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scar8o · 4 months
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Progression of Near's Character Design
a timeline of all the various changes over the course of manga, plus the C-Kira and A-Kira one-shots :)
#1 - Wammy's House (age 13)
there is only one scene that takes place at Wammy's House, and it’s split across chapters 59 and 61.
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the first time we see Near, we only get these side views of him, so it's difficult to comment much on the details of his shirt. however, he looks to be wearing oversized pyjamas. his pants don't seem to be cuffed at the bottom, and there is obvious stitching on the side. his hair is quite short and slightly wavy. this is the only scene in the manga in which he isn't wearing socks.
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in chapter 61, his pants are now cuffed at the bottom, in contrast to chapter 59. in this panel, we also get to see his shirt, which is a white button-down with the top button left open. his sleeves are also cuffed and the buttons are undone.
#2 - Meeting the President (age 17)
from chapter 60, the only time in which Near is 17.
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in this scene, his outfit looks similar to the one we see him in at Wammy's House, but his button-down shirt is open, revealing an undershirt which did not seem to be present in his previous outfit. his hair appears to be longer.
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from this panel, we can also see that his pants are cuffed again, and he is now wearing white socks.
#3 - Mafia Arc (age 18)
this era covers chapters 60-71. after that, he is absent from the story until chapter 75.
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the buttons of his shirt are now done up, and in chapter 64, he still appears to be wearing his undershirt beneath it. his hair loses its texture during this period. the design of his pants is fairly inconsistent throughout this arc, regularly alternating between cuffed and uncuffed. he loses the undershirt in chapter 67.
#4 - Near vs Light Arc Part 1 (age 18)
this covers chapter 75 - 79.
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in chapter 75, his shirt has a notched collar, a change only seen in this chapter and the warehouse scene. i’ve included a panel from chapter 64 (left) for comparison.
once again, his undershirt is missing, and the texture has returned to his hair. there is also a very subtle change in the design of his nose - it’s rounded and upturned here, whereas earlier in the manga, it has more of a sharp point. it stays rounded from this point onwards.
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his shirt changes yet again in chapter 75 here, where a random pocket appears - something that is only present in this panel and another one before it, and never pops up again.
chapters 76-79 show him with his previous collar style and uncuffed pants. the undershirt does not make an appearance in these chapters.
#5 - SPK Raid (age 18)
this part takes place in chapter 80.
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this isn't a design choice so much as a plot-necessitated outfit change, but i have to mention his riot squad uniform here as it's the only outfit he wears in the manga that is distinctly different from his usual white pyjamas. i also find it absolutely hilarious how he is a) a foot or so shorter than everyone else on his team, and b) carrying six toys in his arms, and supposedly manages to blend in just fine. (he can’t have been TOO efficient though, because he only has five toys when they get to their new base 😔)
#5 - Near vs Light Arc Part 2 (age 18)
this covers chapters 81-100.
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the undershirt has returned! this is present in all chapters during this period except 91.
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it looks to me like his hair gets progressively straighter. the panel above (from chapter 93) is one of the clearest examples - comparing this to the picture of him in the president's office from chapter 60, there's definitely less of a distinct wave. his hair just follows the curve of his head.
his pants are uncuffed in every chapter during this arc except 97. the rest of his design features remain quite consistent.
#6 - Ending Scenes (ages 18-19)
this covers chapters 101-108.
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the only major change here is that he wears the L mask in chapters 101 and 102 - which, much like his outfit during the raid, is a deliberate choice rather than a minor and potentially random variation in his design. his shirt has a notched collar again and his pants are uncuffed, both of which remain consistent throughout the entire warehouse scene.
despite chapter 108 taking place a year after the main timeline, there are no notable changes in his design.
#7 - C-Kira One-Shot (age 21)
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the most notable change here is his hair. it's longer, and in this panel in particular, appears to curl at the ends.
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interestingly, in the flashback to Wammy's House, his design also carries this change - the longer hair and slightly curled ends. it’s extremely difficult to tell, but it looks like he may be wearing socks here, which he wasn't when we originally saw him at Wammy's House.
#8 - A-Kira One-Shot (age 27)
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once again, his design here has some very notable changes. his hair is much longer, reaching his waist, and has a very obvious wave, with the shorter pieces at the top curling outwards. he appears to be wearing a dark vest over the top of his button-down shirt. the A-Kira one-shot is the only canon text in which he is never shown smiling.
