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peantbutter-honeycombs · 19 days

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May I request for NPC month a Cassandra De Rolo with child reader. The young child was left orphaned after the Chroma Conclaves attack on Emon but fortunately scooped up by Vox in the escape to Whitestone. Child takes a liking to Cass and manages to continually sneak away from their host family to be near them [Cass]. Little ones sneaky little antics bring a certain joy to Whitestone castle that hasn't been felt in ages. Cass falls for little one's warmth and decides it might be best child stay with her.

Please and thank you.

Another fic finished! Cue the fanfair! 🎊 I was sorta hoping I could get more done but honestly 2 fics in one month is a record for me at this point in time so I’m happy with the results. (Also I sadly couldn’t think of a title for this one, but if anyone else does I’m open to suggestions, it’s fine if not.) I hope you all enjoy 😁

Cassandra & Child!Reader

What was happening? Why was it happening? Everything was happening too fast for your brain to grasp any of it, all you could remember was watching the king’s speech to all Emon, bells, people panicking, losing sight of your parents and being grabbed and hauled away by someone. It was a blur to your mind, making you feel as though reality itself had disappeared from you, so the absolute whiplash you felt when you came to your senses only to find yourself in a new city was immense. Some close friends of your parents had taken you in for the time being, and while it took a bit to confirm for sure, they had to break the news to you that your parents had perished in the attack on the city. You ran off that night, not wanting to believe any of it, your little legs carrying you right to Whitestone castle at the perfect time that someone else was stepping out for some air.

Cassandra just stepped out to cool her head, a lot was going on in a short amount of time and all she wanted was a second to breathe. She was shocked to find a young child sobbing just outside the castle, especially this late into the night. Unsure what to do she slowly approaches the kid, noticing some recent scaring from burns, one of the refugees.

“Are-are you alright, little one?” She mentally slaps herself for sounding so uninterested.

“Ahh!” You jump back in surprise at the sudden voice, not realizing someone else was there with you. You look up at the woman with teary eyes. “N-n-n…” You couldn’t even get a word out as another sob wrecks through your body.

“No no, shhh, it’s alright. You’re safe from danger here.” Cassandra tries to soothe, her efforts in vain as you continue to cry. “Hey hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?” The words sorta slipped out without much thought put into them, but it did seem to encourage an answer.

“I-I want-*hic* I want my mom and dad. *hic hic* I wanna go home.” You cry, pulling your legs to your chest so you could curl yourself into a ball.

“If you got yourself lost we can easily…” Cassandra trails off when she sees the look on your face. That pained look of loss and suffering she knew all too well. She kneels down next to you, gently placing a hand on your back, your body flinches away for a second before resting against her hand again. “I understand how you’re feeling. Loosing your family at such a young age is not an easy experience to go through, nor seeing your home get destroyed from its former glory. I’ve been where you are, just a kid forced to go through a horrible experience.”

Your sobbing calms slightly to more of a whimper, you wipe your tears on your sleeve but more still fall, looking up at her again to see she was staring off into the distance in thought. You rise onto your feet and tug at he shirt gently to regain her attention, when she looks over you raise you arms up to her in a silent question, she looks at you perplexed for a second before catching on and lifting you into her arms where you then hug her. You feel her tense before relaxing and her free hand rests itself on your back once more. It was a nice moment, you felt a little more relaxed and calm for the first time since everything happened, too bad it had to be cut short.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n), where did you go!? Please, answer!” You could hear your foster parents calling for you.

“So, you’re name’s (y/n), is it?” You look back to the woman who gave you a slight raised eyebrow in curiosity, making you realize neither of you had introduced yourselves.

“Y-yeah.” Your voice comes out small and still a little shaky from all the crying. “Wh-what’s your name?” This earns you a soft chuckle from her, guess she realized the same thing you did.

“I am Lady Cassandra de Rolo, but just Cassandra is fine, it’s a pleasure to meet you (y/n).” She gives you a small smile, you offer one back and are about to say something when your foster parents show up.

“There you are, (y/n)! Don’t go running off like that, you had us worried sick!” One scolds. “And finding you with a stranger? These are dangerous times child, you could’ve gotten hurt or worse!” They continue, you just avert your eyes away from them, unsure what to say.

“We’re very sorry… Oh! Lady de Rolo! *ahem* We apologize greatly for any inconvenience this young one may have caused for you.” The one in place of your father bows as he apologizes to Cassandra, taking you into his arms now, you didn’t bother fighting it, you were exhausted.

“It’s no problem at all. In fact, they offered good company while here.” Cassandra waves off the twos apologies.

“Of course, my lady. Thank you keeping an eye on them.” The “mother” bows before turning her attention back to you. “Now let’s get you home and in bed.” You give her a sleepy sigh and nod.

“Night Cassan...” You give a sleepy wave as your voice trails off, unable to finish your sentence as you quickly pass out.

Giving a wave to your disappearing figures, Cassandra decides to head back in and get some rest for herself, tomorrow’s gonna be another eventful day.

It’s only been 2 days since your little episode and you really missed Cassandra’s company, sure the two of you didn’t say much or know each other for very long but there was something comforting about her that your foster parents just didn’t seem to have. So, without thinking too much about it you check to make sure the coast is clear before sneaking out of the house and dashing off towards Castle Whitestone. You hurried as fast as your legs could carry you, while also making sure not to bump into anyone, soon enough the crowded streets thinned in numbers and the castle wasn’t too far off. You did take a second to wonder how you managed to run here the first time as you already felt exhausted once you finally reached the large doors., you shake the thoughts away, you made it to your destination now you just had to find a way in, you could always try climbing the wall, you were a pretty if you do say so yourself.

“Hey kid! You lost?” You’re startled by the sudden voice of a guard walking over. “Come on kiddo, let’s get you back where you belong.” They walk over, ready to escort you back where you’d come from but in a flash you dash around the other direction, leaving the guard stunned for a moment. “What the!?”

Today just seemed to be a zero thought just action kinda day as once you felt far enough away from the guard you latch onto the wall and start your climb. It was tricky getting a good grip and foothold but not impossible and by sheer luck and determination you managed to make it to the window, adding to your luck the window was partially open too.

“Hey kid! Get down from there!” Looks like your guard friend caught up, a little too late though as you push open the window and hop inside. Victory! Now what? You basically broke into this big fancy castle and we’re certain the guard wasn’t just going to sit and take it, and all for what? To see the lady who comforted you on a whim? Yes, that’s exactly what it was and you weren’t giving up on the task. Hurrying down the many halls you realize you have no idea where you’re going yet you continue forward, managing to find yourself in a kitchen, it was empty aside from one cook who was hard at work. Thinking they were distracted you try sneaking by.

“Now what’s a youngin’ like yourself doing here all alone?” You turn to the chef who was giving an amused look.

“I uhhh… I wanted to visit a friend.” You tell them.

“I see.” They reply with a nod. “And just who is this friend of yours?”

“Uhh… Ca-Cassandra. At least that’s what she said her name was.” You fidget with your fingers awkwardly, not sure how wise it was to just trust this person with that information.

“Ah! So you’re the kid she mentioned the other day.” They say thoughtfully. “You’ll find her down the hall third door on your right. Can’t miss it.”

“Thank you!” You give them a bright smile before racing off. By now most of the guards seemed to have been informed of your little intrusion to the castle and were attempting to catch you. Thankfully for yourself they were just trying to grab you over using an actual weapon to stop you, making it a bit easier to wiggle around them and finally reach your destination. The second you place your hand on the door handle and twist it a guard catches you, the door opens and your both stumble to the ground.

“What is the meaning of this?” A man’s voice asks a little annoyed. You look up and give a big smile when you see the person you’ve been looking for.

“Hi Cassandra!” You wave happily at her, completely ignoring the other people in the room. She looks stunned at first but her expression changes to one of recognition.

“Oh! It’s you. Hello again, (y/n). What are you doing here?” She questions as she walks over.

“I wanted to see you again!” You beam. You’re suddenly hoisted off the the ground and now dangle in the guards grip.

“Apologies for the intrusion, this youngin’ here is a slippery one.” The guard apologizes. “I’ll escort them off the property right away.” You start to struggle against him after hearing that, you came this far you didn’t want to go back now.

“That won’t be necessary, I’ll take it from here.” Cassandra says, making you brighten up. The guard sets you down, to which you stick your tongue out at them in victory as Cassandra walks you out of the room full of confused onlookers. Once outside the room she kneels down to your height. “Do you mind waiting here a second? I’ll be out again shortly, I promise.” You give her an enthusiastic nod, making her smile a little before heading back into the room for a moment. You can hear murmuring through the door so you scoot closer and press your ear against it to listen in on the conversation as best as possible.

“Wha… child doing here?”

“Remember the… told you about the other…?”

“…but why are they…? We have… matters to deal… just some kid.”

“Honestly… stunt they pulled… impressive.”

“…e’ll have to work on strengthening… a child… past them.”

“You’re... the point… only came here… take responsibility for this.”

You weren’t sure what was going on, you try straining your ears to hear better but instead of talking there’s footsteps approaching the door. You jump back quickly to avoid getting hit in the face by the door and to hide the fact you were trying to listen in. When Cassandra walks out and looks to your totally not suspicious expression she chuckles lightly.

“You weren’t snooping, were you?” She jokes.

“Ummm… nope! Not snooping. I was just looking around at stuff.” You lie, acting as if nothing as wrong. It’s too bad your a terrible actor, but at least Cassandra got a good laugh out of it.

“You quite the wild card, you know that.” She says, you have no idea what that’s supposed to mean so you just nod along. “Say I have an idea. Why don’t you show me exactly how you got in here without getting caught by any of our guards.” You eagerly agree, grabbing her hand and tugging her along as you explain your quest in great detail.

Now of course your foster parents eventually showed up, having been worried sick when you ran off again and they couldn’t find you in the city, only to be told by a guard your whereabouts and you were in a lot of trouble for not saying anything or even leaving a note. You argued you still weren’t good at writing but that was barely an excuse and you were grounded for a week. Sadly for them that wasn’t going to stop you, even before the whole dragon attack you were always finding ways to slip past your parents to go to your favourite spot in Emon. To you, slipping past your foster parents to go to your favourite place in Whitestone and hangout with your new favourite person was no different, if anything it brought familiarity and joy to you once more in these bleak times. It wasn’t just you either, as time went on, your continuous escapades to Whitestone castle brought a sorta merriment to their lives. You easily made friends with that chef who helped you when you first snuck in, they’d give you some food to snack on whether it was because they had extra or tried something new and wanted you to be the first to try it, enjoying the reactions you’d give whenever you liked what they made. And while the guards were irritated by your constant breaking most of them eventually came to tolerate you decently and at least a few of them actually warmed up to you, finding these little moments helpful in strengthening their defences.

Cassandra couldn’t wrap her head around it, you had one heartfelt talk when you first met and she thought that would be it, you’d move on and adapt to the new status quo, the last thing she expected was you showing up again and again and again just to see her. Whenever you were happy or excited about something she was the first you run to and tell everything about, it made her feel a joy that she didn’t think possible in these trying times. Whenever you were upset or sad she was the first you go to for comfort, it made her feel protective of you wanting nothing more then to make those sour memories or thoughts disappear so she could see you smile again. Whenever you accomplished something she was the first you’d brag about it to, a feeling of pride washing over her whenever you explain what it was you achieved. It’d be so much easier for you to stay home and tell these things to your foster parents but every single time you’d go out of your way to head to the castle and tell her instead. The moments where your foster parents would show up apologizing profusely for your misbehaviour and take you home for a scolding were getting harder and harder for Cassandra to watch. She couldn’t keep going at this routine anymore, it was taking away valuable time, she had to do something about this and soon.

You giggle to yourself as you walk the familiar path to Whitestone castle, your foster parents really thought getting a new lock for your window was going to stop you, unlucky for them the rouge and ranger Cassandra’s brother was friends with taught you some neat tricks when their group came to visit. The smile you had grows as you approach the doors, two guards on duty see you approach, one sighs while the other gives a small wave.

“I know that meek wave anywhere. How are you Heath? Is your arm still hurting?” You greet with a wave of your own.

“Hey kiddo. It was my shoulder, not my arm but it’s doing a lot better.” You give a nod to this.

“Sooo… may I come in?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“No you may not!” You jump a little at the, that’s not what you were expecting at all. “(Y/n), this is the last straw.” Oh shoot, you know whose voice that is. You turn around and sure enough there’s your foster parents, angrier then ever before.

“What’s the big deal? I left a note this time.” You whine.

“Writing ‘Your windows can’t hold me down’ isn’t what we meant by a note! Honestly, are you trying to give us daily panic attacks? You’re lucky we’ve caught onto the pattern.” One places their arms on their hips.

“More like unlucky.” You mutter.

“Listen, (y/n), we know you’ve been having a hard time adjusting to things since your parents…” They trail off a bit, you look away from them sombrely. “It’s been hard on all of us and we just want the best for you, but you make it very hard for us with you constantly running away from us. Do you understand?” You fidget with your hands and look back at the guards who were stuck having to awkwardly stand there and watch this unfold, if anything you felt bad for them. “Come along now, say your apologies to the guards and we can go home.”

“Go home? But you just got here.” The sound of Cassandra’s voice immediately perks you up, spinning around you see her coming over and go to give her a hug, which she returns with a soft chuckle.

“Ah! Terribly sorry for the disturbance, Lady de Rolo. We’re sure you have more important matters to deal with so we’ll be taking our leave.”

“You’re correct, I do have important matters to deal with, and they involve this child in your care.” You look to her confused, she gives you a smile then looks back to your foster parents. “If my intel is correct you were fostering (y/n) out of respect of their parents correct?”

