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｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 9

True Romantic

Series masterlist

Previous part: Twinkles Next part: Star crossed lover

Word count: 7,040

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI.

As soon as you left your apartment for your meeting with Fury, Steve raced to his own place. As fast as he could, he took a shower and got dressed and as presentable as he could in the short amount of time that he had before fast walking all the way to Fury's office.

In the hallway and outside of Fury's door, there was already a small group of Avengers awaiting the end of the meeting to find out what you chose to do.

Bucky leaned against the wall, tapping his fingers against it. Natasha was trying her hardest to read Fury's lips through the small window in the office door, unfortunately she couldn't see your lips or facial expressions since your back was facing the door. Tony was also there, but he was trying his hardest to pretend like he couldn't care less about any of this debacle. Sam was there too, but mostly because he just wanted to be where Steve and Bucky were. As crazy as it was, you and Sam had never met each other before regardless of how close you both were to the boys, but based off the stories that were told back and forth, the two of you might as well have been friends this whole time.

Steve let out a breath of relief as he approached, knowing for sure now that you were still on the meeting and hadn't missed the Avenger's interrogation to follow.

All of the Avengers turned their heads to investigate Steve's fast approaching steps, but he didn't hold their attention for more than a couple seconds as they all turned back to continue their investigation.

"Fury is smiling." Nat informed Steve, still on her tippy toes staring through the small window.

"Fury never smiles" Steve noted, leaning against the wall next to Sam.

"I didn't even know she was back at the compound." Bucky told Steve.

"She came home last night, I didn't know she was coming back either." Steve told him.

"Oh so 306 sneaking into your apartment was a surprise to you too?" Tony asked Steve, obviously trying to get a rise out of him.

Steve didn't miss the way Bucky's eyebrows raised, or the snickering coming from Sam and Natasha. "You make it sound so naughty"

"Just calling it how I saw it. Deflecting much?"

"So you two really made up, huh?" Bucky flung his arm around Steve's shoulder.

"Oh my go- no. I mean, yes, we did make up. But no, nothing weird happened." Steve confirmed... and denied. Either way, his cheeks felt hotter than the surface of the sun. "What? Were you spying on me?"

"No, I was just walking down the hallway and was visually assaulted by the sight of a woman way out of your league opening your door." Tony explained. "Don't really know what else that could be other than a Star Spangled booty call"

"Unlike you, I respect women too much to participate in booty calls, whatever that means." Steve huffed in disgust. "Not that it's any of your business, she was actually just being a good friend. I was having a tough night and she came to cheer me up."

"Oh, I bet she came alright" Sam joked with a wink, voice taunting Steve.

"That's my boy!" Bucky held his hand up for a high five from Steve, but he was left hanging and earned a death glare.

"You boys are all stupid, I think this is all code for Rogers had a panic attack last night." Natasha noted, eyes never leaving the window.

"Alright, Cap, what's more embarrassing for you? Admitting you were clapping cheeks or having a breakdown." Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing embarrassing about either of those things, but I prefer to keep both of them to myself. Thank you very much." Steve refused to let them get a rise out of him.

"What a noble answer" Sam noted.

"306 is signing papers, Fury is laughing." Nat updated.

"I didn't know Fury was even capable of laughing." Tony raised an eyebrow.

"She must be really charismatic if she has the big guy laughing and seems to have you boys wrapped around her finger." Sam theorized.

"Or she's demonic. Maybe she practices witch craft and puts spells on people." Tony agreed.

"If that was the case, the poor girl wouldn't be terrorized and miserable every day of her life." Natasha defended you. "Maybe she's happy she can finally get the hell out of here."

"You think she's going to leave for good, pal?" Bucky questioned looking right at Steve who was looking down at the floor.

"No." Steve lifted his eyes to look at Bucky while shaking his head. "Fury wouldn't be happy if she was leaving. She makes his life too easy. If she left he would be losing a lot."

"What ever ended up happening to that guy? The one that go her really hurt?" Tony asked.

Steve sighed. "He's on a final warning, one wrong move away from getting fired and black listed from the compound."

“Why do I feel like that's always the case, yet he keeps doing shitty things and he's still here?" Sam asked.

"It's not always him that's doing it, his punk friends aren't any better." Steve said regretfully. "Admittedly I've been trying for a while to get him out for good but he's slimy, always finds a way to slip right through."

Nat turned her head away from looking in the window for a few moments to look at the sad look evident on Steve's face. "Why didn't you tell me? Give me 10 minutes of digging and I'll find some dirt to get him out of here."

"If you can do that, I'd be the happiest man on the planet." Steve encouraged.

Natasha's eyes went back to the door. "Everyone shut up they're standing and shaking hands!"

"Act normal!" Sam announced.

Nat took a big step back and leaned against the wall with everyone else. The door swung open and Fury came out first.

He looked at everyone, but didn't even stop walking while announcing "I'm not even going to ask."

Then, out came you.

Steve couldn't even stop himself from smiling when he saw you, and he was painfully aware of it. You looked just as pretty as you did an hour and a half ago, and it still made his heart beat unfortunately fast.

You stopped in your tracks when you noticed the group that had formed in the hallway. Feeling a bit confused, you looked down the hall to the left, then the right, then you looked behind you.

"I'm confused, what's happening?" You asked. Intimidation overtook the confusion.

Your brain raced and started overthinking when you saw Natasha. Now that her and Bucky were dating, you wondered if she knew what happened and if it would make her not like you. The thought of that happening made you sad, all you wanted was to be friends with her.... And Sam. Why was Sam here?

"You're what's happening, Bug." Bucky confirmed.

"What did you choose to do?" Steve asked, Hope smeared all over his face.

With a blank face, you looked down at the signed contract in your hands before lifting it up to show them.

All four of the Avengers in front of you took a step or two forward before squinting their eyes at the paper, there was a moment of concentration as they all read the header.

Contract of employment: The Avengers Initiative.

Immediately following, there was a lot more celebration than you ever anticipated. You stood with a smile on your face as there was some gasping, shouting, jumping up and down from Sam and Bucky, you're pretty sure you caught a glimpse of Nat whacking Steve's arm, and Tony saying I knew it a few times.

That was all before Sam walked over to you to give you an unsuspecting hug that you happily granted him. But all was not as it seemed because that hug turned into you being picked up and spun around.

Your squeak of surprise didn't go unnoticed by Steve who was quick to pick you up out of Sam's arms and return your two feet back to the floor before giving you a hug of his own. But because they were Avengers, and the chaos seemed to never trail too far behind them, Bucky joined that hug too.

Being held by both of the boys was healing in a way you didn't quite know you needed. Especially when you could tell neither of them were harboring resentment or hard feelings. It felt normal, happy even.

Then Nat joined, followed by Sam, then Tony walked away because he definitely wasn't going to get in on that.

Your head was smushed into Steve's chest so you couldn't really see much, but you could hear Sam. "Nice to finally meet you, 306."

"You too, Sam." You giggled at how unable you were to move any part of your body in the big Avengers hallway cuddle. "We should grab a coffee one day."

"Not before I get to spend a day with you!" Nat spoke, fighting for your time. "Rogers says you like to eat, so we're going out to eat with no boys."

"Steve, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You questioned jokingly, trying your hardest to lift your head to look at his face.

"That is not what I said." Steve defended himself with a shake of his head and a laugh. "I said you love food, like your eyes light up when you have food in front of you. Don't twist my words!"

"Mmmhmm" You said suspiciously.

"Are you free to get dinner tonight?" Nat asked you, releasing you from her arms.

Sam followed by letting you go, but it was clear that Bucky and Steve had no interest in dropping their arms, but at least now you could look at Nat as she spoke to you.

Your head immediately went to all of the stuff you needed to get sorted out. Bucky, Steve, telling Luca you were an Avenger, definitely calling your parents.

“Wait, not tonight." Steve reminded Nat. "We have that thing tonight, remember?"

"Oh! Right! So I'll be seeing you tonight anyways! That works for me." Nat said.

"Oh and me too. We all get her!" Sam enthused.

"What thing tonight?" You questioned.

A beeping sound came from Sam and Nat's smart watches, they both read the notification. "Well, duty calls. Congratulations, 306, so happy to have you on the team and I'll see you later!"

"Welcome to the team" Sam waved before they walked off together leaving just you, Steve, and Bucky.

"This is nice and all, but will one of you tell me what's happening tonight?" You asked the two boys who were still holding on to you.

"The team is going to a winery to celebrate the new addition!" Steve told you.

"That's suspiciously fast planning" you raised an eyebrow.

"Be ready to go by 6 o'clock, you're going with Steve." Bucky told you. "We can't get drunk, so obviously, we're going to drive."

Bucky let go of you, and only then did Steve let you go too.

"I guess that makes sense" You nodded, suddenly feeling self conscious and painfully aware that this was the first time the three of you have been together since that night before evaluation.

The boys read your body language like a hawk, especially when your big smile finally fell and your arms crossed over your chest, while your back leaned onto the wall.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked, eyes filling with concern.

You let out a chuckle before standing up straight again, arms falling back down to your side. "Just overwhelmed. I still can't really comprehend what this means for me but I guess this is the only way to find out."

Steve could read between the lines. "You're worried about how the agents are going to react to this?"

"Yeah" You nodded. On the wall was a big Avengers A logo, and under it was an electronic screen displaying the names of the entire team. The boys eyes followed your finger as you pointed directly at it. "My name is already on it. The word is already out and admittedly, I'm a little scared to walk back to my apartment."

"I'll walk you home." Steve understood your anxiety.

Even a couple weeks ago you were getting shoved into walls and tripped by your peers when you gave them no reason to be angry. But now, they had a whole lot of grounds for jealousy. They both knew that probably wasn't the safest situation for you to be living in.

"We're always here in the compound, Bug." Bucky reminded you. "If you need us to hang out with you until the buzz dies down, we will."

"Thanks, Buck." You said genuinely, but you couldn't get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that settled deep in your stomach. You knew you just had to address what happened. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming back. I just decided last night and when I got back it was late and-"

"Don't sweat it" Bucky denied your apology. "Don't sweat anything. We're fine."

His words made the heaviness feel so much lighter. A sigh of relief escaped your lips "we're fine?"

"We're fine." Steve agreed.

All you did was open your arms again for another hug from them, feeling more than ready to put this all behind you. Once again they happily accepted, one arm squeezing each of them tightly.

"I really love you guys." You reminded them, squeezing your eyes shut to stop the tears of relief that started prickling through.

"Love you too, both of you." Steve smiled.

"You both already know how much I love you" Bucky announced. "All I ever want is for you guys to be happy, whatever that may look like."

You nodded in response to his statement. There was an understanding that he was giving the two of your his blessing to date without embarrassing Steve, especially because he's had no recent updates and you've never admitted to Bucky that you were also painfully in love with the idiot. But Bucky knew, of course he knew, he was far too smart and level headed to be fooled by either of you.

"Will you give me the updates on you and Natasha?" You asked him, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively.

"Oop! Gotta go!" Bucky let go of you and started booking it down the hallway. "See you later!"

You and Steve laughed at his dramatics. But now that it was just the two of you, you finally let your shoulders slump and your real emotions poke through.

"You're terrified." Steve sympathetically noted.

"Not even of the job. How sad is that?" You questioned. "I'm also just... still tired. Being back at the compound is challenging."

"I can only imagine." He understood what you were trying to tell him. Though things were getting better, healing takes time. Steve could still see that part of you that just wanted to go lay down and avoid the world trying to fight through the brightness in your eyes. "But you don't have to be alone this time, and you're a tough cookie."

"An overwhelmed cookie, but a tough overwhelmed cookie." You agreed.

"I'm really proud of you." Steve emphasized. "Your success is a hard journey under perfect circumstances, yet you've made it look easy while facing a lot of adversity. It's no wonder to me why you're always exhausted, but I'm confident that once all the tension within the agents dies down, you'll find that a spot on the team means you'll have a lot more time to relax."

You let his words sink in and validate all of the hardship you sometimes felt crazy for. "Thanks for helping me get here. I don't know if I could've done it without you."