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his outfit changes once again here, reverting back to his button-down from canon. it appears that he has grown taller, as his pants no longer reach his ankles. the wave in his hair is even more apparent in this panel. this is also the first time since chapter 61 of the manga where he is not wearing socks.
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scar8o · 4 months
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Does this mean Everytime you get writers block it’s postpartum depression?
i love sleep awake i literally feel like i grew it from my womb and gave birth to it
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scar8o · 7 months
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I long and seek after
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scar8o · 7 months
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do you ever wish your boyfriend was a girl?
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comic with my OCs AJ and Jackie again, back in their younger years
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scar8o · 9 months
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Sweet S/O gets a cruel punishment
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[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Kokichi Ouma ] [ Danganronpa V3 Killing Harmony ]
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This was requested by @sleepyone2three, thank you for requesting it!! The version of the other characters requested you can find it in the masterlist
I have a love-hate for Kokichi, I don't justify Kokichi's actions but I kinda understand him, and from my point of view at the end he was brave and super smart the little bastard. Also, this is my first time writing for him I hope you like it!! 💜
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It could be pretty surprising to see someone like Kokichi, who likes to mess with everyone and always put jokes on others, with someone so sweet and patient, people may don't completely understand why you two are together but that doesn't matter, Kokichi loves you and you love him, that is the only thing that matters
Once you two get into the Saishu Academy and the killing game his attitude doesn't change much, however at the start he was a little more calm, still he finds this whole situation pretty interesting and exciting, or at least that was what he tell everyone, he find it interesting in a bad way, he doesn't trust the academy nor Monokuma at all and the posibility of you getting killed terrify him (but he doesn't tell you this)
Kokichi doesn't really trust in people and whenever he is atracted to someone normally is just because that person could be of use or bring him some fun, so for you two being a couple means that Kokichi deeply loves and trust you (not blindly but he does trust you), that is why he wants to win this killing game with you, you may don't like his idea but he doesn't like the idea of losing you, the only person he actually trust
Kokichi really appreciate and loves your patience, he can say a lot of little lies or put on you a lot of jokes and tricks and still you never get truly mad at him, he may annoy you sometimes but you still love him and you still are sweet to him. Under other conditions he will like to test your limits but inside of this killing game it wouldn't be a good idea if he wants to keep you by his side, in addition Kokichi grows more clingy and a little more serious and strict with you (it could seem like he is just joking or may he himself says that he isn't saying it seriously, but with you and only you he gets sincere and you can tell that his worries are true), he loves your sweet and calm personality but in a killing game that is just a disadvantage, you could be easily tricked by someone and end up killed, or worst, use you to kill someone else
Kokichi tried to warn you more than once to don't trust in anyone inside of the academy, anyone could be planning something against you or even use you, Kokichi doesn't trust in anyone there aside from you and he is trying to make you see that too, is his weird way of trying to protect you
However, no matter what Kokichi says or do that doesn't stop you from still trying to help the others, with your sweetness and patience you easily inspire the others and motivate them to work together, specially after what happened to Kaede
Kokichi has his own idea of how to end the game and he doesn't care what he has to do to fullfil his goal he is planning to do everything in his power to make the two of you survived and win this whole game
The killing game was stressful enough, the only situation made everyone nervous and somehow a little paranoid from time to time, adding Monokuma, the Monokubs and the incentives that they bring after every trial it makes things more difficult to endure, even when everyone wanted to end with the game the attitude of some of them doesn't help at all (Kokichi being one of them)
As patient as you can be everyone has a limit, between Monokuma and the Monokubs, Kokichi messing with everyone and you trying really hard for them to not attacking him was driving you crazy, and the situation just get worst when you add the investigations, the trials and losing more and more friends. Kokichi tries to remind you that you can't trust anyone, specially after the trials, and he isn't really good to bring you comfort and support in those moments, in other situation he would have less troubles with trying and show some vulnerability with you, giving you and craving for some comfort, but he can't just let himself do it right now, he has to be strong and keep his facade, Kokichi feels like that is the better way to survive but in his need of survive he forget about you in a more personal way
Everything started with an argument between you two, you wanted to make Kokichi see the things from your perspective, you wanted for him to stop messing with everyone and just try to find a way out of there, a way to end with the killing game with everyone else, into the other hand Kokichi just insisted on his own plan, he insisted that you shouldn't trust anyone in there and that he himself will end with the killing, even if he has to do it alone. The stress were making both stubborn, even it were making you lose your patient, however the problem comes with Kokichi, he was starting to feel desperate and stop thinking on what he was saying and just start to compare you to Kaede, remember what happen to her! she tried to help everyone and now she is gone! Do you really want to end up like her? You can't trust in anyone in here! Heck, you shouldn't even trust in him! He can easily being planning something against you too!
