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rishiguro · 4 days

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no words.

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rishiguro · 8 days

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58; ASSISTANCE

you didn’t know what time it was. you’ve been in bed most of the day, occasionally sat on a chair if you felt like walking a few steps.

you wanted to sleep, but you couldn’t. so instead you opted to do something that was equally as productive: doing nothing.

that was until you heard the door knock. “it’s sakusa,” the nurse‘s voice sounded muffled through the wooden door.

“come in”

you quickly glanced at him before turning to the window, playing with your fingers in your lap. “you know you don’t have to announce yourself every time. i’ll let you in anyways,” you said and shrugged, “i know it’s you”

“maybe you just shouldn’t let anybody in if you don’t know who they are,” he quipped back. you could hear that he had a very slight smile on his lips. “serial killers in the seventies would’ve loved you, not even locking your doors”

you turned back to him, raising your eyebrows a little. “i can’t even lock it”

he shrugged. “besides, it’s common courtesy”

you didn’t reply, instead opted to continue to stare outside. honestly, you didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

all you wanted was to rot in your bed and waste the day away.

“it’s been a while, i’m going to open the window”

you nodded and just a short moment after he entered your field of view. after letting the fresh air in, sakusa still stood in front of the open window.

it was pleasantly warm and sunlight entered your room. a warm late spring-early summer day. for a short moment the thought of going outside crossed your mind.

to feel the warm sun on your skin again, feel the breeze caress your cheeks and hear some birds chirping above you as they sat on a tree branch. you would want to take a deep breath in and out and a smile would appear on your face.

for a short moment, life would feel okay again—like everything would be alright. you would feel free, away from this place. it would be like you were just outside your home, maybe in the park, with your friends or your boyfriend accompanying you.

but it wouldn’t be. you wouldn’t be at the park just a few blocks away from your home. you wouldn’t be able to take a deep breath in so easily and you wouldn’t be outside with iwaizumi, aran or anybody else.

deep inside, you would know that you were outside with your assigned nurse, strolling inside the garden of the hospice you were currently in and you would feel the nasal canulla directing oxygen into your lungs and the oxygen tank right beside you.

no matter what, you couldn’t escape your reality, not even for a small moment.

but oh how you wanted to.

suddenly, you noticed how sakusa had turned around and nodded at you. “come on, get up,” he said.

you looked at him all confused, mentally checking your calendar. did you forget something? no, you couldn’t have. “why? i don’t have an appointment, do i?“ you responded with a frown.

he agreed with you before motioning you to get up again. “we’re going for a walk. weather is nice and it’s too stuffy here,” he proposed, looking at you expectantly. when he noticed that you refused to move, he glanced outside again. “i’m already getting a headache”

“no thank you,” you simply said, turning your upper body away from him. if it was such a pain for him to be in this room, he could leave. you didn’t call for him in the first place and you certainly wouldn’t make him stay here and keep you company— especially not if he’d feel uncomfortable.

sakusa cleared his throat. “that wasn’t a question,” he said with a stern voice. looking back at him, you could see how he stared at you with a raised eyebrow, the same look you would have when you had tried to get atsumu to move and make space for you on your own couch or when suna was about to pull some stupid shit again.

much to sakusa’s dismay, you still didn’t make an attempt to move. he sighed. “come on. sunlight will do you good. you’re so pale, i can practically see through you”

you kept quiet when he started to move away from your bed. for a short moment you hoped that he gave up and was about to leave you alone, yet instead of opening the door, he navigated towards your closet and pulled out a thin jacket. “please,” he tried again, holding the black jacket in one hand, the other extended to you.

“fine”

a small and rare smile appeared on his lips and sakusa immediately rushed to your side and offered you his hand, which you took. after standing up and slipping into some shoes, the nurse helped you put on your jacket.

“thanks,” you whispered.

he didn’t acknowledge it much, simply nodding and opening the door for you. “come on”

after a few minutes and rather small and slow steps, you were finally outside, taking in fresh air for what felt like the first time in a long time. you didn’t want to admit it out loud, but it felt good.

it felt like everything was normal. like you just got off from a long day of work and allowed yourself a stroll outside before going back home to make yourself some dinner and allow the day to end.

even if you knew that you haven’t been at work for weeks, if not months at this point. even if you haven’t been at home for a long time too. you clenched your jaw subconsciously.

you shouldn’t dwell on that now. not during your first walk outside, not as you finally got to enjoy the sunlight and the warm breeze again. just for a few more minutes.

soon, reality hit you again. you could feel your chest tightening as it was getting harder and harder to breathe and after a while, you couldn’t conceal it anymore.

“do you need a minute?“ sakusa asked carefully, slowing down to match your pace again.

you shook your head, clenching your fist at your side. “no, i’m fine”

you felt a hand on your back before you even noticed that you weren’t walking anymore. you shut your eyes for a moment, trying to force your breathing to stay steady and your heart rate to slow down. “here’s a bench, sit down“

“i don’t need to,“ you protested, but still allowed sakusa to guide you closer to it.

he shook his head slightly, pushing you closer to the bench. “don’t be an idiot. sit. sitting outside also counts as getting sunlight and fresh air”

you didn’t protest any further— you couldn’t, even if you wanted to. you could feel your legs growing weaker underneath you, so it was obvious that you had to sit down to catch your breath. with closed eyes you concentrated on letting air inside your lungs and allowing it to exit it through your mouth, slowly and controlled.

“it’s okay. that’s it,“ sakusa mumbled beside you, his hand still on your back. you were grateful for his words of encouragement, even if you wouldn’t admit that. truth was, you were happy that he was sitting next to you and allowed you to take as much time as you needed and saw that you needed to take a break in the first place.

you hated this. you hated not being able to walk for more than a few minutes before having to slow down or stop entirely. you hated feeling so weak. you hated having almost no control over your body. you hated how easy it was for you to exhausted. you hated how you needed help with the simplest task even a three or four year old could master, like putting on a jacket.

and you hated how angry you sometimes felt towards sakusa; a person who was just doing his job and a person who was there first whenever you needed something these days.

you couldn’t help it— and you felt terrible because of it.

“can we go back inside? i’m tired,” you mumbled after you caught your breath.

“yeah,” sakusa stands up, offering you a hand to help you get up. “come on”

with a weak smile you took it and allowed him to guide you back inside.

evanescent

/ɛvəˈnɛs(ə)nt,iːvəˈnɛs(ə)nt/ — “soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”

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rishiguro · 8 days

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WORKS IN PROGRESS

no new messages

character: gojo satoru

genre: angst

selfish

character: geto suguru

genre: angst

untitled

character: no assignment

genre: angst

#rishiguro.#wips.

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rishiguro · 9 days