nailsofvecna
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It's true that elven bows owe much of their power and accuracy to the mystical nature of their construction, grown as they are from the living wood of ancient trees using techniques known to none outside of the forest enclaves. However, the real secret of elven archery lies in these thumb rings, suffused with otherworldly magic and blessed by the gods in Arvandor. With one of these, an elf can pick up any old bow and turn it into a terrifying machine of death.
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Getting tangled up in regular kelp is bad enough, but this bloodsucking, ambulatory type is far worse. Best to steer clear of areas where this monster is known to dwell. It is exceptionally nutritious though, and hence has become a vital foodstuff to some island communities.
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Wizard Council awfully silent about these...
Gratuitously evil spells for villains to learn
Mordenkainen's Highly Problematic Political Opinions
Spell that causes someone to experience the entirety of The Big Bang Theory in 6 seconds
Spell that causes a needlessly painful death. It figures out the maximum amount of pain it's ethically permissible to inflict based on context and inflicts twice that much on purpose
Fireball but it expands the area of effect to specifically hit all your teammates.
Mildly Upset Person.
Disintegrate but it bestows any object it hits with full human sapience just before the ray hits.
Locate Object but every time you cast it, it kicks a random guy in the nuts for no good reason.
Hellish Rebuke but it hits anyone who isn't attacking you.
Ray of Deforestation
Transmute Food To Food That's Produced Unsustainably And Using Unethical Labor Practices
Nullify Union
#spellbook saturday#after dark#d&d 5e#homebrew#spells#banned by the wizard council#(or at least they should be)
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Scour your enemies from the battlefield with this vicious wind! Blast the armour from their bodies, melt their flesh into slurry, and sweep the floor clean with it! Nothing less will do.
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Yes. You're essentially trading an attunement slot for the ability to swap out the remaining two attunements on the fly (since it normally takes an hour to make or break an attunement). It's meant to look useful at first glance (and allow me to write straight-faced flavour text), but actually not be something many people would want. Hence,
You aren't a real adventurer unless you've hauling around so much loot that you need hirelings just to carry it all. For the veteran dungeoneer, then, only being able to attune to three items at a time can be seriously limiting. Some might even consider - gasp - selling some of their treasures! Well, banish those thoughts from your head, my friend, for with one of these rings, you can switch up your gear on a whim. Even the most niche and obscure items can have their moment in the sun!
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In life-and-death situations, you don't want to waste any opportunity that your opponents allow you. Take full advantage with this affordable new weapon enchantment!
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Every race in the galaxy has its share of soldiers, mercenaries and pirates but, unavoidably, some species take to violent careers more readily than others. For space-faring adventurers looking to get into trouble, these are some of the races they are more likely to encounter.
The cravers are a race of bio-engineered cyborg killing machines that exist only to consume. A single, unarmed craver drone is more than a match for a full platoon of humanity's finest soldiers, and it only gets worse from there. The inexorable expansion of the craver empire strikes fear into the hearts of all other races - for as they well know, the cravers have no interest in anything that cannot be eaten or enslaved. It is true that those who get separated from the hive are a more diverse group, and some have even adapted somewhat to the cultural mores of the more civilised races, but their immense size and strength still make them highly desirable as bodyguards and enforcers.
No den of scum and villainy is complete without at least a couple of gnashast heavies with itchy trigger fingers. Gruff and territorial by nature, gnashast have little respect for authority and bottomless appetites for strife. They're not easy folk to get on with, for sure, but you'll be glad to have a few in your neighbourhood when the alien invaders show up!
Of all the warlike races of the galaxy, the hissho stand out for having made martial prowess a core cultural value. A hissho considers dying in battle to be the highest honour, and vastly preferably to retreat. Genetically modified by the Endless to be the perfect warriors, they now sail the stars in search of worthy opponents to fight and new worlds to subdue in the name of the sun god, Tonatsi. The hissho view pirates as a blight on the galaxy, and can often be seen hunting down criminal elements in the places where such dishonourable types tend to gather.
When the tikanan were first-contacted, they were a race of non-sentient insectoid beasts, the sort that might be kept as exotic pets by certain individuals who are not put off by the extreme aggression these creatures exhibit. Thus it came as a great surprise when, seemingly overnight, they started talking; building and trading, and organised themselves into a civilised society. They still prepare for war constantly, of course, and infighting between tikanan colonies never stops - it's just that now they're using tanks and tactics, instead of teeth and claws.
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Don't you hate it when you're circulating at a party, and only catch little snippets of everyone's conversations? With this handy cantrip, you need never miss an in-joke again!
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0% fresh ingredients, always from concentrate!
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Much like the gelatinous cube, the mint parfait is commonly introduced to dungeon environments in order to keep the place clean and tidy. As an added bonus, this ooze leaves a minty-fresh trail in its wake as it scours all dirt and grime from any floor it slides over. They are not particularly aggressive, but will defend themselves with powerful blasts of ice when threatened, sometimes even flash-freezing adventurers into statues the instant they draw their swords.
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Skeletons and zombies are just tools, and each is suited to particular jobs. Using this spell, you can easily adapt your minions to the task at hand, whatever that may be.
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This apple was supposed to be a blessing. When the gods offered it as a trophy to the world's most beautiful person, however, the immediate outpouring of envy from those who thought they deserved the prize caused the apple to become saturated with negative energy, corrupting its enchantment into a curse.
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You aren't a real adventurer unless you've hauling around so much loot that you need hirelings just to carry it all. For the veteran dungeoneer, then, only being able to attune to three items at a time can be seriously limiting. Some might even consider - gasp - selling some of their treasures! Well, banish those thoughts from your head, my friend, for with one of these rings, you can switch up your gear on a whim. Even the most niche and obscure items can have their moment in the sun!
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The modern battlefield is dominated by artillery - especially when the fire giants join the fray! Their massive size and strength enables them to carry, by hand, weapons that other races would need vehicles to tow, enabling the giants to engage humanoid war machines on equal terms. Up close, fire giants have no qualms about deploying canister shot to blast apart enemy troops, revelling in the terrible destruction that they can so easily wreak.
This could be considered a very late follow-up to my fire giant immolator.
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A spell to turn someone into an avatar of holy retribution, a radiant aegis is so rich in the beneficent magic of the divine that it doesn't even leave the target exhausted afterwards.
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Bone spaghetti.
With pork neck? It wouldn't be my first choice.
Now, if they made pasta shaped like little bones, I would have a hallowe'en party every week!
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Tumblr tells me today is my 7th anniversary on this hellsite. In celebration, please enjoy this reminder of the good times. 馃檭
I think this is my favourite spell I鈥檝e ever written. I鈥檓 not sorry.
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