The Line Between Curiosity and Caring

Often we are made to believe that we should go out into the world and get to know as many people’s stories as possible. “Be curious of the world!”, some would say. “Get to know people! You never know what inspiration you will find out there!”, some others would say. I can see why people would encourage curiosity, but at the same time I can’t help but to see it as a selfish endeavor to seek for inspiration. 

Now, I am not saying we shouldn’t take the initiative to get to know the world and the people within it, but it should be done with care. When people tell you their life stories and lay out their most vulnerable moments in front of you, they have given you more than a story. They have given you a part of themselves. If you simply take people’s stories out of curiosity or for self fulfilling inspiration, then that’s simply selfish. I firmly believe that when you take, you should give back. When you are given a story, follow up on that story and see it to the end. Don’t make someone relive the pain of their past because you were simply curious. 

When people tell you their story, they tell because they are hoping that you would care. They hope that you would care enough to not walk away and forget that they are still hurting from the scars that were left behind in their hearts. 

The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.

Anonymous

Stop the Chase

I have always stubbornly believed, that if I give my all to show that I want certain people in my life, they will appreciate the effort. But these days, I am not sure if I am surrounding myself with the wrong people, or I am giving too much all at once, it feels as if I am the only one holding on. 

I have been told over and over again, to not give so easily, to play hard to get, to not answer texts right away, but I have stubbornly refused. Is it so wrong for me to not pretend? Is it so wrong of me to let you know that I want your company? Is it so wrong for me to show you that you are a priority? Is it so wrong for me to let you know that I’ll always be here? Is it so wrong for me to forgive you over and over again? 

It shouldn’t feel so wrong, but you make it so, because you take it for granted. If you can only appreciate someone’s kindness and attention by losing it, then you still need a little more growing up to do, before you’re worth my time again. Don’t take my kindness and forgiveness for weakness, because you have no idea how hard it was to find the strength to forgive you over and over again. 

I have went out of my way to keep you in my life, and all I got was being put off. I have done my share, it’s time for you to do yours. 

Are You More Than the Sum of Your Parts?

Juli Baker: I guess it's something about his eyes or maybe his smile.

Richard Baker: And what about him?

Juli Baker: What?

Richard Baker: You have to look at the whole landscape.

Juli Baker: What does that mean?

Richard Baker: A painting is more than the sum of it's parts. A cow by itself is just A cow. A meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun picking through the trees, is just a beam of light. But you put them all together and it can be magic.

~Flipped 

A painting may be more than the sum of it parts, but can the same thing be said of people? 

We have all been told not to judge people so easily. We have all been told that people are more than what meets the eye. I agree, we shouldn’t judge someone so easily, but not because they may be more than what meets the eye, but because they might be less. 

There are times, when we miss the opportunity to get to know truly amazing and inspiring people, because we misjudged them at first. We let our prejudice stand in the way of truly seeing people for who they truly are. However, judging too quickly can also lead us to want to spend our time caring and impressing the kind of people, who are less than what they seem to be at first. You make the mistake of letting your prejudice fill in the blanks, making you believe that this person is iridescent, only to later realize that the diamond was simply glass. 

Actually, it is much easier to admit that you have misjudged a person who you first thought wasn’t all that worth your time than to admit that the person you fawned over all this time isn’t as great as you thought. Why? because for the latter you invested affection, care, and thought and that makes it hard to let go. We also develop hope, hope that those disappointing snippets you caught of them...was a temporary mishap. Thus, you’re willing to forgive over and over again, because it’s hard to admit that you were wrong. By forgiving them, you forgive yourself for misjudging. But there’s only so much you can take, before you break. 

Don’t let the wrong kind of people break you. It’s ok to be wrong, as long as you can admit it. 

The Little Prince, Quotes to Remember

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world....” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“People have forgotten this truth," the fox said. "But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

I believe that these quotes put a whole new meaning behind being special. Before reading the Little Prince, and watching the movie, I assumed that the phrase people throw around these days that “everyone is special”, is about being special on your own merit. Everyone is special in their own way, everyone has a talent that is only theirs, or they can do things others can’t. We grow up thinking we are special, but we struggle to find what is really special about us, because we’re looking within ourselves. 

I don’t think we are special due to the talents we are born with or the skills we have acquired. Many other people may have the same set of talents, and when we start comparing...we start becoming doubtful, hopeless, and lost. We do not question the way being special has been presented, but we start to question ourselves. Why am I so mediocre? Why can’t I do anything well? Why am I not the best at something? We become angry and disappointed at ourselves, because society has given us the wrong version of the story behind being special. 