"It was all you" Steve denied your statement. "It always has been."

"I know you think that, but I don't, so thank you anyway."

"What can I do to help you feel less overwhelmed?" Steve asked.

You shrugged your shoulders. "I think I need to call my Mom."

"You should definitely call your Mom" Steve agreed with a giggle. "I actually have a few things for you, do you want to hang out at my place for a little bit? We can just chill out for a while, you can call your parents, I'll fill you in on some things?"

"Yes please" You agreed, enthusiastically nodding your head. His apartment was down the hallway, and yours was across the building. Knowing you could just relax on his couch while he convincingly told you all the reasons why you didn't need to be so scared sounded like heaven to you.

Steve grinned at your willingness to continue spending time with him. "Come on, let's go."

You walked along side him down the hall to his apartment, then happily plopped onto his couch.

"Stay right there, I have surprises!" Steve pointed at you as you settled into the very corner, tucking your feet underneath you and pulling his blanket over your lap. It was still pretty cold despite the shining sun.

"Surprises? Why do you have surprises?" You asked loudly so he could hear you as he disappeared into his bedroom.

"Because you love surprises!" Steve called out in response.

You could hear his closet door open then shut again. "Only when I know what they are!"

"Then it's not a surprise." He challenged as he walked back into the living room, a small box and a garment bag you recognized.

All uniforms in the compound came in that same garment bag, it was made of a heavy cotton twill. Always grey, always with an Avengers 'A' embossed on the back, a sleek black zipper down the front.

"Let's start with the obvious" Steve said, handing you the garment bag by the hanger.

Thinking you knew exactly what it was, you unzipped the front expecting your old suit to be remade exactly how it was before it was destroyed. Instead, upon taking it out you noticed it had been changed.

It didn't look like all of the other agent uniforms, instead this one was all jet black like Natasha's. Black hardware, black industrial fabric, your last name stitched into a label that fit right along your collarbone. It reminded you of how Steve's suit had a small little 'Rogers' tag on it.

But unlike Natasha's suit, yours had a more pronounced chest plate that almost looked like a bodice. You could tell from the feel of the material it was made out of that it was bulletproof. The whole garment, down to all of its details had you speechless.

It was beautiful, sleek, tight, functional, and dare you say... sexy?

Then you saw it, on the shoulders where you usually dawned a shield logo, there was an Avengers logo.

The loss for words remained as you looked back up at Steve who was anticipating your reaction. "How-"

"The team has a new tradition. We all come together to design the suit of the members, and this is what we came up with for you." Steve explained. "You needed a new suit anyway, we all knew in our gut that you belonged with us, hence why it's already made and in your hands."

"Did you do this?" You questioned, still a little stunned by how much you loved it.

"All of us did." Steve told you. "Well, I got the ball rolling and Natasha called most of the big shots considering, you know, she's a woman and she'd be better at making those choices anyway... but yeah. I know how important family is to you so I made sure your family name was on there, oh, and all your pockets. I remembered that you loved the pockets on your last suit so I advocated for those to stay. But of course if you don't like it we can revise-"

"It's beautiful" You cut him off with a shake of your head, genuine smile on your face. "I love it, thank you."

"Oh and look at this!" Steve enthused, sitting next to you on the couch. He took off the front panel of your suit and showed you the inside. "Luca has been a big part of your journey and obviously a big supporter of the Avengers, so we stitched a little L right over where your heart is so he can have a small part in the team and go on missions with you."

"Stop it right now." You pouted your lip as you looked at the L embroidered into the lining. "That's so cute, it's going to make me cry. He's going to be so happy."

"I'm glad you like it" Steve grinned.

You shook your head. "I love it, it's so thoughtful."

Then Steve handed you a small box that was perfectly wrapped in brown paper with a blush pink satin ribbon tied in a bow nicely wrapped around it. "This is also for you." This time, he seemed a bit shyer.

"A present? Why a present?" You questioned sweetly, unable to understand why he got you something.

"Because you deserve your accomplishments to be celebrated!" Steve enthused.

You smiled at his statement as you untied the bow and unwrapped the paper. Underneath the wrapping was a pair of airpod max headphones, the exact color you'd been contemplating getting yourself for months but never did because you knew how expensive they were.

There was also an immediate recognition your mind was quickly drawn to about how modern these were to your timeless best friend. He's gifted you music before in the form of vinyl records, a cocktail in a live jazz bar, you two even saw a concert together once. But these? They were picked out with you and only you in mind.

They were a sign that he actually listened to your silly complaint about the headphones one time in passing, and maybe even a way of telling you he actually did care that one time he claimed he didn't out of anger.

Though you loved them, and they were the nicest most thoughtful gift you could've ever been given, you were flooded with immediate guilt.

"Steven" You shook your head.

His smiles stretched wider at your reaction because he knew this was exactly what it was going to be. Even as he pressed the checkout button on his laptop to buy them for you, he could hear every argument you would use about how you couldn't accept them, but he did it anyways.

He raised his eyebrow at you. "Aren't they so pretty?!"

"They're beautiful, the exact pair I've been wanting for a long time." You nodded before trying to shove the box right back into his hands. "They're going to look great on your hard head."

Steve laughed as he pushed it back to you. "No, they're yours. If you open the box you'll see they're engraved with a 306 which means they're non refundable and custom made for you, leaving you no choice but to accept and enjoy them."

"You bitch." You deadpanned, not completely believing him until you ripped off the plastic cover and opened the box to see for yourself. And boom, there it was, an engraving just for you. "You bitch! Why? That's too much, twinkles, you didn't have to do that."

"Of course I didn't have to, but I really wanted to." Steve explained. "You've been existing with one airpod in since you-know-who ruined your headphones and I know how important music is to you. You deserve to hear music in both of your ears while also drowning out the compound nois-."

Steve was cut off by you practically leaping over the couch cushion and falling into his arms. A little oof sound escaped his lips as he wasn't prepared even in the slightest for the amount of force your body had against his, but his arms were quick to wrap around you regardless.

"Thank you so so much." You shoved your face into his neck, and your arms squeezed him tighter than ever before. "I love them and I love you."

"You're very welcome, and I love you too" Steve was more than happy to squeeze you tightly in return. "I'm so happy you're an avenger! It'll be fun getting to go on missions with you"

"I don't know if fun is the right word" You giggled while letting him go.

"You're right, there's no such thing as a fun mission, let me rephrase that." He agreed. "Missions will be so much more bearable if we can do them together."

"It's going to be so weird." You settled back into the corner of the couch and Steve sat right next to you. Tossing half the blanket over his lap wasn't even a second thought to you. "Me? Fighting alongside Iron Man and Captain America? Black widow? I think I'm experiencing imposter syndrome"

"You are more than capable" Steve reminded you.

Under the blanket, you threw your legs over his lap, and he took that as permission to move even closer to you. You two cuddled last night, so certainly there was no harm in snuggling on the couch, right?

Steve felt like a pathetic teenager once more when he realized how desperately he craved your touch, even if it was as innocent as tangled legs and touching arms on the couch. He searched for it everywhere, and soaked up every opportunity he could to just exist alongside you, and whenever he got it he felt so warm and fuzzy inside.

"Will you tell me all about being an Avenger?" You asked sweetly.

"Anything you want." Steve happily agreed as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table and settled in.

The two of you talked for hours on end all about the complexities of your jobs, but somewhere along the way it strayed far from the original topic and morphed into trivial matters such as the differences between an iced latte and an iced coffee, even down to which bodega nearby had the best sandwiches. But you claimed neither of your opinions mattered to each other anyways because you were more of a bacon egg and cheese kind've girl while Steve would always choose something far less breakfast-y and more classic sandwich-y.

It was a great conversation nonetheless, you'd always take any opportunity you could get to pick Steve's brain apart. Eventually, maintenance came to swing by and finally fix his heater, you called your mom and dad, and it was quickly approaching the time you needed to get to the winery.

Steve got ready, dressed in perfectly fitted jeans, a nice button down, his favorite leather jacket before walking you to your apartment so you could get ready too. There was no question that walking through the hallways and main spaces of the compound felt thick with tension. Whenever you walked by, agents heads would turn and they'd watch you pass as if you had committed an unthinkable crime, or maybe like you were some sort of A-list celebrity setting out into a sea of journalists watching and noting your every move.

He was proud of how you handled it like nothing was happening, but he still couldn't help the feeling of an undeniable shiver down his spine when he thought about how different this would turn out for you had he not been walking by your side.

Steve also didn't miss your sigh of relief when your apartment door closed and locked when you guys made it inside. The silence felt domestic and comfortable as Steve plopped down on the couch while you ran off to touch up your hair and makeup from this morning and change into a more formal yet still kind've casual and warm outfit for the outdoor occasion.

He felt so happy and relaxed as he listened to your music playing from a room away, but all of his chill left his body when he heard the clicking of your heels against the hardwood flooring. Not soon enough to gain his composure, you came out of your room with a huff.

"Is this outfit appropriate for the occasion?" You asked him, feeling unhappy you didn't have more time to plan for this, and reluctant in your ability to pull something together.

Steve had to work hard to keep his mind from going blank as he looked at your outfit. A pretty black sweater dress with a turtleneck and a brown leather jacket that he swore went missing from his closet a few months ago over it, some sheer black tights, and heeled boots. You looked painfully pretty, effortlessly casual yet elegant and pulled together.

"Is this the part where I'm allowed to start telling you how beautiful I think you are?" Steve asked, unable to think of anything but that.

"Permission granted, at this point in my life I need all the confidence I can get." You nodded, feeling nervous about the upcoming event.

"You look so pretty" Steve gushed like a secret he's held in for too long. "You are so pretty."

"The outfit, Twinkles" You giggled, "what about the outfit?"

"The outfit is perfect, but are you going to be cold?" He asked.

"Of course I'm going to be cold, but that's a problem for me later." You nodded.

"And your feet are going to hurt."

"A sacrifice I'm willing to make"

"You're so brave." Steve placed a hand over his heart. "Cool jacket, where's it from?"

"It's vintage" You smiled, he squinted his eyes at you.

"I don't know if I'm more upset that you said that, or that it looks better on you. Either way, I'm wounded."

"Oh please, everything you wear looks good on you. Plus, we match!" You shook your head with a smile. "If it's not already obvious, I also think you're very handsome."

"No, you can't say that to me because my knees will go weak and I'm not going to be able to get off the couch." Steve shook his head, earning your laugh.

"For such a strong man you let me have so much power." You stuck your hands out for him to take. "Come on, I'll help you and your weak knees off the couch."

You did manage to peel him off the cushions and get him out of the door, and he almost successfully safely ushered you through the whole building and to the parking garage, but unfortunately, he couldn't control the words coming out of people's mouths.

Especially when those words came from pure jealous rage. He also couldn't help how they probably hurt more when they tore you from such a good mood.

He finally managed to pull some real laughter out of you for the first time in what felt like months. The sound of your belly laugh filled his soul with so much joy as he threatened to take his jacket back after you kept poking his shoulders and pretending like it wasn't you. He fell for it the first couple of times, but you were nonchalant... until your giggles erupted when he looked behind him.

Thats how you two ended up fighting off each others arms while walking through a corridor. You fought relentlessly to keep the jacket while Steve protected his shoulders from your passionate pokes.

Both of you were so distracted by each other you didn't even notice that you weren't the only two people in the corridor, so when Steve managed to tangle your fingers with his and hold your arm above your head to stop the vicious attack, it felt like two deers in headlights when one of Harvey's friends appeared in front of you.

Immediately Steve let go of your hand, your arm was pulled back down and crossed over your chest. Your smile fell even faster.

"Well well well, if it isn't proof that you fucked your way onto the Avengers" He barked out a condescending laugh.

Steve was taken aback. He knew they were all brave enough to do this to you, but this behavior in front of him was even more bold than he thought any of these agents were capable of.

He looked between you and the agent, fully waiting for your attack on him and fully supporting your decision to do so, but instead you had completely sunken in. You didn't have a response, no remark, no reaction. You just looked sad.

