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satorisa · 9 months

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To Infinity, Forever

Rating: T Summary: Detailed herein is the story of Dark Mousy’s one and only posthumous heist in which he, equipped only with a love that refuses to die, tries to steal a love that will continue to grow today, tomorrow, and in the future beyond. Ad infinitum. Alternate Reading: AO3

Inspired by a tumblr post (that I can no longer find but do have a screenshot of) created by @riewritten that is transcribed as follows:

"why am I thinking of a potential hurt/comfort and tooth-rotting fluff fanfic where grown up satoshi and risa is in an established relationship

but since satoshi can still remember dark, as well as risa's unwavering love for him way back, he still couldn't come to terms with the fact that the risa right now actually loves him to the core

then there comes subtle gestures from risa implying that 'the me right now will be choosing you under any circumstances, no matter what. that'd shake satoshi to the core bc 'does she have any idea of my current concerns or is she just doing this subconsciously'

then later on, satoshi realizes that the 14 y/o risa already hidden in her deepest depths of consciousness - the one who had this love for dark but wasnt allowed to remember it - was also trying to assure him somehow that she also chooses him this time around, and that he has nothing to worry about but stay with her."

Hope you enjoy, dear~

Their reunion at that group date in New York City could only be described as serendipity.

After Dark’s disappearance, Risa and Satoshi’s relationship never developed beyond being friends of friends; they naturally went their separate ways after graduating from high school. And yet they applied for grad school in the same city: a decision that landed them both mere kilometers from each other where, on top of their professional obligations, Risa dated a slew of terrible guys while Satoshi continued to turn down anyone interested in him.

Risa’s friends urged her to go on a group date to potentially break her streak of awful dates and ex-boyfriends, and Satoshi’s friends urged him to go just to humor them this once. The two of them gave in, eventually, and were surprised to see each other on what they thought would be yet another forgettable evening.

They exchanged their new contact information after the mixer, finding comfort in knowing someone from home, someone from before their life in New York City, amongst the sea of people. At their first meeting, fueled by a yearning for familiarity in a foreign land, they learned that they enjoyed each other’s company. And, as they spent more time together, Risa began to fall for Satoshi’s kindness after the parade of garbage men in her life (and the fact that he had become more toned since their high school graduation—oh mama), and Satoshi began to fall for Risa’s thoughtfulness regarding his feelings and boundaries that those who previously tried to pursue him lacked (and the fact that she had, somehow, only gotten prettier since their high school graduation—my word).

It took a visit to the MET, and unconsciously holding each other’s hand while admiring Claude Monet’s Bridge over a Pond of Water Lilies, for them to begin dating.

And, surprisingly, their relationship flourished. They squabbled every once in a while, as usual in a relationship, but they always made up before retiring for the day. Despite their busy schedules, with her pursuing a PhD in East Asian Studies and him pursuing a PhD in History of Art and Archaeology, they carved time for each other, whether it was working on their own thing at a coffee shop or crying in the bathroom at four in the morning because grad school can go suck its own dick.

But there was one thing that Risa, unconsciously, would always remind Satoshi of:

The lingering remnants of Dark Mousy.

…

He didn’t think much about Risa’s obsession with all things Korean; after the Hallyu boom, such fascination became the norm. She never forced him to engage with it, but he knew that she loved indulging in the overly-produced music scene or modern rom-coms with increasingly ridiculous premises in the peripheries of their shared experiences.

One time, however, he had come over to her place, wanting her company while he read through some research papers, before they had dinner that evening. He arrived at her apartment, backpack slung over his shoulder, to hear music blasting from her TV.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“Hey,” he returned, taking off his shoes once he stepped inside.

“I’m cleaning up right now, so it’s gonna be a little noisy. Do you mind?”

Satoshi motioned towards his bag. “I’ve got my headphones if I need them.”

“Just to block out the noise?”

“Just to block out the noise.”

She shook her head with a smile. “Just use earplugs, you weirdo.”

He came into the living room and sat down at her coffee table, placing his bag on the floor next to him. Satoshi glanced at the men dancing on the TV, spotting someone who looked nearly identical to Dark Mousy, before Risa turned it off.

His heart fell.

“You didn’t have to turn it off,” he told her, hoping that vocalizing the sensible reaction to the current situation would calm him.

“Nah.” She motioned towards the countertop. “I have headphones, too. And I use them, yanno, like normal people. To listen to music.”

“Whatever.”

She laughed, returning to the kitchen while he got out his laptop. He watched Risa wash the dishes while it booted up.

“Who were they?” he asked.

“The group I was listening to earlier?”

“Yeah.”

Risa lit up, putting down the mug and sponge in her hands, before rushing towards him. She knelt beside him with her phone in hand, eager to share this with her boyfriend.

“They’re this group called ‘Black Wings!’” she said. “They just debuted this year and, oh my god, they’re so good.”

“You have a bias?”

“Of course! Hold on.” She tilted her phone back towards her, fingers quickly moving before showing Satoshi the screen again. “This is him!”

He looked almost exactly like Dark with the purple-black hair, the mullet-esque haircut uncommon in the K-pop realm, and those chiseled facial features. Somehow, despite the time that had passed and the memories that she had lost, Risa was still holding onto some semblance of her first love. Satoshi knew, logically, that she most certainly loved him more than that accursed phantom thief, but Risa fawning over this uncanny look-a-like disturbed him.

“You like guys like that?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. “Doesn’t help that most of them are assholes, though.”

“Yet somehow you ended up dating someone with the aesthetic of a college professor.”

She kissed him on the cheek before hopping back up and returning to the sink. “Because you’re the shining light in the darkness of my dating life. And you’re just as hot, if not hotter, than them! We could totally give you a makeover and—”

“Absolutely not.”

“Boo! You’re no fun.”

…

The next time she was unconsciously reminded of Dark Mousy was on their way to a Broadway show. They passed through Times Square so Risa could indulge in the noisy tourist attraction, taking photos of them that she would post on social media later that evening.

They were holding hands the whole time, partly because it was cold, partly because Satoshi didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, and partly because Risa loved holding hand. But, while he was engrossed in the ads on the screens surrounding them, he felt her grip slack.

Something entranced her.

He followed her gaze to see someone who vaguely resembled Dark Mousy chatting with someone who vaguely resembled Krad, and he could only respond to such a mocking sight with a bitter laugh. Risa was too focused to notice Satoshi’s discomfort.

It took a crying child to snap her out of it.

She then began to march towards Broadway, tugging him along while talking about her excitement for the show. He squeezed her hand, partly because it was cold, partly because Satoshi didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, partly because Risa loved holding his hand, and partly because he was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to overcome Dark’s imprint on her.

…

Satoshi began to have nightmares of him, Risa, and Dark.

Each one started differently, taking place in a myriad of settings, before converging to the same ending: Dark and Risa, holding hands with their backs towards him, as they disappeared from his line of sight.

Goddammit.

…

They encountered another doppelganger at the restaurant they ate at for their one-year anniversary. Their waiter came by, flashing Risa a stunning smile while he poured their wine into crystal flutes. She wasn’t as distracted as she was in Times Square because they had food and wine to reel her back in, but her eyes would always trail towards the waiter in the lulls of their conversation, punctuated by a contented sigh before she jumped back in with the same energy as before.

The look in her eyes haunted him on the way back to his apartment, as he made love to her, as she slept cuddled up next to him. Satoshi knew he didn’t have to compete with a first love that no longer existed in her life, in all the senses, and that it was hard to override the precedent set by said first love, but that niggling fear that Risa was only using him to soothe that phantom pain only grew louder each time he noticed.

He was far from Risa’s type both then and now. They only began dating because of sheer luck and impeccable timing. Any moment sooner, any moment later, and he knew that this serendipitous meeting would’ve never happened.

Slipping out of bed, he went outside for a smoke.

How pathetic was he for something like this to eat him up?

…

Despite Satoshi’s kindness and genuine empathy for the world around him, he was surprisingly closed off. While Risa learned a lot about him before he asked her out, he never divulged anything particularly personal. He had anecdotes and advice for anything and everything, but it was rare for him to share any thoughts or emotions about how it related to him.

He had a way to foster a sense of closeness with someone despite being so distant.

And Risa was excited to see how dating him would change that.

Satoshi’s true thoughts and emotions rarely surfaced in their day-to-day. Their daily interactions had clear indicators of their intimate relationship, such as their playful banters or their unconscious physical touches, but he maintained that casual familiarity while the sun was up.

She only became privy to his inner world during either intimate conversations, brought upon by late-night fatigue, drunken courage, or the general afterglow of sex, or crises in both his personal and professional lives. With everything she gleaned, she learned how to accommodate, to challenge, to adapt to him, just as he did to her, and she believed that their stark differences in most everything in their lives were but a footnote to how committed they were to each other.

Which is how she noticed when that distance began to return to their relationship.

She remembered the night in his apartment after their one-year anniversary dinner. He left the bed in the middle of the night and, despite his best efforts, returned smelling faintly of tobacco.

He only ever smoked when something bothered him.

It was a bad habit he picked up while working in Japan before coming stateside. That and heavy drinking.

She could usually pinpoint the reason why he would need a smoke: unable to get funding for his department, his PI rejecting this dissertation topic for the umpteenth time, the time he and Risa nearly broke up and so on. But she didn’t know what was bothering him this time.

And she knew that she couldn’t force it out of him either. He only shared his struggles with her when he was ready to, on his own terms, and never before that unless it was an extremely heated conversation.

So, when he returned to the bed, she wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you,” she lazily whispered.

“…I love you, too.”

And he hugged her, tighter than usual, before they drifted back to sleep.

…

Risa had a bad habit of zoning out around people. So many thoughts raced through her mind, both relevant and irrelevant to the conversations at hand, that she needed a pause to make sense of them before she could speak again. Either that or an attractive guy rendered her speechless.

Thankfully, it was a habit she mostly fell out of once she began to date Satoshi, but she still spaced out whenever she saw men that checked off features from an extremely specific list. They were always tall and lean, sporting a charismatic smile (if she saw it) and long, dark hair. For whatever reason, this specific combination always made her feel nostalgic yet wistful, and, oddly enough, conjured an image of black, feathered wings in her mind.

Her friends joked around about her getting tired of Satoshi whenever a guy caught her attention while they were out. And, while Satoshi didn’t seem to mind it all at first, asking if she had spotted a bias look-a-like or someone from the K-pop groups she followed, she noticed how his face began to fall in her peripheries whenever she’d snap out of it.

And then it happened during what was supposed to be a fun trip to the Strand.

Risa needed to stock up on some stationary while Satoshi wanted to browse the selection, hoping to add a couple of books to his ever-growing library. Pleased with the journals and pen she found, she weaved through the shelves to find Satoshi. She eventually spotted him with his nose in a book.

But she also saw someone who matched that dangerously specific set of criteria right behind Satoshi.

The image of black wings flashed in her mind, and those confusing feelings washed over her. And when she was able to break out of it, reminding herself that her boyfriend was a bookshelf away, she met Satoshi’s gaze.

He stood there, petrified, book still open in his hands. His eyes were wide, and his face was paler than usual.

Risa trudged through the quagmire of guilt as she scurried towards him, pulling him into an embrace. She dug her face into his chest, hearing his heartbeat, smelling the detergent and cologne on his clothes. He returned her hug as he rubbed her back with his free hand.

“Are you alright?” she whispered.

“I am,” he answered, his voice rumbling through her head. “Did you see another guy who looked like your bias?”

“He didn’t look like my bias,” she replied. “There’s just…something about the way he looked.”

“Because he’s your type?”

“Well, yes but…” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry. You probably hate it, don’t you?”

He shot her a smile to reassure her, but she could tell it was forced. “It’s not that I hate it. It’s a lot more complicated than that. Probably just as complicated as it is for you, right?”

She always wondered how he just knew things like this. How, even when they were experiencing any form of disconnect, he was always able to tie them back together. Validating her feelings when she couldn’t validate his. Seeing through whatever act she had put on that day because he didn’t want her to hide her true feelings from him, positive or not.

Risa nuzzled her head back into his chest. “I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

And while she knew that he did, she heard the trepidation in his voice.

…

Both Risa and Satoshi began to spend more time at the other’s place than in their own apartments, alternating depending on their schedules that week. They were learning how to spend longer periods of time with each other, adapting to their partner’s living style, before they took the plunge into living together.

(It was something they wanted to rush into considering the price of rent in New York City, but they both knew they needed to acclimate to living together first. As appealing as the idea of cheaper rent was, they wanted to ensure that their domestic disagreements wouldn’t break their relationship.)

And so Risa had become acquainted to the silence in Satoshi’s apartment that amplified the noises of the city. And Satoshi had adapted to the constant stream of K-pop from Risa’s television.

Risa turned it on the moment she woke up, humming to the songs as she went about her business, and only turned it off before she had to leave or go to bed. She loved having it on as background noise and, even after Satoshi began to spend more time over at her apartment, she still kept it on because her boyfriend tended to keep to himself.

Somehow, she managed to get him to tolerate most of the music that she had on. She couldn’t sway him to liking visuals of their music videos, the looks of the idol members, or the quality of their choreography, but he came around to enjoying how the music sounded even if he didn’t understand it.

However, while he mostly blocked out the television whenever he was ever in the living room, she noticed that he would always watch Black Wing’s music videos. He knew immediately which songs were theirs due to the frequency that she played them, but he would always, for the three to five minutes they were on, give the television his undivided attention before returning to whatever he was doing.

And, after the incident at the Strand, she found it concerning.

The day after their date, she was at home doing chores while Satoshi worked on his research at the low table with printed copies of papers and textbooks, highlighted and annotated, radiating from where he sat. He had gotten into the habit of not using his headphones anymore, in case Risa had something to tell him, and his head had shot up immediately once Black Wings was on.

She stopped what she was doing before sitting down on the sofa behind him.

“Do you like them?” Risa asked.

“Not really.”

“But you’re always watching their videos.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re doing it right now.”

He turned around to look at her, and she prepared herself for a smirk and a quip. All Satoshi did, however, was meet her gaze.

“Why do you like Bam out of all of them?”

“Because he’s hot. And my type.”

Satoshi blinked. She expected him to take her answer at face-value before turning back around, but he didn’t. He kept her gaze, almost silently pleading for something.

But what did he want?

“Um, do you actually want to know why?”

“You like him for other reasons?”

Risa nodded as the group’s harmonized vocals filled her living room. “Like he’s super talented, too, right? And there’s just something about his charismatic personality that shines whenever the group’s on reality TV. But, hm, how do I describe this?

“Every time I look at him, I start to feel things. Like, I get giddy, but I also want to cry? And, for whatever reason, I start to think of black wings. Not the group of Black Wings, but an actual pair of black wings, feathered and all. So whenever I see guys that remind of Bam, all that just washes over me?” She sighed. “I don’t know; it’s weird.”

The song ended.

And the expression on Satoshi’s face broke her heart.

He turned around quickly before shutting his laptop. Satoshi shot up.

“I need some time to myself,” he muttered before rushing out the door, slamming it behind him.

And she sat there, staring at where he just was, while another upbeat song played from her television.

…

Satoshi returned later that evening to pick up his things before leaving again, citing some excuse about something coming up. She didn’t push him to explain the lie, deciding to give him the space he needed to sort out his emotions.

Risa expected that he would reach out to her within a couple of days. A week at most. But, after the second week of silence from him, she sent him a message before going to his apartment.

He didn’t answer the door when she knocked, but he had given her a spare key so she could let herself in if he wasn’t around. She didn’t want to use it, especially considering where their relationship stood at that moment, but she knew it was safer for her to wait inside.

And if he kicked her out the moment he walked in, then that was that. Their relationship would end because of that unknown demon plaguing Satoshi, and she would have to find a way to get over someone she legitimately wanted to marry one day.

C’est la vie, she supposed. All things had to come to an end one way or another.

“Excuse me,” she whispered, letting herself in. She slipped off her flats, leaving it in the empty spot reserved for her shoes, before walking into the living area.

It was a mess.

Satoshi wasn’t an organized person despite how he presented himself, but he managed to keep his place somewhat tidy if Risa decided to pop in unexpectedly. She tiptoed through piles of books and papers and laundry (whether clean or used, she wasn’t sure), before placing her bag on the countertop.

Risa checked her phone to see if Satoshi had responded to her message, but there was still no reply. She began to clean to pass the time, moving books and papers into cleaner piles based off their topics while she did his laundry.

Midnight had long passed when she finished, and Satoshi still hadn’t returned. He also hadn’t responded to her message. So she stayed up to wait for him, watching dramas on her phone, until sleep finally took her.

…

Risa came to, covered in a blanket, with someone holding her hand.

She leaned over to see Satoshi passed out on the floor, hidden by the other half of the blanket as he held her hand. He frowned before unconsciously tucking himself under the covers.

A smile erupted on Risa’s face, and she squeezed his hand before getting up. She went to the bathroom to tidy up and came out to Satoshi sitting up, eyes squinted, with a pout on his face.

“Why did you leave?” he whined.

“I needed to use the bathroom,” she answered. “When did you come back?”

“Late. Or early?” Satoshi yawned. “I just know the sun was already up.”

“Were you working late?”

“No. I was out with friends. Drinking.” He scrunched his face again. “Shit. My head’s pounding.”

“Well, how much did you drink?”

“A lot.”

She shot him a look. He groaned before climbing onto the sofa, curling up in a ball, and covering himself with the blanket. She chuckled seeing her usually aloof boyfriend act so childish, but this always happened after Satoshi had enough to drink.

(Risa was usually as drunk as Satoshi whenever he got like this. So, instead of watching on in sober amusement, the two of them ended up fawning over each other like lovestruck teenagers.)

“Do you need me to grab anything? To help you sober up?” she asked.

“No. I’ve got instant noodles in the pantry and kimchi in the fridge.”

She recoiled at the combination. “…are you sure?”

“Yeah.” His head poked out of his blanket cocoon. “Can you please prepare the ramen for me?”

“Of course.”

She navigated his kitchen, having made instant noodles for them countless times before. And, while she waited for the pot to boil, she turned around, expecting to see Satoshi tucked back into the blanket.

Instead, she saw him sitting up, looking directly at her with a serious expression on his face, possibly induced by his hangover-induced headache, that was seriously undermined by his ridiculous bed head. Risa cracked a smile.

“Headache’s killing you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he grumbled. “How’ve you been? These past two weeks?”

“Tired. Stressed.” Risa shrugged. “You know, the usual.”

Satoshi kept his gaze trained on her, as if he was expecting her to say something else. She tilted her head in response, nudging him to continue, but he shook his head.

“It’s nothing,” he assured her. “Can you also get me some water?”

“What about coffee?”

“I’d like to hydrate before I dehydrate myself again.”

Risa filled a mug using the filtered water pitcher on his countertop before handing it to him. He chugged half of it, pausing for a breath, before drinking the rest.

“More water? Or is it time for coffee?”

“…I think coffee can wait for now.”

She refilled the pitcher before bringing it to him. He poured himself some more water before downing yet another mug. When she heard the water boil, Risa added the noodles and seasoning to the pot before setting a timer.

“You’re not making any for yourself?” Satoshi asked.

“I just had some yesterday,” she said. “If I have more today, I’m scared it might ruin my physique.”

“Says the woman who ends up eating more than me whenever we share a meal.”

Risa smiled to herself, relieved to hear the joking lilt in Satoshi’s tone. She took some kimchi out from his fridge and cut it into bite-sized pieces. The timer rang when she finished, and she poured the noodles into a bowl before delivering the food to Satoshi.

He slid off the sofa before eating, punctuating his elegant slurps with the crunch of the kimchi. And Risa sat across from him and admired the way her boyfriend, who usually pecked at his food, devoured the meal like he hadn’t eaten in days.

Although, if Risa had to be honest, there was a chance he probably hadn’t eaten a full meal in a while.

Only when Satoshi finished eating did he break the silence.

“Are you not upset over the fact that I haven’t texted you in two weeks?” he asked. “I figured you’d have some pointed words for me when the moment arose.”

“I know I can get like that sometimes, but I can’t do that to you. Not when I’m sure the whole thing’s been just as hard, if not harder, for you as it has been for me,” Risa answered. “I was actually bracing myself for you to break up with me when I came to your apartment last night.”

Risa’s words made him instinctively reach for her hand across the table. His thumb rubbed circles on her skin in a feeble attempt to comfort her.

