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mccn-bcys · 25 days
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The Dead Horse
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summary: santi brings you back to reality.
pairing: fem!black!reader x santi garcia
contents: angst & fluff— happy ending, canon typical violence, blood, gore, ptsd, depression, feelings of hopelessness, friends to lovers, kissing
wc: 2,419
an: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now bc of nerves, but always wanted to write Santi with a black love interest. planning to dip my toe into that pool more in the future 🥰
oscar issac characters masterlist
You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting here like this. It could be minutes, hours, even days. In these four walls beneath the shower’s spray, there is nothing that matters. Not even you, not anymore. And while you’re usually the first to be cheery, to tell each of the guys that the work they do— the work you all do together— doesn’t compromise the goodness you see in their hearts, you’re having a hard time believing that right now.
Not with what you’d done. It was to survive, and while you’ve come to terms with how scary you could be in the past you thought it stayed there.
In the past.
Tonight had proven to you that you could always access that piece of you. That terrifying piece that was a killing machine. The emphasis doesn’t lie in efficiency, but in ruthlessness. You had shown no mercy, the switch for empathy and compassion turned off as soon as your hindbrain decided that it was fight or flight. Dormantly thirsty, lurking in the shadows waiting for its time, it chose to fight. But you had gone a step too far—like always— because of your lack of control.
You were messy, enjoying the cutting of thick flesh, the warmth of the blood as it sprayed you. The copper smell, so familiar and embarrassingly comforting, though you didn’t have the mind to think that now, not when you were exposing the pink underbelly of a corpse.
Santi’s been pacing the hallway since you all made it back to the safe house. He’d tried to chat you up on the way home with no success. You wouldn’t meet his eye, and when he drew nearer to catch your gaze it was empty. It chilled his blood. He wasn’t sure of what exactly happened in that room you’d gotten ambushed in but he’d seen the aftermath. Recalling the image of standing over one too many dead bodies, a gleam in your eye had made his stomach curl. He’d smoothed his hand over your knee and left it at that, trying his best to banish all the red and pink and white.
It’s been an hour since you’d stumbled into the bathroom. He can hear the shower still going when he puts his ear to the door and sighs, a mix of frustrated and concerned. He’s not sure what to do– he’s never had to take care of you before. He’s always been grateful for that given all the fondness he has for you bubbling just beneath. Any acknowledgement could jeopardize too much– missions, the dynamic of the team, and most importantly your friendship.
“You alright in there?” He calls softly through the door.
He’s met with silence. He rolls his neck, cursing beneath his breath as his mind goes back and forth, trying to decide what to do.
“Just go in there and check on her,” Frankie says from behind him, causing the other man to flinch. “Didn’t mean to scare you. You alright?”
“I’m fine,” Santi assures Frankie, leaning against the wall to face the man. He nods at the door. “She could be naked.”
Frankie snorts, shrugging. “She’s seen all of us at least half naked and well, Benny—“
Santi quickly cuts him off, trying to keep the sour jealousy out of his voice. He knows that there’s nothing going on between you and Benny, that Benny is as much of a flirt as he is but sillier and less concerned with his image. “But we haven’t seen her. I don’t— I’m a dog but I’m a respectful one.”
“If she’s gonna get help from anybody on this it’d be you. She trusts you man.”
Santi looks at him like he’s grown two heads but feels a little warm, “She trusts all of us, kind of a prerequisite of living and working with a group of men.”
“It's different with you. You should hear the way she talks about you when you’re not around.”
Santi almost lets himself think about it. Almost lets himself dream a little. Almost.
“Or see the way she looks at you when you’re not looking. Like a lost fucking puppy,” Benny pipes in, breezing down through the hallway between the two of them.
“Don’t sound so concerned, Benjamin,” Santi calls after the man, mouth quirking into a grin.
“Don’t look so smug, Santiago,” Frankie teases.
“I’m not smug,” He denies. He decides to go in, okay with being kicked out by you if it means that Frankie will be gone, done poking and prodding at what the man must know is his heart.
“Good luck.”
Santi murmurs a quiet thanks before slowly entering the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He stands, frozen in place for several moments as he digests the sight of you. It's heartbreaking. His chest goes tight, and he curses softly again. What could he do for you? He’d do anything, but he’s just not sure what. He feels helpless seeing you like this. He could burn this entire city, burn anyone who would look at you wrong. Hell, he’d burn the entire world if it meant some warmth would come back into your eyes.
You’re curled up, your arms resting atop your knees, head resting to stare forward. Your curly hair that usually frames your face is completely soaked like the rest of you, flat and sticking to your face in various places. He knows that your eyes are unseeing, that you’re so incredibly removed from yourself because you make no indication that he’s stepped into the room.
“I’m gonna come sit beside you, okay? That’s it. No words,” Despite his words he stays where he is for a handful of seconds, hoping to get some sort of answer from you. You don’t speak a word, don’t utter or sound or so much as look in his direction. But you do shift slowly, making more room for him underneath the water.
“Fuck, it’s freezing,” He grits out, drawing close enough to you that your shoulders rest flush against each other.
He gazes over at you, noticing the way the water glimmers on your brown skin. The way its collected on your dark eyelashes. If these were different circumstances maybe for just a handful of seconds he’d let himself get lost in your beauty. But then you acknowledge him– sort of. You hum softly and the leaning of your head on his shoulder. It's a good sign and he relaxes beside you.
“Do you want me to shut it off?” He asks gently, reaching out to take your hands into his. Your fingers are cold as ice, and he rubs at them in a futile attempt to generate some heat.
“No, please. No,” You beg hoarsely, suddenly springing to life. You grip at his hands desperately, eyes wide with panic as you finally meet his gaze.
“Alright, hush, cariño, I’ve got you. C’mere, baby,” He shushes you, pulling you into his arms and flush against him.
At little more present in the moment, you feel the chill registering. You curl up, tucking your face into the crook of his neck. There’s still some warmth in his skin and you press into it, letting the sound of his steady breath lull you back into a dissociative state.
Santi holds you for an undetermined amount of time. He runs his hands up your back, over the crown of your hair, feeling the difference of how your curls feel when wet. His hand drifts to your chin, and he leans away, tipping your head up.
“Honey, you’ve gotta talk to me,” He whispers.
Your dark eyes have a little more life to them, but that’s only amplified the sadness they hold. “Santi, I can’t. I can’t. Don’t make me, please.”
“I have to, you can’t stay like this. We’ve got to get it out in the open.”
“Like you do?” You challenge– your voice distinctly unkind, harder than he’s ever heard it before. His brow furrows and guilt blossoms inside of you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. This just fucking sucks, Santiago. Its all wrong again.”
“Tell me what’s wrong and we’ll fix it.”
“There’s no way we can fix it. I’m just broken. I’ll always be haunted by her. She’ll always be here, waiting for an opportunity for that.”
“You preach that shit to me and the guys. Day in and day out. Every mission, and you don’t believe it?”