“They were close friends of ours for many years. We didn’t want (y/n) to be left completely alone but we knew we weren’t exactly ready to take full responsibility yet, as shameful as that sounds. So we swore we’d care for them as best we could until we found someone we knew could give them the care they truly deserved.”

“Then I’m sure you’ll be happy to receive this.” Cassandra hands some papers, you look between the three of them unsure of what was going on.

“Are-are you sure M’Lady? We’d understand if you-”

“No need for any of that. I made up my mind and I’m certain it’s the best choice for all of us.”

“Best choice of what? What’s going on?” You ask utterly lost, why did people have to be so vague about things sometimes. Cassandra kneels down and lifts you into her arms, you weren’t complaining but that didn’t make anything less confusing for you. You foster parents offer you a smile and a small bow.

“We hope you’ll behave yourself a little better here, young de Rolo.” Wait what?! Did they just…

“Huh? But I’m not…” You trail off and your eyes widen when the pieces start clicking into place, shifting a little to get a better look at Cassandra. “Really?” She gives you a nod and you can’t help but hug her. She sets you down giving you the chance to hug your, now former, foster parents. “Thanks for looking after me, even if I did give you trouble.”

“You promise us you won’t go sneaking off on your new family and we’ll call it even.”

“Deal!” The two take their leave while you wave to them with Cassandra. When you can’t see them anymore you look up at Cassandra and she looks back down at you, holding out her hand. You happily accept and the two of you walk back to the castle, the guards open the doors for you.

“Welcome home, (y/n).”

#critical role #critical role & reader #vox machina #vox machina & reader #cassandra de rolo #cassandra & reader #npc appreciation month #nothing romantic here

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 2 months

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Second princess of Hell and child menace number 1.

#adopted baby #hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin charlie #hazbin lucifer & reader #lucifer & oc #hazbin fandom #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin art #lucifer magne #hazbin hotel oc #hazbin hotel fandom

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 3 months

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Percy Jackson & OC!Child of Hera (platonic) fic?

#story ideas #platonic #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #disney+#pjo fandom #pjo series #pjo tv show

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 3 months

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A bunch of different writing prompts MASTERLIST #1

updated 12.3.22

“Hate to break it to you, but …”

“Ok, this whole thing you’re doing? I’m gonna need you to stop.”

“I can’t help but feel jealous when you turn and smile at anyone else”

“So now what? You’re just gonna chase after them with a flashlight and righteousness?”

“To save you the time and me the breath …”

“Blackmail is more powerful than money. Once you have them with blackmail, you have them forever.” “I just asked you if I could borrow five dollars, I-”

“I can teach you something else if you want”

“Does anyone care what I think?” “I know I don’t!”

“Toss me!” “Toss you?!” “Do it!!”

“Hold my beer.” “This is a Capri-sun.”

“Wow that was so wild. Crazy”

“I hope common sense is the next cool trend”

“You think you can take me?”

“Bring it on.” “Enough with the movie references, can we just fight already?”

“Relax, there is no problem/we have no problems!” *B walks in* “Ok, one problem!”

“How did you even learn how to do this??” “It’s probably best that you don’t know.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” “I guess that would be difficult.”

“You really think you can stop me? Adorable.”

“This is ridiculous, why did you make me carry you on my back?” “Stop complaining, I need a good vantage point!” “You can literally FLY!”

“Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes, *B*!” “Listen, I love a good Taylor Swift reference as much as the next guy, but now is probably not the time-”

“Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” “Not until four.”

“Alright, fine. If I can’t get around you, I guess I’ll have to go through you!”

“So, you know how in _______, ___________ _______? That literally makes no sense.” “IT’S 1AM. Go to sleep!”

“For most people it goes, observe, think, speak. For *B* it goes a little differently.”

“This would be a lot easier if you weren’t so hot.”

“I don’t want your help, I want you safe!”

“Who buys 25 packs of balloons?!” “Leave me alone, it’s been a rough day!”

“Can you turn up the heat in here? It’s freezing in here!” “Sure baby, come on over here-” “nOt what I meant!!”

“Keep talking and maybe one day you’ll blurt out something intelligent.”

“I wish I was who you think I am”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” “How?” “That’s not your department.”

“An asteroid could hit Earth right now and I’d still be more upset about this”

“Could you please make an effort with them?” “I don’t care about them, I only care about is you.”

“Why not?” “Because I don’t want to die!” “You can be so boring sometimes why do I even hang out with you?”

“You know that’s never gonna happen, right?” “Just let me have this”

“You’re the Ethan to my Hila.” “You have to stop using modern references I have no idea what any of them mean”

“Rules are meant to be broken.” Actually, that’s not-“ "Come on!!”

“If I get shot, will you have my back?” “…. Well…” “Say yes!!”

“He’s the embodiment of everything wrong with the world. I’m kind of into it”

“Wow that was awful. Truly.” “Thank you.”

“I’d die for you.” “Please live for me instead.”

“I don’t know, it could be worse!” “But it could definitely be a whole lot better too.” “You have a point there.”

“I think I just met the human version of a dubstep remix.”

“You’re a mess. But you’re my mess.”

“If you don’t stop now I’m calling your mom!”

“Every time I see your face I go crazy.” “Crazy in a bad way or crazy in a good way?” “Undecided.”

“Love is like a plant. It has to be watered and nurtured and eventually it’ll grow and become stronger and stronger.” “Can our love be the plant that eats bugs and stuff? That one’s really cool.” “… sure.”

“If they don’t kill you, I will.”

“We’re going on a trip, in our favorite rocket ship-” “Please don’t sing the song-” “ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY!!!”

“I can’t believe you’re scared of spiders, you’re massive.” “THEY’RE SMALL AND UNPREDICTABLE AND RUN REALLY FAST, OK?”

“My therapist won’t be happy when she hears about this.”

“You look awful. You look like someone drove you over, backed up, squashed you under their tyre and did donuts in an abandoned parking lot with your face in the ground. You look like someone crumpled you up and forced you down the garbage disposal. You look like someone played a game of Operation on you and didn’t clean you up afterwards. *pause* You look terrible.” “Yeah, I got that, thanks.”

“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” “You’re literally bleeding out!” “It’s fine-” “nO it’S NOT!!”

“I just wish you’d asked me first.”

“Poopity scoop.” “… can you please just-” “Poopity scoop. Poopity scoop”

“Can I please tell you-” “No, please don’t.” “… I love you.”

“So fight me, then!”

“Everything is going as planned!” “That’s because you have no plan.” “Exactly!”

“I love you.” “You shouldn’t.” “I know/I don’t care”

“I wish this thing came with an instruction manual.”

“You’re the only drug I need, baby” “That’s sweet but you still have to take your prescription”

“That’s not very professional”

“Argh, I broke a nail!” “Is that really your main concern right now??”

“That can’t be good.”

“Yet another day of oppression and agony. When will it end?” “We’ve been married for a week stop being so dramatic.”

“If anyone else asks me if I’m ok I’m going to go ballistic.”

“This doesn’t align with my morals.” “What morals?” “… fair point.”

“Shut up.” “..I didn’t say anything?” “Shhhh.”

“I just want to throw up and die”

“You make me wish I’d never been born.” “Funny, I was just wishing you’d never been born too!”

“What are you gonna do, sing about it?” “I might!!”

“I can’t keep going. Not like this.”

“What’s that?” “What’s what??” “That thing!!”

“Hey, so, uhm-” “What is it this time?”

“You make me wish I was better, I want to be better. But I don’t know how.”

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met.” “Aw, thank you. That means a lot.”

“Did you know that during Prohibition, moonshiners would wear shoes with wooden blocks carved to look like cow hooves under them to leave hoofprints instead of footprints, helping them evade police?” “No, I didn’t, but more importantly, how did you know that?”

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide …” “…*begrudgingly* No escape from reality.”

“Calm down, I don’t see what the big deal is.” “You stabbed me!!”

“What’s you excuse this time?” “I’m a little bit stupid :)”

“If you were a car, you’d be a BMW.” “Why?” “Cuz I want you to Be My Wife !” “…are you trying to propose to me?” “… Please say yes.”

“Oh no. That can’t be right.”

“You’re not allowed to do that!” “Says who?!” “Your mom.” “I can’t believe you called my mom.”

“You’re gonna have to stop narrating everything you’re doing, you’re gonna give us away.” “Sorry.”

“I’ve never wanted anything so much in my entire life.”

“He’s my worst enemy. My nemesis.” “Didn’t you meet him like five minutes ago?” “Yes.”

“This is it. This is my sign!” “… That’s a cereal box.”

“I’ve done my fair share of stupid things in my day, but this is just ridiculous.”

“I hate you. But I hate them more. So I guess my hatred for you can wait.”

“What? I told you it was going to be dinner with my parents.” “Yes but you didn’t tell me your parents were like that!”

“Whether you like it or not, I’m your only hope. So what’s it gonna be?”

“Can you stop it?” “What? I’m just looking at you.” “I know, it’s creepy, stop!”

“I don’t remember that, that doesn’t sound like me.”

“You think you can stop me? That’s so cute.”

“Can you just-” “CaN yOu JuSt-” “Stop!” “StOp!” “One of these days I am going to kill you.”

“I’ve never been this happy before.” “Not even when you had to wait at that burger place so they ended up giving you extra large fries for free that one time?” “Not even then.”

“Uhm, I fell.” “Upwards?”

“I feel like you’re not hearing me; I don’t want more flowers. I just want you here, at home, with me.”

“This is not how I thought tonight would go.” “I know, isn’t it great?!”

“Is it supposed to be able to bend that way?” “No, definitely not, this is bad.”

“How are you able to do that?” “I honestly have no idea.”

“You need me for something, don’t you?” “Oh please, like you don’t need me for something too.”

“Silvia…” “Yes, Mickey?” “How you call your loverboy?” “Come here, loverboy!” “And if he doesn’t answer?” “Oh, loverboy!” “And if he STILL doesn’t answer?” “Yo loverboy, you better listen up when I’m talking to you!-” “No babe, we practiced this”

“I’m not angry, just disappointed.” “For the last time, I didn’t know we only had one doughnut left or I would have asked you!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” “Do you want to …sing about it?”

“You truly are one of a kind.” “Thank you.” “I didn’t mean that in a good way.”

“I know you think I’m the villain, but I’m not.”

“I just want you to be happy. Whether that’s with or without me.”

“Let’s never speak of this.” “Agreed.”

“You can’t pay to get this kind of entertainment, baby!” “You catching fifteen grapes in a row is not entertainment.” “Says who?!”

“Where are we?!” “What makes you think I’m any less lost than you are?”

“Let’s go back to our place.” “Our place?” “Yeah. If you want it to be.”

“I thought I could trust you.”

“Hey, uhm, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” “Oh, no, don’t tell me you’re gonna go all sappy and confess your love and everything to me now, are you?” “Well now I’m certainly not gonna to do it!!”

“I don’t need your protection, I just need you!”

“This is making me really upset.” “I’m sorry but we don’t really have time for you to be upset about this right now.”

“Ugh, that kid is being so annoying.” “Isn’t that your daughter?” “Yeah, so?”

“I want to speak to the manager, please.” “Dude, this is a frat party, I don’t think they have-” “The manager!!!”

“What are you doing?” “What are you doing?” “Don’t change the subject!”

“Babe, we agreed to only use that code word for emergencies.” “I know, but-” “And a video of a turtle and a duck being best friends is not an emergency, is it?”

“I’m very easily upset and very outwardly aggressive, which is a terrible combination.”

“Wow, I’ve been really annoying today, haven’t I?” “Not any more than usual, sweetie.”

“Hey-” “No!” “Why are you groaning like that?” “No offense, but you’re the last person I wanted to see today.” “What, why?” “Cause I actually wanted to have a good day.”

“If I die on this night, then so be it! You have been a good friend, a trusted-” “You’re just going to a gas station, it’s not-” “Silence!!”

“I want you to stay. I’m asking you to stay.”

“Can you stop yawning, please?” “Sorry, but this is just so boring.” “It’s your daughter’s dance recital!”

“I don’t want to shoot you, but I will if I have to. Step aside.”

“You’re the most poorly written character I’ve ever met.” “What?” “What?”

“I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die!” “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you out of here alive, I promise.”

“I’m in love with you.” “Wow. I don’t know whether to thank you or give you my condolences, honestly.”

“What happened here?!” “I tried to catch a spider.” “With what, a flamethrower?!”

“This is amazing! How did you know I wanted this?” “What do you mean? I listened to you.” “You what now?”

“Over my dead body!” “Hm, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Explain yourself!” “…I honestly don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”

“What are you doing here?!” “What do you mean? This is my house.” “You were dead two days ago!” “Oh, right, that. Well-”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.” “Would it help if I presented the information by way of dance?” “No but it would be funny”

“Hey, is this a bad time?” “Yeah, actually-” “Ok, great, so-”

“Unless they can hoedown, I’m not interested.”

“I can’t, I’m allergic.” “To water?” “… Yes.”

“Not to be rude but you’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met.” “Look who’s talking!!”

“I hate your guts.” “That makes two of us.”

“Do I know you?” “You will momentarily.”

“I didn’t come this far only to come this far.” (source)

“You can’t just say ‘yo mama!’ as a response to everything!” “Yo mama!” “no!!”

“Aren’t you supposed to help me?” “What do you mean? I am helping!” “You making paper airplanes out of the wrapping paper is not helping.”

“What are you thinking about?” “Wouldn’t you like to know?” “Yes, that’s why I asked dumbass”

“I don’t know how you’re gonna top this. Hopefully you won’t”

“This is gross, and illegal.” “So?” “Just thought I’d mention it.”

“Please don’t be mad”

“Why did you do that?!” “I don’t know!!”

“A good friend wouldn’t let me do this.” “It’s lucky I’m not a good friend, then.” “You’re right about that.”