“What’s wrong, Satoshi?” she asked. “What’s so terrifying for you that you had to leave my apartment like that? That you had to avoid me for this long? That you’re so scared of us talking about it?”

“…do you love me?”

She pulled away from him before looking down at their now disconnected hands. The centimeter between their fingers was painful enough. But if she saw his usual aloof expression on his face after asking such a loaded question, it would kill her.

How could this man, after all the time they spent together, the long nights spent either pouring their hearts out or cuddling or making love, think that she doesn’t love him? This was the man that she could imagine herself getting married to, and yet he didn’t feel the same?

Were his words about their potential future after graduation just empty promises?

“…how could you ask me that?” she said, feeling the tears bead at the corner of her eyes. “Why…are you asking me that?”

“Because of Bam. Because of all the other guys you’ve looked at that momentarily take you away.”

“But I don’t love them!” Risa could no longer contain her shrill voice. “Just because they’re my type and because I find them attractive doesn’t mean that I don’t love you! You’re—”

Risa’s throat constricted in terror, unable to tell him the words that she wanted him to hear. She felt the grip on her sanity slipping. If he dismissed her words of love as just a passing whimsy, hysteria would overtake her.

“…I know why you like guys like that.”

The shock of his words quelled the flurry of her emotions. Risa’s head shot up to face him. Satoshi wasn’t even looking at her.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Remember when I met you at that lamppost all those years ago?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “When you were crying about being unable to remember the person you loved? That person…he looks exactly like your type.”

“How do you know that?”

“Dark Mousy was part of an artwork created by the cursed blood of my ancestors. And when he was sealed away on that fateful day, almost everyone except for a handful of people forgot that he existed—ah, can you hand me that scrap piece of paper and pen?” She did as she was asked. “Thanks.”

Satoshi gingerly took the pen from her hand, careful not to brush against her fingers, before sketching a portrait. And when he finished, despite how rough it looked, Risa’s heart both soared and cried just like it did whenever she saw someone who was her type. How strange it was for something to simultaneously look so familiar and unfamiliar.

“When you were fourteen, you fell in love with this dashingly handsome phantom thief named Dark Mousy, unaware of his true identity. You showered him with your unconditional love, continued to do so despite everything you learned about him, and he eventually reciprocated, falling just as madly in love with you.

“He is your first love.”

A tear rolled down Risa’s face.

She was so overwhelmed with this information, with all those feelings, that it paralyzed her. Satoshi stood up before leaving the peripheries of her view.

“I’ll leave you for a bit to process all that. And, when you’re done, feel free to leave.”

“…where are you going?” she squeaked.

“Out. Don’t wait for me to return.” She heard him slip on his shoes. “If you want to break up with me over this, I completely understand. Take as long as you need to make that decision, alright?” The door swung open. “Goodbye.”

When the door closed behind him, the finality in his farewell hit her. And, only when she was alone in his apartment, did she crumple onto the floor and cry.

…

Satoshi returned to his apartment after yet another long night of drinking with his friends. He abstained from most alcohol this time, unsure if he could contain what occurred earlier were he to get drunk, so he entertained pints of beer until they decided it was time to retire for the day.

Only then did he realize how neat his apartment was.

The piles of laundry that he had no energy to tackle were gone. And his research was piled in neat mounds, out of the way of any foot traffic. He was too preoccupied that morning to even notice what Risa had done for him.

He found a note on the low table, scribbled on the piece of paper that he sketched Dark on.

You’re an idiot and a coward, Satoshi.

I’ve made up my mind. I’ll see you tomorrow to tell you my answer in person.

Risa

Satoshi shook his head.

There was the Risa he knew. However, even he couldn’t tell whether she was joking or being as blunt as she could considering the precarious state of their relationship.

The exhaustion of the day finally caught up with him and Satoshi, one to adhere to his nightly routine, just passed out on the covers of his bed.

…

Satoshi had a dream that night of Risa, at fourteen, standing by that forsaken lamppost. He expected to see her crying, just like she was all those years ago, but she just turned towards him and smiled.

“Why are you crying, Hiwatari-san?” she asked, curious yet kind.

Only then did he feel the warm streak of tears on his cheeks. He stood, frozen, while Risa came up to him and pulled him into a gentle embrace.

“I know it seems like a terrible fate to have forgotten the person you’ve loved to the point that you can’t even put a name or a face to those feelings, but I don’t see it that way. Dark’s a part of my past, and that’s where he’s going to stay. Honestly, it’s a blessing that I have no recollection of him anymore.”

Risa let go of him and wiped the tears from his eyes. “You and I both know how difficult it is to let go of our first loves, but that’s all they were: our first loves. They’re not the people we’re in love with now nor the people we will be love with in the future. I’m still unconsciously holding onto Dark because he’s such an important part of those blindingly beautiful days of my youth. Nothing more.

“But, Satoshi, you’re my present. And I hope that you’ll be my future, so take good care of me, alright?”

Satoshi began to sob, and Risa hugged him once more.

For once, this was a dream that he didn’t want to wake from.

…

Satoshi woke up to banging on his door.

He ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would eventually leave him alone, but the knocks continued. Satoshi got up, anger rising with each step he took to the door, until he swung it open, ready to—it was Risa.

“Are you that upset to see me?” she asked, letting herself in.

“No. Sorry, it’s just—your knocking.”

“Well, someone wasn’t opening up when I was still polite about it,” she sang.

“…I just woke up.”

Risa nodded before plopping down on his sofa. “So, are you ready for my answer?”

“Honestly, I’m a bit scared. You’ll either give me some of the best or worst news I’ve heard in a while, and your current nonchalance is not reassuring in the slightest.”

“Ye of little faith.”

“Do you know how terrifying your cheerfulness can be?”

Her dulcet laugh filled his living room for what may or may not be the last time. And when she finished, she grinned which, unfortunately, was scarier than if she was taking this seriously.

“Marry me, Satoshi.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Well, I was trying to come up with something super romantic that would hopefully let you know how much I love you, but this was all I got. It’s corny and cheesy, right?”

“Risa, you’re not the one who’s supposed to be proposing.”

She rolled her eyes. “Woman have just as much of a right to propose in a relationship as a man does.”

“Yes, I’m aware, but that’s not the issue at hand right now.”

“Then what is?”

“We are far from financially stable to even think of a wedding right now. Completing our dissertations come first. Besides, we don’t even have a ring, so—”

“I know, Satoshi. I know,” she said. “Marriage is so far off that I shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now, but I’m telling you that I want to marry you because I see a future with you. That I love you so much that, right now, I can’t imagine anyone else by my side for the rest of my life. I love you so much more than you think I love that Dark guy, and I will continue to love you as best as I can for as long as I’m alive.

“The official proposal and marriage can wait until we’re ready. But, right now, I’m letting you know that I’m choosing you. I’m choosing you today, and I will continue to choose you tomorrow. Ad infinitum.”

This was playing so similarly to his dream the night before that he couldn’t believe the words coming out of Risa’s mouth. He had to be dreaming.

“Pinch me.”

She complied. Her sharp nails dug into his skin.

“So this isn’t a dream…”

“I’m offended that you thought my sweeping confession was a dream.”

“No, it’s just—I had dream similar to this last night. I wanted to make sure this was reality.”

“You’re just saying that because you think that’s what I want to hear.”

“No, I’m being serious.”

Satoshi took her hands in his. And, feeling the warmth of her skin through his palms, he began to tear up.

“I love you, too, Risa. And, when that times comes, I will get down on one knee with a ring of your liking to ask for your hand in marriage because I don’t want to imagine a future without you by my side. For now, all I can say is that I will continue to choose you today, and I will continue to choose you tomorrow. Ad infinitum.”

Risa pulled Satoshi into a hug, rubbing his back. “If my husband-to-be is already crying telling me how much he loves me now, how will he fare when he has to do it in front of all our loved ones?”

“He will cry just as much, if not more, in front of an audience because he cannot believe he gets to spend the rest of his life with someone like you.”

Their hands cupped their lover’s face. With their eyes locked onto each other, they had the perfect opportunity to seal their love with a kiss. But they didn’t.

Risa beamed, her delight so infectious that Satoshi, with his most content smile, just leaned his forehead on hers while his tears kept falling. She kept tutting about her emotional boyfriend as she giggled and wiped his tears away. That feeling of comfort, of safety, of their physical closeness, of their emotional intimacy, was love.

It was their love.

And it was one of the few things that the infamous phantom thief, Dark Mousy, and the cursed Hikari blood in his veins, couldn’t take from them.

#dnangel #d.n.angel #dn angel #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #satorisa #my writing #my fanfiction

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satorisa · 11 months

Text

Ozone and Petrichor

Rating: T

Summary: In which Throné and Hikari get caught in the rain after a late night at the tavern. Part of an art trade with @elementalsoup

Alternate Reading: AO3

*sighs wistfully*

鳴神の少し響みてさし曇り雨も降らぬか君を留めむ [A faint clap of thunder Clouded skies Perhaps rain comes If so, will you stay here with me?]

- Man'yōshū, Book 11, verse 2,513

…

The stench of petrichor seared the back of Throné’s throat before she could even hear the storm outside.

She covered her nose as she left the tavern, hoping the lingering scent of her perfume would mask the foul odor of New Delsta in the rain.

Unfortunately, the base notes had long faded away.

“What’s wrong, Throné?” Hikari asked.

When the door shut behind them, the downpour boomed in Throné’s ears, and nausea began to well up inside her. She mostly blamed the smell, mentally cursing her sensitive nose, to avoid the bubbles of memories that resurfaced with each stifled inhale she took.

“The smell…” she mumbled.

“Is it too strong for you?”

She nodded.

Hikari fished a pouch from his pocket and tossed it to her. Its fragrance cut through the fetor of the rain as it traveled through the air. And when it landed, softly, in her cupped palms, all she could smell was the mixture of herbs inside it.

And all she could feel were the remnants of his warmth cradled in her hands.

“I didn’t pin you as a potpourri kind of guy,” she said, bringing the pouch to her nose.

“I’m not,” he replied, “but Castti made it for me. To calm my nerves.”

“Hm…”

Sleet began to pelt the ground. Throné nearly smothered herself with the pouch while Hikari turned away from her to watch the deluge. In the meager lighting outside the tavern, she could see the awe in his usually stern profile, captivated by mere water falling from the sky.

“D’you like rain that much?”

“I suppose I do,” he answered. “It rarely rains in Ku and, when it does, it’s a light drizzle at most. So storms like this are always a sight to behold.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Hikari chuckled. “You don’t seem to like rain all that much.”

“Rain’s fine. It’s just water at the end of the day.”

Throné met Hikari’s eyes. He could tell, despite her nonchalance, that there was something else there: another feeling stewing inside, curbed only by the fragrant herbs grounding her to that very moment.

She looked away from him, focusing on the hail bouncing at their feet. And when they finally came to a stop, they disappeared under the unrelenting torrent, leaving no trace of their existence.

Ah, how she wished that memories were just as transient.

She knew that, no matter how terribly she stumbled over her words were she to open up, Hikari would understand. Despite the difference in their upbringings, they could read the space between each other’s words with the same ease as walking. And, while, such a thought would assure most people, her closeness with Hikari specifically terrified her.

It was different from the intimacy she shared with Castti and infinitely more so than the kindred bond she shared with Temenos; she felt at home in her relationships with them. However, while she felt just as comfortable with Hikari, his earnestness effortlessly dredged up thoughts and feelings she would rather keep tucked away.

“Don’t force yourself to share if you’re not comfortable,” Hikari reassured with a smile. “But if you do want to tell me, take all the time you need. I don’t think the storm is letting up anytime soon.

The sleet stopped, and the sound of rain filled the silence between them. Hikari looked out beyond the awning. Throné looked inwards.

“It…kind of smells like blood, doesn’t it?”

Hikari sniffed the air before nodding. She had only mentioned her aversion to the smell briefly, yet Hikari sensed the weight of her feelings beyond that sentiment and knew that such a topic shouldn’t linger any longer in their conversation.

“It’s a good thing I had that pouch on me, then,” he said.

“Even when Castti’s not here, she’s still a godsend.”

Hikari laughed. Throné cracked a smile. And, in that moment, she forgot about the melancholy the rain had brought her. Before their mirth dissipated, thankfully, Hikari had recalled something.

“Were you there when Ochette said that the rain smells different from place to place?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell. What about it?”

“Osvald said that the smell of the rain depends on the environment you’re in. So the rain smells like that here because of all the development. Whatever he said after that was beyond me, though.”

Throné thought about the terrible squall on their way to Wellgrove and, only when Hikari mentioned it, did she realize how different the rain smelled there when its fresh scent returned to her. The cave they were stranded in that night had an earthy and musty bouquet, but it was so much more natural than the stench the herbs were warding off.

Compared to the verdant forest surrounding the cave, New Delsta had little greenery. The damned city was mostly cobblestone streets snaking through brick-and-mortar buildings so close together that it was suffocating; she would never return to this accursed place of her own accord. However, her journey had led her and her companions back here to investigate what laid beyond the locked door in the sewers. Her freedom was within her grasp, yet she continued to feel trapped by this artificial jungle forcibly imprinted onto her very being.

“Would you like a hug?”

She nearly dropped the pouch in her hands. Unable to string an appropriate response from the fractured thoughts in her mind, she automatically answered his question with a bewildered look.

Before traveling with the group, Throné was wary of physical contact. Every touch she shared with someone else, whether to seduce them for information or take their very life, was fueled by the intent to cause harm.

However, after all the time she spent traveling with her companions, she adapted to their physical idiosyncrasies: she linked elbows with Ochette, high-fived Agnea, drunkenly embraced Castti, received awkward side-hugs from Osvald, fist-bumped Partitio, and nudged Temenos. Each small gesture carried the trust they built up over the course of their adventure, showing how much these disparate lives had come to care about each other.

The only person in their group that still kept to himself was Hikari, but his amicable demeanor outside of meticulously maintaining his personal bubble made Throné think little of it. She chalked it up to him being royalty and filed it away as one of Hikari’s many quirks.

“Never thought you’d ever offer.”

“It’s just—it looks like you need one.”

Throné returned his scrutiny from earlier. Hikari met her gaze. His eyes were steadfast.

“Physical contact doesn’t come easy to me. Every time I touch someone, I’m scared that I’m going to hurt them. That I’m going to blink and, when I open my eyes again, someone I care about will be bleeding to death in front of me.” Hikari smiled. “And I have a feeling that, this time, words weren’t going to be enough to comfort you.”

“Like you said earlier, there’s no need to push yourself.”

“I know, but I won’t be able to move forward if I don’t try, right?”

Throné tucked the bag of herbs into the pouch hanging from her waist before pulling Hikari into an embrace. And he reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her surprisingly delicate frame.

This did not feel like the drunken hugs she shared with Castti: their similar heights and build made each hug feel just right. And every time Throné snuggled with the apothecary, she always smelled strongly of herbs that masked the faint, acrid smell of antiseptic that laced the threads of her clothes.

Hikari, on the other hand, was slightly taller with a lean frame that masked his muscular build, but his body melded with Throné’s perfectly. He smelled like the sun and sweat from their trek earlier, but he also smelled distinctly like Hikari, a scent reminiscent of the fresher notes of petrichor, that complimented the lingering aroma of the sachet of herbs.

He was right. This was more comforting than anything he could’ve told her.

Throné relished this moment, bracing herself for the moment Hikari would soon pull away.

He didn’t.

Hikari deepened the embrace, nuzzling his face into her hair. His unexpected boldness surprised her, and she stiffened in response.

“I guess, despite it all, I still am a man,” Hikari joked as his voice rumbled through Throné. “I know I should let go, but I can’t seem to want to.”

“It’s because you’re deprived.”

Hikari laughed. “I guess so, but—“ His hands traveled up to cradle her head, terrified and apologetic for something Throné couldn’t discern. “—it hurts seeing you like that. Somehow more so than anyone else. And, if I could, I wish I could take away all the pain you’re shouldering.”

“You’re only saying that because we’re friends.”

“Even if we weren’t, everyone deserves to be happy. Even you. Especially you.”

Tears began to pool at the edge of Throné’s eyes. The shockwave of his words alleviated the tension in her body as her arms tightened around Hikari, and she dug her face into his chest. When her tears finally escaped, Hikari’s robe soaked them up.

“…same to you.”

There was something extremely romantic about a prince and an assassin, after a moment of emotional intimacy, sharing a comforting embrace under the guise of the night. They stood in their dry haven, sheltered from the rain, as they continued to melt into each other.

But the romance of their moment ended when Throné began to yearn for something beyond a hug. It sometimes happened during jobs with marks she found aesthetically attractive, but such feelings were ephemeral. This was stronger, more dangerous than those transient spikes of adrenaline, and she didn’t know if she would’ve been able to restrain herself were they not in public.

They both pulled away, faces flushed despite the cool weather. Hikari cleared his throat while Throné grabbed the pouch of herbs, drowning herself in its scent to calm herself. This lapse of control had to be caused by the influence of alcohol, compounded by the fact that they were the last two from their party at the bar (again), laughing away and chatting into absurd hours of the night (yet again).

Throné could willingly admit to herself that she was falling for the prince. But this moment confirming that Hikari, to some degree, reciprocated her feelings made her instinctively reject them all the more.

A romance between a prince and an assassin? How could something so ridiculous ever come to be?

After they had both calmed down, and Throné shelved such an absurd thought, did they notice that the rain had let up.

Hikari stepped out from under the awning, enjoying the spray of water, before offering his hand to Throné.

“May I?”

This was a gesture of pure chivalry, spurred only by how late it was and how their conversation devolved. Nothing more, nothing less.

But, while still under the night’s domain, Throné would allow herself to indulge, sampling a taste of the freedom awaiting her by succumbing to her feelings.

“You may.”

She took his hand and, after intertwining their fingers, she stepped towards him. And so, huddled next to each other, they walked back to the inn, savoring their whims of fancy before they had to return to reality.

…

鳴神の少し響みて降らずとも吾は留まらむ妹し留めば [A faint clap of thunder Even if rain comes not I will stay here Together with you]

- Man'yōshū, Book 11, verse 2,514

#octopath #octopath traveler #octopath traveler 2 #octopath 2 #octopath travler ii #throne anguis #hikari ku #my writing #my fanfiction

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satorisa · 1 year

Text

Kiss Me: Chapter 3 - In Which Life is Beautiful

Rating: M

Summary: " But then it began to rain one day. The power conveniently went out. And, in that moment, briefly illuminated by a flash of lightning, those niggling thoughts no longer seemed so alien."

Alternate Reading: AO3

Usually, this is not what watching Life is Beautiful will lead to but, uh, horny teenagers, am I right?

They frequently napped at his place. After an especially tiring day at school or a productive study session, they would head back to his apartment and collapse onto his bed until one of them came to.

If Satoshi woke up first, he left the bed, readjusting the covers for Risa, before starting on dinner. And if Risa woke up first, she left the bed, readjusting the covers for Satoshi, before washing her face and cooking dinner.

They never overstepped in his bedroom. They danced around each other, taking whatever they could get during those brief moments of consciousness before the fatigue from their everyday lives lulled them to sleep. Any kiss or touch that toed the boundary often went unchallenged with a flimsy excuse about lack of energy (to do it and/or clean up before and after it) or lack of condoms (because Satoshi didn’t have a whole box of them in drawer of his nightstand and Risa didn’t have a handful of condoms she carried around in the pouch for her pads and tampons), so they relegated the bedroom simply as the place to make out and sleep in.

However, Risa had chanced upon the perfect opportunity to change that. For one weekend, the stars aligned in her favor: her parents were going to be out of town for a business trip and Riku had a lacrosse meet in Tokyo that would keep her away for the weekend, so Risa had no obligation to come home by her midnight curfew.

And so, after the final bell rang on her Friday of freedom, she dragged Satoshi home with her to grab her weekend bag.

…

“What the hell did you pack in here?” Satoshi grumbled once they arrived at his foyer.

After Risa kicked off her shoes and put them into their designated space on Satoshi’s shoe rack, she took the large tote from him before skipping off to his bedroom while humming a tune. She disappeared from his line of sight as he slipped his shoes off, rotating his shoulder to alleviate the tension from carrying her things before heaving a sigh.

“My stuff!” she yelled from the room. “Most of it is my skincare, though.”

“You don’t need it. You’re pretty enough.”

Her dulcet laugh echoed through his apartment, and a smile tugged at the corner of Satoshi’s mouth. “I’m only pretty because of it, dear.”

