Not now but maybe one day.

Maybe one day I'll write about flower bouquets drying upside down on my bedroom walls, talk about a love so boundless its louder than my darkest past.

The true “boys will be boys” is when all FOUR of you managed to forget your keys and phones and it’s freezing outside and the best solution you and your friends (Ivy League graduates, may I add) could come up with was launching yourself off the roof ledge to break into your own apartment

i am a perfectly nonchalant person. except on days where i crave love. then i choke up and go insane and begin howling at the moon

call me stupid, ugly, worthless

ive heard it all before

but god, never

never call me beautiful

i wont know what to do with that

I need to be alone for a few hours every day, otherwise I start to spiral. but if I'm alone for too long, I also start to spiral. pretty easy, right?

Having someone who writes you mails>>>>

There are times when grief visits me in the middle of the night, when I'm on my way back home. And then it shatters me.

But again, I can feel it lingering long before I see it, on days when I need a chest to lie upon, or on days when my hands search for sweets to sneak under the table.

The only difference is, there is no one under the table. And you're gone.

I'll always regret not telling you I'll be back sooner.

the way somebody comes back but only in a dream

1.)Hannah Lock, Not Quite Here / 2.)Wendell Berry, “A Meeting” / 3.)Euripides, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, tr. Anne Carson / 4.)Leila Chatti, “I Dreamed I Forgot” / 5.)Anna Akhmatova, Poem Without A Hero and Selected Poems, tr. Lenore Mayhew & William Mcnaughton / 6.)John Berger, A Seventh Man / 7.)Euripides, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, tr. Anne Carson / 8.)Xie Lei, Blow / 9.)Frank Bidart, “Light” / 10.)Li Qingzhao, “Tune: Pertridge Sky,” tr. Jiaosheng Wang / 11.)The Dog Island. Ubisoft, 2007 / 12.)Elisa Gonzalez, “After My Brother’s Death, I Reflect on the Iliad” / 13.)Ōtomo No Yakamochi, Written on the Sky; Poems from the Japanese, tr. Kenneth Rexroth / 14.)@/solavey, indigo / 15.)Louise Glück, 12.6.71

from my sub stack blog post

Susan Abulhawa, from Against the Loveless World: A Novel

[Text ID: “I wanted to be chosen, maybe loved. I wanted out of my life, out of my skin,”]

And I don’t want to be one. Not this once.

one thing about me i’m the leaver. i will leave

yes girl you are so [if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more] [hands are unbearably beautiful] [i'll take care of you it's rotten work not to me not if it's you] [if you are intolerable let me be the one to tolerate you] [i could recognise him by touch alone] [i love you i want us both to eat well] [on purpose i love you on purpose] [whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same] [i am half agony half hope] [you have bewitched me body and soul and i love love love you] [he is half of my soul as the poets say] [i'm sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for but i'm so lonely] [i love you most ardently] [let me stay tender hearted despite despite despite] [someone has to leave first this is a very old story there is no other version of this story] [mostly i want to be kind] [tell me how all this and love too will ruin us] [you said i killed you haunt me then] [someone somewhere can you understand me a little love me a little] [i will love you as misfortune loves orphans as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong] [sorry about the blood in your mouth i wish it was mine] [who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me] can we kiss now

I miss her. Everyday.

some days I think I have nothing in common with my younger self, and then I remember some of her dreams are still my dreams

the hierarchy of compliments goes like this:

drunk girls in the bathroom complimenting your outfit

little kids complimenting literally anything about u

little old ladies at the checkout till

librarians on your reading choices

“I disappeared into books when I was very young, disappeared into them like someone running into the woods.”

— Rebecca Solnit (via asktheangels)

I’m so into my head rn period where are you

Thinking about how i had weird risky sex last night and then watched a black widow pick up a bug and spin it into its web like 15 minutes later. which to me? Means something

it’s cool it’s fine just casually freaking out over a pregnancy scare no problems feel fine about it