pancakey-haley - Tumblr blog

pancakey-haley · 3 months

Text

I feel honoured 🥹 how cool!!!!

Give Me That Seers and Roebuccaneer Aesthetic, If You Please

So you thought you saw the last of this AU setting? Think again!

4736 words; based off of this drawing by @pancakey-haley, which is one of the funniest things I’ve seen recently; takes place in the same continuity as Double-Date from Hell and Dr. Hart-Steeler, so a pseudo-Midwestern American modern AU where there’s no powers but somehow Brook is still a skeleton and Chopper’s a reindeer and other setting-dependent things; shorter than the other two installments but I feel it still is worth a gander

The thing about Tuesday-Thursday classes was at least neither of those days were Monday, Usopp thought thankfully as he trudged into his commercial photography class. Yeah, it was still nine in the morning, but it was Tuesday, and he’d take trudging into class clutching the largest, strongest coffee he could manage then in lieu of doing literally anything before noon on a Monday. He went to his copy of the assignment handout and almost spit out said coffee. [Modern AU where Usopp has an awkward class assignment, the Hearts know things they rather wouldn't, Bepo's cousin is just as precious as he is, and the throwback vibes are strong as everyone comes together to make things a little less shitty. Kinda. Try explaining that to Law.]

“Oh, there you are Sopp-bro!” Usopp blinked heavily and saw Carrot cheerily waving at him from across the room where they both normally sat. “How are you doing this morning?!”

“Same as ever,” he groaned as he sat down. He thought he’d gotten used to chipper highschoolers in college classes that were technically way too advanced for their age with Chopper, but after having met Bepo’s cousin Carrot… well… he wouldn’t trade her cheer for anything but it still tested him. “Do you have the week’s lesson?”

“Yeah, but it’s gonna be a weird one,” she frowned. She took one of the handouts on her desk and passed it to him. “What’s a Seers store?”

He tilted his head, still a bit too tired to fully process why the little voice in the back of his brain was panicking. “It’s a… well, it was a department store. A fancier one that didn’t sell groceries but almost everything else. You know, kinda like in the Christmas movies.”

“Oh yeah! With a whole floor for toys and a cafe and those things that go chok-chunk?”

Things that go chok-chunk…? Ah, a credit card imprinter. Shit, he was too young to know that, technically-speaking.

“Yup. It was a big thing for a long time. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it considering how important the catalogue was in history class times.” He then went to his copy of the assignment handout and almost spit out his coffee.

Oh fuck no.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

No one at 1000 Sunny Rd was really prepared for Usopp to come home from classes in such a panic. Actually, when they thought about it, it was rather normal for him to come home from class all wound up in a panic, but Tuesday-Thursdays were usually pretty chill, which made today all the more interesting.

“This is bad, you guys!” he shouted the moment he came in through the front door. He barrelled his way into the open-concept living room/kitchen area, where most everyone was already gathered. The only one of the main crew who wasn’t there was Chopper since he had his own classes, and Law was there but only really as a seat for Nami as he napped upright on the couch with his arms around her waist and head resting against her shoulder.

“What’s bad?” Franky wondered. He paused the video game, which caused Luffy and Zoro to both scowl. “It’s super-unlike you to be this panicked mid-week.”

“It’s my stupid photography class,” he whined. “I’ve got to do formal studio portraits!”

“…like school ID pictures?” Zoro grunted.

“No, like Seers portraits and shit,” Usopp sniped. “I gotta do a family portrait and my instructor wants me to do my family.”

“Oooh!” Luffy gasped, sliding off the couch. “Are you gonna take our pictures?!”

“She wants me to take a portrait of me and…” Usopp shuddered, “my dad.”

“…but your dad’s on a shipping freighter in the middle of a fucking giant-ass lake,” Sanji commented from the kitchen. He put a mug of coffee on the island and Usopp took it, hoping the caffeine would help paradoxically calm him. “Did you explain to the lady that your dad works on a fucking freighter and can’t just pop on over?”

“Even if he could… I don’t know…” Usopp looked at his friends and finally noticed Law. “It’s four in the afternoon—why’s the old man napping?”