"Moved on from sucking off the brainwashed fuck-wad to Rogers real quick huh?" He questioned, taking one small step towards you.

Immediately Steve put his body between the two of you. "That's enough. Repo-"

"What did she do, Cap? Huh? Did you get the winter soldier treatment as well? Was it really that good she got to move up in ranks?" He questioned, trying to make himself bigger to see your smaller frame over Steve's broad shoulders. "If it's that good maybe I should try her out myself considering she makes it so easy."

"This is your last chance to walk away before your record is damaged." Steve warned, taking a deep breath to contain his hands instinctively balling up into a tight fist.

"Harvey told me she was nice and tight when he got her but he definitely loosened her up for you. Hope you appreciate that next time she wants a new job."

Your heart slowly cracked in your chest and a lump formed in your throat over the words being spoken about you. All you wanted was to be like your old self, so willing to take on this fight that he would've never had the chance to speak another word. But now, you couldn't even bother. It felt like you had no choice but to roll over and show your belly because you were still so beat down and tired.

But you're an avenger now, you should be able to deal with this. You should be able to do anything but this.

Suddenly the walls were spinning, and your broken heart was pounding as if it had never been more put together, the floor might as well have been made of broken glass.

Just as you were about to be swallowed whole by your racing thoughts, your attention was pulled right back.

"You can do much better than that half ass ran through nymph-"

Those were the final words that came though clearly before you watched Steve lose composure. The agent swiftly walked forward trying to get around Steve to get to you. In a moment of pure rage, and in honor of all those times you were sent to Steve's office, he provided a hard kick straight to the agents dick.

Hard enough for the agent to immediately scream in pain, fall to the floor and cry. Rolled in a pathetic ball, he clutched his precious jewels, you didn't know if his pain made you want to smile or cry.

He deserved it.

"It's funny, when we started this conversation you were a little less... swollen." Steve sassed, no ounce of remorse in his tone. "I hope you appreciate me every time the nurse has to replace your ice pack."

Steve was talking, but you doubted the agent heard a single word he said over the sound of the blood that rushed to his ears and his own whaling.

Confident that there was no chance of being able to stand back up without assistance, Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number before placing it to his hear and turning around to comfort you.

You looked to be in a state of shock as he pulled you into a one armed hug. Trying to take deep breaths became a lot easier when the air started to smell like Steve's cologne.

Someone on the other line must've picked up, Steve spoke briefly and got to the point. "I made a mess in the sector A corridor, could you clean it up for me? I'm uh, accompanying precious cargo, I'd rather you be late then leave her side. Thanks, Nat."

Just like that, the agent would be taken care of, his phone slipped back into his pocket, and his precious cargo could get the full of his attention again.

His other arm wrapped around you before you could get your arms up to gently hug him back. "Thank you" You whispered.

"I'm so sorry" Steve shook his head. "That was so awful, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, I just- need to breathe I think." You spoke, definitely having an anxiety attack.

"What can I do?" Steve asked, stepping back to look at your face.

You still looked shocked and a little dazed, but you seemed relatively okay.

"Nothing." You denied. "That was... more than anyone has ever done."

"Do you want to just take some time to let that settle or should we cancel?"

"No" You shook your head, firm on your answer. "It's okay, it's a long drive there. By the time we get there it'll all be okay. I'm okay."

Steve's face softened, his body language followed quickly after. "It's okay to not be okay. That was a lot." His hand was gently rubbing the top of your arm up and down.

"He was so mean to Bucky." You sighed, trying not to let tears pool into your waterline. "Do you think people have been treating Bucky like this too? Because of me? He doesn't deserve that"

"You don't deserve this either, Buggy." Steve reminded you, nearly falling apart over the way you always thought of everyone else's feelings before your own. "Nobody is mean to Bucky to his face, people are too scared to do that."

"What if he finds out what he said?" Your big eyes looked right into Steve's. They were soft and twinkling with empathy just for you, and that brought you more comfort then he would ever realize.

"If Bucky found out what he said, he would be in a lot worse of a state than he's in right now because he would be livid that anyone was saying that about you. I'm livid too, but you're my focus."

You nodded fully understanding Steve's words, while looking over to see the Agent laying on the floor still crying, still shouting. "I did what you would do, I think it makes a pretty bold statement that this behavior cannot be tolerated anymore. No exceptions, I have to put my foot down. You don't deserve to live like this anymore."

"Thank you, Stevie."

"Natasha is going to take care of the rest, okay? He's getting fired. He'll never come back here."

"I'll get worse now, I think more of them are going to try to get me, maybe even you now." You explained.

"Then they'll all get fired and removed from the property as well" Steve challenged. "We need agents who will make the world better, these ones are very obviously not qualified for the job. And quite frankly, I'm tired of tip toeing around the issue to make them comfortable. All of them deserve to be just as uncomfortable, if not more uncomfortable than you are. I will personally make sure none of them lay a finger on you ever again."

"That's a lot of paperwork for you."

"I'll do it all, I don't care." He reassured you. "I should've done this sooner, I regret every single time I ever let these pricks pass by without proper reprimand."

"It's okay, Steve."

"No it's not." He disagreed. "Are you positive you still want to go?"

Despite the hidden sadness behind your that came back after working so hard to get it back, Steve saw your bravery right before his very twinkly eyes. "I'm positive. I think getting away from here is the best choice I can make."

Steve sympathetically grinned. "Luckily you have a lot of people who love you and want to celebrate you tonight. Hopefully some of that love helps to cancel out what just happened."

You nodded in agreement and grinned back at him as he offered you his arm to walk you the rest of the way, hopefully being closer to him would bring you a better sense of comfort.

Instead of taking it, you hooked your arm around his like intended, but slid your hand down to hold his just like you'd still be doing had it not been ruined for you.

He looked down at your interconnected fingers with a bitter sweet pinch in his brow. "What if someone sees?"

You shrugged. "No matter what I do or say, people are going to be mad. I might as well let them be mad, and let myself be happy."

"This makes you happy?" Steve questioned genuinely, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

"You've always made me happy, I've just never been brave enough to let myself enjoy it." You admitted. "But now I'm too tired to even fight with myself anymore. I have to surrender or else I'll never get to enjoy what I have while I have it."

"I'm so proud of you" Steve said sincerely. "You're a lot braver than I am because this makes me feel like I'm going to throw up."

Then, your real giggle came back and the tears that once threatened you never fell. "Are you sure you even like me? It seems like nausea is the emotion I instill in you the most these days"

Your arms swung gently between the two of you as you continued your journey to Steve's car. "The throw up is exactly how I know I like you. Nobody else makes me feel like I don't have control over the contents of my stomach whenever they look at me."

"If anybody else said that to me, I think I would be offended."

"But I said it, so you know it's a good thing."

"Has anybody ever told you that you're a true romantic?" You questioned rhetorically.

Steve giggled. "Never in my life."

"Hmm, I wonder why."

Next Part: Star crossed lover

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rogersideup · 20 days

Text

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 8

Twinkles

Series Masterlist

Previous part: Little Birdie Next Part: True Romantic

Word Count: 7,072

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI.

A week and a handful of days was exactly how long you actually made it into your two weeks before you found yourself with a mind just as hectic and busy as it was the day you left the compound. But the only difference now was that it was you and your thoughts back on an empty road on the way back to the compound.

You figured that processing your feelings and settling back in at home might've been good for you. Maybe being back in the environment that caused all of the physical and mental injury would help move the healing along faster, help you make amends and tie up all the loose ends you needed in order to really solidify your place in such an environment.

Plus, you still wanted to talk to Bucky again. You needed to bury the fight for good. And Steve... lord knows you still have a lot to figure out between the two of you... and Bucky. Okay... there was still a lot of figure out with the three of you.

The road was so dark and almost lonely with the lack of traffic happening at 10pm on a weeknight. For some reason, not even your playlist or the almost freezing temperatures outside competing with your car heater was distracting your brain from the only thought it could conjure up, which was to call Steve.

You didn't know why you wanted to talk to him, or even what to say, but your fingers even pulled up his contact on your car's display just in case.

It was already late, and you had no reason, but you couldn't stop thinking about him. Wondering if he was already asleep, you took the leap of faith and pressed call.

Your intuition was right, because before you could even press call, Steve's name popped up on the little screen and your car informed you that he had called you first.

"Hello?" You spoke, eyes glued to the open road.

"Hey, Bug." He spoke back, voice deep and raspy as if he was half asleep. "What are you up to?"

"Funny you should ask, I was literally just about to call you but you beat me to it." You told him with a smile, well aware he couldn't see it.

"Oh really? What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I don't know why I wanted to call you, but my brain was telling me I should." You explained. However, you could recognize now with the sound of his voice that there was something going on with him. He sounded sad, or maybe frustrated and definitely tired. "What's going on with you?"

"Funny you should ask" A very fake and lazy chuckle sounded. "I'm miserable at the moment, can you tell?"

"Just a little." You lied. He definitely sounded miserable. "What happened, Stevie?"

"The stupid heater in my apartment isn't working and it can't get fixed until tomorrow." Steve started. "I'm exhausted, but no matter what I do I can't fall asleep because I'm so fucking cold. I was going to ask Bucky if I could sleep at his place tonight but I saw Nat's location was in his apartment so that flew out the window."

It took a slight moment to figure out why Steve was complaining about the temperature when he was usually the kind've guy that could put up with anything. But when it clicked, you felt a billion times worse for him.

You remembered a few times Steve has confessed to you that he can't stand the feeling of being cold.. 66 years of being stuck in ice will do that to a person.

Though he had no memory of all of those long years, his brain seemed to hold onto what he felt during the first few moments of the plane he crashed straight into the arctic.

So every time Steve found himself alone in the cold, he swore he could feel his skin sting. His heart would race no matter how hard he tried to get it to slow down, it felt like the floor would start dropping below his feet, and the entire time he was waiting for pain that never came. The longer he stayed cold, the worse it would spiral.

Your eyes darted to the time displayed in your car, 10:54 pm. Then they read the outside temperature, 36 degrees Fahrenheit.

"That sounds awful, I'm sorry" You pouted. "You have my key, why don't you sleep at my place?"

There was a deep sigh through the phone line, and a few moments of silence as he contemplated what to say next. "It's okay. I'm actually not even too sure why I called you, I think I'm just trying to calm myself down."

Your pout deepened and your heart cracked. "Steve"

"Hmm?"

"Go sleep in my bed." You commanded.

"It's fine, Bug. I just wanted to talk to you. Why does it sound so... rumbly?" Steve tried to change the subject.

"Oh, because I'm driving right now." You explained. "Im using my phone's Bluetooth to turn on the heater in my apartment for you so it'll be nice and toasty when you get there."

"It's so late, why are you driving?" He asked.

"I'm actually on my way home right now." You explained keeping it vague, he didn't know which home you were referring to. "Is 73 degrees okay?"

"Bug, I can't." Steve denied, sounding remorseful.

"You can't what?"

"I can't just accept your kindness like this."

If you didn't know him so well, you almost wouldn't be able to know just from the sound of his voice that he was on the verge of tears. But i in this case, you probably knew him better that he would've liked. "Like what, Steve?"

"I still feel so bad that I hurt you." Steve explained, practically in a whisper. He was thankful you couldn't see the way his hands were shaking or the way he had to breathe through his mouth because of how fast his heart was pounding from the sheer amount of anxiety coursing through his nerves. "I can't just go seek comfort from you and invade your space after what I did. That's not fair."

Now, you felt like crying too. "We already talked about this. We can't keep holding onto what happened or it's going to make us both miserable."

"So you're still feeling better about it?"

"Since the last time I saw you? Absolutely." You reassured him. "What can I do to help you feel better right now?"

"This is more than enough." The statement was filled with the most confidence you've heard since answering the phone.

You knew he was seeking any sort of validation that you didn't absolutely hate him, so you tried your hardest to butter him up with some truthful vulnerability "I miss you"

"I miss you too." He agreed, letting his eyes fall shut. "Any chance I can see you again soon?"

You smiled, but he didn't have to know that. He also didn't have to know that you had a 35 minute ETA back to the compound. "I'm busy tomorrow, but how about Saturday?"