What Kokichi told you hurt, it hurt a lot, the discussion was escalating rapidly, it was just rising and rising in tone, even if you tried to cut him and go away it was too late because your argument bring the attention of the Monokubs, now under the lead of Monodam and he can't just let this happen, everyone is supposed to be friends and don't argument like this
It was just like an instinct for you to shield Kokichi, you were always like this, standing up for him when he gets into problems for messing with someone and trying to calm the other person, so this time you, once again, stand in front of Kokichi like hidding him and tried to reason with Monodam, you tried to tell him that everything was alright, you two are friends and get along really well he doesn't have anything to worry about, but Monodam heard your angry voice, and the hurtful words Kokichi had told you a moment ago it still hurts, as much as you tried to put an smile and look calm the sadness was all over your face and tears were close to fall from your eyes
Monodam obsesion for everyone being friends blind him from understanding that the situation was stressful, that in this kind of situation will be normal to break out just like how you two were just doing, he just take your obvious signs of sadness to say that you two weren't friends and he can't alow that, since now he took the control from Monokuma he has the power to punish the students, his plan was to just give the two of you a lesson, hopefuly after this you two will be friends, but human bodies are diferent from the bodies of his robots siblings and the hit were too hard for you to handle, and since you were shielding Kokichi you were the only one who recived the attack
To Kokichi was like it happened is slow motion, he isn't able to react until your body hit the floor, screaming in desesperation your name he runs to your side, with tears in his eyes he kneel by your side and check all over you, the hit was really hard, the exterior of your body maybe doesn't look too bad but the internal damage was the problem, there is no way to help you now (specially since no one in the academy has the profesional knowledge to do so), from this point there is nothing else to do than wait for your death
Even if Monodam understand what he have done Kokichi won't let him get near you again, not him, not the other Monokubs, not even the other students, he isn't going to let anyone get near you for a long time. On your last moments Kokichi can't do anything else than cry and beg you to please don't leave him, this whole time he just wanted to make sure that you two could get away from that stupid killing game and now, for his stupidity, he is going to lose you
When Kokichi finally start to calm down he quietly apologize to you and promise to end with the killing game for you, even if you weren't hearing him anymore
After Kokichi calms down he returns to his normal self, he isn't going to let anyone see how sad he is, how hurt he is nor how much he miss you or how much he blame himself for your death. However the others can intuit it since he doesn't let anyone talk about you, not even if is something good he imediatly gets irritated and scream at them, also he never tell anyone what happened, if they want to know how you died they will have to find out themself because he isn't going to tell them (nor Monodam, he is too ashame for what he had done)
After this Kokichi is more motivated and eager to end with this stupid killing game, he doesn't care what he has to do nor even if he has to put himself at risk, he is going to to finish this hell for you
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scar8o · 9 months
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i be like *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks about L’s childhood* *thinks abo—
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scar8o · 10 months
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No I’m not exaggerating this time my eyes started to water up and I started crying /srs
When you get cornered by Kira so you send one last text to your minecraft girlfriend but his phone vibrates
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scar8o · 10 months
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What’s getting me so good is that L fits the daffy duck look a little TOO good like...
