rosebrk
ROSEBRK
Transitioning to my new life after 50 has been a wonderful awaking
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My Dreams
Oh what grand dreams I have...
I dreams of a partner...I dream of living life well until I die..
Some of the things Id like to do... Bucket list...
Aurora Borealis
Vienna
Mackinac Island
ride motorcycles until I cant
Car show.
Barrett Jackson
Route 66 and make a circle all around the US
Redwood Forest
Carlsbad Caverns
The Painted Ladies
San Antonio Texas
Galveston Texas
Maine in the fall
Air shows
balloon shows
Cruise
Snow in Colorado
Roses in Oregon
Tulips in Holland
Italy
Ireland
stars,moons,sunrise and sunsets
Train across America
Bike ride across country
RVing across country
Fly in Airplanes
Make friends that hug you
Have a business with a partner
Design, build and decorate a Victorian house
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The Epidemic of being Single......
as I look around this new world of being single... I am learning things I wish I never knew.... It seems that so many of the people of our generation has jumped ship, only to find themselves floating in a sea of loneliness...I did not jump ship.... My husband did.... But I still find myself in the same place as others...
I find people have thought they can find another partner... only to find that people have been played and hurt so they adjust their way of thinking and convince themselves that being alone is what they want...And some do... But I think the majority don’t want to live and die alone... But they have no choice...
So many have became selfish... Only wanting to make themselves happy and not have to consider the happiness of anyone else... So they set their rules for dating to only their rules or quit dating altogether... There is no patience and tolerance and loyalty anymore...
We are all at an age where... Yes we still look ok... and can find sex partners... But what about our futures??? Who’s going to be there when the looks are gone completely... Who’s going to take care of us when were sick?... Who will we have to talk to... Yes... We have kids and friends... They have their own lives...This generation will die lonely....from being alone.....
I have watched so many women letting their hair go grey and wear no make up and hang with just their girlfriends...Which is a good life style... But , we are not 70 or 80... most are in their 50 and 60s... Not old at all... and alot of men are only out for one things, until its too late and then they are by themselves..
I’m sure this is the lifestyle I will end up doing also.... It is not what I’d prefer... I want a partner to grow old with. I always have....Will I adjust?.... Sure.. Don’t we all...
At this point in my age and just new to being single, I still have hope of finding a partner... But I look around at everyone who Is by themselves and see that the odds are slim... I’m an optimist.. I still dream of a happy life with a man that’s crazy about me... Only time will tell if I beat the odds............
And for those that read this... This is just my thoughts and observation.. It is not a judgement on other peoples choice of how they want to live... I wish us all love and happiness....
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horoscope
Enthusiastic Sagittarius paints pictures of a more exciting future that is energized by enthusiasm and hope. The need to throw off the shackles of boring routines and low expectations could spark some risky behavior, but it's better to take some chances than to stand still. Even if we fall short of our expectations, we're stretching muscles of personal growth that are bound to enrich our lives.
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The start of another chapter and lessons learned
I feel the wind of change coming. It is near. I have come to the end of another purpose. I have done all that I can in that chapter. I feel the need to move on. To get back to my life which I had put on hold. My simple life, with friends and family that love and appreciate me and consider my feeling. Who call and come see me. That want to be with me. I have made some good new friends to add to this list. And found others that are not true to me. They only think of themselves. Yes this has hurt. But lessons learned. My broken heart will heal and I will be the better for it.
I have always tried to help others. But it seems to me they all use my goodness against me in the end. But I will always try to stay good for it makes my soul happy.
I am often misunderstood. People never truly take the time to get to know me. They hear my outrageous jokes and comments and think that is me. 10 minutes here and there is not getting to know my true heart. Everyone loses..... But I do not need a lot of friends, just a few good friends. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But because I'm strong people forget I have feelings too. The older I get the lessstressI can take. It makes me physically ill. I have not had to fight or argue in years and don't want to anymore. I am good to those that are good to me.
I feel it is time for me to make decisions as to which way my life should go. When thing are not going well, I STOP and change my path. I have been in someone elses world and now its time to go back to my world. A world that is as stress and drama free as I can make it. Where laughter and beauty is all around me. I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to.
I do hate that this trip to another world was short. I would have loved to have been there for a long time and to weave it into my own world, but it was not meant to be. So I will contemplate my next step in this adventure I call life. To get back to my freedom for which I have so painstakingly work to have......
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DAWN
As i look out at my mountain ridges in the dawn I feel a new adventure coming closer. My life is shifting, drifting. I am finishing up the middle chapter of my life and ready for a new start. I am excited at all the possibilities ahead of me. Of the adventures put on hold that I can now start. I am at peace with the future, whatever it may hold. I have come to realize I am a simple person. It has never taken much to make me happy. I just have forgotten sometimes to make ME happy. Always putting others before me. This is my time and I am going to start doing what makes me happy. I want to go to breakfast, Flea markets, fishing, white water rafting, playing in the river, go to car shows, out to dinner, movies, hang with friends, take dance lessons. All very obtainable but yet I always put them on hold, because I have always walked this earth alone but with people all around me. If I am meant to continue to walk alone then so be it. But I will not wait anymore to do the things that make ME happy.
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Open Book
I have lived my life as an open book.... I cant imagine living any other way... I can not hide my feeling. I am not an actress. My face registers all my emotions. I do not know how to control my reactions. My happiness, and my disappointments. I am always genuine, nothing false about me. I love living in the open, but still I feel no one sees me. They don't seem to see my golden heart, my happy soul, the sweetness within... They see the surface, the shield that protects my golden heart. I lower the shield at times, only to see I need to raise it again from some heartache in my life. I sometime feel like I'm at war with a tag team. When one lets up another one steps in to take their place. I am rough around the edges for a reason. But no one takes the time to wonder why.