Being special is not about what you can or cannot do, but instead, it’s the stories and memories you leave behind in other people’s lives. It is the sacrifices you have made to see someone happy. It is all that time you have spent with someone who needed a shoulder to cry on. It is the words you have said to someone when they have lost courage. We are all just ordinary human beings in the midst of millions of others who might be just like us. We are special to particular people because of the stories we have left behind, and isn’t life just that? At the end of the day, all we will leave behind are memories in the hearts of the people we have touched. These memories are special, because they will only belong to you. They cannot be recreated by anyone else, they belong to you and you only. 

The People Who Were Not Meant to Be

Sometimes you meet people with admirable qualities. You share your story and you listen to theirs. You get to know each other through the jokes, through the small talks, and through the deeper conversations. Over time, this person becomes a beacon of warmth and comfort. Each time you see their name pop up on your screen, you can’t help but smile. But the more you get close and the more you get attached to this person, the heavier your heart gets...because you know this was not meant to be. 

The circumstances just make it less than ideal and take away your courage to truly tell the person how you feel about them. It is not rejection that you fear, but success...the taste of bittersweet success. So what do you do when you have met a wonderful person, but that person is just not meant to be yours? You still want to see them happy, and you still want to do what you can to make sure that their days are a little bit brighter, their hearts are made warmer, and their smiles a little wider because of you. 

Yes...no matter what the outcome and no matter what was meant to be and what wasn’t, all I know is that I want you to be happy and while my story still crosses with yours I will do all that I can to make your days brighter. I may not be your main reason for happiness, but as long as I can...I am happy to be a part of the reason. 

Be Careful What You Promise

We often tend to make promises when we are happy to the person we love. When we love someone, we have the urge to do everything and say everything we can to make them smile. Very often, we make promises..beautiful promises. Sadly, beautiful promises are like roses. They are beautiful when you look at them, but they can sting you and hurt you once you actually have to hold them in your hands. 

That’s what beautiful promises do to people’s hearts as well. They seem beautiful at the time. As time passes, and you can no longer hold that promise...the beauty fades and all that is left are the thorns. The exact words that brought so much happiness...can cause just as much pain when they are not fulfilled. Roses might sting your hand, but unfulfilled promises can sting your heart and that wound...is a wound that may or may not heal in time. You will walk away feeling guilt and the person you used to love is left with disappointment and a hole where hope used to be. 

Don’t promise your future to someone so easily, because once you make that promise...those words become hope, and hope is a terrible thing to break. 

I Wish You Enough

I came across a story once of a mother and daughter saying goodbye. The mother was very old, and her daughter was going overseas. They said goodbye in a very peculiar way. Instead of saying I wish you all the best, they said to each other I wish you enough. The meaning behind this goodbye is something all of us should think about.

I wish you enough sunshine, so you see life in bright light. I also wish you enough rain, so you learn to cherish the sun. I wish you enough happiness, so your soul can rejoice. I wish you enough pain, so that you learn to cherish even the smallest moments of happiness. I wish you receive enough, so that your wants are satisfied. I also wish you lose enough, to cherish what you already have.

I think this is a much deeper and much more meaningful way of saying farewell for someone. Instead of wishing the best of luck and the best for someone, you are wishing them a fulfilling life. A life that is true and real in every scope.

I wish you enough.

Learn From Pain

I think many of us are afraid of getting hurt, so we avoid putting ourselves in situations where we become vulnerable. We try to avoid being the one who gives more, being the one that cares more, and being the one who loves more, all in the fear of not receiving back the same. So, we end up constrained and we end up numbing ourselves. Instead of being whole-hearted and genuine in what we give and say, we start playing games to test the water. We want to make sure that before we give our all, we won’t get hurt. But we forget one thing. All emotions are there for a reason, and none can be avoided. We can never guarantee ourselves immunity from broken hearts or disappointment. We can never know who we will lose next. All we can do is make sure that when time comes for the inevitable, we stay who we are, or even better, we learn.

So, why let the fear of something you cannot control be in the way of being who you truly are? The fear of being hurt, should not be stopping you from giving your heart to the people around you. Yes, some may disappoint and some may not. You will only find out once you try; and once you find out who trades their heart for yours, you will be surrounded by a cohort of people who will inspire you and lift you up for the rest of your life. But you will only be able to distinguish the whole-hearted, the genuine, the kind, and the loving, if you give the same first. Rather be hurt and in pain a few times, than be numbed for the rest of your life. You cannot selectively numb pain. Once you numb one, all else will be numbed too: happiness, excitement, and love. Feeling hurt is a sign that you have cared and that you have loved, both of these things are something that you can be thankful for. Pain will teach you how to love better, how to have more compassion and empathy for those around you. If you understand your own pain, you will understand the pain of others and understanding is the basis for love.