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russobaby · 1 year

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Blood Is Thicker

Pairing: Vampire!Aleksander M & Vampire!Billy R & Vampire!Logan D x Fem!Reader

Summary: As Aleksander’s lover, you’re always eager to meet with the two other members of his rather unconventional coven.

Warnings [18+]: smut (everything in this fic has been discussed and consented to beforehand), the boys call each other brother but they are in no way related, biting, reader’s blood is consumed a lot, typical vampire vibes, soft dom!Aleksander, oral (fem receiving), fingering, foursome kinda, pain kink, praise kink, bondage, knife kink, hint of subspace, minor blood kink? reference to somnophilia, soft aftercare

(That is most definitely the longest warnings list I have ever made, and I’m kinda impressed by it)

A/N: this is my ‘official’ halloween fic, so happy Halloween and I hope you guys enjoy this (I’ve tagged a lot of people in this since it includes the majority of my character scope atm, please don’t feel the need to interact if the content in this isn’t for you)

My Masterlist

“There’s our little buffet,” Billy remarks as you enter the room, hand in hand with Aleksander. As always, Billy’s words have your stomach flipping in anticipation, and your cheeks warm as the duo lay their eyes on you.

“Hi Billy.” You say shyly, before glancing over at the figure leaning against the mantelpiece and giving him a small nod. “Logan.”

Aleksander’s mother was a particularly powerful witch, who hadn’t wanted her son to go through eternity alone. Using magic unknown to any of you, she had managed to locate her son’s doppelgängers.

Billy had been a soldier fighting in the civil war, charming every lady he came across and delighting in the violence he was allowed in the name of his cause. Logan had been her most recent find, a party-loving socialite from 1920s New York, disowned by his family for his wild nature.

Aleksander's doppelgängers both had vampire blood in them, meaning that they were originally human, but once they reached maturity - around the age of thirty Aleksander had explained to you - they grew into their vampire tendencies.

Despite their differences, the three of them are almost always of the same mind, especially when it comes to you. You had been surprised that Aleksander had shown any interest in you when you first met. The fact that his brothers were also enamored by you was even more of a surprise. Whilst their features are nearly identical, their mannerisms and appearances make it easy to tell them all apart.

They might all be the same height, but Aleksander seems the tallest. Perhaps because he’s the oldest. He’s the mature brother, solid and dependable. Serious, but he has the natural ease of someone who has lived through centuries. Aleksander has the confidence of someone who knows himself.

Billy holds himself straight, like a soldier, but his muscles are lean and poised, making him look the most agile of the three. His hair is always slicked back, not a strand out of place. Out of all of them, Billy is the one who puts the most thought into his appearance. Every cautionary tale that warns you about the seduction of vampires is proven right by Billy Russo.

Logan appears the most relaxed. Hair always ruffled, and clothing askew, he’s lively and up for absolutely anything. Whilst his cocky attitude might have some people believing the worst of him, Logan is still getting a grasp on the events of the last century or so. He’s eager for everything his new life can give him.

Aleksander narrows his eyes slightly as Logan takes a drink of whatever liquid sits in the crystal glass in his hand. By the scent alone, Aleksander will have identified whatever expensive vintage the younger vampire has brought up from the cellar. Even with his new taste for blood, it appears Logan hasn’t loss his love of alcohol.

“Pretty dress, darlin.” Billy says lowly as he stands up from the armchair next to the fireplace. The firelight flickers over his features as he buttons up the front of his suit jacket. The three of them fix their attention on you, no doubt imagining how your dress will be in tatters before long. Your thighs shift against one another and Billy smirks.

Logan hums his approval as his face dips down into the general vicinity of your throat, inhaling deeply.

“And you smell fucking delicious, sweet thing.”

Billy’s smirk darkens as he remarks teasingly,

“Hope you’ve been taking all your vitamins lately, gotta keep that sweet blood healthy and all.” Aleksander’s arm curls firmly around your waist, pulling you back against his chest.

“Of course she has. Moya milaya is as good a girl as they come.”

Logan grins, taking another drink before he responds,

“Don’t we know it.”

