Tumgik
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
ā€œYou donā€™t pass or fail at being a person, dear.ā€
ā€” Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
1K notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
I done it!
I left him!
My life is so much better!
Iā€™m so much happier!
So much more confident!
Time to be me again! šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°
5 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Drowning!
Iā€™ve never felt so torn before! Iā€™m so miserable but yet Iā€™m more scared of making someone else miserable!
Itā€™s like all the bad moments in the past are just flooding over me all at once and Iā€™m drowning
3 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
2K notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
399 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
If I can survive pepper pig at 5:30 am then bitch I can handle anything šŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø
Youā€™ll probably find me rocking in the corner later šŸ˜… probably from too Mach caffeine to keep up with the day šŸ˜…
1 note Ā· View note
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
To infinity and beyond!
Things are finally looking up!
After a month of no work due to childcare issues I finally got a new job!
Best bit is I got it because my son literally went full on meltdown whilst on video call interview (fuck corona) yet managed to keep me cool the whole time! (Fuck knows how?!)
Literally feel on top of the world again!
I can provide for my family!
I can save up to move!
And it proved Iā€™m a boss ass parent even when I think Iā€™m failing horrendously!
I never thought Iā€™d be able to rock being a working mum with a toddler again but here we are bossing it all the way!
0 notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
youtube
What hurts the most is Iā€™m afraid of myself šŸ‘ŠšŸ»
1 note Ā· View note
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
For the first time in my life I feel fucking good!
Itā€™s probably just the alcohol and smoke thatā€™s causing it but fuck me imma enjoy it whilst it last
20 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
can we ?šŸ§øšŸ¼
1K notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
For the first time!
For the first time in months
I have my music back on loud.
I have motivation to clean instead of forcing myself too!
I am actually have a drink for the first time in years! šŸ˜šŸ„°
I know it will probably be bad again soon and Iā€™ll be struggling but for now imma just enjoy it!
For now imma just let my hair down and dance like a fool around my front room šŸ„°
3 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
How?! Why?!
How is it possible to want to die so much yet still worry so much about what others will think once your gone?!
I know if I was to do it Iā€™d get the ones saying they loved me when they hate me.
Iā€™ll get people saying but she was a mum how could she?!
Iā€™ll get the ones saying how they never saw it coming yet itā€™s written all over my face.
Why just why do I care so much?!
2 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Some people only care when the triggers already pulled.
My partners one of them.
Been sat on the bathroom floor sobbing for an hour now. Canā€™t even bring myself to bare my own weight.
Which may I add fells so much heavier right now as if the world is crushing down on me.
I literally screamed and ran upstairs sobbing. My partner done nothing.
Truth is I donā€™t know what I want him to have done anyway?! No one can take this debilitating feeling of just wanting to die away.
I go to bed every night and I pray to a god who I donā€™t even know exists. But I pray none the less for my life to end.
Every
Single
Night.
But I still seem to wake up.
Some say if you hate it that much why donā€™t you just end it?!
I wish I could but I couldnā€™t bare my son thinking I killed myself because of him. Because it is never because of him! And I know heā€™d blame himself all kids do.
In fact heā€™s the only one in this entire world who keeps me going. The thought of leaving him is just as bad as the thought of staying alive so itā€™s a catch 22.
I know I need to change my life to make everything better again like leave my partner and do more with my son.
But right now whilst Iā€™m literally sat on my bathroom floor unable to move I just canā€™t find the motivation to do any of it. Truth is I know if I was to go down and leave my partner (would be 100th time already he always says heā€™ll go and never does) hed just say ok Iā€™ll save and never does! Or heā€™d blame it on my being so depressed ignoring the fact that Iā€™m so depressed because Iā€™m living a life i hate.
But I will keep holding on. I know that I wonā€™t take my own life as much as the thoughts go through my head every minute of every day. I wonā€™t do it.
I have a son to try harder for. I have a son to keep fighting for because without him Iā€™m nothing.
I got this. For now.
1 note Ā· View note
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Well this just put a whole new outlook on my life!
Never gunna unthink this now!
Tumblr media
this post hasn't left my mind since i've first saw it
149K notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
What to do?...
So I knew things where getting bad. I didnā€™t realise how bad though.
Today I realised. I no longer look forward to watching tv when my sons in bed, no longer excited for animal crossing. Whatā€™s the point in cleaning again?. And god help hours of mindless scrolling through ticktok just to pass the time.
At what point did I lose myself this bad?
At what point did I lose interest in so much of what I love?
I fight everyday to smile yet only a smirk comes out.
One day Iā€™ll be me again.
One day.
6 notes Ā· View notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Sometimes the real strength is by giving in to what you need.
Iā€™ve been off my anti-depressants for over 2 years now. And Iā€™ve probably been depressed the majority of that time but refused to admit it till now.
I finally got hold of my dr and the anti depressants are back on repeat.
I came off them because my partner believes ā€œitā€™s al in your headā€ which is true. It is in my head. But itā€™s a chemical in balance in my head not just my mind being a knob.
For ages I believed I could do better with out them. Lately Iā€™ve realised I need them again. Even if only for a short while till I get back on track with life I need the chemicals back.
My partner walked in on my ringing drs asking for them back and crying. He said nothing. He just took my son for a bath.
In his way itā€™s him helping heā€™s letting me have a break which is great.
However I donā€™t want the break I want someone to hug me and say look itā€™s going to be ok youā€™ve been through worse and Iā€™ll help you through this.
I never get that though. My partner canā€™t use emotions or emotional support. Heā€™s just not equipt for it I guess.
On the plus side my son gave me the biggest cuddle and 2 sloppy kisses (heā€™s only 18 months) to cheer me up even after I had shouted at him which I feel horrendous for!
Thereā€™s hope yet that my son will grow up caring and loving and unafraid of emotions.
The world needs more men who arenā€™t afraid of emotions.
0 notes
nobodyshome420 Ā· 3 years
Text
Torn in Two.
Ever felt completely torn in two? I honestly feel like I have 2 heads and 2 brains.
I have the side that sees that all is not well and knows what to do to change it.
And I have the side that just keeps hoping it will all change and get better.
I guess thatā€™s kinda your head and heart battling I just have no clue whatā€™s what anymore.
In fact I know I should leave.
But I canā€™t.
Iā€™m scared of hurting him (no idea why)
Iā€™m scared of being alone
Iā€™m scared of everything to do with change but I know if I stay Iā€™ll end up killing myself.
Heā€™s a great guy in a sense.
I mean he doesnā€™t beat me or rape me like my last one did.
But emotionally itā€™s not there itā€™s draining.
Mentally I always feel like I have to be a certain standard or Iā€™m not enough.
Financially. I give up.
I just need an escape route.
I just need someone to hold their hand out and say Iā€™m here. Youā€™ve got this.
2 notes Ā· View notes