“You know, you make being your guardian angel very difficult.”

“Every time I look at you I can only think of one thing.” “Oh yeah, what’s that?” “The Boney M 1994 smash hit that inspired an entire generation-” “Oh no” “Ra-Ra-Rasputin!!!!-” “PLEASE STOP”

“Don’t you think I’d love you back if I could?!”

“I’d rather eat a whole bag of pecans than spend another minute with you.” “…” “And I’m allergic to pecans.” “Yeah I got that.”

“Grief is the price we pay for love. Ask yourself if it’s worth it.”

“Get me out of here, now!” “What’s in it for me?” “Your head.” “… Alright.”

“I can’t do this anymore.” “You don’t have a choice.”

“I just want to make sure you’re ok.” “That’s very sweet of you but please stop flashing that flashlight into my eye every two seconds.”

“You want to what now?” “Open a bakery.” “That’s weird, I never saw you as the bakery type.” “Why not?” “Well for starters you’ve killed fifty people over the last two days.”

“I’m going to make you go first.” “Of course you are.”

“This makes no sense.” “Shut up.”

“I’d rather be stuck in a time-loop playing Monopoly forever than do that again.”

“Don’t take it personal, they always argue with people they like.” “I do not!”

“It’s of elvish make!” “Look, I don’t care if Elvis made it-” “… I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

“Look upon me and fear!” “You’re 5'2” I could stomp you to death with one foot.“

"I’ve never used this before.” “It’ll be fine, just don’t- Don’t do that.”

“Can you cook me some-” “No.” “You didn’t even hear what I wanted you to make!” “Doesn’t matter. I’m never going into that kitchen ever again.” “What happened in there the last time?” “Horrors. Horrors you can’t imagine.”

“Careful!” “I’m always careful.” “That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s just personal preference.” “Whether or not to kill someone is not personal preference!”

“I wish you’d stop doing that.” “And I wish you’d stop being so annoying. Guess neither of us are getting what we want anytime soon, huh?”

“I hate you.” “I hate you too.” “… So, want to be friends?” “Sure.”

“I can’t believe you actually spent your money on this.” “I know, right?! You can’t put a price on this thing, baby!” “That’s.. that’s not what I meant.”

“Look, it’s obvious we won’t come to an agreement on this.” “Right.” “That leaves us only one choice, doesn’t it?” “Yes.” “Fight to the death-” “-Dance off.” “…”

“What would make you think I actually cared about you?” “Oh, please. You and I know both know the truth. You’re just too much of a coward to admit it.”

“Hey, are you listening to me?” “Sorry it’s just really hard to focus when you look like that”

“This is… interesting.” “No, this is wrong! This is vile, it’s disgusting!” “… Interesting.”

“For the hundredth time, constructive criticism about your cooking is not a personal attack-” “Then why did you say it in that tone?!”

“Don’t make me choose. Please don’t make me choose.”

“Well, they’re certainly sprightly, aren’t they?” “I don’t know what that means but yeah it sounds right.”

“Why do you always think the worst of people?” “Just saving time.”

“I just want you to push me up against the wall and shake me real good!” “Can this please wait we’re at Costco”

“Do you think they’d christen the baby with a squirt gun if we asked?” “… Why would we ask them about that?” “Do you think they would or no?”

“You wanna know what I think?” “No, but you’re probably going to tell me anyway.”

“I love you.” “Yikes, let’s not get into that right now.”

“Don’t talk to me!” “Please it was just a game of Monopoly-” “Silence!!”

“To save you the time and me the breath,”

“I know who you are.” “Oh, so you’ve heard of me?” “Your face is everywhere it’s kind of hard to ignore.” “Right.”

“Ye shall not pass!” “Please I just really need to pee!”

“I can’t believe they’re gone…” “Good riddance if you ask me!” “NOT at thE FUNERAL!”

“Don’t worry, I put the ‘fun’ in 'funeral’!” “I don’t want to find out what that’s supposed to mean.” “Oh, don’t worry, you will!”

“Look what you did!!” “You’re saying that like it wasn’t the point?”

“Every moment with you is a living nightmare.” “I’m glad.”

“Everyone has a weakness. Yours seems to be that you think you don’t have one.”

“There is a darkness deep within me… No matter my efforts it never ceases to claw at my heart, filling me with dread and despair day and night as I sleep and wake in a never ending cycle of doom and disaster, knowing I shall never be set free from the traps of time and torture within me..” “… Are you ok dude?”

“May I presume that you are, indeed, an idiot?” “Yes, you may.”

“I have to talk to you.” “Ok.” “And you need to actually listen.” “Oh..”

“Why on earth do you think I’m into you??” “You always use that sweet nickname for me, remember?” “'Stupid moron’ is not a sweet nickname!!”

“Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna see me.” “Someone is definitely going to see you.” “Why?” “Look at yourself!”

“Why are you so heinously incompetent?” “Can you please calm down, it’s only Monday morning.”

“Why are you smiling? I’m not dead yet, you know.”

“Hey babe, can you let me in? I forgot my keys.” “What’s the password?” “Can we not do this again we’ve lived together for five years-” “The PASSWORD!!!”

“Life is like a game of Monopoly, sweetheart. Equally chaotic and confusing with or without a plan.”

“I’m sorry I can’t go, I avoid any social situations at all costs.” “It’s our wedding-”

“Why are you so annoying?” “Why are you so mad about it?”

“Here are my final thoughts: You are stupid and this plan was dumb.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.”

“I’m sorry, I tried, I really did… I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Please go away.” “We’re handcuffed together, how am I supposed to-”

“I love you with every fiber of my being.” “You’re a ghost so that really isn’t saying much sweetie.”

“Wait, you like me?” “Yeah, isn’t it obvious?” “You sure have a funny way of showing it!”

“I hate you!” “Well now we at least have one thing in common.”

“Listen, if ABBA could come together after both of their divorces and make more music together afterward, you can do this!” “Well after that passionate speech I guess I have no choice.”

“Sure, he’s handsome, but can he cook pecan pie without a recipe?” “Why would that matter?” “Answer the question!”

“You can disagree all you want but that doesn’t make me any less right.”

“You can’t make fun of me.” “Says who?” “Your ugly face, that’s who!”

“This has ‘This Will End Badly’ written all over it. Ready to go?”

“What happened in here?” “See, you ask me that but I don’t really know where to start-”

“Stop always asking me questions you know I don’t know the answer to.”

“I just wish things would make sense for a change.” “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“That’s *name*, otherwise known around these parts as the big dipshit.” “Oh, nice.”

“I’m not qualified to do this, but it’s never stopped me before, so I guess here goes nothing!”

“Oh, trust me, I can dance!” “Is that you or the tequila talking?”

“I don’t know what I thought was going to happen, but this was definitely not it.”

“What was that noise?” “What noise?”

“Gimme, gimmie, gimme a… serotonin.” “Are you ok?”

“Hi, nice to meet you. Prepare to be killed.”

“Where are we??” “Gee, I’m so glad you asked. Let me just activate my google maps implant and-”

“Hey, do you remember that time when-” “No. No, I do not. No further questions, please.”

“Why are you so upset all of the sudden?” “You killed my dad!” “Right, that.”

“I love you.” “Are we playing a game of telephone I don’t know about? What’s going on?”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m not in love with them! Why would you think that?” “Well for one thing you haven’t been able to close their facebook page from your browser in five weeks, so-”

“I just need someone to tell me they’re glad I’m alive.” “I am. So unbelievably glad, more than you could ever imagine.”

“Why aren’t you talking to me?” “Because I’m mad at you.” “Why?” “Need I remind you–”

“You’re everything I’ve ever dreamt of.” “So you’ve only ever had nightmares, huh?” “Yeah.”

“Isn’t it time for you to go to bed?” “Isn’t it time for you to mind your business??” “… Ok. Bed, now.”

“Are you drunk?” “Nooo, whyyy?” “Because you just told me you want to carry me around like a sloth baby.” “Ooooh my little sloth babyyyy!”

“Hon, it’s 4 am, why are you up?” “I… I just have to organize this bookcase…” “*sigh* ok, which is it, by height or color?”

“What did you say?” “WhAt DiD yOu SaY?” “STOP!”

“AHH!!” “What?? What is it?” “Why can you bend like that?!”

“I love you.” “YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW- Oh, wait, hold on-”

“That’s interesting.” “… You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” “Not a clue.”

You come here often?“ "I- … We both live here.”

“I’m sorry but looking like that has to be a punishable offense.”

“Are you lying?” “Why would I lie?” “Because we’re sworn enemies and hate each other’s guts?” “Oh, right, that. Forgot”

“What are you doing??” “Bold of you to assume I’d have an answer to that question.”

“… Are you singing to yourself?” “Oh, yeah, sorry, I didn’t notice.” “No, please, keep singing. It’s nice.”

“Are you okay?” “No. But I will be, with time. I hope”

“Should we do something about this??” “… Or we could just do nothing?” “Yeah let’s do that.”

“How was the cult meeting?” “For the last time, family dinner is not-

"If you so much as look in their direction again, I will kill you, is that clear?”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were dead.”

“How long have you been having these nightmares?” “For months… I just need them to stop. I’ll do anything to make them stop.” “Anything?” “Anything.”

“I haven’t seen you since you blacked out and threw up in my shoes at that party last year.” “… So is that a ‘no’ to the date, or…?”

“Bro you must have the most selective hearing known to man.” “… Sorry, did you say something?” “AAARRRGH!!”

“I miss you. Please come home. Please.”

“He’s got a stick of something stuck up somewhere is you know what I mean.” “Nice.”

“I love you more than I love Ewan McGregor.” “Wow, babe, do you really mean that?” “…. yes.”

“Bro I’m pissed, you really can’t have s#!t in Detroit.” “…I gotta be honest, half the time I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“You really should get a grip.” “You’re one to talk!”

“Why did you do that?!” “I was just trying to be cool.” “Well, it did not work.”

“I gotta tell you, I don’t like our odds on this one.” “Since when has that ever stopped us?” “Just thought I’d mention it.”

“So, about last night…”

“How do you feel?” “Torn apart.”

“And you can be sure of this: I will never cry over it. Never.”

“This isn’t a competition, you know.” “Spoken like a true loser.”

“Hey, it’s me, hope you’re doing well.” “My dog died last night.” “Aw. Anyway-”

“I’m sorry, ok? Here, I brought cookies!” “You killed five people.” “Not a raisin person I see. Noted.”

“Where’s the kid??” “The what?” “You remember that you were supposed to pick them up today, right?” “… I gotta go real quick-” “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

“I can’t do it, I can’t…” “You don’t have a choice.”

“And whatever you do, don’t-” “Don’t what?” “… Do that.”

“I haven’t wanted anyone this bad in a long time.” “I hate that I have to ask this, but do you mean that in a romantic or violent way?” “Both.”

“How do you stay so good, even through all of this?”

“I need you to stay alive… please… I don’t know how to live without you.”

“I’m really glad you feel that you can be honest with me.” “Well you drugged me so I didn’t really have a choice-” “Shh. I really love the growth our relationship is going through.”

“Are you ok? And don’t lie to me.”

“Taken your meds today?” “Yeah, why do you ask?” “No reason.”

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up.” “Please don’t, this car’s new-”

“I think I’m ok now…” “You’re not.” “Why do you care, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to hate me?” “Be quiet. Lie still.”

“Ok bestie, I see what you’re saying.” “Please stop talking like that.”

“Ok, fine, it’s on. You. Me. Karaoke at eight.” “What kind of threat is that??” “You’ll see.”

“Did you just kick that guy in the nuts for no reason??” “Yeah, that’s feminism, baby!” “No, no, it’s really not-”

“Inhumane. Disgusting. I can’t believe you’d do something like that.” “Give me a break-” “Say hello to Geoffrey RIGHT NOW.” “He’s a dog, why do I have to-” “SAY IT!” “…. hello, Geoffrey.”

“Citation needed, please.”

“I don’t like the cut of their jib.” “Do you have to talk like that?” “Talk like what?” “Never mind.”

“We shouldn’t do this, it’s not right.” “Ok Mr. Geneva Conventions.”

“Now, kneel before me. Kneel!”

“Hey, come here a sec.” “Are you going to serenade me about how I’m the love of your life and how your universe would have no light if I weren’t in it?” “No?” “Then no.”

“You got what you wanted, didn’t you?” “I didn’t want it like this! Not like this…”

“I know it’s not much, but, maybe I could hold you, just for a little while.”

“If you want even the slightest chance of surviving this, you have to do exactly as I say, got it?”

“If only one of us is can make it out of here alive… it’s gonna be me.”

“Honey, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” “*sniffs* What if they don’t like the wrapping paper on the gift?” “They will, honey, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.” “Are you sure?” “One hundred percent. Trust me.” “Okay.”

“This is outrageous!” “Sweetheart, you have to calm down.”

“Back then I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse. But then I met them, and I thought, uh oh.” “And we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“How was your day?” “Nice. Why do you ask?” “Because I wanted to make sure you had a nice last day before I kill you”

“Where are the others?” “You mean the scum you call friends?” “Yes, now where are they?”

“You’re an idiot.” “Takes one to know one.”

“Why did you do that?? I got what you were saying, I didn’t need a demonstration!”

“Listen, we don’t want any trouble.” “Well I guess that’s too bad, cuz I do.”

“What are you laughing at?- Actually, I don’t wanna know.”

“If only one of us is can make it out of here alive… it’s gonna be me.”

“This is outrageous!” “Sweetheart, you have to calm down.”

“Back then I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse. But then I met them, and I thought, uh oh.” “And we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“How was your day?” “Nice. Why do you ask?” “Because I wanted to make sure you had a nice last day before I kill you”

“Where are the others?” “You mean the scum you call friends?” “Yes, now where are they?”