Blood flushes to your cheeks, and the two of them shift slightly. You can see Billy’s shoulders lifting as he inhales the scent of your blush, and Logan grips tightly onto his glass. Aleksander smiles as he nuzzles his face against your cheek, and you can feel his pride at you being able to pull such a reaction from them both.

“Now if you’ll excuse us, gentlemen. We have a table to set.” Both of their eyes darken at the prospect of dinner, and you suppress the urge to bite your lip. Billy catches your gaze, and the corner of his mouth lifts,

“See you soon, darlin.”

Aleksander very rarely uses the dining hall. During mealtimes the two of you prefer to use whatever small table you can find in whichever room you are in at the time. There is a countless number to choose from, as Aleksander’s mansion verges into castle status in your opinion.

A crisp white tablecloth has been thrown over the length of the long narrow table, covering the dark wood beneath it. It’s only once you reach the end of the table that you let go of Aleksander’s hand and sit down on the edge of the fabric clad wood.

Aleksander steps to one side of the room, opening the drawer of a cabinet and pulling out a bundle of thick black ribbon. Once he returns to you, he stands between your parted legs, the ribbon discarded onto the table in favour of cupping your face in his hands.

“You’re certain about this?” He asks in a low voice, and you nod.

“We’ve done this before.” You remind him.

Last year had been the first time the three brothers had shared you, and you were excited to do it again despite the tingle of nerves in your stomach. He nods faintly as he brushes his nose over your cheek.

“Regardless. If you want to stop, at any point, you need only say the word. None of us wish to force you into anything.”

“I know.” You assure him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’d tell you to stop, I promise.”

At the sound of your promise, he pulls back and warmth floods down your body at the sight of him towering over you. The ribbon curls elegantly around his fingers as he surveys your reaction.

“Just like we practiced?” He prompts, and you nod eagerly.

With a gentle nudge, Aleksander guides you into lying down with your back flush against the table.

He wraps the ribbon around your calf, before bending your knee to fold your leg up. He allows a little slack as he ties it to your thigh, the dark fabric feeling both soft and firm at the same time. He loops another piece around your folded limb, tightening it, before he reaches down to the table leg and ties the end of the ribbon to the furniture.

He does the same to your other leg. With his heightened sense of smell, Aleksander is constantly aware of your blood flow, and ensures that none of his bindings restrict your circulation in any way. This wasn’t the first time you had been tied up by him, but you hadn’t been tied up the previous time you spent the night with the three vampire brothers. You had got the idea from an illustration in a book you had found in Aleksander’s study, detailing the ritual feeding of a coven.

Once both of your legs are bound, your heels planted on the tablecloth, with legs folded and spread open, you attempt to test the ribbon. Aleksander’s knots are always perfect, and you fail to do anything other than shift your hips slightly. You can't close your legs, the only movement you're allowed is to stretch them even further open.

“Comfortable?” You hum and nod. “Good girl.” He praises, pressing a kiss to your thigh which has you squirming against the hold of the ribbon. “Arms as well?”

His eyes darken at the sight of you, a pretty eager thing, half bound already, offering your wrists up to him. He can smell the blood pounding under your skin, and he leans forward to press his lips against the pulse point in each of your wrists. The scent of your arousal thickens in the air, and he growls lowly.

“So beautiful.” He whispers, wrapping more ribbon around your wrist and tying the end down to another table leg.

His eyes meet yours, and the monster howls inside him at the demure look in your eyes as you wait for him to corrupt you. Aleksander kisses you hungrily, his mouth hot and wet as he plunges his tongue between your lips. With your free hand you grasp onto a fistful of his hair, urging him closer, and relishing in the final movement you will be allowed for tonight.

His fingers curl firmly around your wrist, as his teeth graze over your lower lip in warning. You shiver as his hold tightens on you. The look you give him is so adoring he almost wonders if his control had somehow slipped, compelling you into loving him so much even with his fingers digging into your soft skin.

Aleksander presses a tender kiss to your wrist, and binds it in the same manner as the other before tying it down to another table leg.

