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mooncleaver ¡ 11 months
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girl what you expect me to live after reading something like this? amazing. absolutely amazing.
have read this fic over and over again through the course of april and i will never forget the feeling of discovering this story for the first time. i'm so impressed and in LOVE with the characterization, the plot and the writing. basically everything i think. your azriel—and not just in this fic—is so beautiful and full of depth, and he flourishes with so much empathy, compassion and love, i felt like this was so vulnerable, especially with the setting being him experiencing a nightmare of his past.
Azriel’s eyes softened, still taking you in. He squeezed your hand tenderly, prompting you to look at him once more. The amount of emotion he was displaying was a testament to how much his nightmare caught him off guard, how vulnerable it left him. “What was it that you wanted?” he urged you on gently. 
the fact is this is where i really fell in love with this man. every re-read this is a huuuge highlight for me and one of my favorite parts, because god why does he have to be so thoughtful! 😭 i can't stress how much i adore that you gave him as well as the reader time to formulate their thoughts and responses, it really makes a reader delve deeper into the character's emotions. he's so gentle and kind and understanding, even after having woken up from that shit hole. you always find a way to make sure his personality shines beneath every action, trivial or not, and that is so admirable. i love for that consistency. and the fucking cherry on top is the dialogue after these pauses HIT ASF. like hard on punch atomic bomb level right on the heart.
If there was anything you could do to ease that pain, you’d give anything, sell anything, lose everything
literally like what the fuck is this 😭 had me screaming at the top of my lungs at 10am girl
the dynamics! between him and the reader. ugh what i'd do to have something like that. even with the romantic tension there's that beautiful casualness in their relationship and lord do i enjoy reading that. i LOVEE how they are so comfortable with physical affection, and the way the flow of this story supports that so much is insane to me. like lets take a moment and talk about that. every fic has a vibe to it and this is the perfect brew of slow, feeling and love. it's like you're making us bask in all the longing and affection between the characters. LITERATURE MAMA!
also lets go back to az's characterization that has me going apeshit because he's so tender. and not just in the way he acts and treats the reader. THE DIALOGUE YOU GIVE HIM makes me fall to my knees every. damn. time. hes so precious and amazing and wow and literally is the love of my life. the subtle humor and jokes between them too! im a slut for this trope; i love the fact that they're able to cheer each other up in so many different forms, that's such a testament to how they are absolutely made for each other.
Mischief glinted in his eyes. “Of course you do. What with you dreaming about me and whatnot.” ; “I guess this makes you my dream girl, huh?” he teased.
just a few that i thought were really really nice. and despite whatever they're talking about changing throughout the fic, you always retain that softness in azriel, whether through tone or through his actions. like the NUANCES and the little gestures that he makes. kill me now. then when he felt the mating bond click for him oouuu yeah that shit hitss
Once again, you felt the love for him inside you like a sentient creature. I love him I love him I love him. 
To your eternal relief and delight, to the actualization of your very dreams, you felt the mantra being sung back to you.
I love you too. 
OOOOH MY GOD SERVE CUNTTT 😩 THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING WHEN I SAY YOU KNOW HOW TO TOP SHIT OFF AND GAG PEOPLE!! the fact that he finally replies ooo it scratches that part of my brain like come on fill circle, let's go
all in all this was such an amazing story with amazing writing and still to this day i haven't stopped coming back! it's a very nice palate cleanser and really making me fall back in love with azriel here. i think there's so much more to say but for now this is all the brainrot that i've stored in the crevices of my mind locked up. 10/10 would bang.
Dreams and Deliverance
Azriel x Reader
Word count: 3.2k
Synopsis: Azriel has a nightmare that the reader sees through the bond. She goes to wake him up and comfort him. They talk through the night. The bond snaps for him in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You’re being suffocated in a darkness that has no beginning or end. The darkness closes in on you, detonating claustrophobia inside your own body. You scream, the voice desperate, far away, and not entirely yours. A cold sense of abandonment sparks deep in your gut. They left me in here. Worse than the claustrophobia and the darkness is the gradually growing heat in your hands, like holding slowly igniting coals in your palms—
Fire.
They’re on fire.
The screaming becomes raw, haggard, pleading. The heat insufferable—this is hell. You must be in hell—
You wake with a jolt. A nightmare. You rub your clammy palms on your bed sheets, ridding them of the lingering phantom sensation. Your rapid breathing is shallow, prompting you to force deep inhales into your stomach to settle your racing heart. A nightmare like that… the familiar narrative behind it, that… borrowed abandonment you tasted, it had to be—the bond.  
Not a nightmare, you think. A memory. 
Azriel. Oh, Azriel. 
You jump out of your bed before you could convince yourself not to, taking your faelight in hand to light the way. 
The walk to his room cleared your head gradually, preparing you for the task ahead. Azriel was your mate, though he didn’t know that yet. The bond had snapped for you months ago, but not for him, so you’ve been keeping your love for him buried deep inside, waiting—dreaming—for the fateful day you hoped to witness the same wonder in his eyes when he looked at you that you held for him.
Reaching the door to his bedroom, you hesitated for a second. Knocking was probably not a wise call, with it potentially startling him in an already reactive state. You gently turned the doorknob with your free hand. There you found Azriel tossing in his bed, breathing ragged, his shadows churning in abrupt motions around him. You closed the door behind you and gently padded over to where he lay. 
Your heart ached at the sight of him distressed in his sleep. He was covered in a sweaty sheen that reflected in the faelight, eyebrows furrowed together. His head turned from side to side on his pillow as he fought the memories in his slumber. His bed was huge to support his wings, prompting you to sit on the edge of it to reach him. You raised your hand, willing away the nerves, and placed it on his shoulder. “Azriel,” you whispered. 
He didn’t answer, still moving in distress. You shifted closer to him, bringing one leg to fully bend beneath you. “Azriel,” you said a little louder, shaking his shoulder.
Azriel woke with a start, gasping at the abrupt awakening. His eyes snapped to yours, wide in his unguarded state. He continued to look at you in confusion, taking shaky breaths in and out. You withdrew your hand from his shoulder as he gathered himself.
“I… sorry, did I wake you?” His voice was gruff with sleep, even deeper than the usual baritone timbre.
“No, you didn’t, don’t worry,” you said quickly, shaking your head. 
He hauled himself upright into a sitting position, leaning against his headboard. The sheets fell as he did, pooling on his naked lower stomach. You didn’t dare avert your gaze from his eyes. He leaned his head back, bringing a hand up and dragging it down his face, still visibly shaken from his nightmare. “Sorry,” he said again. Your heart broke.
“Don’t be sorry, darling—” you cringed at the term of endearment slipping out before you could stop it. You shook your head again in emphasis. “You didn’t wake me.” 
He lowered his hands, turning to face you. His beautiful face still held pain from his nightmare—his memory —and you wanted nothing more than to relieve his anguish. If there was anything you could do to ease that pain, you’d give anything, sell anything, lose everything—
You had to swallow down the thought, shivering at the territorial instinct that came with the bond. Azriel’s breathing finally returned to normal, and the lost look in his eyes calmed. You wanted so badly to reach for him, you couldn’t help it. You gingerly traced your index finger across the back of his left hand where it rested between the two of you on the bed. He looked down to watch you touch him, and thankfully didn’t appear uneasy about it. You allowed yourself to grasp his hand at that permission, your right palm caressing the back of his left hand. He still watched. Then he turned his hand around so you could properly hold it, his hand swallowing yours up entirely with the sheer size of it. Your heart soared at the gesture, a feeling of deep belonging filling your stomach. If only he knew. 
“You okay, Az?” your voice was small. He met your gaze looking restless, haunted. 
“I’m… yeah, I’m okay now.” His shoulders sagged a bit. “Thank you for pulling me out.”
“Of course.”
His brows furrowed slightly once more, the crease still between them from his nightmare. “How’d you know I was having a nightmare?” 
Your cheeks heated. “I… I don’t know.” He continued to watch you, and you suddenly grew conscious of your current state. Hair down, nightgown exposing your thighs where you sat on his bed. You swallowed. “I actually, um, had a nightmare too. I came here because… I was afraid, and I wanted…” you trailed off, averting your gaze. Technically not a lie.
Azriel’s eyes softened, still taking you in. He squeezed your hand tenderly, prompting you to look at him once more. The amount of emotion he was displaying was a testament to how much his nightmare caught him off guard, how vulnerable it left him. “What was it that you wanted?” he urged you on gently. 
Perhaps you could reciprocate the vulnerability he was showcasing given all that transpired to bring the two of you to this moment. “Nothing, I just—I needed…” I needed to make sure you were safe. “I needed—”
“It’s okay,” he spoke gently, the gruffness in his voice subduing. He moved over on his bed, making room for you. He gave you a soft smile, though still not quite relaxed. You moved to sit fully on the bed, though you didn’t go under the covers. There was unfinished business at hand. 
You sat adjacent to him over the covers, hand still in his. You brought your joined hands into your lap and took a deep breath. “Would you… do you want to talk about yours?”
He blinked. “Wanna talk about yours?” he countered. 
You squeezed his hand in warning. He squeezed back. “Tell me if you need. If you want.” You let the honest love you felt for him show on your face, knowing he needed to see it more than you needed to hide it. 
While you hated the circumstances that prompted it, you also cherished the vulnerability he let show in his eyes at your presence, at your offer. His smile faded as he considered the opening. To your surprise, he took a deep breath. “My nightmare—it was a memory; I was back in my cell. My hands… they were on fire again.” He swallowed, studying your reaction. You just nodded in encouragement. “I was trapped, I couldn’t stop it, and the pain…” his eyes closed briefly at the thought of it, and he shuddered. You shifted closer to him, brought your free hand up to his face, and gently ran your thumb down the crease between his brows. His eyes remained closed, though he took a deep breath at the sensation, grounding himself. 
When he opened his eyes once more, he found yours brimmed with tears. “Oh, no (Y/N), please don’t cry. I’m sorry,” he said. You pulled your hands from him to wipe your eyes with the back of your hands.
“No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry,” you said, sniffling away the tears. He gently grasped both your wrists and pulled them away from your eyes. 
“Why are you crying, Angel?” his eyes were filled with concern.
“Because.” You gathered yourself. “I hate that you felt that pain.” 
His eyes softened again. “It’s okay, I’m good now. You pulled me out, remember?” he gently nudged your chin up with his bent index. You took a deep breath, quelling the tears. You met his gaze and nodded with a soft smile. “Now you tell me about yours.”
Shit. “Well,” you started. He waited with that steady patience of his. “I actually had a nightmare that, um, that you were hurt.” 
Azriel blinked, dumbfounded. “Me?”
You nodded shyly. Perhaps presenting the truth this way made it a white lie. “I just wanted to come make sure you were okay.” Your cheeks burned at the admission, but you couldn’t help it, wanting to let your affection reach out to him like a blanket. 
“And what’s the verdict?”
You gave him a shrug. “You’ve seen better days.” 
Azriel let out a genuine, rich laugh, head falling back onto the headboard. You felt your shoulders sag in relief at the sound, making you smile. 
When he raised his head once more to look at you, you felt contentment fall upon the two of you. His eyes were bright, a beautiful smile gracing his face, smoothing out the previous tension. 
His shadows began gently coiling themselves around your wrists, snaking their way up your arms. They had a habit of doing this since the bond snapped in place for you, making you smile at the thought, like a secret you shared with the shadows beyond Azriel’s awareness.
When you looked up once more, Azriel was watching you, something like fondness in his eyes as he took in the sight. “They like you.”
“I like them,” you supplemented. 
He opened his mouth but closed it before he said what he wanted to say. 
“What?” you asked.
“You—you’re a good friend, (Y/N). I appreciate—” he gestured vaguely between the two of you. “I appreciate your… thank you for everything.” His cheeks were tinted pink in the dim faelight, his eyes averted from your gaze. He ducked his head at his admission, making you smile deeper at the rare sight of flustered Azriel.  
You took his hand in yours once more and brought it up to kiss it, conveying what you couldn’t possibly say to him with words. He watched as you did, that warm look still in his hazel eyes. 
“Have you always been so touchy?” he teased. You gave a pointed look to where he was tracing circles into the back of your hand. He chuckled.
“Do you want me to stop?” you asked more seriously. 
He squeezed your hand. “No.” 
“Aw,” you cooed, despite the heat in your cheeks. “Who knew the big bad spymaster could be such a softie.” 
Azriel groaned, but his smile didn’t falter. “If you tell anyone about this—”
“Not even Cassian?”
“Especially not Cassian.”
You laughed again, aware that he watched as you did. 
“Don’t worry, Az. I won’t tell the others. Maybe I like having you like this all to myself.” 
Mischief glinted in his eyes. “Of course you do. What with you dreaming about me and whatnot.” 
You laughed again, blushing like mad. “Azriel.”
“Hmm…” he said in pretend concern. “Whatever happened to ‘darling?’” 
Your eyes widened in shock, and you ducked your head sheepishly to hide your fluster. “It… just slipped out.” 
When you looked back up, his mischief was replaced with that affectionate look that you’d crawl for. “I’m just teasing, Angel,” he said. You continued to look at him from beneath your lashes, out of words to say. He swallowed and continued. “Are you just going to stare at me all night, or are we going to try to get some rest?” 
You rolled your eyes but took the invitation. You got off the bed and he lifted the covers for you. As you made your way under them, you didn’t miss his eyes roaming across your exposed legs. He lowered himself into the bed as well. You both faced each other, the faelight dimming as it floated in the room. “Where’d your touchy tendencies go?” he said, making you smile again. 
“Az, if you need me to spoon you, just say so.”
He chuckled but opened his arms. You shifted slightly up on the bed to let yourself envelope him, arms wrapping around his neck tightly, holding his head to your chest. His arms wrapped around your waist. You felt such tangible happiness that you had to swallow to keep yourself from getting emotional. I love him I love him I love him. You twisted your body to lay more flatly on the bed, prompting him to turn on his stomach. He kept his hips and legs off yours to mind his weight on your frame. His head still rested on your chest, arms still wrapped around your waist beneath you, and your arms held him steadfastly around his neck. His wings settled on either side of him around the two of you.
You could get drunk off the emotion you felt, and it would be the warmest, most breathtaking intoxication you’ll ever feel. You felt yourself getting lulled to sleep, the weight of him on your chest overwhelming you with love. His shadows gently caressed your hair, making it harder to stay awake. “Az,” you mumbled, half asleep.
“Yes, Angel.”
“You’re my best friend.”
You felt him smile on your chest, felt his eyes crinkle and his cheek shift upwards. “You’re mine, too.”
You ran your fingers through his hair, stroking it back in a gentle, repeated motion. You felt him shiver. He shifted slightly to place a kiss on your shoulder. And with that, you fell into the deepest slumber, lulled by the beat of his heart against your stomach, pulsing in time with the bond buried in your chest where his head rested. 
~
Sunlight filtered through the window, rousing Azriel from his sleep. It was the deepest, most restful sleep he’s had in years. How you knew he was having a nightmare, he still didn’t know, though the fact that you had one too, the fact that you came to him for comfort and safety—that made his chest ache with pride, and something else. Little did you know how safe you made him feel. 
Azriel sat up, gently pulling your arms off his shoulders. You spent the entire night holding him to your chest, squeezing the broken bits of his soul back together. It had felt like he was anchored right to your heart. How you took his weight on your smaller frame, he also didn’t understand, but he let himself be selfish. He shifted his wings up to block your face from the sun, admiring the softness in your face as you rested. Just like the night before, his shadows gently wove themselves around your hands, your hair. You’re my best friend, you’d said to him. He closed his eyes and replayed that sound over and over in his mind. 
If only you knew how much more he felt. He’d fallen asleep to the rhythmic beat of your heart against his ear. He could still hear it, even now. Pulsing. He put his hand over his own chest and found his heartbeat matching that phantom pulse he heard. Felt. Suddenly, his shadows began weaving their way up from your hair, up an invisible string. Azriel furrowed his brows at the sight, confused. He felt that pulsing grow stronger, still watching his shadows move up. From your chest to his. That pulsing… it wasn’t just the memory he heard, it also wasn’t your current heartbeat, it was—
His shadows finally reached his chest, made their way up around his neck, and whispered.
Mate 
Mate
Mate
Azriel’s eyes widened in shock. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt a snap, deep in his ribs. His heartbeat started racing, only heightening the pulsing he felt in… in the bond.  
He could hardly breathe.
She’s my mate.
You woke then, bringing your hand to your chest, rubbing at the same spot he felt on his end of the bond. Your brows furrowed slightly in worry. “Azriel? What’s the matter?”
He realized you sensed his shock down the bond. Sensed it, and… wasn’t surprised to be receiving it. She knows.
He continued to gape at you, prompting your eyes to widen and to haul yourself up to assess the situation. 
“Az, what is it?”  
Your eyes trailed to his hand on his chest, and you gasped lightly. 
He feels it, you thought. Oh my god. 
“You’re… are you… you’re my mate,” he breathed. You nodded tentatively, unsure if he was happy to hear that confirmation or not. “Is that how you knew?” 
Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Knew what?” 
“About the nightmare,” he said.
You bit your lip nervously, watching him as he studied you. You nodded in confirmation. “I… your dreams, sometimes they… seep into mine. Through the bond.” 
He looked at your hands then, concern replacing the confusion. “Did—did I hurt you?”
“What?”
“In the dream. Were you hurt?” his worry was also seeping through the bond, though you didn’t tell him that.
“No,” you lied, not wanting him to feel guilty. He gently took your hands and inspected them, as if he would find evidence of pain there. You allowed him to see, turning them over, and when he was sure there were no signs of hurt, he met your gaze again. 
“I guess this makes you my dream girl, huh?” he teased. You felt relief at the humour easing the tension, though you rolled your eyes as you huffed a laugh.
“Punny,” was all you could say.
His stare turned serious again. “You knew,” he said. You nodded once again. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. You felt a kernel of hurt down the bond, giving you the courage to speak up.
“I wanted to wait for you, Az.”
You felt relief replacing the hurt, making you briefly close your eyes at the comfortable feeling. He still watched you. “Are you… okay with this?” he asked tentatively. 
“Okay with what?”
“With being mated… to me.” 
“Are you okay with it?” you countered. 
“Yes,” he breathed. That word you’ve been waiting months to hear. You closed your eyes once more and opened up the dam deep inside that you kept tightly sealed, and let the love absolutely pour out of you, and into him.
Azriel gasped at the feeling, his own eyes fluttering shut. When they opened again, there was silver lining them. The love you sent down the bond was making its way back into you, like two waves crashing into each other. You shuddered at the overwhelming love, feeling like you might explode if you didn’t release the emotion. 
You got up on your knees to get closer to him. He watched as you did, wonder in his eyes as he took you in, completely letting his guard down. You held his face in your hands, and he closed his eyes at the sensation. You moved closer to him and threw your arms around his neck. He immediately wrapped his arms around you once more. Like how the two of you held each other through the night; the same but different. Once again, you felt the love for him inside you like a sentient creature. I love him I love him I love him. 
To your eternal relief and delight, to the actualization of your very dreams, you felt the mantra being sung back to you.
I love you too. 
~
taglist: @iimisty-a @feyretopia @cityofidek
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mooncleaver ¡ 11 months
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coming out of the woodworks to realize they've changed smth about the links! 😭 biggest pet peeve is when the post doesn't pop up in-app, but in a browser. off to fix my masterlist again
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFEE 🥹💞
every fic writer has that one person who comments on every chapter and is the reason they write
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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aaah! so sweet and so true to his character. couldn't imagine more of a protective and loving father than az 🥰
Azriel Week Day 6: Theories and Headcannons
"AZRIEL AS A DAD"
I've used 1+1=4 as a reference for these but it's definitely not necessary to read beforehand
Azriel is a doting father of twins, a boy and a girl. Annalise and Mikhail both look exactly like their dad which he proudly gloats about, especially to rile you up
Mikhail has your eyes but that's about it. The rest of him is completely Azriel from his dark hair to his sharp features
His children inherit their father's Shadowsinging abilities which absolutely terrified him at first. He remembers how he had first felt when his shadows had come to him. The poor baby had been so scared, thinking that he had gone crazy and started imagining things
It takes a talking to from Rhys to drive some sense into him. He reminds Azriel that his children do not have the same childhood or father as him my darling:( They have their father by their side to aid them and guide them
From that moment on Azriel takes the responsibility of teaching the two everything about Shadowsingers, their abilities and how to communicate and accept their shadows. While he would certainly train them on the basics and more if they asked, he reminds them again and again that just because they inherited his abilities does not mean they have to follow his footsteps and become spies, and are free to become whatever they want
Azriel is definitely a girl dad. He loves both his children equally and unconditionally (as he reminds them a thousand times a day) But his son is for some reason closer to his mother and the opposite for their daughter
Definitely spoils them rotten. Anything they want from another court or the continent, he goes to get them. His mate admonishes him for it, but he wants his children to have the best of everything there is to offer, wants them to have a childhood that he never got
The cool dad. And come to think of it, the cool uncle as well. Cassian definitely thinks it's him but it's a known secret that all the children adore Azriel. Nyx and Nessian's children, along with his own, come to him when they mess up knowing Uncle Azriel will help them deal with it without any reprimanding.