"Saturday works great." He declared, still miserable but he tried to be enthusiastic. "You're coming back to the compound on Saturday?"

"Yep, I'll be there." Again, not a lie. "What do you want to do on Saturday?"

"Sleep? Take a nap? Watch a movie? Take a nap while we watch movies?"

You laughed at his suggestions. "That sounds great. And what are you going to do right now?"

"Hopefully sleep and take a nap and sleep some more."

"Think some warm thoughts?"

"I wish I was a marshmallow on a stick." He mumbled.

"Love you lots, go sleep in my room."

"Love you more, no." Steve denied again. "I'll let you go now. I think I'm starting to feel a bit better."

"You think or you know?"

"I'll only know once I hang up."

"Well if you don't know, just call me back, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you for talking to me, drive safe." He didn't want to hang up, but he also didn't want you to think he was being clingy or dramatic so he decided to cut the conversation short. "Will you let me know when you get home?"

"Sure thing. Think about the marshmallow!"

A very small smile tugged at his lips. "Goodnight, Buggy."

"Sweet dreams, Stevie."

The phone-line ended and your music started again. Much like before, the road was still lonely, and you were still unable to get your mind off of Steve. Maybe even more so now than before the phone call. But there was nothing much you could even do for him from the middle of the highway, so you sang along to your playlist that was playing a bit too loud, and tried your best to ignore the uncomfortable sting settling in your lungs as anxiety took over the closer you got to the compound.

That anxiety only worsened as you pulled up, and parked in your reserved spot. You flung your bags over your shoulder and walked through the lobby to get to the elevator and up to your apartment.

The luxurious smell of the building, the sounds of the automated doors and buttons, mostly everyone walking around in their designated uniform, and all the familiar faces reminded you of the really dark place your mind forced you to live in for the long weeks before you left.

Your apartment was no help either. Dragging your feet through the living-room and into the bedroom made memories of all the hours you were stuck in bed flood back so fast you felt physically nauseated. The tossed around blankets over your couch and your bed left unmade was nothing but evidence of how fast you left the compound in the first place. As if you set out on an emergency mission to save yourself.

Luckily you had a perfect excuse to not linger for too long on your own, so you dropped your bags in the corner of your room before making your bed and let your legs carry you over to Steve's place.

After making your way all the way there, and taking a big deep breath to brace yourself for whatever was about to happen, you slid his key that you never gave back to him into his door.

Then, a voice appeared practically out of thin air. "Oh wow, never thought I'd live to see the day Rogers has a girl sneaking in" Tony commented as he walked right past you in the hallway.

"This is definitely not what it looks like." You denied Tony's remark with a shake of your head, but he didn't stick around long enough to even explain yourself.

You stuck to rolling your eyes as you entered his place. It was odd being in his apartment after so much time away, but it was exactly how it always was. Immaculately clean, decorated well, and it smelled subtly like his cologne that you loved so much.

Though you wanted to stop for a moment to reflect, it did little to keep you from walking straight to his bedroom door and opening it slowly as to not scare him.

The first thing you noticed was that his TV was on and playing a movie you didn't recognize, but it provided enough light for you to see the lump hiding beneath the covers. How you still felt the overwhelming sense of comfort you always did when you'd sneak into his bed during the sad and lonely nights. Then, you realized how cold it actually was in his apartment. The longer you were there, the more the chill in the air seeped through your clothes and raised bumps on your skin.

You couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not, but you walked towards him slowly regardless. Then, the blankets tugged around him tighter. The smile on your face spread when you realized he was awake and hiding from what he assumed was Bucky.

"Not in the mood, Punk." Steve mumbled.

A giggle escaped you as you sat on his bed. "Rude"

You watched as his head poked out just for a moment. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion before he let out a little sound of complaint, and pulled the blanket back over his head.

"Hey! Where did you go?" You questioned, smile stretching wider.

He mumbled out a statement you could barely understand, but you did catch the end. "....... liar."

"What did you call me?!" You questioned, faking offense.

There was no response other than a little laugh so quiet you almost missed it, so your hands weren't shy to grab onto the lump of muscles and anxiety covered in a pile of blankets and shake him around playfully. "What did you call me?!?!" You asked again with a giggle.

This time, he poked out just the top of his head and his stupidly beautiful big blue eyes. It was painfully obvious that he was hiding a smile despite his misery. "I called you a big fat liar" he sassed.

"I told you I was on my way home." You defended yourself with a performative gasp and your right palm straight over your heart. "I never lied!"

"I thought you were Bucky!" Steve continued, still hiding most of his face. He was thankful that the hoodie pulled over his head helped hide his messy hair.

"It's pronounced Buggy" you smiled.

"What are you doing back here so soon?"

"Stop asking so many questions, I'm here to rescue you." You enthused, but it earned another groan and the blanket back over his head. "Wow, you're really going to make my first mission back a difficult one huh?"

More gibberish grumbles sounded from underneath the blanket pile. Even if you asked him to clarify the meaning of his babbles, you knew he was still going to be unwilling to cooperate.

"Fine, you leave me no choice." You huffed while standing up from your spot and kicking your shoes off. Then, you grabbed hold of what you assumed was his shoulder and his waist, then pushed with all your might to roll him over from his back and onto his side.

Laughter he was trying his hardest to contain slipped past his lips when he heard your sounds of struggle. "I'm offended that you're huffing and puffing up there."

"Oh, so now you're speaking crystal clear?" You noted, taking in a deep breath after moving the dead weight of a super soldier. "Sorry for the huffing and puffing, didn't realize you were made of pure muscle and uranium. If I did, I would've warmed up a bit first."

"Uranium?" Steve questioned still sounding miserable, still hiding from you.

"The heaviest element on earth" you clarified, lifting the corner of the blanket pile on top of him before sliding into his bed. "It's a compliment on your big strong muscles, Stevie, don't get it twisted."

"What are you doing?!" His head lifted in confusion as you got into bed with him, under the safety of his blanket fort, and started curling yourself behind him.

The front of your body was against his back, your legs tucked behind his, and your arm wrapped around his waist to hold him nice and snug before you put your chin to his shoulder and propping yourself up a bit so you could see his face. "Providing you with the love and warmth you need to feel better, isn't that obvious?"

His big blue eyes opened to look up at you for just a moment, and when they met your gaze his stomach filled with butterflies and an undeniable blush warmed his cheeks. Then, his pretty eyes gleamed with that familiar twinkle that made the corners of your lips tug upwards.

You were so much braver than he was, because before the big blow out between the two of you, a friendly snuggle here and there was no big deal. But now that you knew the extent of his admiration for you, he didn't know if he would ever find the courage to touch you again. It was too high stakes, and way too nerve wracking for him to risk. Because if he tried his hand at you and fumbled his chance, he'd never forgive himself.

You found that hesitance to be obvious, but sweet and endearing. Much like you found his reactions to your actions to be even sweeter and more endearing.

The 6'4, 250 pound weapon of a man was nothing but putty in your hands now, and that did a number to your capacity to fight off your own repressed feelings for him. If he was putty, then you were melting like a snowman on a summer vacation. Neither of you stood a chance against each other, both of you were letting your walls fall not only down, but also apart.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut so hard that his whole face scrunched up, and let his head hit the pillow once more. "Why am I the little spoon?"

"Because I know you well, Stevenson" Your smile widened.

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"You have the most obvious little spoon energy of any person I've ever met before." You explained. "That's not a bad thing, it's just a fact. Are you not loving this?"

"That's a trick question" He huffed in complaint before nestling closer to you. "You're so warm."

"See? That'll make you feel better soon. And now you don't have to be alone, so we can take some nice deep breaths until our anxiety floats away... but of course if you hate this too much I can just leave..."

There it was. The biggest relief to Steve's mind and heart... your sassy and sarcastic spunk was starting to shine back through you. Though he still felt like pieces of yourself were lost, the smallest pieces of you were a victory to him. If he was just a little less anxious, he'd find it within himself to bounce off of your sarcasm, but right now he just needed his mind to be less busy.

Steve shook his head shyly. "I really don't hate this."

"See? So just relax." You reminded him as you settled in and let yourself fully lay down behind him. "You're so tense."

"I can never get myself to relax when I'm cold." He explained to you. "It feels like I'm waiting for something that never happens."

You could read between the lines of his words. He was waiting for a plane crash, a physical feeling of pain that he associated with being so cold.

"Nothing is going to hurt you, Stevie." You reminded him gently. Of course he knew that, but sometimes anxiety lies to brain if its victim. Sometimes a small reminder is all you need.

"I know." He agreed with a small nod, trying to get his hands to stop trembling.

"You know it's 42 degrees in here? I read the thermostat on my way in."

"Feels like it" Steve complained.

"My place is a toasty 73."

"That's lovely." He mumbled. "M'happy for you."

"You're so stubborn." You huffed, shoving your face between his shoulder and neck and placing your hand over his heart.

Steve gasped in fake offense. "Don't go searching for my heart rate! That's personal!"

"It's going pretty fast there, Bestie." You smiled, feeling it thunk against your hand before removing it from his chest and sliding it up to his shoulder so you could squeeze him just a little tighter.

"You're not helping, Bud" He admitted, trying his hardest to contain his feelings for you from oozing out through the very loose seams of his heart. The way you were squeezing his body against yours with such a lovely and gentle pressure was not helping it stay in place.

"It's pronounced Bug." You joked again. "It's obvious to me that you're still harboring a lot of guilt and that's half the reason for your anxiety right now, so we're going to stay like this until we talk it through and your hard head softened up enough to realize that I love you, and it makes me sad that you're not feeling great right now."

Steve audibly whimpered and shoved his face into his pillow, hiding away once again. "I just feel bad."

"We've already been over this. All is well."For a few moments, you had a new found sense of guilt. It felt like you had gone way too far in punishing him when it felt as though he was already punishing himself far more than he deserved. "Misunderstandings happen, arguments happen, fights happen, but it's just how the world works and it's a testament to how much we really care about each other. If we didn't care to have each other in our lives then there would be nothing to fight for, right?"

Still in hiding, Steve gently nodded his head.

"I've known you for how long?" You asked.

"Nine months" his muffled voice responded from somewhere between his face and the pillow.

You smiled. "How many days a week have I seen you in those 9 months?"

"Almost everyday, except for the last few weeks" He pouted.

"That's 279 days we've spent together and after every single one of those days, good or bad, I've still chosen to see you, or talk to you, or even think about you. And all of that, all of this has led us to right here, right now. You know why?"

Another grumpy grumble only fueled your fire to complete your mission of soothing the anxious soldier. "Hmm?"

"Because love is unconditional." You stated confidently. "And I can't let anyone I love be somewhere that's making them miserable. That's why you let me go, right? You gave me a chance to leave the compound."

Again, Steve nodded.

"And that's why I can't let you stay here tonight." Your hand squeezed the top of his shoulder. "...are you convinced yet?"

Suddenly, his head popped up "I like hearing you talk so I'm just listening while talking to work up the courage to get out of bed."

Your giggle sounded like heaven so close to his ear as you propped yourself up behind him again. "I had two more tricks up my sleeve, do you want to hear them or are we all good here?"

"I want to hear them"

"Okay the first one was that I was going to use our rooms as metaphors. We could stay here together and be uncomfortable and cold, or we could be cozy together in my warm fuzzy bed but we have to choose to move on."

"So deep and philosophical" Steve grinned. "The second one?"

"Oh the second one is cheap bait. I was going to tell you I have a family size bag of m&m's on my kitchen counter."

"Is that the truth?" He raised an eyebrow, looking back at your face to search for a bluff.

"The whole truth, and nothing but the truth." You confirmed.

"What kind of m&m's?"

One word to seal the deal, you knew it would get him up out of bed and straight into your apartment. "Mini"

"Get off of me, I have important business to attend." Steve joked with a very gentle sense of urgency, shrugging you off of his back.

You let him go and felt a sense of pride when the big beefy soldier got out of bed to follow you.

"Emergency mission?"

"Very important" he agreed, trying not to wince as the cold hair hit his skin again.