“You’re an idiot.” “Takes one to know one.”

“Why did you do that?? I got what you were saying, I didn’t need a demonstration!”

“Listen, we don’t want any trouble.” “Well I guess that’s too bad, cuz I do.”

“What are you laughing at?- Actually, I don’t wanna know.”

“Happy birthday!” “My birthday was a month ago.” “Yikes.”

“So what are you doing to celebrate this year?” “The same thing I always do.” “Wallow in loneliness and self-loathing?” “Yup.”

“Tomorrow would’ve been their twenty-first birthday.” “Would have been?” “Yes. As in I’m going to kill them so they won’t live to see it.”

“I never thought I’d live to see this day.” “I’m so glad you have.” “Me too.”

“Happy birthday.” “How’d you know it’s my birthday?” “Just a lucky guess. Anyway, here’s your ID.” “Where did you get that??”

“I hope you like it, baby.” “Aw, this is so sweet, you shouldn’t have-” “… Well?” “Sweetie, what is that?”

“I know you usually hate celebrating your birthday, so I thought I’d make it a little bit extra special.” “By kidnapping me?” “Now you’re being a little dramatic.”

“Happy birthday!” “Didn’t we celebrate my birthday last year?” “Birthdays are kind of an annual thing.” “Oh.”

“I just want this day to go by in silence, ok?” “Sure, whatever you want.” “Thank you.”

“Do you know what kind of cake they’d like?” “How am I supposed to know that? Cake-preference isn’t really a common topic of conversation on the battlefield.”

“I need a reason to stay.” “I can’t give you any. Not any good ones, anyway.” “A bad one will do.”

“Want to know why everyone hates you? It’s because you are so obviously the envy of everyone in this room and yet totally unaware of it. It’s infuriating.”

“Remember that summer by the cabin when we stole your grandad’s boat and got stuck in the middle of the lake?” “I remember you being the reason we got stuck because you dropped one of the oars in the water.”

“Come, dance with me.”

“I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with you.”

“You make me miserable, you know that?” “Then how come you’re smiling?”

“Don’t open your eyes yet!”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” “Listen, normally I’d let you do what you want, but when that thing involves holding a knife to my face, I feel like I should get to have some say.”

“Now, I’m not saying if I saw them in a burning building I would leave them in there, but-”

“Why does every outing with you have to turn into some sort of ethical dilemma?” “More fun that way.”

“So, yeah, anyway. Where was I?” “You’d just killed your brother with a teacup.” “Right. So, he comes back to life-”

“Boy, have I got news for you!”

“According to my sources, that’s a load of bullshit.” “What sources?” “How about my common sense?”

“Never you mind!”

“I’m not mad, she had to do what she had to do.” “She kidnapped your mom!” “I’m just saying,”

“I’m not so sure about this…” “That’s why you’re not the one in charge!”

“Suck it up buttercup, we’ve got work to do.”

“That’s interesting, but have you considered this…” “… what?” “Therapy?”

“I’d like to suggest a heart-to-heart conversation about this, but considering you don’t have one, that’d be difficult.” “Quite.”

“What happened here?” “I-” “No, stop, I don’t want to know.”

“You’re the eager kind, I see.” “No, just impatient.”

“I had no time to think, so I made a judgment call. But, as I should have known from previous experience, I have very poor judgment.”

“Well, what if you-” “No.” “What?” “I don’t want advice, I just want to complain.” “All right. Go off then, I guess.”

“I’m so single even my mom won’t return my calls.” “Your mom is dead, sweetie.” “I know, but still.”

“Just get it done; it doesn’t much matter how.” “… Machete?” “Yes.” “Gun?” “Yes.” “Lazer gun?” “Yes.” “Rabid monkey?” “Yes.” “Hm… what about a voice-activated fighting drone that shoots lemon juice into people’s eyes-” “JUST GET IT DONE!”

“How was your day?” “Oh, you know, the usual.” “I doubt there’s much ‘usual’ about your usual day.” “I won’t fight you on that one.”

“Well, what do you think?” “He’s nice.” “And?” “And I hate him with every fiber of my being.” “Why am I not surprised.”

“What are you doing?” “Waiting for inspiration to strike.” “How’s it going so far?” “Not good.”

“Crap, what do we do?!” “I don’t know! I majored in physics not in fighting big ugly monsters!” “Look, I don’t think calling it ugly is helping!”

“If nothing’s killed me so far, I doubt this will.” “One can only hope.”

“If we lose this-” “It’s just a game of Capture the Flag honey, it’s not that serious-” “If we lose this, I’m divorcing you.”

“What do you want from me?” “You’ll see soon enough.”

“Can I ask you a favor?” “Can you ask me? Yes. Will I do it?” “… you haven’t even heard what I was going to ask-” “No.”

“Never underestimate the power of a well-timed prank, young padawan.” “See, this is why I never introduce you to people.”

“Not to sound desperate, but, we’re desperate.”

“Don’t ever ask me about that again, is that clear?”

“Hear that?” “Hear what?”

“There you are! I’ve missed you!” “What- What’s going on?”

“Am I supposed to know who you are?”

“I’m bored, wanna do something?” “Sure, what do you want to-” “Bank robbery.” “…” “…” “Should I be concerned?”

“Please, tell me what’s wrong.” “*sigh* Lately, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t feel seen.” “Well, I am blind, darling.” “Yes, of course, sorry. My bad.”

“I love you.” “I don’t believe that.” “Doesn’t change the fact that I do.”

“What’s it going to take to convince you?”

“I’m in love with you.” “… What in the world for?”

“I would prefer death to this.” “I really wish you’d stop talking like that.”

“Why is your face purple?”

“I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”

“But I’ve realized that I’ll never be enough for you. And as much as it hurts me to say it, I’ve realized that you’ll never be enough for me, either.”

“I’m so nervous.” “It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“I was fine on my own, and then you came waltzing in with your long eyelashes and beautiful smile, and now look at me, I’m a mess of epic proportions. And it’s all your fault.”

“Something tells me I’m going to regret this.”

“This will be a lot easier for the both of us if you don’t fight.”

“Fighting is a lot more intimate than undressing, don’t you think?”

“What, you’re not hungry?” “Not hungry enough to eat whatever that is.”

“Why do you have to be so difficult? Sit still!”

“Get out of the way kid, this is none of your business.” “Oh no you don’t. If anyone’s going to kill her, it’s gonna be me.”

“This is getting ugly. We have to leave, now.”

“Don’t you realize that I’m only trying to protect you?”

“I want to stay with you.” “You know I’d never let you do that.” “Why?!” “Why do you think?!”

“Wait, were you worried about me?” “Don’t flatter yourself, I just didn’t want to have to deal with your corpse.”

“Look, I’m sorry I burned your house down and eradicated your entire family, but I think it’s time for you to stop holding a grudge.”

“Don’t give me that. You meant what you said and you know it.”

“All of that to say… I hate you and I wish you were dead.”

“Man, what’s up with that guy?” “He’s just like that. You get used to it. I hope.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic?” “I will literally set you on fire right now.”

“Don’t you think you should reconsider your copious intake of *insert food/drink*?” “Don’t you think you should shut your mouth?”

“This seems like a needlessly complicated way to do this.” “Well I’m in charge so if you have any better suggestions you’re free to keep them to yourself.”

“You want to tell me what’s going on here?” “No, no. Definitely not.”

“Will you stop that?” “Stop what? I wasn’t doing anything!” “I know. Just thought I’d save us the time for when you eventually do something.”

“I haven’t let a man speak to me that way since 2005, and I certainly am not about to now.”

“I promise you’ll be okay.” “What about you?” “Don’t worry about me. Just get out and don’t look back.” “But-” “Promise me.”

“We’re gonna need a whole lot of glitter glue to get out of this one, ladies.”

“That’s my girl.”

“You’re crazy!” “Oh, honey, rest assured, you don’t even know the half of it.”

“How can you be so calm right now?!” “Worrying won’t change anything. You need to calm down.” “Don’t tell me to calm down! You just blew that guy’s head off!!”

“Why are you wearing that thing?” “What thing?” “For goodness sake- YOU’RE WEARING A TRAFFIC CONE ON YOUR HEAD!”

“Don’t you realize how much is at stake?” “You know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“That’s embarrassing.”

“Look, I’m not any more thrilled about this than you are, but can we pretend to like each other for one night?” “All right, fine. But just know that I’ll be wanting to throw up the whole time.” “Likewise.”

“Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” “That kind of depends on what you think I’m saying. But, yeah, sure.”

“What’s wrong with your face?” “What do you mean?” “Oh, wait- You always look like that? Yikes.”

“I would strongly encourage you not to do that.” “Why?” “You don’t want to know.”

“Come with me, please.”

“What’s that smell?”

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” “Well, your mom never complained.”

“Just admit defeat, you’re completely powerless.” “Maybe. But that doesn’t mean I’m defeated just yet.”

“I’m here to do a job. Feelings have nothing to do with it.” “How naïve. Feelings have everything to do with it.”

“So how do you two know each other?” “We’re married.” “Oh!”

“How dare you speak to me that way?”

“I can’t go in there! Are you crazy?” “And why on earth not?” “Look how I’m dressed!” “Darling, you could wear a potato sack and still be the marvel in any room. Now let’s go show them, shall we?”

“Trust me, you’re doing great, just keep going.” “I’m so scared, I can’t do this!!” “Yes, you can. Trust me, you’re almost there!”

“I’m quite proud of you.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” “Well you’ll be dead in about two minutes if you don’t, but it’s up to you.”

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t see the signs… But then again I’m dyslexic, so-”

“Man, not this guy again…” “What?” “I’ve killed that guy five times already but he keeps coming back, it’s really starting to get on my nerves… Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

“You’re not scared of me. I like that.”

“What’s going on??” “Be quiet.” “Why?” “I’m grieving.” “Grieving what?” “My dignity.”

“Well I might not be the smartest guy around, but even a broken clock is right once a day!” “No, that’s… That’s not…”

“Do you see now why everyone hates you?” “Yes, isn’t it marvelous!”

“Are you ok?” “Please don’t ask me that.”

“Where are you going?” “I don’t know yet. But I’ll let you know when I get there.”

“Just because I’m not allowed to do it doesn’t mean I can’t do it. There’s a difference!”

“Enough talking. You came here to play, didn’t you? So, let’s play.”

“He’s dangerous.” “How? He seems nice.” “Exactly; he’s charming. And charm is a man’s most effective weapon.”

“Stop talking, please. Your voice is shrill and piercing and thoroughly unpleasant.” “A simple ‘shut up’ would suffice, you know.”

“I’m having murder thoughts. Come back later.”

“I can’t do it!” “Just shoot your shot, dude. One day they��ll be dead and so will you.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” “Don’t sweat it, I could’ve just as easily have hurt you.” “Well, it’s cute that you think that.”

“May I thunder victoriously against him in the battle for your heart, my sweetest one.”

“What’s going on?!” “Just do as I say and ask questions later!”

“All right, that’s it! Your bloodline ends here!”

“This doesn’t look very promising, does it?” “In my humble opinion? No.”

“Is that mistletoe I see?” “I’m pretty sure that’s poison ivy, actually.” “Well, I’m not picky.”

“Am I crazy, or-” “Yes.” “… You didn’t even hear what I-” “Don’t need to.”

“I’ve loved you from the first moment I ever laid eyes on you.” “Wasn’t that at that party when I was hurling my guts out into the toilet?” “Okay so maybe not the very first moment,”

“Hate you.” “Hate you too. Have a nice day, sweetie.” “You too, babe. See you after work.”

“You followed a recipe this time, right?”

“Are we really about to have this discussion again?” “Yes, and we will keep having it until you realize that I’m right and you’re wrong!”

“How did you end up way out here?”

“Let me tell you something.” “Hm?” “If anyone were ever to write a biography about you, it’d be called The Life of a Dumbass. And situations like this are the exact reason why!”

“Why?” “I don’t know why, and I don’t care why!”

“I’ll give you a word of advice: never wear two pairs of socks.”

“I learned at seventeen why you should never ever wear two pairs of socks.”

“I’m a little kerfuffled.”

“That’s a good example of childhood trauma she hasn’t recovered from.”

“Maybe the oldies are onto something with this.”

“I’m forever in your debt, my friend.” “Just buy me a burger and we’ll call it even, okay?”

“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I think you may be overthinking this.”

“I just want to be with someone who makes me want to live. Someone who makes me glad I’m alive, who’ll make me see the beauty of it. Right now, all I can see is the pain. I want to smile again.”

“I thought you didn’t care about me.” “Only you would be stupid enough to think that.”

“I know you’re a little behind the times, but that’s extreme even for you.”

“It’s scary.” “All of life is scary, sweetheart. But you can’t give up.”

“He’s a complete and utter grump and she’s a precious ray of sunshine. It’s meant to be.”

“Whew, glad that’s over!”

“Everyone’s going to see straight through this.” “No way, I paid top dollar for this!” “Where, the dollar store?!”

“I’m really nervous.” “Me too.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”

“I had a really good time tonight.”

“You look gorgeous. As always.”

“Look, kid, this isn’t personal. It’s just business.” “You stole my grandfather’s ashes!” “Again, nothing personal.”

“Wow, I’ve never seen such a terrible bowler in my entire life.” “Shut up!”

“But just so you know, I intend on being as confusing and annoying as possible the entire time.”

“In terms of sense, there is none detected.”

“I can fix this, I can fix this!” “How?!” “I don’t know, but I can!!”

“Whatever you decide, whether I agree with your decision or not, I’ll support you.”

“Have you seen my bee-jar?” “Your what-now?” “My jar full of bees. Thought that’d be pretty self-explanatory.” “Yeah, I got that part,”

“Being a rational person, I’d strongly advise you against doing this. But I’m also a curious person, so by all means, go ahead.”