Nessian and Feysand's daughter along with Anna all come to him with gossips from their schools or other courts. Half of the time Azriel already knows what their talking about( bc of course he does he's the spymaster) but pretends for their sake
The rare times he doesn't know, he spends hours listening to the juicy details of other courts his little girls provide (he's so proud of them for being such good spies, even if unofficially)
Veryyyy protective. And I mean very protective. And not just for Anna. His mate insists of enrolling his son in some school in Velaris, insisting that he must focus on his studies along with training. Even though it is a renowned, respected place Azriel does a background check on all the staff and teachers, ensures it is safe from all threats and then begrudgingly agrees. Any friends that Mikhail makes are vetted thoroughly by him along with their families. He just loves his son so much. He's a piece of Azriel’s heart and he just wants to make sure that he's happy and safe
And don't even get me started on Anna. If Azriel had his way, no boy would ever get even 10 feet close to her. But his mate constantly reminds him that he needs to let her live a little. Not that he's overly possessive or controlling. He vowed the day his children were born that be would be nothing like the Illyrian bastards who tortured their children for their pride. His daughter was free to do whatever she wished and had complete control of her life. He just doesn't think any boy would ever be good enough for her. And if Azriel, the shadowinger and spymaster, torture extraordinaire, wasn't enough Anna also has two doting, protective uncles who are just as bad as Azriel. Good luck to any boy who thinks of asking her out
His children love him just as much as he does them, if not more. While he does start working a lot less when his children are born(not wanting to miss any milestone of theirs) and works mostly from Velaris now, he occasionally goes on missions, like the ones he believe are too dangerous for his spies
So Azriel goes to infiltrate Autumn (because Beron the stubborn asshole is still alive for some godforsaken reason) Rumour was that he had been trying to rally Illyrians and cause unrest, to get them to rebel against Rhysand. While it hadn't been an easy task, Azriel had gotten it done and had almost got home safely. Almost
He gets caught by sentries at the border and slaughters all of them, not before getting shot at by a poisoned arrow. It was mixed with faebane and something more potent that instantly infiltrates his blood flow and numbs his senses. He manages to winnow back to the Night Court but collapses instantly after
His mate and daughter are both a mess. The arrow was very close to his heart which was why the poison spread a lot faster than usual. At one point they didn't think he would make it. His mate was unconsollable, the possibility of losing her mate making her feel like her soul was tearing itself apart. Cassian and Nesta tried to calm her down, while his children grew even more upset at the sight of their mother. Anna cries into her Uncle Rhysand’s arms and Mikhail tries to be strong and hold back tears, if only for his mother and sister’s sake
While Azriel recovers, both of them turn into mother hens, fussing over him and making sure both their parents ate and slept well, the whole ordeal had frayed their mothers nerves as well. Its only when Azriel starts laughing again at Anna's jokes do they reassure themselves that he was truly getting better
That night the family has dinner together, laughing about the stupidest things while his children excitedly catch him up on everything he's missed. When they're done the two refuse to leave and snuggle into the bed with their parents, just like they did when they were children. Azriel sleeps peacefully that night, heart full and content, with mate and his children both in his arms, what more could he want?
@azrielweek2022 @mooncleaver @elegantranchcowboytree @cheshmetkoshgele
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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where do i even begin with this.. oh my god because this just has to be one of the most beautiful things i've ever read.
its so intense. out of all the words i could use to describe this piece, i think that is so fitting because i honestly had to stop reading for a few minutes. like i had to physically leave the premises of my bed to go cool off somewhere. its so overwhelming in the best possible way; i felt every single thing each of the characters were going through and oh did you write them justice and even more. coming back to acotar i didn't expect to get such a goddamn whiplash but i genuinely have tears in my eyes right now.. like the absolute relief im feeling after finishing this story, knowing that rhys and the reader can find comfort in each other, knowing there's one person who knew and believed in him.. like this is bafta grammy golden globes oscars screenplay writer awards type shit like you know?
it was so nice to see the complete shift rhysand's attitude, speech and tone took when he found out the reader just wanted him to see the stars, and when he found out that she was from his court, how he took her arms in his to see the bargaining tattoos. language and imagery used in this was amazing! so supportive of the atmosphere that you were writing; i could feel the moment that glass between them broke.
i can't begin to imagine how special it is to share a starfall with someone. given both their situations; so drastically different in rank and yet, bounded by the same shackles and struggles at the crux. mother.
god and it just kept going! i mean i thought it was already so beautiful that she wanted him to see the stars for starfall, but to know that she did much more to try and give him a fraction of comfort in this hell hole.. like idk about you but that sounds like true love to me 🤨
“Sometimes, so many days pass by where I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, where I can’t even bear the sound of my own name, knowing the way it’ll go down in history. This, this night, your company and your kindness, it makes it feel worth it. That just one person will not hate me, for the rest of my life, makes it feel like it's enough.”
bro i was frozen for 40 minutes straight. and like dude THIS is your writing when you're exhausted? you honestly would outsell each one of the greatest scholars with your eyes closed then.
'how to save a life'? queen YOU SAVED ME!!
all i can say is that this story was plotted out so well. like this was MADE for melancholy and most importantly, hope. nothing was rushed, it kept me at the edge of my toes the entire time reading this. i didn't want this to end, ever. and i was so grateful to know this was a whole 5k words u got me kicking my feet and everything. it's so raw. there's always that teetering feeling like something could go wrong in a split second but you balanced that out with their bond.. like this is REAL literature i fear
many thanks for the absolute liberation i felt after reading this story. i really hope to see more snippets of their friendship and praying to the lord their relationship in the future. this is MY otp
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HOW TO SAVE A LIFE | rhysand
summary; trapped under the mountain, starfall has always been your favourite holiday and you miss it. tonight, this time, you have one opportunity to share it with someone.
word count; 5577
notes; starfall day 3!! but also, go easy on me, I didn't proofread this. it's like midnight here, I am exhausted, let's not judge obvious mistakes 😅 also, please note, this takes place UTM, and references to rhys' SA are alluded to, so read with caution!!
‘how to save a life’ moodboard
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The corridors were utterly silent as you paced up and down. Back and forth, back and forth. Your eyes flickered to the shadows across the floor moving through the open windows, your only way of measuring how much time passed was with the moon’s manipulations. As the shadows encroached closer and closer to the small scuff you’d marked as your limit on the floor, you gave a heavy sigh. 
Your thumb was in your mouth, chewing the nail anxiously, and as that thought came into focus, you removed it, scoffing idly at yourself. You weren’t in trouble. Yet. In fact, you could leave right now, and nobody would have even known it was you, you’d fly right under the radar, as you’d always done, and bring no attention to yourself. 
Who were you kidding? You weren’t going anywhere. Not even as the ceaseless pounding of your heart threatened to crack your ribs, not even as the lingering fear in the back of your mind about what you’d already done to get here made you dizzy. You were waiting it out. 
Your gaze flickered back to the silvery streaks pouring in through the window. 
Time’s almost up.
You finally paused your pacing, staring down at it as darkness crept out of silver, marking your timer. You waited for a second longer, lifting the edge of your dress and poking at it with a scuffed shoe. 
This is it.
You weren’t sure whether it was crushing relief or crushing disappointment weighing you down, that sank your shoulders into a slump that made you feel as though you were holding up the whole world. Shaking out a sigh and loosening your shoulders, that relaxation lasted for only a second, before a dark chuckle emanate from the shadows, and you were whipping around to peer into them. 
You didn’t see him at first, gaping at the darkness until he stepped out, looking every bit like a devil dressed in finery. Purple eyes glowing in the moonlight, the sharp lines of his face like jagged peaks in the dark of the hall, tall and intimidating, with a sinister smirk sat on his lips. 
“You, Little Mouse, are the one who called me here?” Like magic - well, with magic - the letter you’d scrawled in a hurry and slipped under his door mere hours ago appeared between his fingers. Scratchy, torn brown parchment, with other notes and lists and words scribbled out and crossed, reused over and over because it was all you had. 
You steeled your nerves, rolling your shoulders back and tipping your chin up to look at him as he stepped close, close enough to smell the luxurious soap that had your head spinning once again. “I did.”
Your voice only trembled a little as you spoke, and you were proud to get the words out at all. You’d never been afraid of Rhysand, but at this moment, as all that big half-Illyrian warrior and High Lord stood before you, you’d be a fool not to be at least a little intimidated. “For what?” 
He all but purred the words, smirk widening a little more, brows rising at you and his head cocked to the side. 
“A bargain… a fuck… a good look at true power? What could you,” He cast a scornful and slow stare over your body, the torn rags you called a dress, the scuffed and scratched shoes, the messy hair and dirt under your fingernails that made you hide your hands behind your back. “Possibly want from me?”
Your mouth dropped open, words silenced as you tried to work out what to say to him, but his sneer made you second-guess yourself. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe everything you thought was wrong, maybe-
You didn’t get a chance to think any further, before the sound of pounding footsteps and angry voices bouncing off of the stone walls made every decision for you. If you were caught here, lowly and unworthy up in the higher courtrooms of the mountain palace, you’d be flogged for sure. Worse, they’d be sure to get the truth out of you, sure to get the truth of everything you’d done just to get here tonight. 
For that, they’d kill you.
In a spur of boldness that you’d most likely come to regret, your arm shot out, saving him as well as yourself as your nimble fingers wrapped around his muscle-corded forearm. Even through heavy layers of expensive black silk shirts and embroidered blazers, you could feel him tense at the abrupt contact. Dragging him along behind you, you didn’t hesitate, weaving through corridors and pathways, past floor-to-ceiling windows and being sure to remain out of sight. 
He spluttered behind you for the first few seconds, almost enough to pull a smile at your lips with the image of the terrifying Lord of Night spluttering, but your panic was far too high to even entertain that kind of thought right now. He yanked his arm free, a growl on his lips as your fingernails scratched at the soft fabric of his blazer, surely messing up some of the threads, but right now, your adrenaline was too high to be concerned with such trivial fears. 
Everywhere you turned, voices could be hurried; hurried and panicked and frantic. Boots marched, people corralled out of their way, heels tapping and weapons scraping along the floor as they were dragged. A busy, busy night indeed. 
All your fault, a voice taunted in your head, a tendril of regret finally making itself known as you fled. Despite it all, curiosity seemed to have gotten the best of Rhysand, because he was following you, despite your grip no longer being on him. He could have stopped you, even with all that dark power suppressed he would possess enough to freeze every cell in your body to his command with nothing but a wink, and yet, he didn’t. 
His long legs carried him at more of a fast walk to your hurried run behind you, and you jerked with shock when you felt the sharp scratch of an icy talon, then two, then three, scratched down your thick mental barriers. You could feel a ripple of twisted fascination burst from him at encountering any walls at all, at someone who knew how to track and resist a daemati. 
The tall doors at the end of your final corridor beckoned you forward, with intricate designs etched into the front, and thick wood that would hide you both on the other side. You’d already picked the locks, your feet finally slowing down as relief enough to make you almost collapse as you came to a halt before them. Twisting the knob with a prayer that nobody had somehow discovered your plan, locked them again to keep you out, a shaky laugh left you as the door creaked open with just a little pressure. 
Nothing but inky darkness spilt out from inside, and you stepped into it, welcoming its cold embrace and its camouflage, its protection. He followed you in, stepping through with one graceful stride, and your back collapsed onto it to push it closed, a heavy sigh leaving you as your heart rate began to even back out at last. Now, you could barely make out the silhouette of him before you, but you could feel his presence all around, like a weighted blanket closing in. 
His stare was even heavier, you didn’t need to see those violet eyes to feel the depth of them on you.
You smiled anyway, wondering if he could see you through the dark, another gift those lucky High Fae perhaps had that your lowly kind did not. Your steps were rehearsed, pacing across the room, acutely aware of where he was as he followed, just from the buzz of his leaking power on the air, all the way to the window at the far side of the room. Scraping back heavy curtains on either side of clear glass doors, you’d already picked those locks too in preparation. 
Swinging the doors open and stepping out into milky moonlight on the terrace, you took your first real breath of fresh air in weeks, sighing happily at the cold breeze of the early-Spring night.
The curse trapping you both here shimmered before you, barely an inch from the edge of the stone, and you reached out, never touching it, never risking letting it tell of your true location, but hovering your hand before it, feeling the cruel zap in warning of Amarantha’s boundaries. Never to escape, never to leave, trapped here Under The Mountain.
Your peace was shattered by the rough, animal growl of the man behind you, patience audibly fraying.
“Alright, Little Mouse, I’ve played your game. But, you know how it ends when the cat catches the prey, so what do you want?”
Finally, you turned to face him, hands clenching once again behind your back, hoping this time it would hide the tremor as your intentions were finally to be revealed. “I want nothing.”
“Everyone wants something from me. So, what is it?” He stepped a fraction closer, a snarl curling on his lips, ugly power taking over a handsome face.
“Alright, fine.” You mused, stepping a footstep closer to him as well. “What I wanted… was for you to see the sky.”
He visibly faltered, for all the roles he played and the masks he wore, this one slipped for just a second, his eyes widening as though it was a riddle, brows furrowing even deeper, and scowl twisting to a frown of confusion. “Why?”
“Because it is Starfall tonight.”
This time, his mask didn’t just falter, it crumbled entirely, the façade coming crashing down around his feet as his jaw dropped. His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly, gaze flicking over you in an entirely new light now, eyes narrowing to assess you but no malice behind those pretty iris’ now. “You know of Starfall?”
“Of course. It is my favourite holiday.”
An unsteady breath rushed from him, like he’d taken a hit to the lungs, eyes widening as he stared. His shoulders slumped, rigid posture melting away until he looked positively world-weary, arms hanging by his sides. It was then that he wiped a hand over his face, realising a tired laugh, and you wrapped your arms loosely around yourself. 
He didn’t recognise you, of course he didn’t you’d been counting on it for this plan to work. You just didn’t realise how cold and lonely actually having that fact acknowledged would make you feel. Rolling up one tatty sleeve of your dress to reveal swirls of blank ink beginning to climb up your forearm from your wrist, his eyes somehow seemed to widen further.
He took your wrist in his hand, your fingers tightening to a fist as a shocked gasp sounded, his touch like fire and warmth and comfort all in one as he gripped you firmly, but cautiously. Turning your arm over in his hold, he pushed your sleeve all the way up to your bicep, tracing the patterns with one fingertip, touch so light it made you shiver. Your bargain marks, messy and rough and ugly, just like the deals you’d had to strike which resulted in them.
“These… these are bargain marks. These are Night Court marks.” He traced again, thumb swiping over the pulse point on your wrist, feeling the race of it under the pad, before lowering the fabric back down to cover them again, and releasing your arm. “The marks of my court.”
His voice cracked, something within you shattering at the sound of it, and you choked down a well of thick emotion as you thought of home, for the first time in a very long while. One a whisper as broken as his voice had been, you uttered; “Yes.”
Too much weight in his stare, too many memories of a place you missed like a lost lover, too many bargains made here just to survive. 
It was all so horrible. 
“I didn’t know. I had no idea anyone from my court was here.”
There were questions loaded in that sentence. How did you get here? Why are you trapped? Who brought you? What was your reason? You wanted to answer them all, but at first, a single shrug was all that came to mind. It was so overwhelming, not only to be standing here, finally talking to the one person who could understand your longing for home, but to be standing here with your High Lord, someone you’d spent centuries admiring, decades pitying, and months plotting for.
This time, it was he who attempted a smile in comfort. It helped.
“I was travelling at the time. Seeing all of Prythian, and finding work wherever I could to find my adventure.” A horrible feeling you’d spent so long crying over worming its way back in. 
You’d spent so long dreaming of getting away from the Night Court, to explore and see the rest of the continent, of the world, and now it was all you wanted to go back. To stay forever, curled up on the windowsill of a cosy apartment that overlooked the glowing lights of Velaris, close enough to hear the music from the Rainbow and hear the happy voices, watch the snow fall or bluebells sprout. You wanted it so badly it ached.
“At the time of…” You waved a hand, throat stinging as you wrestled with emotion, unable to even say the words of this foul curse aloud, even after centuries, “I was working for the Vanserra’s. No one important, as it had always been for me, but they always bring their own staff to the parties. In case you hadn't noticed, Beron is quite high-maintenance, and Eris is terribly paranoid and suspicious.”
A laugh burst from him, rough and grating and unsteady, like he hadn't used it in so long, but it blossomed something in your chest that you thought had died long ago.
“I was one of the lowly serving staff they brought with them that fateful night, to keep Lady Autumn’s glass filled with wine, so she’d never have to lift a single finger. Unfortunately, that meant that when they were trapped, I was too. All that wish for adventure. I got a little more excitement than I bargained for, I suppose.” 
Silence settled, the story hanging between you like mist on the morning air, your head turning and gaze shifting to the twinkling stars overhead. Several minutes seemed to pass as he processed it all, and decided what to say next, a hand skimming your shoulder lightly, as though hesitant to dare touch you at all. “Why did you never come to me, before tonight?”
The laugh that tumbled from your lips was self-pitying and sad. Running your hands over the tatty skirt you wore, it felt obvious. 
He was, arguably, beside Amarantha, the most important person here. You were nobody. He wore a new suit embellished with gold and silver, you wore a dirty dress that had more patches and sewing than the original fabric. He smelled of fresh soap and aftershave, you smelled of bleach from scrubbing the floors and cinders from the fireplaces. He slept in silk sheets on a big bed, all to himself, you’d been sharing a dormitory for ten years with scratchy bedding and broken mattresses. 
And yet, you wouldn't trade with him for all the riches in the world. Your anonymity was all that protected you.
You were nobody. You meant nothing. But tonight, just tonight, you had the chance to be something.
“To what end? We’re both trapped, you have your role to play, and I have mine.”
His smile was as weak and empty as your laugh was. “It’s been ten years. I could have… I could have don’t something to help, made life easier for you, so that you weren’t so alone.”
There was a pain in his voice, a kind of ongoing struggle you’d come to terms with years ago, but it was like a fresh slice across sensitive skin for him. You reached out, hand hovering lightly over his arm, unsure whether or not it was your place. Then again, it was a barrier you’d already crossed in an adrenaline-fuelled panic. Settling your hand lightly onto his forearm, you squeezed gently, hoping it was as reassuring for him as you intended. 
“I don’t know how-”
“It’s okay, truly.” Your throat bobbed, the informality of this whole situation was surreal, only the chill in the air, wind whistling through rips in threadbare fabric keeping you grounded. “I was never alone, it’s hard ever to be alone around here. It was just lonely.”
He hummed, a non-committal response, and his mind seemed elsewhere. A heavy sigh, and then his head tipped back, eyes moving to watch the motionless stars twinkle in the sky. It wasn’t until the third shaky breath and slight sniff, hands clenching by his side, that you realised he was choking back powerful emotions. For you.
“Please, don’t worry for me, my Lord.” Your hand swept comfortingly, twice, up and down his arms, that fist of that hand smoothed out when your fingers brushed his the pulse on his wrist. Words, hanging on the tip of your tongue, dangerous and risky and presumptive, but it felt like the two of you had far surpassed those kinds of barriers by now. “It looks far lonelier and far more hurtful at the Queen’s side than where I am.”
His head snapped back down, all that anguish temporarily banished from swirling violet eyes as he studied you once again. It was like a thousand thoughts flashing through his mind too fast for you to read in his eyes. Your lungs were frozen, burning for air but unable to take any oxygen in, eyes wide and body locked as you waited. He was putting something together, he knew, his lips pressing into a thin line and you didn’t know whether this would flip it all over wrongly. 
His head cocked to the side, licking over one lip, before the edges of his lips were flickering at the edges, just slightly. 
“It was you.”
“What was me?” You’d always been a bad liar, gaze flicking away from his and it was your turn now to let the stars distract you. A talon, scraping at your mental shields again, a warning that he could if he wanted to, break through and you’d never even know. Instead, a single finger hooked under your chin, turning your face back to him. 
“It was you. You, who suddenly unearthed this mysterious prophecy about the human girl breaking the curse. You, who has Amarantha on such a wild goose chase that she has no time for… me. At least, not for a while.” He looked awed now, a reassured expression, and his hand slipped from your chin up, to cup your face. Your throat was tight, painfully so, the simple bit of affection making your eyes water and the truth poured from you in a nod. “You were so scared in the halls, pacing and fretting before I even got there. Your fear was heavy in the air. When you heard the voices and the footfalls, you fled. It was you.”
“It was me.” His breath raced from him, lips parted, and you raised your own hand. Holding his to your face, you stole a few selfish seconds, head tipping further into his palm as his thumb swept over your cheekbone; a few sacred moments of comfort. “Buying you a few hours to yourself on this night was the least I could do, my Lord. You may not have known I was here, but some of your actions, the small mercies you disguise as cruelties, have done more for me than you could ever know.”
