Hi, I’m Em, and the day I was born, the rain looked just like blood,
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奇妙の冒険
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Oluwande Boodhari is amazing. He talked his crewmates out of mutiny for the sake of a bedtime story. He helped his work friend go into hiding after killing their boss's husband. He poured boiling tea on a man's crotch. He threw a rock at the crewmate of one of history's most bloodthirsty pirates. He wears crocs in 1717. He was bullied into being captain for approximately 3 hours. He helped invent the world's first pyramid scheme. He plays drums maybe? He keeps his beanie on during sex. He's incredible. He's my best friend.
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Can we acknowledge how fucking insane “my family is here now, at sea” is? I get it’s sweet but also? Stede my guy, they want to kill you! You left your family willingly because you wanted to be a pirate, you’re bad at it and now your crew wants you dead! They tried to mutiny not six hours ago! And now you’re gonna say “my family is here now, at sea” while Moondog plays in the background? What the fuck Stede??????
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I just want the Stede/Ed reunion to be like in the last scene of Grease. Ed shows up with bows in his hair and a big ruffly bow around his neck. Stede shows up looking like a greaser biker leather daddy. Their two crews are snapping and shimmying to You’re The One That I Want. You know
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Izzy: is the greatest swordsman Blackbeard has ever known
Also Izzy: has not won a single battle on screen, hasnt impressed a single person on screen, got hit in the head with a sandwich once, can’t think of a worse insult than “fuck off”, cries when he hears his boss having sex, can’t even get one dude killed, like seriously what is with this guy,
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Help I’m in my depression era and I don’t have my beloved’s gay little robe to lay on the floor in
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Revenge crew character guide
Ed and Stede: my dads who I love and support
Roach: my chaotic little chef boyardee
Oluwande: my best friend
Jim: my best friend (fearful)
The Swede: i want to throw him like a basket ball (affectionate)
Izzy: baby girl (derogatory)
Buttons: the physical manifestation of kids on the playground having a screaming contest
Ivan: he's the only one flying the plane but that is not good news
Fang: the child of a peaceful vista and a feral possum
Frenchie: potentially the highest iq of anyone on board. Uses this to rationalize idiocy
Wee John: elementary school art teacher
Lucius: my specimen
Black Pete: unidentified object I found in the footwell of my dad's car
Karl: the main character of the show
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we never see them actually dock the revenge but im 100% sure that they just crash it straight into the dock every time
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Ed kept Jim on the crew because he wants to die a cool death.
Discuss
#also why he kicked off oluwande#get rid of jim's bf and jim is 100% more likely to choke ed with his own spleen or whatever
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Broke: “Modern Ed is a frappuccino man”
Woke: “Modern Ed, Fang and Ivan are all frappuccino men”
Bespoke: “Izzy is also a frappuccino man”
#our flag means death#edward teach#israel hands#ivan tag#fang tag#they all come through the drivethru together in fangs fiat#fangs labradoodle is crammed between ed and izzy in the backseat#fang gets the labradoodle a puppaccino#the labradoodle licks whipped cream onto the side of izzys head every. single. time
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Look, I get that we all act like Izzy is one of the most dangerous characters in Our Flag Means Death but folks, where is the evidence?
From what I can see, Lucius has killed more than Izzy on screen. I didn’t see Izzy swallowing any bugs, did you?
Izzy Kills on Screen: 0
Lucius Kills on Screen: 1
Your honor, that is my evidence. Izzy is being unfairly stereotyped. Lucius is the real menace and it’s time someone said it.
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Blackbeard: Okay, and then once we have the smoke I want fire, too. Not too much, just enough for a nice soft glow
Blackbeard: Not hellfire, just a soft fire. Threatening but a little romantic
Blackbeard: And then I'm going to come through the middle, and I just need you guys to clear my path. So let's go over steps: Smoke bombs, fire, then slash-slash-slash, then I come through--
Blackbeard: Oh, they stabbed him? They're hanging him? Okay, I think it's time. How's my hair? Are we ready?
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things i want to see in season 2:
whatever the fuck they want to show me
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i really kind of hope that the reunion moment happens through ed getting hurt, in a sort of parallel to their first meeting. like ed wakes later, confused to find himself in bed, with a little cup of warm tea sitting by the bedside. which okay maybe that isn't too odd, sometimes izzy will make him a cup without ed having to ask. but then ed takes a small sip and oh. a dollop of milk and seven sugars, he'd recognize that perfect flavor anywhere. and right then stede enters the room.
#Omg this#especially if eds first words upon waking are some iteration of 'whyd you leave?'#and stede not understanding is like#'do you not remember? you were awake. you asked me if i had anything sweet to go with that'#(not like ur tea isn't sweet enough already edward i mean really)#And i looked everywhere but it seems there's no more marmalade on this ship#did you really all eat it so quickly? i could have sworn I had a stash tucked away in here somewhere#and ed can only 1. stare at him#and 2. blush cause he doesn't remember at all but he was clearly flirting goddammit!#he meant he wanted a kiss to go with his tea!!!!#and stede (still oblivious) is like 'well ive arranged for us to pick some up in port this afternoon anyway so i hope you can at least wait#and ed drinks his tea#and thats that#yeah i know they have a lot to argue about but a bitch can dream#maybe ed thinks they're in heaven for a while because stede obviously got killed by a piano/carriage/jungle cat and ed of course is dead too#they have a lovely tea together in the 'afterlife' and everything is great#and then izzy comes in at one point and is like cApTaIn YoUrE nEeDeD--#and ed (who knows izzy isn't dead because only god can kill that man) realizes the truth#sits up abruptly#teacups go flying
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