The term of endearment clung to him like a mote of dust basking in the glow of the sunset. He started to hum a tune, low and shaky, while he went around his kitchen to pour some water for him and Risa. And when he finished, he saw her head poking out from the threshold of his room with a grin that eclipsed her face.

Only then did he realize that she heard him.

“Aw, how cute!”

He looked away, feeling his face heat up from her attention.

“No need to stop humming for my sake,” she sing-songed before disappearing from his field of vision.

“It was embarrassing.”

“Nope. I found it quite lovely.”

Another word clung to him.

…

They spent the rest of that evening cuddling while watching movies. Satoshi ordered Italian food for delivery, and so they ate pasta while watching a classic Italian movie that Takeshi, their resident movie buff, highly recommended.

And they ended that movie splitting a cannoli with Satoshi tearing up and Risa livid.

“He died!?” she screamed, stabbing her fork into the dessert.

“Well, it did take place—”

“I thought this was a romantic comedy!” she shrieked.

“Well…”

“I’m killing Takeshi on Monday as payback for the emotional anguish I’m experiencing right now.”

Satoshi laughed as two beads of tears rolled down his face. Risa wiped them away with her finger, admiring the contours of his face the light from the television highlighted in the dark room before pulling away and glancing at the screen. The credits rolled, and Risa grabbed the remote to look for another movie.

“So, do you still want to watch another movie? You’re not tired yet?”

“Risa.”

“Mhm?”

“Risa, look at me.”

She turned to face Satoshi. “Hm? Something wrong?”

He cupped her face with his hands and leaned in, leaving a kiss as light as gossamer on her lips before pulling away a bit. She rested her hands on his, but she could only respond in confusion.

“Are you okay? Did this—”

“I love you.”

She blinked. Risa knew the appropriate response to this was to respond with those same words. She felt the same way, but she didn’t know how or why this movie elicited such a response from Satoshi. It wasn’t a romantic movie, for the most part, and more of a comedy than a tear-jerker and yet—oh.

Oh.

The pieces fell into place in her mind. She thought the association was, perhaps, too exaggerated, but who was she to say? She wasn’t Satoshi.

Risa tightened her grip on his hands again, as a sheepish smile graced her face.

“I love you, too.”

A fuzzy warmth settled inside her. She never imagined that their rainy day “mistake” would lead to this, yet there they were, experiencing the impossible becoming possible.

All she could do was admire the profile of his face, highlighted by the television screen in the darkness. Even in the meager lighting, she could see how much her loved her: in the tenderness in his eyes, the softness in his expression. And, in that moment, he was hers.

Her mouth went slightly agape.

And Satoshi took this opportunity to seize her lips.

His caution disappeared as he continued to kiss her. She mewled when he nibbled her bottom lip. She moaned when he deepened their kiss, feeling his tongue with hers.

Only when she could no longer breathe did she pull away, her nose still touching his. Risa felt his warm breath on her while she gasped for air. They’d done this so many times before, but it had always left her breathless.

And yet, somehow, they still haven’t gotten any further than this.

“…let’s do it.”

Her eyes fluttered open from their haze and meet his: icy-blue to her hazel amber.

Satoshi was serious.

“Are you sure?”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“…okay. Okay.”

His lips crashed onto her as his arms snaked around her, pulling her into a tight embrace while her hands found their way behind his neck, grasping onto his hair. She couldn’t follow their combined movement aside from the feeling of his lips on hers as their hands roamed free, grasping onto anything they could.

Risa felt his embrace tighten while she wrapped her legs around his torso. She could feel him underneath her, wanting, yearning, when—

“Eek!”

She pulled away from him when he picked her up. Risa strengthened the grip of her arms around his neck as she dug her head into the nape of his neck, unsettled at the lack of any surface underneath her. Satoshi chuckled, nuzzling her head with his nose.

“Don’t tell me you wanted your first time with me to be on my couch,” he teased.

His low voice rumbled in her ear, tickling the back of her neck. She squealed.

“Well, no, but you should’ve told me you were going to pick me up!”

“That’s usually not how this works, dear.”

Any leftover fear and hesitation she had about having sex with Satoshi disappeared. She wanted him to hurry up and bring her to the bed so they could continue, so desperate to finally have him inside of her.

Her gingerly placed her on the bed before kissing her again. They pulled away long enough just to remove their clothes before their lips met again. Her hands were in his hair, his hands were grabbing onto any part of her that he could, trying to control his strength so he wouldn’t end up bruising her.

Satoshi unclasped her bra easily before bringing her nipple to his mouth. He licked and sucked as Risa moaned and squealed and—fuck.

One of his hands trailed down, gingerly slipping off her underwear, while his fingers teased her dripping wet entrance. His index finger slipped in, feeling her clamp around him while she tried to suppress a shrill scream, and it took every ounce of self-control not to immediately pounce on her.

God, why did it take them so long to do this?

…

“How did you learn how to do that?” Risa asked, sitting on his toilet with her naked body wrapped around in only a bath towel.

Satoshi cleared his throat before washing his hands, trying to focus on anything but the image of the curves of her body seared into his mind. Hopefully, the water would wash those thoughts, in addition to the mess they had made.

“Hello? Hikari-san?” she asked. “You in there?” A smirk erupted from her gentle inquisition. “Oh, don’t tell me—”

He turned his sink off. “You don’t want to know.”

“Come on! There’s no way that someone like you would’ve known about foreplay before we began!” she pouted.

“Then let me ask you that same question.”

She laughed, awfully blasé about such a topic. “Riku-chan and I got curious about it growing up, as most burgeoning young woman do. And I heard stories of what she and Daisuke-kun have done.”

“Do not divulge those stories.”

Another light, dulcet laugh followed him as he returned to his bed. He lied down on the left, the side the actually sleeps on that was closer to the window, when Risa plopped down next to him. She cuddled into his side, somehow fitting perfectly there, before looking up at him. He tried his best not to ogle at the cleavage peeking through the loosening bath towel but, alas, Satoshi was but a mere, mortal man.

“So? It’s only fair that you tell me after I shared.”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“What? That you’re actually a secret erotica fan?”

It was Satoshi’s turn to smirk. “Takeshi.”

The lazy expression on her face tightened. Her eyes widened as she sat up, strands of hair falling out of place. She immediately fixed the towel threatening to slip off before scooting away.

“Disgusting.”

“He’d show Daisuke and I videos—”

“Nope! No! I don’t want to—Daisuke-kun?! Oh god, ew, no, why did you tell me?!”

“Well someone wouldn’t stop pestering me about it.”

She threw a pillow into his face before storming off, slamming the bathroom door behind her. As he slid the pillow off his face, he couldn’t stop the grin threatening his lips.

God, was he in love with her.

#satorisa #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #dnangel #dn angel #d.n.angel #my writing #my fanfiction

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satorisa · 1 year

Text

quick sketch (or wip? lol)

from kiss me by @satorisa

in which risa blurted out “kiss me” in the middle of a thunder so satoshi asked her to repeat it KSKJJSKJ

#dnangel #satorisa #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #fanart #MY FIRST FANART FOR A FANFIC!#i have been inspired

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Trope Rating Time!

Send me a Trope and I’ll rate it!

#hit me up if you’d like!#:)#asks #reblogs

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Falling: Chapter 3 - In Which the Boys Have the Best Sleepover Ever

Rating: T

Summary: "I wanna forget all this burden in my past."

Alternate Reading: AO3

Because the best sleepovers involve watching Studio Ghibli movies, right?

With the May holidays coming up, Daisuke’s parents planned to go out of town to visit their college friends. Grandpa Daiki had left for Italy about a week earlier with a close friend to enjoy wood-fired pizzas, lemons the size of his face, and the beautiful, Sicilian breeze. And so, until Grandpa Daiki returned to Japan the Monday of the holiday week, it was unanimously decided that Daisuke would spend the weekend at the Saehara household.

“What’s the occasion?” Risa asked when she saw the duffel bag Daisuke had that Friday morning. “Running away from home?”

Daisuke nearly protested when Takeshi swooped in, wrapping his arm around Daisuke’s shoulder. “Nope! He’s sleeping over at my place for the weekend! Are ya—” Takeshi began to bounce his eyebrows. “—jealous?”

Risa laughed. “Jealous? Of not being invited to your ham fest? Puh-lease.”

Satoshi appeared on the other side of Daisuke and silently waved at Risa. She returned the gesture.

“Congrats on waking up early again, Hiwatari-kun. You’ve been on a roll lately.”

“Thank you.”

“So,” Risa asked with a grin, “what do you guys have planned for your super special sleepover?”

“I think we’re baking this evening,” Daisuke answered. “Then we’re marathoning Studio Ghibli films.”

“Absolute classics,” Takeshi interjected.

“Tomorrow, we’re taking Satoshi out to buy some clothes and…uh…spend the rest of the evening talking until we fall asleep.”

“For our brotherhood,” Takeshi interjected again.

“And then we’ll spend the rest of Sunday watching Studio Ghibli movies until we pass out.”

Risa blinked before she started laughing. “Actually, I take that back. I’m a little jealous I’m not invited.”

“You can’t sleep over, of course, but you’re free to join us!” Takeshi said, excitement dripping with each syllable.

She just smiled. “I’ll let you know if I can.”

…

Since Risa had lunch plans with Ritsuko that day, the boys decided to eat in Daisuke’s classroom. They needed to meet up before they headed home for the weekend to prepare themselves for Risa’s potential company.

“Boys,” Takeshi said as he sat down, “I shot my shot.”

“Congrats,” Daisuke said as he unwrapped his bread.

“Did you have to invite her over?” Satoshi grumbled, digging into the bento Takeshi packed for them that morning.

“Look, I get that you’ve got issues, but what’s the worst thing that could happen? Is she gonna try to get you alone to finagle information about Dark from you?”

Satoshi looked at Takeshi straight in the eye and knocked on the desk. Takeshi broke out in raucous laugher, and both Takeshi and Daisuke knocked on the desks they sat at in solidarity.

“I don’t think she’ll do that, though,” Daisuke reassured. “I think she was genuinely interested in what we’re actually doing.”

“I know,” Takeshi said with a smug smile. “She was hooked the moment you said we’re baking later.”

“Don’t tell me you tailored this weekend just for her,” Satoshi said.

“What little faith do you have in me?” Takeshi feigned offence. “I tailored this weekend just for you.”

Satoshi shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Takeshi shot him a quick glare before downing several large bites of his lunch. He chased it with water and, after a loud burp, he met both Daisuke’s and Satoshi’s gazes.

“Alrighty boys, let’s set some ground rules for this weekend if we so happen to find ourselves in Harada-imouto’s presence.” He raised a finger. “1) We do not joke about or discuss my crush on her around her. If she finds out, you are dead to me.” He raised another finger. “2) Satoshi is not to be left alone with her at all. For his safety. And, uh—” Takeshi put his hand down. “—that’s about it.”

“Um…I think I need to add one more rule,” Daisuke said.

“Aight. Add away.”

“3) Risa-chan cannot be left alone with me, either.”

Satoshi focused on his bento, picking at the eggs with his chopsticks. Takeshi leaned in, eyes glistening with curiosity.

“What secrets are you hiding from me, oh dear best friend?”

…

One of the underclassmen from the art club caught Satoshi on the way to the shoe lockers, so Takeshi went ahead while Satoshi talked to them. They quickly chatted about the en plein air social the club had planned during the holidays before going on their merry way with an enthusiastic farewell.

Those cute underclassmen of his were starting to grow on him.

After he switched his shoes out, he spotted Takeshi and Daisuke waiting by the entrance. He expected to leave with them to enjoy a fun evening with the boys when a familiar pink ribbon came into his field of vision.

“Hey, guys!” Risa greeted while Ritsuko, who trailed behind her, waved. “My parents said I could come over for some baked goods this evening! Mind if Ritsuko tags along?”

“The more, the merrier!” Takeshi said. “Welcome aboard the fun train, Fukuda!”

“I’m just here to steal your recipe for Valentine’s Day.”

He laughed, and the group was about to head out when Satoshi’s phone rang. He saw Inspector Saehara’s caller ID and picked up.

“Sorry to ruin yer plans and all, but somethin’ urgent just popped up that needs to be done ASAP.”

“Is it more urgent than baking?”

“I know you’re upset, Satoshi, but—”

“I’m telling Saehara-san that you called me in for work and ruined my youthful sleepover.”

“Satoshi, please don’t call—”

He hung up. The group looked at him in awe.

“Sorry, but something came up at the station. Have fun for me.”

…

Inspected Saehara locked the door to the office behind him. Satoshi glared at the older man, and he just guffawed.

“I’m really sorry, Satoshi.”

Fuming, he ignored Inspector Saehara’s apology and marched back home without him. When he arrived, Risa and Ritsuko were long gone. A half-eaten cake sat on the table, and Takeshi and Daisuke were playing a video game in the living room.

They looked away from the TV and, instead of greeting him, they started laughing at him for being a young professional. Satoshi’s eyebrows furrowed more as he ignored them, chucking his school bag at the sofa (narrowly missing Takeshi) before helping himself to some cake.

Plate in hand, Satoshi sat on the floor by Daisuke before having a bite. (Dark chocolate with ganache. Delectably moist, decadently rich and, most importantly, not too sweet.)

He watched them play while eating his cake, purposefully ignoring Inspector Saehara when he finally arrived with dinner. They all gathered in the living room, digging into the fried chicken as they began their movie marathon. They watched Princess Mononoke first since it was Inspector Saehara’s favorite film from the Studio Ghibli collection but, when the old man began to snore halfway through, Takeshi banished him to the master bedroom, and his muffled snores accompanied Joe Hisaishi’s ethereal score until the movie ended.

Daisuke ducked into the downstairs bathroom to get ready for bed in case he fell asleep while watching the movies, so Satoshi went upstairs to change and freshen up when he saw a text from Risa.

She sent him a picture from earlier; the girls stood to the left, guys on the right, as they framed the cake in the middle. The message underneath read: “had lots of fun earlier! hope we can do this again soon!”

Satoshi blinked, wondering what prompted Risa to text him. They only ever messaged each other to confirm plans with the group or to find each other in crowds: general housekeeping more than anything.

Satoshi: Did Fukuda steal the recipe?

Risa: yup! she’s got it stashed away on her phone! :)

He wondered what possessed him to message her, but the speed at which she replied with was astounding. His phone pinged again, and he saw another text from her.

Risa: how’s the movie marathon?

Satoshi: We just finished watching Princess Mononoke.

Risa: good choice! wish I could’ve stayed longer to watch with you guys :(

Satoshi: You’re still welcome to join us on Sunday if you’d like.

Risa: i’ll see if i can! thanks for the invite, hiwatari-kun!”

Satoshi sat at his desk, focused on his phone. And when Risa no longer responded, he left his phone on his desk to charge before heading downstairs. Daisuke was still taking a shower, but Takeshi was in the kitchen making hot cocoa.

When Takeshi saw Satoshi, he pulled him into a hug.

“Bro, thank you for inviting Risa over on Sunday.”

…

The boys breezed through more of the Studio Ghibli catalogue, getting through Castle in the Sky, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, until they began to fall asleep while watching Porco Rosso. Takeshi leaned on Satoshi’s left shoulder, snoring at a tolerable volume and occasionally mumbling something in gibberish. Daisuke leaned on Satoshi’s right shoulder, cheek smushed into Satoshi’s upper arm while he hung onto Satoshi’s appendage like a sloth.

And Satoshi, enamored by the Studio Ghibli magic that gave life to a story about a pilot-turned-pig in the Adriatic Sea, watched on. And only when the credits began, with its calming music, did Satoshi join his friends.

…

Satoshi woke up to hear something sizzling on the stove. He rubbed his eyes awake before sitting up on the sofa. The blanket that covered him rolled off his chest as the cool air from the AC hit him, and he saw Takeshi and Daisuke in the kitchen.

(Inspector Saehara was not in the kitchen, but Satoshi picked out his snores from the room in the lulls of the sound of breakfast.)

When he finally came to, he joined the duo. He silently greeted them while he began to make coffee, filling up the kettle for some hot water.

Satoshi stood separated from the bustle in the kitchen, watching the kettle while Takeshi and Daisuke made small talk. Only when the kettle clicked did Satoshi move as he began to grind the coffee beans. He made enough coffee for Inspector Saehara to have his daily two cups and poured some out for the boys before joining them at the table.

“Dude, Satoshi’s coffee is to die for.”

Daisuke laughed before taking a sip. His face lit up, surprised, before he took another sip. “Wow, this is great! Thanks, Satoshi!”

He just nodded. Silent.

Even though he hadn’t said a word all morning, the guys didn’t force him to join their conversation. They let him be, just like he wanted, as he relished in this moment.

After they said their thanks, they dug into the breakfast. And while Satoshi silently ate, listening to Takeshi and Daisuke talk about the most menial of things, Satoshi genuinely wished that they could do this again.

…

Commissioner Hiwatari never took Satoshi out to shop for clothes. He would come home with items that somehow always fit but were always more fashionable than comfortable or practical. (And, if Satoshi had to be honest, he hated everything Commissioner Hiwatari bought him.)

Satoshi thought Takeshi would take him to a Uniqlo or SHIPS, but the trio found themselves in front of the department store.

“…with what money are we buying my clothes?” Satoshi asked, adjusting the tote slung over his shoulder.

“Ma said to charge it as a business expense.”

“…how?”

Takeshi shrugged before rolling up his sleeves. “Alright, fellas, we’ve got one job today, so let’s stay focused. No distractions!”

“Says the one who always gets distracted by the food and kitchen appliances,” Daisuke joked.

Takeshi glared before they walked in, politely turning down the makeup samples they could bring back to their “girlfriends” as they made their way to the escalator. Daisuke and Takeshi pulled their phones out as they ascended, but Satoshi looked down at the sprawling floor in awe. Everything shone, neatly displayed or folded, and he was too enthralled by the sight that he didn’t feel the pang of regret that often accompanied him finally experiencing something he should’ve long experienced as a child.

When they made it to the floor that housed the men’s section, mannequins dressed in sleek suits greeted them. Satoshi recognized those brands as the high-end ones that made up most of Commissioner Hiwatari’s closet, and Satoshi marched on to find something less expensive. He passed by some popular streetwear brands, only known to him because of Takeshi and Daisuke’s mild interest in fashion, until he finally found more subdued pieces of clothing that catered to his tastes.

“Satoshi, uh, that brand’s—”

Takeshi’s warning came too late. Satoshi looked at the tag, and the price bounced in his head. It was too damn expensive for a casual sweater, so much so that seeing that many numbers together physically hurt.

“Takeshi, this was a terrible idea.”

“Bro, you literally aren’t even trying right now.”

“But—” Satoshi gestured to the clothes surrounding them. “—there’s too much to look through. And they’re probably all pricey.”

Takeshi sighed. “Just ask someone to help you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Just go up to one of the attendants and ask them to help you. I’m sure they can find something for you.”

Satoshi just blinked, looking at Takeshi like he had said something in Russian. Takeshi returned Satoshi’s confused expression, and Daisuke laughed when he finally caught on.

“Are you too nervous to ask them for help?” Daisuke asked.

Satoshi Hiwatari, literal kid detective, college graduate at the tender age of fourteen, terrified to ask for help at the department store?

Absolutely.

Takeshi smirked, and Satoshi sighed, leaving the thoroughly entertained duo before asking one of the attendants for help. She directed him to a brand he wasn’t familiar with, but Satoshi liked the style and, most importantly, enjoyed the price point.

And after Satoshi tried on what he picked out, narrowing down the pile of clothes he brought with him to the fitting room, they paid before heading downstairs so Takeshi could fawn over the food. Satoshi followed him, wondering what samples he could taste, while Daisuke went off to grab something for Riku when he visited her during the holidays.

After stopping Takeshi from buying an extravagant set of chocolates, Satoshi spotted a familiar pink ribbon tying back brown locks. Lo and behold, Harada Risa was in her natural habitat at the department store, admiring the cases full of desserts while she carried a basket of impeccable looking strawberries in her hand. He ducked behind the closest fruit stand.

“Takeshi!” he harshly whispered.

“Ye?”

“Harada is here!”

Satoshi motioned towards the preoccupied girl, and Takeshi’s face lit up. What a serendipitous occasion for them to meet at the department store! But a familiar mop of red popped into his field of vision and was in the peripheries of a certain girl who would most definitely stop him were she to see him.