Arms and legs spread wide, the skirt of your dress has ridden up, revealing your lack of underwear. You had picked out a pretty flowing dress of a very light pink with a short skirt that almost looked like a night dress. Not usually your style but the thought of looking so innocent while these vampires debauched you was far too appealing.

Aleksander kisses you again, deeply, and you can do nothing but accept his kiss with your entire body bound and helpless to resist him.

When he pulls away his eyes are alive with delight as he watches your chest heave in an attempt to gain back the air he had stolen from you. He steps away to pull at one of the bell strings, the one that will ring in the parlour where Billy and Logan are waiting.

Anticipation tingles over your skin, and the heat of your bare pussy burns, slick with need.

The door opens, and the two brothers pause as they enter. You can lift your head up to see them, but it puts a strain on your neck. Billy smirks darkly once he sees you, and Logan’s face breaks into a delighted grin.

“Youngest goes first.” He states eagerly and Billy turns to him with an offended frown.

“Since when?”

“Since always.”

Billy looks as if he’s about to argue, until Aleksander’s voice cuts between them both decidedly with a pointed reminder.

“We have all night.”

Aleksander pulls a chair out and sits down, resting his forearms on the table beside your head. He brushes a stray hair from your face tenderly, and your eyes flutter closed.

Billy selects a sharp, thin knife from the assortment of cutlery at the side of the room, before he sits down on your right-hand side, directly opposite Aleksander. Which leaves the head of the table for Logan, and he grins as he takes the seat that gives a perfect view of the mess between your thighs.

The three vampires exchange several looks between themselves, and you can't read any of their expressions, even as they appear to come to some sort of decision. Aleksander takes hold of your chin, his mouth meeting yours as you hear Billy and Logan moving. A pair of hands grasp at your hips as Logan leans over you, and Billy tugs on your clothed nipples. You whine into Aleksander's mouth as the onslaught of sensations threaten to consume you.

There's a tearing sound and your skin tingles with a burning warmth. Then the chill of the air meets your flushed skin, and you realise your dress has been torn completely from your body. There's a dark glint in Aleksander's eyes and the corner of his mouth quirks lightly as he releases your chin.

Cold metal brushes over your rib cage, and you turn to look at Billy with wide eyes.

Aleksander's rules had been created for your own safety, and to curb his protective nature. Only Aleksander was allowed to bite you. The other two could drink from you through less intimate means, such as sucking from shallow cuts. Aleksander was the only one allowed to kiss your lips or touch your neck. Aside from those areas, your body is theirs to enjoy.

You nod when Billy raises a questioning brow at you, and his smirk widens as he presses the knife against your skin. Pain blooms from the cut, in the form of a sharp sting that has you inhaling sharply. At that moment, Logan leans forward and licks a harsh stripe over your pussy. The edge of his tongue catches over your clit, and you cry out as Billy sucks at the blood blooming from your side. All the while, Aleksander watches you succumb to pleasure, occasionally gifting you soft kisses of encouragement.

Out of the three of them, Logan's facial hair is the longest, and it scraps against your skin as he mouths at your pussy. With Aleksander's expert binding, you can do nothing but sink into whatever pleasure he can grant you.

Billy removes his lips from your skin, allowing blood to trail from the cut. He smooths his hand over your side, and you breathe out a startled sigh at the jolt of pain. Then he's grasping at your breasts, his fingers sticky and red with your blood. You moan loudly, your heart pounding wildly in your chest as Logan curls his tongue, pushing it inside you to lap at your wetness.

Aleksander nuzzles his nose against your neck, pressing a kiss to the spot underneath your ear that has you shuddering. Your hands curl into fists, nails biting into your palms.

“I know you're close, milaya. Let go for us.” He murmurs. Tilting your head back, you hit your climax hard, spilling onto Logan's tongue with a cry. He continues to lap at the mess between your thighs, moving further away from your clit as you whine at the sensitivity.

Aleksander seizes a fistful of your hair, and you tip your head aside, bearing the length your neck to him. He mouths a series of kisses over your skin.