“Down, boy.”

“I feel conflicted.” “Why?”

“You obviously aren’t able to take care of yourself right now, so, just for now, I’m going to do it for you. But just know I’m not happy about it.”

“Maybe, just maybe, this was a bad idea.” “You think?!”

“I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but that was by far the stupidest.”

“This is not an insult, just an observation,”

“Oh no! … Anyway.”

“Just seems like everyone’s coming after me these days.” “Wonder why.”

“Room’s a mess, just the way you like it.”

"Don't be fooled, what you're witnessing is a crime."

"Just you wait."

"Deep breaths, come on. Deep breaths."

"This stuff is intoxicating." "Thanks!" "As in poisonous." "Oh."

"What do you mean 'why am I laughing'?!"

"Don't ever say I never do anything for you."

"You thought I wouldn't notice, huh?" "Shut up."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What's so funny?"

"Is that a fact or are you just guessing?" "Do you even have to ask?"

"Look what I found!" "Oh, wonderful honey, wonderful, let me see. What is that...? IS THAT A SNAKE?!"

"Why are you doing that?" "I'm a little forgetful these days, so I need these notes to remind me of things." "You won't forget me, right?" "Oh, never! And if it ever seems like I have, I'm just playing a game, so you just play along, ok?" "Ok!"

"Look at my dress!" "Spectacular. Stunning. Slay."

"Have you seen my glasses?" "You mean the ones on the top of your head?"

"I picked you these flowers." "Daisies! My favorite!"

"I'll tell you, the world's a lot different now from when I was your age." "How?"

"Tell me a story!" "I think you've heard all of my stories, honey... Well, except one."

"I'm not interested in that stuff anymore, grandma/grandpa." "Pity me, I guess I missed the newsletter in which that announcement was made!"

"Did you really make these?" "Yes, I did." "Can you show me how?"

"Why are you walking like that?" "I put my leg on the wrong way this morning, I think!"

"I will not accept defeat. You either win, or you die." "All right, calm down, dude."

"Over my dead body."

"Why are you doing that?" "I'll give you a hint: Revenge."

"You have to leave. Now!"

"This is without a doubt going to have international implications." "It's just pie, honey-" "Just pie?!"

"Don't you think they're a little young for this?"

"Why did you do this to me?"

"You shouldn't be here!" "Neither should you!"

"Let's have a glass of milk and calmly discuss this like adults."

"Together?" "Together."

"Watch this." "Do I have to?"

"Like braids in short hair, I too am barely holding it together."

"I'm burnt out." "We just started!"

"I actually hold a world record." "Oh, cool! In what?" "Dumbassery."

"What's that smell?"

"How's that fair?"

"When I wake up I'm afraid of the idea of facing the day." "I'm sorry to ask this, but, are you... are you quoting Adele?"

"Take no pity, take no prisoners."

"If I'd known I'd have brought some flowers!"

"Meet me at the hotel room." "Ok, Mr. Pitbull."

"He's an evil prick." "Isn't he-" "My husband? Yes."

"I've come to steal and plunder, fellas."

"Smile!"

"As they say, sharing is caring." "I don't think it applies in this situation."

"Play me something." "I haven't played in so long, I don't know..." "Please."

"If I'm going down-" "I'm going with you. I know, I know."

"I'll do whatever's necessary." "I hope so. For your sake. And for the sake of your loved ones."

"How's that even possible??" "We don't know."

"It's always excuses with you!"

"Out of all the people I hate, I hate you the most." "Aw, you really mean that?"

"I haven't been this stressed since I led the conga-line at Uncle Larry's wedding."

"You know... maybe I'm the problem." "You think?!"

"Now what in the fresh-" "My mother's here!" "-homemade bread is going on here? Roberta! Good to see you."

"It is as I suspected, he's a moron."

"Uh oh." "What do you mean 'uh oh'?!"

"Why are you shaking?"

"You're making it really hard for me to play nice right now."

"Tomorrow, he dies."

"Look at this plant!!"

"I'm hearing a lot of accusations and not seeing a whole lot of evidence!" "The dishes are right there!" "... Touché."

"It's time to get the old noggin' joggin', fellas."

"You're coming home with me."

"Please go buy some furniture, I'm begging, this is so sad."

"I suggest you get my name out of your mouth with quickness and haste, honey."

"He just told me I'm Corbin Bleu-ing it, what does that mean?" "I'm so sorry, he means to say that you're pushing it." "... To the limit?" "...Yeah."

"Does he always talk using movie references, or...?" "For my own sanity's sake, I'd prefer not to answer that."

"It's crime time, boys!"

"We're on the same page here." "Yeah, in different books!"

"It's time for you to step up."

"I'll take it from here."

"I'm trying my hardest not to be creepy here." "Yeah, well, try harder."

"Poor baby."

"How you like me now?"

"For once I'm going to need you to work with me instead of against me." "What's in it for me?"

"Come again?"

"You heard what I said."

"Can I ask you for some advice?" "Sure, but there's no quality guarantee." "Obviously."

"Why is she doing that?"

"I fear this is a real threat to my mental stability." "What mental stability?"

"Given the choice of failing on the cautious side and failing on the risky side, I've found the best place to land is in the middle."

"Be forewarned: I'm about to become ten times more insufferable."

"Since when do you knit?" "Since when did I give you permission to be all up in my business? Exactly. So shut up."

"Get in here, right now!"

"And I've been clear on that since the beginning."

"Give me the keys!"

"There's no way, there's just no way."

"Since when?"

"Is this what love is supposed to feel like?"

"I'm not going to let how I look, dictate the way I live my life."

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up." "It's cuz you're always on that phone!"

"I hate you." "Marry me."

"Life is a highway, and I'm always stuck in traffic."

"Bestie I will tear you to shreds."

"Your mother didn't carry you for nine months for you to behave like this." "You don't know my mom at all, do you?"

"Great, so out of two hundred-and-sixteen passengers there's not a single pilot/captain/doctor on board, but we've got five marine biologists, two graphic designers, ten chefs, one Banksy impersonator, and four composers. Fantastic. We're all gonna die." "Anyone here a funeral directory by any chance?"

"Why would you lie about something like that?"

"Stop being so dramatic." "There's a bone sticking out of my arm!" "And?"

"¿Como es?" "I don't speak french, sorry." "*visible confusion*"

"Boo, you psychopath."

"Make no mistake, vengeance will be ours." "Grandma-"

"I know you don't mean to, but sometimes you come across as very villainous."

"Do I regret it? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Without a doubt."

"You've got a real attitude problem, kid." "That's just his personality, sir."

"This isn't a competition, dude." "You're right, it's not even close!" "That's not what I meant."

"I want to go home..." "I know, I know. We will, soon, okay?"

"I've decided to be nice." "... Why?"

"Could you please shut up and stop being so annoying?" "Sorry, you're gonna have to pick one, I can't do both."

"Do you recognize this?" "Where did you find that?"

"Here, you're gonna need this." "Is that a machine gun? Who brings a machine gun to lunch??"

"And when I rule the world,-" "Don't you mean 'if'?" "... As I was saying, when I rule the world,"

"Why is no one dead?"

"Riveting."

"Fascinating."

"I hate that I can't tell whether you're joking or not."

"Why are you doing that? This is not a thumbs-up situation."

"You better watch your back!"

"This is feminism, baby." "It's really not..."

"Who still asks for permission?"

"Lighten up, it's tradition!"

"You hungry?" "Famished."

"That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve been listening to myself speak for twenty years."

"Let’s just say we have unfinished business."

"You're in my way. Move."

"Don't worry, it'll all make sense later." "I sincerely doubt that."

"Do you have to wear that?"

"You drugged them?!" "Yeah, what's the problem?"

"Are you always this jittery?"

"What are you doing?" "Tidying." "...Why?"

"Listen here, ugly."

"Let me throw up real quick-"

"Since when are you part of the group?" "Since I can beat up all your asses, that's when." "...I'll give you that."

"Any questions?" "Several. First of,"

"Pay attention, this is important."

"I get the feeling that you don't like me very much." "I don't."

"This feels illegal." "It's not, I checked." "That doesn't make me feel better."

"Are you two fighting again?!"

"On the bright side, it can't get any worse." "I strongly doubt that."

"You can keep telling yourself that, but it won't change what happened."

"And who's going to pay for this?"

"Coming from you, that doesn't really mean much."

#writerblr #sorry its so long

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 3 months

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Words for Skin Tone | How to Describe Skin Color

We discussed the issues describing People of Color by means of food in Part I of this guide, which brought rise to even more questions, mostly along the lines of “So, if food’s not an option, what can I use?” Well, I was just getting to that!

This final portion focuses on describing skin tone, with photo and passage examples provided throughout. I hope to cover everything from the use of straight-forward description to the more creatively-inclined, keeping in mind the questions we’ve received on this topic.

Standard Description

Basic Colors

Pictured above: Black, Brown, Beige, White, Pink.

“She had brown skin.”

This is a perfectly fine description that, while not providing the most detail, works well and will never become cliché.

Describing characters’ skin as simply brown or beige works on its own, though it’s not particularly telling just from the range in brown alone.

Complex Colors

These are more rarely used words that actually “mean” their color. Some of these have multiple meanings, so you’ll want to look into those to determine what other associations a word might have.

Pictured above: Umber, Sepia, Ochre, Russet, Terra-cotta, Gold, Tawny, Taupe, Khaki, Fawn.

Complex colors work well alone, though often pair well with a basic color in regards to narrowing down shade/tone.

For example: Golden brown, russet brown, tawny beige…

As some of these are on the “rare” side, sliding in a definition of the word within the sentence itself may help readers who are unfamiliar with the term visualize the color without seeking a dictionary.

“He was tall and slim, his skin a russet, reddish-brown.”

Comparisons to familiar colors or visuals are also helpful:

“His skin was an ochre color, much like the mellow-brown light that bathed the forest.”

Modifiers

Modifiers, often adjectives, make partial changes to a word.The following words are descriptors in reference to skin tone.

Dark - Deep - Rich - Cool

Warm - Medium - Tan

Fair - Light - Pale

Rich Black, Dark brown, Warm beige, Pale pink…

If you’re looking to get more specific than “brown,” modifiers narrow down shade further.

Keep in mind that these modifiers are not exactly colors.

As an already brown-skinned person, I get tan from a lot of sun and resultingly become a darker, deeper brown. I turn a pale, more yellow-brown in the winter.

While best used in combination with a color, I suppose words like “tan” “fair” and “light” do work alone; just note that tan is less likely to be taken for “naturally tan” and much more likely a tanned White person.

Calling someone “dark” as description on its own is offensive to some and also ambiguous. (See: Describing Skin as Dark)

Undertones

Undertones are the colors beneath the skin, seeing as skin isn’t just one even color but has more subdued tones within the dominating palette.

pictured above: warm / earth undertones: yellow, golden, copper, olive, bronze, orange, orange-red, coral | cool / jewel undertones: pink, red, blue, blue-red, rose, magenta, sapphire, silver.

Mentioning the undertones within a character’s skin is an even more precise way to denote skin tone.

As shown, there’s a difference between say, brown skin with warm orange-red undertones (Kelly Rowland) and brown skin with cool, jewel undertones (Rutina Wesley).

“A dazzling smile revealed the bronze glow at her cheeks.”

“He always looked as if he’d ran a mile, a constant tinge of pink under his tawny skin.”

Standard Description Passage

“Farah’s skin, always fawn, had burned and freckled under the summer’s sun. Even at the cusp of autumn, an uneven tan clung to her skin like burrs. So unlike the smooth, red-brown ochre of her mother, which the sun had richened to a blessing.”

-From my story “Where Summer Ends” featured in Strange Little Girls

Here the state of skin also gives insight on character.

Note my use of “fawn” in regards to multiple meaning and association. While fawn is a color, it’s also a small, timid deer, which describes this very traumatized character of mine perfectly.

Though I use standard descriptions of skin tone more in my writing, at the same time I’m no stranger to creative descriptions, and do enjoy the occasional artsy detail of a character.

Creative Description

Whether compared to night-cast rivers or day’s first light…I actually enjoy seeing Characters of Colors dressed in artful detail.

I’ve read loads of descriptions in my day of white characters and their “smooth rose-tinged ivory skin”, while the PoC, if there, are reduced to something from a candy bowl or a Starbucks drink, so to actually read of PoC described in lavish detail can be somewhat of a treat.

Still, be mindful when you get creative with your character descriptions. Too many frills can become purple-prose-like, so do what feels right for your writing when and where. Not every character or scene warrants a creative description, either. Especially if they’re not even a secondary character.

Using a combination of color descriptions from standard to creative is probably a better method than straight creative. But again, do what’s good for your tale.

Natural Settings - Sky

Pictured above: Harvest Moon -Twilight, Fall/Autumn Leaves, Clay, Desert/Sahara, Sunlight - Sunrise - Sunset - Afterglow - Dawn- Day- Daybreak, Field - Prairie - Wheat, Mountain/Cliff, Beach/Sand/Straw/Hay.

Now before you run off to compare your heroine’s skin to the harvest moon or a cliff side, think about the associations to your words.

When I think cliff, I think of jagged, perilous, rough. I hear sand and picture grainy, yet smooth. Calm. mellow.

So consider your character and what you see fit to compare them to.

Also consider whose perspective you’re describing them from. Someone describing a person they revere or admire may have a more pleasant, loftier description than someone who can’t stand the person.

“Her face was like the fire-gold glow of dawn, lifting my gaze, drawing me in.”

“She had a sandy complexion, smooth and tawny.”

Even creative descriptions tend to draw help from your standard words.

Flowers

Pictured above: Calla lilies, Western Coneflower, Hazel Fay, Hibiscus, Freesia, Rose

It was a bit difficult to find flowers to my liking that didn’t have a 20 character name or wasn’t called something like “chocolate silk” so these are the finalists.

