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nerivaris · 1 year

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A Life Lived

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem!reader Word Count: 1,993 (Nice and short!)

A little backstory: You’ve lived all your life in the Underground, doing what you needed to to stay alive. Sometimes that meant stealing – other times it meant killing. You’ve gotten yourself a reputation, one that hasn’t gone unnoticed by Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps. He knows your skills can be beneficial to his cause – recruiting from the Underground has worked out in his favor before, hasn’t it?

As a new soldier for the Survey Corps, the responsibility for your training and supervision has fallen to Captain Levi – someone who, unbeknownst to you, understands your situation better than anyone.

Fast forward to now: You and the Levi Squad have just gone out on a small survey mission for the Corps, doubling as a chance for you to get experience with the outside world, including titans, under the protection of Levi and his team. Things don’t go as planned, some members of the squad get hurt – and it’s mainly your fault. After returning, Levi has called you to meet him in his office – you can only assume to give you the scolding of a lifetime.

And that is where this excerpt picks up.

Author’s Note: Soooo this was supposed to be a one-shot. It was supposed to get real spicy. But my problem is I love the tension of the chase more than anything. And the chase is what makes spicy scenes so much BETTER.😩

So I wrote an excerpt from what could be a longer, multi-chapter fic. Maybe. I’m not sure where I’ll go with it. Just a little tension-y scene that I had fun with. Either way this was a fun way to practice writing -- and I hope it doubles as an enjoyable read for YOU as well!! Let me know what you think. I haven’t written anything in a very long time, so hopefully it isn’t unreadable -- practice makes perfect! ____________________________________________

You hesitate before knocking on the door to his office. You messed up big time – you know that. He’d given you a direct command before setting out on this last mission, one that was meant to keep everyone safe. You were to avoid engaging directly with titans by any means necessary.

It was your first scouting mission outside the walls, a small expedition with Squad Levi to survey the area. On top of gathering intel for future expeditions, it would give you the chance to grow more accustomed to the outside under the watchful eye of Captain Levi and his team. If anyone could keep you from getting eaten by a titan, it was them.

There was only that one catch – do not engage. If the situation took a turn for the worse, you were to use your ODM gear to maneuver into the trees away from the danger, and let the more experienced soldiers handle it. Not doing so would put not just you in danger, but anyone who had the unfortunate job of trying to keep you and themselves safe. It would be the perfect situation for a fatal mistake.

Captain Levi had made his order clear before you set out. He was obviously wary of you, even a little angry that the responsibility of your care and training had fallen to him in the first place – and he wasn’t afraid to show it. You understand on some level. You’re a liability, an ex-criminal from the Underground, and your presence in a life or death situation could be the reason one of his subordinates got hurt. Though you couldn’t shake the feeling that his apparent distaste for you seems a little excessive for just an unwelcome responsibility. You aren’t entirely sure what about you puts him so on edge, makes him so harsh – which stings for reasons you don’t fully understand.

And that brings you back here. You’ve stalled long enough, and you finally force yourself to knock on the door. There’s a beat of silence. Waves of nerves flutter through your chest as his voice calls from the other side.

“Come in.”

You take a deep breath in through your nose, make an attempt at relaxing your tense muscles, and open the door.

Stepping through the threshold you enter a comfortably-sized room, and gently close the door behind you. The space is dimly lit by a few candles spread sporadically throughout, though more than one aggregate on the wooden desk in the middle of the room. Decorations and furniture are sparse. A large, simple rug lays beneath the desk and takes up a majority of the floor space in the office, and a small table and chair set sit near the wall to the left. The ceiling vaults high above. The soft light of dusk filters in through two ceiling-high, paneled windows on the wall opposite the door.

And in front of the one to your right stands the man who summoned you here.

You finally notice the heavy atmosphere. He’s facing away and hadn’t turned to look when you entered his office. His posture is straight, rigid, and you can see the tension in his back under the thin fabric of his white button-up shirt.

Your eyes roam down the length of him – the small of his back, the curve of his waist, fabric hugging the ghost of muscles hardened through years of combat–

You shift your attention straight ahead, surprised at yourself. Perhaps the stress of the day, and the nervous anticipation of this meeting, was affecting you in ways you didn’t realize. You probably shouldn’t be ogling your superior officer right before he lays into you.

It takes a moment for him to speak, his voice low and firm. “I gave you an explicit order. Repeat it back to me.”

You’re taken aback by the sudden command, how collected he seems. You’d never thought of him as a person of explosive, irrational rage, but this low-simmering, calm anger wasn’t completely expected either.

You’re silent, heart racing in your chest, eyes forward. You refuse to look at him, if only to keep your nerve. “You told me not to engage.”

He lets that answer hang between you for a moment. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him turn to face you, arms crossed. He just stands there, watching you – waiting for you to look at him directly.

When you do look him in the eyes, you finally see that anger you’d expected.

“And what did you do?” His voice is level, calm.

To your surprise, your nerves dissipate in an instant, replaced by your own anger bubbling to the surface. You were ultimately in the wrong, but his excessive irritation when it came to you put you on the defensive. “Captain, I was just–”

“Answer me.” It’s the first time he’s raised his voice during this encounter.