When Logan lifts his head up, you can see the smirk on his face, the lower half shimmering wet with your slick.

“Wanna switch?” Billy asks his brother, to which Logan shrugs with an easy grin,

“Sure.”

They swap places, and soon Billy's dark eyes are staring down at you from between your legs. Logan's lips are still sticky from your pussy as he presses a line of kisses from the cut on your side up to your breasts. Billy spends a moment tracing the handle of the knife through your soaked folds. You gasp at the sting of cold metal against your hot pussy. He spins the knife expertly in his hand, and you clench around nothing at his casual display of control.

He pushes the blade against your thigh, creating a small nick for him to drink from, before he hands the knife to Logan. Your stomach flips at the seamless way they communicate with one another - without any words.

You barely feel any pain from your thigh, and shudder at the sight of a dark red rivulet trailing its way down your skin. Billy laps it up quickly, his tongue scraping over your thigh as he pushes a finger inside you. A broken moan falls from your lips, and all three of them share an eager smile. He holds his finger still inside you, allowing you some respite as Logan slides the knife along the underside of your breast.

Aleksander takes the knife as Logan's mouth laves at the cut, ensuring that no one will accidentally get stabbed as things progress. His hand still in your hair, he presses a kiss to your forehead as Billy begins to thrust his finger inside you. It isn't long before another finger joins it, and you're crying out pleas as his fingers curl against the spot that has you staring wide eyed down at the two of them.

Logan's teeth nip lightly at your nipples, and you groan as you try to squirm against the restraints.

He's the first one of them to undo his trousers, his mouth still on you as he shoves his boxers down and fists his cock. Billy smirks against your skin, you know he's too prideful to be the first one to cave and touch himself. Logan is too hedonistic to care about such things, too busy enjoying your body to realise he has just lost some imaginary contest.

When Billy's head moves from the spot on your thigh, dropping down to lick at your swollen clit, you attempt to buck your hips with little success.

“Milaya, look at me.”

Your eyes lift from watching Billy as his tongue flicks against your clit, and you soon find Aleksander’s darkened eyes. Due to his age, Aleksander’s compulsion is the strongest out of the three of them and you can already feel your mind softening as his eyes lock onto yours.

He hums in approval, the sound rumbling deep in his chest, and your eyes flutter closed for a moment. Aleksander holds your chin between his fingers, keeping your eyes on his.

“Good girl.” He praises you as your eyes fight to remain open, the familiar tingling pleasure sweeping through you.

Aleksander’s compulsion always has the enticing pull of pure safety, inviting you to lose yourself in his eyes. Your mind grows fuzzy, focusing only on each and every sensation. The restriction of your bindings, two sets of hands and tongues on you. The only thing more deadly than his eyes is his voice.

“Such a beautiful sight.” He murmurs gently in your ear, as Logan continues to mouth at your breasts and Billy sucks hard on your clit. “Are you going to let me drink from you, milaya?”

“Yes.” You breathe out instantly and he chuckles.

“Yes? You want me to take that sweet blood of yours?” You can feel his lips move as he speaks directly against your throat. “Right here from your pretty throat? Where it’s the strongest for me, and the most painful for you?”

“Yes, oh yes please.”

You can feel Logan smirk as he sucks on your nipple, his mouth stained red with your blood, his lips still flushed pink with the warmth of your pussy. Billy breathes out a sharp laugh as he shoves his own trousers down and begins to stroke his cock.

“Looks like your girl’s brain is leaking out of her cunt, Aleks.” Billy remarks with a low groan.

Aleksander smiles darkly as he tugs on your hair. He cups the back of your neck, his thumb hooking lying under your chin, the pad of his digit pressing against your cheek to keep you facing away from him, giving him full access to your throat.

He spends a long moment breathing in your scent, listening to the pounding of your heart, your pulse thundering around your body as pleasure has you climbing higher, towards your second climax.

His nose traces over your artery and your heart skips a heart, your body's natural response to a predator. But you're not afraid of Aleksander. You know what he's waiting for, and you're more than willing to give it to him. It's the faintest of whispers, but he hears your words, a plea from the depths of your soul.