Thus, by virtue of the bro code, Rule Number 3 of this sleepover took precedent. But it also gave Takeshi a fantastic opportunity.

“I’ll distract her,” Takeshi whispered. “Get Daisuke out of here.”

“Where do we meet up?”

“Men’s section. We should be safe there.”

Satoshi nodded.

“Harada-chan!”

She turned around and greeted Takeshi. Satoshi couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but she saw Daisuke briskly walk towards him. He ducked behind the stand next to Satoshi, and they silently watched Takeshi lead her away for them to escape.

May his shot go well.

…

“So, what’s the real reason why you can’t be left alone with Harada?” Satoshi asked as the two of them sat down in the men’s section.

“Is Riku being jealous of her sister not a good enough reason?”

“I’m sure it’s part of the reason, but I feel like that’s not the whole thing.”

“Is that your detective instinct?”

“No. You’re just a little too obvious sometimes,” Satoshi said with a smile.

Daisuke sighed while Satoshi directed his attention to the passersby. A frantic woman passed by, quickly talking to someone on the phone in English.

“It’s just…Risa-chan has been a lot more clingy lately to the point that Riku’s starting to get annoyed with how much time I spend with her. And I’m having a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with Dark.”

“Like residual feelings of some sort?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what do with that.”

“Talk to her about it?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why? Because you’re dating her sister?”

“Yeah. That’s one of the reasons, but I also don’t want to put her on the spot for it, especially if she doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

“Is that why you were a little too excited to hear about Takeshi’s feelings for her?”

“Yeah,” Daisuke sheepishly admitted. “It’s the easiest way to resolve it. A win-win situation for everyone involved.”

“That involves Harada returning his feelings.”

“There’s always a chance.”

“You’re holding onto a slim hope, then.”

Daisuke laughed. “Better to be optimistic, I always say.”

“Well, I’m sure there are other guys in our grade we could always…gently persuade to pursue Harada were she to turn down Takeshi’s feelings.”

His friend shook his head in disbelief that Satoshi even suggested such an idea while Satoshi laughed. If Takeshi couldn’t worm his way into Risa’s heart, no one else in their grade would be able to. Only a person with such outstanding confidence like Takeshi could handle Risa’s overwhelming personality.

Either that or…

That wasn’t a train of thought he was willing to entertain. Not now. And, hopefully, not ever.

Satoshi spotted Takeshi’s spiky hair in his peripheries as he rode up the escalator, shining with jubilee.

“Hello, men,” he greeted as the enthusiasm faded from his face. “What the hell have you two been talking about to make y’all look like death?”

“We’re bracing ourselves for the interrogation later by screening our answers,” Satoshi answered.

Takeshi glared at him.

…

“You did what?”

Mama Saehara’s voice boomed through the house. The boys just arrived, and they stood at the entrance, removing their shoes while trying to make as little noise as possible.

Satoshi had never heard her sound like that. Her voice always had a light and cheerful tone despite her powerful looks, yet she sounded exactly like he expected her to in that moment.

“It was an emergency!” Inspector Saehara retorted. “I know that he had plans an’ all, but—”

“But what? You think work is more important than what you made him miss?”

“Well—”

Mama Saehara screamed a flurry of French, and Inspector Saehara gasped before replying to whatever she just said in Japanese. Takeshi sighed as they bickered on.

“I’m sorry about this, y’all.”

“It’s fine,” Daisuke said. “My parents get like this sometimes, too. Even grandpa has his moments.”

Satoshi blinked. It sounded like Inspector Saehara and Mama Saehara were arguing over what happened yesterday, but he didn’t realize they would get so heated over something like that. Satoshi had completely gotten over being called to work when he woke up that morning, so he couldn’t empathize with them arguing about it.

“Is this normal?” Satoshi asked.

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took you this long to hear them like this, but I guess they’ve probably been holdin’ back because of you.”

Mama Saehara let out another exasperated string of words in French. Inspector Saehara demanded she repeat it in Japanese, taunting her, and she did without any hesitation. The boys gasped.

“I thought they got along,” Satoshi said.

“They do,” Takeshi said. “I mean, how else could they have been married for this long?”

“But—”

“This is normal!” Takeshi assured. “Besides, what family doesn’t argue?”

Daisuke nodded. Satoshi, however, decided he had had enough of the petty argument and marched into the kitchen to try to diffuse the situation.

Inspector Saehara sat at the table with his phone leaning against his mug. He looked up from the screen and balked at the sight of Satoshi before shooting him an awkward smile.

“Hey, Satoshi,” Inspector Saehara greeted. “How was yer trip to the department store?”

“Good.”

He expected Inspector Saehara to reply or for Mama Saehara to say something to him. She just grumbled something in French.

Inspector Saehara gasped.

“Have you no shame in cussin’ me out in a different language in front of our son?”

It was Satoshi’s turn to gasp. If only to lighten the situation.

Inspector Saehara cracked a smile.

…

Chips and beer in hand, Inspector Saehara retreated to the master bedroom. And, arms full of snacks, the boys retreated to Takeshi and Satoshi’s room upstairs. Satoshi sat at his desk, attempting to tidy his mess, while Takeshi and Daisuke sat on Takeshi’s bed, sharing an opened bag of chips.

“So…” Takeshi began.

“So…” Satoshi echoed.

Takeshi glared at Satoshi, and he smirked back. Daisuke laughed at his friend’s antics before munching on a handful of chips, cutting through the tension in the room.

“Tell us why you like Risa-chan,” Daisuke started.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Takeshi asked. “She’s adorable.”

“Then why’d you only start liking her recently?” Satoshi quipped.

“Hey, if you wanna take the floor, then you spill.”

“Do you want to cry?”

Both Daisuke and Takeshi looked at Satoshi, mortified, but he just laughed. Perhaps it was in bad taste to joke about what had happened to him, but Satoshi didn’t have any deep secrets or life problems to spill besides it.

Takeshi pouted. “You’re disqualified from speaking from here on out.”

Satoshi gave him a thumbs up with a smile. Takeshi returned it before he began to rock back and forth like a metronome.

“Honestly, I don’t really know, man,” Takeshi admitted. “After Harada-ane moved away and Harada-imouto started to hang out with us a lot more, I jus’ started to pay more attention to her an’ all. Next thing ya know, I’m daydreamin’ about her in class.”

Daisuke nodded while Satoshi blinked. He didn’t mind talks of romance when casually mentioned or joked about, but he felt uncomfortable hearing Takeshi talk about it so sincerely. He opened the box of matcha Pocky and hoped no one noticed him snacking on something he would never willingly choose.

“And I can’t help it even though I think she’s got her heart set on another guy.”

Satoshi bit the stick of Pocky in half. His eyes bounced from Daisuke and Takeshi, noting Takeshi’s growing impatience and Daisuke’s obvious awkwardness.

Takeshi’s keenness never failed to surprise Satoshi.

“She probably likes you, Daisuke.”

“What? No…”

“Bro, have you seen how she acts around you? Look, man, I know you’re dense, but you can’t be that obtuse.”

Daisuke glanced over at Satoshi, eyes begging for help. But Satoshi zipped his lips, keeping to Takeshi’s words from earlier. And, honestly, he wanted no part in this conversation at all.

“Daisuke, please, be honest with me. I promise I’ll try my best not to take it personally.”

He sighed. “…I know. I’ve known for a while now, but I don’t know if she knows. And even if she does know, I don’t think she wants to acknowledge it.”

“Does she like you because you’re you or because you were Dark Mousy’s host or something like that?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure most of her feelings are coming from her residual feelings for Dark, but Riku also just moved away. I wouldn’t be surprised if she started getting attached to me, to us, to fill the void of her sister.”

Takeshi groaned before grabbing his pillow and digging his head into it. “Unrequited feelings suck, man.”

Daisuke nodded while Satoshi bobbed his head in reflex. He remembered the pang he felt when he realized how important Risa was to him despite knowing how she felt for Dark. His burgeoning feelings, no matter how fleeting, still haunted his mind. Somehow, someway, Risa always crawled into his life uninvited.

Unlike Takeshi, however, he couldn’t welcome any of those feelings he had for her.

Luckily, his friends didn’t notice his absent-minded expression as he stared at nothing in particular and precariously balanced the stick of Pocky in his mouth. When he came back to the conversation, Takeshi had a devilish smile on his face while he nudged a red-faced Daisuke with his elbow.

“Come on, you can tell us how far you’ve gone with Harada-ane!”

“Absolutely not!”

…

Satoshi woke up.

Daisuke and Takeshi were still asleep. And he was about to fall back asleep considering how late the trio had stayed up, but he saw slivers of light blue filtering through the blinds and the lethargic haze clouding his mind cleared up despite the sleep deprivation.

He sent Takeshi and Inspector Saehara a message saying he’d be out just in case they woke up while he was gone and, phone in hand, he left the house to grab breakfast for everyone. There was a coffeeshop by the police station he was partial to, and he didn’t mind taking the slight commute to get there.

Satoshi rarely found himself this alert so early in the morning, but he enjoyed the calm stillness of Azumano at dawn. If he began to consistently wake up at this time, he wouldn’t mind adding a morning walk to his daily routine.

He didn’t think the coffeeshop would be so busy on a Sunday morning, yet he saw a large group huddled around the register when he arrived. Satoshi noted how young they looked and wondered why a group of teens would be willingly awake this early on a Sunday until he saw Ritsuko intently looking at a tablet in her hands.

He went up to her. “Robotics competition?”

She turned towards him, initially shocked to see him there, but a smile quickly settled onto her face. “Yeah. It’s just an invitational, but we’re hoping to win something at least.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks!” she said. “How’s your sleepover going so far?”

“Fun.”

She smirked. “Did you actually fall asleep last night?”

“Yeah. And I woke up early.”

“Unfortunately?”

“Fortunately. I’m sort of starting to like mornings.”

She laughed. “Well, I wish you the best of luck on your transition to become an early bird.”

The barista called their order, and the group swarmed around the counter. Ritsuko stood up and slipped the tablet into her bag.

“Sorry to cut this short, but we’ve got to head out now. See you around?”

“Of course. Kick their asses.”

Ritsuko blinked, taken aback by Satoshi’s choice of words before letting out a hearty laugh. “Saehara-kun really has rubbed off on you.”

After Ritsuko left with her club, Satoshi ordered. He waited at a table by the counter, enjoying the ambiance and the light muzak as he skimmed through the news on his phone.

After they called his name, he ambled home with the food and drinks in hand, watching Azumano wake up with every step he took. As the sun continued to rise and the sorbet-colored sky turned its usual hue of blue, he saw stores open, joggers zoom by him, and the occasional group of elderly women briskly walk past him. Everything felt different from the lunchtime hustle, the evening rush, like a car engine humming to life instead of zooming down the highway.

He really could get used to this.

When he returned home, the house was still. He began to unpack the food from the bags when he heard heavy footsteps barrel downstairs. Satoshi froze in place, and the sight of Takeshi coming into the kitchen couldn’t shake off the fear.

“Bro, Harada-imouto’s coming over around lunchtime later!”

“Cool.”

“Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“You, um, scared me. With the loud noises and all.”

“Aw shit, fam. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Takeshi then noticed the food that Satoshi brought. He began to open the containers in excitement until he found an order he knew belonged to him. His face lit up before opening his arms. A proud grin eclipsed his face.

“Come here, brotha!”

“Too early. Hard pass…brotha.”

…

The boys (and Inspector Saehara) sat at the dining table, stiff from anticipation for Risa’s arrival. Inspector Saehara learned about his son’s feelings for the Saehara household guest after asking why the hell his son was making that much racket so damn early in the morning and, fully supporting his son’s infatuations, helped the boys clean up and splurge on some food from that fancy place he knew the Harada family frequented.

His boy’s gotta make a good impression somehow.

So, when they heard the doorbell ring, exactly at noon, they looked at Takeshi, begging him to let her in. They held their breath, pitying the lovesick fool when they heard his usual, confident babbling turn clumsy as he stumbled over his words. But when they heard the door close and saw Risa walk in, wearing a t-shirt dress that definitely leaned towards a casual ensemble for a day with friends than an outfit to catch a boy’s attention, they cautiously glanced at Takeshi to see his perception on Risa’s uncharacteristic fashion choice.

The boy was too ecstatic at her company that he was blind to her obvious message about how she truly felt about this.

Was this a success? Or a failure? They couldn’t tell.

“So,” Risa began. “what’s the plan?”

…

Risa insisted on starting with Whisper of the Heart.

Satoshi expected it have that whimsical fantasy that permeated the films he watched the evening before, but it didn’t. It had the whimsy, for sure, but he couldn’t connect with the realism of the film. So, while Risa, Daisuke, and Takeshi waxed poetic about the youthful vigor in the couple’s ending, the sentiment was lost on him, and he dismissed himself on the kitchen to “grab a snack” while the trio argued over what to watch next.

He stood next to Inspector Saehara who sat at the table that allowed for prime viewing of his son’s adolescence. He had a laptop in front of him, with Mama Saehara on the screen, and Satoshi waved to her. She didn’t notice since she seemed preoccupied with something else on her end.

“I didn’t realize you were in a call with her.”

“She’s just here to get real-time updates on Takeshi crushing over the Harada kid. We’re not actually having a conversation.”

“Because of what happened yesterday?”

“What do you mean what—” Inspector Saehara didn’t finish his sentence. He just began to laugh. “Oh, that? That’s nothing.”

“Nothing? But…”

“It happens all the time. Me an’ Ma are always arguin’ over somethin’. It happens with those yer close to, yanno?”

No, Satoshi didn’t know. The bemused expression on his face said everything, and Inspector Saehara guffawed.

“It’ll happen one day whether you’ll like it or not. Just don’t hate us when it happens, alright?”

Takeshi came in. “Bro, we’re starting My Neighbor Totoro! Hurry up!”

Satoshi nodded, following Takeshi back to the living room without any resolution to his conversation with Inspector Saehara.

He sat down in the recliner, distant from the trio on the couch. Risa was wedged between Daisuke and Takeshi, dangerously close to crossing the threshold of Daisuke’s personal space. The former was dangerously close to rolling off the couch over the armrest; the latter was dangerously close to crossing the threshold of Risa’s personal space. As an outsider looking in, the teens spelled out their emotions so plainly that it only hurt to watch.

Satoshi envied them. Of that innocence that allowed them to feel the emotions that come and go. To allow themselves to get caught up in a tempest of their feelings without worrying about how far-reaching the consequences would be.

The chipper tune of the movie’s opening brough his attention back to the TV. And while those on the couch sung along, he just nodded to the beat, unable to fight the smile threatening his face.

…

After the movie ended, to everyone’s dismay, Satoshi ducked into the restroom. When he returned to the living room, only Risa was there, lying down on the couch as she busied herself with her phone.

Clearly, this situation was in violation of Rule Number 2 of the sleepover code, but it seemed like there was nothing he could do to amend the broken rule.

“Where’d they go?” Satoshi cautiously asked.

“Daisuke’s parents called him during the movie, so he’s returning their call right now. And Saehara-san and Takeshi-kun stepped out to grab dinner.”

“So, your parents are letting you stay until then?”

“Yup! So we can squeeze in two more movies before I have to head back!”

“Which movies?”

“The Wind Rises and Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Do they have romance in them?”

Risa winked. “Of course!”

Satoshi rolled his eyes. “I don’t understand your obsession with romance.”

“You don’t have to, but just know that you’re missing out on a fantastic genre.”

Satoshi shook his head, and she just giggled. “Maybe you’ll change your mind when you actually fall in love with someone.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I wouldn’t end your sentence so quickly,” she sang.

“Perhaps, but I still think you’re slightly delusional.”

“But who isn’t slightly delusional when it comes to love?”

Satoshi wondered what possessed her to say that. And, when she met his gaze, he didn’t expect to see that earnest expression on her face. The Risa in front of him was no longer the adolescent girl who lived up the stereotype. This was the Risa trying to expand her horizons, to learn what lay beyond her perception of the world: the Risa that terrified him.

“Do you think I’ve lost it?” she asked in a whisper. “Being hung up over a ghost of a feeling? Of a person I can’t clearly recall in my memories? At the fact that you can’t fill the hole they left not matter how much you tell me about them?”

Satoshi hated this. He hated how easily Risa managed to skirt the edge of his comfort zone. She was precise enough to get her point across yet vague enough that it felt rude for him to strike that boundary. Not without him risking sounding like an asshole.

Not without him allowing her to cross a boundary he wasn’t ready for anyone, let alone her, to cross.

He began to formulate the words in his mind to say that he couldn’t answer that question, that he felt uncomfortable even being in the position of receiving her inquiries. Satoshi had to brace himself for her disappointment at him pulling away, but Daisuke came down before Satoshi followed through with the decision his mind was heading to.

“So, what’re we watching next?” Daisuke asked.

Satoshi nearly wept from the timing.

…

Sunday passed without any more drama. After they finished the movies Risa wanted to watch, she left without much fanfare, and the boys went through as much of the Studio Ghibli filmography as they could before they passed out.

Satoshi, however, woke up that Monday morning in a cold sweat with a splitting headache. So, while Takeshi and Daisuke left to pick up Grandpa Daiki from the train station, Satoshi floated in and out of consciousness while a familiar, winged Phantom Thief haunted his dreams.

#dnangel #d.n.angel #d.n. angel #dn angel #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #takeshi saehara #daisuke niwa #my fanfiction #my writing #falling #we die like men without betas

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Falling: Chapter 2 - In which Satoshi Actually Gets to School on Time

Rating: T

Summary: "I wanna forget all this burden in my past."

Alternate Reading: AO3

This is so dialogue heavy it’s kind of ridiculous, but sometimes all you gotta do is talk your feelings out.

“—tosh—”

“Sa—shi!”

“Satoshi!”

He opened his eyes. Takeshi loomed over him, hair disheveled and eyes wide with concern. Satoshi felt warm until a chill cut through his bones; he was drenched in sweat.

“Bro, you alright?”

“…does it look like I’m alright?” Satoshi croaked. His chapped lips and parched throat made it difficult for him to speak.

“Aight. If you’re giving me attitude, you’re gonna be fine.”

Takeshi’s bedhead disappeared. Satoshi expected his roommate to leave him alone and float back to dreamland, but the door creaked open as Takeshi stomped out. His footsteps crescendoed as he returned, and his gravity-defying hair that rivaled Daisuke’s at the moment popped up by Satoshi’s bedside.

He propped Satoshi up, fluffing his pillow before handing him a bottled water. Takeshi placed a cold compress on Satoshi’s forehead and watched, eyes surprisingly sharp, Satoshi take a sip.

“Bad nightmare?” Takeshi asked.

“Yeah.”

“Do ya remember what it was about?”

“No.”

“Wanna go for a walk?”

“Isn’t it too late for one?”

“So? Do ya wanna go on one or not?”

Satoshi checked his phone. The lock screen read 2:07 AM.

“…yeah. Let’s go for a walk.”

Takeshi helped Satoshi down from the top bunk. They both put on a light jacket before heading downstairs, slipping on their shoes before walking onto the empty streets of Azumano. Satoshi looked at the darkened windows of the houses lining the road before glancing up at the night sky. His eyes then lingered on the street lamps above them before they flitted over at Takeshi.

He had his hands in his pockets. Their eyes met.

Takeshi said nothing.

The muscles in Satoshi’s body relaxed and he focused on the rhythmic count of his footsteps. He noted that Takeshi’s were slightly off from his.

“How long has it been since my last nightmare?” Satoshi asked.

“Truthfully? Last night,” Takeshi answered with nonchalance. “But most nights, you don’t keep me up with all your, um, noise.”

Satoshi didn’t like the hesitation he heard in Takeshi’s response. He bit his lip. “…sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize, bro. Better out than in, I always say.”

They made it to one of the busier streets. A lone sedan passed by as they stood at the intersection, unmoving despite the lack of traffic and the green light for pedestrians.

“You know, I never expected you to be this…”

Takeshi raised his eyebrow.

“Accommodating? Responsible? Understanding?” Satoshi paused, irritated he couldn’t find the right word to express himself. “You never seemed the type.”

Takeshi frowned. “I know I come off a certain way, but that doesn’t mean I’m a douchebag.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“There ya go apologizing again!” Takeshi sighed. “Do we have to make one of those jars where ya have to toss in one hundred yen every time ya apologize?”

“Absolutely not,” Satoshi barked.