“Call me Rhysand. Please.” He was fighting tears, much the same as you were, and his other hand joined the first, holding your face up to his own as he stepped a little closer. The warmth from his body was like a magnet you, swayed toward him, the moonlight glowing on his skin like it was made to decorate him and him alone. “At least… at least, when we’re alone. I don’t want to be anything but myself with you. You see me. You’re the only person down here who does..”
You didn’t have to force a smile anymore. It was the first one that felt honestly genuine in years. His thumbs swept a couple more times, before his arms were shaking with restraint, and he pulled them away. Silence settled around you both. With one more glance at the stars, your arms wrapped around yourself, and you turned back to him. “Enjoy the stars, Rhysand.”
There would be nothing to see, no falling stars and souls finding their way. But, just knowing that it was happening out there, watching these ones stay still and twinkle gently, it was enough to feel connected to home, just for a little while. Stepping away from him, the loneliness creeping back up already felt suffocating, like ice water ready to drag you into the darkness and the depths. 
His hand shot out, fingers wrapping around your own, firm but gentle, insistent but pleading. “Please- please, don’t go. Stay with me. Spend Starfall with me?”
It was an offer like you could only dream of, to spend Starfall with someone else once again, someone who knew. You had no idea how to say yes, mouth hanging open, but he seemed to get the gist, lips curling into a real smile now. Not the cruel grin he wore every day, not the cocky smirk. This was real, this was beauty and emotions and trust. 
“Yes?”
“Yes. I would like that.” This opportunity could never happen again, and so you weren’t going to let it just fly past like a misguided star. He tugged you back a little closer, letting your hand go when you fell into place by his side, and his body dropped any remaining tension. He rested his hands on the railing, cautious not to touch that barrier of the curse, and tapping the space beside him for you to join. 
You did, the two of you staring out quietly at the vast lands, the bright skies, the empty space; nobody ever dared near the centre of the horrid curse killing the lands.
“I miss the grass.”
“I have a friend… a brother, who has terrible allergies. Even a speck of pollen, and he’s sneezing and eyes running.” A wistful look took over his features, amusement and nostalgia crackling under the surface. “It’s quite the sight to see a warlord sneeze and curse at a flower.”
Your mind followed, reeling a little as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. “General Cassian… has hay fever?”
“Don’t tell him I told you, he’d string me up by my boxers from the pillars of the moonstone palace.” The sounds of your laughter bounced off of the stony sides of the mountain, echoes disappearing into the tonight, mixed with his deep chuckles. A kind of harmony formed, peace, a small bubble of a happy memory like a light amongst so much darkness. You’d look back on this moment for years, possibly decades to come, relishing in the way it felt to smile again, to have companionship and real happiness, even if it didn’t last long. “I miss the smell of the Sidra just after it rains.”
“I miss watching the snow fall at Solstice.”
“I miss the way it would feel after the snow melted, that first truly warm day.”
It somehow became a game, swapping back and forth, each thing you missed. Some were funny, others nostalgic, some were his royal experiences that made his cheeks heat and sweet chuckles leave his lips when you teased him, others had the same experience on you. 
The conversation shifted, he asked you all about your travels, told you of his favourite places he’d seen in different courts, and asked you if you’d ever been there. He told you stories about all of his adventures, as you did for him, watching the moon slowly inching its way across the dark sky as you confided in one another, all your deepest pain and joy and excitement. He told you about his friends, the shadow singer, the general, the terrifying creature from another world. He was so passionate, he loved so deeply, that by the time he’d finished, you felt as though you knew them too, like you loved them too.
Then, when your cheeks ached and your stomach was sore from all the laughing, when every happy memory had been shared, reality set back in once again. 
“I miss home.”
“Me too.” With your simple response, his gaze fixed once again above your heads, so far away and yet you longed to be there.
“It's- it’s just so godsdamned nice, that just one person knows I’m not a villain.” His words startled you, a fresh batch of pain, something deep and primal exposed like an open wound right to the heart. When you turned to face him, he was staring at the stars, but soft trails of moonlight trickled in fat tears down his cheeks. “Sometimes, so many days pass by where I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, where I can’t even bear the sound of my own name, knowing the way it’ll go down in history. This, this night, your company and your kindness, it makes it feel worth it. That just one person will not hate me, for the rest of my life, makes it feel like it's enough.”
When he finally faced you, wet cheeks and red eyes and exposed vulnerability, you gave him the same comfort he’d given you. With hands on his cheeks to wipe away those tears, you gave your best smile, letting his head hang heavily in your palms for a while. “You’ll never be the villain in my story, Rhysand.”
His lip wobbled, and he twisted his head, lips brushing your palm as he pressed a series of fragile, trembling kisses there. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Your shiver wasn’t from the cold, but from his blatant affection. At the act, however, his pained look became dismayed, glancing over your thin attire with disappointment. He stood, reluctantly peeling your hands from his face long enough to slide down the large blazer he wore, and slipping it over your shoulders. When he pulled the lapels tightly around your body, the plush lining, still filled with his body heat, was like wrapping up in front of the fireplace, on the very rare occasions you could steal a minute to do so. 
With a roll of his shoulders, those magnificent wings you’d only ever seen from afar were visible, appearing before your very eyes as though from thin air, as though they’d always been there, only veiled, and you stared unabashedly in amazement. 
Stepping closer, until you were so close your breath bounced off of his chest and you could pick out the threads in his shirt, he wrapped them around you, sealing out cold wind and the rest of the world. 
“Better?”
“Better.” You whispered, and his resulting look of pride warmed you as much from the inside as he did from the outside. After only a brief moment of consideration, you freed one arm, looping it slowly around his waist. When he only tugged you closer, your other arm joined it. Settling your cheek against his shoulder, he moulded his body to your arm, thick arms wrapping around your body in return, sealing you to him in a hug neither of you intended to let go from any time soon. 
His lips traced the top of your head as he turned, a few kisses dotted affectionately along your hairline, drawing happy sighs from you each time. When his head dipped a little further, lips near your temple, it was to quietly murmur, “Would you like to see the stars falling?”
You pulled back, barely a fraction as he refused to let you go at all, but enough to stare up at him. “How?”
“I still have a little of my powers, such as hiding these magnificent wings.” His smirk was positively feline, the nosey Lord having pulled that tidbit from your mind, and warmth raced to your cheeks. “I can show you some of my memories from previous years, if you trust me?”
Another tap of claws on your walls, a soft stroke like a finger over your skin, and you lowered your shields slowly to allow him inside. As soon as you did, you could feel him everywhere. Swarming in your thoughts, filling your head like you were both in there, and giving as much of his feelings away as it did yours. You could feel the relief at knowing someone else’s touch, that lingering guilt for not having known you but the borderline bliss at being here right now. The elation, at being trusted. The joy of having someone to share home with. 
Your eyes fluttered closed on his command, as he began to play the memories over.
Glimpses of parties, of stars and fireworks and sequins and fancy dresses. Twirling and dancing, intoxicated fun, and when you saw Azriel or Cassian or Mor, you felt his love for them like you’d feel your own. It was like seeing it through your own eyes. In this memory, he was making his way through the palace, the House of Wind atop the mountain. 
You’d seen drawings and pictures, of course, glimpsed it from afar on clear days, but nothing had ever compared to these real images of seeing the palace home. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Tall pillars and columns made of marble and moonstone, carved and designed with intricate swirls and stories. Open balconies, large rooms, enough space that it would take you days to learn your way around, and that was just the small glimpses of it you could see now. 
Eventually, he made it to the balcony, one hand braced on the stone as he stared out across Velaris down below, so far and tiny and beautiful, a vibrant ache in your heart as you longed to be back there, one that matched in his own through the connection you’d forged. 
You watched on, as his attention turned to the sky, to the falling stars, glittery and soaring and so close. So colourful up close, you’d never seen such a sight, like being immersed within the colour, becoming a part of nature temporarily, leaving you breathless and high on the feeling. 
You watched and watched, as he once had, what felt like hours slipping by until it came to an end, and your cheeks felt wet when you finally felt him pull back from your mind. Not entirely, no, a piece of him was still lingering there behind your consciousness, a comforting weight, but your senses were all back, like your spirit had sunk back into your body.
“Thank you for showing me that.”
“Incredible, isn’t it?” 
“That stars,” you breathed, “I’ve never seen it so clearly. They were so close, like you could just reach out and touch them.”
He wiped away your tears with one arm, the other still sealed tightly around you, soon to be rejoined. “You can, and when we get out of here someday, I’ll show it to you. I’ll show you so much, give you so much.”
There was nothing else to say, no more words that could fathom this feeling. But, you didn’t need them. You knew that he knew, his presence in your mind was sure to trace it. So, instead, you just snuggled in closer, cheek on his shoulder once again, and eyes sliding closed as you let yourself sink fully into his embrace. 
He needed this as much as you did, a two-way street now opened between your minds, and a selfish part of you hoped he never took it away, that even when you were alone, you’d never be lonely again. That fraction of darkness in your mind flickered, as if making a promise.
“Why? Why did you do this for me?” He eventually asked, the question that had been hovering all night. “When I have done nothing for you?”
“Because, Rhysand, I have seen you from afar. You’ve seemed so empty, lately. I wanted to give you something to remind you to hold on.”
He’s breathless, you could feel it under your own thudding heart as his pulse raced and he panted softly into your hairline, trying to settle. “Someday, I’ll take you home. Back to Velaris, where we belong. I’ll make up for everything you’ve had to go through. You’ll never want for anything, you’ll never be alone again. But, while we’re still here, I’ll make up for these ten years I’ve missed already. What can I do, what do you want first?”
“Those are beautiful promises, Rhysand, and I appreciate them, but I don’t need them. All I want, all I need, is a friend. To not be so alone.”
“Never again, darling. Never again, will I let you be alone. It’s me and you, now.” He squeezed you in, another kiss to the top of your head, and you pressed into it, leaving a single kiss to his jaw in return. “Happy Starfall, darling.”
“Happy Starfall, Rhysand.”
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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What Does Your Heart Tell You?
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what does a na'vi healer and a sky person have in common? well only that eywa brought them together to find peace and love within each other's arms. and maybe because they have the same, stubborn and strong-willed heart
჌  pairing: jake sully x fem!na'vi!reader
჌  warnings: me being lovesick MOTHER I LOVE THAT MAN!, denial, like a whole dumptruck of writing errors
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Jake Sully's arrival into the Omaticaya clan had been both a blessing a curse.
Well, you were more inclined to believe it had been a blessing in comparison to the other Na'vi of your clan, who would not hesitate to bare their teeth at the 'demon'. Perhaps it was just you among select few Na'vi—those select few being.. innocent children whose curiosity knows no bounds—who had thought his arrival was what Eywa intended it to be. And somewhere inside your heart you knew letting him in was the right choice, but the other was telling you of a great storm brewing upon pandora.
You could feel it through the restless Ikran, how their screeches and squawks echoed just a little louder and how their wings would bristle at the slightest sound. Through the Pa'li's stomps from their hooves that would shake the ground with an unspoken force, or through the Syaksyuk who would retreat to the canopies with hurried steps. Though, you tried to push the shadow looming over your head away, focusing on the buzzing present with the new sky person stumbling into your home.
It was quite the surprise when your good friend Neytiri brought a sky person to your clan. From where you were all gathered you couldn't see his face clearly and yet, you could tell he wasn't one of you.
By the way he was dressed, the way he was moving; the shakiness of his steps as if his tail was knotting on his feet, and from the way he speaks. The moment he opened that mouth of his, you winced at how.. foreign, it was. Not in a sense that you didn't understand, no, but in his manner; the way he has yet to learn about the culture of the Na'vi and just how dangerous he was in the eyes of your people. He would have surely already been dead at the hands of Tsu'tey if it were not for Eywa speaking and Neytiri defending him.
When the princess protested about being his teacher, a part of you resonated with her. How is it to feel like you’re taking care of a toddler, one who is just learning how to walk and speak, only taking its first steps and yet.. whines so much. But the other part of your soaring heart which you tried to silence for your own sake was painfully intrigued by him; JakeSully, he called himself. There was something about him, something that shined past his foolish behavior that made your heart beat louder in your ears. Some fascinating thing that made your tail swish in anticipation.
Sensing an end to the abrupt meeting you had looked up, trying to catch a fleeting glimpse of the sky person and you were just as surprised as said sky person to see him staring back, something uncannily familiar clicking inside of you. Though it was gone the moment you looked away, ready to go back to the comfort your home, heart still beating wildly at the galvanizing exchange. You hoped you could see him again. In.. better circumstances.
It seems that your hopes were answered because you in fact, did, see JakeSully after that brief glance. Really it wasn't anything official. You would see him in passing when he would try to make tsaheylu with his pa'li—wincing yet again when he would fall off it—or sometimes when Neytiri would teach him to use a bow before actually venturing in Pandora's forest to find prey. Not only that, but after the chief's daughter's very.. demanding training, Jake would often find himself seeking for aid to bandage up some of his wounds. They weren't too bad really, just minor cuts and bruises that decorated his skin, or red marks from wrongly gripping his wooden bow.
And that was where you came in. After Ngeha had stepped back as the head healer for the clan—a well deserved retirement, bless that woman for carrying the weight of all the injured Na'vi over the last decades—she had appointed you, her assistant you could call it, as the new head healer. It was such an honor to finally step onto the trail she has left behind, to help the Na'vi when they needed. It felt good to be able to heal and to bring something life; you were so sure that it was your true purpose.
So it really was like fate when you met JakeSully that day he was back from his earlier days of training. He came in nastily battered (most coming from the dirt on his face, actually), some cuts and scrapes here and there. Nothing you couldn't help him with. Fortunately for him, he had one of the best healers in the clan at his service.
You remember the first time he entered the spacious hut of your workplace. It smelt earthy, like a concoction of the most potent herbs creating a mossy wood scent, hints of fresh petrichor and a sprinkle of something floral and oriental that would fly away in whiffs if one were to get close. It was marvelously calming, like the place and what was inside an extension of the forest itself. He was carefully trying to enter, calling out a distinctive and deep 'hello?' to catch someones attention.
Your ears had perked up the moment his voice echoed in your infirmary and when you revealed yourself to him, you were met with one of the funniest sights you have seen in a while. He was covered with thick, goopy mud, dragging down from his hairline to his feet, digging into his skin as if it was trying to seep in. He was attempting to shake some of it off and sadly failing at doing so.
Your silently echoing footsteps had snapped him out of his stupor and prompted him to find its source, irises raking your figure from bottom to top; you felt a wave of shivers running down the length of your spine.
‘I see you.’ he finally seemed to get out of whatever daze he was in, showing you a gesture he had been taught by Neytiri. He was looking at you carefully, scared that he might get his ass handed to him again if he made one wrong move. And at that point you had wanted to say something about that,—about how you were not going to spike his head where he stood—but you quickly went into healer-mode when you saw a small spurt of blood sprinting down from a cut wound on his left bicep.
Swiftly, you walked up to him, your eyes trained only to the expanse of his body, scanning for other injuries he might have. You reached a hesitant hand out, slowly lifting the inside of his arm so you could take a closer look at it, tracing an absent-minded finger on the rim of the cut while you observed the rest of him. Jake's heartbeat had increased a lot by then, but you didn't need to know that.
God you were beautiful. When he caught a glimpse of you during his trial with the olo'eyktan and the tsahik, he was fatally hooked from the start. You had skin of the most prussian blue, small spots glittering vividly under the Hometree and almost-indigo stripes adorning your body. You had hair just as voluminous as the rest of the Na'vi, lustrous under the periwinkle sheen, swishing wildly along the movements of your lithe body. A part of it was put back in braids, a myriad of distinctive Omaticayan beads embellishing each strand, running down as it sang with every motion.
Clueless to his silent but blazing admiration, you nudged your head at him, urging him to follow you to sit down so you could treat his wounds.
He was like a scared cat, you decided. Ears snapping up with the smallest movements and eyes taking in the place like he'd never seen such a thing before. He probably thought if he stepped on the wrong thing he'd be absolutely obliterated. Much to his relief, you had left him to his own devices to prepare the salve, herbs and bandages to treat his wounds. To be honest, you really were quite curious about the new-comer. Though an outsider would always pose a threat to the clan, especially if they were a sky person, he seemed to be innocent enough. Clueless perhaps, but not naive. But despite that, you wanted to get to know him. To get a taste of the world outside Pandora.
"So uh.. what's your name?" He had asked, situated on the plush mattress woven with threads of terra-cotta, moss and ochre, acting in an (admittedly) cute and confused demeanor.
This was your first time seeing a sky person face to face since Grace Augustine opened her school, and what would be better than to have a little fun?
You stared at him strangely, tilting your head to the side with wide, innocent eyes; feigning confusion. It was quiet for a moment, Jake waiting for your answer and you observing what he would do under the weight of the atmosphere, trying your best to hold in the laugh at the perturbed looking sky person turned avatar in front of you.
Finally, after a long awkward silence, he muttered a small 'shit, sorry' under his breathe, now realizing that you probably weren't too familiar with English, nor did you understand his question. It was rather cute to see him stumble over his own actions. The sky walker with no fear in his heart—with the same heart that was just as kind.
"Tstxo.. nga tstxo?" He stuttered, his sable brows furrowing in deep concentration, the folds on his azure skin growing more visible the harder he tried. You could tell he had very minimal exposure to the Na'vi language unlike the other avatars you'd met, but he wasn't totally wrong. There was quite a lot of space for improvement here and there, but at least he tried and that was what mattered to you.
(Name.. you name?)
You couldn't help the small laugh that bubbled up in your throat, finally breaking your facade. He sounded very funny. To at least save him the humiliation, you covered your mouth with your hands, looking away just in time for him to snap his gaze up at your direction, wide-eyed like a doe as if your voice had put him in a daze.
And maybe it did. Jake thought it was the cutest thing he's ever heard. Though he'd never say it aloud, it would be something that echoes safely in the corners of his heart, softly swelling at the melody despite not knowing why you were laughing in the first place.
"Neytiri is right. You are like a baby." Your voice was just as soft as it was striking. Your English was good, save for the slivers of inflections in it and your accent ever present.
At that point Jake had never been more relieved in his entire life. "You speak English?"
He really did look like a child. The excitement showing in his eyes could rival even the sun, glowing even brighter as more of his canines showed with how wide he was smiling; he was really, really cute.
You eagerly nodded in reply, chuckling lightly to yourself as your held a wooden bowl in your hands, walking towards where he was sitting with his head tilted up with wonder.
"You are surprised?"
The avatar paused shortly when you finally sat in front of his face, holding his cut arm with the utmost care. "I mean, yeah,"
"Pretty surprised when there's only one Na'vi willing to talk to ya'." And Jake reveled deeply in the laugh you gave him. The laugh that he caused. He was pretty damn proud of himself.
"The children like you." You'd just finished cleaning the dirt and blood with a washcloth, the yellow-ish salve you were smoothing on his skin feeling strangely cooling on the inflamed cut. Ha. You could say that. The children only looked at him like a toy; a circus attraction. Though, he appreciated that they didn't whisper behind him or give him scathing looks. At least they were nice while they tugged on his tail and his ears.
You saw the resigned shake of his head as he looked down on the mattress, lips upturned in the smallest degree. With your nimble fingers, you gave him the slightest caress, flattening the cotton bandage over his bicep, hoping to offer him the merest hint of comfort. Even if you couldn't communicate with him all that well, you tried to show him that you accepted him as he was, to show that he did belong here in one way or another. If Eywa brought him here, then it didn't matter if he was a sky person in a Na'vi body, what mattered was his purpose, and the last thing you would do is to question the mother of life herself. "Tomorrow will be better than today. Have trust, JakeSully."
He doubted your words were true. His future wasn't looking so bright.. but there was something in your expression that made him pretty hopeful, like you actually believed in him. And maybe just so he didn't disappoint you he'd look forward another day in the Omaticaya clan, even if it meant being called a skzawng a hundred times.
"y/n."
"Sorry?" The dream walker looked up confused. Again. It seems like he's been stuck in this expression since he got out of that cryopod.
There it was again, the gentle smile he liked so much. "My name. You asked for it." You answered him, patient and calm in your demeanor.
He repeated your words, testing the sound in his voice. It was not too far off the pronunciation of your name, maybe a slight accent here and there but once he got it right it was like he was relishing the feel of your name rolling off his tongue, smiling when you nodded in satisfaction.
Much to your (and his) delight, the rest of the afternoon was spent talking to each other, opening up about your role in the clan, his role as an avatar driver and what's been happening in Omaticaya lately—both from yours and Jake's perspective. He had thanked you after you finished healing and cleaning his cuts for being so kind to him. Even when he was trying to find somebody to patch his ass up he was struggling to even find where the infirmary was located, most of the clan avoiding him like a plague, only getting an answer out of a slightly annoyed Na'vi female who pointed at your hut's direction.