“I do— I did. I believe it for you. For them. You’re good people, Santi. Good men, all of you. You take care of me.”
“You take care of us, honey. Fish hangs on your every word. Will too. Benny is well— Benjamin.”
“And you?”
He shrugs, “You know I gave into this a long time ago. Before we even met. No other way for me to be.”
“Do you believe me?”
“I try to. I want to. There are parts of me too that I don’t like. I want them gone. I rip them up and bury them but they always come back to haunt me. I don’t think that means I’m not trying to be better, but it means I’ll never be the man I want to be.”
You frown at him, concerned, “Santi—“
“It’s okay. I accepted that after the first tour. Sometimes you gotta let the horse be dead.”
“Do you think my horse is dead?”
There’s no room for his ego, no room for hiding when he hears the blatant fear in your question.
He rests his head back against the wall, murmuring, “I think you’re the sweetest thing this earth has to offer.”
“You think so?”
“Bouncing around with your curls, and your sweet little smile. Kicking Benny’s ass with grace while you’ve got a cake in the oven. You should see yourself with Frankie’s little girl.”
“Seems like you watch me a lot,” You suggest softly.
“I watch you all the time,” He admits, but there’s no shame in his voice. In fact you can see resolve in his eyes, and possessiveness. A chill runs down your spine and it’s not from the water. Santi mistakes it for that anyway. “Let me turn this off for us?”
He’s still asking. Still checking in with you though there’s much more light in your eyes.
“Yeah, okay.”
Santi leans up and turns off the shower, letting out a sigh of relief. He runs his hands over your wet curls, pushing them away from your forehead. His thumbs swipe your cold cheeks, brushing away some of the water droplets.
Without that steady sound of the shower, sheets cascading down on you, you both are feeling a little more exposed.
“I came in here to make sure you were alright, not spill my fucking guts. I just had to take care of you,” He says, his voice uncharacteristically hesitant.
“You can always take it back,” You say teasingly, though most of you expect him to bite at your offer.
He’s said much more in these last few minutes than he ever has to you— Santi’s a sweet guy under all his charm, but he never lets you see below the surface. Not until now, when letting you in seemed like the only way to get you out.
It takes more effort than he expects to pull himself away from you. He leans back against the shower wall, nimble fingers lacing together in his lap. “And lose you?”
“You could never lose me, Santi,” You murmur, reaching out to grab one of his hands.
Your eyes roam him, a little in disbelief at what’s happening right now. But yes, it is Santiago Garcia sitting next to you. With his dark brown eyes, his sharp jaw dappled with stubble, his salt and pepper hair looking much darker and curlier than usual due to the water.
“Yeah?” Santi asks, eyes glued to where yours sits atop his. He traces slowly over the sight of you two linked together, admiring how soft and rich your skin looks even after sitting in a shower for so long.
He’s a goner isn’t he?
“Yeah.”
There are butterflies in his stomach. Butterflies, sweat slicking his palms despite the fact that he’s soaked through his clothes and down to the bone. He realizes in this moment that he’s not just a goner. No— he loves you. He knew that he was harboring some kind of feelings for you, but when your eyes meet his— earnest and tender— he can only think one thing: I love you.
His eyes hungrily drop to your full mouth, and another shiver runs down your spine. “Let me kiss you.”
You nod, squeezing his hand that’s still in yours.
“I need to hear you say it. You have to say it for me, so I can believe it.”
“I want you to kiss me, Santiago. Please.”
He’s on you then. All over you. His hands move quickly, guiding you back into his lap before one loops around your torso and holds you close. The other cups your jaw, angling it back so that he can press his mouth to yours. You’re breathless before the space between you is closed, chest heaving at how sure and firm his hands are. He kisses you. Kisses and kisses you, like his life depends on it. Like you’re lost and the only thing that will guide you home is his insistent tongue.
Your hands slip and slide against the fabric of his wet shirt before you give up, raising them to tentatively cup his face so that you can have leverage.
“That’s it honey, kiss me back. Take what you want to. Whatever you need,” He encourages between kisses.
Take you do. You squirm in his lap until he lets you shift and straddle him. It had started with him leading you, consuming you but now it’s your turn to surround him. Santi gives in, sighing into your mouth as your tongue goes on the hunt for his. You kiss him. Kiss him and kiss him until your mouth aches. When you pull away his is flushed pink, newly wet. You run your thumb over his lips before wiping your own mouth.
He looks up at you like hang the moon. His eyes are soft and hazy, pink mouth pulling up into a smirk. There’s the Santi you know. The Santi you love. But even now, he’s softer and sweeter, gathering you close again.
“What do you need now, sweetheart? What can I do to make it better?”
“You.”
“I’m yours.”
santi taglist: @jitterbugs927, @theconsultingdoctor10, @tanzthompson, @clairevoyanceee, @moonmalice, @tiffanypooh, @dearvirtualdiary-blog1, @marc-spectorr, @xbellaxcarolinax, @toracainz, @mccn-bcys, @missdictatorme, @whatthefishh
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mccn-bcys · 28 days
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How it feels when Jake Lockley shows up unannounced in a mk fic where they still don’t know who he is yet
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mccn-bcys · 1 month
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pedro pascal at the SAG awards 2.24
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mccn-bcys · 1 month
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Till Then | Steven Grant x Reader
Worth an Oscar | Masterlist
Context: After a wonderful night, an unpleasant feeling washed over you for no explicable reason. But you weren't the only one who felt this way; your lovely Steven had also sensed what was about to happen and thus offered a dance.
Warning: Angst, Small Mentions of Pregnancy (for those who doesn't like stories like these), Grief
Music: Till Then by The Mills Brothers
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This night was utterly beautiful, the moon glowed brightly than usual, the air was cooler, and it was so peaceful. But what made it more special than any other night was that you spent it with the love of your life, Steven Grant.
Steven promised you a date, which he fulfilled tonight. He took you to all of your favorite places in London, which resulted in both of you staying until midnight. You suggested that you both stay in because you knew his new job was exhausting, but he preferred not to. He explained that a lady like you should always feel special, which is why he planned to take you out on a date every Friday.
You admired how he remembered everything you liked even when you only mentioned it once, especially given his forgetfulness.
"Here, take this love," Steven smiled, gently covering your bare shoulders with his coat. "You might catch a cold." 
You returned his sweet smile, reaching up to hold his hand that rested briefly on your shoulder. "Thank you, darling," Steven hummed before facing the empty field of the local park again. Steven wanted to end the night peacefully, so he took you to your last favorite place. You sighed contentedly before resting your head on his shoulder and closing your eyes as you felt him do the same. 
Steven encased your right hand in his larger ones, slightly leaning back on the back of the bench. He began rubbing loving circles on your knuckles, his hands ghostly running over your fingers and palms. A simple life with the most perfect man was everything you could ever want. Your lips curled into a smile as you imagined your future with him, how you'd both live peacefully, how he'd look playing with your children, and how you'd both grow old together.