“Old Man has graveyard shift in the ER this week,” Nami replied. Usopp stared deadpan at her while Law let out a small snore. “Hey, don’t be jealous because I technically never have to work as long as he’s around.”

“Yohoho… I remember when I worked at a Seers and Roebuccaneer, making money by playing music in the appliances and tools because they were too cheap to replace the radio system in the entire building,” Brook mused. He then looked at Usopp curiously. “How many of your esteemed classmates remember Seers?”

“They don’t even remember H-Mart—how many do you think.” Usopp took a long drink of his coffee—yeah, that was the good shit.

“Oh, that’s s bummer,” Franky nodded in commiseration. “Kokoro still thinks it exists and refers to it as Hocker’s.”

“Professor Clover always called it Hocker’s before he passed,” Robin mused idly. She didn’t even look up from her book. “I didn’t realize they were the same store until I was six.”

“Yeah, and how is this going to help the fact that I probably won’t see my dad again in-person for another eight months and in nine days I’ve got a project due with him in it?” Usopp scowled.

“Muniscius comfiance,” Luffy said with all the confidence of an eight-year-old armed with their first dictionary. Everyone stared at him until Zoro grunted in irritation.

“You heard Luff—we’re gonna malicious compliance the bitch,” he translated. “Do you just have to do one of you and your old man?”

“I have to do at least two and one of them has to be that.”

“Alright; get the asshole up on a video call, take a picture of you and your phone, and then we’ll give her, like, fifteen others that’s just us dicking around. That’ll teach her to not give you accommodation.”

“Do you realize how much fucking extra work that’s gonna be, grass-head?” Sanji chided. “He’s trying to get out of work, not make more of it.”

“No, no, he has a point,” Jinbe replied. “We’re all supposed to be here on Saturday and we can have some fun with it. Seers portraits hold a certain nostalgia factor, after all, and if you ever need the skills in the future then this would be the time to practice them with such a large group of people.”

“Yeah!” Luffy beamed. “Plus, since we’re helping, you can say you managed us like you’re the head camera guy! That’s extra credit, right?”

“I don’t know if I even can get extra credit in this class…”

“Oh, I’m sure you can!” Luffy’s eyes then went wide. “That’s right! Carrot’s in your class! She can come over too! And her cousin and the rest of Torao’s friends! It can be a big party!”

“Luffy, I—!”

“Portrait party!” Luffy cheered, signaling Usopp’s doom. “Ooooh, Sanji?! Can you…?!”

“I’m on it, Boss,” the blond smirked. “I’ll have a menu by the end of the night.”

“Guys, it’s just a project—I was planning on submitting a complaint to the department…”

“Nah,” Luffy scoffed, waving it off. “A party’s always better, don’t’cha think?”

No… he really didn’t.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“I can’t believe they did this to me,” Usopp groaned. He was laying on his bed at 1000 Sunny Rd, his phone cradled in his hands as he grimaced at the screen. On the other side of the video call was Kaya, who was similarly situated in her dorm room across the state. “They know this is going to be a rough assignment to begin with.”

“It’s not their fault,” she reminded him. “They just want to help.”

“Yeah, and now it’s going to involve nacho dip and Sanji’s special tzaziki sauce.” He propped up his phone with the help of a pillow and a plush chameleon so that he could almost pretend they were in the same bed. “It’s a shame you’ve got a tournament this weekend or I’d say you should come over and keep me sane.”

“We’re only hosting the high school tournament, nothing else,” she reminded him. “I might be able to take off if Merry will let me.”

“Merry will, but I don’t know if your supervisor agrees.”

“It’s Quizbowl, not the end of the world.”

“You’d be surprised.” Usopp tried not to frown as he thought of Kaya’s family-friend-turned-undergrad-advisor, a sour man who seemed to love every opportunity to cockblock them at every turn. As though there was any cock being had to block! One look at him should have screamed that her innocence was safer with him than with others (coughNamicough), so what really was the problem?!

Okay, he knew the problems—plural—but he wasn’t about to unpack all that at the moment.