Not giving you the chance to explain yourself manages to piss you off even more. You huff heavily through your nose, tear your eyes away from him, focus directly ahead. You’ve never struggled so much with your anger before, but it takes a moment to get your temper under control.

Your response is clipped. “I engaged.”

Neither of you move, or say anything else. You know you’re being slightly irrational. You mishandled the situation, and because of that someone could have been killed. Anger from the captain is understandable. It doesn’t stop you from thinking, however, that his anger when it comes to you has always been slightly irrational as well.

Before you have time to process what’s happening he’s in front of you, a vice grip on your shirt, slamming you back into the door you came through before. Instinct must have taken over, and your arm is braced against his chest in an attempt to keep some distance between your bodies. But he’s so much stronger than you could have possibly imagined – almost inhuman. You are by no means a weak person, after all you’ve been through trying to survive in the Underground. But if he wanted to close the distance between you, your strength wouldn’t do much.

His face is close to yours, trying to intimidate through proximity.

You note a slow warmth growing low in your belly, despite the situation.

“Yes, you engaged,” he snaps. “Do you know what that kind of stupidity gets you out there? It gets you and your fellow soldiers killed. That’s why when I give you an order, you do exactly as I say.”

With the shock of the sudden violence subsiding, your anger is back in full force. “What was I supposed to do, captain? I saw someone was in danger, and I was the closest to him to stop it. I wasn’t about to watch someone get eaten right in front of me without doing something.”

“Don’t be a fucking idiot. My squad is hand-picked by me because they’re the best of the best. Eld didn’t need your help – he’s managed trickier situations than that. And now, because you tried to intervene, two of my soldiers are hurt.”

Shame falls over you like a cold, wet blanket. Eld is an experienced soldier, he probably didn’t need your help – which would mean you almost fucked up the whole mission, and caused Petra and Gunther to get hurt, for no reason whatsoever. “How was I supposed to know that? He looked like he was in trouble, so I acted. I’m not going to let an order from a superior stand in between me and potentially saving someone’s life. I would think you would understand that, but your obvious dislike of me seems to be clouding your judgment.”

If you weren’t so close to him, you wouldn’t have caught the surprise that passes across his face – because as quickly as it appears it’s gone, replaced by irritation. His grip on your shirt tightens and he presses you further against the door. “The only person here whose judgment is clouded is yours. You’re not in the Underground any more – and you’re out of your depth. Act like it. I have more experience with those monsters than you do. So if you want a better chance of coming back alive, you’ll do as I say.”

At that, you say nothing. Though you stand by what you said earlier, willing to give yourself some grace in a high adrenaline situation and acknowledging that your heart was in the right place, you are out of your depth. Not trusting the people around you could end up getting someone killed. Whether you like him or not – and you can’t completely pinpoint your feelings on the captain at this moment in time – he has shown himself as a capable leader. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, some tension leaving your body, the arm you used to keep distance from him dropping to your side.

“You’re right. I let the situation get to my head, and I messed up. I’m sorry. I will…trust your guidance in the future.”

You both fall silent. As the adrenaline wears off from this surprisingly physical confrontation, you realize the room has grown noticeably darker, the sun now fully set, the candles scattered about struggling to keep the space well-lit. If Levi weren’t so close to you, you wouldn’t be able to discern the details of his face. You can feel his warm breath on your cheeks.

You suddenly become conscious of how close the two of you truly are.

And with that, the tension between you seems to shift. You become hyper-aware of the closeness of his body, the heat building in the space between you. His hand, wrapped in your shirt, resting on your sternum.

Something shifts in him too, because his breathing slows, catches in his throat. Perhaps it was the dimness of the room, or the freshly ignited adrenaline running through your body, but you swear he leans a little closer. His eyes flick down to your lips. It couldn't be any more than a second, but time seems to slow, and the warmth in your abdomen ignites again with a vengeance – trails even lower.

And as quickly as it started, it forcefully ends. Levi snaps back to his senses and releases your shirt, abruptly pulls away. Before you can fully grasp the change in atmosphere, or take note of his expression, he turns away from you.

There’s a brief silence. “ When I give you an order again, you will follow it exactly, no questions asked. Is that clear?”

You struggle to collect your thoughts, to grasp the shift in tone. “...Yes.”

“Good,” he says, though his posture is still tense, and he refuses to face you. He moves forward to his desk, studies some papers on its surface. You stand there, unsure whether that was an implied dismissal or if there was something else he wanted to say.

After a beat of silence, you turn to leave.

He catches you by surprise when he says your name. You turn back to him, waiting.

He still doesn’t look at you. “I don’t … dislike you.”

You tense up involuntarily, remembering what you said to him. Feeling a little embarrassed, you wait for him to continue. He seems to be having trouble finding what he wants to say. “I understand…where you’re coming from. But if I’m to keep my team–” he pauses, “and you– safe, I need you to trust me when I give you an order.”

He finally looks back at you. The flicker of the candles on his desk throws dancing shadows across his face. You can’t help but think he looks mesmerizing in the soft light.

He holds your gaze for a beat. “Understood?”

You study him for a moment. “Yes, sir. I will.”

You both watch each other in silence. Then he gives a short nod and turns back to his desk. “Get some rest.”

You turn and take your leave.

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