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seaglassforever · 11 days
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seaglassforever · 10 months
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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are you mentally stable or are you considering rereading the foxhole court for the 9th time
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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Andrew isn’t heartless, I think we all know it by now but I’m going to say it again.
Andrew isn’t heartless, Andrew is hurt. Andrew has been breaking apart since he was seven years old, and he’s been shown time and time again that feelings won’t change a thing. When he said ‘please’ and it did nothing. When he saw bruises and tears from Aaron but she’s my mother and she loves me and it’s okay Andrew, it’s okay it doesn’t even hurt. When those men found his cousin, his caring and soft cousin, and they hurt him. They hurt him and Aaron’s pleading did nothing but Andrew’s fists sure as hell did.
Andrew isn’t heartless, but he’s almost convinced himself that he is. Twelve years of hiding it all has dulled things, his meds blanketing them where his feigned indifference doesn’t.
And then.
And then he sees a boy with dark hair and a darker past. And there’s a flicker, a little push under the apathy that swaddles his mind.
And another push when he meets eyes the blue of a glacier.
Another when the rabbit becomes the wolf for the world to see.
Another. Another. Another.
And he feels the slab of concrete he’s laid over his emotions start to crack, feels the little fissures as they spread with every new secret he learns about this boy who is so much more than he thought.
And he chalks it up to the medicine, the little pills that change his world so drastically.
But the meds are long gone and there’s still a boy, now with hair like a flame, and he still feels the pushing and cracking and crumbling.
Only it goes so much faster with the medicine gone.
A shove when the boy threw himself in the line of fire for Andrew’s sake.
A deep fissure when his phone rings because the boy chose not to run.
A million bits of debris falling with every kiss, but no he doesn’t want this, he can’t feel this because that means he has to feel everything else but he can’t bring himself to stop, he thinks maybe making himself stop when they both want it might actually kill him.
Cracks and pushes and blue blue blue eyes and letting go of a promise and then-
And then a dirty duffle bag full of equipment, an abandoned phone with a message saying 0, and the slab of concrete crumbles all at once like was never even there.
And Andrew feels it all, feels his heart shatter which should be impossible because he thought it was in enough tiny shards already but there it is and he might not be able to survive it and Neil is gone Neil is gone Neil is gonegonegonegone
And maybe this is what grief feels like, because Andrew didn’t know this boy a year ago but now the thought of being without him is more than he can possibly bear and-
A phone call, and suddenly Neil’s three hours away.
Two hours.
One.
And they’re in the same city but the distance is still too far.
Fifty feet.
Ten.
Five.
One.
And- there.
Andrew isn’t heartless. Andrew isn’t heartless, because his heart is a boy with fiery hair and a personality to match. His heart is a pair of eyes like ice chips that saw through it all, saw down to the very core of Andrew and didn’t flinch. His heart is Neil Abram Josten, and maybe that’s not entirely true but Neil helped him find it again.
Andrew isn’t heartless. He’s not even close.
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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the mood swings have been insane lately. one okay productive day costs me two weeks of grief and apathy and anger. hot girls get it 
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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The scene where Nick notices Charlie’s haircut is 100x gayer in the show compared to the novels, because in the comic Charlie gets a drastic haircut anyone would notice, and so Nick noticing is still very hashtag bisexual energy, but probably not even in his top 10 ‘he’s totally straight’ moments.
But in the show? They honest to god didn’t do shit to Joe Locke’s hair, which makes sense due to filming scenes out of order and such, but it means that when Nick notices it’s like... Bro. You are down BAD. You are WHIPPED. Not even his sister noticed he got a trim and she lives with him 24/7. But you noticed after 2 seconds of looking at him with your bisexual goggles.
And yet every character on the show is still somehow convinced he’s straight
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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This gives me Kaz vibes. Kaz would have, 100% done this because he is a sassy dramatic king.
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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Kits being/playing bisexual disasters:
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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wlw weapon loving women
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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“Why do people like a character who’s committed war crimes but hate this other character just because they’re annoying” because it’s fiction Susan, and being annoying in fiction is a greater sin than being a supervillain, because it won’t make me want to read about them. It isn’t difficult to understand
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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okay but did we ever find out what andrew minyard actually planned on doing to save his idiots from the japanese mafia?
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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reading aftg fics is my comfort zone and i think that says a lot about my mental health
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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Me, not talking: Ah fuck, I am being weird
Me, talking: Ah fuck, I am being weird
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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hc that kevin has a really hard time remembering to knock instead of just walking into a room because there was no privacy in the Nest and he has no concept of boundaries due to the way he was raised there.
do with that what you will.
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seaglassforever · 2 years
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do you ever wonder if people outside the fandom think we’re obsessing over literal crows
because i do
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