Takeshi’s laugh echoed before it petered off. His eyes were focused on the sidewalk at the other side of the intersection. Satoshi followed Takeshi’s gaze; there was nothing there. Takeshi sighed next to him.

“Yanno, I had the wrong idea about you for the longest time, too. I thought you had your whole life in order. That you were some stoic hotshot the world couldn’t touch.

“Then I lived with you and, I dunno, bro, I can’t imagine going through the half the shit you went through and are still going through. And I’m not sayin’ that ‘cause I pity you, nothin’ like that, but only now do I see how much you’ve been hiding and struggling with.”

“It’s a little pathetic, isn’t it?”

“Nah. What you’re goin’ through ain’t pathetic. Not at all.”

Another lone sedan passed by.

“Are you just being nice to me because you’re my ‘brother?’”

Takeshi glared at Satoshi. “Bro, do ya really think I’m doin’ this because I’m obligated to?”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

Satoshi felt so small under Takeshi’s scowl. He braced himself for Takeshi to scream at him. After all, those weren’t words you just admit to people.

But Takeshi just wrapped his arm around Satoshi’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

“Goddammit, Satoshi, how many times do we have to hammer this shit into your head? Me, Daisuke an’ my parents aren’t doin’ this because we’re obligated to. We’re doin’ this because we care, you dumbass.”

The warmth and physical affection felt so awkward, but Satoshi didn’t hate it. He leaned his head against Takeshi’s, trying to hold back the tears stinging his eyes.

“…because all of you love me?”

Takeshi pulled away, resting his hands on Satoshi’s shoulders and staring at him straight in the eye. He had the biggest grin on his face.

“Damn, straight, Satoshi! It’s because we love you!” Takeshi scooped Satoshi into a hug, skewing Satoshi’s glasses from the sudden ruckus and scaring the sentimentality from the situation. “I love you, you stubborn son of a bitch!”

“Okay! Okay! Let go of me!”

“No!”

Satoshi attempted to fix his glasses while in Takeshi’s vice grip, but he couldn’t and decided to weakly return Takeshi’s hug. Only then did Takeshi let go.

“Wanna grab some ice cream before we head back?” Takeshi asked.

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

They ducked into a nearby convenience store and, after an awkward exchange with the cashier, they walked out with their goods: Takeshi had a popsicle, and Satoshi had an ice cream bar. (And they also had a bag of assorted frozen treats to bring home.)

“Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way,” Takeshi began, nibbling on his popsicle as they headed home,” level with me, bro.”

“Yeah?”

“What might’ve caused your terrible nightmare?”

“Why are you asking me that question?”

“Your nightmares were terrifying when you first moved in, but they’re pretty tame now, so I was wonderin’ if somethin’ might’ve triggered it.” Takeshi paused. “Don’t tell me it’s the Dark Mousy portrait!”

Satoshi shrugged. “Maybe? I’ve been working on it for a while though, so I don’t think that’s it.”

“Fair. Then, what—”

“Harada asked me to tell her about Dark.”

Takeshi smacked Satoshi’s arm.

“Hey! What was—”

“Bro, in what world do you think you’re in any position to be doing that right now?”

“She was adamant!”

“Then you should’ve been more adamant!” Takeshi sighed. “Satoshi, I know that it’s something you’re working on, but you really should care more about yourself. Please.”

…

Takeshi and Satoshi never made it to school on time.

They would always get there right when the gates would close and the teachers on tardy duty would scold Takeshi for keeping Satoshi from punctuality before letting the boys in without any consequences. And, when they would arrive in the classroom, their homeroom teacher would target Takeshi for his rampant tardiness while Satoshi quietly slipped into his seat without much of a fuss.

(In reality, it was actually Satoshi keeping them from getting to school before the first bell. Takeshi learned that Satoshi was a pain in the ass to wake up, so he usually spent his morning at his desk. Whenever Satoshi would meet his eyes while rushing to get ready, he always saw a judgmental smirk on Takeshi’s face.)

But Satoshi, for once, actually got up while Takeshi was getting ready. The two left for school at a reasonable time that morning and bumped into Daisuke and Risa at the school gates.

“Congrats on waking up early!” Daisuke greeted.

Risa giggled next to him.

Satoshi rolled his eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Takeshi patted his back. “Bro, this is monumental for you.”

“Shut it.”

Risa and Takeshi began talking about some K-pop song that just dropped. And Daisuke began talking to Satoshi about his plans for the art club.

Satoshi appreciated this distance from Risa. As long as Takeshi and Daisuke were there, he had a safe buffer.

Thank god he wasn’t in the same class as her.

…

Inspector Saehara locked the door behind them. The sun had set a while back, so he and Satoshi stepped onto the evening streets of Azumano. They were on their way to grab fried chicken for dinner before heading home.

Office workers were only just clocking out, so the two passed by commuters in business casual. Passersby were either alone, rushing off someplace, or leisurely strolling about, socializing in groups. Inspector Saehara and Satoshi also passed by students either on their way to cram school or back home.

In the middle of a conversation about stocks, a young woman wearing Azumano High’s uniform bumped into Inspector Saehara. She furiously apologized before rushing off as her pigtails bounced behind her, muttering something under her breath about being late to cram school again.

“Do you wanna go to cram school?” Inspector Saehara asked. “I know your grades are good, but it wouldn’t hurt if you’re aiming for a prestigious high school.”

“I have a Bachelor’s degree, remember?”

“I know,” Inspector Saehara huffed. “It was just a suggestion.”

“Then suggest it to Takeshi. He needs it more than I do.”

“Nah. He’s already decided on going to Azumano High.”

“Why? He’s got the potential to aim for a better school.”

“He wants to stay close to home.”

“That’s a waste.”

“Yanno, there’s more to life than success,” Inspector Saehara said. “I may not show it, but I do miss Ma terribly when she’s overseas, so I appreciate having Takeshi around.”

“And he made that decision because of you?”

“Yeah. He knows he might be at a little disadvantage when applying to universities, but he’s got plans to make up for it.”

“Then why are you and Saehara-san forcing me to stay in school for at least one more year when you’re not pushing Takeshi to try harder?”

Inspector Saehara let out a guffaw at this. His reaction only confused Satoshi more.

“I dunno about you, but it seems a little unfair for me to let a fifteen year old go straight into the workforce, college degree or not.”

“I don’t know about you, but it seems a little unfair to me that you’re forcing me to ‘relearn’ things I already know in the hope that I may want to waste away another three years of my life in high school.”

Inspector Saehara just laughed at Satoshi’s snarky comment.

Satoshi didn’t see his reply as a joke. The Saeharas laughed at the strangest of things and made a big deal over the littlest of things. Even after living with them for a while, their theatrics were still foreign to him.

“I suppose, but Ma and I don’t want you to shoehorn yourself into that path. And who knows? You may change your mind between now and December!”

“I highly doubt it.”

Inspector Saehara laughed again.

Besides, even if Satoshi, for whatever reason, decided he wanted to waste another three years in high school, he had already gone through the college experience once. After high school, he only had two options available to him: work or attend graduate school. He certainly didn’t want to toil through studying again, so the latter option was off the table.

Honestly, Satoshi didn’t understand Inspector Saehara and Mama Saehara’s insistence on him “living his youth.” Were they nostalgic of their own youth? Trying to live vicariously through him? Or was there something here that Satoshi wasn’t understanding but that they, two bona fide adults, did?

Which only then begged the question…

“Why did you and Saehara-san decide to take me in?” Satoshi asked.

They stopped at a crosswalk. Satoshi glanced over at Inspector Saehara, but the older man’s expression showed nothing. It was his usual gruff face, disinterested with the bustle surrounding them.

“I was wonderin’ when you were gonna ask that question,” Inspector Saehara admitted.

“I didn’t think I could. It seemed a little rude to ask after all your hospitality.”

“It ain’t rude. You’re curious, and you have the right to know,” Inspector Saehara said. “I want you to feel comfortable asking us for stuff, yanno. I don’t want you feelin’ like you can’t or shouldn’t.”

“But— ”

“You shouldn’t have to feel responsible for my, or anyone’s, feelings. How I feel is on me. And if somethin’ you ask makes me uncomfortable, I’ll let you know.”

Inspector Saehara ruffled Satoshi’s hair. He looked over at the older man who had the biggest grin on his face. Reassured, Satoshi allowed a small smile to slip.

“As long as you keep your word on that, I’ll try to get more comfortable about asking for stuff.”

“Atta boy.”

The light turned green, and they crossed the street.

“Anyways, uh, Ma and I were already planning on taking you in,” Inspector Saehara answered. “We waited to see if the Niwas wanted to adopt you, since Daisuke’s your friend an’ all, but he said it’d probably be better for you if we took you in.”

“Did he say why?”

“Nope. Figured your close friend would be excited to live with you so, if he had something against it, then he prolly had a reason why.”

“Did you know about it before taking me in?” Satoshi asked.

“About your issues an’ stuff? I had an inkling that something was up, but I only really knew when ya told us about it.”

“…how did you and Saehara-san take it so well?”

Inspector Saehara just smiled. “Honestly, Satoshi, this ain’t Ma’s and my first go around with somethin’ like this.”

The words danced on Satoshi’s tongue. They screamed in his head. He wanted to know what Inspector Saehara meant, to learn about another situation similar to his. Inspector Saehara noticed Satoshi’s face, scrunched in thought, and let out a hearty laugh.

“One day, Ma will tell you about it, alright? It ain’t really my place to share it.”

“…fine.”

“Now then, where should we grab chicken from today?”

…

Yet another art meeting ended. The fangirls that initially joined had long left. In their stead were passionate first-years, crazy about art and simultaneously enamored with Satoshi’s handsome visage and artistic prowess.

The second and third years contended that Satoshi had the personality of a wet block of tofu. They all bickered for a while for a while until Daisuke broke it up.

Satoshi laughed at this. Everyone gasped.

“I think I might need to ban you from smiling for the safety of my club,” Daisuke joked, handing Satoshi a warm black coffee from the vending machine.

Satoshi nestled the drink in his hand, nursing it like a baby chick before looking out the window. He spotted the art club members in a group, arguing about something until they noticed Satoshi looking at them. They waved enthusiastically, and he returned their gesture, albeit calmer, with a small smile, and the group returned to their conversation absolutely giddy.

“Maybe you should,” Satoshi quipped.

Daisuke laughed before pulling off the tarp covering Dark’s portrait. It looked complete to the untrained eye, but Daisuke knew there was still work to be done.

“You’ve made really go progress on this,” Daisuke said. “Are you planning on doing something with it?”

Satoshi shrugged, examining the painting while sipping on his drink. He noted spots he wanted to work on while Daisuke continued to study it.

“Why don’t you give it to me?” Daisuke suggested. “I think my mom might appreciate it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“What else would you do with it?”

“Give it to Harada.”

Daisuke made a face, trying to hold back from saying what was on his mind. He had a way of wording his thoughts as gently as possible, but the facial journey to his decision said everything.

“Whatever you want to say, Takeshi’s already said it but worse,” Satoshi said as he got ready to work, squeezing some paint onto his pallet. “Don’t feel like you need to sugar-coat it for me.”

Daisuke sighed. “I think this is a terrible idea.”

“Thanks,” Satoshi drawled. “I’m aware.”

He glanced over at Daisuke again to see if he could gather anything from his friend’s expression. Illuminated by the setting sun, he witnessed yet another facial journey: introspective instead of judgmental.

Perhaps Daisuke had something to say about Risa, especially since he was the closest to her out of the trio of boys. Maybe there was something hidden behind her loud screeches whenever Takeshi would hound her about something or the silent, composed smile she had whenever Satoshi found himself alone with her.

But Daisuke just kept it to himself, giving Satoshi a reassuring pat on his back before working on his own painting.

Satoshi knew that telling Risa about Dark was threatening the distance between them. He preferred those smiles compared to her screaming into his ear. As long as Risa behaved herself around him, he knew that she wasn’t comfortable in his presence.

For his sake, he wanted it to stay that way.

…

Satoshi woke up at a reasonable time yet again. To celebrate his achievement, Inspector Saehara gave them some money to buy some nikuman.

And so, they stood in front of the convenience store by the school, watching students pass by while they nibbled on their steamed buns and sipped on their milk.

Takeshi looked down at his phone for a bit, and Satoshi spotted Daisuke and Risa walk by. He nearly called them over when he noticed the exuberance in Risa’s expression: shining, just like how she looked like when she was around Dark.

“…shit.”

…

Satoshi woke up that morning to an empty room. Takeshi planned a team-building event for the newspaper club that day, so he said he would be out for a while.

After stretching, Satoshi headed downstairs. Inspector Saehara stood in front of the stove, focused on the pan of scrambled eggs.

“Good morning, Saehara-san.”

“G’morning, Satoshi,” he greeted. “Yanno, you can call me ‘Pa.’”

“Absolutely not.”

He sighed before turning off the stove, setting the pan of eggs to the side to cool. The rice cooker sang, signaling that the rice had finished cooking, so Satoshi helped Inspector Saehara set the table.

“Saehara-san, do you think me telling Harada-imouto about Dark is a mistake?” Satoshi asked once they both sat down to eat.

“I appreciate you asking me questions an’ all, but do ya have to ask me now?”

“I wanted to ask you when Takeshi wasn’t around.”

“Can we eat first though?”

After saying their thanks, Satoshi gulped his food down. Inspector Saehara watched in awe before shaking his head and digging in. Once he finished, Satoshi had already cleaned up his spot at the table and washed most of the dishes.

“So?” Satoshi started as he finished cleaning up the table.

Inspector Saehara sighed. “Do you think it’s a mistake?”

“Daisuke and Takeshi—”

“I ain’t askin’ about what they think. I’m askin’ about what you think.”

Satoshi didn’t answer. He focused on washing the dishes, feeling the warm water running over his hands, the soap clinging to his skin. The sound of the faucet said everything.

“Satoshi, what do you think?” Inspector Saehara asked again.

He finished rinsing the last dish. Satoshi placed it on the drying rack before turning off the water and facing Inspector Saehara.

“…I don’t know.”

Inspector Saehara got up from the table. “Alright. Let’s go call Ma.”

“No, don’t do that!” Satoshi protested. “It’s late over there and I don’t want to bother her.”

“Yer not botherin’ her.”

“Yes, I am! This whole thing is ridiculous—”

“This ain’t ridiculous.” The stern tone in Inspector Saehara’s voice startled Satoshi. “Whatever problem yer havin’ is a problem so stop trying to minimalize it. ‘sides, Ma’s better at figurin’ out emotions than me.”

Satoshi held back from protesting and silently followed Inspector Saehara to the master bedroom. The older man grabbed his phone and dialed Mama Saehara before lying down on his bed. Satoshi sat next to him, uncomfortable about calling Mama Saehara, when she picked up. Her face appeared on the tiny screen, and she looked drowsy.

“What do you want, Pa?” she asked.

Inspector Saehara handed the phone to Satoshi. Mama Saehara perked up immediately.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Satoshi’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry to disturb you, Saehara-san, but—”

“Honey, no, please don’t apologize. It’s alright.” He heard something move on her end. “What’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath. “Do you think me telling Harada-imouto about Dark is a mistake?”

“Do you think it’s a mistake?” she calmly echoed.

“Daisuke and Takeshi think it is, but I genuinely don’t know. It feels like it is, though.”

“Why do Daisuke and Takeshi think it is? And why do you think it is?”

Her soft tone asked questions Satoshi had difficulty answering. He preferred hearing someone speaking to him, interrupting him, calling him out, explaining things to him, than hear his timid voice struggling to respond to something so simple.

“Daisuke and Satoshi said that I should take care of myself first. And, for me honestly, it scares me.”

Mama Saehara was silent. She pondered for a bit before nodding and responded. “I do have to agree with Daisuke and Takeshi about taking care of yourself but, funnily enough, sometimes facing things that scare you is actually taking care of yourself.”

Satoshi blinked. “What do you mean by that?”

“Daisuke and Takeshi mean well. They want to protect you from getting hurt, so they’re telling you not to do it. And, if you’re not ready for it, Pa and I would stop you from doing it , too.”

“But I don’t feel ready for it at all!”

The decision felt like taking a step into the woods without a flashlight. Whenever Risa approached him, he felt like he was drowning, terrified that she would ask about Dark. Why did he have to face something he had no strength to acknowledge just because one stubborn, teenage girl wanted to now about her forgotten lover?

“Sometimes, you won’t feel like you’re ready, and that’s okay,” Mama Saehara answered. “But you don’t have to go through this alone anymore. We’re all with you now.”

“At the end of the day, what you do is your decision,” Inspector Saehara said. “If you don’t want to help Harada-imouto, then tell her you can’t help her anymore. And if you want to, like Ma said, we’re with you every step of the way.”

“What type of answer is that?” Satoshi asked. “You two are the adults here. Don’t you have something clearer than that?”

“Sorry, Satoshi, but this isn’t a decision we can make for you,” Mama Saehara answered.

Satoshi wanted to scream. Why did this situation have to be so difficult to deal with? Calculus was no problem; he could derive and integrate equations all day, but this? This whole damn thing made him so uncomfortable, and he hated it.

Daisuke and Takeshi told him this wasn’t a good idea. Inspector and Mama Saehara told him otherwise. How the hell could he make a decision when he didn’t have a unanimous answer?

“You know, Satoshi,” Inspector Saehara began, shaking Satoshi out of his thoughts, “I was in that situation, too. Everyone around me thought that I was making a terrible mistake to the point that I began to second guess my decision.”

“And?”

His expression softened. “I ain’t gonna lie, the whole thing was hell, but it worked out alright in the end.”

“That’s a terrible answer,” Satoshi grumbled.

Inspector Saehara laughed. “I suppose it is.”

Satoshi glanced down at Mama Saehara. She looked lost in a happy thought.

“Saehara-san,” he called, catching Mama Saehara’s attention,” what do you think?”

“I don’t have a personal anecdote like Pa, but I think you should go for it. If you’re able to think about something like that, then you should give it a shot. And, speaking from personal experiences, you’re a lot stronger than you think you are. If the whole thing gets difficult, you can always take a break before jumping back into it.”

Satoshi mulled over her words while looking at Mama Saehara. She was wide awake, comfortably sitting up in the bed by the lamplight. Was that what it looked like to be an adult? Able to take on other’s burdens while giving advice, looking like they’ve been unaffected by the toils of life?

“Thank you, Saehara-san. And sorry again for calling you this late.”

“You’re very welcome, Satoshi. And please don’t apologize. I’m glad you called me for this. She yawned. “Unfortunately, I have a packed schedule waiting for me, so I must now depart. Au revoir, my loves.”

She hung up. Satoshi handed the phone back to Inspector Saehara.

“We’ll be proud of you no matter what decision you make.”

“…why?”

“Because you finally asked for help. Thanks for letting us know.”

Satoshi never understood why the Saeharas celebrated such small things like that. Sometimes, he felt like they treated him like a kid, but the pure elation on their faces whenever he accomplished something said otherwise.

These menial things meant a lot to them, and he couldn’t take that away. Not when their idiosyncrasies began to grow on him, too.

“Let’s go out for some coffee,” Inspector Saehara sad. “You look like you need that pick-me-up.”

“Is that fair to Takeshi?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

…

Takeshi happened to spot them through the window on the way back home from his outing. Risa was with him, and she casually followed Takeshi in while he sauntered over to where Inspector Saehara and Satoshi sat. Satoshi watched, amused, as Takeshi scolded his father for leaving him out of “bonding time with Satoshi.”

Eventually, they settled down before directing their attention towards Risa, begging her to join the Saehara family for an afternoon snack. When she relented, Takeshi and her fell in line to order.

Inspector was busy enjoying the brownie he bought with his coffee. Satoshi was about to return to people-watching when he noticed Takeshi’s familiar expression while joking about something with Risa: radiant with just a touch of gentleness.

…oh.

…

Daisuke and the rest of the club had long left. Satoshi, content with the work he had just finished, began cleaning up. He draped a tarp over his canvas and gathered up the brushes, dumping them into his water cup. Palette in hand, he picked up the cup and was about to leave the room—

Risa opened the door, bathed in the blue glow of the evening.

“Oh!”

Satoshi blinked at her startled reaction. “Hello, Harada. Takeshi keep you long again?”

She shook her head. “Oh, no. Ritsuko just finished something up for the robotics club, so I kept her company.”

“Isn’t she the club president?”