"Then put some pep in your step Rogers, we've got a mission to accomplish!"

He giggled and followed you through his room, into the living room and nearly out the front door before he passed a mirror and stole a glance at himself.

Strands of wild blonde hair were sticking out of the front of his hoodie pulled over his head. Socks on his feet, sweatpants, and the very obvious sleep deprivation causing redness under his eyes was not his best look.

"Oh wow, hope the hallways are clear because I'm going to scare people if they see me like this" Steve laughed at his reflection, getting his slippers on his feet.

"Maybe people will start treating you like you're human if they see you in something a little less business casual." You smiled, feeling happy that you got to see the usually put together soldier in such a state.

"I'm accepting it for what it is, because there's no amount of brushing or product in this world that would be able to fix my hair right now." He shrugged, following you out of the door and into the hallways.

"It's cute, you can pull it off."

No longer being able to hide his blushing cheeks from you, he bowed his head to the floor and trailed behind you all the way up to your apartment. His eyes stayed glued to the floor even as you unlocked your front door, he took that moment to fill his lungs with a big breath of air to try and snap out of the anxious daze he was in.

But as the door swung open, a big wave of warm air washed over his body and you took a step aside to let him in first. Only when he stepped into your warm living room did he feel like he could actually breathe again.

The floor felt a little more stable, his legs a little more steady, and the world seemed to have stopped its crashing and burning.

As you locked the front door and kicked off the shoes, Steve looked at your couch and suddenly felt a whole new wave of anxiety over the memories replaying in his head of that very night everything changed all because he sat in that one spot on your couch.

Then he thought of the last time he was here, the anxiety and gut wrenching guilt he felt as he trudged up to your apartment after nobody had seen you for a while, the way his heart dropped into his stomach when he found you asleep in your be-

"Stop thinking." Both your hands reached up and squeezed his shoulders from behind him. "Go to bed."

Immediately snapping out of it, he chuckled at the way you knew him so well before dragging his feet into your room, kicking off his slippers, and burrowing himself underneath your blankets this time.

You walked in a few moments later, bag of m&ms in hand, and a content grin on your face and warmth in your heart at the sight of Steve in your bed. He was already lying on his stomach with his arm above his head, and his head tucked into the ditch of his elbow.

After placing the bag of chocolate on the nightstand, you pulled the blankets over his back and sat next to him.

"Nice and warm?" You asked him, left hand rubbing small circles over his shoulder blade.

"like a marshmallow on a stick" his sleepy voice sounded.

"Cozy?"

"Mhm" Steve nodded.

"Like a bug in a rug!" You enthused, earning his laughter. "I'm happy you're here, Stevie."

"I'm happy that you're here." He turned his head to look at you, big blue eyes twinkling just for you. "A big part of me thought you'd never come back."

You let out a sigh, not being able to come up with much of a good reason why you came back. "Just felt like I had some unfinished business I had to take care of."

"Does that mean you know what you're going to do?"

You knew he was once again asking about your choice in quitting, staying an agent, or becoming an avenger, but you still couldn't quite get the insecure voice in the back of your heart and forefront of you brain to quiet down yet.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to tell anyone until after it's official so nobody tries to get me to change my mind." Your lips pressed together, contemplation turning your smile into a contemplative grin. "So right now I'm going to take a shower as fast as I can so I can get back to the blondie in my bed, then after that I'll probably lay awake all night wondering if I even know how to make good choices for myself."

"Wow, not even me?" Steve faked offense.

"I didn't even tell my Mom" You reassured him. "But I have a meeting with Fury in the morning to make my decision official so, you'll know tomorrow."

"So we're both going to be lying awake all night?"

You chuckled. "No, because I can tell you're exhausted and I already know you're going to fall asleep the second the second I stop engaging you in conversation."

"You're so mean." He smiled, eyes still wide and twinkling.

"Tell me about it." you agreed. "Are you going to be okay if I go shower really quick?"

"Mhm, I'm a big boy." He nodded.

"Okay big boy, you go to sleep, and I'll be right back" You squeezed his shoulder before getting up.

Steve was quick to let the exhaustion close his heavy eye lids, and he focused on emptying his head of it's constant racing thoughts. He listened to the sound of your drawers opening and closing, then the bathroom door closing behind you.

The sound of the shower turning on and the flowing water helped provide some comfort as he realized he finally felt safe and warm again. A lazy smile unintentionally spread across his face when your music followed, but it was playing so low he could barely hear it. One thing he knew about you was that you had to listen to music through completing any task, and you loved to share that music with everyone around you. But right now, it was quiet in consideration of him, and that was far more touching to him that you'd probably ever assume.

But that was just the effect you had on Steve, every little thing you did was so endearing to him and he just couldn't help himself for falling into you as if you were a trap perfectly designed to capture him.

Thoughts of you consumed his mind now, so much so that he slowly started slipping into a dreamy state, that was until not even two minutes after you had left him the bathroom door had opened again and he heard you walking around your room once more.

Assuming you had forgotten something, he paid it no mind. That was until your footsteps approached him, and he heard your voice whispering.

"Stevie?" Your voice was calm and gentle, and the shower was still running. "You still awake?"

"Yeah" his eyes opened again, and eyebrows furrowed in curiosity.

"Sorry, I just- I was thinking about our phone call earlier" You started before sitting down next to him again. "It's just not fair so I didn't want you to fall asleep before I had a chance to tell you."

"Not fair?" He questioned sleepily, forcefully blinking to keep his heavy eyes open.

Your nervous tight lipped grin told Steve everything he needed to know. Maybe it was just the lighting in your bedroom, or perhaps anxiety and exhaustion making him hallucinate but he swore he caught a slight blush on your cheeks.

"I can't help but to feel like maybe some of the anxiety or negative feelings you still have are because I haven't given you enough reassurance, and I'm sorry." You tried to read his expression as well as he was reading yours, but you picked up nothing but exhaustion and relief. "You know how much I love you, right?"

A small grin took over his lips and he let his eyes close in contentment, feeling a little too tired and comfortable to keep them awake anymore. But he nodded nonetheless.

"You know that your friendship and support has been a pivotal part of my career and personal growth, and I'll be loyal to you no matter what we go through?"

"I do now" he nodded again.

"Remember how I said we can explore the cute little twinkles in your eyes when things settle?" You started. "You know that's not just because I'm comfortable with it, but because I like you too, right?"

His eyes snapped open and eyebrows furrowed as if you had just set off a bomb in the bed he was sleeping in. "No, that was not made clear."

Steve swore his cheeks got so hot he could feel his heartbeat pulsing through the skin.

"Okay, well now it was!" You said with a calm and enthusiastic attitude that he could never even dream of achieving if a confession like that just rolled off his own tongue. "Glad we had this talk, I'm going to go take a shower now."

He was in pure disbelief as you stood up and walked away. "No insight on that? No further explanation?"

"You're really tired, don't want to bore you with the details." You shrugged with a playful giggle.

"I'm never going to sleep again" He said louder as you got further away.

"I don't believe you! Besides, the shower is running and I don't want to waste water." You pointed out. "I'll be right back!"

The bathroom door closed behind you, locked, then your faced scrunched up as your silently screamed and danced like a teenage girl. That locked door also gave Steve the space he needed to whimper into his elbow and mourn the person be was before his knowledge of your feelings.

You had simultaneously killed the man he once was, and birthed a new version of him. One whose thoughts were far more insufferable than the last, with approximately 4 billion questions to interrogate you with, and also less and more anxiety at the same time.

As promised, you showered quickly and changed into a loose t shirt and tight shorts you worked out in occasionally before making your way back to your bedroom. Tossing your dirty clothes into the hamper, you quietly turned off your bedside lamp leaving the room dark and slowly got into bed where Steve was, now laying on his side facing the middle of the bed.

As you got under the blankets and settled in next to him, you noticed he had taken his hoodie off leaving him in a shirt with his pretty blonde hair to be crazy on its own accord. Feeling happy that he was finally warm and content, you let your head hit the pillow, your body facing his as well.

You couldn't tell if he was asleep or not, but you didn't pay it much mind. Happy to be back with your best friend and in your own bed, time slipped away from you as fast as your conscious.

Unsure how much time had passed, an undeniable cheeky smile spread across your lips when Steve's heavy forearms reached out to you and planted itself on your waist. His touch was tentative and very experimental, your smile widened as you could feel how hesitant he was to let the full weight of his arm rest on you.

To applaud his bravery and encourage good behavior, you placed your hand on his forearm to welcome him to relax and maybe even come a little closer if he felt like it. But he immediately ripped his arm away.

"...sorry" he mumbled quietly.

You reached over to grab his wrist and pull his arm back to right where it was before deciding that you needed to be brave for him. So you moved your whole body closer to his, pulled his arm around you, and you put your arm around him. "I was trying to pull you in, not push you away."

"Sorry again" he chuckled lazily.

You could feel his body relaxed as you tangled your legs with his, and snuggled your face into his chest. How he always managed to smell like a slice of heaven was beside you, but you were happy to reap the benefits.

Tightening his arms around you and nestling his chin into your hair, he felt like there was nothing that could ever get him to give this up. There was no emergency in the world that could pull his mind away from the happiness and comfort he felt in your embrace. Really, nothing was going to hurt him.

"Comfy?" He asked you, voice deep and raspy.

"Snug as a bug in a rug." You confirmed, making him giggle.

"Sweet dreams, Buggy."

"Goodnight, Twinkles." You said, knowing he would hate the nickname you had thought of.

"How dare you" He complained regardless of being able to hear the smile in his voice.

"Sorry, Twinkles. It's stuck now. Nothing I can do to change it."

"If you insist"

You internally celebrated the win. "Love you."

"Love you more."

As the night fell and the morning rose, Steve didn't remember a single thing. He slept like the dead, and woke up in pure bliss the next morning.

He wasn't sure he had ever been so comfortable in his entire life. The two of you weren't really cuddling anymore, but your sweet little face was still facing him, and your arms still held onto each other while your bodies drifted and sprawled out to their own contentment.

Gentle morning light, your calm and gentle breaths, he could've stayed like this forever.

He looked around and noticed you were sleeping on your tummy now, one of your legs were hiked up so your knee was against his thigh, and you had kicked most of the blankets off of yourself in your sleep. Though the heater was on and he wasn't concerned about you being cold, something caught his eye and piqued his interest.

The back of your shirt hiked up and exposed some of the skin on your back. Steve had seen you in a sports bra countless times before, even naked once, but the difference was now your back was covered in a big scar.

He frowned for you, knowing that there was a permanent reminder on your body of the asshole who went out of his way to make your life a living hell. It also left him wondering what his body would look like if it allowed him to hold onto every scar and mark obtained from battle.

Then, your stupid alarm went off and had to ruin everything. Steve tried his hardest not to curse the universe for taking this moment of peace away from him as he grabbed your phone to turn your alarm off.

He gently shook your arm until your pretty eyes blinked open.

"Time to wake up, buggy." He sweetly smiled at you.

You groaned before shoving your face into a pillow. Now it was your turn to be the dramatic one. "Says who? You can't make me"

"Says Fury, your meeting is in an hour." Steve reminded you.

"You make some good points" Your giggle sounded, poking your head back out. "Good morning, Steven."

"Steven?" Steve questioned with an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"Yeah, short for Stevenson!" You said matter of factly, prying yourself out of bed and swinging your legs over the side of the mattress.

"Oh right, my full name." Steve agreed with you with all the seriousness in the world. He would stop the world from turning just to entertain your humor.

"Mhm, it's on your birth certificate." You nodded. Still sitting on the edge of your bed, you started thinking about the day ahead of you. "Hey Twinkles, I have a question."

A smile stretched across your face as you could hear his sigh at the nickname that definitely wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "How can I help you, bug." Steve's tone unenthusiastic.

"I just realized I never got my new suit back, so what am I supposed to wear to a meeting with Fury?" You looked back at him fast enough to catch a sneaky smile on his face.

"Oh there is a reason you don't have that back yet, but you don't need it just to see Fury. Wear something nice-ish, you'll be fine."