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democrat art
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scar8o · 10 months
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democrat art
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scar8o · 1 year
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[ Oumatsu Week Day 3: Free Time Event ]
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scar8o · 1 year
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[ Oumatsu Week Day 5: Wedding ]
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scar8o · 1 year
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kokoei
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scar8o · 1 year
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is this the dynamic now
[ID: Chainsaw Man manga panels. Denji is speaking, his speech bubbles edited to say, "If I had a lame ass girlfriend I would hype her so much. I would make her wait outside so I could go in first and be like get ready here comes the most specialest girl ever if you don't cheer and clap for her I'll fucking blow this whole building up". Asa is shown with a shocked, mouth open expression. /end ID]
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scar8o · 1 year
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sometimes ur step brother just needs to have an emotional breakdown on the floor 🤠 
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scar8o · 1 year
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Hello! I remember you said you could write for Sally Face even though it's not on your list (if I dreamed of it, excuse me 🙏), since you still look like you're in the fandom... How about the #4 of the prompt list with Sally Face? If you do not write for him I apologize 😭
Hello dear Anon! Yes, Sally Face maybe is the video game I'm most fond of, I can write for him, I just don't always feel like making the requests that come to me about this game. But don't worry! Asking is always fine! Thanks for the request!
P.s. This is more fluff than angst I think, I apologize, is that there is already a lot of angst for him
73- Sally Face, Sal Fisher x Reader
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From the prompt list
4- “Do you know what it’s like?”
Gizmo's purr lazily fills the silence in the room, the big cat is taking his ration of free pampering perched in your boyfriend's lap.
His fingers glide absently on the white and tawny fur of the half-asleep feline, while behind his mask you catch nothing but an absent gaze directed at the void between his knees.
By now that beautiful sky-colored eye of his communicates with you without the need for words, and you see how much it seems dull and lost, so much so that it appears almost glass like the one on the right.
Sal is always so sweet and so strong. He has so much weight on his shoulders, yet you always see him accepting everyone else's too. He never complains, he doesn't fidget, and he doesn't scream, not even when he gets angry, and if he does he apologizes as if he's at fault.
You love him, you really love him. You feel it in your guts, especially now, that he is like this.
You don't really know what's troubling him, yet you see how sad he is. His shoulders are bent slightly forward, and his blue hair slips free, covering even more of his usual mask.
Even though you know you are free with him, you are terribly afraid of hurting him. You're afraid of saying something too much, something he doesn't deserve.
As you leave the book you were reading by your side, you try to remember when Sal began to wither.
You noticed it after the last outing you did with the others, but you have no idea if those thoughts that seem to be spinning in his head were already floating around before, and you curse yourself for being so inattentive towards him.
"Give me space Gizmo" you mutter with a playful pout, picking up the lazy cat to move it a little further "I want the cuddles too."
Sal just cooes as his hands remain motionless, letting you nestle your head in his lap.
Once you are comfortable in your new nest, his fingers gently touch your forehead, while you are busy trying to come to terms with the big cat who insists on trying to stay on his master's lap too, at the cost to sit on your face.
“Come on Gizmo. Let me be a little jealous every now and then. " You snort, pushing the royal furry butt away from your nose.
"Are you jealous?" Sal's question is surmounted by the meow of the fake tiger who decides to snuggle in the hollow between your shoulder and your neck.
Your eyes roll up into his gaze and for a moment you don't know how to read that question. You feel him terribly serious, and in a way, you don't know where he is going.
"Yes ... I'm jealous of you ... that is ... is it normal I think?" You know that sincerity is always the best choice with him, but you still bite your tongue, wondering if you are giving the wrong idea.
His caresses have stopped while he silently looks at you, and you don't know what he's thinking, you don't know if you've unknowingly touched a nerve or if you just added a new thought to him.
"Why?" His question comes out as a surrendered sigh "You have no reason ... I say ... it is you who can make others love you, not me."
His words take your breath away for a moment.
"What are you saying…?" You murmur, as you raise a hand to touch his turquoise locks "you know how to make yourself loved even by those who don't even know how to love ..." you whisper softly, yet you don't seem to convince him.
His sigh becomes more impressive in the rumble of his mask, and you look at him patiently, while his hands undo the hooks that block it to his face.
Few people know what lies behind that prosthesis, and it hardly ever happens that he leaves himself so spontaneously in the sight of others. It's because it's you, you know, and it flatters you, yet something so immediate still surprises you.
You believe that his face is something magical, because no matter how grotesque it is, how almost you could say that there is no face, but you love it, you loved it from the first moment you saw it. Maybe because you were already in love with him.
"You were beautiful that night." His words still confuse you, and you force yourself to accept the idea of having entered a minefield. So you were right, was it your last outing that upset him?