Maybe you were enjoying this a little too much; you were too carried away to even think about the setting sun. So when it was time to join the rest of the clan for dinner after another successful hunt, there was still so much to talk about, so much that was left resting on the tip of your tongue, barely holding onto its last rope.
That was the start of your unlikely friendship with a sky person, of how you find peace and comfort within someone so different. It was something you'd never thought you'd be involved in ever since the tragedy that was Grace's school.
The days had gone by too fast, Pandora's sun and moon blending into burst of violet and orange too fast for your eyes to even admire. Your steadfast friendship with JakeSully became one of the things you would look up to when you woke up with the horizon, the guileless excitement in your heart returning after years of what felt like a missing piece inside of you. Now it's not that living in your beloved clan was numbing and repetitive, but it felt good to finally see something new, something foreign; it's what you've longed to experience for the past years you have lived your life.
Jake had been frequently visiting your snug hut whenever he wanted to talk to you. Sometimes, he actually came with wounds and bruises that needed to be treated but other times he lacked any of the mentioned above. You noticed it. He knows about it. But neither of you dared to comment on it in fear of ruining the serene bubble the two of you were in, so fragile as if one were to say a single word filled with the brutal reality of your two differently alike worlds it would pop like a balloon.
There was one time when it had only been a mere week of the avatar coming into your hut for his very apparent struggles in learning the ways of the Na'vi, when the two of you were yet to fully trust each other and were still touching the waters that guarded each other's hearts.
Jake had a nasty burn on his palm resulting from his excessive misuse of the wooden bow as well as from his attempts to become more agile while moving in the trees; a missed step causing him to slip off a large branch. He came in with a sheepish smile on his face like he was embarrassed to be here yet again, but you never made fun of him for it or used cruel words to tease him at his own expense. You were always there with open arms, though a frown would always make its way on your face when you saw how hurt he was.
"Something is wrong, JakeSully?" You asked just as you were done with wrapping his palms, relishing the quiet evening when you saw the far-away frown he had on his face, like he was contemplating something in his mind with every inch of his brain.
His response wan't as fast and quipped as it usually was and it worried you quiet a bit. Though, he tried to reassure you with a small, unconvincing smile on his face. "You could say that."
"I am a good listener, you know." There it was. Your little attempt to see into his hearts.
Jake seemed to be surprised that you would invite him to spill all of his turmoil onto you. No one has really been there for him to ask him that, and here you were, a Na'vi healer who he'd only known for less than a weeks time, willing to listen to him without judgment. "Just got some troubles of the minds, nothing your pretty head should worry about."
"Troubles of the mind' was a euphemism for the chaos going on in Jake's head.
One one hand, he'd been relaying information about Omaticaya and the Na'vi people to Selfridge and Quaritch, feeling like he accomplished something at last. But then.. then there was you. You and the rest of the clan. Pandora.
He had finally begun to find his place within Omaticaya, creating bonds and new friendships. It was something he came to find that he wouldn't trade for anything else in the world; the chance to experience what it was like to live with freedom, to feel the wind blowing on his face and the ground grazing his feet as he ran through the forests of Pandora. The chance to learn how to see, as Neytiri told him before. If he were to continue to tell shit about the Na'vi to his higher ups, there would be no doubt that the RDA would come in hot with guns blazing, ready to do whatever it took to destroy their homes and take what they want. Then he'd lose you. But if he stopped doing that then he'd probably be booted out of the avatar program in a second. He had no real skill to offer, not like his brother Tommy who was the actual scientists that trained exactly for this opportunity. If he was out then he'd never see Pandora or you again.
Either way it was a lose-lose situation for Jake.
It was silent for a while and you let him sit there with that look in his eyes again, the minuscule downturn on his eyebrows the only telling thing about what was really going on inside his head. You wanted to pry but it didn't feel like it was your place to. He was, to an extent, still an outsider and no matter the connection you felt with him in your heart, it was best to keep a distance before you did something regretful.
"I might not understand, but I can give you this." The least you could do was try to offer him even the smallest bit of comfort. You wouldn't overstep his boundaries and if he didn't want to speak to you about what was troubling his mind then you'd let him be. Even if it had changed nothing in him, at least you could show him there was still a light on the end of the tunnel, and that was enough for you to know that he understood you were there for him in one way or another.
With good intentions, you carefully placed a finger on the left of his chest, slowly flattening the palm of your hand when he made no move to remove it. "Listen here JakeSully." Slowly, you felt the muffled beating on his chest, the inconsistent up and down of his breaths beneath your hand. "Listen to your heart. What it tells you, what it beats for."
And when you looked up to meet his eyes it felt as if the world had shifted, a strike of lighting straight into your irises. It was electrifying. He was electrifying. When you first exchanged looks with each other it was nothing than a mere glance, the seed of your now blooming flower. But now it felt like he was seeing into your soul, like your heart was laid bare right in front of him.
"Do you hear her?" Nothing but a mere whisper from your lips in the silence of the night. Beneath you his heart beat wildly until it slowed down into a calm pace, becoming one with Pandora's own heart as his emotions stirred like the gleaming milky way.
"Hear who?" His response came delayed, too busy with staring into your brilliant ochre eyes.
"Eywa Jake, the great mother of all. She lives inside of us and all around us. Feel her inside your soul, feel her heart beat along yours; her whispers, her songs and her fates. What does she tell you, Jake?"
Stay. That's what he wanted to say—what he should have said. Eywa, his heart, his entire being is telling him to stay here, in Pandora, to become one with the Na'vi just like the rest of you. To stay for you, because all those times where his heart would thud painfully loud in his chest, when his thoughts would run whizzing past his head like a raging comet he would always find peace in you. Your beauty, your grace, your smile and your laughter. And they were right about Pandora. How this planet was so beautiful and luscious that you would easily fall in love with it. But also dangerous, that love turning into death very quickly. Of all the marvelous flora and fauna that kindled the gratifying glow at night, alive with an unfeigned heartbeat, there was you; like a magnet pulling him wherever you went despite his brain saying otherwise. You made him want to stay in a dance of death with Pandora.
It was new to you, the feeling of love. Perhaps at the beginning you simply defined it as fondness, that you appreciated his company and that was all. But the more you spent time with him, the more you really started looking at him. Started admiring the vivid light in his eyes when he would smile, his baritone laughter that made you close your eyes to savor the feeling once more, or his humor; the way he was able to make such a dire situation into something the two of you could laugh about, even as far as making it your own inside joke, nudging each other on the elbows during dinner or when you would drag him to watch over the Hallelujah mountains.
Maybe it was weird and unconventional even, for the Omaticaya people to see you be so.. in love with a demon. But you had gone long past those views, giving your trust and your heart away the moment JakeSully showed you how much he tries. How much he's willing to fall and fall all over again to be able to ride his pa'li, how battered and grazed he's willing to be just so he could properly use a hunting bow and fly his ikran. And most importantly, how much he tried to befriend you, to learn your likes and dislikes, your favorite fruits and your least, your hobbies and habits. Now that was something you could admire about a man. Despite how many times he fails, he still gets up with a smile on his face.
And that was perfect to you. He was perfect to you.
So when you were finally confronted with the prospect of the man you've come to love returning your feelings, you couldn't help but step back from the rose tinted glasses you wore over your eyes, suddenly realizing that maybe.. maybe the two of you were not meant to be like you thought. He was from a different world and while yes, he was to be accepted into the clan soon, you were compelled think he was fated for something greater. For someone greater.
Eywa brought him here for a reason, and you doubt it was just to adapt and become apart of the Omaticaya. Something was looming over the whole of Pandora and you couldn't help but worry about the fickle future.
You heard him before he even said hello, the familiar thumping of his footsteps like a melody that's been ingrained into your mind. When he was finally in your vicinity, you kept your back faced towards him, occupying yourself with cutting up some of the fresh healing herbs you had gathered the day before on your venture to the forest, your fingers moving a hundred miles per minute while your thoughts were filled with him and him only.
"If you want to complain about being called skzawng, I suggest you tell Neytiri yourself. She is always looking for a good fight, you know?" The words made it out of your lips so easily as if they were practiced a thousand times. But Jake made it easy for you to talk and joke around.
The avatar chuckled at your tease, now used to your jabs. He made his way right behind you, strutting in like he owned the place but still careful not to knock anything over again—he had enough experience with your scolding to last a lifetime. "Not here to bore you with my jabber, unfortunately."
Well if he wasn't here to talk his mind off about his teacher or the Na'vi culture then the only other option was that he got injured. Of course.
"You are hurt?" Your head moved like you'd gotten a whiplash, mind instantly racing with whatever in Eywa's name Jake could have gotten himself into. In a second you were met with his smiling face, already scanning his entire body for wounds, moving his arms and his braided queue out the way so you didn't miss a spot. Jake didn't hesitate to slither his tail on your leg, almost tripping you as you made your inspection. You only glared back playfully, baring your teeth while your eyes shined in visible mirth.
"Nah, I just wanted to talk to the resident pretty lady."
Your heart skipped a beat.
Maybe if he had said something like this before, you would have taken in with a lovely smile on your face, complimenting him—or rather jabbing at him—right back. That's what you always did. But not now.
Not now when he would soon become a man before Eywa, to be apart of Omaticaya as its own. To share happiness, grief, prayers, fiesta and celebrations together with the rest of the clan. Not now when he could finally choose a woman and you wanted so badly to be her. You don't think you've ever been so in love with someone else and it would break you; tear you apart piece by piece if you let your heart drive you into his arms, if you let yourself be hurt when he decided he didn't want you.
"You can not say things like that JakeSully." The bright grin you had on your face was quickly wiped off while you slowly retreated your form from him, eyes suddenly not able to look into his like you always did.
To say Jake was shocked would be an understatement. He had never seen you so downturned, so sad all of a sudden when you were smiling just a while ago. He was used to subtly complimenting you; it was like his second nature. He didn't understand why this time it had been so different. There was a flash of pain crossing your eyes before you turned away from him and oh did that make his heart wince. He never wanted to see that expression on your beautiful face again. Jake could either get slapped out of his goddamn body or be hugged as if it was the last time you'd ever touch somebody for what he was about to say. "Why not? Can't I speak my heart out to the woman I love?"
And he could have meant it in any way. Platonic, familial, but the way he said it so seriously, as if he's never been so sure about anything else made you think it was truly from the depth of his love-ridden heart, speaking out to you romantically as a man does to a woman.
Lately he had been so bold with his words. As if one sweet phrase coming out from his lips wouldn't set your entire being on fire, as if every time you felt his breathe on the shell of your ears while he talked about how good and kind you were to him didn't kill you inside every time. And you would not let him ruin you like that. Whether he was sincere with his intentions or not.. you took love very seriously.
And if.. what if he didn't want you anymore in a few couple decades after now? You didn't know a whole lot about human culture but you were aware that it was quite different from your own. Though you loved him entirely, you didn't want Jake to regret anything.
"You-"
"Hey," he gently put his hand on your shoulder and you shrugged it off, like his touch was fire spreading sparks all over your skin. No, you will not yield to his honeyed one. You'd be damned if you turned back to see him looking at you with those half-lidded eyes again, the way they were dripping with barely concealed affection, as if he had genuinely never seen something so entirely captivating in his existence.
"What's wrong?"
You shook your head at the floor, chuckling sadly like it was a joke. Like you were really hoping for it to be true. Everything was wrong. What felt like a dazzling path laid right in front of you fell right into ruins, along the rubble and dust your heart with it.
You only looked at him again when you'd gathered enough courage to face the bane of your existence and the object of your affection, trying to speak firmly while you ignored the way your words would waver. "When you choose a woman you will be mated to her forever. You understand? Forever." The last word was emphasized greatly as you pointed your finger at him.
"Yeah, and I want you." Jake didn't even hesitate to say those words. If you were stunned before, then you were absolutely taken aback by his tone. He just kept surprising you again and again with his certainty; the confidence in him unshakable.
He paced towards you slowly, trying to be calm so you wouldn't run away or god forbid hate him for what he was about to do. You drew back as much as you could until your back hit a wall, your breathes on edge and your eyes moving wildly. He stopped in his place for a moment, letting you clear your head and relieve your heart of its tumult. One and two quiet breathes later he brought his hands up to your face, brushing away the loose tresses of hair that fell beside your face, his knuckles caressing the apple of your cheek, just beneath your waterline where he could feel your eyelashes barely warming his skin. You fell weak against the will of your own love and you followed his movements, chasing the warmth of his palms while you leaned your head against it.
As though time had started ticking again Jake help your other arm, taking it in front if him and laying your hand over his heart; the same way you had done when you told him to open his eyes to Eywa. He encased your smaller hands beneath his own, the warmth spreading from the tip of your fingers to your head and toes, finally feeling at peace, like you were always meant to be together, embraced beneath the luster of a thousand stars.
"This right here? This is what I'm listening to right now. Just like you told me to. It's telling me to choose you, and I've never wanted anyone more."
And when you stared straight into his eyes to see no malice or lies, you surged forward to capture him in a searing kiss, slowly tuning out the sounds of Pandora while you savored the taste of him. When you leaned onto him in his moment of hesitation, he threaded his hands into your hair, tiling the back of your head up so he could feel all of you. You took his breathe away so many times, punching the air right out of his lungs and he would die all over again just to get a taste of you. Now, Jake was so sure you were the only one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Being with you made him feel like he had everything—more than he deserved. There was utterly no force in this entire world that could pull him away now that he had you.
He was warm and sweet, melancholic and full of joy at the same time. Kissing him felt like you were home and being in his arms felt like this was the life you were meant to live. The missing piece that you wanted to fill so desperately laid right on the palm of his fingers and the way he gave it away to you without a doubt in his mind, you were sure whatever came to the Na'vi, you'd be able to fight through it with Jake beside you. As your friend, confidant and your heart. As your mate.
And at that moment it didn't matter if he was a dream walker; not a true Na'vi just yet—not like you yet. It didn't matter that the two of you were star-crossed lovers; two people from completely different worlds, opposite sides of a mirror where you grew up with the feeling of flourishing grass beneath your feet and him the barren soil of a long-abandoned Earth. What matters is what you see and what he sees now. Freedom, beauty, and most importantly, love. There was no shame, hate or evil where you and Jake were, only that the world finally belonged to you both. You would walk the path Eywa wanted you to with a smile on your face, because you knew he was going to be with you no matter the distance, no matter if the world crumbled before your eyes. He was your beginning and your end, wherever you went your love transcending in forms that would live on for years in the stars.
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。˚ 💟 ꒱ ➛ I LOVE JAKE SUHLLAAAAY SO MUCH GUYS U ZONT UNDERSTAND like i had my second awakening watching avatar 2… CALL ME BABYGIRL PLS ME NEXT ME NEXT!
if you see mistakes and weird writing, no you didn't. my ass isn't proofreading this monster 💀
100 notes ¡ View notes
mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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OMFGHRGSHJEF PLEEEASEE where are the jake sully fics! 😭 i swear i lovee neteyam and lo'ak just as much, but honestly craving for fluff or angst about papa jake :/
crowd my inbox idc, if you have any thoughts or ideas abt him im all ears 💀 itching to write rn
1 note ¡ View note
mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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What Does Your Heart Tell You?
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what does a na'vi healer and a sky person have in common? well only that eywa brought them together to find peace and love within each other's arms. and maybe because they have the same, stubborn and strong-willed heart
჌  pairing: jake sully x fem!na'vi!reader
჌  warnings: me being lovesick MOTHER I LOVE THAT MAN!, denial, like a whole dumptruck of writing errors
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Jake Sully's arrival into the Omaticaya clan had been both a blessing a curse.
Well, you were more inclined to believe it had been a blessing in comparison to the other Na'vi of your clan, who would not hesitate to bare their teeth at the 'demon'. Perhaps it was just you among select few Na'vi—those select few being.. innocent children whose curiosity knows no bounds—who had thought his arrival was what Eywa intended it to be. And somewhere inside your heart you knew letting him in was the right choice, but the other was telling you of a great storm brewing upon pandora.
You could feel it through the restless Ikran, how their screeches and squawks echoed just a little louder and how their wings would bristle at the slightest sound. Through the Pa'li's stomps from their hooves that would shake the ground with an unspoken force, or through the Syaksyuk who would retreat to the canopies with hurried steps. Though, you tried to push the shadow looming over your head away, focusing on the buzzing present with the new sky person stumbling into your home.
It was quite the surprise when your good friend Neytiri brought a sky person to your clan. From where you were all gathered you couldn't see his face clearly and yet, you could tell he wasn't one of you.
By the way he was dressed, the way he was moving; the shakiness of his steps as if his tail was knotting on his feet, and from the way he speaks. The moment he opened that mouth of his, you winced at how.. foreign, it was. Not in a sense that you didn't understand, no, but in his manner; the way he has yet to learn about the culture of the Na'vi and just how dangerous he was in the eyes of your people. He would have surely already been dead at the hands of Tsu'tey if it were not for Eywa speaking and Neytiri defending him.
When the princess protested about being his teacher, a part of you resonated with her. How is it to feel like you’re taking care of a toddler, one who is just learning how to walk and speak, only taking its first steps and yet.. whines so much. But the other part of your soaring heart which you tried to silence for your own sake was painfully intrigued by him; JakeSully, he called himself. There was something about him, something that shined past his foolish behavior that made your heart beat louder in your ears. Some fascinating thing that made your tail swish in anticipation.
Sensing an end to the abrupt meeting you had looked up, trying to catch a fleeting glimpse of the sky person and you were just as surprised as said sky person to see him staring back, something uncannily familiar clicking inside of you. Though it was gone the moment you looked away, ready to go back to the comfort your home, heart still beating wildly at the galvanizing exchange. You hoped you could see him again. In.. better circumstances.
It seems that your hopes were answered because you in fact, did, see JakeSully after that brief glance. Really it wasn't anything official. You would see him in passing when he would try to make tsaheylu with his pa'li—wincing yet again when he would fall off it—or sometimes when Neytiri would teach him to use a bow before actually venturing in Pandora's forest to find prey. Not only that, but after the chief's daughter's very.. demanding training, Jake would often find himself seeking for aid to bandage up some of his wounds. They weren't too bad really, just minor cuts and bruises that decorated his skin, or red marks from wrongly gripping his wooden bow.
And that was where you came in. After Ngeha had stepped back as the head healer for the clan—a well deserved retirement, bless that woman for carrying the weight of all the injured Na'vi over the last decades—she had appointed you, her assistant you could call it, as the new head healer. It was such an honor to finally step onto the trail she has left behind, to help the Na'vi when they needed. It felt good to be able to heal and to bring something life; you were so sure that it was your true purpose.
So it really was like fate when you met JakeSully that day he was back from his earlier days of training. He came in nastily battered (most coming from the dirt on his face, actually), some cuts and scrapes here and there. Nothing you couldn't help him with. Fortunately for him, he had one of the best healers in the clan at his service.
You remember the first time he entered the spacious hut of your workplace. It smelt earthy, like a concoction of the most potent herbs creating a mossy wood scent, hints of fresh petrichor and a sprinkle of something floral and oriental that would fly away in whiffs if one were to get close. It was marvelously calming, like the place and what was inside an extension of the forest itself. He was carefully trying to enter, calling out a distinctive and deep 'hello?' to catch someones attention.
Your ears had perked up the moment his voice echoed in your infirmary and when you revealed yourself to him, you were met with one of the funniest sights you have seen in a while. He was covered with thick, goopy mud, dragging down from his hairline to his feet, digging into his skin as if it was trying to seep in. He was attempting to shake some of it off and sadly failing at doing so.
Your silently echoing footsteps had snapped him out of his stupor and prompted him to find its source, irises raking your figure from bottom to top; you felt a wave of shivers running down the length of your spine.
‘I see you.’ he finally seemed to get out of whatever daze he was in, showing you a gesture he had been taught by Neytiri. He was looking at you carefully, scared that he might get his ass handed to him again if he made one wrong move. And at that point you had wanted to say something about that,—about how you were not going to spike his head where he stood—but you quickly went into healer-mode when you saw a small spurt of blood sprinting down from a cut wound on his left bicep.
Swiftly, you walked up to him, your eyes trained only to the expanse of his body, scanning for other injuries he might have. You reached a hesitant hand out, slowly lifting the inside of his arm so you could take a closer look at it, tracing an absent-minded finger on the rim of the cut while you observed the rest of him. Jake's heartbeat had increased a lot by then, but you didn't need to know that.
God you were beautiful. When he caught a glimpse of you during his trial with the olo'eyktan and the tsahik, he was fatally hooked from the start. You had skin of the most prussian blue, small spots glittering vividly under the Hometree and almost-indigo stripes adorning your body. You had hair just as voluminous as the rest of the Na'vi, lustrous under the periwinkle sheen, swishing wildly along the movements of your lithe body. A part of it was put back in braids, a myriad of distinctive Omaticayan beads embellishing each strand, running down as it sang with every motion.