“What if you took your portrait with me?” she wondered. Her phone dropped to look at the ceiling as she shuffled around for a way to prop up the device on her end, missing her boyfriend’s deep blush. “I mean, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m going to school out here…”

“Don’t say that!” Usopp panicked. “We’re not that kind of together!”

“I know,” she smiled, “but it’s just… you are my boyfriend, and lots of couples don’t move it past that even if they are always together.”

“You do have a point…” He felt the blush further darken his complexion as he considered submitting one of his family portraits as just him and his girlfriend. Sure, they were talking about long-term-levels of seriousness, but a portrait of the two of them…? In a style common in family photos? He wasn’t entirely sure his heart (or his ever-suffering libido) would survive. “Maybe when you’re back this way for the summer we can do something like that and see if we can replicate the look with the ring lights.”

“That’d be fun,” she smiled. Kaya settled in under her blankets while hugging a stuffed sheep. “You have to tell me how everyone’s doing. Is Luffy still getting into trouble?”

“We don’t get into trouble with Captain Usopp around,” he bragged. Which… it was at least partly true. They weren’t getting into trouble. Not a lot, anyhow. For the moment. She giggled softly and allowed him to continue, the young man weaving exaggerations into his stories as they continued to talk each other to sleep.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Saturday at 1000 Sunny Rd was shaping up to be an interesting one.

First off, Carrot had stayed the night over so that she could be there bright and early, making it so that there was another kid Chopper’s age that he could conspire with when it came to goading Luffy into antics. It was only eight in the morning and they were already at it, with them jumping around the house in their pajamas. Then, on top of that, the Polar Tang had shown up at some point overnight, complete with Law’s trio of weird friends/coworkers/flunkies/platonic boyfriends/hype squad who were already making use of the pool while Law himself was nowhere to be found. Usopp had barely gotten the question out of his mouth when he heard Nami’s orgasm scream, at which he shuddered.

She was such a fucking traitor, getting action so conspicuously while he was left to dry. What ever happened to bestie solidarity?

“It’s been a rough week at work,” Bepo offered. He was sitting on the edge of the in-ground pool, kicking his feet in the water as he sipped a drink he’d procured from Sanji. “It was like an itch right under his skin since, I dunno, Wednesday.”

“That’s all well and fine but he needs to remember to shut the window,” Usopp sighed. He tried to block out the indecent and ridiculous noises coming from the offending couple and felt the need to be sick. “You guys have any suggestions about how to get back at them?”

“Eh, we can prank ‘em, but pranking Nami is like signing your own death warrant,” Penguin commented from the safety of a pool floatie.

“Oh, come on, I’ve pranked her a thousand times and I’m still alive!” Usopp scoffed. Law’s friends all stared at him, deadpan. “Okay, okay, okay… so maybe more like a handful of times… and I’m lucky to be alive be this point. Then how about Law?”

“Pranking him is hella difficult,” Shachi scoffed. “Dude’s almost always on his toes.”

“Had to be,” Penguin added. “Not gonna get into it, but he didn’t exactly have the most fun childhood.”

“I think you’d be more pressed to find someone here who did have a decent time as a kid,” Usopp replied, rolling his eyes. “Got anything I can work with?”

“Given how long he’s gone without despite a need, I’d say he’s got tw—” Bepo was interrupted by what sounded suspiciously like a strangled sob. “—one more round in him before he gets six and a half solid hours of sleep. Eight is if we’re lucky.”

“Do I even want to know how you know this?”

“Scientific method,” all three pool-goers said in unison. Usopp smacked his forehead and took a deep breath…

…wait a moment…

“Wait, you know I’m going to be roping people into my commercial photography assignment later, right?” Usopp posed. The others simply stared at him. “The assignment calls for imitating the style of a Seers portrait and I was thinking…”

“Oh, fuck, we’re in,” Shachi grinned. He scrambled to get out of the pool and towards his towel, drying off unevenly. “I’ve got just the thing!”

“This is news to me,” Penguin stated. “What the fuck do you have that’s got you like that?”

“All the work shit that’s still in the trunk!”

