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smollenby · 3 months
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reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something
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smollenby · 3 months
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Muriel, walking in the kitchen: Aziraphale?
Azi, angrily kneading dough: Hey.
Muriel:…What are you doing?
Azi: Kneading dough.
Muriel: Okay, why?
Azi: When I get super mad, I knead dough. Just let me work through it.
Muriel: O-Okay.
- Later -
Crowley, rushes in: Where’s Angel?
Muriel: Uh, kneading dough in the kitchen.
Crowley: Ah shit, I’m in the doghouse. I was never here! *runs away*
Muriel: What did you do though?
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smollenby · 5 months
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Y/N: *sneaking in at 3am*
Aziraphale: *dramatically turning around in a swivel chair* Care to tell me where you were?
Y/N: I was with-uh- I was with Crowley!
Crowley: *also dramatically turns around in a swivel chair, but pushed too hard* Care to try aga- *keeps spinning* Angel?! Angel- I can’t stop the chair-
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smollenby · 5 months
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can’t believe we got a canonical fanfiction-flavored “oh…” moment of love realization from Crowley.
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smollenby · 5 months
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The best little fanon thing they confirmed for me was making the Bentley a little pet. Cause in the book it’s just a one off joke about how the CDs turn into queen if you leave them in A car long enough but it’s like no…the Bentley loves aziraphale and gives him sweets and plays whatever he wants and turns yellow for him and parks where he tell it to and plays “a nightingale sang in Berkeley square” when crowley is heartbroken and plays “good old fashioned lover boy” when crowley is racing back to help aziraphale. And crowley coos to it like it’s a puppy. Love that car
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smollenby · 5 months
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smollenby · 5 months
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So the thing is that Bildad the Shuhite conducted an elaborate fake childbirth right in front of two archangels and a host of other angels without a single one clocking him as a demon. This suggests that either there's no angelic sixth sense alerting them to the presence of demons or if there is, Crowley knows how to avoid triggering it.
This has a bunch of interesting implications, but the one my brain has latched onto like a pertinacious terrier is the possiblity that Aziraphale has actually introduced Crowley to the archangels at least a dozen times through the ages, always under a new alias, and with Crowley wearing a series of increasingly improbable fake moustaches.
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smollenby · 5 months
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Did Aziraphale just check out Crowley's arse when he bent over?
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Why, yes. Yes, he did.
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smollenby · 5 months
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seeing all the anti trans bullshit being spread around social media right now is just reminding me to look out for each other, uplift your fellow trans friends and most importantly be kind. trans rights are human rights always, never forget that
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smollenby · 6 months
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Eddie's got dubious history with picture messages. Only a very small group of people have his number, considering he's the front man of a multimillion best selling metal band, he doesn't ever want his number to be public knowledge.
So yeah, picture message from and unknown number? Dubious.
Eddie's had enough dick and...vag...pics in his time that he, honestly, doesn't really want another. But when the picture is followed by a message, "were you thinking something like this?"
Well, Eddie's a curious guy. So, committing himself to the idea that this might be new number time, again, he opens the message.
To be confronted with a cake. A really fucking cool cake actually, it's got a car dashing around a muddy track on top with a big '5' in the middle. All of it looks edible, made out of...cake stuff. Eddie has no idea what it is, but it looks delicious.
"One layer chocolate, one layer red velvet? I can do any combination of flavours you want."
Well. Eddie isn't anything but impulsive and he was trying to figure out what the fuck to do for the 'quiet' celebration they were planning for going platinum. Again.
"I think you have the wrong number'" Eddie types, "but I definitely want to order a cake from you."
"Oh my god I'm so sorry, unsolicited cake pics are the worst 😉"
And Eddie can't help it, he laughs, and types back, "if I told you I wanted three tiers of the darkest, spookiest, cherry chocolate what would you come up with?"
It takes a couple of minutes, but Eddie's phone pings twice in quick succession, the first picture is of a spooky orange cake clearly Halloween themed, covered in ghosts and skeletons and stuff. The second is jet black and has a coffin on top that looks like it's leaking green corrosive stuff and Eddie nearly throws his phone in excitement. "That! The second one!"
"🤣 that's an old pic, I was just starting out then, but everything is edible, the green slime is made out of jello"
"Where are you based and can you make it for the 15th? I'll get a courier to collect."
"Sure thing, how many portions? And I need a deposit up front. I'll do chocolate ganache and cherry filling."
"Errr...like, 150? Maybe?"
