why do they still even use bmi to diagnose 4na like that. im gonna fucking kms i stg. despite everything i guess ive never even qualified for a diagnosis. i guess i dont even have a problem then. guess its just fine that i feel like this. i do wanna lose weight and ideally b like mildly underweight but my personal goal isnt even as low as it would need to be for a diagnosis. but i have a lot of these thoughts and feelings and behaviors that fit with 4na and i wanna feel valid so bad because i am a broken person so maybe ill just try to lower my goal to something more dangerous. so yeah thanks dsm. thanks for looking out for all of us mentally ill people. so fucking helpful of you.

begining to relapse and feeling my emotional pendulum swinging between honeymoon phase feelings/we are so back and chilling exestential dread/it is so over

thinking about coming back and doing a bit of rebranding this blog or making a new blog for this. yikes honestly but we'll see. just logged in for the first time in a while. will probably log out again soon. idk. idk if anyone will see this just kind of talking to myself here. hi though if you do. hope ur all doin okay.

Having an extended existential crisis about my life and future career and being an adult and realizing that part of the reason I relapsed into my ED was because it helps me feel in control of SOMETHING. If I don't feel in control of my adult life, at least I can control what I eat.

mental illness is like you will crave love but never feel comfortable around anyone ever. your welcome

kinda thinking about coming back to this blog. like on one hand i know its not worth it and why would i do that to myself but on the other hand i have an immense desire for some wildly unhealthy coping mechanisms lately. i was "recovered" for a while but never really recovered. the desire to come back to this persists. anyway idk. im gonna try my best to talk about this in therapy. but im the mean time i might be lurking around here at least.

prolly gonna unfollow some ppl and re-theme a bit to try to align better w my current goals

but i wanna keep this blog 4 now cuz i desperately need a place to vent <3

trying to find the rly specific inspo i want rn...

im not trying to become rly malnourished looking anymore actually

i wanna be thin but also kinda muscular and also masculine

but theres not much inspo for that

theres already not a lot of masc content to begin with

fitspo for guys is mostly super jacked dudes

th1nsp0 for guys is mostly super skinny guys with baisically no muscle

:/

mental illness is totally a disability and it is considered to be one. like if a job has that voluntary disclosure thing or whatever where they ask if you have a disability the official form for that includes anxiety and depression as examples of disability. and i live in the US btw.

most definitions of mental illness will include that the symptoms interfere with daily life. so yeah, its a disability.

it doesn't have to reach a certian point to be one. it might have varying degrees of severity but mental illness is a disability.

idk if u can get like disability aid in the US for a mental illness but i think it's possible.

I think mental illness can and is a disability at a certain point

autistics who dont want to accept that its summer and time to put the big heavy quilt away will sleep like this

[id: a simplistic black and white drawing of a person. they lay in bed, cuddled under a blanket, with one leg sticking out, fully uncovered. end ID]

me seeing short term pleasure opportunities.

im rly gonna set super easy realistic goals for myself.... im gonna do that and im gonna slowly work my way back to being happy with myself but im not gonna overdo it and end up in the binge rebound again

idk if its the same for anyone else but binges tend to feel like they trap me because once i start part of my brain is telling me that ive already ruined everything and part of me thinks that eating will make me happy. and like i feel like i need to keep eating until im happy to make it all worth it baisically. but the problem is ill never feel satisfied when im in binge mode.

ive been eating too much and not working out gaining lots of weight and its been destroying my self esteem for real.

i need to be back on here. i need to stop eating again and lose weight. i cant live like this anymore.

im gonna go back to intermittent fasting because that helped so mucu in the past. turns out i cant stop myself from binging at night unless i stop eating at night all together.

im at my moms place for a few days but once im back home ill start again.

it sucks cuz i literally dont wanna be on here but i feel like i have no where else to vent

tfw ur body image and desire to lose weight is anorexic but ur eating habits are binge eating disorder

bonus points for being physically unable to purge

but anyway