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my-back-pages Ā· 3 months
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does it happen to you, that you rather be dead?
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my-back-pages Ā· 6 months
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Where did we get lost? Why our thing is not a thing anymore? I do really miss what we used to be, but I don't think this could be back anymoreā€¦ no more.
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my-back-pages Ā· 6 months
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If I ever tried to kill myself, would you miss me?
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my-back-pages Ā· 11 months
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Sometimes you just need to hear that things will be better, it doesn't even matter if they ever will.
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my-back-pages Ā· 11 months
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A choice
I prefer to feel the emptiness. I prefer it to nothing, feeling hollow inside me knowing we are not together.
Sorry
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my-back-pages Ā· 11 months
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I'm really in love with you, but I no longer want to feel you as my responsibility anymore.
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my-back-pages Ā· 11 months
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Waste
Thanks for caring less about my feelings and just wasting and using me. This is all I want, this is all I need: be used by your desire.
Now I feel so alive.
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my-back-pages Ā· 11 months
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I'm not sure if we're still friend, but I want to hang on to the idea that we still are.
I want to believe we are.
I need to believe it.
I won't ask.
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my-back-pages Ā· 1 year
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Here's a letter for you that you will never see.
There's a lot of guilt at the bottom of my heart and soul. I feel guilty for not being brave enough to flight from everything to be with you, for not being fearless enough for texting you to say that I love you. Things are strange because I didn't expect to be in love with you the way I am. I feel dread to know that I'm not enough good for you, because you are so amazing, like a deity which I just had the luck to coincide with.
I'm so sorry for not being. I feel so blue because I don't even have something to miss, just moments that have not existed and which would be no more.
I feel the emptiness for the sons that we won't ever have, their faces won't be yours, and their eyes neither mine.
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my-back-pages Ā· 1 year
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I'm really too afraid of loneliness that I prefer living without feeling love than feeling alone.
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my-back-pages Ā· 1 year
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doors
I need to learn to stop knocking on doors that had never existed.
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my-back-pages Ā· 2 years
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Y'all know that I haven't committed suicide because I feel that I'm unimportant enough to be truly cared about by someone if ceased to exist.
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my-back-pages Ā· 2 years
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A sunny day in the neighbourhood
These days have been overwhelming, after my last post, I have felt as if everything went downhill: ideas, inspiration, and purpose. Sometimes I feel as I just broke up with a girl I knew so long time ago, but this story is not about a girl, not about catching up with someone like my parents, and not even the institutions. Well, I donā€™t like the way my story is going, so let me just ring the changes on.
Let me try to zoom in on the idea I am trying to explain. Come, on, just settle in my new blog. This new blog turned up the very moment I thought I have something to say. But I feel empty. Indeed, I trying to force myself to write this entry, as if every thought, every sentence, and every letter just fall into a place. This second paragraph was intended to be a change for the better. Maybe, instead of making this mandatory for me, spontaneously type my thoughts, maybe I just need that my ideas deployed hanging around alongside my mind. Maybe, I just need to cut back on my writing, because these texts donā€™t seem to go anywhere, as if the main topic of this paper merely be there out of the blue, manifesting itself as an unavoidable truth. But is not.
Anyone I know seemed to be felt better by assuming that it will be on the cards that things will be better. Iā€™m writing this from the earlies of the 2020s. We have been through a pandemic for at least 3 years and no one knows how and when this is about to end. Everyone would like to say that the rest is history, but corona has come to change our lives in ways that we donā€™t even imagine. No one wants to say it, but we are witnessed how the world we used to live in is running out.
But I think that these ideas are not new at all, I donā€™t think that Iā€™m coming up with a new idea or expressing a feeling that no one is expressing. I donā€™t even think Iā€™m helped out a decision-maker to make explicit the feelings o ideas of the people, especially because these days I didnā€™t get in with what folks feel about the situation.
Indeed, I feel kind of alone.
Maybe Iā€™m forcing myself to be writing this just for cheering myself up. I know that no one will help me unless I do it by myself. I need to jump at the change of opening myself to what I feel and sharing my ideas.
Thanks for reading
BTW, the sun is raining and today is a lovely day.
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my-back-pages Ā· 2 years
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First post
Hello, internet. This is a new Tumblr I'm doing on my own. The main objective of this new space is just writing. I feel that sometimes we are exhausted by the immediacy of the current social networks. In the earlies 2000s, I remember how I, and other former teenagers used to read a lot of blogs, have our own and read us. Also, there were some forums where you discussed; however, nowadays there seems to be that no one wants to read anymore. In my case, it was because I was shattered of discussing the same topic every time new folks entered a group, every time I have a new friend, and so on. Also, I earlier note how useless is to discuss some topics with everyone. Most people donā€™t want to change their minds.
The ultimate justification of this new space is just practice and, eventually, enhance my writing abilities. It is said that the best way to improve your prose is writing. I donā€™t expect anyone to be interested in whatever Iā€™ll write here. But just If anyone takes the time to read my thoughts and enjoy them, I will feel that this blog has exceeded all expectations.
Most of the following posts will be merely fictional, so any relations to events and persons is merely a coincidence.
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