You’ll definitely want to avoid purple-prose here.

Also be aware of flowers that most might’ve never heard of. Roses are easy, as most know the look and coloring(s) of this plant. But Western coneflowers? Calla lilies? Maybe not so much.

“He entered the cottage in a huff, cheeks a blushing brown like the flowers Nana planted right under my window. Hazel Fay she called them, was it?”

Assorted Plants & Nature

Pictured above: Cattails, Seashell, Driftwood, Pinecone, Acorn, Amber

These ones are kinda odd. Perhaps because I’ve never seen these in comparison to skin tone, With the exception of amber.

At least they’re common enough that most may have an idea what you’re talking about at the mention of “pinecone.“

I suggest reading out your sentences aloud to get a better feel of how it’ll sounds.

“Auburn hair swept past pointed ears, set around a face like an acorn both in shape and shade.”

I pictured some tree-dwelling being or person from a fantasy world in this example, which makes the comparison more appropriate.

I don’t suggest using a comparison just “cuz you can” but actually being thoughtful about what you’re comparing your character to and how it applies to your character and/or setting.

Wood

Pictured above: Mahogany, Walnut, Chestnut, Golden Oak, Ash

Wood can be an iffy description for skin tone. Not only due to several of them having “foody” terminology within their names, but again, associations.

Some people would prefer not to compare/be compared to wood at all, so get opinions, try it aloud, and make sure it’s appropriate to the character if you do use it.

“The old warlock’s skin was a deep shade of mahogany, his stare serious and firm as it held mine.”

Metals

Pictured above: Platinum, Copper, Brass, Gold, Bronze

Copper skin, brass-colored skin, golden skin…

I’ve even heard variations of these used before by comparison to an object of the same properties/coloring, such as penny for copper.

These also work well with modifiers.

“The dress of fine white silks popped against the deep bronze of her skin.”

Gemstones - Minerals

Pictured above: Onyx, Obsidian, Sard, Topaz, Carnelian, Smoky Quartz, Rutile, Pyrite, Citrine, Gypsum

These are trickier to use. As with some complex colors, the writer will have to get us to understand what most of these look like.

If you use these, or any more rare description, consider if it actually “fits” the book or scene.

Even if you’re able to get us to picture what “rutile” looks like, why are you using this description as opposed to something else? Have that answer for yourself.

“His skin reminded her of the topaz ring her father wore at his finger, a gleaming stone of brown, mellow facades.”

Physical Description

Physical character description can be more than skin tone.

Show us hair, eyes, noses, mouth, hands…body posture, body shape, skin texture… though not necessarily all of those nor at once.

Describing features also helps indicate race, especially if your character has some traits common within the race they are, such as afro hair to a Black character.

How comprehensive you decide to get is up to you. I wouldn’t overdo it and get specific to every mole and birthmark. Noting defining characteristics is good, though, like slightly spaced front teeth, curls that stay flopping in their face, hands freckled with sunspots…

General Tips

Indicate Race Early: I suggest indicators of race be made at the earliest convenience within the writing, with more hints threaded throughout here and there.

Get Creative On Your Own: Obviously, I couldn’t cover every proper color or comparison in which has been “approved” to use for your characters’ skin color, so it’s up to you to use discretion when seeking other ways and shades to describe skin tone.

Skin Color May Not Be Enough: Describing skin tone isn’t always enough to indicate someone’s ethnicity. As timeless cases with readers equating brown to “dark white” or something, more indicators of race may be needed.

Describe White characters and PoC Alike: You should describe the race and/or skin tone of your white characters just as you do your Characters of Color. If you don’t, you risk implying that White is the default human being and PoC are the “Other”).

PSA: Don’t use “Colored.” Based on some asks we’ve received using this word, I’d like to say that unless you or your character is a racist grandmama from the 1960s, do not call People of Color “colored” please.

Not Sure Where to Start? You really can’t go wrong using basic colors for your skin descriptions. It’s actually what many people prefer and works best for most writing. Personally, I tend to describe my characters using a combo of basic colors + modifiers, with mentions of undertones at times. I do like to veer into more creative descriptions on occasion.

Want some alternatives to “skin” or “skin color”? Try: Appearance, blend, blush, cast, coloring, complexion, flush, glow, hue, overtone, palette, pigmentation, rinse, shade, sheen, spectrum, tinge, tint, tone, undertone, value, wash.

Skin Tone Resources

List of Color Names

The Color Thesaurus

Skin Undertone & Color Matching

Tips and Words on Describing Skin

Photos: Undertones Described (Modifiers included)

Online Thesaurus (try colors, such as “red” & “brown”)

Don’t Call me Pastries: Creative Skin Tones w/ pics I

Writing & Description Guides

WWC Featured Description Posts

WWC Guide: Words to Describe Hair

Writing with Color: Description & Skin Color Tags

7 Offensive Mistakes Well-intentioned Writers Make

I tried to be as comprehensive as possible with this guide, but if you have a question regarding describing skin color that hasn’t been answered within part I or II of this guide, or have more questions after reading this post, feel free to ask!

~ Mod Colette

#writeblr

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 6 months

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Cuddles

Mighty Nein & Child!Reader (Child of the Nein)

*Crawls out of the void* I still live… *drops post and crawls back into the void*

Jester

You are always eager for cuddles and Jester is just as eager to return them, sometimes the two of you smiling goofily at each other while trying to see who can squeeze the other the tightest (usually Jester wins, but you get a victory every now and again). Other times you both just snuggle together, enjoying the moment of relief from adventuring.

On days when you’re usual enthusiastic attitude is nothing but a distant memory, so to speak, is when extra special cuddles are needed the most. Jester will sit with you, slowly bringing you closer to her as a way of asking if you were okay with it. When you lean in accepting the hug she’ll pull you onto her lap and hum a tune her just like her mother used to while gently petting down your hair in a comforting way, this usually leads to you falling asleep to which Jester will give a kiss to the top of your head.

Nott/Veth

It’s not that you don’t like cuddles, it’s just you’re not used to them, especially when you first met Nott. She was very understanding of this and took the time to help ease you into the feeling. Even now after all this time you’re still slightly hesitant about it but defiantly more eager to curl up next to her for some R&R.

There are days where even though your past is behind you and you’re a brand new halfling, you still feel like that icky runt of a goblin you used to be. Veth is quick to catch you when you’re like this and jumps right into mom mode, letting you curl into her for extra comfort while she makes sure you know that despite everything she still loves you for who you are. Her comfort and reassurance always helps ease your frantic mind.

Caleb

You love hugs and cuddles, Caleb does not, or at the very least he’s not the most open to them. There were two great ways to get them from him though, the most common was to steal Frumpkin as a substitute, the cat purring and rubbing against you while you happily snuggled into his soft fur. The other way was when Caleb polymorphs into an animal, giving you the chance to still snuggle into warm and fluffy fur while also enjoying Caleb’s company (he’s also extra protective of you like this but shhh, that’s a secret 🤫).

The rare off days where you’re the one feeling down are different. At first Caleb just lets Frumpkin handle it, after all the fey cat has helped him through many tough spots. With time and the more Caleb opens up he’ll approach you himself, offering to read stories to you or use Dancing Lights as that’s your favourite spell and especially the way he shifts the glowing orbs around easily helps brighten your mood once again.

Caduceus

Who were you if not usually soft and gentle, figuratively and literally, so naturally you’re always one to enjoy a comforting cuddle and Caduceus is always happy to share a cuddle with you. You’ll sit together and lean your head against his chest, smiling up at him while he contently smiles back, most of the time you’ll have a nice warm cup of tea to go with it, just adding that much more to the comfortable atmosphere between you.

It happens more often then you’d like where your thoughts will sour your mood, locking you in the past and spiralling into what if scenarios. A gentle hand on your shoulder pulls you away from it, and a comforting squeeze fulling brings you back to reality where Caduceus is waiting with a fresh pot of chamomile tea for the both of you. You don’t say much as you sip on your beverage, you don’t have to, he understands you need that space for yourself. He’ll offer you reassurance while you snuggle into his side, wrapping his arm around you that, in a way, helps protect you from those sour thoughts coming back.

Fjord

You’re not one to jump at an opportunity for cuddles but you don’t mind them either. Fjord would argue you actually very much enjoy cuddles, but it’s usually when you’re sleepy but feel too stubborn to fall asleep right away. There are multiple times you’d force yourself to stay awake so you don’t miss something important with the Nein, only for you to curl up against Fjord and end up passing out anyways. He doesn’t mind in the slightest, he likes that you feel safe enough with him to fall asleep.

When you’re having a bad day you’re not exactly willing to say something right away, you’ve gotten better at it over time but there are still days when you just get really quiet and standoffish with everyone. Fjord will almost immediately catch on to what’s happening and check on you, if you need a bit of space but don’t want to be alone, he’ll sit with you until you’re feeling better, if you’re looking for some comfort Fjord will happily lift you into his arms and hold you in a safe and secure grip until you’re back to your usual self again.

Beau

You’re indifferent when it comes to something like cuddles, you don’t hate them but you don’t care much about them either. What you usually do is give Beau a gentle punch to her arm as a sign of affection, she’ll do the same back at ya and you both call it a day.

It’s rare but there are days were you just feel down, your mind almost forcing you to wonder if you were ever good enough for anyone, you usually try to take your mind off it by distracting yourself with training. It’s not long for Beau to notice you’re quiet and sad demeanour, she’ll get you to sit next to her when you take a quick break, wrap an arm around your shoulder and gently pull you into her side. Depending on how upset you are will depend on if you’ll get Beau to also draw small designs on your arm too, defiantly helps you feel better after some time.

Yasha

You’re not the most open to touch, maybe the occasional hug here and there but you don’t initiate it. It’s not that you don’t like them, you’re just so used to keeping your distance with people that you almost feel a bit uncomfortable with it. Yasha doesn’t mind this, of course, she’s about the same when it comes to hugs and cuddles but with time and lots of patience you’re both more open to it, you still don’t seek it out for yourself though.

More often then not you’re caught up in your thoughts, part of you wanting to seek out Yasha for a bit of comfort but the other part of you doesn’t always know how to go about it. Thankfully Yasha has become very good at reading your emotions and is understanding when you need to work things out for yourself, she knows you’ll come to her when you’re ready and even though you fumble through your words she’ll wait for you to finish explaining yourself before offering you the comfort you’re looking for.

Molly

You love cuddles, simple as that. Someone wants hug, you’re happy to offer. There are times you take a running start towards Molly, making him drop whatever he might be doing at the time to catch you when you jump at him for a quick cuddle before letting him finish what he’s doing. It never bothers him when you “sneak attack” him like that, he finds it fun and great for keeping himself aware of his surroundings, win-win all around.

The literal second your emotions get you down Molly notices, your usual upbeat attitude suddenly disappearing never sits well with him. It’s one of those rare times where the Nein, aside from Yasha, will see Molly’s softer, more caring side show itself. The normally eccentric tiefling now calmly and quietly holding you, brushing a hand through your hair to soothe away the bad thoughts that dare tired to enter your brain.

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 6 months

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Warnings: This story explores grief in a tangible way. These are children. This is a mother and a leader who has lost her chance to be a wife. Please take care and caution when reading.

Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Keyleth & Original Child Character(s), Keyleth & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)

Keyleth will never stop loving Vax'ildan. Nor will she stop loving his adopted children, Fia and Talric. Now that he's left the mortal plane, however, she struggles with her role as mother without him. The children learn to mourn their father, as she learns to mourn alongside them. Together, they learn to rely on each other as a family… and also, that their beloved Vax is never as far away as he might appear.

Written in collaboration with the incredibly kind RottenKidNextDoor (PortalofWords)

#keyleth #original characters #vex'ahlia #vex #vax'ildan #vax #vaxleth #critical role #critical role fic #ao3 #somethingwritey #new fic #updates friday #critical role spoilers #vox machina oc #critical role oc #critical role campaign 1 #vox machina #critical role c1

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 10 months

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Fine. I’ll give Scary a step sibling myself! Since I guess no one else is going to read my brain an make them. TJ Stampler, Terry’s kid from a previous relationship; Scary’s step-menace sibling.

#dndads quest #dndaddies #dndads #dndads s2 #dungeon and daddies #dungeon and daddies season 2 #terry jr #terry jr.#terry stampler #I wanted to draw Terry’s kid from a previous relationship #yes Scary’s step-sibling #!!! <3 #they’re called T.J.#i love them so muuuuuch

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 10 months

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I’ll Paint Your Picture, Darling Excerpt 2

Word count: ?

Characters: Fjord, Jester Lavorre(mentioned), Original Child Character

Warnings: No archive warnings apply.

Notes: Chapter from my archive story; I’ll Paint Your Picture, Darling

Written in collaboration with the incredibly kind @somethingwritey

———

It was a near-perfect beach day.

Fjord and Jester had seen many, many coastlines in their day, but they both agreed that Nicodranas had one of the very best.

They so rarely got to enjoy it, though, what with their boat life and shipping company, so when they did spend extended time at home in their little artsy house, it was a luxury. And one that they all intended to enjoy, at least for a little while. So despite all the work that still needed to be done on their home, all the gardening that needed to be completed, all the half-painted walls that never seemed to be done, Jester decided that they all needed a leisurely outing.

Which is how Eysel found herself swinging happily between Fjord and Jester as they walked together down to the beach, a picnic basket clutched in Fjord’s other arm.

“You look very lovely, Fjord,” Jester grinned, motioning to the frilly little basket. “Very handsome. So pretty.”

Eysel giggled, squeezing Jester’s hand. She liked it when Jester made Fjord all flushed in the face. No one else could really do that except for her.