Clueless to his silent but blazing admiration, you nudged your head at him, urging him to follow you to sit down so you could treat his wounds.
He was like a scared cat, you decided. Ears snapping up with the smallest movements and eyes taking in the place like he'd never seen such a thing before. He probably thought if he stepped on the wrong thing he'd be absolutely obliterated. Much to his relief, you had left him to his own devices to prepare the salve, herbs and bandages to treat his wounds. To be honest, you really were quite curious about the new-comer. Though an outsider would always pose a threat to the clan, especially if they were a sky person, he seemed to be innocent enough. Clueless perhaps, but not naive. But despite that, you wanted to get to know him. To get a taste of the world outside Pandora.
"So uh.. what's your name?" He had asked, situated on the plush mattress woven with threads of terra-cotta, moss and ochre, acting in an (admittedly) cute and confused demeanor.
This was your first time seeing a sky person face to face since Grace Augustine opened her school, and what would be better than to have a little fun?
You stared at him strangely, tilting your head to the side with wide, innocent eyes; feigning confusion. It was quiet for a moment, Jake waiting for your answer and you observing what he would do under the weight of the atmosphere, trying your best to hold in the laugh at the perturbed looking sky person turned avatar in front of you.
Finally, after a long awkward silence, he muttered a small 'shit, sorry' under his breathe, now realizing that you probably weren't too familiar with English, nor did you understand his question. It was rather cute to see him stumble over his own actions. The sky walker with no fear in his heart—with the same heart that was just as kind.
"Tstxo.. nga tstxo?" He stuttered, his sable brows furrowing in deep concentration, the folds on his azure skin growing more visible the harder he tried. You could tell he had very minimal exposure to the Na'vi language unlike the other avatars you'd met, but he wasn't totally wrong. There was quite a lot of space for improvement here and there, but at least he tried and that was what mattered to you.
(Name.. you name?)
You couldn't help the small laugh that bubbled up in your throat, finally breaking your facade. He sounded very funny. To at least save him the humiliation, you covered your mouth with your hands, looking away just in time for him to snap his gaze up at your direction, wide-eyed like a doe as if your voice had put him in a daze.
And maybe it did. Jake thought it was the cutest thing he's ever heard. Though he'd never say it aloud, it would be something that echoes safely in the corners of his heart, softly swelling at the melody despite not knowing why you were laughing in the first place.
"Neytiri is right. You are like a baby." Your voice was just as soft as it was striking. Your English was good, save for the slivers of inflections in it and your accent ever present.
At that point Jake had never been more relieved in his entire life. "You speak English?"
He really did look like a child. The excitement showing in his eyes could rival even the sun, glowing even brighter as more of his canines showed with how wide he was smiling; he was really, really cute.
You eagerly nodded in reply, chuckling lightly to yourself as your held a wooden bowl in your hands, walking towards where he was sitting with his head tilted up with wonder.
"You are surprised?"
The avatar paused shortly when you finally sat in front of his face, holding his cut arm with the utmost care. "I mean, yeah,"
"Pretty surprised when there's only one Na'vi willing to talk to ya'." And Jake reveled deeply in the laugh you gave him. The laugh that he caused. He was pretty damn proud of himself.
"The children like you." You'd just finished cleaning the dirt and blood with a washcloth, the yellow-ish salve you were smoothing on his skin feeling strangely cooling on the inflamed cut. Ha. You could say that. The children only looked at him like a toy; a circus attraction. Though, he appreciated that they didn't whisper behind him or give him scathing looks. At least they were nice while they tugged on his tail and his ears.
You saw the resigned shake of his head as he looked down on the mattress, lips upturned in the smallest degree. With your nimble fingers, you gave him the slightest caress, flattening the cotton bandage over his bicep, hoping to offer him the merest hint of comfort. Even if you couldn't communicate with him all that well, you tried to show him that you accepted him as he was, to show that he did belong here in one way or another. If Eywa brought him here, then it didn't matter if he was a sky person in a Na'vi body, what mattered was his purpose, and the last thing you would do is to question the mother of life herself. "Tomorrow will be better than today. Have trust, JakeSully."
He doubted your words were true. His future wasn't looking so bright.. but there was something in your expression that made him pretty hopeful, like you actually believed in him. And maybe just so he didn't disappoint you he'd look forward another day in the Omaticaya clan, even if it meant being called a skzawng a hundred times.
"y/n."
"Sorry?" The dream walker looked up confused. Again. It seems like he's been stuck in this expression since he got out of that cryopod.
There it was again, the gentle smile he liked so much. "My name. You asked for it." You answered him, patient and calm in your demeanor.
He repeated your words, testing the sound in his voice. It was not too far off the pronunciation of your name, maybe a slight accent here and there but once he got it right it was like he was relishing the feel of your name rolling off his tongue, smiling when you nodded in satisfaction.
Much to your (and his) delight, the rest of the afternoon was spent talking to each other, opening up about your role in the clan, his role as an avatar driver and what's been happening in Omaticaya lately—both from yours and Jake's perspective. He had thanked you after you finished healing and cleaning his cuts for being so kind to him. Even when he was trying to find somebody to patch his ass up he was struggling to even find where the infirmary was located, most of the clan avoiding him like a plague, only getting an answer out of a slightly annoyed Na'vi female who pointed at your hut's direction.
Maybe you were enjoying this a little too much; you were too carried away to even think about the setting sun. So when it was time to join the rest of the clan for dinner after another successful hunt, there was still so much to talk about, so much that was left resting on the tip of your tongue, barely holding onto its last rope.
That was the start of your unlikely friendship with a sky person, of how you find peace and comfort within someone so different. It was something you'd never thought you'd be involved in ever since the tragedy that was Grace's school.
The days had gone by too fast, Pandora's sun and moon blending into burst of violet and orange too fast for your eyes to even admire. Your steadfast friendship with JakeSully became one of the things you would look up to when you woke up with the horizon, the guileless excitement in your heart returning after years of what felt like a missing piece inside of you. Now it's not that living in your beloved clan was numbing and repetitive, but it felt good to finally see something new, something foreign; it's what you've longed to experience for the past years you have lived your life.
Jake had been frequently visiting your snug hut whenever he wanted to talk to you. Sometimes, he actually came with wounds and bruises that needed to be treated but other times he lacked any of the mentioned above. You noticed it. He knows about it. But neither of you dared to comment on it in fear of ruining the serene bubble the two of you were in, so fragile as if one were to say a single word filled with the brutal reality of your two differently alike worlds it would pop like a balloon.
There was one time when it had only been a mere week of the avatar coming into your hut for his very apparent struggles in learning the ways of the Na'vi, when the two of you were yet to fully trust each other and were still touching the waters that guarded each other's hearts.
Jake had a nasty burn on his palm resulting from his excessive misuse of the wooden bow as well as from his attempts to become more agile while moving in the trees; a missed step causing him to slip off a large branch. He came in with a sheepish smile on his face like he was embarrassed to be here yet again, but you never made fun of him for it or used cruel words to tease him at his own expense. You were always there with open arms, though a frown would always make its way on your face when you saw how hurt he was.
"Something is wrong, JakeSully?" You asked just as you were done with wrapping his palms, relishing the quiet evening when you saw the far-away frown he had on his face, like he was contemplating something in his mind with every inch of his brain.
His response wan't as fast and quipped as it usually was and it worried you quiet a bit. Though, he tried to reassure you with a small, unconvincing smile on his face. "You could say that."
"I am a good listener, you know." There it was. Your little attempt to see into his hearts.
Jake seemed to be surprised that you would invite him to spill all of his turmoil onto you. No one has really been there for him to ask him that, and here you were, a Na'vi healer who he'd only known for less than a weeks time, willing to listen to him without judgment. "Just got some troubles of the minds, nothing your pretty head should worry about."
"Troubles of the mind' was a euphemism for the chaos going on in Jake's head.
One one hand, he'd been relaying information about Omaticaya and the Na'vi people to Selfridge and Quaritch, feeling like he accomplished something at last. But then.. then there was you. You and the rest of the clan. Pandora.
He had finally begun to find his place within Omaticaya, creating bonds and new friendships. It was something he came to find that he wouldn't trade for anything else in the world; the chance to experience what it was like to live with freedom, to feel the wind blowing on his face and the ground grazing his feet as he ran through the forests of Pandora. The chance to learn how to see, as Neytiri told him before. If he were to continue to tell shit about the Na'vi to his higher ups, there would be no doubt that the RDA would come in hot with guns blazing, ready to do whatever it took to destroy their homes and take what they want. Then he'd lose you. But if he stopped doing that then he'd probably be booted out of the avatar program in a second. He had no real skill to offer, not like his brother Tommy who was the actual scientists that trained exactly for this opportunity. If he was out then he'd never see Pandora or you again.
Either way it was a lose-lose situation for Jake.
It was silent for a while and you let him sit there with that look in his eyes again, the minuscule downturn on his eyebrows the only telling thing about what was really going on inside his head. You wanted to pry but it didn't feel like it was your place to. He was, to an extent, still an outsider and no matter the connection you felt with him in your heart, it was best to keep a distance before you did something regretful.
"I might not understand, but I can give you this." The least you could do was try to offer him even the smallest bit of comfort. You wouldn't overstep his boundaries and if he didn't want to speak to you about what was troubling his mind then you'd let him be. Even if it had changed nothing in him, at least you could show him there was still a light on the end of the tunnel, and that was enough for you to know that he understood you were there for him in one way or another.
With good intentions, you carefully placed a finger on the left of his chest, slowly flattening the palm of your hand when he made no move to remove it. "Listen here JakeSully." Slowly, you felt the muffled beating on his chest, the inconsistent up and down of his breaths beneath your hand. "Listen to your heart. What it tells you, what it beats for."
And when you looked up to meet his eyes it felt as if the world had shifted, a strike of lighting straight into your irises. It was electrifying. He was electrifying. When you first exchanged looks with each other it was nothing than a mere glance, the seed of your now blooming flower. But now it felt like he was seeing into your soul, like your heart was laid bare right in front of him.
"Do you hear her?" Nothing but a mere whisper from your lips in the silence of the night. Beneath you his heart beat wildly until it slowed down into a calm pace, becoming one with Pandora's own heart as his emotions stirred like the gleaming milky way.
"Hear who?" His response came delayed, too busy with staring into your brilliant ochre eyes.
"Eywa Jake, the great mother of all. She lives inside of us and all around us. Feel her inside your soul, feel her heart beat along yours; her whispers, her songs and her fates. What does she tell you, Jake?"
Stay. That's what he wanted to say—what he should have said. Eywa, his heart, his entire being is telling him to stay here, in Pandora, to become one with the Na'vi just like the rest of you. To stay for you, because all those times where his heart would thud painfully loud in his chest, when his thoughts would run whizzing past his head like a raging comet he would always find peace in you. Your beauty, your grace, your smile and your laughter. And they were right about Pandora. How this planet was so beautiful and luscious that you would easily fall in love with it. But also dangerous, that love turning into death very quickly. Of all the marvelous flora and fauna that kindled the gratifying glow at night, alive with an unfeigned heartbeat, there was you; like a magnet pulling him wherever you went despite his brain saying otherwise. You made him want to stay in a dance of death with Pandora.
It was new to you, the feeling of love. Perhaps at the beginning you simply defined it as fondness, that you appreciated his company and that was all. But the more you spent time with him, the more you really started looking at him. Started admiring the vivid light in his eyes when he would smile, his baritone laughter that made you close your eyes to savor the feeling once more, or his humor; the way he was able to make such a dire situation into something the two of you could laugh about, even as far as making it your own inside joke, nudging each other on the elbows during dinner or when you would drag him to watch over the Hallelujah mountains.
Maybe it was weird and unconventional even, for the Omaticaya people to see you be so.. in love with a demon. But you had gone long past those views, giving your trust and your heart away the moment JakeSully showed you how much he tries. How much he's willing to fall and fall all over again to be able to ride his pa'li, how battered and grazed he's willing to be just so he could properly use a hunting bow and fly his ikran. And most importantly, how much he tried to befriend you, to learn your likes and dislikes, your favorite fruits and your least, your hobbies and habits. Now that was something you could admire about a man. Despite how many times he fails, he still gets up with a smile on his face.
And that was perfect to you. He was perfect to you.
So when you were finally confronted with the prospect of the man you've come to love returning your feelings, you couldn't help but step back from the rose tinted glasses you wore over your eyes, suddenly realizing that maybe.. maybe the two of you were not meant to be like you thought. He was from a different world and while yes, he was to be accepted into the clan soon, you were compelled think he was fated for something greater. For someone greater.
Eywa brought him here for a reason, and you doubt it was just to adapt and become apart of the Omaticaya. Something was looming over the whole of Pandora and you couldn't help but worry about the fickle future.
You heard him before he even said hello, the familiar thumping of his footsteps like a melody that's been ingrained into your mind. When he was finally in your vicinity, you kept your back faced towards him, occupying yourself with cutting up some of the fresh healing herbs you had gathered the day before on your venture to the forest, your fingers moving a hundred miles per minute while your thoughts were filled with him and him only.
"If you want to complain about being called skzawng, I suggest you tell Neytiri yourself. She is always looking for a good fight, you know?" The words made it out of your lips so easily as if they were practiced a thousand times. But Jake made it easy for you to talk and joke around.
The avatar chuckled at your tease, now used to your jabs. He made his way right behind you, strutting in like he owned the place but still careful not to knock anything over again—he had enough experience with your scolding to last a lifetime. "Not here to bore you with my jabber, unfortunately."
Well if he wasn't here to talk his mind off about his teacher or the Na'vi culture then the only other option was that he got injured. Of course.
"You are hurt?" Your head moved like you'd gotten a whiplash, mind instantly racing with whatever in Eywa's name Jake could have gotten himself into. In a second you were met with his smiling face, already scanning his entire body for wounds, moving his arms and his braided queue out the way so you didn't miss a spot. Jake didn't hesitate to slither his tail on your leg, almost tripping you as you made your inspection. You only glared back playfully, baring your teeth while your eyes shined in visible mirth.
"Nah, I just wanted to talk to the resident pretty lady."
Your heart skipped a beat.
Maybe if he had said something like this before, you would have taken in with a lovely smile on your face, complimenting him—or rather jabbing at him—right back. That's what you always did. But not now.
Not now when he would soon become a man before Eywa, to be apart of Omaticaya as its own. To share happiness, grief, prayers, fiesta and celebrations together with the rest of the clan. Not now when he could finally choose a woman and you wanted so badly to be her. You don't think you've ever been so in love with someone else and it would break you; tear you apart piece by piece if you let your heart drive you into his arms, if you let yourself be hurt when he decided he didn't want you.
"You can not say things like that JakeSully." The bright grin you had on your face was quickly wiped off while you slowly retreated your form from him, eyes suddenly not able to look into his like you always did.
To say Jake was shocked would be an understatement. He had never seen you so downturned, so sad all of a sudden when you were smiling just a while ago. He was used to subtly complimenting you; it was like his second nature. He didn't understand why this time it had been so different. There was a flash of pain crossing your eyes before you turned away from him and oh did that make his heart wince. He never wanted to see that expression on your beautiful face again. Jake could either get slapped out of his goddamn body or be hugged as if it was the last time you'd ever touch somebody for what he was about to say. "Why not? Can't I speak my heart out to the woman I love?"
And he could have meant it in any way. Platonic, familial, but the way he said it so seriously, as if he's never been so sure about anything else made you think it was truly from the depth of his love-ridden heart, speaking out to you romantically as a man does to a woman.
Lately he had been so bold with his words. As if one sweet phrase coming out from his lips wouldn't set your entire being on fire, as if every time you felt his breathe on the shell of your ears while he talked about how good and kind you were to him didn't kill you inside every time. And you would not let him ruin you like that. Whether he was sincere with his intentions or not.. you took love very seriously.
And if.. what if he didn't want you anymore in a few couple decades after now? You didn't know a whole lot about human culture but you were aware that it was quite different from your own. Though you loved him entirely, you didn't want Jake to regret anything.
"You-"
"Hey," he gently put his hand on your shoulder and you shrugged it off, like his touch was fire spreading sparks all over your skin. No, you will not yield to his honeyed one. You'd be damned if you turned back to see him looking at you with those half-lidded eyes again, the way they were dripping with barely concealed affection, as if he had genuinely never seen something so entirely captivating in his existence.
"What's wrong?"
You shook your head at the floor, chuckling sadly like it was a joke. Like you were really hoping for it to be true. Everything was wrong. What felt like a dazzling path laid right in front of you fell right into ruins, along the rubble and dust your heart with it.
You only looked at him again when you'd gathered enough courage to face the bane of your existence and the object of your affection, trying to speak firmly while you ignored the way your words would waver. "When you choose a woman you will be mated to her forever. You understand? Forever." The last word was emphasized greatly as you pointed your finger at him.
"Yeah, and I want you." Jake didn't even hesitate to say those words. If you were stunned before, then you were absolutely taken aback by his tone. He just kept surprising you again and again with his certainty; the confidence in him unshakable.
He paced towards you slowly, trying to be calm so you wouldn't run away or god forbid hate him for what he was about to do. You drew back as much as you could until your back hit a wall, your breathes on edge and your eyes moving wildly. He stopped in his place for a moment, letting you clear your head and relieve your heart of its tumult. One and two quiet breathes later he brought his hands up to your face, brushing away the loose tresses of hair that fell beside your face, his knuckles caressing the apple of your cheek, just beneath your waterline where he could feel your eyelashes barely warming his skin. You fell weak against the will of your own love and you followed his movements, chasing the warmth of his palms while you leaned your head against it.
As though time had started ticking again Jake help your other arm, taking it in front if him and laying your hand over his heart; the same way you had done when you told him to open his eyes to Eywa. He encased your smaller hands beneath his own, the warmth spreading from the tip of your fingers to your head and toes, finally feeling at peace, like you were always meant to be together, embraced beneath the luster of a thousand stars.
"This right here? This is what I'm listening to right now. Just like you told me to. It's telling me to choose you, and I've never wanted anyone more."
And when you stared straight into his eyes to see no malice or lies, you surged forward to capture him in a searing kiss, slowly tuning out the sounds of Pandora while you savored the taste of him. When you leaned onto him in his moment of hesitation, he threaded his hands into your hair, tiling the back of your head up so he could feel all of you. You took his breathe away so many times, punching the air right out of his lungs and he would die all over again just to get a taste of you. Now, Jake was so sure you were the only one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Being with you made him feel like he had everything—more than he deserved. There was utterly no force in this entire world that could pull him away now that he had you.
He was warm and sweet, melancholic and full of joy at the same time. Kissing him felt like you were home and being in his arms felt like this was the life you were meant to live. The missing piece that you wanted to fill so desperately laid right on the palm of his fingers and the way he gave it away to you without a doubt in his mind, you were sure whatever came to the Na'vi, you'd be able to fight through it with Jake beside you. As your friend, confidant and your heart. As your mate.
And at that moment it didn't matter if he was a dream walker; not a true Na'vi just yet—not like you yet. It didn't matter that the two of you were star-crossed lovers; two people from completely different worlds, opposite sides of a mirror where you grew up with the feeling of flourishing grass beneath your feet and him the barren soil of a long-abandoned Earth. What matters is what you see and what he sees now. Freedom, beauty, and most importantly, love. There was no shame, hate or evil where you and Jake were, only that the world finally belonged to you both. You would walk the path Eywa wanted you to with a smile on your face, because you knew he was going to be with you no matter the distance, no matter if the world crumbled before your eyes. He was your beginning and your end, wherever you went your love transcending in forms that would live on for years in the stars.
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。˚ 💟 ꒱ ➛ I LOVE JAKE SUHLLAAAAY SO MUCH GUYS U ZONT UNDERSTAND like i had my second awakening watching avatar 2… CALL ME BABYGIRL PLS ME NEXT ME NEXT!
if you see mistakes and weird writing, no you didn't. my ass isn't proofreading this monster 💀
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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AVATAR MEN AND THEIR LITTLE SLUTY WAISTS!!!