“Ruin me.”

He sinks his fangs into your neck with a growl, sharp canines tearing your skin open, ripping blood fresh from your veins, and your scream echoes through the dining hall. His hold on you remains tight, and the other two vampires hurry to place their mouths against one of the open wounds on your body, eager to taste the pleasure that is about to flood through your system.

Billy curls his fingers hard inside you, and Logan grips onto your breast tightly. Eyes squeezed shut, you groan as Aleksander drinks down mouthfuls of your blood. You can almost feel it as it slides down his throat. A part of you becoming a part of him. As if your blood was made for him to consume, as if every one of your heartbeats is for him.

The ache loosens and you let out a pleasured gasp as the cloying sweetness of Aleksander's venom numbs your pain. Under the hazy fog of pleasure, you're aware of someone groaning in the distance. But then you're tipping over edge, clenching hard around Billy's fingers, whimpering with every slippery rub of his thumb against your clit.

He allows you a few seconds to ride out your high before he pulls his fingers out to stroke your twitching pussy in distracted circles. Logan presses lazy kisses over your heaving chest, as euphoria sparkles throughout your body, and you sigh and moan with each wave of bliss.

Aleksander retracts his fangs carefully, lapping at the small puncture wounds left on your throat. With his tongue pressed against them, the wounds stop bleeding quickly, allowing him to kiss your neck and murmur praises as you relish in your high. A singular tear falls from your cheek as the pleasure sinks into your body.

“Sasha.” You whine, and Aleksander snaps his fingers. Instantly, the other two pull themselves from your body.

“It’s alright milaya. I’m here.” A soft sigh leaves your lips, and your eyes flutter closed as he strokes your face affectionately.

At the sound of a low hiss, you look down at the end of the table where Billy sits, his head thrown back as he spills over his hand. Glancing over at Logan, you see him slumped in his own chair, sweeping his sweat-soaked hair from his forehead. Based on the mess over his crumpled trousers, the groan you heard earlier must have been Logan climaxing.

Aleksander reaches for the knife and begins to cut the ribbon from your body. With each limb freed, you slump to the table in a boneless heap, your eyes closing as you sink into a blissful sleep.

You come to when you’re in the bath, warm water cradling your aching body, rinsing away the mess of the evening. Blood mixes with fragrant soapy water, Aleksander must have already cleaned you, and soon you’re sitting in liquid the same colour as your tattered dress which now lies on the floor of the dining hall.

Aleksander holds a teacup to your lips, and you drink eagerly from the delicate porcelain. The tea slides down your throat quickly, soothing the hoarseness borne from your screams. There’s a sharpness in the flavour, something almost unnoticeable. Three drops of Aleksander’s blood, to help your wounds heal and to prolong your blissful state. When the cup is empty Aleksander pulls it away, and you whine, your body aching for more, longing for enough of his blood to turn you right now.

Billy and Logan will be cleaning themselves up in their own rooms before the four of you reconvene in the parlour for the evening, giving the brothers a chance to catch up with one another whilst you sit peacefully in Aleksander's lap until you eventually doze off.

But in this quiet moment you’re solely Aleksander’s. The other two have taken all they are allowed of you, and as much as he enjoys sharing you with his brothers once a year, you’ll always be his. After all, once he’s sure you’re ready, Aleksander will be your sire, ridding you of your mortality and ensuring that you stay just as you are now. Young, beautiful, and happy.

He leans over, kissing your lips softly. Grasping onto the front of his shirt, you attempt to slide your hand down his chest. He breathes out a small laugh, his head tilting aside playfully.

“Now what do you think you're doing, milaya?”

“You didn't finish.”

Confusion sparks in his eyes and his brows furrow as he ponders your words. Then he realises what you're talking about. His brothers had been more than content to fuck their fists to the sight of you, Aleksander hadn't. The only way he would find release would be buried in your pussy, and he wouldn't do that with anyone watching. Besides, you were exhausted. His fingers curl gently around your wrist, and he guides your hand back into the water.