But then,
A sudden feeling washed over you, interrupting your dream. You couldn't quite make it out, but you know it was uncomfortable and troubling. But it was when you realized you weren't the only one who felt this way that your brows knitted even more. You opened your eyes to see Steven, whose body tensed beside you. He was still staring straight ahead, his face blank, and his grip on your hand had tightened slightly.
"Darling?" you called softly, holding his shoulder with your free hand as you worriedly searched his face. He wasn't responding, and he was very still, so still that you became concerned. "Steven?" you asked, sitting up straight. 
With the unrecognizable feeling and Steven's lack of action, your heartbeat painfully quickened. "Steven, darling? Are you okay?" you inquired again, this time with obvious concern in your voice.
You began rubbing his shoulder to get his attention, attempting to release your hand from his firm grip, but to no avail. This was starting to frighten you, and you had no idea why. You tried everything to get his attention, pinching him, waving your hands in front of his face, snapping your fingers, but he didn't move. "Steven, you're scaring me," you mumbled, looking down at your squished hand.
Steven slowly turned his head towards you with that single sentence. His grip loosened and he resumed caressing your hand, his eyes filled with adoration as he searched your worried expression. "I'm fine, love," Steven said, as if he hadn't been acting strangely earlier. "Are you?" He asked, gently cupping your right cheek. You heaved a shaky breath before trying to comprehend what had occurred.
Steven's questions and concern about your expression made you relax a little, giving you the impression that your Steven has returned. But why did he behave like that?
It was as if he sensed something uneasy...like you.
Did he feel it as well?
"I-I'm okay, Steven," you responded, trying to forget what had happened earlier. Steven huffed and chuckled as he rubbed your temple with his thumb, "Oh good, I thought something happened." You tried not to react to his chuckle because you knew it was completely forced. Steven felt something similar to you, and you know it. 
But if he really did, why isn't he saying anything?
"Steven, did you—"
"Can I offer you a dance, love?" Steven stood up abruptly, taking both your hands in his and bending down to await your response. You looked up at his smiling figure, which was so beautiful in the moonlight. "Just one, yeah?" His smile widened as he raised both your hands to his face and tenderly kissed the gaps of your knuckles.
You thought about it at first, but since Steven seemed to want to dance with you, you gave him a genuine soft smile before standing up with him. Steven's cheeks flushed as he led you both slightly away from the bench you were sitting on in order to give you both more space. "Thank you, my love," Steven whispered as he came to a halt.
His gentle hands found your waist and drew you in closer until your chests were touching. You softly hugged his neck, and he rested his cheek against yours. Although you had always wanted to dance with Steven, the earlier feeling lingered. And, despite his smile, Steven's eyes were filled with the polar opposite of happiness.
You swallowed and closed your eyes as Steven began to sway you both. Maybe you're just hallucinating, yeah? Maybe it's just fatigue that has you feeling this way. You don't want to ruin this night, so you tried to relax yourself with Steven's warmth.
It was then you felt yourself relaxing when you heard Steven's melodic voice. "Till then, my darling, please wait for me," He was singing the song that was playing in the background when you two first met at a coffee shop. His voice was so soothing that you leaned in closer to him and silently hummed with him, feeling the tension in your body release.
"Till then, no matter when it will be, some day I know I'll be back again, please wait till then." 
You began drawing circles on Steven's nape with your fingers, feeling him smile in your ear as he leaned in closer. As he hummed, his warm breath tickled your ear and his large hands caressed your waist, lovingly running his fingers through your curves.
"Our dreams will live though we are apart," As Steven sang the part that made your chest tighten uncomfortably, your smile faded. "Our love I know we'll keep in our hearts" Your fingers stopped playing with his hair and your hands tensely rested on his shoulders. The feeling you once shook off has returned, stronger than ever. You turned slowly to face Steven, who had his head down, your brows arched as he avoided eye contact.
"Steven," you said quietly, cupping his cheeks and turning him to face you. You huffed as you felt your chest tighten even more when you saw Steven's eyes glistening and his face downcast. "Till then, when all the world will be free. Please wait for me". Steven continued, his voice cracking at the end as he began to cry. In a panic, you both came to a halt and gently wiped away his tears, 
"Oh darling, what's wrong?" you asked, not noticing that your eyes were also getting prickled by tears. Steven's hands held your head, his dark eyes staring at you as if he was afraid you'd vanish if he looked away.
"Why are you leaving me, love?" he asked, his voice quivering with heartbreak. His question caused your face to contort in confusion. What did he say? You weren't going anywhere, and if you were, where to? "No, Steven, I'm right here," you tried to console him, but he shook his head.
Steven was crying, and you had no idea how to comfort him because you didn't know why.
You kissed his forehead, drawing him close to you, and tried to stop him from crying. Steven sobbed as he hugged you tightly and buried his face in your neck. "I'm sorry, love, I shouldn't be acting this way," he said, his voice trembling and muffled.
You were so perplexed that you simply remained silent. What was going on? Why is Steven suddenly crying? Why was he asking you to stay when you were never going to leave—
It's alright, say your goodbyes to him.
When you heard an unfamiliar voice, your head jerked around. This increased your anxiety because you didn't understand anything. Steven tightened his grip on your back, holding your arm that was hugging his neck, his crying had subsided but he was still shedding tears. "I'm going to miss you," he whimpered.
"What are you saying, Steven?" You brought his face up to your level, his eyes puffy and his face damped. "Y-You're leaving....me," Steven hiccupped, his quivering mouth curled into a frown.
You chuckled nervously, "No, I'm not." You tried to prove him wrong, but something inside you told you that he was telling the truth. Steven forced a smile and nodded at you, "It's okay, love, I'm not mad." He wiped your hairs off your face and stared at you lovingly, as if this was the last time he'd get to look at you like this.
Steven gently wiped the single tear from your cheek. "So beautiful, you," he said, smiling, "The best gift I've ever had."
Is he taking it easy?
You dropped your head on Steven's shoulders with another call of the voice. "I'm sorry, Steven." You didn't know why your mouth moved unconsciously, as if it had its own mind. "I tried but couldn't; it was becoming more difficult for me." Now you were the one sobbing on his chest. "I want to stay with you, Steven, I really want to," you mumbled as you felt strangled. In response to your words, Steven took a deep breath and hugged you even tighter. The words you didn't know you were saying.
"I know, love, don't blame yourself," Steven said, looking up at the sky, not wanting to cry any longer. Your grip on him loosened as he backed away slightly, wanting to look at you again. "As much as I dislike saying it, perhaps this is for the best."
Listen to him; everything will be fine.
"For your sake, love, you're doing the right thing," Steven smiled sincerely, wrinkles forming on the sides of his deep dark eyes. You felt as if your legs were about to give way, closing your eyes as you still felt as if you knew everything and nothing at the same time. "I love you," Steven confessed, quickly closing the gap between your lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, drawing him in for one last passionate kiss.