"Sal ..." you get up, and now even Gizmo has realized he has to leave space for you, moving to the next pillow.
He doesn't look at you, his eyes are closed, but he continues to keep himself completely exposed to you.
"I really mean it. You are always beautiful to me, but that night ... that night you felt beautiful too, didn't you? You were, you really were, and ... "his shoulders give way a little further forward, as if he were about to collapse under an invisible weight. "And if you hadn't been with me, someone would have come to you. Maybe he would have offered you a drink and then ... "
Your lips part for a few seconds, looking for something to say, but you really don't know what ground you're walking on.
"I'm not really beautiful Sal, I'm just-"
"A normal person. What else do you want?" His abrupt interruption silences you.
In a moment his eye is on you again, alarmed: “Sorry. I'm so sorry. Forgive me, I didn't mean to be bad. "He whispers softly.
Sal Fisher, always so attentive to others even in his moments of despair.
"Only that ... you ... do you know what it’s like? To be like that…"
His voice just trembles, and you forget to breathe. You would like to remove all doubts and insecurities from him, but you cannot do it.
"No ... no Sal, I don't know ..."
"That's okay ..." he murmurs, trying to console the guilt of your tone "I don't know what it is like to be you either, but ... it can't be so pleasant to kiss bare teeth ... right? It must not be pleasant to feel this dead flesh against your skin, and it must not be pleasant to wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and find this monster a few inches from your face ... I just think ... I just think you should know that you can certainly find someone else ... someone else other than me. "
You have always admired him, also for all the strength he has to live with that weight - one of many - that he carries with him. Perhaps subconsciously he has always found a way to make his flaws simply characteristics, his style. With or without his ponytails, Sal was always recognizable and, in a sense, charismatic.
But you know that even if he is so strong, so resilient, the weight does not disappear.
"Sally Face ..." you murmur softly, as you move your legs to be able to sit astride his lap.
"You know ... I've always looked for many things from life." Your fingers casually play with his tufts of hair "And I swear to you I never thought I'd find what's really essential to me right here."
Your palms rest gently on his rib cage as his slowly brush your hips.
"You might find someone different from me too, Sally Face, but I don't want you to, please." You just smile "Also because ... after a nightmare you are the first thing I look for, and when I find you ..." leaning forward you are greeted by the loving arms of your boyfriend, while you take refuge in his chest, snuggling up to his heart "I do this, and I stay listening to you until I fall asleep again. When you sleep peacefully you never notice, but you always welcome me. "
Curled up there on his chest like now, you have no idea what's in Sal's eyes. All you see are a few blue locks of him falling over your cheeks, while he lets you relax under his chin.
His silence leaves you on alert, and even if you don't move, you look for any clues that might tell you something about his emotions.
A slight tremor in his chest and a restrained sob from him make your heart tremble, but his slowly calming beat just makes you snuggle closer to his body.
"I-" he starts off lightly, but then stops immediately, and when he resumes, you're sure he's changed the subject, but it doesn't matter anymore. "Am I such a heavy sleeper?" He asks, with a shivering chuckle amid the slight gasps of silent tears.
You laugh lightly as you lift yourself up to look at him. In your hands, his cheeks are rough and wet, but even as tears flow from his eyes, he doesn't look agitated or hurt.
"Well, you recover the sleep that all your nightmares take away from you."
Your fingers slide gently under his eyelids to collect his tears. You don't ask him why he cries; you know that in his chest he has a reservoir where he keeps all his emotions and, every now and then, they pretend to come out.
"Wake me up next time you have a nightmare, you're always there when I have mine."
You smile softly as you rest your forehead against him. You wouldn't change him for the world.
"For once, let me take care of you Sal."
His sigh hits your nose as he snuggles a little more against you. Calmly it seems that he can channel his emotions into a single torrent.
"Take care of me?" He murmurs against your lips “How about picking up the phone and ordering a pizza for the two of us? It would make me very, very happy. "
Your cheerful laugh fills the room, while your lips touch what remains of his: "And the ice cream?"
"And the ice cream." He confirms as he accepts your sweet kiss.
There seems to be a long night of pampering with Sal and Gizmo ahead of you, what more could you ask for?
You gently kiss his cheek one last time, before getting up in search of the device to order your dinner.