As they strolled down towards the water, Eysel saw many other families enjoying the nice weather. Some of them were big. Others were small.

Once upon a time, she used to feel heavy in her chest whenever she saw things like that. Now, she just jumped higher between Jester and Fjord, using their hands to propel herself into the air as they swung her back and forth.

She didn’t want to be those families anymore.

She liked her own just fine.

———

“Whatcha doin’ there, Eyselcakes?” Fjord called as he and Jester set out the blanket on the warm sand and positioned the umbrella for shade. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect, with a nearly cloudless sky and small wavelets that kissed the shoreline.

Eysel was currently burying herself in the sand. She’d spent the last twenty minutes chasing away any and all seagulls in the surrounding area, laughing and growling playfully. Now, she’d nearly covered herself in the mounds of golden grains.

At the sound of Fjord’s voice, she looked over—grinning widely. She so rarely got to let completely loose like this, and it showed in her face. She glowed. “Hi, Fjord.”

“Hi.” He shielded his eyes from the bright sun. “You’re very sandy.”

She laughed, nodding. “Yes. I am.” She noticed a shell sitting a few inches away and snatched it up, tucking into the sand burrow. Fjord suspected she had a whole hoard of shells in there.

He shook his head, continuing to help Jester lay out their supplies. “She’s a funny one.”

“That’s our Eysel.” Jester gave Fjord a kiss on the cheek. “I think she gets it from me.”

After their camp was satisfactory, Fjord decided it was time to cool off in the water. He ran straight into the surf, paddling, splashing and waving to Jester—who was currently curled up on the blanket with her new... romance... book.

The salt water felt divine, and he breathed a deep, calm breath as he thanked the Wildmother for the peace that had been returned to him. The ocean no longer provided such a terrifying pull; he no longer felt his old patron’s presence in his chest.

“Thank you,” Fjord said quietly, eyes shut as his legs treaded through the cool water. “For everything.” He was met with a warm ocean breeze blowing past his cheek.

Caduceus would probably call this meditation.

Fjord just... called it a conversation.

Once he was satisfied that the Wildmother felt his gratitude, Fjord floated closer to the shore, eyeing Eysel still happily hoarding her shells in the sand burrow.

“Eysel,” Fjord called, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Come swim.”

She eyed him, shaking her head. “No.”

“Oh, come on. Are you gonna make me swim alone?” Fjord waded into the more shallow water, beckoning. “C’mere, I’ll hold you.”

That, at least, seemed to be a more promising solution. Eysel crawled out of her burrow—sand raining off her body—and carefully joined him at the shallowest edge of the ocean.

She took thoughtful steps, letting the water brush around her toes, ankles, thighs, before nestling herself in Fjord’s arms. He held her, swaying back and forth. She was light as a feather in the water.

Occasionally, he splashed her, and she would growl—retaliating in equal force. Apparently, they were having so much fun that it was too good for Jester to pass up, because she set down her book and joined them, too.

Eysel grew a bit more confident the more she paddled about, still clinging a bit to Jester or Fjord—whoever was closer. She conceded to letting them swing her up and over the waves, just as they’d been doing on dry land.

She drew the line, however, at jumping off the nearby rocks into the water below. Apparently, the lack of flying in this form was a big detractor.

“Just jump!” Fjord called up to her, watching Jester try and coax Eysel to the edge. “It’s just like flying, I promise.”

“Nah uh!” Eysel shook her head, sending water droplets flying. “Flying doesn’t involve falling.”

“This is fun falling!”

Still, it took her another ten or so minutes to creep to the edge, and another five minutes (along with the promise of gelato before dinner) to actually leap off with Jester. Eysel landed right on top of Fjord, sending him plummeting into the depths below, but that was alright.

He didn’t mind.

“I told you I’d catch you,” he grinned, only wincing slightly as he rubbed his shoulder where she’d landed.

“I smushed you, Dadi,” she corrected, holding onto his arm as he paddled her back to the rocks. “Can I go again?”

Fjord nearly dropped her, heart stopping. It was the very first time she’d ever called him that, and he swallowed hard—a sudden tightness swelling in his throat. He gripped Eysel tighter, hugging her.

“Sure thing, Bee,” he said hoarsely, hoisting her back up onto the rock. “We can definitely do that again.”

As the sun slowly turned the sky golden, beginning to dip below the line of sea and sky beyond, the three of them entertained themselves by diving off the rock in increasingly crazy ways.

Fjord canon-balled.

Jester flipped.

And Eysel twirled—flapping her arms a little like they were wings.

Finally, the little girl seemed to grow tired, and they all paddled back to shore for some dinner.

“Gelato first,” Eysel reminded Jester.

“Yum.” Jester certainly didn’t seem to be complaining.

———

Jester didn’t think anyone else had ever had such a lovely picnic.

Surely, someone had, in all the years of Exandria, but her dinner with Eysel and Fjord had to rank among the top ten. Maybe even top five.

It wasn’t perfect.

Eysel accidentally dropped half her sandwich into the sand, Fjord forgot to pack the lemonade, and she used up all the napkins trying to clean gelato off Eysel’s face.

But that was okay.

They were laughing, and the food was good, and the evening was warm and rosy. Once they’d sufficiently stuffed themselves, she and Eysel decided to bury Fjord in the sand. He only grumbled a little bit as they set to work, digging a hole big enough for him to fit into before filling it back in with the sand—still warm from the day’s sunshine.

As Eysel went to cover Fjord’s head, Jester shot out her arms. “No, no. Air. Fjord needs to breathe, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s not a fish.”

Jester smiled, and Fjord looked up at her thankfully. “My hero,” he winked. And then grunted, trying to twist and break free from his sandy bonds. “I may not be a fish, Eysel... but I’m still a sea monster!”

With one last roar, he broke free—chasing a squealing Eysel all around the beach. He chased Jester a bit too, grabbing her around the middle and kissing her neck when Esyel wasn’t looking.

“Fjord,” Jester laughed, pretending to struggle. Secretly, her heart leapt, and butterflies stormed her stomach. She’d never get used to knowing that he was hers.

This life... this family... it was more than she’d ever thought she would have.

“Ew!” Eysel had spotted them now, sticking out her tongue.

“What?” Fjord kissed Jester’s cheek quite dramatically. “Am I not allowed to kiss my Jester? Huh, Eysel?” He took off after her again, sending the little girl screaming away.

The chase slowly became a leisurely stroll, and the three of them fell into line as they walked beside the shoreline. It was definitely sunset now—the remaining dregs of sunshine putting on quite a show before they let the night take over.

Eysel ran ahead, collecting shells and running them back to Fjord and Jester to hold while she gathered more. She always seemed a bit confused as to how they disappeared when she returned, and Fjord and Jester shared a small smile with each other.

“This is nice,” Fjord said quietly to Jester as they walked.

“Yeah, it is.” She couldn’t agree more. “It’s funny. I’ve lived in Nicodranas my whole life, practically. But I never saw it like this before.”

Eysel crouched down ahead of them, inspecting something.

Fjord took Jester’s hand in his. “Same place. New chapter.”

“Something like that,” she laughed.

Tiny footsteps alerted them to the approach of Eysel, who was scurrying back to them with something cupped in her hands. “I found something,” she told them.

Jester knelt to get a better look, and saw a tiny little crab nestled in Eysel’s palm. “Oh. A little creature.”

“I want to keep it.” Eysel tried to hand the crab to Fjord. “She can go with my shells.”

Jester glanced at Fjord, chewing on her lip. She carefully touched Eysel’s wrist. “Little Bee, why don’t we let her go? Instead of keeping her all locked up?”

Eysel pouted a bit, shoulders sagging. “Why?”

“Well,” Jester’s mind searched. “She has a family. A little crab family. And we can’t split them up, right? Families belong together.”

Slowly, Eysel’s pout dissolved into a pensive expression. She nodded, opening her palm and setting the crab down on the sand.

“Mama?”

Jester blinked, realizing suddenly that Eysel was talking about her. She was Mamma. The name washed over her like the waves themselves, bathing her. She wanted to jump and cry and scream, and she didn’t do any of those things. She just nodded—patient, present.

“Will the crab be happy?” Eysel asked.

Jester bundled Eysel into a hug, trying not to cry. “Yes, Sweets. So happy. She has a mamma who loves her very, very much.” Pulled back, she tapped Eysel’s nose. “Like you.”

They watched the little thing scuttle back into the ocean, waving goodbye.

The stars eventually came into view—slowly at first, then all the sudden there were hundreds of them. They winked and flickered high, high above.

Jester held Eysel in her arms, leaning up against Fjord as the three of them stared at the sky. Occasionally, he would point out constellations, telling Eysel their stories. She liked the way his low voice rumbled against her body.

It wasn’t long before Eysel’s breathing evened out, and Jester knew the little girl had fallen asleep in her arms.

“All tuckered out,” Fjord commented, a smile in his voice.

“She had a big day.” Jester made sure Eysel was asleep. “We had a big day. Did you hear what she called me?”

“I did.”

“Did she— for you?”

“In the water.”

Jester resisted the urge to squeal, not wanting to disrupt the sleeping child in her arms. “That means we really are parents now.”

“We were always parents,” Fjord assured her. “It’s been quite the adventure.”

“A good one, though.” Jester liked adventures. “I don’t want this one to end.”

“It’s not ending.” Fjord stared up at the sky for a long moment, exhaling gently. “I think it’s just beginning, really. There’s a lot more in store for us. I feel it.”

“I hope so.”

And that was the absolute truth.

#critical role #critical role fic #the mighty nein #mighty nein oc #critical role fjord #fjord stone #critical role jester #jester lavorre #found family #a lot of fluff #campaign 2 spoilers #campaign 2 #mighty nein spoilers #critical role oc #critical role spoilers #dungeons and dragons #dnd #dnd 5e

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 10 months

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Coming out of therapy with the realization that I had my first panic attack in a chicken coop. I had a normal and happy childhood.

#shitpost #shit post #this is more about me #something I didnt need to know #im doing great

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 10 months

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Imagine an Au where Terry has a daughter Scary's stepsister and they have to explain the fallout of "When Terry Met Terry" to the kid.

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 1 year

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The Eradith Siblings

Born in the elven city of Syngorn to the Herald of the New Age, Kesstryn Eradith, the Eradith children were putatively raised amongst the cream of elven society. As a young child Talric was always trying to make a good impression on his mother, but they hardly acknowledged his interests and/or achievements due to a general disinterest in him. Regardless, he persisted hoping to gain his mother’s attention.

When he was five, his mother, reoriented his genes, fundamentally refitting his genetics to further her own “studies.” Thusly, his agreeable nature was stripped and replaced with an insecure, opportunistic, and distrustful disposition. Alas, on his sister, Fia’s, second birthday, their mother reformed her body, irrevocably marring Fia’s drafted path in life. In one fell breach of kinship, Fia’s childhood was poached, replaced with endless days of ridicule and exclusion.

In the days following her transfiguration, her brother, Talric implemented a plot that delivered them from the abuses of their mother. On account of this, the two spent the ensuing years, growing up in isolation. After a year or so foraging, they were taken under the wings of half-elven twins, Vax’ildan and Vex’halia Vessar.

Talric Eradith

Talric is a pragmatic and efficacious interbred elven child. He approaches almost all matters with a rigid survivalist attitude that distinctly belies his age. A rather guarded individual, he presents a tendency towards extremely inconsistent social behavior and has a hard time trusting others. Talric has admitted that as much as he craves a meaningful relationship with other humanoids they feel they cannot rely on others to meet their physical or emotional needs. They have trouble believing that any individual, primarily adults, will love and support them as they are. Thus, he’s adopted the isolating defensive mechanism that is social withdrawal. Pushing people away has become his default. Intriguingly, the little boy exhibits an unparalleled self-possessed peace of mind when performing duties in open air environments, especially those involving the exercise of tree climbing.

Considering the mannerisms of other children, Talric is comparatively cautious and calculating, reserving his warmer, gentler moments for his beloved younger sister, Fía. Given that his mother, someone he trusted to unequivocally love and accept him, didn't, his apprehension in social settings is understandable. Vulnerability, more often than not, has rewarded him with nothing but pain. Still, it is unclear to what extent his asocial personality and behavior are genuine. Much of his detached behavior is viewed as a façade for his desperate yet haunting desire for affection; at least from those in his party. He has shown he can be fairly loving and understanding. However, these moments are far and few between and the few performed for anyone other than his sister are even less common.

Deviating from his reclusive bearing, Talric is quite clever and astute; or a “scheming little shit” as numerous individuals throughout the campaign have called him. Aided by an amazingly calculative mind, Talric has shown himself on multiple occasions to be capable of developing and managing intricate traps to injure and incapacitate adversaries. This is perhaps best illustrated in "Best Laid Plans..."(1x50) as he was able to use the variables from the information gathered by his investigation to predict paths that would lead to certain outcomes. This insight allowed him to devise a whole array of booby traps that effectively removed two-fifths of the members of the Herd of Storms from combat. Though he predominantly crafts his traps to be nonlethal, this rather merciful control can be overturned.

Fiannim Eradith

Fiannim is a sentimental, fairly quiet, rapt individual, who like many others her age is also curious minded and venturesome. Nevertheless, having grown up in nearly complete isolation, she is exceptionally wary in unfamiliar settings. Curiously, even with everything she’s highly cognizant of other individuals’ emotional states, good and bad: tied with her innate benevolence, she has an intense desire to help those in need (even to her detriment). Still, as a relatively passive individual she has a tendency to depend on others, namely her older brother, to take the lead in overwhelming social settings. On the whole Fia is a generally sweet, innocent, and diffident little girl. Moreover, according to her older brother, she’s also the most compassionate and merciful person you’ll ever meet.