"And what would that reason be?" You questioned, finally standing up and stretching out your back.

"I guess you'll find out today." Steve shrugged, still laying down, still feeling lazy.

"You boys are exhausting to be around" You joked while disappearing into your bathroom.

Somewhere between you humming along to your music, and your footsteps around your apartment, Steve drifted off again. He wasn't necessarily asleep, but he wasn't really awake either.

Time and space didn't exist in this subliminal place, he was just happy to be around you again. It was the first time since your initial argument together that he had felt truly peaceful, and he intended on soaking in it.

...that was until you threw a pillow at him.

"Hey!" Steve complained, opening his eyes to glare at you. His heart nearly dropped to the floor when he saw how pretty you looked. You had perfectly styled your hair and put on a full face of makeup, while also donning a business casual outfit that suited you perfectly. Out of habit, Steve tried his hardest to hide the fact that he was having heart palpitations. "You are so mean."

"That was payback!" You explained. "I'm leaving now."

"Are you nervous?" Steve asked, trying to get a read on your emotions.

You watched as he finally got up out of bed. "Not really. Should I be?"

"Not really." Steve shook his head with a polite smile. "Should I be?"

You shrugged your shoulders as he approached you. "Not really."

"Good. Then all is well." He opened his arms for you, and you accepted.

Ugh. You even smelled just as good as you looked.

"As much as I'd like to stay here and hug you forever, I don't think Fury would appreciate it if I was late." You smiled against his chest.

"I think he would be mad at me too" Steve agreed with a chuckle and let you go from his arms. "Any chance you'll tell me your career choice right now before the meeting?"

"No, but I'll tell you when I get out" You giggled.

"Far enough" Steve didn't want to push you. "Good luck, Buggie."

"See you later, Twinkles."

Next Part: True Romantic

Tag List: @saranghaey @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qalijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckystevelove @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark @sincerelytlh @alexakeyloveloki @mrsevans90 @smhnxdiii @claralovescaptainamerica @hisredheadedgoddess28 @bigtreefest @whiskeytangofoxtrot555

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rogersideup · 24 days

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Your fics mean the world to me. Just wanted to let you know 💙

Your support on my fics means the world to ME 🌟🤍🥹

Thank you so much, all the love 💞

#ask isla #this makes me so happy #you guys are the best #smooches

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rogersideup · 26 days

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｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini ♊︎ ✩ ° ｡

Hi besties!

I’ve been trying to get chapters out every Monday, but the next chapter will probably be out on Tuesday or Wednesday this week because tomorrow just so happens to be the day I was born, so… I guess I have to celebrate!

But that gives you all the chance to catch up, re-read, and send me all of your thoughts to my inbox!

Okay, thanks for reading. Be back soon! Love y’all!

~ Isla 🌟

#the gemini #ask Isla #steve rogers #steve rogers fluff #captain america #captain america fluff #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans #steve rogers fanfiction #mcu x reader #chris evans fluff

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rogersideup · 28 days

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Bug is just like me (always wants to quit her job assuming it’ll fix all her life problems)

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 6

Little Birdie

Series masterlist

Previous part: Rearview next part: Twinkles

Word Count: 7,800

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.

One week.

Steve made it one whole week without you.

It was one of the longest weeks of his life.

Every day for seven days straight he needed Bucky to convince him not to text or call you. That conversation usually happened as Steve paced around his living room, while Bucky sat on his couch, threatening to get up and rip the phone out of his hands.

He couldn't even text you outside of work hours considering you blocked his number from being able to do so, but that still didn't stop the itch he felt to just see your name on his phone screen again.

Both boys were in agreement that Steve eventually should reach out and try to fix the damage that was done, because if your situation at the compound needed to get better just for the chance that you would stay, you at least needed your best friends back. But Bucky knew you deserved time and space away from all of the drama to really process it and figure out how you wanted it to end.

Bucky also knew a week of no contact with Steve would help the both of you stop fueling the fire. The harsh words would settle, reflecting back on the situation wouldn't feel as dramatic, and maybe now Steve would finally find the right words without the sight of you every day.

Plus, he would be damned if he let Steve have a conversation this serious with you over the phone.

Sure, both boys were extremely worried about you. There were a few times Bucky wanted to call and check up on you too, but he knew his own feelings shouldn't come before yours right now.

Meanwhile, the week did you wonders. You spent your days reconnecting with everything you used to love. Your favorite restaurants in the area, old friends you barely got to see now that you lived so far, the old yoga studio you attended 4 times a week, and seeing your family every day was healing in ways you didn't even know your heart could reach.

Filling the mornings and afternoons with everything you loved was important, but you knew better than to completely disregard the real issues at hand. So every night you'd go on a walk to the pretty park a few blocks from your childhood home, and meditate under the moon.

With the one airpod you had left, you'd let music shuffle and allow the lyrics to guide your thoughts. Some were a little to sad to bare, others were so on the nose you couldn't help but to listen over and over again while allowing the words to comfort you like a hug you've really been needing.

You and Steve were still friends and shared a playlist on your favorite music streaming app. Every night at the park you could see he was listening to sad music, and knew he could see you doing the same. Dramatic? Maybe. Were the sad melodies making you feel understood and less alone? Absolutely.

Eventually he got brave and while you sat under the moon and admired the stars, your headphones read the newest notification.

Steve Rogers added new song to playlist: Little Freak by Harry Styles.

You sighed, but against your better judgement you let the song play to understand what he was trying to say to you. Though the song was familiar to you, all this music was new to Steve. He loved listening to all your favorite artists and bonding over the modern music. The message was loud and clear when you heard it.

"I was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view, I was think about you. I'm not worried about where you are or who you will go home too, I'm just thinking about you. I disrespected you, jumped in feet first and I landed too hard. Broken ankle, karma rules."

You knew deep down that you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. He didn't deserve to be invading your sacred space, he knew how much music meant to you. But on the other hand, he deserved to know how much he hurt you. If he got to send you a message through song, you deserved to speak your mind too.

So you added a new song to the playlist as well. My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift.

"Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me? Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you till my dying day. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. You're the hero flying around saving face. If I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed? Look at how my tears ricochet."

After that, your phone was silent and nothing else was added to your playlist. You could see he listened to the song, then once it was over he was no longer active on the app.

You'd usually let your mind really reflect on what happened and what you wanted going forward, but you found that Steve took up most of your thoughts, and what to do about your career always came second to him.

It seems like your Mom and Dad's advice always leaned towards joining the Avengers. But why wouldn't it? All they ever wanted for you was to find something you love and run as far as you could with it.

Jane would've preferred you leave the field completely. You knew the nature of your job left her in a permanent state of unease about your safety, but you always reassured her that you were in good hands so you'd be okay.

Nathan was a little more understanding that not everything was so black and white, so he played devils advocate for all sides, and of course Luca wanted you to join the Avengers.

Hearing all of their perspectives was helpful to see the bigger picture, but at the end of the day, only Jane and Nathan knew the extent of what happened. You kept the whole Steve and Bucky situation away from your parents for the same reason you kept it away from Luca, you didn't want to ruin the illusion of a superhero for them.

Also.... Your parents really didn't need to know the nitty gritty on your escapades with the winter soldier.

All good things came to an end, especially having your whole family under one roof. After a whole week together, Jane, Nathan, and Luca had to go home to get back to their own life, while your mom and dad left to go on a few day vacation they had planned months ago. So it left you, and the family dog, Rocket, you happily agreed to take care of in their absence.

It was actually kind've nice to have time to yourself. You filled the day with morning yoga, brunch with a friend, some journaling and therapy, and a much needed nap. As the sun went down, you threw a toy around the house to try and get Rocket's energy out but it didn't help much. So after you cooked and ate dinner, you grabbed a tennis ball and walked him a few blocks to the park.

Luckily he was allowed off leash, and there was one other dog there for a little while that took an immediate liking to him, so they ran around and tuckered each other out while you sat on the grass and watched.

Eventually his little friend left, so it left just the two of you, the tennis ball, and the twinkling stars above head.

As lame as it felt to admit, the small spotty brown dachshund filled your soul with so much joy that you couldn't wipe the smile off your face. Throwing the ball, and watching his little legs carry him so far, so fast with tiny little hops was definitely one of the cutest things you've seen in a while.

He was a brave and trusting little creature in most aspects of life, but when the rumble of an approaching motorcycle got a little too loud for his liking, Rocket came running back to your side with his tail between his legs.

Sitting by your side, you picked him up and held him close to your chest while speaking calming words to him that he definitely didn't understand. You pressed little kisses to his forehead, and he licked your cheek in return causing you to laugh.

Feeling a little annoyed that the motorcycle pulled into the parking area for the park you were occupying on your own, you stayed vigilant of your surroundings. Fully prepared to leave when the man got off the bike, you set Rocket down and started reaching for his leash before the dog started running towards the man who was now walking towards the both of you.

"Hey! Rocket, no!" You jumped up from your spot to chase after the irrationality fast weenie. Tail wagging, and happy wiggles took over his little body as he hopped up on his back two legs to greet the stranger. "I'm so sorry! He usually never does this, I don't know why he's... oh."

I'm front of you stood none other than Steve Rogers himself, looking delectable and cozy in a cute teal crewneck and some casual pants with sneakers on. You immediately had a billion and one questions, but he was very obviously taken by Rocket who was also very obviously taken by Steve. There was a serious love as first sight situation happening as Steve leaned down with a big smile on his face to say hi to the little dog.

"It's okay!" Steve giggled, squatting down to get closer to Rocket. "He soooo stinkin' cute!"

"What are you doing here?" You asked, feeling throughly confused, and immediately feeling a little defensive and protective.

When he looked up at you, your arms crossed over your chest as a form of self soothing. It had been so long since you felt this uncomfortable energy, and having it ripple through your body once more felt like reconnecting with an old friend.

"Oh, I was just in the area." Steve said sarcastically, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

"Right." You agreed. "Casually in the area two hours away from home... on a motorcycle?"

"An hour and 45 minutes is only an hour and 20 on a bike." Steve noted with a shy smile.

"And how did you know that this area you so happened to be in was the same place I was, even though I never told anyone where I was?" You tilted your head to the side.

"Oh, it's easy. A little birdie told me." Steve noted.

"What was the bird's name?"

"That's not important." He denied, still smiling at the dog but standing to his full height.

"I don't know, feels kind've important to me." You hated that you had to hold back a smile as you looked at him. And you hated even more that you couldn't stop thinking about how stupidly cute he looked with helmet hair and a cozy crewneck on.

"Do you want to sit and chat?" Steve asked, suddenly seeming nervous. "...if not that's fine we can talk a different time if you want."

"You came all this way just to talk?" You questioned.

Steve swallowed nervously as he nodded.

“You could've called me." You challenged.

"Sometimes I think the old fashioned way of doing things is better." He shrugged. "...Also you blocked my phone number after work hours."

You sighed and pointed to your blanket on the grass. "Sit."

He quickly nodded and obeyed your orders. He sat first, and you sat next to him, Rocket trailed behind with the tennis ball in his mouth before happily handing it to Steve.

"Who is this little guy?" Steve asked, throwing the ball for him.

"Rocket"

"Like the raccoon?"

“No, he's my parent's dog. They just thought the name suited him. But they're out of town for the next 3 days so he's mine until then." You explained.

"I heard you spent some time with your family. You look a lot happier, do you feel better?"

"So Jane was the birdie who told you where I was." You noted.

"Will not confirm nor deny."

"Mmm" you hummed, reading between the lines. "Yes, it was very nice spending time with people who love me. I do feel a lot better, but it's going to take a lot longer than a week to heal from everything that happened."

"Of course it will, but all that matters is that it's getting a little better everyday." Steve noted. "I don't know if this helps, but I think I put the fear of the devil into Harvey and all his friends. Should you choose to come back, I don't think they would be an issue for you anymore."

"Do I even want to know what you did to them?" You asked.

"I don't think the details really matter too much right now." Steve shrugged once more.

A very uncomfortable silence fell over the two of you, so you threw the ball for Rocket this time.