"Hey ..." before you're too far away, your hand is lovingly held by Sal's "I don't want anyone else next to me."
Your eyes dive into him for a moment, and what you find is nothing but a clear and sincere sky that takes your breath away every time it lands on you.
"Me neither. I wouldn't want anyone else even for a single day of my existence. "
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scar8o · 1 year
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Hey! I really like how you write about Sally Face, I love how you highlight his kindness but also his strength. It struck me a lot how he wonders if anyone will ever love him, I guess it's hard for him to believe in someone's love for him, from a romantic point of view. I thought ... could you write something about a reader in love with him, who gets rejected for that reason but still loves him until Sal dies? You don't have to do it (also because you prefer angst / comfort right?), But I try to ask you ... I'd like to see it written by you. It will hurt but it will be worth it.
Dear Anon,
I hope you like this because I suffered the pain of hell writing this :3
But jokes aside, I hope it does justice to your expectations, I hope I have treated everything with the right delicacy.
Warning: ANGST and SPOILER (I say this for safety)
The story is set in the canonical plot, even if there may be slight differences (after all there is always one more character, you). But for those who haven't played Sally Face this could be revealing.
77- Sally Face, Sal Fisher x reader (Angst)
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“The sunflower that cannot bloom “
"I love you."
Those words had slipped off your lips with one of the most beautiful smiles Sal had ever seen.
You weren't perfect, but you were tailor-made for him. Somehow, he had thought that from the first day he met you, by mistake, on a black day. You had offered him a sunflower, a huge yellow flower that shone like the sun in the midst of his misfortunes, and his black day had grown better.
This was you, what he needed when the weight was too much to carry, when he found himself snorting one too many times, when he felt like crying.
Still, even though you were tailor-made for him, he wasn't tailor-made for you.
He would have liked to believe you, with all his heart, he would have asked for nothing more than to be loved by you.
But he couldn't believe it.
"No, you don't ..." His voice was gentle, as if he were explaining something important to a little child.
Your brows had furrowed as you pointed your gaze into the depths of his soul.
"You do not believe me?" Your tone wandered between uncertainty and offense "Do you think I'm lying to you?"
A sigh rang through the empty hollows of his mask: “No, you're not lying to me. I just think you… don't really know what you're saying. "
Your expression deepened as you prepared to argue back. He had seen the wound open inside you and he had looked away; he couldn't watch you while he hurt you.
Oh, he was so good at making himself loved. The river of emotions that had overwhelmed you had died out as soon as his one living eye was separated from you.
Disappointment, anger, sadness had disappeared in favor of affection for him.
His mask was flat, helpless, cold towards his heart, yet he communicated more than anyone else with that immense little soul of him.
"Sal ..." finally you called him gently, reassuring, while your fingers lovingly brushed the cheek of the cold prosthesis.
"I love you." You repeated it, and he turned to tell you to stop. He couldn't be loved, he didn't feel capable of being loved.
He would never have a love like that of movies, or even like that of normal people, like Maple and Chug. He, as he was, could never have been loved, not even by you.
He was going to tell you, to tell you everything, but you stopped him softly: "but it's okay if you don't want to."
You barely laughed, as if everything was really okay with you, and you leaned on his shoulder, cuddling against his neck.
"I have my whole life to make you understand." You said cheerfully, and he just looked at you, accepting that little stubbornness of yours.
Even though he was aware that one day he would see you happy in the arms of someone you really would love, for the time being it was okay for him to bask in that little illusion you were giving him.
---
Life had been cruel.
"I had no choice."
Those words had pierced your brain.
The first time he had told you with a force that you almost confused with anger. His body had never been so rigid in front of you, motionless, sitting on the other side of the table in the visiting room of the prison, surrounded by other inmates like him.
You wondered if you were sane, because you looked into the eyes of a murderer, a killer who had exterminated families, who had even killed a little girl, yet your tears were for them, but also for him.
Whatever it was, Sal hadn't changed, and behind his mask he was more broken into pieces than you were. He hadn't had a choice, for some reason he hadn't had a choice.
It was weird and unreal, but you had no doubts about him, even though your mind still couldn't believe what happened, and Sal probably didn't really realize it either.