“I can wait.” He assures you. You don't seem convinced, and he leans closer to nuzzle his face against your cheek. “How does waking up tomorrow morning with my cock inside you sound?”

You blink hurriedly, eyes glazing over, words sounding small and slurred slightly as you respond,

“It sounds good, Sasha.” He presses a kiss to your cheek.

“Good girl. You've made me very proud today.” Your cheeks are already flushed from the warmth of the bath, but they prickle with additional heat at the sound of Aleksander's praise.

“Thank you, Sasha.” You say, watching the bubbles slowly dissolve into the bath water. He smiles widely and stands, fetching a soft fluffy towel for you before he holds out his hand to help you out of the tub.

“Now, let's not keep our guests waiting.”

marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity

Billy Russo Tag List: @blackbirddaredevil23 @rafaelakelley @theysayitscrazy @nyx2021 @skybridgerton @dragon-of-winterfell @chickensarentcheap @stardustmorozov @sweetwritingfanficfriend @witchcraftandwit @ladyofsoa @ily2lia

BB Characters Tag List: @rachlovesactors

#oh we absolutely need the morning after expeditiously #what a dream

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russobaby · 2 years

Text

Unexpected Revelations

Billy Russo x Unnamed Female OC

Warnings: Angsty & Fluffy; Fade to black; Fertility talks

Author’s Note: 2.5k Words; Minimal editing lol; First full length piece I’ve written for Billy Russo; This is just something small that took me forever to finish. Feedback always welcome (be nice pls i’m very sensitive) or any suggestions or prompts you’d like me to tackle!

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The silence on the car ride home was unsettling. Neither dared to speak the first word out of fear of further escalating the argument . Of all the things they could possibly disagree on this was by far the last thing she expected. She huffs out a breath as she stares out the window reminiscing on the last year of their relationship and where she could have missed the signs.

Thinking back to the conversation earlier that started all of this, she can’t help but feel a sense of dread at where their relationship might be headed.

They had just had a late dinner with Frank and Karen. With the perfect mood lighting and the intimacy of the booth they shared, the happy couple had just announced they were expecting and the four of them were riding that excitement high. In no uncertain terms she and Billy were first in line for the title of godparents.

“Oh goodness this is so exciting, so many baby preparations to make!” Karen beamed at them all. You couldn’t be happier for the pair. When you first met Billy he shared his worries for Frank, that he might never allow himself a chance at happiness again after losing Maria and the kids. This news made them proud of all the growth Frank had experienced with Karen’s unconditional support. Everything was going well until Frank led the conversation somewhere she was afraid they wouldn’t recover from.

“You know it would be nice for this little Castle to have a bud to grow up with him,” a tell-tale smirk on his face “What about you two, when’s a mini Russo coming along?”

Both her and Billy couldn’t help but steal a knowing glance at each other.

“Soon-”

“Never-”

She damn near gave herself whiplash when she turned to look at him, and Billy wore the same perplexed look. Frank and Karen could only stare mouths slightly ajar, noting the tension rapidly thickening until Billy finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean by never?” He was a bit offended at how appalled she seemed to be at the idea of having kids with him. Meanwhile her mind was running a mile a minute trying to figure out the best way to navigate this conversation, in public…in front of their closest friends.

“I just never thought about that being an option for us.” She slowly brings her hands closer to her fidgeting with the cloth napkin beside her plate.

“Not an option? I’ve told you you’re it for me, how do you get ‘not an option’ from that?”

“Maybe this isn’t a conversation we should be having right now Bill.” The finality in her tone only frustrates him more and he can't stop himself from egging it on.

“So you want kids just not with me?” A wounded expression surfaces on his face.

“What? No, that's not what I said!”

“Bill, don’t push it, I’m sorry I asked-” Frank and Karen are slowly growing more concerned.

“It’s fine Frankie, how would I have known otherwise that my girlfriend doesn’t see me as parental material.”

She knew he was hurt and that he wasn’t thinking before speaking but his words stung no less.

“You know that’s not true, you're putting words in my mouth.” This was not how she wanted to end their night, “Can we please just talk about this at home.” She pleaded with him.