“Yup.” Risa laughed. “I don’t get how she gets that stuff and likes it, but it sure is interesting when you see the final results.” She noticed what Satoshi was holding and stepped out of the way. “Whoops. Sorry about that!”

“No issue, Harada. Did you need something, though?” he asked.

He made his way to the bathroom and Risa followed. “I just figured we could walk home together if you were still here.”

Satoshi raised his eyebrow. “What about Fukuda?”

“She has cram school today, so she rushed out.”

“She’s been busy?”

“Yup. It’s been hard to see her lately.”

They got to the bathroom. Satoshi stepped in and after he finished cleaning everything, he came out to see Risa sipping on a strawberry milk. She handed him a can of black coffee that he accepted, and they headed back to the art room.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re trying to bribe me right now.”

“Maybe.”

He glanced over at her, and she giggled. Satoshi became painfully aware of what this meant to the two of them, and Risa felt so far away from him in that instant. He had to quell the desire to crush the can in his hand.

“Why haven’t you asked about him sooner?” Satoshi asked.

“Mm, I don’t know. I felt like I needed to brace myself for it. And that you needed to prepare yourself for it, too.”

“Was that a hunch of yours?”

“Yup. You’re not very easy to read, Hiwatari-kun.”

They reached the classroom. He let Risa go in before he followed. Satoshi tidied up while Risa busied herself with her phone.

How sharp was Risa’s intuition? Even Daisuke and Takeshi had difficulty seeing past his unexpressive face. Yet, without much effort, Risa could see past everything.

Terrifying.

When Satoshi finished putting away all the art supplies, he looked at Risa. She laughed at something on her phone and, when she noticed Satoshi looking at her, she put her phone away and smiled.

“Ready to head out and talk about my special someone?” she asked with that lilting tone.

“No.”

“Then is there something on my face?”

“No.”

Her amusement gave way to confusion. “Then…?”

Satoshi sighed. He couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer.

“Do you want to see what he looked like?”

Risa’s eyes sparkled. He urged her over to the covered painting and slipped the tarp off, revealing the completed Dark Mousy portrait.

And Satoshi, bathed in the blue flow of the recently set sun, could only stand there and watch as the pure elation in her face gave way to tears.

Dammit.

…

“You’re giving it to me?” she asked after she calmed down.

“Yes. The paint’s still drying, so I’ll let you know when you can take it home.”

Risa sniffled before looking at the painting again.

“What’s his name?”

“Dark Mousy.”

She giggled. “What a silly name!”

“Indeed.”

She continued to admire the work. Her eyes glistened under the fluorescent lights, and her smile wouldn’t leave her face.

“You don’t want to learn more about him?” Satoshi asked.

She looked at him and beamed brighter than the lights above. “Nah. I think this is enough for today. There’s always another time to find out more about him.” Risa slipped off the desk and straightened her skirt. “Anyways, let’s head out now.”

“Yes, we should.”

Satoshi covered the portrait. He took the club room keys out of his pocket and, after turning off the lights, locked the door behind them. They made their way towards the faculty office.

“I’m in the mood for some crepes. Wanna grab some on the way back? My treat.”

“I’ll pass.”

“Aw. You’re no fun.”

#satoshi hiwatari #DNAngel #dn angel #d.n.angel #risa harada #satorisa #takeshi saehara #my fanfiction #my writing #falling

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Phantom Thieves of Hearts Club: On Our Way to Steal Yours, Dark

Chapter 4: Sweet

Rating: T

Summary: A loosely connected one-shot collection about an unlikely trio trying to catch Dark for their own personal agendas which may or may not include their personal infatuations towards their target.

Alternate reading link: AO3

Two chapters? In a day?

Insanity.

Also, Takeshi is definitely the type of guy who would have a wall covered in string lights and instax photos of his friends and family.

Takeshi slipped past the police force, duty bound to listen to his father as he barked orders at them, onto the premises. Satoshi and Risa had gone ahead to find Dark in labyrinthine building since Inspector Saehara held Takeshi back to lecture him about etiquette at a crime scene.

After wandering around aimlessly, Takeshi finally heard voices down a hallway. He tip-toed towards them to avoid getting caught. Once he got close enough, he recognized the high-pitched timbre of Risa’s voice and quickened his pace. He found himself at the entrance of an expansive room when he saw two figures at the other end of it.

Takeshi was about to call Risa’s name when he heard her company speak.

Dark.

Hand ready on the camera, Takeshi ducked behind a column to take the perfect photo.

…

Risa left after the police force confirmed that Dark had left the vicinity. She skipped off, humming a popular song, while Inspector Saehara scolded his team, starting yet another one of his tirades about how useless the lot of them were. Satoshi looked on, amused, with his arms folded across his chest.

“Pssst!”

Satoshi glanced over at Takeshi, and his amused expression turned into one of brief confusion before utter apathy.

The least the damn kid could do, for Takeshi’s pride, was to not treat him like he was a dumbass.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Takeshi hissed.

“Tell you what?”

“That Dark and Risa are romantically involved!”

Satoshi’s eyebrows furrowed. “Did I need to tell you that?”

“No, but it would’ve helped.”

“Helped with what?”

“Everything! I thought Risa was just another one of those Dark-crazy fangirls, so I thought all the effort she was putting into this was cute, but all of this is different if she’s actually involved with him! This shit is actually serious business for her!”

“Saehara, why does this matter to you?”

“I don’t know! It just…does. I want to know as much about Dark as I can, and I don’t appreciate being left in the dark—ha—by the two of you.”

“I can’t speak on Harada’s behalf, but I don’t go around telling people things. Unless it’s important, my mouth is shut.”

“And if it were important?”

“In what situation would the nature of Harada’s relationship to Dark be important?”

“I’m not asking about them specifically!” Takeshi let out an exasperated groan. “Just, in general. If anything were important, would you tell me?”

Satoshi sighed. “If I had to be honest, no. I wouldn’t. Outside of my professional life, there’s no need for me to tell anyone about anything. Unless it’s a life or death situation in that moment, it’s not your business.”

“…go eat dirt, you pompous ass.”

…

Risa opened her shoe locker to see an envelope sitting on her uwabaki. She read her name, printed in impeccable writing, before ravenously opening what she believed was a confession letter.

It wasn’t.

After lifting up the flap, she saw a picture of her and Dark in an embrace. She emptied out the envelope. In one hand, she held two developed photos, one on photo paper, the other on instant camera film, and a USB drive. The other held the empty envelope and a note.

…

Harada-imouto,

I snapped this picture during the heist the other day. Sorry for taking it without your permission. I didn’t think he’d pull you into a hug so quickly that it out-sped my shutter finger.

Figured you girls like memorabilia and stuff, so I printed two copies. Don’t know which one suits your fancy. And the USB has the digital file on it so you can, I dunno, slap it on a mug or some snazzy matching couple shirts. Whatever floats your boat.

If you feel uncomfortable by this, don’t. I deleted the picture from my camera, so you have the only digital copy in the world. Well, you should. And if you see it somewhere else years later, lemme know and I’ll treat you to a meal on my journalistic integrity!

Best wishes and regards,

Your favorite brown-noser

…

“Ohh, what’s that?” Ritsuko asked as she looked over Risa’s shoulder on the way to her own shoe locker. “A love letter?”

Risa grinned.

“Even better.”

#satoshi hiwatari #takeshi saehara #risa harada #DNAngel #dn angel #d.n.angel #my writing #my fanfiction

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Phantom Thieves of Hearts Club: On Our Way to Steal Yours, Dark

Chapter 3: Trick

Rating: T

Alternate reading link: AO3

Risa, you absolute madman.

“Hiwatari-kun?”

Satoshi looked up to see Daisuke hovering over him. He was packing up, slowly, to delay his trip home and avoid dealing with…whatever the hell Commissioner Hiwatari had in store for him, so he welcomed Daisuke’s conversation.

“Yes? Did you need something?”

“I um…didn’t realize you were close to Takeshi or Harada-san.”

“I’m not.”

“Well…uh…” Satoshi raised his eyebrow at Daisuke’s nervous stuttering. “I was wondering why you’ve been hanging out with them a lot lately.”

Satoshi smirked. “Scared that we’re scheming to catch Dark?”

“What?!” Daisuke’s face reddened. “No! I was just—”

“I’m joking.” Satoshi let out an exasperated sigh. “Honestly, Saehara is possessed by this idea that Risa and I like each other, so he’s been hounding us whenever he has the chance to.”

“Oh god,” Daisuke groaned. “I’m so sorry about him.”

“No need to apologize on his behalf, but I’d appreciate it if you could talk some sense into him.”

“I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll see what I can do,” Daisuke assured. “Thanks for letting me know about it, Hiwatari-kun! Have a good evening!”

Daisuke bounced out of the classroom while waving farewell. Satoshi returned it half-heartedly before resuming his task.

…Harada was right.

…

“Harada-san!”

Risa turned around and spotted Daisuke off in the distance. She escaped the throngs of students to wait for him, and they resumed their trek to school once he finally caught up.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“Nothing much,” Daisuke replied. “What about you?”

“I’m alright, but—” Risa sighed. “—can you do something about Saehara-kun?”

“Does it have something to do with you, Hiwatari-kun, and ‘the hottest take of his middle school career?’”

“Yes. Yes. Oh my god. Like, everyone knows I like Dark, so I don’t understand why he thinks I have feelings for that…”

“…that?”

“Since it’s not nice, I’d rather not finish my sentence.”

Daisuke laughed. “Well, I’ll be sure to talk to him about it since Hiwatari-kun’s getting annoyed by it, too.”

“Saehara-kun truly has a gift if he’s able to annoy Hiwatari-kun,” Risa said. “But thanks, Niwa-kun. You’re a pal.”

“Daisuke!”

“Well, speak of the devil,” Risa grumbled. “I think that’s my cue to leave. See you later, Niwa-kun!”

Risa quickened her pace and spotted Ritsuko ahead of her. She caught up to her friend to gush about the recently aired episode of that drama they were following.

…I didn’t think those idiots could actually pull it off.

…

“Hey, Takeshi,” Daisuke began as he slipped on his uwabaki, “could you stop bugging Hiwatari-kun and Harada-chan?”

“Absolutely not! Until I uncover evidence of their true feelings for each other, my journalistic integrity will march unrelentingly!”

“You’ve finally lost it.”

“Finally?” Masahiro asked as he appeared next to Daisuke. “He’s always been like this.”

“Hey!”

“Well, I don’t think I can get to him.” He patted Masahiro’s back. “He’s all yours.”

Takeshi watched Daisuke meet up with Riku before the two of them disappeared into the crowd. He then turned around to see Masahiro’s unamused expression and gulped.

“What insane take is causing you to annoy people this time?”

“Hiwatari and Harada-imouto like each other, and you cannot convince me otherwise.”

“…you know, I can actually see it.”

Takeshi blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah. And, for once, I don’t think you’re too far off on your hunch this time. It doesn’t seem like they like each other, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something there.”

“Wait, actually?”

“Yeah. So good luck with it, I suppose. And hurry up or we’re gonna be late.”

Takeshi put on his uwabaki before tagging along with Masahiro to the classroom as they talked about if they should grab snacks or hit up the arcade after school.

…Harada-imouto, you madman.

…

“Look, people are going to be suspicious if they keep seeing us together,” Risa explained. “So, we need to fake a scenario that explains why we’re interacting at all.”

“What crazy idea do you have in mind?” Takeshi asked.

“You—” Risa pointed at Takeshi. “—are convinced that me and Hiwatari-kun like each other, so you’re trying to uncover what could be the scoop of your middle school career.”

Takeshi burst out laughing at the sheer insanity of the situation. Satoshi, not as amused, just frowned.

“That won’t work.” Satoshi grumbled. “It’s reasonable for Takeshi, but it disregards your widely known affections for Dark and my lack of affection for anyone.”

“I know, but it’s actually the best excuse we’ve got,” Risa answered. “It’s so on brand with Saehara-kun that no one would question it, and the notion is so disgusting to us that our reactions towards it would be genuine. Everyone would buy it.”

Satoshi’s face crumpled in disgust. “Is this really the only idea you have?”

“Do you have any other bright ideas, mister?” Satoshi answered with silence. “That’s what I thought. Besides, I know for a fact that your fan club will willingly back off if you showed even the slightest interest towards anyone.”

“…that sounds appealing.”

“Exactly!” Risa’s eyes glistened as she put her hand in front of her. She looked at the guys. “So, are you two in or not?”

Takeshi put his hands on top of hers. The grin on his face was blinding. “Hell yeah! If this actually works, I owe you big time.”

Risa winked. “I’m holding you to that, Saehara-kun.” She then turned to Satoshi. “You in?”

He sighed. “Yes. And, on the off chance that this actually works, I’ll chip in for your treat.” Satoshi looked at their hands with a blank stare. “I’ll pass on the childish gesture, though.”

“What?!” they exclaimed simultaneously. “But—”

Satoshi was already gone.

#satoshi hiwatari #takeshi saehara #risa harada #DNAngel #d.n.angel #dn angel #my writing #my fanfiction #this trio never fails to make me chuckle

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Lift the Veil Retrospective

I can’t believe we’ve reached the end of the first arc of this behemoth! 5 years and 80,000+ words later, here we are! I’ve filled about 3 journals full (and plenty of loose scrap paper) with the rough draft and interim drafts of this. Honestly, the first time I filled up a journal in my life was when I was working on this!

The original draft started as something I had written in a frenzy during my freshman year of college that I didn’t think I would ever share. One thing led to another, and now, it’s the length of a novel. And I’m now just as old as Risa is!

I originally planned on dividing it into three arcs representing the past, the present and the future, and we’ve now finished the end of the first arc representing the past! That arc was probably the longest one, and I think both the present and future arcs together will be just as long as the first arc. I’m aiming for less than 200,000 words for this!

The present arc details Riku’s wedding, from the planning to the reception, and the tone of the story will shift a little. It’ll certainly be a lot more light-hearted, but there’s still some twists I have planned! (Maybe you’ll find a couple of hints through the first arc if you reread it!)

This is where I start to get a little personal (as per this being a retrospective), so if that isn’t your cup of tea, thank you for reading up to this point! Lift the Veil will be on hiatus for the time being since I’ve shifted gears into working on Falling, and I don’t quite know when I’ll be up to working on this again. Maybe when a close friend of mine finally gets engaged? Stay tuned!

In the original draft of Lift the Veil, I actually had Satoshi and Risa living together!

Unfortunately, I can’t find the journal housing the original draft of Lift the Veil but, to be honest, it was probably a mess. I didn’t really know what I was doing and, even though I’ve been writing long before posting this fanfiction, I certainly didn’t know how to write anything longer than a oneshot.

I’m glad I didn’t have Satoshi and Risa living together; goodness, that wouldn’t have made any sense considering the situation. And I genuinely like where I went with the story: expanding on Risa’s relationships with those around her and not just Satoshi.

Takeshi grew on me as a character as I wrote this, and he’s probably my favorite character to write with his spunk and super casual dialogue. With what time Risa spent interacting with the other characters, I genuinely loved fleshing out all of her other relationships. It made the world seem a lot more grounded in reality than pandering as shipping bait and, while there’s nothing wrong with that, I had always tried to approach Lift the Veil as a character study first before a SatoRisa fic.

Risa’s characterization is relatively straightforward, so I never had trouble with her. Her voice certainly does fit the first-person POV, and I’m glad I went with that narrative choice despite the lack of first-person fanfictions in general.

But Satoshi’s characterization? That was certainly a challenge. The direction I wanted to take with him changed while rewriting Chapter 6 or 7 and, honestly, I’m not sure how I find his character now. He feels very different from canon Satoshi that they really do feel like they are two different characters, so I understand how off putting he can be at times.

Despite that, I’m very fond of Risa and Satoshi’s growth throughout this first arc. I remember feeling just like Risa when I started writing this: alone, scared and dealing with my own baggage as a freshman in college. Then, around the time I began to upload this online, I ended up encountering my own Satoshi (!!!) who challenged my sanity, too.

It’s kind of why the updates began to dwindle after that. It was like the work I created was kind of laughing in my face.

I joke around that I manifested all of this in my life: having to face personal demons while dealing with someone in my life who drove me batshit insane just by existing there. And yet, years later, finally the same age as Risa, I find myself in that exact same place she ended up at: surrounded by friends who love me and a very close friend that I genuinely never thought I would have.

It’s kind of surreal, to be honest.

It’s also why I’m a little scared to continue working on this, too. Which is kind of why I also want to put it on hold for now.

At the end of the day, though, I learned a lot while working on this: both about writing and about myself. It’s true that they say that there’s always a part of you in everything you create, and I can see my personal flourishes stamped all over this fanfiction.

For those who got this far, thank you so much for reading this! It’s been a journey even creating this, and I’m glad to have been able to share it with you. I probably wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support. And as long as you’ve enjoyed reading this, then I’m glad to have created this!

Love you all! Stay safe, take care of yourself and I’ll hopefully catch you in my next creative endeavor!

#the muse is (un)amused #thank you everyone for your support!#i love you all!!!

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Something Old - Chapter 15: Wonderwall

Rating: T

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Alternate links for reading available in my description!

Decided to rename the first part of the Lift the Veil Series as Something Old! Hope ya’ll don’t mind too much!

And with that, this is the end of the first arc of Lift the Veil! The retrospective can be found here.

Happy early Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Chapter 15 – Wonderwall

All the roads that lead you there were winding. And all the lights that light the way are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.

…

7 PM: dining table at the Harada mansion.

My mother refused to let me help her clean up, allowing her to escape to the kitchen, strategically placing herself for prime eavesdropping out of harm’s way. My father took his usual seat at the head of the table, pouring scotch from a crystal decanter into a glass. And Riku, the instigator of this unusual dinner, was at work.

The decanter clinked as my dad set it down on the wooden table. The ice crackled as it swirled in its amber bath. From the kitchen, the running faucet roared.

I gulped.

“Would you like some?” he offered.

“No thanks.”

I squirmed under my father’s scrutiny. A heavy silence settled between us. Then my mother began to hum from the kitchen.

What did they gain by creating this unsettling atmosphere?

The doorbell rang, and I heard a familiar voice greet my mother. They exchanged pleasantries: him apologizing for not being able to make it to dinner, her reassuring him that it was no issue, before directing him to the dining room.

Hiwatari entered like a blue-haired harbinger of death. The content expression on his face disappeared once he saw me, and he slipped into a seat equally as far from both me and my father.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier,” Hiwatari apologized.

“That’s alright; this was a last minute invitation, and we understand that you’re busy,” my father coldly responded.

Hiwatari fidgeted in his seat. The silence between us was choking. From the kitchen, the faucet sounded like a roaring waterfall.

This was the plunge. And Hiwatari took it.

“Harada-san, why did you really invite me here?” Hiwatari asked.

The awkwardness he possessed moments ago gave way to an adamant expression. His voice boomed, steadfast, knowing that one sliver of weakness would spell defeat.

My father wasn’t a businessman extraordinaire for nothing.

Hiwatari’s instigation cracked my father’s steely gaze. Composure succumbed to unbridled rage.

“Was this entertaining for you?”

Confusion settled on Hiwatari’s face. “Sir, what—”

“How could you come into our lives like that after everything you did to my daughter?” His voice modulated. “Do you enjoy seeing us in pain?”

“Harada-san, please—”

“You took advantage of my daughter’s feelings and broke her heart. And you had the gall to walk into our lives after what you did, helping Riku through everything, taking advantage of our kindness, and worming your way into our family.” The fire in his voice was gone. “What are you intentions with my daughter? With us, Satoshi?”

Absolute silence. The water stopped running. I could hear my heartbeat thumping. Hiwatari opened his mouth. My breath hitched.

“…I’m sorry, sir. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to atone for that. The intentions I have with your daughter are purely platonic now, believe me, but I understand if that is not enough of a consolation.”

My father stood up, glass in hand. “Please, excuse me.”

He left the room. Hiwatari and I got up, chasing after him. We stopped in the kitchen when he went out to the patio. My father threw the drink down. The crystal shattered upon impact, its contents splaying out on the concrete, and he began to scream. I was about to go out, frenzied emotions unable to process my father’s distress, when someone grabbed my arm and stopped me.

It was my mother.

“Don’t.”

“But, Mom, he—”

“Leave him.”

She turned to Hiwatari who stood there, eyes wide, face paler than a sheet, and fists so balled up that his knuckles were white.

Oh god.

“Satoshi,” she whispered. “Satoshi.”

