult by the time she is 7 years old.
She literally murdered her mother in childbirth.
Her name is so profoundly stupid.
This girl is going to grow up unhinged, angry, and on a power trip the likes of which the world has never seen. Her cult is going to be next level. Someone is going to have to take her out before she takes over the world.
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southernjazz · 2 months
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In Breaking Dawn Edward says he asked his brothers about sex and you cannot tell me that Emmett didn’t mess with him.
Emmett: make sure you are positioning Bella exactly due north so that you rock her world. I’m sure you’ve heard of “finding the spot” before
Edward, religiously jotting that down on a pad of paper: so that’s what that means
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southernjazz · 2 months
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There should have been a moment in Breaking Dawn P1 at the end of the wedding where Emmett just throws like a 50 lb bag of rice at Edward
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southernjazz · 2 months
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Edward: the baby’s coming the baby’s coming
Bella, bloated as hell: *let’s out a seven second long fart*
Breaking Dawn au where Bella actually just had food poisioning but they rush back to Forks anyway convinced she's pregnant. So Carlisle gets all this high tech doctor stuff, preparing himself for that fact that he has to operate on Bella. Then Bella's fine. Carlisle has a very long talk with Edward. Emmett brings this incident up for the rest of eternity.
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southernjazz · 2 months
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southernjazz · 2 months
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Still reading Midnight Sun. I swear the inner logic of Esme's thoughts BAFFLE me
Esme: Edward can I have a moment with her?? I want her to be comfortable with me in Bella's first baseball game with us
Esme, five seconds after: Bella my son died and I tried to kill myself
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southernjazz · 2 months
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esme cullen aesthetic ✨
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