“Work shit…?” Usopp did not like the sound of that. “What sort of medical torture devices you got in there?”

“Not torture devices,” Shachi insisted. “More like there was this thing at work last week where we wore goofy outfits and took turns playing around in Pedes.” Another verbal confirmation of Nami getting fucked out of her mind cut him off and he grimaced.

“Well, most of us did,” Penguin said, taking over. “Grumpass didn’t, but that’s also, like, the only department he normally steers clear of; most do if they can help it.” He then looked from Usopp to Shachi and back, noting

All of Usopp’s synapses began to fire at once and he began to grin just as manically as Shachi (or Luffy during a particularly tasty meal). A costume cache? Oh, he was fucking in.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Admittedly, Usopp was having a lot of fun with his assignment when he stopped to think about it. He and Carrot were able to set up their impromptu portrait studio in the office area, having pooled their equipment checkout resources and were able to snag enough studio lights and varying accessories to actually function like they were supposed to instead of trying to cobble together some bastardized system using cheap ring lights and Franky’s cell phone (which had genuinely gotten him an A, but never again). They even got some neat gels and a couple softboxes, which they were sure some of the film majors were going to murder them over. Was it worth it? Always.

“So… we’re basically doing a photo booth, but with a Seers portrait vibe,” Nami said as she went through the box of clothes. Usopp did not understand how she was awake and functioning while her manfriend was still dead to the world in her bed, but he figured it was best to not think about it.

“All in the name of malicious compliance,” he replied. “I’ve already got the one with my mom’s wake portrait and the selfie of my dad up on my phone, so…”

“Please tell me it’s the slutty one that Shanks sent you as a joke.”

“His dating profile pic? It’s not like you’re dealing with a fucking amateur, Nami.” He folded his arms across his chest and pouted as he attempted to stand his ground. “Otherwise everyone else is a-go.”

“Is that why the goobers are running around crazier than usual?”

“Define ‘goobers’ in this situation.”

“The ones who kicked me out of my bedroom to ‘get Law ready for his closeup’?”

“Okay, for one, a portrait is not necessarily a closeup, but for two…” Usopp was about to continue when he saw Bepo shuffle into the room, the bear looking nervous as he clutched a vintage coin book in his paws. “Ready?”

“We’ve got ten minutes to get this going before he wakes up,” Penguin said from behind Bepo. The bear moved aside and showed Penguin in nice slacks and a polo shirt—was the penguin on his hat holding a cocktail—helping Shachi, who had found a pair of denim overalls with a duckling on the front to put with his normal sweater—where did he get the propeller for his hat—the pair pulling along a half-asleep Law, perfectly dressed for the occasion.

Usopp swallowed hard; he was going to die.

Quickly, he got the shots he needed of Law, Penguin, and Shachi before allowing the latter to cart the former off before the perfectly weary and pliable sleepiness wore off, Nami snapping a couple pics on her phone as extra insurance before vanishing herself. Bepo then went and got Carrot, the cousins posing for a few different shots before Luffy could not longer be contained and burst his way into the makeshift studio, demanding to be included in the proceedings.

Eventually, it was getting towards the end of the afternoon and both students were beginning to feel the strain of using their newfound skills continually for the entire day. Not only was it remembering f-stops and checking light meters and making sure they didn’t accidentally hit the settings reset button, but also wrangling… oh, the wrangling that they had to do. It honestly was insane. Not only did they have to attempt to control Luffy, but the entire rest of the house as well as they came in and out of the office area, dressed in both costumes and whatever their nicest (or tackiest) clothes on-hand were. It felt as though everyone else at 1000 Sunny Rd was deliberately making it rough for them when it came to actually getting things done.

“You people are going to be the death of me,” Usopp groaned as he melted onto one of the barstools by the kitchen island. A mug of coffee was placed in front of him, and a can of pop in front of Carrot as she joined them, the younger one decidedly more lively.

“I think it’s a lot of fun,” she replied. “We only have a few more to go; using the costumes were a great idea.”

