How do you know?

We can talk about anything We can laugh about everything But how do you know it's right? He listens to me even when I am speaking nonsense He cares for me more than I can match right now Is it wrong that everytime we get closer my inner voice screams and runs into hidding? Is it wrong that I am so scared to let him truly in because the fear of the pain he might cause is always around me? I feel like I am standing on a cliff looking at what if and all I can do is watch I feel like I might miss this part

You touched me like I was nothing but a body, a way for you so satisfy your sexual urge. It felt emotionless and like a transaction. Sometimes I wonder if you will hurt me the way you hurt the girls before me. That you will make me feel we live in a fantasy only to tell me the truth when you get bored with me. When you drink you say things that make me wonder how you really feel about my color, and my strength as a woman. Are you pretending? Are you waiting for the moment this dumb black girls falls for you? There are days I feel like the world can fuck off and there are days I know I should be a realist. Is it so wrong for me to want to be loved? I am scared of what you could do to me. Because at this point gosh you could do damage.

Alone

In a world full of people I feel alone. In a room full of people I sometimes space out and find myself alone. In the room with many but in the company of none. Days like today I don't know what to focus on to make myself feel better and get out of the fog. I try to focus on the positives in my life and the negative thoughts rush through the door. I feel like somedays I am too emotional, not emotional enought, too indepenent, too needy. Too cool, too warm. I feel like the ability to balance myself is non existant and the people around me get frustrated with it. I wonder if these kind of emotions will ever go away or if this is here to stay. Maybe I can just keep them at bay, maybe for a day or until they take me away. I don't know what to say other than hey! I am okay. What else could I say? I feel a void of emotions as big as the ocean. With depths that are more like the universe. Infinite and undiscovered. Alone and unbothered. The hole keeps growing as I try to keep learning how to fill the void.