He couldn’t hear her. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, and he jumped.

“He’ll be alright. You should leave for now.”

“But—”

“We’ll be fine,” she reassured, patting his back. “Just go. Kazama’s waiting for you, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but—”

“Please.”

Her firm tone surprised us. Hiwatari nodded before turning to me.

“Are you coming with me?”

“No. I think I’ll stay here for a bit before I head home.”

“Alright. Take care of yourself.”

“You, too. Have a safe walk.”

He left the kitchen. Only when I heard the front door open and close did I look at my mother.

“Riku told us,” she explained, looking out towards the patio. I followed her gaze to see my father just blankly staring at the mess he made. He looked like a zombie.

“I…had a feeling.”

“…we really wanted to kill Satoshi when we found out,” she began as if speaking to no one in particular. “How hurt was my daughter for her to think the only solution to her problem was to run off to Tokyo and cut off contact with us for six years?

“I couldn’t even be happy about you going to Todai because I spent so much time worrying about you.” She laughed. “How many hours did I—did we—spend stalking your social media just to know that you were alive? And then Riku happened and—” She took a deep breath. “—it turns out the same person who helped one of my daughter’s heal was the same one who broke my other daughter to the point that she pushed us all away.”

“Mom…”

“It took me a while to see why you felt so alone. Satoshi was Riku’s friend. And how could you have trusted your parents with this if we didn’t really raise you for most of your childhood? Even though we have every right to be upset, in a way, some of this was our responsibility. You attached yourself to people who gave you the love we didn’t.”

My mother was still focused on my unresponsive father. I averted my gaze onto my faint reflection in the window. I bit my lip.

“At first, we were nice to Satoshi because he helped so much with Riku. But, at some point, he became your surrogate. To make up for the mistakes we made with you, we treated him like he was our own son.” She laughed. “I was sure your father would do something, but I think he realized just how important Satoshi is to us and just how important we are to him.”

My mother started to rub my back reassuringly. “We’re sorry for everything, but give us some time to process this, alright?”

She grabbed a bag and washcloth before heading outside to clean up the mess. My mother crouched down and wordlessly began to pick up the shards of crystal. My father bent down to help her and—

My mother started to cry. Her small frame shrank with each wail, and my father pulled her into an embrace as if he were clinging onto dear life.

It took everything in me to not break down. I moved my legs that started to feel like gelatin out of the kitchen, and I left the house by shutting the front door, gingerly, behind me.

…

I called in sick for work the next morning.

When I woke up, my body felt heavy. I couldn’t move, so I spent the morning starving in bed while watching dramas on my phone.

Around lunchtime, my phone rang. It was Takeshi.

I picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Boss, are ya doin’ alright?”

“Not really, but I’m still alive. Miraculously.”

“Better than dead, I s’pose.”

“Did Hiwatari-san come in?”

“Nope. He called in saying he was sick, too. Is there a bug going around?”

“If by bug you mean the blood-thirsty Riku who finally told my parents, then yeah.”

“…oh god.”

“Mhm.”

“Well, um, I can’t really do much for ya right now, but feel better, alright? I hope that everything works itself out for ya.”

“That’s alright. Thanks for checking up on me; I appreciate it.”

“No problem, Boss.” I clearly saw the toothy grin on his face in my mind. “I can’t be there for ya today, but lemme know if you need anything, alright?”

“Will do. Thanks again.”

We hung up. My stomach grumbled, and a pang of drowsiness washed over me.

I decided to have an afternoon nap.

…

I woke up to someone knocking at my door.

Thinking it was a solicitor, I stretched a bit before getting comfortable again. Another round of knocking ensued.

I trudged over to shoo them away, but I saw Ritsuko through the peephole. She had two bags in her hand.

“What are you doing here?” I mumbled after opening the door.

“Wow. Not even a ‘hello’ or ‘what is that’ from you?” she asked as she slipped off her shoes.

“…sorry.”

“I’m kidding.” She flashed me a smile. “Your annoying coworker told me to come by if I could. I figured something must’ve happened if he was concerned enough to reach me.”

“Riku told my parents.”

“…yeah. That warrants shitty takeout.”

She headed into the kitchen, scrounging around for plates and utensils while I lied down on the couch, watching her navigate my kitchen.

“I didn’t know what you’d want, so I got all this,” Ritsuko explained as she started emptying out the food containers. “And don’t force yourself to try to finish this is one sitting; this would probably feed a family of eight.”

“So half of it is fair game?”

She laughed. “Sure, Risa. If you insist.”

After plating everything, she started placing the food on my coffee table. I sat up, reveling in this tiny feast, as my stomach rumbled in anticipation. Ritsuko handed me a plate and chopsticks before she sat down next to me and turned on the TV.

We dug in.

“How bad was it?” she asked.

“Not as explosive as I thought it’d be. Emotionally? It feels like someone stabbed my heart with a thousand needles.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Honestly, as much as I want to, I don’t think I can find the words for it right now.”

Ritsuko rubbed my shoulder reassuringly. “Take all the time you need, Risa.”

“Thanks.”

Orchestral music swelled from my TV. We barely talked while watching whatever we had on and, when we finished our food, I helped Ritsuko clean up and put away all the leftovers.

And then I heard another knock on my door.

Looking through the peephole, I saw Hiwatari standing outside, hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do with himself. I opened the door.

“Why are you here, Hiwatari-san?” I asked.

“I heard from Takeshi that you didn’t go to work today, so I was wondering if you wanted to grab some food close by.”

“Thanks for the thought, but I just ate.”

“Hey, Hiwatari!” Ritsuko called from the kitchen.

“Oh, hello, Fukuda.” He then turned back to me. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you had company over.”

“No worries. Do you want to come inside and eat? Ritsuko brought way too much food.”

“Each bite’s gonna cost you one hundred yen,” Ritsuko joked.

“I’m sure that’s far too expensive for the quality of food you brought over,” he quipped as he let himself in.

“Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge,” I told him.

While he piled food onto his plate, Ritsuko and I talked on the sofa, catching up with each other’s lives. She just finished talking about her business ventures when Hiwatari sat down next to me.

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your time together,” he apologized.

“No worries, Hiwatari,” Ritsuko said. “We’re all friends here, aren’t we?”

“Yes, I suppose we are.”

“You’re not with Kazama-san?” I asked.

“He has dinner with the Niwas.”

“Sounds like fun,” Ritsuko chirped.

“If I want my brain to turn into mush, then yes, it sounds like a ball.”

“Maybe that might be what you need during these trying times.”

“Absolute not, Fukuda.”

She guffawed.

We just chatted while Hiwatari ate. And, when he finished, I dug out a board game for us to play. After one round, in which Ritsuko royally creamed us, she had to leave. I gave her a hug before she left.

Once the door closed, it was only me and Hiwatari.

“Want to grab dessert at Mizuame de Noisette?” he asked. “My treat.”

“I’m down.”

…

After I freshened up, we headed to my favorite café. The scene of food and warm drinks brought a smile to my face, and I couldn’t contain my giddiness when our order finally came out.

“I figured this would cheer you up, but I didn’t think it’d turn you into this.”

“Shut up, Hiwatari-san,” I pouted. “But thanks for this. Truly.”

He ordered an herbal tea (chamomile from what I could smell) and sipped it with a gentle smile on his face. “You’re welcome.”

Hiwatari joked that I looked like a hamster once I began to indulge, but he quickly relented and began to people-watch, giving me some privacy to enjoy my dessert. When I got to my last bite, I offered it to him out of courtesy, expecting him to refuse, but he ate the last forkful and nodded.

“Hm. Not bad.”

“Right? Their matcha mille crepe cake isn’t too sweet, so I figured you might like it.”

“I do. I’ll probably order it the next time I’m here.”

I tidied our table and took our dirty dishes to the bussing station. When I returned, Hiwatari had his gaze focused outside.

“Are you alright?” he asked, eyes still trained on the night’s scenery.

“Yeah” I answered, holding my warm drink in my hands. “Are you?”

“I’m about as okay as I’m going to be right now.”

“And that’s all anyone can ask for.”

He nodded before briefly looking at me. Blue eyes met mine before he lowered his gaze to his cup. A wry smile appeared on his face.

“…do you think it’s terrible that I wish they’d been violent? Punched me out? Cursed me out? Screamed bloody murder at me?”

“A little bit, yeah, but I get where you’re coming from.”

He smirked. “Glad to know I’m not going crazy.”

“You’re already just as crazy as me,” I said. “I mean, as much as I hate admitting it, I used to wish that you did hit me. Maybe it would’ve made it easier for my brain to process how toxic everything was.”

“Harada-san…”

“Sorry.” I forced a laugh. “That’s kind of a low blow, isn’t it?”

Hiwatari shook his head. “You really know how to kick a man when he’s down, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry!”

“…why does it feel like every life lesson you’ve learned is from that situation?”

“Well, it is one of the worst things that’s ever happened to me.”

“Harada-san, please spare me from my misery and just kill me now.”

“Nah. I think you deserve to simmer in that pain a little bit.”

“Good god, Harada-san.”

…

“Hey, Boss! Welcome back!” Takeshi greeted with lunch in hand. “How’re you feeling?”

“Well, I managed to get out of bed, so that’s a start,” I answered, gratefully accepting the bento. “Is Hiwatari-san still off?”

“Yeah. Formally cited emergency family reasons, but we both know that’s a lie.”

“Lucky bastard. I wish I could take the rest of the week off.”

“What’s stoppin’ ya?”

“Well,” I began, snapping off the lid of my container, “the broadcast isn’t going to run itself, there’s a lot I need to review since clearly people don’t know how to do their work, and I certainly don’t want to get caught up in yet another round of rumors again because I so happened to be off around the same time that Hiwatari-san is off.”

Takeshi whistled. “That’s, uh, a lot.”

“Yup.”

My phone began to ring. I expected it to be Riku since I had sent her a message saying we should talk, but I saw Hiwatari’s caller ID. He just saw me yesterday. What did he want from me?

“Well, speak of the devil.”

“What? Your demonic sister?”

“Nope. It’s Hiwatari-san. Excuse me.”

I picked up, trying to avoid Takeshi’s curious gaze in my peripheries. The static of the line gave way to the familiar hubbub of a restaurant. I could even hear Kazama ordering in the background.

“Hello?” I began.

“Harada-san, have you gotten in touch with your parents since that evening?”

“Nope. Why ask?”

“I messaged them, and they still haven’t replied back.”

I tried to stifle my laughter by covering my mouth with my hand. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about them. They’re probably ignoring you.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“No, I’m not,” I said. “They told me to give them some space before I left, so that’s what they’re doing: keeping their space.”

“…why the hell are you Haradas so finicky?”

“Can’t help it. We love being a pain in the ass for everyone.”

I could see him shaking his head. “Well, thank you for your time, Harada-san. Enjoy your lunch.”

“You, too!”

I hung up and ignored the excitement on Takeshi’s face when I noticed the new message on my phone. Riku answered my text, saying that she was free tomorrow evening. I quickly typed out my reply before returning to my lunch, focusing on my growling stomach instead of the pressure of Takeshi’s curiosity.

…

I hadn’t eaten all day.

Takeshi said I shouldn’t worry about my missing appetite, proposing that I was anxious because of the call I had scheduled with Riku. He did drop by my cubicle later that afternoon with a cupcake in hand from a nearby café, saying to save it for my triumphant encounter with the beast.

And when I finally got home, I sat on my sofa, unmoving, while staring at my reflection on the blank TV screen. This conversation wouldn’t spell the end of the world, but it certainly felt like it could. Riku and I had never fought like this.

Ever.

Who knew that being unable to talk to her casually would hurt so much?

So, when my ringtone echoed through my silent apartment, my stomach fell to the ground, my heartbeat quickened, and I picked up.

“Hello?”

“…hi.”

She sighed. “Oh, thank god. I thought you were going to scream at me.”

“I mean, if you want me to, I could.”

“Please don’t. You’ll blow out my eardrums.”

Silence filled our call. Even a joke couldn’t lighten the mood.

“So, are you here to bitch at me again about my terrible life decisions?” I asked.

“No—oh god, no,” she said. “Risa, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I’m calling bullshit.”

She laughed. “Okay, yeah, I do know. It’s just…a lot.”

“I know. Why else are we having this call?” I could imagine her smiling, and I felt the grin threatening to erupt on my face. “And you’re my sister. I can take ‘a lot’ for and from you.”

“But—”

“Nu-uh. Spill. You’ve got all evening to do so.”

“Well,” she began, “when Daisuke told me, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. Satoshi, your best guy friend, guy you were practically in love with, was the one who hurt you. I was livid.

“And he told Daisuke about it. Satoshi, master of secrecy, shared this secret, while you, unable to keep a secret to save your life, couldn’t even bring yourself to tell me. I was hurt. Like, did you really not trust me enough?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Risa. I probably would’ve reacted the same way even if you had told me earlier, so don’t worry about it,” she said. “Honestly, I’m still in shock about the whole thing. Why would you put yourself through so much shit just to have him back in your life? After everything he put you through, it just didn’t make any sense.”

“Well, there’s just some things that you just…deal with,” I answered. “If Hiwatari-san and I didn’t get along, it’d be hell for everyone.”

“It’s alright to be a little selfish, yanno.”

“I know, but I wanted—needed—to get through this. For me,” I said. “I didn’t want it to control my life anymore. I was tired of it.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

I had a feeling she was referring to what happened to her after I left, but I couldn’t ask. If she wanted to tell me about it, she would. And this conversation wasn’t exactly the best time to bring it up, anyway.

“You know, Risa, I can’t imagine how you felt when you were in Tokyo.”

“What do you mean?”

“You literally decided to start over; I mean, you refused to contact us for years. How could you do that?”

I shrugged. “I just had to.”

And then Riku started to cry, softly, until those sniffles turned into heaving sobs. Each whimper cut through my heart, but I bit my lip to stop myself from joining her.

“Risa, I’m so sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

“No, Riku, it’s fine. I—”

“I should’ve been there for you,” she sniffled. “Instead of leaving it to Satoshi. I should’ve known that something was wrong but I—” She continued to cry.

“Riku…”

“I just…didn’t know what to do and I—and I couldn’t contain it so—so I told our parents and—oh god. Oh god, I told our—”

“Riku, please—”

“What have I done?”

I nearly messaged Daisuke to go and comfort her, but I couldn’t. I let her cry, while holding in my own tears, waiting for her to calm down. And, when she finally did (it took someone ringing the doorbell on her end to calm her down), she just laughed.

“Why are we like this?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“We literally have to raze the whole world before we’re content.”

“It’s our stubborn Harada blood. Even Grandma’s still got it.”

“Yes, yes she does.”

I smiled at the levity in her voice.

“Well,” she said, “ as much as I’d like to continue this conversation, I’m exhausted. Do you want to grab dessert tomorrow to actually catch up?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you tomorrow then! Good night!”

“Night!”

I stared at the phone in my hand like it was something completely foreign. Its bright screen singed my eyes.

And, possessed, I sent Hiwatari a text that I had just talked to Riku and aired everything out. He called me seconds afterward. The screen with his caller ID illuminated my living room while my cheery ringtone echoed between my walls.

Why was he calling me?

I sent him to voice mail. A message popped up, in all caps, telling me to pick up. What was the urgency?

My phone rang again, and I sighed before answering.

“Hello? Is everything—”

“Are you alright?” he asked. What was that loud noise on his end?

“Yeah, I’m alri—”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me? What the—”

“Stop trying to be strong! Stop acting like your life is put together, you stubborn idiot!” I blinked, trying to hold back my tears. “Your sister tried to ruin your life! Your rocky relationship with your parents finally reached its peak! It’s okay to break down!”

“Not, it’s not!” I screamed back, trying to pace my breathing. The lump in my throat only worsened. “Life isn’t going to stop just because I need to! I need to keep going or—”

“Or what?” I heard a car honk on his end. “Harada-san, you don’t have to keep pushing yourself like this! You’ve done enough! You can slow down and relax now!”

“No, I can’t! I need to—”

“Stop acting like you’re still alone! Stop trying to carry all of your burdens by yourself, dammit!” I heard another car honk at him. He screamed an apology. “All of us are here for you, so start letting us in! Not because of the circumstances but because you want to! It’s okay to cry on someone else’s shoulder!”

“Absolutely not! I don’t—”

A loud knock on my door startled me. I got up and looked through the peephole to see Hiwatari, face flushed and slightly winded.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, panicked.

“Harada-san, just open the door.”

“No.”

“Risa, please.”

I unlocked the door. Hiwatari hung up and slipped his phone into his back pocket before running his hand through his hair. Several strands stayed upright.

Something inside of me broke.

I hurled myself at him, digging my face into his chest as I cried my guts out. I heard him close the door before he returned my embrace, rubbing my back to comfort me.

He didn’t say anything. His chin rested atop my head, and we stayed like that until I finally let go. My tears had dried out by that point, and there was a face-sized stain on Hiwatari’s sweater. My make-up rubbed off, too.

I pointed at it, and he looked down and laughed.

“There goes my favorite sweater.”

“You needed to get rid of it anyway.”

He shook his head with a smile as he leaned back against my front door. “Sounds like someone’s feeling better.”

I shot him a toothy grin before standing up. “Anyways, we should probably treat those stains before they set.”

“I thought you wanted it gone?”

“Sure, I do, but that’s not my sweater is it?”

He laughed. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

My stomach growled. And, in that moment, I just remembered that I hadn’t eaten yet. Hiwatari stared at me in concern.

“You haven’t eaten all day, have you?” he asked.

“…yeah.”

He sighed. “Harada-san, I swear…”

“Look, I wasn’t hungry today, okay? And I’ll get myself food, later, I promise, so just sit tight while I find something for you to change into.”

I retreated into my room and dug through my dresser. A lot of the casual tops I wore in college were at least two sizes too big, and I eventually found the biggest Todai sweatshirt I owned tucked away in the back of one of my drawers.

When I came out, Hiwatari was in my kitchen, arms akimbo in front of my stove. He was so focused on the pot in front of him that he didn’t notice me. And, when he did, he jumped.

“Oh god. You scared me.”

“Sorry.” I handed him the shirt. “Try this on and lemme know if it fits.”

He unfolded it and smirked. “Your style really hasn’t changed at all if you’ve still got over-sized clothes like this.”

“You are in no position to be calling me out like this right now.”

“Touché.” He gestured over to the instant ramen packets he managed to dig up. “Make sure you put them in if the water starts boiling.”

“I know,” I pouted.

Hiwatari disappeared into my room to change. He came out moments later; the shirt was a perfect fit.

“Nice swag, Todai grad,” I joked as he handed me his clothes.

He huffed in response while I started to treat the stain on his sweater. After tossing it into the washing machine, I plopped down onto the couch. Hiwatari joined me moments later with the noodles, and he handed me a bowl before we dug in.

“So, uh, what now?” I asked, blowing on my food.

He shrugged. “Up to you.”

I groaned in response.

“Movie?” he suggested.

“Nah. Let’s watch a documentary.”

Hiwatari went along with it sans his usual snark. I expected him to say something about how unfitting it was, but he wordlessly put something on while we ate.

When my washing machine beeped, signaling that his shirt had also finished drying, he took it out before heading back into my room to change. He came back out with the grey sweater on, my sweatshirt neatly folded in his hands, and he handed it to me.

“Thank you again.”

“No problem.”

“Well, I’m going to head out now,” he said. “Um…I honestly didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Really? ‘Cause I don’t know how I couldn’t have cried from that.”

Hiwatari chortled. A small smile graced his face. “Yeah. I suppose I should’ve held back a bit.”

“You think?”

We awkwardly stood by my front door, unsure of what to do with ourselves.

“You know,” I began, “I think I needed that. So, um, thanks. For talking some sense into me.”

“That’s just what friend do, Harada-san.”

I beamed. “Please, drop the ‘san.’ God. Who am I? My dad?”

Hiwatari blinked before he laughed, mirth radiating from his expression. “Alrighty then, Harada. Whatever you say.”

“Thank you, Hiwatari.”

He pulled me into a hug. “Take care of yourself, alright?”

“Mhm.”

Hiwatari let go with a gentle smile, and I opened the door for him. “Good night, Harada.”

“Good night, Hiwatari.”

…

Riku and I met up at Mizuame de Noisette. We chatted while enjoying the view and entertaining a bottle of Moscato between us. She had a danish in front of her; I had a strawberry shortcake in front of me, and we laughed while she recounted her Zurich trip.