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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as someone who had only heard of the porn bots from the ancient legends of the tumblr golden age, spotting them in the wild makes me feel like i have been admitted into a small cult
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.. RIGHT NO- OH MY GODDD THIS ISNT HAPPENING TO MEE 😭 YOU'RE ACTUALLY MY IDOL MY SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REBLOGGING YOUR THOUGHTS IM LICHRALLY SPEECHLESS
you saying how much you like the way i characterize namor is the highlight of my year. like i always worry if i got the character right or not but to see you absolutely enthralled by him is the best thing ever
YASSS ATE OMG IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU POINTED IT OUT bc i really tried to make a distinct ruler inside of the reader and to also show how the talokanil are still living beings too despite their enhanced abilities! PUR WE LOVE A STRONG WOMAN WHO ISNT AFRAID TO LEAN INTO HER HEART
not the christmas treat ohmygod 😭 thats the cutest thing ever i am so glad that my story made your day and this goofy writing didn't deter your enjoyment. i honestly cant thank you enough bc this gave me so much validation and i am feeling so proud. like my heart is warm? girl no its BURNING. its on FIRE.
i always love to leave long reblogs on other writer's stories and wow, it feels so amazing to have someone do it back to you.. like i believe yall replies now 😭 to have someone appreciate your writing like THATS the greatest gift of all. will never forget the moment i opened tumblr and saw your reply, crode and screamed and fainted like i was a dying woman. forever so thankful that we are friends! love you lots ❤️
To Live Fully Is to Live With Love
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this sweet, passionate and blazing side of namor is only reserved for you, and your defiant detour to a fight with the surface dwellers seems to bring the most out of his fretful heart.
pairings: namor x fem!talokan!reader
warning: descriptions of blood and injury, worrywart husband namor, eh mid writing, CANON DIVERGENT!!
notes: another part of my talokan!queen reader series!! so this obviously is a little prequel to this fic. but def can be read as a standalone :D
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"I told you not to come this time, in amado. I knew you could get hurt and here you are now," he said sternly, reprimanding your actions just a few moments ago when you swam along the talokanil warriors, brandishing your own embellished spear to protect your kingdom's vibranium source. The surface dwellers have gotten much more advanced with their weapons over the last years you've encountered them, now with an artillery of ones more deadly, with technology that could bring down the world if it were to be held in the wrong hands. When they had proceeded with their own attacks, you defiantly climbed up their ship despite Namora's fervent warnings against it, ending up with a gun wound when you got back to Talokan.
To you it was just a stray bullet grazing the skin of your thighs, the wound easily mended with some salve and a touch of your enforced regeneration abilities. But to Namor.. oh to Namor it was as if they had committed the most heinous of crimes against you, the shallow cut like a valley of bleeding carmine. And of course you understood where he came from. He was always protective of you in one way or another, never not keeping a vigilant eye on you; it was one of his ways of showing you his love and as much as it could be a bit much sometimes, you always appreciated the gesture.
So here you were now, swimming around your home with a bandaged wrapped around your thigh, the crimson blooming onto the alabaster stripes to remind you of your.. minor, incident.
"I know you said that with the intentions to keep me safe, but I refuse to stay back knowing I could offer them another pair of hands to fight, I'm sorry." You could only stare at the floor, your stubborn heart proving itself fickle once again at juggling the dilemma of justifying your actions and defying your husband's one request. On one hand it had made you so determined and resolute when you thought about absolutely obliterating any surface dwellers who even dared to touch a hair on your people and a single stroke of vibranium, but also.. it pained you to make your husband so disheartened. And you knew he did it out of love, and that made it all the more defeated.
If there was one thing about you, you would always fight for what you thought was right—for the benefit of everyone's safety—even if it meant hurting yourself or being brash and spontaneous. You wouldn't for a second catch yourself endangering any of your people and loved ones; you'd be dead before you backed out of a fight you could easily help in.
"They are strong, I'm aware my king.. but it hurts me to know they must suffer for even just a second." The wellbeing of your people has always been that tender spot in your heart. From the moment you saw just how much they have fought and paid for their freedom, their lives have been something of a pulsing spirit in you, entangling every word you say, every move you brandished; it was all so you and the Talokanil could keep what was rightfully yours all along. Only you would know how much it pained you to see familiar faces on bedrest, their restless—sometimes defeated—faces engraining itself in your head. And of course, you knew your people were stronger than the average warrior. One stray bullet wouldn't kill them immediately, and a striking slash on their skin would only wound them for a few moments, but knowing that you could have done something—could have been there at that moment with them, preventing them from even being touched by a sliver of a bullet or a knife—it made you frustrated. At yourself and at the cruel world.
"They- they have families, children, parents, sisters and brothers waiting for them.. I couldn't bare it to see the devastation again." The last word ringed in his head, reminding him that you too, faced your own share of weighty grief, a kind that would slowly deter one should they be exposed to it for over millennia. It's the guilt of having someone's life in your hands.
And right after that flash of vulnerability you broke, looking up at him with eyes that were wide—almost innocent with a certain naivety—all tainted with affliction and ardor that could not only be delineated as the love of her queen to her people. Her family. "Taak in yaantal ti' tu yiknal leti'ob.. taak in we'esik chan juntúul bey kaajal."
(I want to be with them.. I want to show that we are one as a people.)
You were always bad at hiding what your heart truly wanted. It was something that Namor admired about you; despite how much you try to put on a strong and regal facade for the sake of your kingdom, your compassion and devotion would always win at the end, welting through the hardened walls like a blazing shooting star in the stygian sky. That was what made you such an admirable ruler and woman, because you learnt how to exist between the lines of politics and heart, always wielding your emotions to be something more powerful than any crown or medals that decorated a royal's figure. You never forgot who you are and what you stood for, knowing just how to conduct yourself as if all your past experiences and everything you had learnt continues to live inside of you.
"As their queen-"
"As my wife you should know I can't sit back and watch you fall. Wherever I am you know I would stop the world from spinning to come to you. Losing you.. losing you is something I never want to think about." Namor cut you off, finally holding you in his arms. At the end of the day—without the titles or how long you have lived—you two were just people in love, looking after one another despite the disappointment or irritation. His voice practically trembling with a copious amount of concern and you're reminded of just how much you have to lose.
You weren't like you were back then when you were younger, naive and free of responsibility, not yet discovering the absolute euphoria of loving someone. But now you have your life partner and a kingdom to watch over, the people living in it coming in tail too.
Namor gave you his gaze now, fully and truly as his eyes clashed with your own emotion-ridden one and you couldn't help but dance in the torrid currents billowing in his. He slipped the palms of his hands between your neck and the side of your face, brushing his thumbs below the waterline of your eyes, back to the peak of your cheeks and your temples. "You have me, in puksi'ik'al. I'm always waiting for you right here."
And you couldn't help but close your eyes and clutch the soft cape he was wearing over the half of his body, holding onto it so tightly as if it was your lifeline, because of the words he had just said to you.. they pierced your heart in the most beautiful way.
Somehow.. somehow he always knew what to say. In every situation his words rung out like the melody of a song, sometimes riddled with jagged knives that could splinter through the toughest minds, or sometimes like the feathers that adorned his headpiece, so much softer than the clouds that you have grazed with the tips of your fingers, calming like a breathe of fresh wind.
He gently nudged your face back to his,—an arm never leaving its rightful place around your waist—gaze so close that you could see every bit of umber and brown in his eyes, the gentle singed specks in his irises dotted like the milky way, every gleam and glisten of the water reflecting on the salient expanse of his skin.
"For millennia I have searched for that missing piece of my heart. The one that has only ever beat for my people, for my mother and for Talokan. I've given myself to protect those who cannot, to give them the sun when all they've ever seen was the darkened trails of the moon." A quiet brush from the back of his fingers grazed your cheeks as he continued,
"But you.. you are the one my restless heart calls out to."
A warm wave of his breathe brushed your face and you felt just how powerful his words were—like he was baring his entire heart vulnerable right in front of you. It was so peaceful, to hear it pulsing around you, urging you to float still, becoming one with the home you found in Namor.
"I can't lose you, in reina. You are the piece that I was always meant to find. Kin ts'ĂĄik ti' teech le ujo' yĂŠetel le eek'o'obo' wa quisieras, in yakunaj."
(I will give you the moon with the stars if you want, my love.)
The sweet breathe of release you experienced was something you would live for again and again if it meant you could hear those heartfelt words from him, to hear his passion and his ferocity in loving you as if you were the most brilliant piece of diamond in his eyes, as if he would lose apart of himself if he ever let you go. You gave him an airy chuckle as you shook your head lightly, reaching your hands up to encase his face between your hands, looking up as you fiddled with the tapered tip of his ears.
"You know I don't want the moon, the stars, or the entire constellation. All I want is you. That is infinitely more than enough to me."
And at that moment the feathered serpent god couldn't help but relish the sense of pride surging through his veins; the feeling that you were standing in front of him, right here right now and for however long you chose to love him, being the one he gets to call his love, his heart and his entire world.
You were the moon to his sea, the one that calls out to his tides with your beautiful song. When he found you, miraculously catching your gaze in the middle of the buzzing sea he felt as if he'd finally opened his eyes. To open his eyes and see just how beautiful the world could be. How radiant his life could be when he let the love spill out from his hardened heart. He has been living for his people and the legacy of the battles they've fought for so long that in the middle of it all, Namor forgot what it was like to live for himself too. And you were the one to reignite that light inside of him, with your soft smile and your searing soul, you'd awoken something long buried under a mountain of grief and anger and with you by his side, the king of Talokan has flourished so magnificently, centuries to come with a scorching brilliance of hope at the end of it.
"In yaakunech, amal xĂŠet' ta."
(I love you, every piece of you.)
"YĂŠetel in yaakunech, K'uk'ulkan. Tak tu xul."
(And I love you, K'uk'ulkan. Until the end.)
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OMMMLGJFHD the dialogue really brought my emotions out like i was screaming crying making this..
anyway i do feel like this is really subpar, but i wanted to post it because despite my silly little writers block i still enjoyed writing this story. and i hate seeing it sitting in my drafts.
+ for all my talokan queen fics, i imagine they speak in yucatec mayan, however im not able to translate everything into the language, but u get the idea!
once again i apologize if there are mistakes in the translations. please tell me if i have to change something :D
690 notes ¡ View notes
mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
Text
To Live Fully Is to Live With Love
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this sweet, passionate and blazing side of namor is only reserved for you, and your defiant detour to a fight with the surface dwellers seems to bring the most out of his fretful heart.
pairings: namor x fem!talokan!reader
warning: descriptions of blood and injury, worrywart husband namor, eh mid writing, CANON DIVERGENT!!
notes: another part of my talokan!queen reader series!! so this obviously is a little prequel to this fic. but def can be read as a standalone :D
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"I told you not to come this time, in amado. I knew you could get hurt and here you are now," he said sternly, reprimanding your actions just a few moments ago when you swam along the talokanil warriors, brandishing your own embellished spear to protect your kingdom's vibranium source. The surface dwellers have gotten much more advanced with their weapons over the last years you've encountered them, now with an artillery of ones more deadly, with technology that could bring down the world if it were to be held in the wrong hands. When they had proceeded with their own attacks, you defiantly climbed up their ship despite Namora's fervent warnings against it, ending up with a gun wound when you got back to Talokan.
To you it was just a stray bullet grazing the skin of your thighs, the wound easily mended with some salve and a touch of your enforced regeneration abilities. But to Namor.. oh to Namor it was as if they had committed the most heinous of crimes against you, the shallow cut like a valley of bleeding carmine. And of course you understood where he came from. He was always protective of you in one way or another, never not keeping a vigilant eye on you; it was one of his ways of showing you his love and as much as it could be a bit much sometimes, you always appreciated the gesture.
So here you were now, swimming around your home with a bandaged wrapped around your thigh, the crimson blooming onto the alabaster stripes to remind you of your.. minor, incident.
"I know you said that with the intentions to keep me safe, but I refuse to stay back knowing I could offer them another pair of hands to fight, I'm sorry." You could only stare at the floor, your stubborn heart proving itself fickle once again at juggling the dilemma of justifying your actions and defying your husband's one request. On one hand it had made you so determined and resolute when you thought about absolutely obliterating any surface dwellers who even dared to touch a hair on your people and a single stroke of vibranium, but also.. it pained you to make your husband so disheartened. And you knew he did it out of love, and that made it all the more defeated.
If there was one thing about you, you would always fight for what you thought was right—for the benefit of everyone's safety—even if it meant hurting yourself or being brash and spontaneous. You wouldn't for a second catch yourself endangering any of your people and loved ones; you'd be dead before you backed out of a fight you could easily help in.
"They are strong, I'm aware my king.. but it hurts me to know they must suffer for even just a second." The wellbeing of your people has always been that tender spot in your heart. From the moment you saw just how much they have fought and paid for their freedom, their lives have been something of a pulsing spirit in you, entangling every word you say, every move you brandished; it was all so you and the Talokanil could keep what was rightfully yours all along. Only you would know how much it pained you to see familiar faces on bedrest, their restless—sometimes defeated—faces engraining itself in your head. And of course, you knew your people were stronger than the average warrior. One stray bullet wouldn't kill them immediately, and a striking slash on their skin would only wound them for a few moments, but knowing that you could have done something—could have been there at that moment with them, preventing them from even being touched by a sliver of a bullet or a knife—it made you frustrated. At yourself and at the cruel world.
"They- they have families, children, parents, sisters and brothers waiting for them.. I couldn't bare it to see the devastation again." The last word ringed in his head, reminding him that you too, faced your own share of weighty grief, a kind that would slowly deter one should they be exposed to it for over millennia. It's the guilt of having someone's life in your hands.
And right after that flash of vulnerability you broke, looking up at him with eyes that were wide—almost innocent with a certain naivety—all tainted with affliction and ardor that could not only be delineated as the love of her queen to her people. Her family. "Taak in yaantal ti' tu yiknal leti'ob.. taak in we'esik chan juntúul bey kaajal."
(I want to be with them.. I want to show that we are one as a people.)
You were always bad at hiding what your heart truly wanted. It was something that Namor admired about you; despite how much you try to put on a strong and regal facade for the sake of your kingdom, your compassion and devotion would always win at the end, welting through the hardened walls like a blazing shooting star in the stygian sky. That was what made you such an admirable ruler and woman, because you learnt how to exist between the lines of politics and heart, always wielding your emotions to be something more powerful than any crown or medals that decorated a royal's figure. You never forgot who you are and what you stood for, knowing just how to conduct yourself as if all your past experiences and everything you had learnt continues to live inside of you.
"As their queen-"
"As my wife you should know I can't sit back and watch you fall. Wherever I am you know I would stop the world from spinning to come to you. Losing you.. losing you is something I never want to think about." Namor cut you off, finally holding you in his arms. At the end of the day—without the titles or how long you have lived—you two were just people in love, looking after one another despite the disappointment or irritation. His voice practically trembling with a copious amount of concern and you're reminded of just how much you have to lose.
You weren't like you were back then when you were younger, naive and free of responsibility, not yet discovering the absolute euphoria of loving someone. But now you have your life partner and a kingdom to watch over, the people living in it coming in tail too.
Namor gave you his gaze now, fully and truly as his eyes clashed with your own emotion-ridden one and you couldn't help but dance in the torrid currents billowing in his. He slipped the palms of his hands between your neck and the side of your face, brushing his thumbs below the waterline of your eyes, back to the peak of your cheeks and your temples. "You have me, in puksi'ik'al. I'm always waiting for you right here."
And you couldn't help but close your eyes and clutch the soft cape he was wearing over the half of his body, holding onto it so tightly as if it was your lifeline, because of the words he had just said to you.. they pierced your heart in the most beautiful way.
Somehow.. somehow he always knew what to say. In every situation his words rung out like the melody of a song, sometimes riddled with jagged knives that could splinter through the toughest minds, or sometimes like the feathers that adorned his headpiece, so much softer than the clouds that you have grazed with the tips of your fingers, calming like a breathe of fresh wind.
He gently nudged your face back to his,—an arm never leaving its rightful place around your waist—gaze so close that you could see every bit of umber and brown in his eyes, the gentle singed specks in his irises dotted like the milky way, every gleam and glisten of the water reflecting on the salient expanse of his skin.
"For millennia I have searched for that missing piece of my heart. The one that has only ever beat for my people, for my mother and for Talokan. I've given myself to protect those who cannot, to give them the sun when all they've ever seen was the darkened trails of the moon." A quiet brush from the back of his fingers grazed your cheeks as he continued,
"But you.. you are the one my restless heart calls out to."
A warm wave of his breathe brushed your face and you felt just how powerful his words were—like he was baring his entire heart vulnerable right in front of you. It was so peaceful, to hear it pulsing around you, urging you to float still, becoming one with the home you found in Namor.
"I can't lose you, in reina. You are the piece that I was always meant to find. Kin ts'ĂĄik ti' teech le ujo' yĂŠetel le eek'o'obo' wa quisieras, in yakunaj."
(I will give you the moon with the stars if you want, my love.)
The sweet breathe of release you experienced was something you would live for again and again if it meant you could hear those heartfelt words from him, to hear his passion and his ferocity in loving you as if you were the most brilliant piece of diamond in his eyes, as if he would lose apart of himself if he ever let you go. You gave him an airy chuckle as you shook your head lightly, reaching your hands up to encase his face between your hands, looking up as you fiddled with the tapered tip of his ears.
"You know I don't want the moon, the stars, or the entire constellation. All I want is you. That is infinitely more than enough to me."
And at that moment the feathered serpent god couldn't help but relish the sense of pride surging through his veins; the feeling that you were standing in front of him, right here right now and for however long you chose to love him, being the one he gets to call his love, his heart and his entire world.
You were the moon to his sea, the one that calls out to his tides with your beautiful song. When he found you, miraculously catching your gaze in the middle of the buzzing sea he felt as if he'd finally opened his eyes. To open his eyes and see just how beautiful the world could be. How radiant his life could be when he let the love spill out from his hardened heart. He has been living for his people and the legacy of the battles they've fought for so long that in the middle of it all, Namor forgot what it was like to live for himself too. And you were the one to reignite that light inside of him, with your soft smile and your searing soul, you'd awoken something long buried under a mountain of grief and anger and with you by his side, the king of Talokan has flourished so magnificently, centuries to come with a scorching brilliance of hope at the end of it.
"In yaakunech, amal xĂŠet' ta."
(I love you, every piece of you.)
"YĂŠetel in yaakunech, K'uk'ulkan. Tak tu xul."
(And I love you, K'uk'ulkan. Until the end.)
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OMMMLGJFHD the dialogue really brought my emotions out like i was screaming crying making this..
anyway i do feel like this is really subpar, but i wanted to post it because despite my silly little writers block i still enjoyed writing this story. and i hate seeing it sitting in my drafts.
+ for all my talokan queen fics, i imagine they speak in yucatec mayan, however im not able to translate everything into the language, but u get the idea!
once again i apologize if there are mistakes in the translations. please tell me if i have to change something :D
690 notes ¡ View notes
mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
Text
now go read this masterpiece.
Fallen Hearts Prolouge
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Warnings: accusations of treason, torture, death, suicide, betrayal, blood (this is kind of dark so read with caution)
A/N: Well I finally got done with this piece. Honestly it just might be my favorite thing that I have ever written, so here it is: my magnum opus. I truly hope anyone reading it feels at least a part of the emotion I tried pouring into this
(Inspired by Eleanor Rigby- Cody Fry)
P.s the fic is being posted tonight!
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Prologue:
Fall. Such a simple, intricate word. It signifies so much of our lives. We fall in love, we fall in battle, the leaves fall at the earliest sign of Great Summer taking her leave. It is an act we all commit, even unknowingly. In the end that is what we all do; fall.
Peace was rare, and much coveted. While it was difficult to acquire, once you had it, no one expressed their gratitude for it, in the fear that speaking of it too much would tarnish its sanctity. Perhaps that was our mistake. we should have seen more grateful, should not have taken what we had for granted And that is a mistake that will haunt the Night court for as long as it shall stand.
63 notes ¡ View notes
mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
Text
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OH LORD GODDDD ANYONE HELP ME RIGHT NOWWWW im just 😀 im just sitting here in absolute silence.. tears running down my face.. heart broken into a thousand pieces
like where would i even start with this. how would one start with such a thing. now you know me a girl will never pass off the chance to praise your amazing writing and world building. first off i love the way you wrote the seasons in prythian. it's so imagery and symbolism slay like okay queen pop off with the minor details i see you 👀
and then the relationship! had i known they'd have such a devastating end maybe i would have cherished them all the more when i read it for the first time. although i DID enjoy watching the absolute chaos unravel you know me im an angst girly like..
MMF lawd i honestly love that you made rhysand the.. punisher of azriel. killers a little harsh ( i hate him). but anyway i think there's just enough personality and motivations for him to go that far. and i think you really worked well with the fact that the perpetrator attacked feyre. you're so good with using emotions yup. oh my goddd i love the little torture scene like my toes were curling it's too sad. and then you made selene rhysand's sister like that makes it so much more painful!
always, this is the kind of angst i love to read and oh was i devastated when she killed herself. like. you would rather die than live without the love of your life i understood that. the moment she went up to rhysand with truth teller and instead of even touching a hair on his head she aimed it at herself.. now this is REAL literature. this is CINEMA. this is tragedy.
But Selene… Selene gave her brother one last whisper of a smile before moving Truth Teller to her own throat. It was then that the Shadowsinger's legendary blade spilt its last drop of blood. It was then that it took one last life, the life of someone who no one could have ever imagined being subjected to the blade.
LAST DROP OF BLOOD? ONE LAST LIFE? yeah imma leave it at that omagahdamn 🤣
this is so heartbreakingly GOOD and it was so nice to get back into reading your pieces. you always know how to play with my heart and twist it the most beautiful way. and your WORDSSS youre like my inspiration purr queen i love you.
