mini-moriarty
morally screwed small child fan page
all the characters i like are the same people in different fonts (he/they)
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I like how Klarion and Enchantress keep together
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📦 Shipping update: we're not delivering your parcel because you checked the tracking page too much and we got shy about it
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Favorite Batman Rogue?
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i think i’m not much of a hater as i am a dismayer. my gut reaction when disappointed isn’t always “oh what the fuck this SUCKS” but without fail it’s “oh why did they do that this concept could have been so GOOD”
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just write a shitty poem, what do you have to lose
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hate bluetooth headphones that talk. you are a machine you may NOT speak to me
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This joke came to me in a fit of laughter (ALT description provided :3!)
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"The funniest thing about Invader Zim is" no, the funniest thing about Invader Zim is Jhonen Vazquez's repeated insistence that Gaz was intended to be the normie sibling to Dib's baby's-first-cybergoth and that he genuinely never intended her to read as goth herself.
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y'all wanna see a horror story in 2 pictures?
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"amab or afab" im alab experiment that went wrong
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"poor people are happier with less" and "money won't buy happiness" is literally classist propaganda. stop buying into it and start making molotov cocktails
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So there are some perks to living in a tourist destination. There are a lot of detractors mostly that you cannot shoot the tourists because you rely on them for your income but you have a semi captive audience with no context for any of the bullshit you spew. You can tell these people anything and they will believe you, the trusted friendly local. Now this is a very much Spider-Man situation where Great Power begets Great Audacity and even worse Responsibility.
My buddy goes on a run and when hes done there is a bar near a creek. So he wades into the creek because the day is hot and the water is cold.
Tourists ask what hes up to, with his running stuff he didn't want wet piled on the shore and him very obviously cooling off in the water. He says he's fishing.
But now here is why I am telling you this story. The universe occasionally aligns in such a way that we get to really really fuck with people and their perception of said universe. The opportunities do not come often and when they come you must seize the day. This is what my buddy did.
So this Creek runs through town and as a result of the highway and neighborhoods and culverts and roads it does not have a great salmon run. It's a short Creek the headwaters are only a few miles from the ocean it never had a great salmon run to begin with. But there are salmon.
One such fish brushes past my buddy's leg. Immediately he knees the fish like he is juggling a soccer ball and pops it out of the water, then slaps it out of the air on to the shore.
This is dumb luck. He could not do this again if he spent years training. Noodling (catching fish with your hands) is a thing that is legal to do with salmon but it is so much harder than literally every other way to catch salmon, including grabbing them with a garbage can. What he just managed is the kind of thing that should make you want to grab the fish and swing it around your head like a stripper with her panties off.
But,
He has an audience.
This is the opportunity offered by the universe.
He plays it cool.
He puts on dead pan straight face on and wades up to shore to grab his fish and nod to the tourists. Someone asks something and he assures them this is the standard way to get a quick dinner here. The tour guide has caught up with his group. He looks at my buddy and his fish and the general lack of fishing accoutrement. Without missing a beat, the guide backs up every ounce of bullshit out of my buddys mouth because if there is one true fraternity it is locals bullshitting stupid tourists.
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What tickles me about the first book in the AF series emphasizing Artemis' vampiric appearance is that you could argue that he is one, in a sense. Here is an excerpt from Nina Auerbach's Our Vampires, Ourselves:
Auerbach's musing that "[vampires] are disturbingly close to the morals they prey on [...] vampires are neither inhuman nor nonhuman nor all-too-human" is what strikes me here. In many ways, vampires are monsters that lurk within human bodies and under human faces -- which reflects how although Artemis may appear human (and is, uncontestably, human at the start of the series), his nature puts him at the most remote border of the category. The reaction that many human background characters have to Artemis (until ~TOC) is to shudder!
For example, in AF, you have the following:
“Nguyen had heard the name Fowl before—who hadn’t in the international underworld?—but he’d assumed he’d be dealing with Artemis senior, not this boy. Though the word “boy” hardly seemed to do this gaunt individual justice.”
Then, in TEC:
“The waitress scurried to the kitchen, relieved to escape from the pale youth [Artemis] at table six. She’d seen a vampire movie once. The undead creature had the very same hypnotic stare. ”
Artemis is equally ill-fitted to human society as he is to fairy society. It's true that in the first book, Artemis plays up what makes him unsettling to give off that impression of having something powerful and monstrous barely contained beneath a feeble human exterior. The only way for him to command respect as the current heir to the Fowl name is to imply through behavior that appearances are not what they seem; to imply that despite his age, he is of equal importance and power to his (presumed) late father. But Artemis' strangeness transcends performance. He is, by nature, uncanny to those who receive him.
This is what Sigmund Freud says of this quality in his essay The Uncanny (trans. David McLintock)
But Artemis' vampirism goes beyond character, it is also behavioral. If he is a vampire, what does he vampirize? Artemis is, to put it bluntly, skilled at being the heir to a criminal empire. The Fowls have sustained themselves by draining the world around them of wealth the second they came into existence. And how did they come into existence? By stepping onto the shores of Ireland during the Anglo-Norman invasion! We aren't given much in the way of lore for the Fowls, but they are implied to be old money. That historical power, in turn, implies at least some sort of relationship to British colonial activity in Ireland.
Further, the Fowls have maintained their power over the years by leeching off of the physical power and protection offered by the Butlers. Until Colfer starts allowing Butler's character to grow beyond his employment, his dynamic with Artemis is weirdly reminiscent of a vampire and familiar; the world that Butler gives Artemis access to isn't the day, but rather the adult world. When Artemis' parents are out of the picture in the first book, the only reason Artemis is able to "prey" upon the People is because Butler acts where and when Artemis cannot.
Not to mention -- and I say this with love -- Artemis can be a bit of an energy vampire. He delights in antagonizing, he relishes in drawing out a triumph over an enemy. For example, by the second book, Artemis has driven a handful of school-provided therapists to quit from how drained their interactions with Artemis left them; Artemis is remarkably good at teasing out what would get under one's skin the most.
There's also the matter of Artemis draining some of Holly's/No1's/Hybras' magic in TLC. Although there isn't a scene in the series of Artemis drinking blood, I think that theft of magic can invoke a similar effect in Auerbach's framework.
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