“Speaking of which, I’ve noticed there’s a distinct lack of those weirdos,” he noted. Usopp glanced around—nothing. Sanji scoffed from the other side of the kitchen as he peeled potatoes.

“Nami-swan sent them on an errand, so they took the Tang and bolted ages ago,” he said.

“It’s bad enough she sends the rest of us to do her dirty work, but that’s ridiculous,” Usopp frowned.

“They know better than to invoke Nami-swan’s lovely wrath,” Sanji swooned.

“Is ‘lovely’ the correct word for it, though?” Carrot wondered.

“The simp’s a lost cause,” Usopp deadpanned. Sanji did not hear them, as he was too busy fantasizing to be of much use conversation-wise. “You’d think he would have stopped once Nami started fucking another man, yet here we are.”

“I didn’t know simping could be… uh… platonic…?”

A beat.

“Carrot, nothing about Sanji and women is platonic.”

The younger teen shrugged and grabbed a plate so she could pile on a bunch of the tiny treats that Sanji was still cooking for everyone, making sure to get enough for both her and Usopp, who they both already knew would be denied extras until later. They brought their drinks and the plate back to the office area and began to eat in relative peace and safety, keeping to themselves until they heard the crunch of driveway pebbles under car tires, signaling that whatever errand Nami had Penguin and Shachi on, they had returned from it.

“Good,” Usopp grunted through a mini spanikopita. “Now maybe I can get a real shot of those morons before Law leaves for work.”

“Possibly…? Let’s go see if they need any help!”

“You can; I’ll just stay here and prep for the next group.”

Carrot pouted for a moment before leaving the office area, letting Usopp fiddle with the light stands. He was able to rearrange the setup for a smaller group when he heard a soft knock at the door.

“Master Photographer Usopp is almost ready!” he replied. The door creaked open and he frowned. “Hey, I said I was almost—!”

The words died in his throat as he was shocked to see Kaya standing there, looking at the studio setup as though it was the most technical-looking thing she’d ever seen. She turned back to him just in time to see as he wrapped her in a hug.

“Oh! Usopp!”

“How did you get here?!” he wondered. She pressed a kiss to his lips and giggled.

“Mr. Penguin and Mr. Shachi came to get me,” she admitted. “It was a little weird, and I had to convince my sorority it wasn’t a kidnapping…”

“No… no… I don’t want to know,” Usopp decided. He looked at Kaya and all the stress that had been built up that day seemed to melt away. His mom had always told him that love could break the hold that hardships had on people and make much easier to bear, and it was times like this where he truly believed that. “I’m just glad they didn’t send Sanji as one of the conspirators this time.”

“He meant well.”

“That’s giving him a few too many benefits of the doubt.” It was then that he saw Carrot come in, carrying what looked to be Kaya’s backpack. “Isn’t that right? Letting Sanji loose on a sorority is just asking for trouble.”

“Is that why he went to culinary school and not a regular four-year university like us?” the teen wondered.

“One reason of many.” Usopp froze as Kaya took her backpack and brought out two framed photos—her parents. “Uh… Kaya…?”

“We’re not going to be able to see if the ring lights work as a substitute if we don’t have the real thing to compare it with,” she reasoned.

Okay, so maybe the chaos was worth it after all.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

That night was one of the best party nights Usopp had experienced in a while. It wasn’t the good food (Sanji outdid himself, again) or the friend-based antics (which were always a good time), but it was the fact that he went to bed that night with Kaya, the pair snuggled up together in his bed for the first time in months to combat the night chill with their shared body heat.

Okay, so what if they were fully clothed? And that there was a bedsheet separating them? And there were no bedroom activities other than sleeping going on? They all couldn’t be Nami; be realistic.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Law was honestly nursing one of the worst headaches he’d ever suffered through. It wasn’t quite a migraine—he was not nearly nauseous or light-sensitive enough for that—but it was still making him regret having gone on midnights last-minute the week prior despite the fact he was currently on days. He clutched his coffee cup a little closer—there was something to be said about the hot bean juice that made the world marginally tolerable.