She is played as a mainly silent character, choosing to use physical language such as pointing and nodding instead of traditional speech. Considering the nature of her childhood, her mousy, subdued behaviors are quite understandable, especially and specifically in unfamiliar social settings. She is shown to be extremely anxious in social situations, which often lead her to “shut down.” While it has been confirmed she can verbally communicate, she is somatically unable to speak around certain people or in certain settings. Her vocalizations are instead expressed in the form of noises reminiscent of bird calls. For all that, there are a select few who she feels comfortable verbally communicating with; namely her brother, the twins, Scanlan and Keyleth.

Despite her insecurities, Fiannim attempts to make sure that others have the things they need to feel safe, secure, and loved regardless of their alignment. Quite the opposite of her brother, she is well known for her warm and disarming presence. On several occasions throughout the campaign she’s seen putting the emotional contentment of others well before her own. Given the fact that she spent the better part of her childhood with few opportunities to interact with others, her inclination to approach both allies and adversaries alike, in a genuinely respectful manner is quite remarkable. Her non-discriminatory mindset and capacity for empathy has graciously equipped her with a demeanor that prompts friendship and trust from most of the individuals she meets, noticeably in the cases of Lady Allura and J’mon Sa Ord.

Art by @oliviajoytaylor

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peantbutter-honeycombs · 1 year

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I’ll Paint Your Picture, Darling Excerpt

Word count: ?

Characters: Fjord, Jester Lavorre(mentioned), Original Child Character

Warnings: No archive warnings apply.

Notes: Chapter from my archive story; I’ll Paint Your Picture, Darling

Written in collaboration with the incredibly kind @somethingwritey

———

“Alright, Little Bee,” Fjord said, looking down at Eysel who was walking dutifully by his side. “You have a very important task today, remember?”

Eysel nodded, her small hand tucked comfortably into his. She stared up at the large statesman’s house.

Today was a big day.

Fjord had a meeting with a statesman to discuss a possible business endeavor for Stone’s Throw Shipping. A deal like this one could really help get the company off the ground, and he couldn’t help being slightly nervous. He was rather out of practice as the “face of the party” now that the Nein weren’t traveling together as frequently.

He was also a little... apprehensive about bringing Eysel along. A small child wasn’t exactly his first choice as a business wingman, but Jester was visiting Marion, and it was Orly’s day off. They’d all agreed never to let Eysel stay alone with Kingsley (not again), which meant Fjord was double-teaming his responsibilities today.

Fatherhood and entrepreneur extraordinaire.

At least, that’s what Jester had said. He wasn’t so sure.

Still, he tried not to reveal his concerns to Eysel. Instead, he plopped his own hat on her head—chuckling as it nearly fell past her eyes. “You’re my first mate today,” he reminded her. “Think you can handle it?”

She nodded, peering up at him from under the hat. “Yes, I can. I promise.”

“Very good.”

As the two of them waited to be taken into the main house, Fjord occupied himself with pitching silently in his head. He went over the words over and again, hoping he wouldn’t forget them when the time came.

Stone’s Throw Shipping is a unique business endeavor that I believe could greatly benefit a noble —

“Fjord.” Eysel tugged on his leg. “There’s a cow.”

Blinking, Fjord turned to the rest of the yard, and yes, there was in fact a large cow nibbling its way through some shrubbery. “So, there is.”

“Can we go say hi?”

Fjord looked around, glancing at the main door for several seconds. He still didn’t hear any sort of footsteps, and the maid who’d told them to wait outside hadn’t been all that specific.

“Alright, just for a moment,” Fjord agreed, taking Eysel by the hand and leading her out into the yard. He was pretty sure cows didn’t gobble up small children. He’d be on his guard just in case.

The moment they approached the beast, they were immediately alerted to a commotion rounding the side of the house. A young elven boy—looking no older than twenty—raced towards them. His knees were dirty, and judging by the weed clippings he was clutching in one hand, Fjord assumed the boy must be the gardener.

“No, no,” the boy groaned, hands on his knees as he approached. “I just shaped those last week.”

The cow didn’t seem perturbed by the boy’s panicked state, continuing to munch happily on the plants.

Eysel immediately hid behind Fjord’s leg. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, and Fjord already knew exactly what she wanted.

He cleared his throat, and the boy only just seemed to notice the two of them standing there. He peered up and over the top of the cow, eyes getting wide.

“Can I help you?” he asked, adjusting his shirt and hat the best he could.

“My Eysel here has expressed interest in petting your magnificent beast,” Fjord said as diplomatically as he possibly could.

The boy came around the other side of the cow, wiping his hands on his pants and offering one out to Fjord to shake.

“Certainly,” the boy smiled. “Bourbon’s only flaw is that she loves to ruin my handiwork. Otherwise, she’s the friendliest thing you’ll ever meet. Come now. Just here on the side.”

He guided Eysel towards the cow—apparently called Bourbon—and demonstrated the proper way to pet her. Eysel’s curiosity gradually overtook her shyness, and she dragged Fjord forward to comply.

Eysel’s eyes lit up as she stroked the course, soft hair of the cow, and Fjord could’ve sworn he heard a contented growling noise coming from deep in her throat. She laughed a little, petting Bourbon with more confidence as the cow swung her head back to investigate the small girl.

“Thank you,” Fjord said to the boy with a gracious nod.

“Name’s Finric,” the boy said with a shrug. “My pleasure.”

All too soon, the front door to the main house opened, and Fjord was summoned inside. He collected Eysel and together, they trudged back up towards the porch.

“I think you should do business with Bourbon,” Eysel observed pointedly, glancing over her shoulder at Finric who was now wrestling the cow out of the shrubbery.

“Bourbon is a cow,” Fjord said.

“I like cows.” Eysel hummed a little tune as she skipped up the porch stairs.

The first part of their afternoon was a tour of the grand estate. The main house was lovely, but Eysel didn’t seem all that engaged.

Indeed, about twenty minutes into the tour, she was already quietly complaining of boredom. Desperate to keep her entertained, Fjord swung the little girl up onto his shoulders for one of her favorite games: pilots.

Instantly, she brightened, giggling as she pulled his ears and turned him in all sorts of directions.

The staff leading the tour gave him a rather odd look, but he merely smiled back and nodded, commenting on how the design was reminiscent of coastal houses in some of the most beautiful port cities he’d visited.

As they were coming to the end of the tour, Fjord tried to turn into the next hallway while following their guide, but Eysel had other plans. She twisted him in the other direction, and he played the part—flailing dramatically.

He could hear her laughing above him as his arms spun out, pretending to have been completely caught unawares. His fingers grazed the edge of a very fine porcelain vase displayed in the hall. It wobbled and would’ve likely toppled if not for his quick reflexes.

The staff instantly was at his side, examining the vase and glaring at Eysel.

“We’d prefer if you didn’t touch the expensive artifacts,” one of them said, a bit patronizing for Fjord’s liking. “Next time, please alert us that you’ll be bringing a child, so we can make the proper... precautions around the place.”

“My apologies.” Fjord carefully swung Eysel down off his shoulders, taking her by the hand. “Won’t happen again, and this sort of thing certainly doesn’t represent Stone’s Throw as a company.”

“It was an accident,” Eysel whispered to him.

“I know.” He gave her a reassuring nod. “Let’s just walk on our own two feet for now, okay?”

Lunch was served in the sitting room next. The owner of the estate was waiting for them, and Fjord introduced himself as they sat down.

This was it.

Business talks were about to commence.

“You brought a child?” The owner eyed Eysel as she sat down, a note of disdain mingling with the surprise in his voice. “We have napkins, if... she requires one.”

Eysel had somehow gotten a sticky goo all over her fingers, and she stuck them together with a smile. Fjord sighed. He’d taken his eyes off her for one second.

“She’s my charge for the afternoon,” he explained, handing Eysel a napkin.

As the food was brought out, Fjord gratefully accepted a serving. It was definitely gourmet, with fancy toppings and small portions that were reminiscent of what Marion served at the Chateau during her performances.

Unfortunately, Eysel had decided to let her Jester really shine through that afternoon. She picked at the food on her plate, moving it around with her hands or a fork until it was smeared in a rather unappetizing way.

The owner coughed a little, noticing Eysel’s behaviour.

Fjord could feel his face heating up, and he leaned over to the little girl. “Please stop playing with your food and eat it.”

“It’s yucky,” she complained.

“Just give it a try.”

Lunch proceeded rather awkwardly after that, and Fjord hoped it wouldn’t ruin the rest of the afternoon. He politely tried to broach several topics related to Stone’s Throw, ignoring the way Eysel was so clearly pouting beside him.

———

After what felt like an eternity, lunch concluded.

“Shall we continue the conversation in the other room?” the owner said, standing and gesturing for Fjord to follow him. And then he paused, glancing at Eysel who was inspecting a statue of a mermaid on a nearby table.

“Come, Eysel,” Fjord motioned, beckoning for her to join them.

The owner’s smile faltered, and he winced. “Might I suggest it be... grown-ups only? I fear a child might distract us from the more important matters at hand.”

Fjord sighed, kneeling down beside his little girl. He lifted the hat so he could see her face better. “Would it be alright if you played quietly in here?”

Her shoulders slumped. “Do I have to?”

“If you’re really good, we can get a treat on the way home.” He was begging now, and he knew that was definitely not the right method of parenting, but he really, really needed this meeting to go well.

After kissing the top of her forehead, Fjord joined the owner in the adjoining room.

———

All things considered, it was a bit smoother without having to worry about Eysel every couple of seconds. The conversation flowed smoothly without any interruptions, and Fjord hoped that boded well for the potential contract.

“That’s exactly why I believe Stone’s Throw Shipping is so important,” Fjord explained. “There’s just no other company with the same resources and commitment to excellence on the market right now.”

Throughout their talk, he tried to listen every now and again for Eysel in the other room, but all seemed to be going okay. There were no large crashes, no crying, and he made it almost an entire hour before he excused himself to check on the small girl.

The moment he poked his head into the other room, Fjord’s heart dropped. Eysel was nowhere to be seen, and his hat lay in the center of the room—abandoned.

“What happened?” Fjord asked the staff lingering at the other end of the room. “Where’d she go?”

One of them glanced around with a shrug, and the other one pointed to the door.

“She excused herself some time ago, sir,” they explained.

Fjord rubbed at his forehead, taking a deep breath. The grounds weren’t that large, but surely, someone should’ve come to get him when she’d wandered off.

“Fjord?” The statesman re-entered the room as well, looking irritated. “Are you intending to keep me waiting all afternoon?”

Picking up his hat, Fjord shook his head. “It’s Eysel. She vanished.”

“Children are prone to doing that.” There was no real empathy in the statesman’s voice. He glanced at his timepiece. “I would suggest next time not bringing a child to a business endeavor, yes? Certainly not one so poorly behaved. I fear her parents have not imparted proper manners.”

Fjord raised an eyebrow. “I’m her parent.”

The statesman glanced up, curious. “Is that so? Well, my statement still stands.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” Fjord said, dusting his hat off and placing it on his head. “I am going to go locate said ‘poorly-mannered’ child of mine. Good afternoon.”

He checked the halls of the house, and the front foyer. There was no sign of Eysel. Just as he was starting to grow slightly more concerned, he spotted a familiar figure in the lawn outside.

Eysel was playing with Bourbon the cow while Finric looked on. She was grass-stained and dirty, but seemed happier than he’d seen her all afternoon.

She saw him approaching and smiled. “You found me.”

“Why did you wander off?” he asked, relieved.

“First mate wasn’t that fun,” she shrugged, pulling up a few blades of grass. “I wanted to play something else. Can we pick flowers?”

Fjord glanced at Finric, who shrugged. “Just not too many,” he said. “The owners shouldn’t notice much.”

Gleefully, Eysel began to pick flowers—designating them for different people. She selected some for Jester, for Nona Marion, and even for Caduceus.

(“He loves flowers,” she explained to Fjord, quite seriously.)

Fjord gladly joined in, trying not to think about explaining to Jester and the crew why Stone’s Throw didn’t have a new business partner.

As if she could read his mind, Eysel glanced up at him. “Did you get what you wanted?”

He ruffled her hair with a sigh. “Not quite, Little Ember. But that’s alright. Shipping is a tough business these days. I’m just glad you’re happy.”

Finric’s face brightened. “Did I hear you’re in shipping?”

“I am,” Fjord shrugged, trying not to sound too dour about it. “If you know of anyone in need of a business deal, let me know.”

Finric stuck out his hand for the second time that day. “Let me re-introduce myself,” he laughed. “I own the estate next door. And I’d love to talk shipping with you.”

Fjord couldn’t help gaping at him a little. “So... you’re not a gardener, then?”

“Oh, just part-time,” the boy shrugged. “Bourbon here ruined a patch of prized flowers. The statesman wasn't too pleased, but let me off with some labor instead of pressing any charges.”

It took Finric and Fjord the better part of the next two hours to verbally work out a contract, with Fjord agreeing to send signed materials over to Finric’s estate within the week. Finric told him about his family’s fortune in enchanted flora and herbs, and how partnering with a shipping company would greatly expand their influence.

“I have to say,” Finric said as he and Fjord finished up, watching Eysel say her goodbyes to Bourbon. “I applaud your business for getting its priorities right. My family wouldn’t be where we are today if we hadn’t put each other first.”

Fjord smiled at Eysel, who turned and waved at him. “I can understand that, I think.”

———

On the way home, Eysel asked to finish the shoulder ride that had been cut short on the morning tour. As she perched high above the world, Fjord could feel her delicate touch weaving flowers into his hair, but he didn’t complain—not even once.

“I wasn’t really all that good,” Eysel sighed. “No treat, right?”

“Not true,” Fjord squeezed her leg. “You were the best first mate I could’ve asked for.” And then he paused, panicking. “Just promise you won’t tell Beau, okay?”

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