you're all that remains

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there is all summers and then there was that particular one

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Just promise me this ash won't rise as a girl's body again

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I’m ready for summer to be over. I’m tired of the sun rubbing me raw, skin and soul and everything in between. All is laid bare in this glaring light and I hate being forced to honesty.

Summer will make you feel guilty for hiding away until you drag your sadness out of the shadows and let it burn there, the ashes getting stuck on the already dying flowers, the sun pressing down on you with a mocking smile. Summer always makes you feel like there’s something to do, something to fix, something to see, something to want. Summer is realizing half of the year has gone by and you have no idea what you did with all that time, having nothing to show for it. Summer is crying on your birthday, year after year, because you always feel like you should feel something special but really you feel nothing at all.

Let it be autumn instead. Autumn is gentle and slow and lets you retreat inwards without begrudging you for it, without poking at you until you give up and force yourself to places you don’t want to go. The smells of autumn are earthy and pure and more importantly, they all hold the promise of stillness. When the leaves wither away and become one with the rotting earth below, that’s when I shrug off summer’s emptiness and replace it with something fuller. That’s when I can finally breathe again.

My mind has been so loud lately, impatience seeping from every thought. Impatience for what, I don’t know. For something new, for the leaves to turn brown, for writing inspiration, for my hair to grow out, for life. Time seems to be moving so fast I forget I exist right now, too. This summer taught me about saying goodbye and love and how sadness can feel like a weight on your chest and how you always need to enjoy cherries as much as you can because they are only available for such a short time. I don’t know, I guess what I’m saying is that I feel a little directionless, and time feels like someone watching over my shoulder, pushing me to do something, anything. Maybe I just need the weather to cool off so I can think clearly again. Maybe I need to stop watching the clock.

I love you pre-Autumn. I love you first chilly night after a hot day. I love you first crunchy leaves on the ground while the trees are still green. I love you cicadas. I love you crickets. I love you dusk sneaking in earlier for the first time. I love you deep sigh of relief after summer.

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This cover??? Absolutely STUNNING

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It’s book girl summer

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Currently addicted to this book. If you love the show Penny Dreadful you’ll definitely love this book!

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Fever dream

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This book traumatised me in the best way

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Louis fell asleep on my book 🥺

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