"Would you like to talk about the hard stuff?" Steve raised.

"Can't we just talk about the weather?" You complained, dreading the inevitable.

"It's pretty chilly out tonight." Steve noted. "You're not cold?"

"Nope." You exaggerated the P at the end of the word.

"Good chat." Steve giggled at the astronomical amount of discomfort and awkwardness you were exuding. "This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it."

"I haven't cried in a few days." You told him. "I'm dreading losing my streak."

"Crying is healthy, and so is expressing emotions." Steve told you. "For example, I really missed you and I've been worried about you for a while now, so I'm here to express that."

"Oh, so you weren't just in the area?" You questioned.

"I took my motorcycle to get to you as fast as I could, because I waited a whole week and every single day that passed by without me giving you a much needed apology was killing me slowly with an amount of guilt I didn't even know was possible for a human being to feel. So no, I was absolutely nowhere near the area."

"Was that the apology?"

"No." Steve denied. "I'm really sorry for everything that's happened. I feel like every interaction I've had with you this past month has been a really bad reflection of my character. I should've went about the whole situation with a lot more logic and understanding, and I should've just listened to you and Bucky before letting anger get the best of me. It wasn't fair to you."

Your eyes stayed fixed on Rocket as he hopped around the grass, he watched you slowly nod while processing his words. "I never meant to hurt your feelings, and if I knew back then what I knew now, Bucky and I would've never..."

"I know." Steve saved you from having to finish that statement. "And our last training was just... completely unacceptable. I wish there was a logical explanation as to why I was so upset that day. Quite honestly, every time I even start to think about it I feel just horribly embarrassed and completely mortified. I'm sorry for not listening to you and telling you that I didn't care. I'm sorry for scaring you and completely breaking your trust. Most importantly I'm really fucking sorry for hurting you. I should've listened better and walked you to medical the second you said something, and the fact that I only made it worse has kept me awake every night since it happened."

"Bucky said you were having a tough few days." You noted.

"It doesn't matter." Steve declined. "I need to do better than that, and I will. You were having some really hard days too, but you never used it as a reason to treat me like shit."

“I was pretty shitty to you."

"But within reason."

"I told you to ignore my existence, called you some not so nice names, yelled at you a few times..."

"Because I pushed you to that level of anger."

"The fact of the matter is that you felt that way because you felt disregarded and disrespected by Bucky and I, and for that, I'm sorry too." You apologized. "I know you weren't interested in hearing me out before when this all happened, and at the time none of the words really came out right. So if you're open to it, I feel like I'd really like a chance to explain the choices I made."

"Of course." Steve practically whispered with a subtle nod, throwing the ball once more for the dog. "But don't feel obligated to. I don't think I would've come all this way if I hadn't already forgiven you."

"This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it." You used his own words against him.

"Ah, so you do think we could make it better?" Steve asked.

"Why wouldn't I want it to get better?"

Steve sighed. "You made it pretty clear in a few different ways that you didn't want me as a friend or even around you at all anymore. A big part of me was expecting you to turn me away for good when I showed up here."

"Oh... sorry." You mumbled sadly, suddenly feeling bad about all the words you shouted at him out of pure, hot red anger.

"S'okay."

"Growing up, I was never really the center of attention for anything. I was never good at anything, I got straight B's in school, I had 2 friends at most. Even as I got older and went through high school I wasn't paid much attention to. I never had a boyfriend, I struggled a lot to make friends, once I even went to my teacher to ask him a question 4 months into senior year and he thought I was a new student even though I had been sitting in the second row of his class every single day."

"...yikes." Steve cringed.

"Yikes is right." You agreed. "I never thought I would exceed at anything at all in life. My big plans were finding a 5-9 desk job to make ends meet then just keep going until I didn't have to anymore. Then I discovered the joy of helping people, realized maybe I'm not all that bad at it, and before I knew it I was at Shield. Then all of the sudden I went from never getting much attention my entire life, to having all eyes on me at all times. I was being held to impossibly high standards, the boys wouldn't leave me alone, it felt like regardless of where I was in the building, there was this big huge spotlight on me."

Rocket had finally gotten too tired to play with his ball, so he came back to you and Steve, and laid down right next to Steve's leg. "Even I was hearing about you before you had made it to high enough ranks to work with me."

"Getting no male attention your whole life will kind've mess you up a bit, but going from no male attention to getting thrown into the compound where only a handful of other women work will mess you up a lot."

"Like throwing a zebra into a pack of lions."

"Even that feels like an understatement." You grinned. "Harvey was the first guy I met that didn't feel like he was going to eat me alive, so I stuck with him."

"He was your first boyfriend?" Steve asked, sounding genuinely appalled.

"He was my first everything." You admitted shyly. "I thought he was one of the good ones, like that one boy you waited your whole life for. But obviously I was stupid, and that turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes of my life."

"He's the stupid one, not you." Steve denied.

"When I met you and Bucky, it was a big breath of fresh air. You guys helped me realize that Harvey was bad for me, but at that point I was already convinced he would be the only guy who would ever be stupid enough to fall in love with me. So I stayed way longer than I should've, but in the meantime I felt like I had opened up to you and Bucky far more than I ever had to Harvey. We started training together and talking more, and at that point I felt like I had given you so much more of myself than I had ever given anyone else in my life. Which I know sounds odd, but we were having these really good conversations that made me feel really vulnerable but in a good way, and we had built so much trust and understanding of each other that I never had to question what your intentions were when you were around."

Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. That was the only word Steve could think of at the moment. How he felt, how he treated you, how he made you feel, he was an asshole.

"I'll spare you details, but after Harvey and I officially called it quits obviously I was really fucking sad. I wanted to see you, but you were away on a mission and I just needed to be with a friend so I went to Bucky's place instead. I had all of this new found freedom, paired with this gut wrenching feeling that I was going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my life, and a good friend in front of my face who was just so kind and gentle...things just happened. I wasn't the one to initiate, but I definitely didn't put a stop to it because for once it was really nice to feel wanted. We didn't even kiss or see each other naked, it felt like less of a big deal to me and far less vulnerable or intimate than most of the stunts and challenges I let you guide me through in training. Bucky and I weren't trying to be malicious and we had no bad intentions in our choice to not tell you, I was just afraid that you wouldn't understand and that you'd take it the wrong way. Which, with all due respect, you didn't understand and by the time I even got a chance to try to explain it to you, we were both so angry and defensive that none of the words would come out right."

Working up the courage to look at Steve to gauge any sort of emotional reaction from him, his face was full of remorse as his eyes stayed set on the dog as his hands gently pet his long body and scratched the top of his head.

You took the chance to take a deep breath and let your palm sink into the fluffy park grass, one last ditch effort to ground yourself before the getting into the hardest part of the conversation. "That fear of misunderstanding and miscommunication is exactly why you didn't tell me or Bucky or anyone for that matter that you liked me. And just like how the information about what Bucky and I did got to you in the wrong way at the wrong time, that information got to me in the very wrong way at the very wrong time. And just like you, I didn't understand, and I felt hurt and betrayed because of it."

You watched Steve's cheeks turn red before he hid his face in his hands and let out a groan, earning a little smile from you that he couldn't even see. "Can we just talk about the weather again?"

"Sure thing." You agreed. "I think I lied to you on accident, because now I am kind've cold."

"Wow I'll never forgive you." He joked dryly, mumbling into the palms of his hands.

"That's okay, we can add it to the list of dumb shit we gotta talk through." You giggled. "Well, seems like that covers the weather category again. Are you ready to come out of hiding?"

He peeked one eye out between his fingers. "No. I kind've wish the floor would swallow me whole right now."

"Wow, I didn't think that you had a weak spot, but I found it." You enthused.

Although it was at much too high a cost, seeing a genuine smile on your face for the first time in over a month was like a big breath of fresh air to Steve.

"I'm not covering my ears, I can still hear you perfectly fine. Please continue." He grumbled.

"Just to put you out of your misery and conclude that horrifically long sob story I just subjected you to..." You started. "I was only hurt in that moment because after fooling around with Bucky and getting the information that you liked me sprung on me, it felt like I had lost the only two people in the compound who didn't see me as or treat me like an object of some weird sexual fantasy. Part of me even felt mad and embarrassed at myself for believing that we could've been friends without you guys seeing me that way. Plus, I had all those people in the compound already saying the only reason I was getting so far in my career was because I was sleeping with you, and I so desperately didn't want them to be right. So, all of that being said, I'm sorry too, I should've never been so mean to you. I'm sorry that Bucky and I hurt you, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and not letting you explain yourself while accusing you of things you'd never do."

"Like I said earlier, I already forgave you." Steve slowly let his hands fall from his face, cheeks still stained a pretty pink color.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve an apology." You reminded him. "We both hurt each other, it's not fair for you to take all the blame."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up" Steve took a deep breath.

"Don't do that" you shook your head. "Please don't throw up."

"I hope you know that our friendship has always meant a lot to me, and absolutely none of it was a scheme to sleep with you." Steve braved through the hard part of the conversation he absolutely wished he never had to think about again.

"Yeah, I do now." You reassured him. "I'm sorry I said that."

"I really just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Steve explained. "Especially in an environment where you were already getting eaten alive. Plus I was your boss, and you had Harvey, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship... and, yeah, I dunno. It was just a mess. I didn't tell Bucky because I didn't want him to tell me to tell you. He figured it out on his own, by the way. Apparently my eyes twinkle too much, whatever that means."

"I'm not uncomfortable, and yeah, you do have really twinkly eyes." You grinned.

"I guess that's your fault" Steve jokingly sassed.

"Oh so now we're pointing fingers?" You took fake offense.

"From this point on, I'd really like it if everyone could just ignore the twinkle in my eyes so we can all get back to being friends like we were before." Steve said, giving you a really easy escape to officially denying him.

"But I think the twinkles are so pretty!" You enthused, giggling when you could practically see his heart drop.

"You shouldn't be saying things like that when you know I already feel like throwing up." Steve shook his head and clutched his stomach.

"But I mean it." You confirmed. "Knowing what I know now, why would we ever go back to being how we were before?"

Steve swallowed thickly, then his hands started exaggerated movements to further get his point across. "I'm trying to give you an easy way out of telling me you don't want me back in the same way."

"I understand, but that wouldn't be true." You giggled. "I do remember you stating very clearly that you aren't my boss anymore, am I remembering that correctly?"

"No, technically I'm not you b-" He rambled quietly.

"Do we think this would do anything to harm our sweet little Bucky boy?"

"No. He's been going out with Natasha and has been trying to get me to ask y-"

"You we're so kind as to cut me some deals, so I've got one for you too. Let's take some time to let everything settle and heal over, then when the time is right, we'll explore more of that little twinkle, alright?"

"Okay." Steve nodded wide eyed and enthusiastic.

"Yeah? Are you going to throw up?" You questioned with a smile.

"Maybe only a little bit." He continued nodding.

"I guess that's better than a lot-a-bit" you justified.

"So we're okay?" Steve asked, twinkly eyed and puppy dogged face.

"We're okay." You confirmed. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you really need it."

Steve opened his arms for you, and you both had to awkwardly lean over Rocket who was instantly stayed tucked next to his leg. Embracing him tightly, you realized just how badly you needed it too.

Both unwilling to let go for a little while, you took the time to appreciate his body heat that was a stark difference between the cold air outside.

"I'm sorry." Steve quietly apologized again.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too." You accepted. "I really missed you, Stevie."

"I missed you too, Bug. I've been so worried about you lately." One of his hands was very sweetly rubbing your back.

"Sorry." You sighed. "I've been trying my best."

"I know. That doesn't make me worry any less."

"I love you." You reminded him for the first time in a while.

Steve relaxed and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding onto. "I love you more."

Although you could've hugged him forever, the two of you mutually unwrapped yourself from each other.

"How is your shoulder?" He questioned remorsefully.

"Oh, it's fine." You told him. "It feels so much better. I've been doing yoga all week and it's held up nicely."

"Good, that's good." He nodded. "And have you put any thought into what you're going to do about your job?"

