rip sirius black you would have loved mother mother

james definitely resorted to crystals to try get reg to like him

they hate me for my girlish whimsy and for my pathological degree of avoidant behavior

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged from you! <33

my pets. i have a cat named effie (after both effie trinket and effie potter) and four dogs that are all my pride and joy.

my friends and family. as i've grown as a person, i've found some lovely friendships that i hope will flourish for many years, and i'm trying to heal my familial relationships as best i can.

the library. my university has a beautiful three story library that's absolutely gorgeous when the globe lights turn on just as the sun goes down. i spend many days and many memorable moments in there.

the outdoors. while i'm usually only awake to see sunsets, i can't deny that there's something extra special about waking up with the sun, and there's nothing better than spending time outside when the weather is either tolerable enough for lounging, or the sky is clear enough to see the stars. i think stargazing saves your soul a little bit, night by night, star by star.

my interests. whether it's the marauders, marvel, baking, reading, or lately formula one racing, i love it with all my heart. these things provide much needed distractions from everyday life, and they jut make life worth living when you get weighed down. it's nice to feel excited about something, even if i have to wake up early on the weekends just to watch ferrari lose on live television.

mother knows best?

growing up my mother always told me never to trust anyone, to keep in any and all information that could possibly one day be used against me and to be wary of everyone i met. i hated this mentality she had, and i never wanted to be like her. i still saw the light in the world, the joy of friendships and in meeting strangers, the way an interaction could make your day instead of break it, and i told begged myself to never be like her, to hang onto this positivity she would call naivete with my two broken, bleeding hands and to never let it go. i didn't want to get to the point where people are enemies until proven otherwise, and i hated everyone that made her this way, and herself for never trying to change it. over the years, i began to rely on her more and more for the emotional support you would get from a friend, just as she relied on me; we were like friends instead of mother and daughter, some us-against-them, mother-gothel-and-rapunzel bullshit i didn't fully like, but found solace in regardless. she'd pick apart my friendships, telling me they were out to get me, and when i eventually had a fight of some kind with those friends, she was the first to tell me "i told you so" and that "you can't trust people." looking back now, years later, i can see that following her advice was like letting the blind lead the blind, with her sight being impaired by the survival mode that she had been in for so long, that she had had to be in to make it this far, and me being blinded by my trust in her knowing what's best. and this isn't to say that she wasn't a good mother; she tried her best and we have some great memories together and i wouldn't even know how to judge "goodness" when it's so hard to determine its authenticity. i love her and i am becoming her and i hate that i am and i hate that i hate it. i'm at the age where i'm entering relationships and i have no idea how to open up, with any and all of my problems and emotions being tied up and gagged in the tower that is my mind, never letting anyone in, and never letting anything out. i feel like a soldier in my day to day life, with my head on a swivel for immediate danger, and for the kind that comes when someone you trust leaves or betrays you in some way. it keeps happening, maybe because i keep expecting it to happen in some sick, self-sabotoging mode of manifestation. she's still interwoven in my life, too, her arms being both a loving hug and a strangling sense of her control i can't get out of when i try. my shoulders are drawn taut, i let no emotions on my face other than the ones i want you to see; i'm empty, i'm full, i don't feel human, and yet i feel an endless amount of something, like there's so much buried that i don't know how to access or process. everything can be shiny and perfect if you don't break the surface. i want to be shiny and perfect. i don't want to break the surface. i need to make full connections, not just ones that i'm there for as some enigma, some unyielding, unaffected, one-woman comedy show, but i can't break the surface of that pit i call my problems. if i do, i fear i will never climb back out.

Remus *looking more done with everybody's shit than usual*:

Yesterday I overheard Prongs say “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Pads replied “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so fast in my life.

“I’m free on valentines day!” yeah you read marauders fanfic we know

i know that valentine’s day at hogwarts was absolute chaos when James and Sirius were no longer single

*POV: AU where they’re not together. james and lily staying up late together in the common room, reflecting on each of their lives when they should be studying for the NEWTs tomorrow*

james: do you think we would’ve been together in another life?

lily: i think we’re together in every life but this one.

serious post for once:

i just got home from college for the weekend. i’ve been in my little open-minded bubble of supportive friends at school, and after 15 minutes of being home and one conversation with my brother, i’m reminded that not everyone is accepting of those that aren’t white, cis, thin, and straight.

this is a reminder to everyone who needs it: stay safe, and stay with people who value you and your identity.

lots of love from me, a random bi girl in small town kentucky. ❤️

my apologies, madam. if i knew you were a weird and strange woman i would have followed immediately

completely hypothetically if i were to release an EP that was centered around sapphic connections and the idea of loving and losing and worshipping women with a mitski-like sound and florence + the machine-like lyrics and a late 90’s vibe would y’all listen to it? completely hypothetically of course

“Writing is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”

- Why I Write, George Orwell

just remembered this post and i’m planning to try this in a few days when i get back to my dorm. stay posted

tony, sleep deprived, running on caffeine and anxiety: what if i put coffee in the coffee machine instead of water to make DOUBLE coffee

stephen, already unplugging the coffee machine: what if you DONT.

"remus has a twin" this and "remus and romulus" that well what about sirius black's twin brother hilarius what about him