After checking in on a patient he was due to operate on the following day, Law decided to make his way to the nurses’ station to follow up with Bepo. It was there that he saw that his best friend was sitting there with his cousin, the teen happily chatting away as she showed him a bunch of photos from a large manila envelope.

“Is this a personal or business visit?” Law asked as he approached the desk. Carrot caught sight of him and her grin only widened.

“Oh, there you are, Law-bro!” she said merrily. “I was just showing off the prints of the project Sopp-bro and I did last weekend! Do you want to take a look?”

“Sure.” Law sat his coffee down and began to casually flip through the photos. Seas, they looked like the kind of portraits that Cora-san had of him and his parents and brother from back when he was a kid. Everyone was in their silliest… with exceptions, of course. He looked up from the shot of him and Nami, the two of them dressed in high-waisted jeans and frumpy sweaters, to see that Carrot and Bepo were both looking at him expectantly. “Did you get the grades back?”

“Not only did we pass, but we also got extra credit!” Carrot grinned. “Sopp-bro’s also turned in a formal complaint to the department head that’s probably going to escalate.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear.” Law then narrowed his eyes at a package that was sitting on Bepo’s desk, wrapped in brown paper and looking very suspicious. “What’s that?”

“Oh, that’s for Peng-bro and Sach-bro,” Carrot explained. “They paid special for that one.”

“Did they now?” Law didn’t like how the cousins exchanged a wary glance—when they were up to no good, it was genuinely no good. “Now why would they pay special for a school project you and Nose-ya did?”

“A frame and use of the special printer.” Law looked over his shoulder to see Shachi pushing his mobile station to its dock and plugging it in. “Kiddos went and made up a nice family portrait of us.”

“I think you mixed up ‘nice’ with ‘tacky’ again,” Law deadpanned. Shachi waited until Penguin caught up before taking the package from Carrot. “Besides, you sound like Strawhat-ya by saying ‘family’ like that.”

“We’re four of the weirdest brothers and you know it,” Penguin huffed. He looked over Shachi’s shoulder as the other man unwrapped the photo frame, both men’s faces lighting up at the contents. “Oh, Carrot, if you weren’t way too young for me I’d kiss you.”

“It’s all Sopp-bro,” the teen blushed. “It actually was used as one of the examples in class! The professor was very impressed with the composition and technique!”

“Let me see,” Law said. He took the frame from Shachi’s hand and went pale while his friends all started to giggle.

There, in his hand, was a portrait of him with the techs, an enlarged and faded-in insert image of the charge nurse in the upper right-hand corner.

“…did you shits deepfake me…?”

“No, that was all you,” Carrot supplied. “The professor really enjoyed your expression! Said it was exactly the kind of variation the portrait batch needed!”

“When the fuck did you take this?!” Law grimaced, absolutely aghast.

“You were still half-asleep and in the post-nut haze, so we took advantage of it while we could,” Penguin said. Law instead grit his teeth.

“So you took that as permission to put me in a frumpy dress, bonnet, and plastic pearls?”

“Don’t forget the coin collection,” Shachi reminded him. “I bet that was a nice touch.”

“We were the only two students that had portraits with props, so it really was!” Carrot seemed absolutely oblivious to the ire that was building in the surgeon. “He did a really good job on the compositing as well, which made it so Bep-bro’s fur wasn’t too clipped!”

“…and you people thought this was a good idea, how?!”

“It’s just a bit of fun,” Shachi said, taking back the photo frame. “Besides, it’s our family portrait, like I said. Plus it helped some of the Sunny gang.”

“You guys are dead,” Law hissed, the last word through grit teeth. Shachi and Penguin both turned on their heels and bolted, with the surgeon not too far behind after depositing the portrait back in Carrot’s hands. She and Bepo looked at one another for a moment before bursting into giggles, because they knew something Law didn’t:

Hiding underneath the goofy portrait was three others; one was everyone who was there at 1000 Sunny Rd. that day, another of the four friends in less-goofy getups, and one of just Law and Nami—one of the most normal photos taken the entire day. Not only did they have them sitting there layered in the frame, but copies had been set aside for Cora-san and Bell-mère as well.

Ah… what he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him.

12 notes · View notes