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mytholympus · 7 days
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Dionysus: No, mom, I’m not high. My eyes are red because I’m evil
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mytholympus · 9 days
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Dionysus: If I keep losing my keys I might jump out of a window!
Hades: Dio, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that?!
Dionysus: …
Dionysus: If I keep losing my keys I might… push somebody else out of a window?
Hades: Thank you.
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mytholympus · 10 months
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*Apollo struggling to open a jar*
Artemis: Allow me
*She makes it tighter*
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mytholympus · 10 months
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Hades: I notice that you’re wearing a shirt. Is everything okay?
Zeus: You fucking-
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mytholympus · 1 year
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Kronos: No man can defeat me.
Persephone: I am no man.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Zeus, wearing a new shirt: Thoughts?
Hera: And prayers.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Hecate: Waking up every day is just like… Good morning sun. Good morning sky. Good morning evergrowing festering pit of primordial rage inside of me. Good morning birds.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Hades: Allow me to slip into something a little more comfortable…
*He is enveloped in fog and disappears*
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Achilles: There is no force of nature that says “come here” like the ocean
Odysseus: Those are the sirens bitch!
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Persephone: I could STRANGLE you right now
Zeus: You aren’t tall enough
Persephone: You’ve sunken low enough for me to reach
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Hades: Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier.
Zeus: …And for punching me in the face?
Hades: No. You definitely deserved that.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Hades: Kid, there are two secrets to success
Hades: Number one, never tell anyone everything you know
Dionysus: What’s the second?
Hades: Well
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Aphrodite: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart, I think it’s so romantic! Two lovers on a date…
Ares: One of them carrying a knife for some reason
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Any man: Hey-
Artemis: Enough.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Aphrodite: Your existence is proof that generations of your face have been loved.
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Zeus to Hera: Babe, I only asked ‘where the hoes at’ so I know to stay away from that area!
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mytholympus · 2 years
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Hades: Alright everyone, let’s not Zeus this into a situation that’s worse than it already is.
Zeus: Did you just use my name as a verb?
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