"Everyone seems to want me to do something different." You sighed. "I've been coming here almost every night just to think about it. It's really nice that the sprinklers don't turn on at 10 pm."

“What do you want to do?"

"I think I know what I want, but I'm really scared of making the jump." You explained.

"I'm not here to talk you in or out of anything, I was just curious." Steve grinned. "You still have the rest of the week to think it through. But just know that I have no doubt in your ability to handle a big scary jump"

"I can usually only handle big scary jumps because most of the time, you're down at the bottom waiting to catch me." You admitted.

"Well regardless of what you choose, I'll still always be here for you." Steve reminded you sweetly. "I just hope you do what you think is best for you, and not what other people want you to do."

“That's the thing, I don't think I know what's good for me."

"Are you kidding me? You have great intuition." Steve said. "Your just need to gain back trust for that little voice in your head that's telling you what to do."

"The same voice that bullies me every day?!" You asked with a giggle. "Absolutely not, she gets no say in any of my choices nowadays."

Steve close lipped smiled at you, his dimples setting deep into his chiseled cheeks. "Then forget you even have a brain and listen to your heart."

"She's also been really problematic recently." You noted. "I don't like her very much right now."

His smile turned into a pout. "That sounds like a very tough thing to not like about yourself."

"Tell me about it." You agreed. "But we're working on it."

"Once again, I guess that's all that matters." Steve noted. "So you can't make a big decision with your heart or your head, and your shoulder is out of the question. We're running low on body parts."

"Maybe I'll let Rocket make the choice for me." You grinned at the sleepy dog.

"I think Rocket should be an Avenger... actually, I think Rocket should come home with me and be my dog instead." Steve smiled, petting the dog once more.

"My parents would hunt you down for sport if you ever took this dog." You giggled. "He's their favorite child."

"But I love him!" Steve pouted like a child. "He's just so fucking cute! Have you seen these ears?!"

"No pets allowed at the compound" You reminded him, nudging his arm. "Maybe that's all the more reason to quit."

“I think that's reason to break the rules, not to quit." Steve corrected.

"Captain America suggesting I break the rules?!" You questioned with a gasp.

"Am I not the same man who's whole career was founded off of breaking the law?" Steve questioned right back. "When have I ever followed the rules?"

"Wow, bad to the bone."

"That sounded sarcastic." He noted as his eyebrow raised in question.

"Me? Sarcastic? Never." You denied.

Rocket readjusted to get more comfortable, but crawled into the hole within Steve's crossed legs and curled up into a little ball in his lap, with his head resting on his thigh.

"Okay that's it." Steve declared, fists balling up to keep himself from unleashing his cuteness aggression on the creature in the form of hugging him so tight his eyes popped out of his head like a stress ball. "I can't take this anymore. How bad would your parents beat me up if I stole this dog? Because really, I think I could take the beating."

"I simply cannot express to you how much taking this dog away from my parents is not an option." You laughed at his question. "I think my Mom would run you over with her car."

"No way she would do that." Steve shook his head. "She was so nice when I met her!"

"She would not be nice if you stole her weenie." You pointed out.

"Come on, she gave me a hug. No mom that's giving out free hugs could ever hit me with a car."

"That's where you're wrong. Because any woman that has so much love for her kids would do anything to seek rightful justice if you did anything to fuck with them." You corrected him. "Even if she's five foot nothing, and you're Captain America. Don't mess with her baby."

“Oh no" Steve's eyes went wide.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh shit." He panicked. "Do your parents hate me?"

"No? Why would they hate you?" You questioned with a nervous laugh.

"Because I accidentally fucked with your Mom's baby and now she's going to do anything to seek rightful justice." Steve clutched the fabric of his sweater right over his chest. "The throw up is coming back."

"I didn't tell them anything about you or Bucky, other than that you didn't let me quit right in the spot." You explained. "They love you and all of the Avengers too much for me to ever ruin their perception of the people who make them feel safe."

"So why do they think you're here?" Steve asked.

"I only told them about Harvey and the general issues I'm having with all of the other agents."

"Your sister knows." He said. "She made a weird comment..."

"She always makes weird comments, that's just what makes Jane, Jane." You smiled. "Yes, she knows, but she likes you a lot. I think she even took your side, she's been advocating for you the whole time."

"She's going to tell your mom, and your mom is going to hunt me for sport."

"No she won't, and even if she does find out about it, she's a very rational person. As long as we're fine, she's fine." You explained. "Look I'll prove it to you, say cheese!"

Quickly taking your phone out of your pocket and pointing the camera at Steve and Rocket, he smiled and you snapped a picture. He watched you type away for a few moments.

You sent the picture in a group chat with your mom and dad, then immediately got a response.

"See! Look! I said, look who came by to hang out with your favorite child." You giggled at your screen, turning it towards him so show that you sent them the picture. "My mom responded and said omg, Dad is honored. We don't know who is cuter, Rocket or Captain Rogers."

"Okay now ask if I can steal the dog." His cheeks turned an even brighter shade of pink.

"I thought the point was to make sure my mom liked you" You laughed, locking your phone and putting it on the grass besides you. "Trust that I'm doing you a favor."

"Fine, but I'm not happy about it." He joked.

"I didn't know you felt so passionately about wieners, Steven." You giggled.

"What can I say? There's nothing better than kicking back and playing with a wiener." He ran with your joke.

"A nice, long wiener."

"This is ridiculous" Steve's face scrunched up, earning more of your adorable laughter.

Like no time had passed, you and Steve sat and chatted away for a few hours. You could tell the comfortable conversation was helping him resolve his own internal guilt, so you were happy to stay and chat for as long as he needed. But selfishly, you missed him more than you ever wanted to admit to yourself.

His adorable smile and pretty pink cheeks lit up a part of your heart that you had felt so disconnected from for so long now. And as the night grew colder, and significantly later, he couldn't just ignore the occasional chills that would make you momentarily shiver. You kept ignoring them and playing them off just to spend more time with your sweet friend, but eventually you ended up tucked underneath his arm and snuggled up to his side for warmth while Rocket stayed glued to his lap.

There was little you could do to ignore how comfortable and familiar it felt to be sharing warmth with the soldier. By all means, both Steve and Bucky were touchy people on a normal day to day basis, plus all of the training you did with Steve made you very comfortable with his skin on yours.

But this was different. His head that nestled on top of yours that rested on his shoulder, his big hand on the top of you arm keeping you close and snug against him, paired the gentle and quiet volume in his voice wasn't just friendly.

His hold was apologetic, and almost regretful. It was reconnecting, and mending. You could feel all of his unspoken words seeping out from his warm body to into your cold one, and you wondered if he could feel the same thing happening to him through your timid hand resting between his shoulder blades.

Just based on his calm breaths, but still racing pulse that you could feel on his neck, you knew it was different for him too.

But it was a good different, a hopeful and very exciting different.

Much like your shivers that you ignored and played off, Steve was trying to mask his yawns. Unfortunately, this was something that you couldn't ignore. Especially when you pressed the button on your phone and the screen informed you that it was already 11:52pm.

"As sad as I am to have to put an end to this, it's already almost midnight and your crazy ass drove an hour and a half here on a motorcycle." You reminded him.

"I just got you back, I don't want to leave you again." He pouted.

"I don't want you to leave either, but I'd prefer if you got home safely." Your timid hand now gently rubbing short stripes on his back. "Or you can stay the night with me here if you'd like."

A sleepy grin overtook the sat pout. "Thank you, but once again I don't want your parents to hate me. Plus I have my stupid annual physical in the morning."

"My parents wouldn't hate you, they'd rather you be safe than drive home tired."

"I'm not that tired, I'll be okay." He reassured you. "And you can't come back to the compound?"

"No, I have to watch Rocket." You reminded him. "But I'll see you in a few days at least. I'll be back before the end of the week."

"Oh, you'll be back?" He raised an eyebrow, challenging your statement.

"To give my official resignation at the very least, or to move all of my stuff into the Avengers sector at the very most. Who's to say what's going to happen?" You giggled.

"Well, when you need help moving let me know. I know a couple guys that can lift a few thousand pounds at a time, it helps the process go by really fast." Steve egged you on.

"Uh huh, I'll keep that in mind." You rolled your eyes with a smile, and wrapped your other arm around his front to squeeze him in a sideways hug. "Thanks for coming all the way here. It was really nice getting to have a conversation with you, I really missed spending time together."

"Of course. Thank you for even giving me the chance to explain myself. If I were you, I don't know of I would be able to be that gracious." He squeezed your shoulder in appreciation.

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you." You grinned.

"Oh yeah? What wouldn't you do?" Steve questioned with a chuckle.

"I won't let you steal my moms dog." You stated. "Which reminds me, I'm going to need that back."

"Okay, I guess you can have him back. " Steve smiled and picked up the little fur-ball from his lap and placed him on yours instead. "Thanks for letting me play with your wiener."

"Feel free to come back and play with my wiener anytime." You laughed at his joke, unwrapping yourself from him as he started standing up.

"What an incredible offer, thank you" Steve smiled, now standing over you and offering you his hand to help you up.

"Like I said, anytime." You playfully winked.

Quickly putting on Rockets leash, you set the dog on the grass and accepted Steve's hand. He pulled you up effortlessly and bent over to grab your blanket from the grass.

"How far away is your parents house?" Steve questioned, subconsciously folding the blanket.

"About two blocks" You shrugged.

"Can I walk you guys home?" He asked, eyes twinkling once more as he shoved his hands in his front pockets to keep them warm.

"Absolutely not" You denied.

He was immediately pretending to be offended with a big gasp and hand whipped out of his pocket and over his heart. "Ma'am, it is pitch black out here and it's already midnight."

You laughed at his response. "Sir, it's pitch black and midnight. Your motorcycle is right there. I'm not letting you walk me two blocks in a neighborhood I'm familiar with because that means you'll have to walk another two blocks back here all by yourself somewhere you've never been. Logistically it makes no sense."

Steve puffed and furrowed his eyebrows. "What if some creepy dude comes and tries to mess with you? Huh? Then what?"

"Then I use all my big and scary self defense moves that Captain America taught me." You answered. "Also, do you not see this big scary guard dog? Nobody is going to fuck with me."

His pout deepened. "What if you start walking home and some dude on a motorcycle follows you all the way home?"

"Is that what's going to happen?" You giggled at his question.

"If you keep saying you're not going to let me walk you home then maybe it will." Steve shrugged.

"I've been walking by myself this late every single night for a week now." You told him. "It's always been fine, it'll be fine again."

"Now you're just trying to give me a heart attack." Steve deadpanned, earning your laugh once again.

"So I'm a good enough fighter to be an Avenger, but not good enough to walk to my parents house by myself?" You asked.

"Yes, exactly!" Steve enthused. "So glad we could have this conversation to clear that up, come one let's get you home."

His arm linked around yours and he started walking. "I think you're absolutely out of your mind, but I appreciate you nonetheless."

Looking up at his face just in time, you caught his smile. "The second half of that statement is really the only part that matters to me."

Your steps synched up with his, and Rocket walked ahead of the two of you. "Hey, Stevie?"

"Hmm?"

"If you actually want to get me home, we should be walking in the complete opposite direction" You grinned.

Steve stopped and laughed. "Okay, you lead the way."

You did eventually make it home, and only when you stood on the door step did Steve let your arms disconnect.

"Look we made it here and nobody died!" You enthused. "Do you remember how to get back?"

"Of course I do" Steve giggled at your question. "It wasn't even two full blocks."

"Just making sure" you raised your hands in defense. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

"I would if I could." His thankful grin showed off the shallow dimples in his cheeks. "See you soon?"

"In a few days" you nodded in confirmation.

He stuck his arms out for one last hug, and you accepted happily. After he let go of you, he bent down to say bye to Rocket.

"Drive save! Text me when you get home." You told him.

Steve's face scrunched up for a second, causing you to look at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"You blocked my phone number" He reminded you with a loud whisper.

"I'll unblock it, but text me when you get home" You giggled.

"Okay great!" Steve smiled big and did a little happy dance. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, love you!"

"Love you more!" He waved as he walked down the driveway.

Next Part: Twinkles

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