How to write about Grief:
There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Just as there is no right or wrong way to write it. Everyone is different, each set of circumstances are different.
The point of this post is to show you how different people react in different ways, and give points on how you might write that, depending on your character and story.
Reactions to Grief
Numbness: Your character may go into auto-pilot and be unable to process the events that have unfolded.
Anger: This can be aimed at other people, at a Higher Being, or at nothing in particular.
Unsteady: Your characters may be unsteady. For example, unable to stop their voice from shaking or they may find it difficult to stand.
Focusing on Others: Your character may disregard their own feelings because they are so overwhelmed and instead concentrate on someone else’s well-being.
Seek out routines: Amid upheavals, your character may seek comfort in tasks that are familiar and “safe,” such as working, cleaning, making their bed, making absurd amounts of tea or taking a morning walk.
Pretending that Everything Is Okay: Grief is viewed as an emotion that should cease or be concealed once the funeral is over. So people mention the news in an offhand comment, then talk and laugh as if all is right with the world.
Denial: Some people deny the reality of death and convince themselves that the news is a joke or can’t be true.
Reactions from people surrounding your character:
People may avoid your character as they do not know what to say or simply can’t find the right words.
Some may even go as far as to cross the street when they notice your character approaching.
Even people that the character has known for years may act strange or standoff-ish, simply because they don’t know what to say.
On the other side of that, some people may be overly helpful and friendly.
It is not uncommon for estranged friends, family or others to suddenly reappear in a person’s life after they have experienced grief.
Either because those people want to offer their support and love or because they’re being nosy and they want to be kept up to date on the “drama”.
Most people will move on from the event fairly quickly if they weren’t emotionally invested.
Some people may even get annoyed at your character for still being upset weeks or months later.
When talking about the person they have lost:
Your character may recall a memory or tell a story about their loved one, these are possible reactions. (I have encountered all of them.)
Your character may being to cry or get upset at the thought of the person they have lost.
The person they are talking to may become awkward and avert eye contact when your character brings up the person they have lost.
Others may ask or tell your character to stop talking about the person they have lost. They may roll their eyes, cough awkwardly, or cut off your character mid sentences so that they can change the subject.
Some people may ask inappropriate questions about the circumstances in which the character’s loved one passed away. Depending on the personality of your character then may react differently.
Other things to note:
Grief is not constrained by time.
One of the main problems with grief in fiction is that a character is typically heartbroken for a couple scenes and then happy again. But grief does not evaporate because the world needs saving.
Allow your character to wrestle with their grief.
Your character may feel guilty. Your character may feel a twinge of guilt when they laugh or have a good time with someone else; when they do something to remind them that they’re alive, and their loved one isn’t.
Grief is a game changer. A previously outgoing character may withdraw and isolate themselves. Some people may take grief and/or bereavement as a sign that life is too short; they may make big decisions in an attempt to make themselves feel better and grow away from their pain.
Sometimes grief can help you find your purpose.
At first grief can be all consuming. It hurts and you can’t really control it. It may seem unrelenting. Eventually the grief will become easier to deal with, your character may find the days to be better, but that doesn’t mean that when the grief hits it doesn’t hurt any less.
For most people, grief never really goes away. “Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be.”
It is rare that a person will ever give a long speech about their feelings, a lot of people struggle to even find the words. But that’s okay. Show the reader how your character feels, rather than just telling them.
Don’t pause the plot to deal with the aspect of grief. This could overwhelm the readers and drag the pace down. In reality, life doesn’t just stop due to grief, the world keeps spinning and things still need to be done. Use the character’s grief as a backdrop for the story’s events.
Yes, grief affects the character’s day-to-day life, goals, and relationships. But it shouldn’t drive readers away or stagnate the story. Instead, should engage readers and produce empathy that keeps them turning pages.
You don’t need to tell your readers that everything will be fine. You don’t need to provide all of the answers.
“Skirting grief and treating it lightly is easy. But by realistically portraying it through a variety of responses and its lasting effects on the character’s life, readers will form a connection with your characters.“
25K notes
·
View notes
THE ULTIMATE MASTERLIST
I've been putting this off for some time because ughhhhhh so much work ahah! Anyway, I finally bring The Ultimate Masterlist to your dashboards! Hold on, it's going to be a long ride~
General Posts
Every single daily prompt ever... (Except Prompt #208 because apparently it doesn't exist... ???)
Excerpts
ACFWB Playlists
Character names
Character sheet
Relationships
Writing Advice
Finding inspiration
Overcoming writer's block
Continuing on with your story
Developing a plot
Starting your story!
Worldbuilding
Writing in third person
Tips for writing in first, second & third person
Emotive language
Tips for writing character features
Expanding vocabulary
Choosing the direction of your story
Hitting a block (Minor writer's block)
Improving your writing in a specific genre
A guide to bettering your writing (The tall one, the blonde one...)
Writing dialogue
Long Posts
#30 Q's to ask your OC's- Appearance
#50 Q's to ask your OC's
#50 This or That Q's for your OC's
NSFW Dialogue prompts
#100 NSFW/Smut dialogue prompts
Sexual tension prompts
Reasons for couples to break-up
#50 Dialogue prompts- compilation
#100 Dialogue prompts- Angst edition
#100 More angst/argument prompts
#100 Prompts to break a reader's heart
#100 Prompts to make a reader swoon
Short fluff/cozy prompts
OTP Christmas scenarios
#100 Song lyric prompts
First person prompts
Protagonist in a situation with...
Dystopian ideas
Shy fluff prompts
Character death prompts
And I think we're done for now! I'll try to keep it as updated as I can! All my love, Yasmine xox
3K notes
·
View notes
im really sick but here's some journal page ideas
track the weather for a month/season/year/whatever. you could do this in the same grid style as a classic mood tracker
write a challenge for yourself
page where you add a doodle everyday
cut up some old sheet music and glue it in
go on a walk, press a bunch of herbs, glue them in. write what you saw around you while collecting each one
a "recipe for me" as if you're a baked good (3 cups confidence, dash of anxiety, etc)
give each close friend a page to fill however they choose
watercolour pallet for different moods
"outfit of the day"; sketch the fit and talk about how it makes you feel
write a playlist for your life right now
brainstorm a list of easy new things to do
50 things that make you happy
534 notes
·
View notes
instagram
i have a dental anatomy exam today, and after i finish it, i can feel, finally, liberated for a little bit. i think it’s the course i dislike the most because of how disorganized the slides are, and how unintuitive the teaching method is. but i do love learning about molars, which has made it a bit bearable.
370 notes
·
View notes