Eddie sits and watches as the dots appear and disappear, appear and disappear, and then there's a pic.
It's a selfie of the most beautiful man he's ever seen. And he's standing in a kitchen, holding a cake pan. Suddenly Eddie's phone is ringing in his hand and he is panicking because beautiful man is calling him. "Hello?"
"Hey, man, it's Steve, the cake guy?". Eddie assumes he makes an affirmative noise because Steve keeps talking, "anyway, that cake pan I'm holding is literally the largest one I own, even if I did three tiers, no way will it cater that many, I'm a small business, you know, it's just me. I can recommend you some companies I know would do a great job."
But then, Eddie will never get to talk to beautiful man ever again, "what if you made like, three cakes?". He asks desperately.
There's a long beat of silence on the phone, "I mean, in theory, I mean, it might cost you more than-"
"I'll pay it. I'll pay double, for, inconvenience, or whatever-"
And oh no, beautiful man has the most beautiful laugh too. Eddie's fucked. He's so fucked.
"I'll raise you, two cakes and fifty muffins?" Steve laughs again, and Eddie laughs right along with him.
Steve grabs his phone when it pings, hoping for Eddie. It is Eddie. It's a selfie from the neck down, like always, Steve still doesn't know what the guy looks like, but Eddie's wearing a deep red shirt that he's clearly just dumped a whole cup of coffee down, "hope your days going better than mine, sweetheart,"
Steve sends back a selfie with a lump of uncooperative modelling fondant in the background, "that depends, can you tell what this is supposed to be?"
Steve's pretty sure it's wierd to talk to a customer every day, but he's started to find he's looking forward to Eddie's messages. Even when they turn flirty. Especially when they turn flirty, maybe.
And maybe it's not exactly professional that Steve's found a lot of reasons to call Eddie. He just, needs to get this right, and if Eddie wants chocolate covered cherries on the cupcakes, well, Steve needs to call him and check, right? Right.
Steve heads out into the lounge with flour on his nose and a mixing bowl under his arm, Dustin, Lucas and Max are sprawled on the couch, El lying on the floor. He can hear Mike and Will fucking around outside. He spoons up some cherry mixture, "hey will you try-"
"Shhhhhhhh!"
Well. Rude. Steve looks to the interview they're watching on the TV. It's some metal band Steve vaguely recognises, and when the lead guy speaks...Steve has to sit down. Because that sounds a lot like-
"So, Eddie," the show host guy starts, and Steve's knees would go weak of he wasn't already sitting down. He's certain his stomach has left the building. "Seeing anyone?"
Eddie laughs, says no, but the band mate next to him makes a show of nudging Eddie and sharing a look.
The host picks up on it immediately, "so there is someone," Eddie's still shaking his head, but he's got a shy smile on his face that makes Steve feel like he's melting. "Come on Eddie, give us something."
"It's not a thing," Eddie flaps his hands, "don't make it a thing."
"Oh it's a thing alright," the audience laugh, "come on, give us something!"
Eddie looks uncomfortable for a second before shrugging, "they, uhm, they make the most amazing cakes you've ever seen."
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smollenby · 6 months
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James: You think about shagging all the time time don't you?
Regulus: ugh shagging. Trust the British to come up with the least sexy word for it
James: What's wrong with shagging?
Regulus: sounds like something you do to a carpet
James: Yeah what do the French call it?
Regulus: *smirking* faire l'amour
James: *swoons*
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smollenby · 8 months
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rb to have a super gay 2023
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smollenby · 9 months
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There is no record of a Nurse Shark biting someone but once where the man tried for 1hour and 30mins to get it to bite him by doing all sought of tormenting stuff
reblog this with a random fun fact you know
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smollenby · 9 months
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happy fuck him on the floor friday
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damn, not one straight thing happening here
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smollenby · 9 months
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Have yall seen the new heartstopper updates on webtoon cause....
if you have seen it u know what I mean right???
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smollenby · 9 months
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hell hath no fury like a british summer
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smollenby · 9 months
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Wanted:
A CUTE PERSON WITH MESSY HAIR WHO IS TALL AND SMELLS NICE AND ENJOYS CUDDLES, WHO WILL TAKE ME TO AQUARIUMS AND POINT TO THE UGLIEST FISH THEY CAN SEE AND SAY "THAT ONE IS YOU" BUT WHO WILL ALSO TAKE ME TO PLANETARIUMS AND TELL ME THAT I AM PRETTIER THAN ALL OF THE STARS IN THE SKY.
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