While sharing the details of Daisuke’s embarrassing proposal, our phones rang.

It was a message from our mother.

“She says she’s planning a dinner,” Riku said.

“Does it say anything about disowning us if we don’t go?”

“Yup.”

I sighed. “The crazy lady is back.”

“Do you think Satoshi’s going to be there?”

“Absolutely.” I raised my eyebrow. “Why does that matter to you?”

“Risa, please let me sock him!”

“Um, shouldn’t I be the one socking him in this situation?”

“Yes, but you’re never going to do it.”

“I don’t see why I would need to, but why should you?”

Riku shot me a look that I had just lost my mind. She made a grand gesture meant to signify, well, everything.

“Okay, yes, I get it, but why are you asking me for my permission?”

“I felt like I needed to.”

“I do not like what you’re trying to imply here.”

“Risa, please, I’m begging you—”

I rolled my eyes. “Look, okay, I don’t care what you do, just leave me out of it, alright?”

“Thank you!” Riku sang.

She cracked her knuckles.

It was nice knowing you, Hiwatari.

…

7 PM: Harada mansion.

My parents opened the door. They pulled me into a hug, and we stood there at the entrance of the foyer like a horde of penguins braving the winter. Both Riku and Hiwatari were running late, the former still working her shift while the latter was held back, working overtime on an important case. Honestly, I just wanted them to get here ASAP so I could see them duke it out.

I bet one thousand yen that Riku would obliterate him.

Daisuke arrived shortly after me, greeting our (?) parents before giving me a hug. We then sat down in the living room.

“Are you excited for later?” Daisuke asked.

“Of course! Who do you think is gonna win?”

“Riku. Hands down,” he replied with no hesitation. “Satoshi stands no chance.”

We laughed.

“Is your family coming?” I asked.

“Of course.” Daisuke rolled his eyes. “My mom found out, so she’s planned a stern lecture for him later. My dad found out about what my mom’s doing, so he’s tagging along to make sure she doesn’t get carried away. Grandpa claims he’s coming for the show, but you know he’s just waiting for just the right moment to deliver his own blow. And then Argentine and Towa overheard them talking about it at the table, so they insisted that ‘Satoshi-sama’ needed a lesson on how a gentleman should treat a lady.”

“Would you like some popcorn for tonight’s festivities?”

“Yes, please!”

The doorbell rang, again, and I opened the door to see the Niwa family in all their chaotic glory. Emiko greeted me with kisses before skipping off the kitchen. Her uncontainable, middle-aged energy collided with my mom’s uncontainable, middle-aged energy, and they were so loud that you could probably hear them at the station on the other side of town.

Grandpa Daiki gave me a knowing smile before joining Daisuke in the living room. My dad came by, drinks in hand that his guests accepted, before he sat with them and they began chatting away.

And Kosuke stood there, smiling that kind smile that I came to hate in Vienna.

“How does it feel like to be on the other side of everything?” he asked.

I blinked. Kosuke laughed.

“Well,” I answered, “I wish I didn’t have to go through it, but it feels great. Like a weight’s been lifted.”

He nodded, content with my answer, before joining the group in the living room. Argentine and Towa bounced up to me, pulling me into a tight group hug before letting go, concern pooling in their eyes.

“Are you alright?” Argentine asked.

“Mhm.”

Towa huffed. “I can’t believe Satoshi-sama did that! How rude!”

“Well—”

“Honestly, Risa-sama, he doesn’t deserve your apologies,” Argentine continued.

“The only thing he deserves is a good wallop!” Towa chirped.

The doorbell rang. And, lo and behold, it was the man of the hour. Argentine and Towa, bubbly moments ago, turned silent. The atmosphere that began to sour muted Hiwatari’s greeting, and I escaped to the kitchen to grab some popcorn and watch the first pickings from a distance. Daisuke joined me.

We watched the shenanigans unfold beautifully. Towa and Argentine eventually turned into their animal forms; the former perched on Hiwatari’s head while the latter crawled under his clothes, lecturing him about manners.

“Well, they’re going at it.”

Daisuke and I broke free from our fit of laughter to see Riku. She held a goblet of red wine while looking at the scene with a smirk.

“But this is only the beginning.”

…

My sides were sore from all the laughing. The whole evening turned into a roasting session exclusively for Satoshi. And Towa recorded the whole thing.

After everyone calmed down, the Niwas had to leave but promised to return soon to actually catch up with my family. Everyone aahed at the quick kiss Daisuke gave Riku and then the Niwas were gone.

Riku and I began to tidy up while my parents went outside to talk to Hiwatari. I kept glancing at them through the window, monitoring the situation in case—

Riku smacked me in the face with a wet dish rag.

“Ever heard of the concept of privacy?”

“Yes, but—”

“Nu-uh. Not hearing it!” Riku exclaimed before shooing me out of the kitchen. “Just give them some time, alright?”

“What about cleaning up?”

“I can manage myself.” Her face lit up. “Oh, you should totally check out what Mom did with your room!”

Following Riku’s suggestion, I headed upstairs to see the renovation. Gone were the dollhouse-pink walls and the wooly white carpet. In their stead were light gray walls, sporting a slight hue of blue, and wooden floors waxed to reflection. My mom replaced the furniture I used in my childhood with sleek, modern pieces; she transformed the space into one of those aesthetic rooms found in an interior design magazine.

Out with the old, in with new.

I sat down on the faux fur rug, reminiscent of the room’s original flooring and looked up at the ceiling.

It was still the same view.

Someone knocked on the door. I looked over to see Hiwatari leaning against the threshold.

“Shouldn’t you be downstairs helping Riku clean?”

“Nope. She kicked me out,” I said. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs helping out like a good guest?”

“They kicked me out, too.”

“Ah.” I patted the empty space next to me on the rug. “Welcome to the Reject’s Club.”

Hiwatari sat down next to me. He leaned back, stretching his arms behind him as he put his weight on his hands, straightening his legs out before him. I curled into a fetal position, resting my chin on my knees.

“How was your evening?” I asked him.

He groaned, and the strange funk that surrounded him dissipated. “Awful. I’m emotionally wounded, and I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to recover.”

I giggled. “Stop being such a baby about it.”

Hiwatari pouted, and I snorted. He laughed at me, his grin so wide that I was sure it hurt, eyes so upturned in joy that I wondered how he could still see, that I felt my expression match his. We eventually calmed down, sighing in content.

He looked at the balcony. I followed his gaze. There was nothing there. Only our faint reflections on the sliding door were staring back at us.

“How was your talk with my parents?” I asked him.

Hiwatari hummed in response. I didn’t expect him to answer. But I also didn’t expect the words that followed.

“Did you ever think this would happen?” he gently asked.

“Never. I thought this would stay locked up in the back of mind for the rest of my life.” I looked over at him. He had a wistful look in his eye. “Did you?”

“No. I had resigned myself to thinking that I would never see you again.”

“And yet, here we are, sitting on the floor of my room, chilling out as if none of that ever happened.”

“Wack.”

I laughed at his uncharacteristic response. He just smirked.

Proud bastard.

“Honestly, I still can’t believe that this is happening,” he admitted. “And I didn’t realize just how much I missed this until now.”

I felt a pang in my heart as all the times I spent with Hiwatari flashed through my mind. Memories that were once bittersweet became nostalgic; I could finally look back on them with fondness instead of pain.

Perhaps, eventually, there will come a day when I could comfortably share this intimate feeling with Hiwatari, but today was not that day. This conversation was becoming far too cheesy for me to stomach, and I couldn’t hold in my sarcastic streak anymore.

Sorry to ruin this, Hiwatari.

“Aw. Look at you getting all emotional!”

Hiwatari balked. “Harada, I’m being genuine here. Did you really have to insert your sarcasm now?”

“I’m sorry, but this whole thing’s just so corny!”

“Oh my god, this girl.”

Maybe it didn’t seem like much: Hiwatari and I bantering in what used to be my room. But, to me, this meant the world. Somehow, despite everything that happened, we were able to fall into step again.

And, with that seemingly menial evening, I was finally able to flip the pages of my life again.

—ARC 1 END—

#satorisa #dnangel #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #d.n.angel #dn angel #my fanfiction #my writing #lift the veil

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Hello, hello!

I’ve finished typing up the last chapter of the first arc of Lift the Veil! I just have a couple of edits to do, and it should be out by this week! (With another update for Phantom Thieves and Falling on the way as well!)

For those who follow Lift the Veil, I was wondering if you’d like to read a retrospective for the 5 years I’ve spent working on it! It won’t be anything fancy, but it’ll be a nice way to hear my thoughts on the writing process for it and what I’m planning to do with the story looking forward. Lemme know either in a reply or a dm if you’re interested!

Thank you again for all the support for the past several years and for your continued support in the future!

#the muse is (un)amused #lift the veil #satorisa #i think i'm still going to write it regardless of interest #but i just wanted to see if that's something that anyone would want to read lol

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Falling: Chapter 1 - In which the Hug is Finally Acknowledged

Rating: T

Summary: "I wanna forget all this burden in my past."

Alternate Reading: AO3

Lift the Veil? I don’t know her.

D.N.Angel ending? I don’t know her.

But that hug? Lives, rent free in my mind, man.

Warning: Spoilers for the DNAngel ending abound.

After Dark disappeared, the hours continued to flow as if the incident had never occurred. Satoshi brought Risa home that evening before he visited the Niwa household to brainstorm a story for Commissioner Hiwatari’s disappearance. Daisuke slept next to him that night and, while comforted by his friend’s rhythmic breathing and familiar warmth, Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

Commissioner Hiwatari was declared missing the next day, and Inspector Saehara decided to take Satoshi in for the time being. He moved into the Saehara household that same evening, everything he owned packed in a duffel bag weighing on his shoulder, and Takeshi showed him around the house.

Satoshi met Mama Saehara through a video call that same evening. She worked as a fashion designer, and her job had flung her off to Paris this time. He quite liked her.

After they hung up, he had a warm dinner with Takeshi and Inspector Saehara. It was leftovers from last night, but he enjoyed the food nonetheless.

That night, Satoshi slept next to Takeshi, who snored in his ear while either kicking him or rolling on him. Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

He went shopping with the Saeharas the next day. They bought a bunk bed, a desk, and whatever else they thought that Satoshi would need. After that, the days fell back into their familiar rhythm as if the incident had never occurred.

Satoshi slept in the top bed for privacy. Takeshi took the bottom bed since he didn’t quite care. Their desks sat side by side in front of the window: Takeshi’s impeccably spotless and Satoshi’s covered in manila folders and schoolwork.

Everyday, Satoshi woke up, went to school, and attended the art club that Daisuke finally convinced him to join. On some evenings, Inspector Saehara would ask him for help on a case, and they always headed home after work with fried chicken for dinner. For the most part though, Satoshi spent his time after school with Daisuke and Takeshi.

Then Riku moved away.

Risa began to hang out with Daisuke and Takeshi just as much as she hung out with Ritsuko and the other girls, but she still maintained the same distance she had with Satoshi prior to the incident. She’d greet him, cordial and courteous, and she’d smile and laugh with the boys, just like him, but that was the extent of their relationship: friends of friends.

And that was how Satoshi’s second year in middle school came to an end.

…

The last of the art club members finally left. They were a group of giggling girls who clearly only joined to get closer to Satoshi but, after realizing that he wouldn’t pay any attention to them yet again, they decided to call it a day.

Satoshi sighed in relief when the door closed behind them and ran his hand through his hair. Daisuke, president of the art club, laughed at the strands that were sticking up.

“How long are you going to let them stay here?” Satoshi asked, watching the group walk and giggle down below.

“They’ll get tired eventually.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Just wait. They’ll eventually realize how boring you are and set their eyes on someone else.”

Satoshi shot Daisuke a look. He laughed before slipping off his stool.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“My painting.”

Daisuke, eyes shining with curiosity, scurried over to Satoshi’s canvas. His jaw slacked.

Before him was the familiar visage of Dark outlined in pencil. The sharp angle of his eyes, his chiseled features, his charismatic smile, and his dark hair flowing around him: everything was detailed to utmost perfection.

“Oh my god.”

“How is it?”

“It looks just like him.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Daisuke nodded, awestruck, but that eventually gave way to a darker expression on his face. “…why are you doing this, though?”

Satoshi shrugged. “I don’t know. Still life practice got boring, so I decided to try doing something different.”

“You could have done something else besides starting on a portrait of Dark.”

“I know, but this is what I ended up making.”

“…are you okay?”

“That’s a rhetorical question.”

Daisuke sighed. “It’s just—we’re worried about you, Satoshi. We don’t want you to hurt yourself, you know? If you’re not ready to face it, you don’t have to.”

“What? Would a portrait of my father have been better?”

“No, Satoshi, I—”

“Sorry,” Satoshi said before getting off his stool. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” At the entrance, he turned around to face Daisuke. “But when the hell am I going to ever be ready?”

…

The sun began to set, casting its golden hue on the busts and wooden stands by the wall. Since Inspector Saehara didn’t need his help that evening, Satoshi stayed after the club meeting to work on his painting. A palette full of varying hues of purple floated gracefully in his left hand while a worn brush sat precariously in his right, waiting to lay down another thoughtful stroke.

The door opened.

“Hello, Hiwatari-kun!”

He tore his eyes away from the canvas to see Risa standing there. She no longer had her customary pink ribbon tying her hair up; her dark locks cascaded down just like Riku’s. If she trimmed some off, she’d be the spitting image of her sister.

Perhaps that was why she changed her hairstyle.

“Are you heading home soon?”

He glanced at his watch: 6:04 PM.

“Maybe.” Satoshi noted the bag slung over her shoulder. “I’m assuming you’re on your way back?”

“Yeah.” She frowned. “Saehara-kun kept us all late today because our monthly issue is coming out. What a workaholic.”

Satoshi smirked. “Like father, like son.”

“His dad’s just like that?”

“Absolutely. His mom’s the same way, too, so it probably runs in the family.”

Risa giggled. The door opened again, and it was the man of the hour himself. He pouted.

“I’m not as bad as my parents.”

“Sure,” Satoshi sarcastically drawled.

Takeshi just shook his head. “Whatever, bro. You headin’ back soon?”

“Maybe. Don’t wait for me if you need to head out.”

“Nah. I kinda want to hit up the arcade for a bit before we go grocery shopping.”

“Can we drop by the bookstore, too? I need to grab a couple of things.”

“Yeah. I think I need some stuff from there, too.” Takeshi then turned to Risa. “You wanna stick around with us, then? No hard feelings if you need to jet, though.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to stay out too late and worry my parents.” She waved with a smile. “I’ll see you two tomorrow then. Bye!”

Risa skipped out of the room while Takeshi walked over to examine Satoshi’s painting. He whistled.

“Yanno, you’re a little too talented for someone who doesn’t like painting.”

“Shut up. You know how I feel about it.”

“And yet you joined the art club.”

“I have to start somewhere with that positive reassociation and all.”

“And how’s that goin’ for ya?”

“Terrible. I’m hating every second of it.”

“Well, uh, nobody asked you to make a painting of that Dark Mousy fellow, yanno?”

“Couldn’t help it. His handsome face kept bothering me.”

…

Mama Saehara popped up on his phone screen with the Parisian skyline behind her.

“Good evening, Satoshi.”

“Good morning, Saehara-san.”

“No need to be so formal with me! Please, call me Mama.”

“I’d rather not.”

She laughed. “Alrighty, hun. How’re you doing?”

“I’m alright.”

“And the therapy? Have you decided to go?”

“No. I don’t think I can.”

“That’s alright. You’re doing alright. No need to push yourself if you’re not ready.” She sighed. “I just need this project to finish and then I’ll take the first flight I can back to Japan. Just wait for me, okay?”

“No need to rush. Take all the time you need.”

“Oh honey, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t know if I trust those buffoons to take care of you. Speaking of them, how are they treating you?”

“They’re very nice. I like living here, Saehara-san. Thank you for taking me in.”

“I’m glad, Satoshi. And you’re very welcome! It’s the least we could do, truly.”

Her phone rang. Mama Saehara answered before launching into a furious tirade of French. After she hung up, she sighed and began to massage her temples.

“Sorry to cut this call short, but there’s an emergency. I’ll call again as soon as I can. Toodles!”

“Bye. Have a nice day.”

Satoshi saw himself reflected on his phone screen, and he took out his earbuds before leaving the room. He went downstairs to see Inspector Saehara at the table, can of beer open in front of him, while Takeshi began plating the food.

“How’s Ma?” Takeshi asked.

“Alright. Busy,” Satoshi answered. He grabbed some plates and bowls from the cabinets.

“Sound about right,” Takeshi said. “And you?”

“Hm?”

“How’re you?”

“Alright. Tired.”

Takeshi smirked. “Who isn’t?”

He patted Satoshi’s back before putting the plates full of table and hounding his dad about drinking: just another meal at the Saehara household.

Satoshi smiled as he began to set the table.

…

After the club meeting, Satoshi stayed behind to work on his painting, unrestrained by a request from Inspector Saehara. He mindlessly toiled away until the door opened.

“Hi, Hiwatari-kun!”

Risa’s voice broke his focus. Golden hour had passed and the blue hour settled in, dying the room a muted blue. Even Risa, despite her chipper demeanor, seamlessly blended in with the mood.

“Hey, Harada. Did the newspaper club meeting just finish?”

“Nope. It ended a while ago, but I stayed back to wrap something up.”

“So Takeshi’s already gone?”

“Yeah. I think he went to the arcade with a couple of our club members for some bonding time.”

“Ah.”

Risa swayed her head. “Are you heading home soon?”

“Yeah. Let me tidy up here, and I’ll leave with you.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

Satoshi covered his painting with a tarp before leaving the room to clean his brushes and palette. He returned to see Risa on a stool, watching something on her phone. She laughed until she noticed he had returned, and she paused her video before offering a weak wave and smile.

Satoshi grabbed his bag. “You ready to head out?”

“Yup!”

She hopped off the stool. Satoshi closed the door behind them before they walked to the faculty office. He bowed before entering, leaving the keys to the art room with the frazzled student-teacher, and bowed after leaving. Risa trailed behind him uncharacteristically calm and quiet the whole time.

When they got to the shoe lockers, Risa finally broke her silence.

“Hiwatari-kun,” she began as he took off his slippers, “did you know him?”

“Know who?”

“The person I was waiting for that day at the lamppost.”

“It took you this long to ask me about that?”

Risa giggled. “Sorry. I couldn’t find a good time to bring it up.”

“Really? I thought you’d do it by screaming at me about hugging you and overstepping boundaries.”

Risa giggled again. Satoshi raised his eyebrow as he slipped on his shoes. “I was thinking about it, but I thought it’d be too rude to. After all, you appeared when I needed someone the most. Thank you for that.”

“I had a snarky reply to that but, since you’re being genuine, I’ll keep it to myself.”

They reconvened at the entrance. Risa’s smile looked more genuine that the one she had earlier.

Good.

“So, why bring it up now?” Satoshi asked as they began walking out.

“I tried to forget about it. Why should I stay hung up over someone I don’t remember? But, well, long story short, I couldn’t. I want to know who he was.”

They stopped at an intersection. Cars rushed by while commuters joined them, preoccupied with their own lives. Satoshi focused on the red light of the crosswalk, trying not to look at Risa’s expression.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Of course I do! Why else would I be asking you about him?”

“And what if I tell you that it might be overwhelming?”

“So? I’d still want to know!”

“Even if it’ll make you cry?”

“Of course! I don’t want to just forget about him!”

Satoshi sighed. The light at the crosswalk turned green, and they began to move. Risa’s head bobbed with each step, and Satoshi focused on the sidewalk to avoid looking at her.

“Harada, I’d rather not see you cry,” he said. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Okay then. I’ll try not to cry.”

“You? Who displays your emotions for the whole world to see? Forget it.”

Risa grabbed his arm, and he turned around. She forced him to look at her. He saw the determination in her eyes, burning just as much as it did when she was chasing Dark mere months ago.

“Hiwatari-kun, please.”

How could he say no to her?

“Alright. Fine. Just give me some time, okay?”

He brushed off her arm, frustrated by her stubbornness. But he saw the softness in her expression when he yielded, and he etched it in his memory.

#DNAngel #satorisa #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #takeshi saehara #daisuke niwa #dn angel #d.n.angel #My writing #my fanfiction #falling #this was a long time coming but i can't believe it took the end of the series for me to finally write it

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