"I love you, I love you," you said again and again between breathless kisses. Steven hesitantly drew back and hugged you one last time, his hands securing you tightly, almost as if he was reconsidering your departure. You felt his chest pound against you while your surroundings suddenly shrank. Despite the fact that the world seemed to be closing in on you, Steven's touch gave you reassurance.
"Thank you for everything, darling, my Steven."
As you began to lose consciousness when your surroundings shrank and became engulfed in unexplainable darkness, your vision began to split in two and nearby noises became distorted, but before you passed out in Steven's arms, you audibly heard him hum one last time.
"Please wait till then,"
...
"Ms. L/N?" 
A now-familiar voice prompted you to slowly flutter your eyes open. The bright ceiling light that welcomed you was blinding your blurry vision, so you closed your eyes again for a few moments, gently rubbing them.
A quiet groan of discomfort escaped your mouth as your fingers met both of your watery eyes. Every time your hand moved in a different direction, there was a stinging sensation. You tried to recall why you were feeling dizzy and why your eyes felt like they had been staring at the sun for too long, but your thoughts were cut short by a faint melody playing beside you.
"Although there are oceans we must cross and mountains that we must climb,"
Regardless of how painful your eyes were, you fluttered them wide open and searched for the source of the music that was making your heart beat faster. Your reddish eyes were drawn to a record player with a disc that was playing the only song you considered to be music to your ears.
Your slightly parted lips curled into a smile as your hands rested on your heated chest. Your gaze was drawn to the record player on the table beside the couch you were sitting on, recalling the happy memories it brought. "Till then, let's dream of what there will be," You quietly sang along before turning your gaze to the woman in front of you.
"Hello, Ms. L/N, welcome back," greeted the woman wearing round pitch-black glasses, her wrinkled hands holding a large notebook that rested on her crossed legs. "Did you get a chance to say goodbye?"
The sincere smile on your face faded quickly and you settled your hand back on your lap.
"P-pardon?" you inquired, slightly perplexed as to what she was referring to. "To Steven?" the woman licked her lips as she quickly adjusted her glasses. 
Steven? Why would you say goodbye to someone who isn't even here? And how did she come to know him? Your brow furrowed, and you stared at her, puzzled. The woman noticed how clueless you appeared to be about the situation, so she leaned in closer.
"I know every gain must have a loss,"
Before returning her gaze to you, the woman briefly glanced at the music that was still playing beside you. "Earlier today, I put you in a trance...with Steven," she began, and as those words left her mouth, you found yourself recalling events from a while ago.
"It was a way for you to get closure. You asked me to do it, and I assisted you."
"Help me with what?" you murmured, your eyes stinging once more. You asked her not because you didn't know the answer, but because you wanted to know if what you remembered about Steven was true or not.
The woman sighs and places her other foot on the carpeted floor, her face slightly downcast. "Mr. Grant, was..." She looked at you to see if she could go on, "He was involved in a terrible accident a few months ago."
"What?" you laughed incredulously, tears streaming down the sides of your cheeks. "Steven's probably at home, reading a book or doing a puzzle," you reasoned, hoping to prove her wrong.
"So pray that our loss is nothing but time,"
Your heart dropped as the woman slowly shook her head. "Mr. Grant is no longer with us, which is why you're here, Ms. L/N." She tried to comfort you by reaching for your hand, but you just stared at her with glossy wide eyes. 
Her words rushed through your mind, not allowing you to fully comprehend them. It was as if your brain had shut down and all you could do was listen to the woman in front of you who seemed to be telling the truth.
Steven's at home....isn't he?
"Your grief was too much for you to bear, so your mind devised a way to cope with his loss; you told me that you frequently pass out and wake up to the promised day Mr. Grant never fulfilled, and every time you relive that whenever you yearn for him; it was becoming extremely unhealthy for you and the baby, which is why I decided to help you find closure. We've been doing this for weeks; may I ask if it worked this time?" The woman asked, her voice soft and patient.
What?
Your brows raised in surprise as your dried mouth parted slightly, and you unconsciously found your hand gently resting on the small bump on your belly. "I..." you breathed, not knowing how to speak properly given the amount of information that had flooded your mind. You looked back at the woman who was ready to stand up if anything happens to you.
"Till then, we'll call on each memory,"
"It's fine, Ms. L/N. We can continue at another time—"
"No," you cut her off, pausing for a few seconds before returning your gaze to her worried expression. Fortunately, your mind has allowed things now to sink in properly for you to understand, and you believe you can continue with her topic without breaking down too much. "I...I'm not sure if it did," you muttered, unsure of your response. You didn't know if you'd successfully escaped the world you'd created.
It was a world where Steven and you went on the date he promised, which was also the date you planned to tell him you were pregnant. You wished you could have seen his reaction; he'd be thrilled to learn that he'd have a smaller version of himself. All you could do now was presume on how he would react.
"It's okay, we can try again next time," she said as she stood up to sit right next to you, still holding the notebook, "You should let it all sink in. Whenever we do the trance, you often wake up and forget everything." Venice gently grabbed your right hand and brought it to hers, inspiring you to look back at her.
Oh, she's right. You hadn't remembered her name until now.
"I'm here to help you, okay? You don't have to move on, just accept. A love like that can never fade away," Venice said as she gently squeezed your hand and smiled lovingly. Your lips began to quiver at her words, and you found yourself crying once more.
"Till then, when I will hold you again,"
You're not sure if you'll ever recover from his death or escape the reality you've created, but you'll try...for him and your child. You could've followed Steven months ago if you hadn't been pregnant, but knowing how he'd react, you chose to live your life for him. It just sucks that he left first and that it wasn't the cliché type of both of you dying of old age together, that's terrifying.
You closed your eyes as Venice drew you in for a warm embrace, and you shuddered at how you heard the song's final line before it ended. It was almost as if Steven himself had whispered it to you.
"Please wait till then."
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mccn-bcys · 1 month
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give them the happy ending 😭😭😭
Give Me More
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summary: part of life is heartbreak and suffering; at least Javi is worthy of it.
pairing: sex worker!f!reader x javier peña
contents: 18+/NSFW/MINORS DNI, mentions of sex work, pwp, oral (f!receiving), feelings, internal angst, perceived unrequited love
wc: 1,995
an: i woke up one morning with this idea on my mind, my fingers were itching to write, especially since it’s been so long since ive written for javier. might come back to give these two a happy ending, might not. thank you to @jennaispunk for the beta! hope y’all enjoy <3
pedro pascal characters masterlist
Javier is your favorite. It’s hard for him not to be. With him nothing is a performance, every moment— every kiss and touch feels real even if it isn’t. You know that it’s going nowhere, that one of these days he will catch each and every drug lord, trickling down all the way to those hardly involved and then he will leave. But it’s hard not to get caught up in him. It’s hot and electric, there’s passion. There’s real pleasure.
He comes to you. Every single time he comes to you. Maybe that makes it worse, these fantasies in your head where you get to keep him. It’s easier to picture him sipping coffee in your kitchen or lounging on your couch reading a paper. Some things he has done, like sleeping in your bed or taking a shower. Sometimes when you curl up in bed at the end of the night, you let yourself drift into those memories, building on them as you go. It’s unhealthy and unfair to yourself.