The rest of their dinner fell into an uncomfortable silence. Frank and Karen kept exchanging worried glances while you and Billy avoided looking at each other. Thankfully they were in the middle of dessert so there wasn’t much after paying the bill and bidding goodnight to the other couple.

Now here they found themselves, in a tension so thick it was suffocating. She had no idea how she was going to make him see her decision had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her.

Walking into their home she falls into step behind him tossing her stuff at the entryway table. She hears him ruffling through the kitchen so she makes her way toward it with very careful steps. She was afraid of what this conversation would mean for them. His back is to her as he stands stoically just staring at the open beer right in front of him. She could use some liquid courage herself.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“What is there left to say?”

“I’d like to think there’s a lot left to say.” She can’t help but quip back.

“You’ve made your feelings about a family with me pretty clear.”

“Have I or are you just projecting and trying to make me the villain?”

Now she was getting mad. It was one thing to be hurt, it was another to insinuate she thought so lowly of him. After the time they’d spent together she’d hoped he knew her better than that.

“You haven’t even let me explain a thing.”

He finally spins around to face her.

“You said you didn’t see that being an option for us. For us.” His scoff is harsh. “That implies you don’t see a family with me.”

“Well what else was I supposed to think Billy, you’ve never talked about wanting children and the way you respond to anything regarding your childhood never leads me to believe it’s something you’re interested in.”

“Wouldn’t you think that because of the way I was raised I’d want a chance to prove I could do better?”

“How could I, you’ve never initiated any conversation about parenthood! Why should it fall on me to do so?”

“So you just assumed I wouldn’t want to be a father from that?”

An incredulous laugh slips out of her. Logically, what else was one supposed to assume from that?

“Well have you ever considered that maybe I’m the one that doesn’t want to be a mother?”

She hadn’t vocalized this to many people and even the few she’d never admitted it with such finality. That one sentence stunned them both. Finding a life partner is hard enough but finding someone who shares the same feelings regarding parenthood is even harder. She thought it had finally all worked out with Billy. He knew the true ugliness of the world and she was sure he shared her opinion on the matter. The world they lived in was no place for a new life, not one who may or may not even have a livable planet or the most despicable people leading it.

Her confession hangs heavy between them and she finally sees the harshness in his expression soften.

“Were you ever gonna talk to me ‘bout this?”

“I’ve never known how to bring it up.” She sighs, “It’s not exactly an easy or ideal topic of conversation.”

“I get that but c'mon, we’re supposed to be a partnership here.” He can’t keep the frustration out of his tone. “We’re supposed to be able to tell each other anything.”

“I just-” she starts “My whole life that’s the one thing everyone has just always expected of me as a woman.”

As she crosses her arms Billy can’t help but notice her shrink further into herself backed into the counter as far from him as she can be. He could physically see the weight such an admission held.

“There have been so many instances where I’ve confided my feelings to people and all I get is ‘You can always change your mind’ or ‘That’s such a big decision to make so young’, like at what point in my life is it acceptable to make this decision?” Her own frustration grows.

“When it’s made for me? When it’s too late but then everybody assumes I have this massive regret? There’s just no winning and quite frankly I’m so over the emotional toll these conversations take and the unnecessary guilt for not adhering to some archaic gender expectation.”

She had been called every possible thing whenever she told people she wasn’t sure about kids. People called her ungrateful for having the ability when so many women wish they could. Others would say it was selfish to choose herself and her body. She knew Billy would never, but after being on the receiving end of these comments from people she thought she could confide in, some small part in her brain was always on guard.

He can see all her emotional walls going up at the possibility of him rejecting her for this, which is a laughable thought to him. There were very few things she could do that would drive him to do something like that. This was most definitely not one of those things.

A highlight of having spent such a long time together was knowing when her distress called for a certain response from him. Clearly this was a moment that required comfort and despite his feelings about her omission, there was no way he would ever deny her what she needed. So with very careful steps Billy approaches, gently wrapping his arms around her.

Letting herself fall into the embrace was too easy but she wasn’t going to beat herself up for caving so quickly, not when 30 minutes ago she was dreading the direction this relationship was heading in.

