New idea: instead of writing the fic, you come over to my house and I tell you the entire plot while I pace my tiny kitchen. There’s a cup of tea, warm in your hands. The words don’t stop and the affection never leaves your expression.

Here’s a dramatic dancing cat to brighten up your day

detective work 🔍❓

Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

have i ever shown u people my hand sofa

Rage. In my heart. All-consuming. FUCK AI.

I love memetic communication when it gets to the point of being incomprehensible because can you imagine showing someone this picture

And asking them what Greek god it represents

please be patient with me im from the 1900s

im so so sorry to every artist who's art ive ever reblogged without gushing in the tags. you deserve it im just so tired. ill do better i promise

If you like the word “queer” reblog.

who wants to see the worst thing ive seen this week

Things that have happened to me in 24 hours in London:

Met a poodle named Erasmus

Got mistaken for a child by staff at the British Museum and was asked where my parents were, despite the fact that I turn 32 in a fortnight

Paid £5 for a single cup of watery tea, not even loose leaf

Had someone offer me a slice of pizza they'd taken directly out of the bin (I declined; sadly, I'd already eaten)

Stayed overnight with a 75 year old woman who told me a great story about how she had her wallet, airline tickets and passport stolen in India in the '70s, and when she went to the British Embassy to try and sort out her travel home, this guy there was super racist and told her that he'd 'eat coal for a year if the Indian police don't just keep your money for themselves', so when her wallet was indeed found and returned to her by the police, she went and bought 1kg of coal and left it on that guy's desk at the Embassy with a note that said 'as you expressed a wish to add this into your diet, I've taken the liberty of treating you to an entrée'. Her name is Tina. She's a legend

If you don't swear much I recommend making a habit of it here on Tumblr at least because it's like Shinigami Eyes for Moral Majority types. Whenever somebody tags my shit with some variation of "#sorry for all the swears" I go check out their blog and about 4 times out of 5 it's some suburbanite who thinks America has to do more wars in the Middle East so we can end the world and trick Jesus into coming back sooner

girlie that's not a random headache u are dehydrated malnourished over caffeinated over stressed and sleep deprived

This is what happened when a fanfic site is profit driven. Wattpad sucks 😞

The email from Wattpad is so condescending imagine pressuring writers to update and work while they are doing it for free and fun. Also the discovery? Algorithm? Of Wattpad looks like a stressful popularity contest 😑

Fuckin', hate filling in therapy worksheets.

It's like having homework for your mental illness.

Like great. I've escaped the phase of my life where algebra is mandatory, but now I'm trying to triangulate the source of The Horrors.

At least when you solved for X, there was one answer.