But, you’re not sure what alternative you have. Falling in love with Javier Peña was not what you’d expected. You’d never fallen in love with a client before, but that’s Javi for you. Beating the odds and changing the game, one kiss and fleeting glance at a time. How are you meant to resist those chocolate brown eyes, big and expressive? How are you to deny how deep and exploring his kiss feels?
You tried. You really had. As soon as you realized what was happening you pulled away. Stopped answering his calls and started frequenting other places, places you were most likely not to see him. But, Javi’s persistent and DEA— he could find you if he wanted to and he had. Slowly but surely you fell right back into his clutches. Eventually you stopped fighting it. You had to be honest with yourself, the part of you that wanted to is small at best. This will be the only thing you ever have with him and you might as well hold on to it while you can. Part of life is heartbreak and suffering; at least Javi is worthy of it.
He called yesterday, asking if he could come over tonight. Of course you had said yes. Today is one of the only days during the week that you have completely to yourself, but you don’t mind. Being with Javier never feels like work…it isn’t in your mind, not that you’ve ever mentioned that to him.
His knock on the door is crisp and succinct as always, no mistaking him for anyone else. And when you open the door for him, he slips in easily, shutting the door so that he can pin you against it with his soft but insistent kisses. He tastes like bourbon and tobacco, his warm spicy scent invading all of your senses. You kiss him back easily— eagerly, hands rising to card through his soft hair.
God he smells so good. He feels so good. You could live and die here happily.
He’s always needy when he comes to you, but something feels different. Off.
You pull away slightly, running a hand over his cheek so that he opens his eyes to look at you. “Estas bien?”
“Muy bien, querida. So good, now that I’m here,” He murmurs into your mouth.
“Tienes hambre?” You ask, nipping gently at his bottom lip.
“Mhmm,” He hugs, starting a path of kisses down your neck, biting and sucking at your flesh as if to prove his point.
“For food, Javi,” You scold playfully even as you let your head lull to the side, giving him free reign.
“Food can come later. Let me take care of you, baby,” He croons.
That’s all it takes for you to abandon your line of questioning and give into him. You nod, shivering against him when he continues to bite at your skin, humming softly at your taste.
Javier moves with ease through your apartment, like its his. The two of you take a pitstop in the kitchen where he pours a glass of water. He must plan to keep you in bed all night. You have no complaints, not when the focus for once will be on you. Then he’s guiding you to your bedroom, shutting the door softly. He shrugs out of his jacket and boots before returning to you where you stand at the edge of the bed.
“Eres preciosa,” He mutters under his breath, allowing his hands to run all over you.
Sure you picked out your favorite silk sleeping dress, the one that’s reserved for him or high paying clients— though lately, it’s been just for him. He’s seen you in this time and time again. And yet the way he’s looking at you…the way he’s speaking of you has your face hot.
“Stop it, Javi,” You murmur shyly. He’s the only one who can get you like this, easily worked up and bashful. You like it that way.
“I mean it, querida, you’re so beautiful,” He lets his hands move up, trailing over your breasts until one of his hands teases your nipple through the delicate fabric causing your breath to catch. He grins, satisfied with the sound. “So beautiful.”
“Javier, please,” You whine, your hands clutching at the fabric of his shirt.
The way you look at him, with wide, desperate eyes. He doesn’t stand a chance. “Alright, let’s get you out of this baby. See how wet you are for me,” He teases as he works you out of the slip dress.
Javier gently pushes you back until you can sit on the edge of the bed, and once you’re settled he drops to his knees, spreading you open so that you’re on full display for him. He lets out a loud, depraved groan, the sound shooting straight to your pussy. You’re so wet for him already, your sex glistening in the soft moonlight that spills through the curtains. He can’t wait to ravish you, to worship you. He’s lucky enough to get you like this and he will show his gratitude one stroke of his tongue at a time. On nights like tonight, Javier likes to pretend just as much as you do. You’re completely his and he’ll speak of you no other way.
“All this for me. All mine, look at you baby. So fucking wet just from my kisses?”
Your head is already spinning, every inch of your skin feels as if it’s on fire and he hasn’t even really touched you yet. You nod softly, spreading your legs a little wider for him, beckoning him in. Who is he to deny you?
Slowly, he kisses his way up your thighs, sucking and biting the way he had on your neck but with more pressure this time. Here he can mark you— it’s likely to go unnoticed. He sucks until a mark blooms on your thigh, the bruise contrasting with your skin. The sight of it has him wanting to rut against the end of the bed. To drop his pants and bury his cock in you until you both find your pleasure. But, this is just for you. He’s here to take care of you, it’s what he likes doing.
His eyes are hooded as they look up at you, watching for your reaction when he blows cool air over your clit. He loves the way you twitch, how your hips buck up ready to feel him. He can tell by the way you bite your lower lip that you’re about to open your mouth and beg— he gives you no time too. Javier leans forward, letting his tongue slide through your folds with no urgency.
It’s the start of bliss for the both of you. His tongue feels like heaven, even with the tentative, patient licks he’s giving you. He’s so warm, sending hot shocks of pleasure throughout your entire body.
Your heady taste in his mouth, Javi can hardly contain his hunger, smiling against you when he remembers that he doesn’t have to. He sinks further into you, nuzzling his nose against your clit, letting his tongue dip into your center.
“Oh, fuck— Javier,” You moan, arching into him, your legs falling open even wider until they can spread no more. You want him to see and devour every inch of you. Your hand raises to card through his hair, and when your gaze meets his, it’s just as heated, just as lustful.
“I know, querida. I know, feels so good doesn’t it, baby?” He murmurs knowingly against you, his tongue flicking your clit between each word.
“Mhmm,” You hum, letting your head fall back as you give in.
Javier takes his time. He winds you up tight with attentive licks to your clit before giving you a break, letting his tongue grow messy and lax with no direction. He’s teasing you, you both know that, but this you don’t mind. It’s not to be unkind, not to deprive you of anything but to draw out the limited time you two get to spend together like this.
Javi wants to be here with you as badly as you want to be here with him. The difference between you is that he doesn’t let himself dream.
This is what it is. This is what it will be. He’s accepted that.
“Javi,” You breathe, after the pleasure swells up inside you for a third time, only to be deflated.
Javi looks up at you, raising a hand to cup your jaw and bring your gaze to his. His stare is so intense, eyes so dark that they’re nearly black with desire. “You ready for it? You want me to make you cum? Just tell me.”
“Yeah, I’m ready. Please, Javi.”
“I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry. Relax, lay back. Let me take care of you,” He repeats his words from earlier.
As soon as you oblige, laying your back flat against the bed, Javier’s on the hunt for your orgasm, like predator chases prey. While his mouth focuses on your clit, suckling and flicking, he presses two of his fingers deep into your pussy, taking no time to find that sensitive spot. Despite the intentionality of his movements, he is gentle while coaxing your pleasure out of you. It’s erotic and sweet, it makes your heart ache. You fall over the edge in no time at all and Javier drinks endlessly, lapping up all of your slick with happy little moans.