“I won’t say I’m not upset you kept this from me.” He sighs, “But I get it.”

He really did understand, he knew about her insecurities regarding her relationship with family and feeling like an outcast for not following the same paths as them. He would never imagine throwing them in her face.

“I’m sorry for assuming, there’s no way you could’ve known without me sharing and considering I do see us spending our lives together I should’ve communicated that from the beginning.” Neither of them could understand how they’d gone so long without this topic of conversation even coming up.

“No, I’m sorry for blowing up.” Guilt creeps into his voice. “You were right I was projecting and the last thing I want you to feel like is a villain when it comes to decisions that affect you as a whole.”

A new guilty feeling begins to settle in her.

“I don’t want you to have to choose between your desire for a family and me.” As much as it pained her she could never take that opportunity away from him and she loved him too much to do so. She was sure of her choice and in the same way she wouldn’t let anybody take it from her; she wasn’t going to take it from him.

This prompts a whole new fear in him.

“Now hold on, before you go making any self sacrificing rash move I need you to listen closely.” He cradles her face close to his in hopes she fully grasps what he’s about to say.

Before he can get a word in she cuts him off.

“Billy, don't make this decision because of me, please really think about what you’re going to say because I can’t bear you hating me in the future.”

“Would you just listen to me?” He huffs.

“Sorry.” She averts her eyes.

“Look at me.” He waits for her to bring her gaze back to his. “If it comes down to having to choose to spend my life with you versus anything else, I will always choose you .” The certainty in his voice sends a chill down her spine and her subtle shiver makes him smile. She presses her body closer to his which queues a shiver of his own.

It was like a movie montage of their entire relationship played back in her mind. Meeting for the first time at the coffee shop down the street from her old apartment, gushing to Karen about the craziness of having a meet-cute, Billy charming the hell out of her on their first date that it felt too good to be true. Maybe in the back of her brain she was always just waiting for the other shoe to drop and of course Billy being an absolute dream was reassuring her in all the right ways.

They stand there in silence simply holding each other for several minutes. Finally, he breaks the silence.

“I need to know you understand what I mean when I say that.” He caresses her face.

She leans into the touch basking in all the love he so freely gave her. Billy never failed to make her feel like the center of his universe, and she appreciated it so much. To be loved so openly and unconditionally felt so good. To have someone understand her so wholly and be so secure in what she has with someone.

“I do…I think”

“No, none of that think shit, I need to hear you say you understand.” His demand is subsided by the soft sway of his thumb against her cheek and she can’t help the light giggle that spills out.

“Yes Billy, I understand.”

He sighs in contentment leaning down to kiss her, equal parts passionate and languid trying to convey as much of his love as he could into it. Whenever he kissed her like that she felt ready and willing to give him anything he asked, too hypnotized by the buzz running through her body to refuse him. She can’t help throwing her arms around him, pressing herself as close as physically possible.

Pulling away he pushes a strand that loosened back behind her ear. Her eyes remain closed and she pushes her body upwards chasing his lips not wanting a single inch of space between them.

“Slow down baby,” he laughs. “Look at me.”

She was already dizzy on his love and the dominant tone in his demand makes her gasp softly sending an electric current down her body. Looking up at him with a mix of adoration and ready compliance in her eyes has him groaning and leaning down to kiss her again, only rougher and all consuming this time. Her arms wrap around his neck while his hands roam up and down her body. Their desperation for each other grows by the second and her need has her pulling him to the bedroom not separating for even an intake of breath.

If Billy wasn’t too distracted with wanting to rip every article of clothing off her he’d laugh at her attempts and urgency to drag his body all the way to bed. Of course he humors her and would never admit to letting himself be tugged along so easily. He only pauses to avoid crushing her when she pulls him onto the mattress. He takes this moment to let his eyes run over her, a blush fills her cheeks at this attention.

“I love you baby, you know that right?”

Her hand comes up to cup the side of his face and he turns to press a kiss to her palm.

“I love you too Billy.” A happy sigh spills out of her, “So damn much.”

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