Fallen Hearts
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Warnings: accusations of treason, torture, death, suicide, betrayal, blood (this is kind of dark so read with caution)
A/N: Well I finally got done with this piece. Honestly it just might be my favorite thing that I have ever written, so here it is: my magnum opus. I truly hope anyone reading it feels at least a part of the emotion I tried pouring into this and if you like it please do let me know what you think! This fic soo much effort and emotion from my end so your comments really make it all worth it)
(Inspired by the song Eleanor Rigby- Cody Fry Although I don't believe I could do justice to the song, this fic is not nearly as emotional or dramatic as I wanted it to be. But then again how do you live up to this masterpiece of a song?)
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Azriel had never been one for afternoon picnics or eating apple pie under its own apple tree or relationships at all, come to think of it. But as it turns out, having a mate does change a person. Your personality, your very soul starts shifting; learning, becoming better acclimated to its lost twin. You begin doing things you would never have imagined just to make them happy. And that is how he ended up here; sprawled across a blanket, his back to the vast apple tree with his mate in his arms, munching on her hand made pies. Then again, Azriel would eat anything his mate blessed him with, just because he knew how happy it made her when he complimented her cooking.
The air was not stifling, despite the fact that they were well into the summer months. Summers here weren’t that long. Mostly because of the towering mountains surrounding the city that blessed them with good weather. But the two months that they did have summer were the worst out of the entire year. Velaris was usually boiling this time of year. However it seemed like the Mother had blessed them with good weather this time.
So they were lounging outside their sea side home, basking in the summer sun before it became insufferable. A few months later Azriel would reminisce this exact moment, try to relish in the meagre happiness its fading memory would provide and beat himself up for taking it for granted. But then again it wasn’t his fault. How could they have known they were happy? That this was all the happiness they would get?
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Azriel and Selene had been mated for well over three centuries, the other two you had been the closest of friends. That simple fact always brought her joy; that in their five centuries of life, she had always had Azriel. It was as if you were twin souls, meant to find and love each other.
The love you two shared was known all across Prythian. Everyone knew of the Shadowsinger and his mate, sister to the Heir of Night, closest to the High Lord Rhysand. Just as this fact was second nature to many, everyone knew not to get between the two of them, knowing they would gladly burn the world down, if just to keep the other warm. So deep and unconditional was their love. A force as constant, as eternal as the sun and the moon. Or at least they had thought it to be.
The war with Hybern had been won over half a decade ago and peace had settled. A hard won peace that had cost everyone a little too much. While all the courts were trying to rebuild, themselves and their diplomatic relationships with each other, they had remained blissfully unaware of a new threat lurking in their shadows, bidding its time to show its hand.
Rhysand, however, had begun to feel uneasy. Maybe it was instinct or just the unfamiliarity with peace after so so many years of pain, that something began unsettling him. He tried to hide it, if only for his family’s sake. They had all sacrificed too much for him to bother them with his unreasonable fears. But soon they began to notice his off putting behaviour. Azriel, of course, was first.
The two were playing chess in his office, as they often did. Cassian had gone to Illyria with Nesta to monitor the training camps, to ensure that no female was being mistreated despite the new laws. They had been vigilantly cracking down om anyone who toed the line. Rhysand had sworn to his mother that he would change the centuries old, misogynistic customs of the Illyrians. And now that he had the power to rule without any threats, he would do anything to ensure it.
But it seemed that his silence didn’t go unnoticed by his brother. Perhaps he was taken aback by Rhysand’s unusually quiet manner, given that that was usually Azriel’s job.
“What’s on your mind brother,” Azriel asked nonchalantly without looking up from the chess board, where he was getting closer and closer to besting Rhysand.
Rhysand didn’t reply, simply because he didn’t notice. His thoughts were too consuming, too rampant.
“Rhysand,” Azriel repeated, “Is everything alright?”
“Yes. Everything’s alright,” Rhysand said. What’s the harm in trying? Azriel quirked an eyebrow, telling that he wasn’t going to fall for this lame response.
Sighing, he replied, knowing he could lie to anyone, put up a facade for anyone. But not Azriel. His brother had always been the one to see through his mask that had fooled countless others so easily.
“Honestly, I don’t know either. And that’s actually exactly the problem. Everything is fine. But for some reason I’ve been feeling so uneasy, like something is going to go wrong.”
Azriel listened carefully without any interruptions. This was one thing he loved about Azriel; he was a great listener. He never judged him or gave him false reassurances, never tried to dismiss his concerns.
“Is something in particular bothering you?” Azriel inquired, seamlessly taking on the role of Spymaster, always ready to fulfil his duty.
“That’s the problem. There is no specific threat or danger that’s worrying me. I just can’t shake this feeling of dread. I swear Azriel this paranoia is going to drive me crazy. Such small things start bothering me these days. Like how Beron was acting in the last meeting. I mean he was an asshole as usual, but nothing other than that,” Rhysand started rambling. All his concerns and worries started bubbling to the surface, knowing Azriel was the one person he could vent to without any repercussions.
“Okay, so Beron’s acting strange. If you want I can go do some recon in Autumn. Figure out if those foxes are upto something,” Azriel offered. Rhysand could see the cogs turning in his head, already planning how he would go about it. Rhysand rushed to refuse before Azriel could formulate a plan.
“No, its fine. There's no point in going to that hellhole and riling up Eris. Plus my sister would skin me alive if I put you in danger without any reason.”
At the mention of Selene, a small smile bloomed on Azriel’s face, and seeing him made Rhysand do so as well. Azriel had gone through so much in his childhood and then when they had grown up as well. No family, no siblings. Sure Rhysand and Cassian were his sworn brothers but it was that feeling of having someone that was yours, truly and only yours, was more blissful than anything. And Azriel had found that in Rhysand’s sister. While it had been a bit off-putting at first, if only because it was his job as a big brother, later he had felt nothing but joy at the thought of the two people he loved most in his life, finding their happiness with each other. And both of them deserved it. After everything, if there was anyone who deserved it, it was Azriel and Selene.
After the game finished, which Azriel so gleefully won, he got up to leave, but not before adding,
“Hey, if you need anything, I’m here. Just say the word.”
Rhysand had only smiled and nodded, knowing his brother would almost put his duty first and foremost, sometimes even before his life. If only he had remembered this simple fact.
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Azriel’s POV...
Leaving Rhysand’s office, Azriel made a beeline towards Selene. His shadows had informed him that she was in the training ring. Of course. Despite there not even being a bare hint of a conflict let alone a war, you and Cassian insisted on training everyone everyday. The two of them claimed that should the need arise, they all needed to be ready. Azriel prayed to the Mother that it never did.
However, it appeared she was alone right now. Perhaps getting in some extra work out. Hypocrite. Sel was were always chastising him for working too hard, always forcing him to take one too many breaks. While she herself often toiled away in the training arena for hours and hours on end. Like he had said: hypocrite.
Walking in, he saw her slashing away at the dummy with her sword. Each strike was precise and lethal, the picture of perfection. For a moment, Azriel simply stood their quietly, waiting a second to take in the sight before him. Even covered in sweat and your leathers, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Night embodied in the form of a heavenly angel, a gift from the Mother to show mere mortals what true beauty looked like. Each day Azriel thanked the Gods for blessing him with this brilliant female for a mate but he knew deep down, even if he were to worship Selene for a thousand years more, it would never be enough to show even a trickle of his devotion. She was his muse, his reason for life, the one who held the keys to his soul and heart.
Despite his chosen silence, Azriel knew she had noticed him. If not because of his shadows, maybe because of the love pouring in openly through the bond. Selene always tried to feign annoyance at his ‘cheesiness’ as she called it, but he knew from the blush that adorned her cheeks and the blinding smile that lit up her face, that deep down Selene adored it. So he kept doing it every single day; reminding her how much she meant to him. He only hoped it was enough.
Finally putting down her sword, Selene turned to him with that smile of hers. She walked right over to him and instantly put her arms around him.
“Well hello there, handsome. How did you find the way your way to our humble abode,” she mocked as Azriel had honestly been scarce in the training arena these days. He had been occupied with either spying or some other task which, for once, left no time for training. A fact that his mate often loved to tease him about; that if he didn’t start training sooner or later, he was going to become an old crone.
“I was told there was a rather pretty female here who was getting quite lonely. I thought maybe I should go offer some company?” he joked right back. Only with Selene did he ever leave his guard down like this, only with her did he let this side of him show.
“You’re shameless, you know that?” she said, laughing her melodious laugh that would make the sweetest nightingales shy away.
“You love me anyways,” he whispered back.
“That I do. I love you Azriel, more than anything else in the world. You’re my everything.”
Azriel only leaned forward and kissed her forehead and both of her closed eyes. It was the softer moments like this that brought Azriel the most joy. Not that he wasn’t thankful for each second he got to spend with Selene. But something about when it was just the two of them, surrounded by silence, quietly expressing their love for each other that touched his heart the most. Even when she simply held his hand, he felt powerful enough to conquer the world. That loneliness he had felt ever since he was a child disappeared when he had first befriended her and had not reared its ugly head towards him ever since. Such was her power, and he has been in awe of it for just as long.
....................................................................
Three months had passed ever since, when it began. Disappearances, murders. People going missing left and right in all seven courts. And these were no ordinary people; nobles, court officials, warriors. Panic had begun to spread. No one had the slightest idea who was doing it or what their intentions could be. As the summer heat reached its peak, stifling everyone’s breaths, so did the uncertainty, the anxiety of the current events.
All seven courts were scrambling to find the reason behind these disappearances, a culprit, a reason. Something that would at least give them a hint as to what to expect, how to prepare. Azriel, himself, hadn’t slept in almost two weeks or if he had, it had been for an hour only at best. He had gone longer without rest, but the stress of everything was starting to get to him. Well that and the fact that he had come up with no answers. He was supposed to be good at this, it was literally his job. His entire family was looking to him for answers, when he had absolutely none to give. And the feeling of letting them down, risking putting them in danger because of his incompetence scared him more than anything.
Selene had been the only one to notice; how he was so tense all the time, how the bags under his eyes had become deeper everyday, how even his beautifully carved face had become gaunt, pale, because she knew he hadn’t been eating properly. She saw it perhaps because she was the only one he let see through his mask. Everyone needed him right now. He couldn’t afford to break down. But around her... he could take a second to breathe, to not put up a facade. She constantly reassured him that he didn’t have to do this alone, that he didn’t have to bear this burden alone. But what could he do? Centuries of experience had ingrained into his very being this sense of duty that he couldn’t shake off no matter what.
However, at the last meeting where Azriel had all but collapsed as he gave Rhysand his report, Selene had finally put her foot down. Despite everyone’s protest she had dragged him home, saying he needed rest, that everyone else could survive without him for a couple of hours. Now Azriel himself had also opposed this decision, albeit half heartedly. Because no matter how much he wanted to work, Azriel knew he had to be honest with himself. With how exhausted he was right now, if he tried to winnow somewhere Azriel knew it would end in a disaster. Selene had quickly shut up everyone’s arguments with a swift reprimanding and has dragged him home.
Which was how they ended up here; in their room, where Azriel sat in an armchair while Selene prepared the bed. In all honesty, Azriel knew he should help but he realised he would probably faint and increase her work even more. So he stayed still. While Selene fluffed up the pillows, Azriel gazed out the window to their garden. Only some time ago, the two of them had been having a picnic under their apple tree, blissfully unaware of what awaited them. The same, luscious tree that had held ripe apples for them just some time ago was now bare. The leaves were sparse, the branches lightning every day. The leaves were turning a pale yellow, losing that healthy green. Perhaps it was a sign of winter. Although it was still far off, the thought still unsettled him for some reason.
“Azriel.”
Selene’s voice calling out to him broke Azriel out of his reverie. Turning to her, he saw she was holding out a hand to him, signalling him to join. Each step felt like he dragging mountains as he walked across the room to her.
As he lay down with her, Azriel suddenly felt a strange sense of peace, of silence, wash over him. Selene began running her fingers through his hair, which really made him melt. Closing his eyes, he took in her scent. It never failed to soothe him, always grounding him.
“You know you can relax right. Not everything is your responsibility. Let others help you out as well,” she whispered into his hair. He knew she purposely kept her voice low for him, knowing when he was this exhausted, this overwhelmed, loudness always made it worse.
“I know but... I just feel so guilty. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. And I am trying, I really am. I just...”
“Shhh. Its okay Azriel. I know how hard you work, how dedicated you are to this court. And so does everyone else. You don’t need to prove it. You’re overworking yourself, my love. And until and unless you get some proper rest, I’m not letting you go out there. Cauldron knows what’s going on. And if you’re putting yourself in harms way, you need to be prepared. I... I can’t lose you, Azriel,” Selene cried out, her fears finally coming out.
“You’re not going to, my love. I promise. I always do don’t I? I’ll always come back to you,” he reassured her.
“You better, you big bat.”
The two of them got around four hours of sleep before someone came knocking on their door. While Selene was grumbling about it not being enough, Azriel knew with the current circumstances even that was a luxury.
It turns out Rhysand needed both of them for different tasks. Azriel was to go to Winter court to check on a lead that Kallias had apparently found. Selene was going to Day, to help out Helion with his forces. Rhysand had commented that he didn’t want to split the two of them up, but right now he needed all the hands he could get.
They had begrudgingly agreed and had left for their respecting missions, not before a hearty goodbye. Not a single soul in Prythian could have predicted what was about to happen as the two lovers went their separate ways.
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Feyre POV...
The last few weeks had been difficult for everyone, but Feyre thought it was even worse for herself and Rhysand. They were supposed to be the leaders of their court, supposed to assure them and provide all the answers, tell them that everything would be okay. But with every disappearance, she felt like she was failing her people. Helpless and aimless, the two of them were struggling to keep the court together, to stop the panic from turning into pure hysteria and chaos.
Right now, she was the only one in Velaris. Everyone else had gone somewhere or the other to try to figure out something about this new threat. Feyre had gone on the last round to Dawn Court whose villages had just been attacked, to see if they could perhaps find some semblance of an idea as to what the hell has been going on. While she had come back empty handed, it was her turn to stay with Nyx as Rhysand left this time.
Feyre was alone in the House of Wind, save for Nyx and Elain. After crying his throat soar, Nyx had finally gone to sleep. Elain had gone to put him to bed while Feyre read some of Azriel’s reports, desperate to find anything they could have missed the first time round.
She had just put the last of the papers down, her eyes heavy from all the reading, when a scream pierced the stagnant silence that had settled over the House. Instantly Feyre was on her feet. Had someone infiltrated the House, despite all the wards around it. She was all alone as well. No matter, Feyre was enough for whatever coward had dared to intrude her home. Nyx... Oh gods Nyx... no no no
Feyre ran through the halls, dread filling her as she prayed to whatever deities that listened, that the intruder was nowhere near her son. If something happened to him, she would raze the whole world down.
She had just turned a corner, when she slammed into Elain, who was clutching a crying Nyx in her arms. Thank the Cauldron. It was only did she realise that Elain was crying too, with a bleeding gash down her face.
“Elain, what happened? Elain, where are they? Elain!” she yelled at him, shaking her shoulders, trying to will her into speaking. But Elain kept on sobbing, shaking her head, she started hyperventilating. Only a second later, Elain’s gaze zeroed in on something behind Feyre’s back, and she screamed.
Pushing Elain and Nyx behind her, she yelled at them to run as she turned to meet the invader head on. Whoever it was, had laid a hand on her sister, and for that they would die a most gruesome death.
A hooded figure stood on the other end of the hallway, knives in both hands. Only, one of them was dripping in blood. Elain’s blood. Blood that could have easily been her son’s. The thought enraged her beyond reason, as she charged at the male.
The male was on her before she could reach him. His knives lashing out, each strike intending to kill. Feyre barely missed some of them. Shit. He was really, really good. All of her hits went amiss. Whether those be from her dagger or her power. The male evaded her in every way.
A kick to the ribs knocked the air from her lungs as Feyre collapsed on the floor. In front of her, the male reached for another weapon. Closing her eyes, she tried reaching Rhysand. She had forgotten where he had gone, but only hoped that he could feel her distress.
Feyre felt her assailant get closer and closer until she opened her eyes. Before she could give in to her fate, the glint of the dagger in his hands caught her eye. It couldn’t be.... Perhaps the blood loss had made her delusional. There was no way what she was seeing could be true. For the dagger in the male's hand, the one against her neck... was Truth Teller.
Summoning what last strength she had left, Feyre pushed herself off the ground and reached up to the man’s head. As she pulled down his hood, a cry of anguish escaped her. At that moment Feyre wished it had been someone else, anyone else. That it was some other pair of eyes sneering back at her, that it wasn’t the friendly hazel one’s she had grown accustomed to. That it wasn’t Azriel glaring down at her.
“Why?” was all she could croak out with his knife pressed against her throat.
Azriel said nothing and only pressed the blade closer, presumably to finish her off. Just as she has resigned her fate, a cry sounded out,
“Feyre!”
Rhysand. He had heard her. He was here. Thank the Cauldron. At the sound of his voice, Azriel got off of her and disappeared into the shadows.
That was how Rhys found her, crumpled on the ground, tears of her own making their way down her face. She understood now why Elain had been crying the way she was. This betrayal was so unfathomable, she couldn’t wrap her head around it despite seeing it with her own two eyes. It just wasn’t possible...
Rhysand skidded to a halt as he crouched down next to her,
“Feyre are you alright? Are you hurt?” and just like Elain, Feyre was now speechless. How could anyone expect her to put to words what she had just witnessed.
“Feyre, what happened? Where’s Nyx?” Rhysand cried out as he shook her again, probably scared out of his mind.
Given the situation, Feyre did what she could do in the moment. She tapped against his mental shields, asking to be let in, then showed Rhysand the memory of just a few moments ago.
The only sign Feyre had to tell her that he had seen it, was Rhysand going wholly still. The colour drained from his face as it became ghost white. He too crumpled on the floor. Eyes empty, staring at the wall before him, not looking at anything in particular. The hurricane of emotions going through him right now was unimaginable to Feyre. Azriel was his brother... to expect this from him....
Rhysand POV..
After the shock had lessened, but still not gone, he had called back everyone in his family. He had then proceeded to show them the same memory Feyre had shown him. Not Selene. His poor, innocent sister. To be subjected to such pain was something he would never wish for his darling sister. He would deal with her later. Right now he needed to deal with a traitor.
The emotions of everyone were varied, as expected. Cassian had protested the most, blowing up within an instant of seeing the memory.
“Rhysand, tell me you’re not falling for this. Tell me you don’t think our brother is a traitor,” Cassian roared at him, questioning him like Rhysand was in the wrong. The audacity of it surprised him.
“Are you suggesting my mate is lying? That your High Lady is lying!” Rhysand yelled right back.
“It could be a mistake. Maybe... she didn’t know what she saw. It...it can be a trap. Maybe someone’s trying to set him up... He would never... Azriel would never do this.”
“For Cauldron’s sake, Cassian! Feyre SAW him! What else do you want? What more proof that you want that that bastard is a traitor! That treacherous son of a bitch laid his filthy hands on my mate. And for that I’ll cut his head off. If any of you try to intervene, you can die right along with him!” Rhysand threatened, ensuring that everyone understood how serious he was being.
He had barely finished his sentence when the door to his office was opened. For the second time that night, Rhysand found himself speechless. For before them, stood none other than Azriel. Relaxed and unabashed. As if he hadn’t committed treason. As if he hadn’t betrayed the only family he had ever known. That pathetic son of a bitch...
Azriel walked in coolly, not showing any signs of the suiting emotions whatsoever. As he felt everyone’s gaze on him, the bastard had the audacity to ask,
“What’s going on here? Is everything alright?”
The one simple statement broke whatever fragment of reverse Rhysand had left. Whatever patience, uncertainty there was left went out the door. Instead it was replaced with white hot rage.
All Rhysand saw was red. His fury gone beyond any bounds, any and all sense of reason gone with it. He wanted Azriel’s blood. And he wanted it now.
Before he even knew what he was doing, he moved across the room and punched Azriel right in the face. And he did it again and again and again until Azriel’s face was nothing but a bloody pulp. Eventually, Azriel pushed him off long enough to ask,
“Rhysand, what... why are you doing this? What are you doing?”
The question was answered only by a kick to the ribs. Azriel groaned and rolled to the side, coughing up blood. The sight brought him more pleasure than it should have. At that moment Rhysand felt like a crazed animal. The sight of spilled blood exciting him to shed even more.
Rhysand hauled up Azriel and slammed him against the wall, he then spat at him,
“You thankless son of a bitch, after everything I’ve done for you! Five hundred years, Azriel! Five centuries together... I thought you were my brother... and you go and stab me in the back?”
Rhysand then showed him Feyre's memory, hoping that maybe it would quell this bastard’s stubbornness. Azriel’s eyes widened as he took it in.
“That’s not me! Rhysand... how can you even think of believing that. I would never... I was in Winter! You sent me to Winter!” Azriel croaked out, still making excuses.