I love being open and honest. I'm like a kid in the candy store. I am still in awe of all the beauty that surrounds me. From the tiny lil things to my mountains . This is the place on earth I was meant to live. The beautiful mountains comfort me, they ground me, they help me be at peace with who I am. I am not to everyone's taste. Which is fine. I am to my taste. I love who I am and how I think. I am blessed to have me. I am my rock. I am strong and confident. I was born that way. But I have always longed for someone that could take some of the load off my shoulders. But in the meantime.... I have me. It has not always been easy though. Many misunderstand my confidence as arrogance or I reflect what they do not have. But my heart is gold and my intentions are as pure as they can be.
I am a realist. Thing are what they are. I take them at face value and try to learn from it.
I am a collector of information. The world and everything in it interest me. I want to know something about just about everything. But this gets me labeled as a know it all. So I keep so much of the information to myself as not to bother others. I have boxed it away. Such a pity to waste knowledge. But it is always there when I need it. Anything that happens in my life , I look for the lesson in it. And I never let it go til I have learned. I do not have book knowledge. I have life knowledge. Anything that I have faced in my life I have taught myself what I need to know, by reading, listening and watching. Knowledge is a weapon and a shield. With my knowledge I have no fears. Knowing what needs to be done and what is going to happen keeps me in control and without fear. I sometimes wonder where my fearlessness came from. It makes me happy and excited when I feel fear. I seem to have been born without several emotions.... fear and embarrassment are a couple of them.
I view the world differently.... I give myself permission to be me. The good and the bad. I take responsibility for my actions always. There are reason... but no excuses. What I do in my life I do because I want to. And will take the blame. I live in the shadow of the box.... Freedom is ALWAYS my north star. I can not live caged. I wither and die.... I give of myself freely to others they do not own me and I will always come home as long as the gate stays open......
I am responsible to a fault, to my very core. Responsibility is the one thing that cages me.... It will not set me free to do as others in this world.... but I still try to fight against it. But it still wins. It keeps me out of trouble , but it also makes me weak for other to use against me.
This is some of who I am.... It helps to write it down. I am visual and need to see or speak it into the air so I can study it in space in front of my minds eye.....
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Blessings
I am so thankful for my life, for my view of life. I am so thankful for the people that I have had in my life and the new ones that I have met. I am so blessed to be a happy soul. It has always made the hard times easier. And the good times awesome! I love that I find happiness in small ways... Like playing in the rain, catching snowflakes, watching lighting bugs and dancing. I see the beauty in everything...... My soul is centered most of the time and I figured out how to calm me when i am not... The wild mustang comes and goes. She is quiet for now.
Turning 50 has been unexpectedly fabulous. I feel great! Life is flowing again. I have been put on a new path of friendship, laughter and beauty. My heart is starting to pump again with all new possibilities. I am getting to use my talents and intelligence again. They had been packed away for so long. The years of raising a family had taken its toll. But now I can start to walk a new road. One I had chose to leave behind for my family, but never thought I'd get the chance to take again. I have made all my decisions with eyes wide open and have lived a life of no regrets. I am always responsible for my decisions. I am a happy soul...
The sight of my 50 year old body does not surprise me. It comforts me. The scars of a life well lived. The metals of the wars I have lived through. The wisdom and knowledge I have earned. I am more beautiful today than I have ever been, because beauty comes from within. The body is the shell that holds my heart and my heart has well been used. But it still is full of love. I am a happy soul....................
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Life is full of surprises........
just when you think you figured it all out, Life throws you something new... I once was very wise... or so I thought... now I see the world has more to show me... Things I have felt or believed to be true about my self can change at the drop of a hat... that's very surprising to me... I think I have learned more about myself in this last year than any other time in my life... i find i can be surprised , confused and afraid... emotions i didn't think i possessed. now that i am coming out the other side of child rearing, i see freedom and it is so tempting. I try to stay the course... I know this too shall pass.... it is a struggle to do as i have always... stay the course. i am actually confused by this chain of events. I am truly happy but with conflict. what an odd mixture....
i have been walking through life dead for a long time and now i am reborn and happy. living life as i have wished for. laughter, beauty and happiness surround me but the gloom of the past ever present in the distance... caution, danger in my path... and the struggle within to make the right decisions... the crossroads to my future...
i have never had such torment of the decisions i make. i have always made them with ease.. this time it is both refreshing and difficult at the same time. measuring and weighing as i go and the confusion that surrounds me with every decision i make.
i have lived a life of no regrets, of happiness and beauty for which i am thankful for.. i have always been truly blessed..i have always taken full responsibility for any decisions i have made and will continue to do so. i have styled my life to my liking.. with intent. for with my needs and wants it has fit wonderfully. i have been afforded freedoms that so many other have never had and freedom is at the top of my list. it is why my life has been happy even through the worst of time and the walking dead. my soul has always been a wild mustang free to run as it please but with my steady hand on the reins to guild it when necessary.
i am sure the wild mustang will calm again... i just hope with very little damage to repair.........
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please write a book........ i crave your beautiful words... i find myself in uncharted waters now at 50 with feeling and thoughts I have never had before. Your words soothe the wildness. I have been reborn once again...I don't know where this adventure will take me, i am enjoying the ride so far.... the goddess wants to run free through the minefield. i am afraid i wont be able to control her safe passage... so i pray...
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