However, the second time he told you "I had no choice" his voice was different. He was different, and so were you. You had grown up, but both of you had stood still in what had happened. At that moment he was telling you so that you believed him, so that you knew it was not what he wanted, because if he could have chosen at that moment you would have been together in front of a pizza, telling you how boring the day had been.
"I beg you ..." You whispered so as not to let him hear how broken your voice was "... tell me what I have to do to save you."
It was the first time you used that word, out of pure desperation.
For a moment he hesitated and hoped you wouldn't see his uncertainty behind the mask. Finally, Sal shook his head in silence; he didn't know if it would do any good, but at least he would try to protect you.
Your hand was holding his for the first time in years, and you both knew it would be the last time you would hold it. You had done everything to be able to have that last contact, to still be able to hold him before they took him away from you forever.
You didn't want to cry, you wouldn't have done it on your last time together, but your heart was so heavy that you thought you would die as soon as you separated.
While you massaged the back of his hand with your thumb, you tried to record every detail in your mind that belonged to him, to burn the heat of his palm against yours, to remember the exact weight of his touch.
I love you, you wanted to tell him, you never stopped doing it, not a second you stopped giving him your best side, and you would have given it only to him also in the future.
"You are so important to me, Sal ..." your blue sky under which sunflowers bloom.
"Thank you ... for always being with me."
Part of you died when you let go of his hand that day.
---
Until the last you hoped that something would happen. A ghost that suddenly appears, an angel, a new discovery ... anything, as long as he was kept away from that electric chair.
When your phone rang, you were deluded for a moment.
"Hey…"
"Sal?"
"They ... allowed me to call whoever I wanted ..."
Your heart fell on hearing his voice. It was his last day, his last day in your own world, that was his farewell to you.
"Sal, I-" Your words broke into a sob you couldn't hold back "I'm with you, I'll always be with you."
Silence invaded the line between the two of you as you tried not to give him your tears as your last caress.
"I know it." He was holding back the crying, you could hear it "And I'll always be with you too, know that."
You were tailor-made for him, and his heart would remain for you, even if you moved on, you would love someone worthy sooner or later, or at least he hoped you would, that the demon would not devour your future. .
"Bring me some sunflowers if you can ... ok?" That request trembled "They always make me think of you."
You forced yourself to cover your mouth with your palm to stifle your agony: "I'll fill you with sunflowers."
Something told you that even if you couldn't see him, he was trying to smile: "It's a bit a cliché but ... be happy."
You would have preferred to have died in that very moment.
"Sal, wait!" You begged for him now, holding on to the phone like it was him, like you could hold him there.
He hesitated at the desperation of your voice.
"I can't ..." his voice was soft, light, like when he consoled you years ago, when all this seemed simply impossible.
“I beg you…” You didn't know who you were really praying for, but you weren't ready to hear his voice go out.
One more minute, one more touch, a hug.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you had to put up with this." A sob from him too. “Please… fight for your happiness, okay? You deserve all the happiness in the world. "
"Sal ..."
The answer that followed was the only intermittent sound of the blank phone line.
It's over, you'll never be able to hear Sal's voice again. You won't be able to talk to him anymore.
And he never believed you loved him.
---
How could you ever be happy?
His mask still looks at you as it always did, but behind the empty gaze there are nothing but blades of grass growing above his burial.
How could they bury him without his mask? He will feel uncomfortable.
Now you don't have to be strong for him anymore, you can collapse, break, destroy yourself, scream like you've never screamed, ask him to come back, because you need him.
Your fingers caress the cold, hard cheeks of his prosthesis as they always did, as if he were still behind it. Next to it, the sunflower he asked you for, like the one you gave him the first time you saw him.
"I love you Sally face ..." your words now go to the wind, they cannot be refused.
"I really love you."
---
Where you don't know, where you are not, a guy who has the weight of the world on his shoulders thinks about how much he could never be loved as people love each other in movies, or how people love each other in the world. But suddenly, like a ray of light, in the darkness he is facing, the yellow of a sunflower blooms. It's just a thought, but for a moment it's warm, and sweet, and it carries your voice with it.
You exist only within him, but you give him the love he needs, the one he didn't believe in, but which instead exists.
It is a tormented love, which suffers, but still welcomes him and wraps him as your arms did.
You are not there, you are far away, unreachable.
But he feels it, you're still there with him
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scar8o · 1 year
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