“You lying bastard. But don’t worry. I know just how to make you talk.”
Rhysand then grabbed Azriel by the collar and winnowed to the one place traitors like him deserved to dwell. The Court of Nightmares. It had been Azriel’s area of expertise and now the same place Rhysand would use to break him.
Dragging him to the cells in the bottom most pits of this miserable place, Rhysand threw all concern as to who was watching, or what they might think out the window. The only thing on his mind was vengeance. The pain of this betrayal only fanned the flames even more.
Throwing Azriel in one of the cells, Rhysand himself walked in and locked the door behind him.
“Now, tell me. Who are you working with? And what have you told them,” Rhysand demanded, perhaps if Azriel was compliant he could be granted an easy death.
“Rhysand, are you out of your fucking mind? Why would I do this? Go ask Kallias if you want. I was with him in Winter,” Azriel exclaimed.
“Who’s to say you didn’t trick him too?”
“Rhysand, please. You have to believe me. I would never do this. Feyre’s my sister. I would never hurt her!”
His mate’s name only enraged Rhysand even more. How dare this son of a bitch do what he had done and then proceed to act innocent? Like he could be forgiven his crime?
Rhysand called on his daemati powers and tore his talons into Azriel’s mind, tearing it apart from within, trying to find some clues as to who he had been conspiring with. Beneath him, Azriel screamed as he felt he his mind being violated, each passing second feeling like knives being repeatedly stabbed in his head. Good. Rhysand wanted him to feel pain, if only an ounce of what his betrayal had made Rhysand go through.
“Rhysand! Please! I didn’t do anything! Please!”
Rhysand withheld his mental attacks, only for a moment. He wanted to give Azriel one last chance to confess, if only for the sake of the five centuries they had spent as brothers. Perhaps was easy for Azriel to throw them away like they didn’t mean anything, but not for him. He wasn’t shameless enough.
“I’m giving you one more chance Azriel. Tell me who you’re working with. And perhaps I’ll make your passing easier.”
Azriel only sobbed below him, hands in his hair, he only sobbed,
“I didn’t do anything Rhys. Please! Please believe me, you’re all my family... I would never hurt you...”
Rhysand grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head against the wall repeatedly before letting him crumple to the floor once more.
“Do not speak to me of family. You lost the right to do so when you turned your back on us! I gave you a chance to confess. Now don’t say I didn’t give you a chance. You raised a hand against my mate, your High Lady! If I hadn’t gotten there on time, you were going to kill her weren’t you? You were going to rob me of the most precious thing in my life. Now, it’s your turn.”
Realisation dawned on Azriel’s face as a long, dark blade of pure ebony materialised in Rhysand’s hand. He tried to retreat, to cower back but Azriel’s broken body only allowed so much.
“No no no. Rhysand please! I didn’t do anything! Please! Please don’t do this... think of Selene!”
“Don’t you dare take my sister’s name, you bastard. She didn’t deserve a filthy low life like you for a mate! She loved you with everything she had and this is what you gave her in return... But not anymore. I’m not going to let even your shadow close to her. You’re going to pay Azriel. For hurting my mate, my sister... you’re going to pay for all of it,” Rhysand threw back at him.
And then...Rhysand raised the sword and brought it down on Azriel’s back, cleaving his wings right off his body. Azriel screamed a scream of pure agony. Blood trickled down his back as the membrane of his wings gave way to the blade.
Rhysand had exacted his revenge in the most fitting way he could think of. Wings were not only fragile but also extremely important to Illyrians. And now Azriel’s were gone. Despite the fact that he despised his parentage, his wings were what marked him as an Illyrian. Now he was nothing.
Azriel’s cries died down to nothing as his throat became parched because of the screams. Now he lay collapsed in a corner, body still shivering and shaking, perhaps from the pain, perhaps from Azriel’s sobbing.
Despite it all, Rhysand felt no pity, no sympathy. Azriel deserved it. Rhysand would not let some crocodile tears break his resolve. Before he left, he said one more time,
“I hope the next time I come here, you’re a little more compliant. Do think about what has already happened. If you don’t give me answers next time... well you know better than anyone else, there are many fates worse than death.”
Azriel POV...
Even after the High Lord had left, the Shadowsinger kept on crying, shaking. He tried and failed to come up with a reason for what was happening. His brothers couldn’t do this to him. Not Rhysand and Cassian. They weren’t like his step brothers. They weren’t.... This was all a bad dream. Yes, a nightmare. He would wake up and he will be in Selene’s arms, and all will be right.
The pain from Rhysand’s mental attack and the severing of his wings had driven Azriel beyond the point of sanity, his hold on reality slipping with each passing minute. Crazed with pain and fever, he kept on whispering into the dark, just like he had when he had been a child,
“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything. It’s just a bad dream. Its just a bad dream.”
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Rhysand POV...
When he returned to Velaris to the House of Wind, he was met the piercing sound of a female screaming. Instantly his heart stopped. Was there another intruder? Was Feyre alright? It was only when he reached the room the sounds were coming from, did he realise that the screams weren’t Feyre’s. They were Selene’s.
When he reached her room, he found her slumped on the floor, hair strewn everywhere, with her hand clutching her chest, beating at her heart. Feyre and Morrigan were by his side, trying but failing to calm her down.
“Selene, what’s wrong?”
Her gaze fell on him shakily, she stared at him got a moment as if trying to reassure herself that he was really there, before she started sobbing,
“Rhysand. Its Az... something is wrong. He’s hurt. I could feel it. It hurt so bad, Rhys. And now... I can’t feel him! I can’t feel him, Rhysand. You have to find him! You have to... he needs our help.”
“We will, we will. Don’t worry, my raven. But I need you to calm down first okay?” he said calmly. Selene only stared at him incredulously before pulling back from him.
“How can you ask me to calm down? I’m telling you my mate is hurt and you’re telling me to calm down?” his sister spat at him. He didn’t blame her. Not one bit. What she was going through right now was unimaginable. So Rhysand did what he could in the moment. He reached into her mind and put his sister to sleep.
Selene slumped into his arms as he picked her up from the floor. Laying her down, he ushered everyone outside.
Once they were all a safe distance away from her room, Cassian exploded,
“You can’t keep this from her forever Rhysand. You need to tell Selene. She deserves to know!”
The gravity of the situation finally started to weigh on him as his legs gave way from under him. Rhysand collapsed on a sofa and put his head into his hands.
“It’ll kill her. Knowing what that son of a bitch did... she won’t be able to survive it...” Rhysand whispered softly.
Cassian and Rhysand sat there for hours on end, trying to figure out what had led them there, trying to remember if there were any signs of Azriel acting strange in the last few months. But both of them came up empty. In the end they were both left with heavy heads, and even heavier hearts.
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Selene awoke only an hour later, once again in pain. The damned mating bond. It ensured that she felt every ounce of pain he conflicted on Azriel. That was one technicality that Rhysand had not thought of while exacting Azriel’s punishment.
This time it was Cassian who was in the room when Selene awoke, beside herself with pain and desperation. The feeling of the mating bond slowly withering away was enough to drive anyone insane. Rhysand would know; he had felt Feyre die once. He also knew how that broke a person’s very soul in two.
When Selene awoke, she jumped straight out of bed and made to leave when Cassian stopped her,
“Sel, wait! Wait! Where are you going?”
Rhysand was truly beginning to worry for his sister. Her eyes were half crazed as she tried to fight off Cassian.
“Azriel! I need to find Azriel, he needs me!” Selene cried.
“He’s not here, Sel. We’ll find him. I promise. But you need to stay here, alright? It's not safe out there,” Cassian tried to reason with her, “Why don’t you sit down here? I’ll go get Rhysand. And then we can figure out how to find Azriel together alright?”
That was when Rhysand had walked in, going to his sister’s side the second he walked in. Selene took him by the arm and asked,
“Rhys, where’s Az? Where’s my Azriel? I can’t feel him. Why can’t I feel him?”
“I don’t know...”
“He knows I love him right? He knows I need him?”
“Of course he does,” Rhysand answered.
“THEN WHY ISNT HE COMING BACK? HE KNOWS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM! WHY DID HE LEAVE ME ALONE!” Selene screamed at the top of her lungs.
Rhysand then put her to sleep again with tears in his eyes. Realistically, Rhysand knew they couldn’t do this forever. But seeing his sister in such a state tore his heart apart everything all over again. Glancing at Cassian, he saw in his expression that he felt the same. Their sister had always been shielded, protected. And to see her suffer in such a way, was more than either could bear.
.................................................................................
Two weeks passed like this; Selene waking up in a panic and then Rhysand or Feyre putting her to sleep. Each time they tried telling her, her broke state would deter them. Who would be the one brave enough to share her mate’s fate? Who would be the one to ring the toll bells for their love?
It was only when the second week ended when everything came crashing down. Selene was once again sleeping a restless sleep, Elain with her in her room.
The rest of the Inner Circle were in the Town House when Rhysand felt a disturbance. Someone had broken through the wards of the city. Instantly they were at their feet. Before any of them could react, there was a flurry of swirling darkness and before them stood a man.
The invader was tall, lean. Despite what he was undertaking, the man bore no armour. As if he expected no attack, no resistance. As if he could just walk out of here unscathed after barging in to his home.
“Who the hell are you?” Feyre demanded.
“Ah, Lady Feyre. Always so impatient. Lord Koschei sends you his regards. As for my name, we’ll that’s irrelevant really,” the man sneered.
Rhysand’s heart dropped. Koschei. It was impossible. He wasn’t... he wasn’t alive. How has risen again?
“That’s not...”
“Possible? Well i can assure you it very much is. Who do you think is behind all these people disappearing?” Then after adding a sick smirk the man added, “Behind the fate of your Shadowsinger?”
“Go tell your master, we’ve caught his lap dog. He won’t have any of our secrets anymore,” Rhysand spat at the man, still shocked at his audacity.
“Tsk, tsk. Rhysand. I honestly gave you more credit than you deserve. My master thought you all would never fall for this trap. But then again he did always underestimate my ingenuity. You see, we knew with Azriel by your side, we would never have been able to infiltrate your court. It was too well guarded. So we knew we had to get rid of him somehow, but we couldn’t figure out how. He was too secure here, with all of you. But then I thought: why do we go through all of that trouble when you can just do it for us?”
“What? I... I didn’t do anything. Azriel was working with you people. He got what he deserved,” Rhysand answered.
“Was he? Because I do not recall any such thing. And that is not something you forget. After all having the Shadowsinger by our side would have been such an advantage,” the man explained.
“Do not attempt to lie to me! I saw him.. Feyre saw him. He attacked her...” Rhysand began, perplexed. What game were these people playing now.
“Did he?”
The repeated questions caught him off guard. He glanced at Cassian who had a similar expression.
“Yes, we saw the memory. It was Azriel who attacked Feyre. He...” Cassian began.
“Really? Because I could have sworn Azriel was in Winter Court when I came here,” the man jeered.
“No, Azriel wasn’t....” It was then that the man’s words sunk in, “Wait, what did you just say?”
“Oh yes. It was me who attacked the House of Wind that oh so fateful night.”
“No.. it was Azriel... he..” Cassian started, too confused for words.
The man smirked smugly once again and raised an eyebrow. Then, the man snapped his fingers and in an instant, disappeared. In his place, now sitting before them... was Azriel.
A gasp from everyone sounded through the room. It was Feyre who exclaimed,
“What devilry is this?”
Despite looking like his brother, when he spoke the voice was the man’s own,
“Yes. There it is people. The grand reveal. It was I. Honestly it was so easy to fool you people. When Azriel left for Winter, I made my way here. I did the crime and poor Azriel paid the price. How sad.”
No no no no no no no no no
Before he could process what had just occurred, a soft voice echoed through the room,
“It was you. You took my Azriel from me.”
Selene. No.
“Yup. And he’s been torturing him loads as well,” the man added, mocking all of them.
“You son of a bitch! After everything you still have the audacity to stand before me so shamelessly?” Rhysand roared at him.
“Well if you ask me, I was just getting bored. I was expecting you lot to figure it out sooner but you are all so slow. So I thought why not come reveal myself? There’s no point in committing all these brilliant crimes when no one gives you its credit.”
The man disappeared before Rhysand could reach him to cut his measly head off.
“How could you?” Selene asked again, “How could you?!”
Rhysand tried making his way over to her but she retreated, getting as far away from him as possible.
“All this time... you’ve been lying to me. You lied to my face. How could you Rhysand?”
“Sel... it wasn’t my fault. I had no idea... we all thought it was Azriel... He..” Rhysand scrambled to come up with an answer, something to explain why he had done what he had. But deep down he knew, nothing could ever absolve him of this heinous sin.
“Where is he? WHERE IS HE?” his sister demanded.
“The Court of Nightmares.”
And Selene winnowed away.
...........................................................................
Selene POV..
The hurricane of agony and anguish that was ravaging her very soul right now made her want to curl into a ball and cry. But she didn’t have time. She had to find Azriel. She had to get to him.
Winnowing in to the Court of Nightmares, she willed the faint mating bond she could still feel to find him, to lead her to him. Cauldron knows what that monster had done to her mate. She would never forgive him. All of them would pay.
Pushing her fury aside, Selene skidded to a halt in front of a cell in the bottom most pit of this wretched place. Damn you Rhysand. She unleashed her power and the door before her crumbled to nothing. Walking in, she saw nothing at first. The darkness so absolute, no amount of light could ever lessen it in this place.
After grasping at nothing but the dark, she finally spotted a figure in the far corner of the cell. Azriel.
Running over, Selene felt like throwing up at the sight before her. Her mate's back was covered in blood and blisters. Open wounds, half clotted, half fresh. His majestic, awe inspiring wings were... gone. Rhysand couldn’t have done this. He was cruel but not this... this was unimaginable. He wouldn’t do this to his brother... would he?
Turning him over, she tried to shake him awake. He’s okay. He had to be.
“Azriel. My love. I’m here.” No response.
“Az. Please.”
With a shaky breath, Azriel’s eyes opened, only slightly. And her violent ones were met with his beautiful hazel ones. Eyes that once held nothing but adoration. Eyes that had always looked at her like she had hung the stars. Eyes... that were now empty and hollow.
Azriel looked at her for a second, and recognition lighted up his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something but just as quick it closes. His hand slipped from hers and his chest stopped rising.
Selene was frozen in place, refusing to accept what had just transpired. Azriel’s now empty, unblinking eyes stared at her coldly.
“No no no. Azriel. Azriel. Wake up. It’s me. Its your Selene. I’m going to take you home. We’re going to go home,” she whispered, willing him to wake through some miracle.
Her hands felt the wounds on his back as she held him. They had been too deep, too lethal to be left as he had been. And those same wounds had led to his passing. Now that was what Selene would have realised if she had been rational, if she had been sane at the moment. But she was long gone past that point.
“My lion mate. What did they do to you? My brave Azriel... how could they do this to you?”
Running her hands through his hair, she moved it from his eyes. His empty gaze, his still chest mocking her.
“Azriel, my love. How could they do this to you? Azriel. Wake up. Come on, we’re going home. Azriel wake up. Please. For the love of God please wake up,” she cried softly once before panic began to settle in her chest.
Selene felt the mating bond stretch and stretch, until it shattered. The bond cleaving felt like someone had ripped her very soul apart. Her heart felt like it was om fire. The world fell away. The only thing Selene knew was her lost love.
“AZRIEL!” Selene screamed, finally letting out her anguish, “AZRIEL WAKE UP! PLEASE! MY DARLING! PLEASE WAKE UP”
She let out a wail that was heard all across the wretched court. She dragged her nails down her face as she screamed. At one point, she even stopped saying his name and just screamed in pain.
Her ragged screams were what led Rhysand and the others to the cell. Where they found her, holding on to her dead mate, pounding on his chest, begging him to wake up. The screaming did not subside or lessen with their arrival. The entire court of Nightmares stood witness that day as the Daughter of Night cried and pleaded for her mate, witnesses how the two lovers were torn apart.
Cassian fell to his knees at the sight of his dead brother. A wail of affliction tore free from him but Selene paid him no mind, she was too far gone beyond the point of salvation, as she still shook Azriel, as if expecting him to awoke any second.
Rhysand was frozen. Body, mind, both numb. His hands were shaking as he took in the sight before him. No no no. This couldn’t be happening. Azriel couldn’t be... dead. He couldn’t be. Rhysand was going to take him home, was going to apologise. He would have paid with his own life if he had to, to Selene and Azriel. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen...
Selene turned on him, rushing over to where he stood. He realised too late, she was holding Truth Teller. She must have grabbed it before winnowing here. Feyre, however, did and she moved to stop her. But Rhysand held her back. No. He would take whatever punishment his sister would deem him worthy of. His wings. His life. All were offered.
But despite screaming only a few seconds ago, which Rhysand also expected her to do, Selene only cried out softly, as if she was too tired to raise her voice anymore,
"How could you do this to me Rhysand? You put out the light of my heart. You killed the one who held my soul. You know, when you took him from me and then lied to me about it, when you took my love from me, my life was plunged into darkness. I was drowning in my soul's agony. The hope that I could find him again, kept me alive I took refuge in that hope. But you took even that away from me. And who knows... if he had been alive.. maybe I could have forgiven you. Maybe we could have moved past this a century or two later. If he had been alive, there could be hope for another spring
Light could have lit up our lives again, flowers would have blossomed again. Your court would have been covered in the red of roses rather than the tainted blood of my innocent mate! You have forever changed the fate of this court Rhysand.
You have summoned such a winter, whose icy winds will never stop.Everything will surrender to it. Everyone will meet their end because of it
My suffering, my pain is over Rhysand. But yours... yours has just begun."
Rhysand was frozen in place as he watched his sister, his darling baby sister slit her own throat in front of him. As she fell, he did too.
Selene raised Truth Teller. Behind him, Feyre and Mor cried out his name, assuming the knife was meant to him. Beside him Cassian moved as well to get Rhysand out of Selene’s way. But Selene... Selene gave her brother one last whisper of a smile before moving Truth Teller to her own throat. It was then that the Shadowsinger's legendary blade spilt its last drop of blood. It was then that it took one last life, the life of someone who no one could have ever imagined being subjected to the blade.
Kneeling, he held her lifeless body as blood flowed freely from her. The same blood that drawing from Azriel had given him so much pleasure only some time back. And now... his sister, his only family was gone. Gone...because of him.
The High Lord’s agonised roar could have been heard all across Velaris as he cried for his sister, for his brother who he had murdered with his own two hands. How... how could he have been so foolish? How had they come to this? How could Rhysand, the High Lord who believed himself smarter, stronger than any, had fallen for this heinous trap?
And his sister... she had died alone, without her love. So did Azriel. How.... How? How could Rhysand have done this? To think Azriel's childhood, his first steps, his first memories had been of the dark, cold cellar his so called father had locked him in. To think he had gone through all of that, had survived, found happiness only to meet his end in the same way...it was too cruel. Almost a slap to the face, like fate was mocking his brother; look, you tried to escape but what happened? Once again you return to this lonely darkness. People like you don't deserve happiness. No. Rhysand couldn't have been this cruel. Why hadn't he waited, why hadn't he questioned his own sinful eyes.
And Azriel... he was gone. His brother, the one person he could always rely on was gone, the one person who had always protected him was gone. To think of the fate he had subjected the two of them to; dying alone, in pain, without their mate by their side. Rhysand couldn't save them...
Cauldron. What had he done?
..................................................................................
The last vestiges of summer left the Night Court. And along with it, it took the last bits of warmth, of plenty... of happiness. The city of starlight now submerged in an unforgiving, relentless winter. As it would be for as long as it shall stand. For the cries of the Daughter of Night had not gone unheard by the Gods.
At the edge of the city, in a small garden by the seaside, the signs of winter first started showing. The home that had always been basked in light and warmth, now stood derelict. Doors have been thrown open, windows too. As the icy wind made its way inside the house, taking over what was once the haven of two lovers, a silence settled. It was the overbearing, suffocating silence. One that made its presence known, that couldn't help but make you think of a lost time, where this silence did not reign. Now... it only mocked the house's desolation. Look, what you used to be? How you have fallen.
Outside, the apple tree in the garden, in whose shade the Shadowsinger and his beloved had once laid, was now barren. As the last leaf of the tree fell, it was joined by the first snow of this eternal winter. Snow that would not stop, that would take all who stood before it.
Oh how they had fallen.... in the end, no one was saved.
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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writers block is insane right now.. i'm 89% done with my namor fic but just can't get myself to complete it.
my only goal is to post this before the new years like that's actually embarrassing bye 😭
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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Just because you haven’t seen something doesn’t mean it’s not there. EPIC (2013) dir. Chris Wedge
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mooncleaver ¡ 1 year
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the new avatar movie is reminding me of just how obsessed i was with the first one! 😭 AND WITH JAKE!! like.. i remember watching it years ago and waiting for a sequel; i prayed for that shit plzzz
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