You relax further into the mattress, your chest rising and falling harshly as you ride out your release. He’s moved away from your overstimulated center, kissing at your thighs and tummy while you return to earth.
“More, querida? Quieres más?”
“Yes,” You whisper— to him, to the darkness of the night like it’s some sort of confession. Javi doesn’t understand the double meaning, and you wouldn’t want him to, not when you know how it’ll end.
Yes, you want more. You want all of him, every day for the rest of your days. You want his declarations about being his to be true. You want him to be yours. Instead of voicing any of your internal turmoil, you sit up, cupping his face in your hands as you bend to kiss him for a taste of yourself on his tongue. He hums into your mouth, smiling against your lips as he rises carefully to his feet.
You make quick work of the buttons on his shirt as his hands take care of his belt and the zipper of his jeans, his boxers. Once bared to you, Javier slots himself between your thighs, thrusting so his cock glides teasingly through your folds.
You feel the head of his cock nudging at where you need him most. Pulling back to look him intensely in the eyes, you whisper, “Dame más.”
Yes, you want more, but you’ll take whatever he can give you.
javi taglist: @lesbianhotch, @bubblybubbubs, @sheresh0y, @jxvipike, @campingwiththecharmings
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mccn-bcys · 1 month
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Masha The Hero
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mccn-bcys · 1 month
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I’m in my sad moon knight era
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mccn-bcys · 2 months
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Boy Meets Cat, Boy Meets Girl
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pairing: steven grant x f!reader
prompt: kid fic or pet fic
contents: the feelings that come w/ temporarily losing a pet, meetcute, flirting
wc: 1,334
an: another promotional fic for @moonknight-events! steven is just…one of the sweetest, cutest men ever. written w/ the Marc’s girls server in mind, iykyk!
DISCLAIMER: as a event runner i will not be entered in the drawing for prizes. this is promotional only.
SP BINGO 2024 | moonknight masterlist
She’s sitting on the steps one day outside the museum after Steven’s shift. He almost walks right past her, bumbling down the steps with a soft hum. It’s been a long day of being yelled at atop getting sleep that just isn’t restful. He’s exhausted. He’s unobservant.
He’s nearly past her when he hears it— a loud, scratchy meow that catches his attention. Steven stops in his tracks, blinking rapidly.
Had he just heard a cat? On the museum steps? Sleep deprivation really was getting to him, wasn’t it?
He turns towards the sound, sure that there will be nothing there, that he is just hearing things. But there she is, perched on the museum steps as if she owns the place. She looks like a little heap of snow— her fur is fluffy and a stark white color that contrasts with her dark eyes and pink nose. He lets out a little sound of surprise, and then she meows back as if she’s answering him.
He laughs, a bright and cheery sound. “Well, hello there little one. Lost are we?”
She meows again, this time a little softer and if Steven wasn’t mistaken, a little sadder. He softens, taking a few cautious steps toward her so as not to spook her. When she does seem skittish, staying in place despite him closing the gap he simply sits beside her on the steps.
“Do you have a name, little one? Can I look at your collar? Promise I’ll be gentle,” He says, reaching his hand out to her.
She leans forward on her front paws, sniffing at the back of his hand before giving out a soft purr. She bumps his hand with the top of her head, nuzzling.
Steven takes this opportunity to reach under her chin, scratching gently before he leans in to peer at her collar.
“Iris— what a pretty name for a pretty cat.”
Another meow as Iris bulldozes her way into his lap. Steven gives her a series of pats, setting off several purrs that he feels vibrating through her spine. She's so fluffy, so soft. He could pet her for all his days. It’s nice to have this companionship, even if it’s just a cat. Hell, it beats talking to the statuer at the fountain in the park and Iris hasn’t spoken a word.
You know for a moment there, I wondered if you were the goddess Bastet,” He whispers playfully, like he’s keeping a big secret. Iris simply meows, using her paws to slip down and lay across Steven’s thighs. “Aren’t you cold? Is that a silly question given your fur coat?”
Steven lets himself sit, idly petting Iris as he watches the sun slowly disappear behind the London skyline. He’s completely charmed with this cat, with the peaceful feeling her company brings. Part of him selfishly thinks about taking her home and keeping her as his own. But, he knows if he’s this fond of her in a short period of time her owner is probably grief-stricken to be without her. He’ll take her home for the night and use his off day to pursue leads on her owner. Perhaps Marc could help with the tracking. For tonight though, he has some company and the idea has Steven rising to his feet, Iris in tow.
“How’s about we head on home and watch a movie? Are you a fan of Meerkat Manor? Or will seeing them scurry about get you revved up?” He whispers, ignoring the weird glances he’s getting from passersby.
As expected, Iris simply gives out a soft meow, snuggling further into Steven’s hold. He grins, raising a hand to pet her head as he rounds the corner, effectively running into someone.
“Iris! There you are. Oh my god, thank you. Thank you,” You gasp, reaching out to squeeze his arm.
If Steven thought he was charmed by Iris, he must come up with a word that holds more meaning at the sight of you. Your cheeks are tear-stained, eyes a mixture of happiness and guilt. Your brows are pinched together, and he has the urge to reach up and smooth out the wrinkle between them. The urge to soothe you. Even during the short walk, Steven had imagined his reluctance to give Iris back to her owner, but that’s all melted away now that you’re right in front of him. So, so beautiful.
“You’re Iris’ mum?”
“Yes. Fuck, thank you so much. I can’t– I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. I owe you.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it. I simply stumbled upon her outside the museum after work. I was gonna start looking for her owner tomorrow, imagined it was too late. But look at you, as diligent as ever.”
“The museum? What were you doing there?” You ask Iris before looking up at the man to whom you practically owe your life again. He’s very handsome, a little tired-looking but his eyes are warm, and his hair is fluffy curls. She’s everything to me,” You explain, squeezing Iris to your cheek, doing some nuzzling of your own.
Iris has clearly learned her affectionate manners from you.
Steven’s mind quickly wanders, wondering what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of your affection. He bats the thought away, flushing. “I can imagine, she’s a little charmer. Plopped herself right in my lap.”
“I’m surprised she got this close to you, she’s incredibly picky. She must sense that you’re a lovely person.”
“Well–I– I’m glad to live up to Iris’ standards. She seems to have good taste. Animals sort of choose their owners don’t they?”
“Thanks,” You murmur shyly, feeling your own cheeks fill with warmth. “I know that folks can say being a pet parent is cringy, but I really am lucky to be her mom. She has such an energy to her.”
“Warm. Calm,” Steven supplies, reaching out to pet Iris’ head, if only for the last time. She nuzzles into his hand and he smiles.
Your eyes track his hand, still a little surprised at how easily Iris is letting him pet her. She had hated almost every person you’d brought back to your apartment except a handful of friends. But, any romantic prospects had quickly made themselves scarce given your mean, overprotective cat.
