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overdoseperkyfever · 3 years
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Let's take a walk inside my mind
In there are some demons living rent free
The streets got no light everything's darkened
Near the seashore are some memories buried under a tree.
The walls of my brain have some rough scratches
From when I was caged in the prison of my own thoughts
Blood weeping fingertips, Gathering the pieces that fell apart
It's hard to enter the bright side when the other side calls
The car radio spurts "The day is sunny".
I wonder why do I see darkness
But the darkness accepts me with all my sins
The same darkness I was afraid of
Now feels so harmless
You were like the moon, glowing for the ones living in the dark
You complete my soul like the moon completes the empty sky
The same moon that witnesses me sin every night
Says even he has a darkside he hides from the human eye
I was yours and you were never mine
How long should I suffocate between the walls of consequence and ecstasy ?
The sensation of euphoria when our souls merged on the couch
Now lies there a broken bottle of Hennessy
Hold my hand, help me slay my demons
Declare me the victor of the war with myself
And the battle with addiction which is wrecking my soul
I need you around
because I'm too weak to fight with myself all alone
Are you disturbed by the warzone in my head?
Or are you war worn
Is this sad to read?
Maybe not
Maybe you're numb to this
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overdoseperkyfever · 3 years
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Here I go again
Overwhelmed with the darkness in my brain
In the darkness of my mind you being the flame
Writing the darkness with the gloom ink of my pen
Gave you my heart thinking you'd borrow
Now I walk around with my chest hollow
Back to my sorrows
Suffering through the night I pray for tomorrow
In the depths of my arms I clench you tighter
Beneath the sheets I hear an evil laughter
Feeling a knife thrust my chest deeper
Blood gushing out, you come closer
I look into your eyes and see the fallen angel with a dagger
Knowing it's a dream I try to wake up
I try hard but it feels like I'm stuck
My screams stuck by my breath
I pray that I wake up
I feel a touch on my back and my eyes open up
Drenched in sweat, ragged breath
Fear trembling my body I light a cigarette
I wonder if it's you on the other side of the bed
But it's just my demon
The silence of the night overcomed by the voices in my head
In a world full of games they choose Russian roulette
With the sweaty fingers I press the trigger
thinking if its is the end
I skip a beat in my chest
The voices scream that I failed
And yet again I escape death.
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overdoseperkyfever · 3 years
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Addiction
Addiction is serious. Addiction causes serious problems to you as well as the people in your life. It destroyes your life as well as it destroys the mental state of the people close to you like your girlfriend, your parents, your children etc. I started using substances from a very young age. I was 15 when I smoked my first joint. Then within 3 years I became an addict. I've almost done all kinds the organic, medical, chemical, psychedelics. Mostly I've used cannabis, psychedelics and MDMA. It started when I found out my friend used to smoke weed, he was quite older than me. I thought it was cool and wanted to try it and the "FRIEND" thought I was a source of money for the stash. He brought my the stash and we smoked a joint. Later I used it to overcome my depression. Few months after I thought I wasnt getting high enough so I tried meds which was the worst decision of my life. At 15 I was into drugs. I met knew people in this field of drugs. All of them older than me. I noticed most of them were either criminals or had no job. But to be honest I learnt alot from them. They used pills before doing any crime cuz they were like it makes your heart cold. One day a friend of mine committed a serious crime and was charged with attempt to murder. Few hours before we were together smoking up and he wanted me to join him I had no idea he was gonna do that. But luckily I had some work so couldn't company with him. That day I learnt meds really fuck you up and I was not myself that year. I've been going through depression and had anxiety I mean I still and I used meds which made it worse and i decided I'd never touch meds due to some reasons apart from these. Then I got into psychedelics and MDMA. I still remember the first day I did my first LSD the hallucinations and stuff. But eventually my parents found out. The main reason I was doing drugs was I couldn't handle my depression and anxiety. My parents dont really believe in therapy. There were so many things going on in my life I couldn't handle it and everytime I tried quitting it triggered my suicidal thoughts and i lost the reason to live. But it's been 2 months or more since I've touched any substance even a joint. I wont lie it wasnt easy. For a week I was just rolling on my bed with aches, hitting my head against the wall, vomiting. And I've built my mind. I could say I did this without going to a rehab or therapy. I found my peace with God and I love it. The people who are reading it (I dont think anyone would be reading this cuz this is my first blog and I just installed tumblr dont even know how it works) but if you're going through any kind of depression just trust me drugs are not the answer. It is cool and awesome in the starting but it gets worst when you start depending on it. It cant solve anything but will make it worse. And to the ones wo are still battling addiction I hope you recover and I hope you get help. God Is with you.
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