godd omg looking back on my blog and through my feed is making me miss him again

guys it’s been so long since i’ve logged on here omg hi

since r has been gone, school has been pretty boring,, but i have a small update !

i actually just saw him while my family and i were out at dinner! he was walking along the street and i recognized him immediately lol .. we were sitting outside so i called “mr. r!!” and he looked around all confused then saw me 😭

he came over and we chatted a bit, he joked about how i never got back to him about voice lessons and he CONTINUED to ask my mom about it 😭 he really does never give up

then he explained how he was looking for his phone, and he was off :’)

anyway hope y’all r doing well :))

sometimes i think he’s blind for not noticing just how much i care about him

it’s in simple things, like me writing “love, naomi grey” at the end of his card, as opposed to me writing “sincerely, naomi” at the end of my other teacher’s

or maybe he does notice and he thinks nothing of it

part of me is glad that he’s pursuing other careers in music to make himself happy

and the other part of me is so upset that now i’ll no longer get to experience the field trips, the greetings in the hallways, the subtle glances across the room when something interesting happens, the sitting at his desk early in the morning and rambling about my life, and the acknowledgement of being one of his best students

he will never teach me again unless i choose to do voice lessons, which i’m unsure if i even have time for these days

it’s just sad

hi umm lowkey scared someone will know who i am from this but ANYWAYY i wrote a thank you note to r since he won’t be teaching me anymore ,, so here it is + his response!

how to give someone a thank you note in a non awkward way

tomorrow is my last day with r and i can only see him for 20 minutes. might kms

HELPP I DIDNT REALIZE WHAT WAS ON MY PHONE AND I WAS SCROLLING UP AND DOWN ON MY BLOG AND I JUST HAD IT STRETCHED OUT IN FRONT OF ME, VISIBLE, FOR A SOLID TEN SECONDS

he’s rehearsing lines to himself rn and it’s the funniest thing he’s just mumbling and making facial expressions

unrelated to r even tho i do see him tmr but i have to dissect a pig in bio tomorrow and i am NOT looking forward to that

really sad that this is my last official week of seeing r .. he’s been trying to convince me to do voice lessons though so i dunno,, i guess i’m just gonna try to see the positives !

i was sitting by r’s desk in first period today and i was joking like “haha i really want some coffee rn” and he just kinda paused for a minute and was like “hmm.” and i was like “what” and he says “i wonder how much trouble we would get in if i sent you to [coffee shop across the road] to get me a hot chocolate” (because he doesn’t like coffee lol) and i was like welllll you’re leaving the school next year anyway and if i get in trouble then i’ll blame you …. so who cares if i leave campus right lol

and so he’s like “hm. well, you’re right” and he just HANDS me his CREDIT CARD and his order jotted down on a sheet of paper (large hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin of course because it’s him) and he’s like alright quick go before i change my mind and i’m like ok but can i buy myself a hot chocolate and pay you back? and he says “ah well with the work you’ve done for the chorus organization i’d say you deserve one” and i’m like LETS GOOO free hot chocolate so ofc i leave (his classroom has a door to outside and you can get to the crosswalk from there but you have to walk a bit) so i go get his stuff and then come back and it was really fun and i didn’t get in trouble! was nice to get out of school for a bit and a free drink as well lol

resisting the urge to bring him something tomorrow in the morning for teacher appreciation week…. and then running away promptly afterwards because i don’t have class with him that day….. hmmmmmm

i already gave him stuff for christmas though LMAOOO UHH it was just like chocolate and whatnot but still i don’t wanna give him the same stuff!! also idk who’s in his first period tomorrow and i don’t wanna look weird so i dunno we’ll see

maybe i can bring something by at the end of the day

things are a little different ever since i learned r won’t be teaching chorus for the next 3 years like i thought he would be

i’m slowly getting less sad about it and more hopeful for the future ! r has been asking me (pleading with me, really) to do voice lessons with him — his reasoning being that i “have a lovely voice”, “like to sing”, and i “will miss him” lol and the latter is true but he doesn’t need to say that !!! every time it’s brought up i smile and i “don’t have time” or “don’t want to” etc but he straight up just stubbornly sent an email to my mom about it recently lol 😭 he said i could water his houseplants while i’m there , but who knows

my main reason for “not wanting to” is that i think i’d be a little embarrassed to just sing alone with him in his house 😭 aah whatever, even if i don’t do the lessons he’s told me that he’ll come see my colorguard shows and whatnot — if i continue to do guard, that is

so yeah !! i’m doing pretty okay i guess i’ll find a way to stay in contact with him after all

jk some girl just asked if there was any cookies left and i looked up and looked at him and he was like yeah lol and she was like can i have it? and he was like yeah and she just took it 😭 goodbye cookie i would’ve loved you 💔💔

r just offered me a cookie 😭 like he just walked up to me bc i was sitting on my phone on his desk and he placed it in front of me on a napkin

and i just looked up and i was like ???? in my facial expression

and he like gestured to it

and i was just literally making ??? as a noise back and forth at him haha but i eventually went “it’s fine!!” to refuse it???? LIKE WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT HELPP I SHOULDVE JUST SAID THANK YOU BUT MY DISORDERED ASS IS JUST STARING AT THIS COOKIE IN FRONT OF ME NOW 😭 LMAOO he just left it there in front of me idk maybe i’ll take it

r just offered me a cookie 😭 like he just walked up to me bc i was sitting on my phone on his desk and he placed it in front of me on a napkin

and i just looked up and i was like ???? in my facial expression

and he like gestured to it

and i was just literally making ??? as a noise back and forth at him haha but i eventually went “it’s fine!!” to refuse it???? LIKE WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT HELPP I SHOULDVE JUST SAID THANK YOU BUT MY DISORDERED ASS IS JUST STARING AT THIS COOKIE IN FRONT OF ME NOW 😭 LMAOO he just left it there in front of me idk maybe i’ll take it

currently juggling the pain of r leaving my school and the pain of missing my ex 🤗🤗 feeling #amazing