“Exactly.”
“Well Miss Iris, I guess we won’t be getting to watch Meerkat Manor after all will we? Perhaps your mum could show.”
“Meerkat Manor?”
“It follows a little family of meerkats through the desert. Their struggles, their connections, their enemies. All sorts of things.”
“I’ve always been a fan of animal docs.”
“Yeah? I could recommend you loads of them.”
“I would really like that. I don’t think I got your name?”
“Steven.”
“Steven,” You repeat softly before giving him your name. “It’s really lovely to meet you. This is bold of me but…maybe we could see each other again?
Steven’s mouth drops open, eyes wide in surprise. “Really?”
“I told you I owe you and well– Iris seems to like you a lot. Maybe I could make you dinner as repayment and we could watch some meerkats live their lives.”
“I– yeah. Yeah, alright, I would love to.”
You and Steven quickly exchange contacts. He gives Iris a few more pets before rocking back and forth on his heels.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. Sound alright?” He asks, voice hopeful.
“Sounds great,” You confirm.
You shift Iris into the crook of your elbow, and to Steven’s surprise, wrap him in a one-armed hug as you whisper him a soft thanks. His response is delayed but he hugs you back, surrounded by your warmth and soft scent. After a few beats you pull away, giving him a smile as the two of you exchange temporary goodbyes. Steven makes his way back to his flat with a wide grin, grateful that Iris had brought the two of you together. Cat in arms, butterflies in stomach you walk home feeling much the same.
moonknight taglist: @ninebluehearts, @rmoonstoner, @hotchs-bitch,  @later-gators12, @foreverinwanderlustt-blog, @aleeb , @eyelessfaces, @marc-spectorr, @missdictatorme, @toracainz, @mccn-bcys, @campingwiththecharmings, @whatthefishh
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mccn-bcys · 2 months
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hi friends!
i finally returned to tumblr after a long hiatus! as some of you may know, i’m chronically ill and the last year or so has been particularly difficult for me. as of a few months ago, i actually had to quit my job because of how often i had to stay home sick and in pain.
because of this, i’ve been really short on money and even though my parents are trying to help me out a bit, the bills are really hard to keep up with.
i have a major surgery coming up at the end of March that costs thousands of dollars and i’m really freaking out about paying for it.
so..
one of the things that really gets me through my days is fiber art, particularly crocheting. i’ve been doing it for a couple years now and recently i’ve been considering starting a little tiny business out of it on Etsy or something like that. i haven’t started my Etsy yet but i was thinking of maybe selling a little more casually while i get started.
please let me know if you’re interested, and i can send you some pictures of my work. i can make anything from clothes (sweaters, tops, hats, gloves, anything) to blankets, amigurumi plushies, tapestries, keychains, you name it!
i never thought i’d have to do this, but I’ve also created a Kofi account. if you have a few dollars to spare, any size donation would mean the world to me and really help me pay for this surgery.
here’s the link to my Kofi, where you can send a basic donation, as well as (eventually) commission custom crochet products.
link to my Kofi
if you read through all of this, i appreciate you more than you know! 🫶🏼
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mccn-bcys · 2 months
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summary: javi rethinks his position at the DEA after you are put in danger because of his job.
pairing: older!javier peña x gn!reader
contents: talks of minor injury, reader is put in danger, javi has an anxiety disorder, intrusive thoughts are depicted
wc: 853
an: okay so i know i disappeared off the face of the earth for like over a year but i’ve been lurking and waiting for inspiration to hit me and! it finally did! i’m hoping i won’t go right back into writers block after this, bc i have soooo many fic ideas for you guys. this is just a little one to start, so i hope you guys enjoy!
“Javi, baby, look at me. I’m okay.” You said, taking his hands into yours tentatively. They were trembling slightly, almost like an extension of his quivering lips.
You got caught between him and a cartel member. Stupid, yes, but you had just gotten nicked, the injury so minor that you didn’t even need stitches. He got to you just a fraction of a second later. Soon enough to you, too late to him. His team took down the guy immediately, while Javi froze for a second, looking between you and the body laying across from you. Running over to you, he cursed when he saw the blood, his eyes wide with fear. A mixed string of anxious questions, apologies, and curses was spilling from his lips, so incoherent that you were worried he would pass out from the stress.
“Javi.” You repeat firmer this time, giving his hands a gentle squeeze. His eyes finally landed on yours for more than a second, filled with a look of pure guilt you had never seen in them before.
His fear of losing all of this, you, was consuming him. Already, he was picturing himself losing your future together, the possibility of kids, building a home together. It was swallowing him up so quickly that you wondered if you would even get a chance to show him that it was just a little scratch on your shoulder, thankfully. The only reasoning he could find for this whole situation was that he was at fault. He was too slow. Too old. Too distracted.
Before you could calm him down, he was rushing you over to the paramedics, demanding, rather harshly, that they treat you immediately. They cleaned the tiny wound, applying a bandage no more sophisticated than a normal bandaid. You were free of any other injuries and within a few minutes, you were turning to Javi again. He had that look in his eyes still, and without another thought you wrapped your arms around him. He let out a deep breath, pressing his nose into your shoulder.
“Let’s go home, yeah?” You murmured.
Javi carried that guilty look home with him. You had both taken deep breaths together, grateful that your injury was so minor. Both of you had calmed down for the other, making yourself available for comfort. But even now as you laid on the couch with him, your legs curled underneath you and your head resting on his chest, you could feel how tense he was against you. The arm he had wrapped around you had a certain weight to it, like he was scared to let you go but just as scared to touch you.
You could tell he was thinking about something, his expression looking so distant and unfocused. There was a space between the two of you as you let him sit with his thoughts, not wanting to disturb him just yet. He took his time, holding you close, purposefully entangled.
“I’m taking the job,” he said, after a long silence.
Looking up at him, you furrowed your brows a little in confusion.
“The lead agent job. The 9-5. M’done chasing around these guys for leads, putting you in danger.. I’m too old, too tired, too slow.”
You looked at up him with worry, parting your lips to speak before he interrupts you, “Baby-“.
Javi shakes his head, “I’ll be home for dinner, making more money. We could save up, get a new place.”
“Baby” you reach up to cup his cheek, “If this is because of what happened, please don’t quit. I’m okay, you’re okay. Everything’s okay, these things happen.”
This look flickers through his eyes, something you’ve never seen in him before. He looks younger for a moment, just a boy. A scared- No, terrified, boy. His eyes gloss over the slightest bit, and he shakes his head again, weaker this time.
“Once was enough. I just- I c-can’t, okay? I can’t do this anymore, not after today.”
His voice shakes a little this time, your heart breaking as that fear becomes more obvious. For a second, you consider countering him, but there’s no point. Javi’s about as avoidant as they come when it comes to his anxiety, but this was different. This was visceral and rooted in logic, and you quickly realize that there was no way he’d change his mind.
Nodding softly, you sit up and hug him around his neck, “Okay. You’ll take the job.”
He nods quickly, desperately into your shoulder, those words reassuring him, “M’taking the job.”
You repeat it back to him a few times, processing this change with him every time he repeats it. Running your hand up into his hair, you stroke his short curls, soothing him. Javi’s mind shifts from obsessive images of you, injured or worse, that his brain creates just to haunt him, to a future he can now guarantee. A safe, predictable future. One where he can be home every night for you, and hopefully your kids one day. The new thoughts calm him and he lets out a deep breath, sighing against you.
“Thank you.”
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mccn-bcys · 2 months
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Commissions now open!
Hi friends! I've found myself in a tight financial spot.
While fighting a very severe depression episode for a few months, I was unable to work as much as I needed to. That mixed with travel leaving my dorm and christmas break, I spent a lot of my money. I am behind on a few payments of things, including tuition, and will need gas money to get back to school. Im not super worried as I have most of january to work and save, and im working a lot! but A little bit extra would be helpful just to get caught up.
Who I write for: Most Oscar Issac characters (if you aren't sure, just ask. I'm open to trying something new!), The Four Miller Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Joel, Tommy, Will, Benny), Javier Pena, Han Solo, Kylo Ren. Open to other ideas just ask! As a note, my best writing, I feel, has been done on Santiago Garcia, Marc Spector, and Joel Miller. They are my special guys.
I'll write about any pairing except the obvious no's like incest and underage. X reader, gn!reader, trans!reader, NB!reader, oc's, threesomes, LGBT parings and so on. I've never written male reader, but I'm willing to give it go. Any mix of race, religion, gender, sexual or romantic orientation etc, I will write and do my best to research the experience and listen to your voice on it.
Content I will write: All the usual, from fluff to non con. dark does not phase me. Again, there's a few no's, and I really can't think of all fetishes off the top of my head so, just ask! No shame from me, I'm into feet and piss lol. Threesomes or group sex are a yes, so is mixing characters from different media (for example, im writing a santiago garcia x reader x javier pena fic)
Pricing: $5 USD per 1000 words.
Will take payment via paypall, cashapp, venmo, but for your safety b ware you can often see full names or numbers. I don't really care but just so you know! Also willing to do other stuff like zelle, as long as i trust they are reputable.
Any questions just go ahead and DM me or comment! I'm pretty wide open.
Thank you!
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mccn-bcys · 2 months
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WE HAVE A THEME & MOD APPLICATIONS ARE NOW OPEN!!
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Mod Application Form
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After collecting the feedback from the interest check, there were some common themes and interests that you all have voted for.
(More below the cut)
The majority of you are chomping at the BIT for idiots to lovers in the SFW portion of the interest check, however, a good portion also wanted enemies, exes, and childhood friends to lovers. Additionally, the majority of people voted for a coffee shop au out of the aus available. So we decided to go with a coffee shop themed fanzine with an emphasis on "blank" to lovers for the trope!
We were going to leave the coffee shop part out, but the whores in the interest check (I say as though I'm not one myself) voted for creampies and breeding, along with things like one bed, loss of virginity, rough sex, e.t.c.
So, given the coffee shop au situation for the SFW section, we saw an opportunity to get clever with the name and make them kind of go together, and thought "people can write/draw about breeding and creampies AND add the one bed trope, loss of virginity, rough sex, e.t.c. if they want to!"
So as you start thinking up the things you want to create for the zine, keep these guidelines in mind...
!!APPLICATIONS FOR ARTISTS AND WRITERS WILL ROLL OUT NEXT WEEK!!
SFW:
You'll be assigned the characters you will work on after the applications have been concluded. WE DON'T SUGGEST STARTING TO WORK ON ANYTHING UNTIL THEN.
Must have something to do with coffee/tea but doesn't have to be exclusively coffee shop au. For instance, if you wrote about Poe and wanted it to take place in the Star Wars universe, it doesn't necessarily have to be at a coffee shop, but should at least involve coffee in some way shape or form.
Fics will be kept between 1.5k min - 3k max word count.
SFW does NOT have to mean fluff, you can have angst, action, drama, e.t.c. It doesn't even have to involve romance!
No works may contain anything sexually suggestive, though light flirting or domestic fluff like kissing is allowed. Just nothing too heavy.
All pieces are x reader/x y/n. The gender of the blank reader/ y/n is at the sole discretion of the creator.
There is no skill or experience requirement to participate.
NSFW:
Must have something to do with creampies.
This is NOT a dark fanzine, therefore non-con, extreme dubious consent, and other dark themes are strictly prohibited. We may do a darkzine in the future but this ain't it.
Fics will be kept between 1.5k min - 3k max word count.
The work MUST contain sexual content, and a creampie of course <3
All pieces are x reader/ x y/n. The gender of the blank reader/ y/n is at the sole discretion of the creator.
No threesomes. I know I'm sorry, we're not against them, but in order to keep this zine organized the way we have it planned it just won't work out with more than one person.
No skill or experience requirement to participate.
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I'm so excited for you all to join us in this fucking EXCITING project coming up!!! I can't wait to see what you all create for it!!
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mccn-bcys · 3 months
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Personal Issue
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summary: santi invites you to his hotel room the day after your engagement to talk. he says the unexpected— that he’s in love with you.
prompt: "Why did you never tell me?" "It was a personal issue." "You being in love with me kind of also involves me." - @creativepromptsforwriting
pairing: santi garcia x f!reader
contents: get together fic, best friends to lovers, simp!santi (he’s lowkey a lil pathetic but i love him), angst, mental health issues/thoughts of dying, cheating, kissing
wc: 1,966
an: a teeny tiny something bc i miss santi. thanks to @ivystoryweaver for the beta <3
misc. masterlist
"Why did you never tell me?" You demand, unable to keep the horror out of your voice.
Santi ignores the way your tone scrapes at the wound in his heart— the wound that’s always been open because of you. Always fresh, unable to heal because of you. You always seemed to be just out of reach, slipping through his fingers for one reason or another.
"It was a personal issue,” He reasons, shoving his hands in his pockets.
He can hardly look at you. It’s humbling. He’s never had an issue with charming a woman, but you aren’t just any woman. You’re his best friend. There are too many eggs in this basket.
You scoff, crossing your arms against your chest, "You being in love with me kind of also involves me."
“I didn’t— things were different before.”
“Different,” You test the word, not at all buying it. It feels like bullshit. Like a cop-out.
“Yes, different. We were kids, and then I was gone all the time.”
“No, Santi, you can’t do this to me.”
Santi smiles, though there is no humor in it. You’re right— he shouldn’t be doing this. Not today, not any day, but he’s finally reached his limit. It’s now or never.
“I don’t really have a choice, now did I, cariño?”
You glare at him, about ready to rip his head off because that‘s not true. You and Santiago have known each other for most of your lives— and you’ve loved him for at least half that. He could’ve told you days, weeks, months, years ago that he felt the same. But in true Santiago Garcia fashion, thinking only of himself and the consequences that sit right in front of him, he’d told you today.
Today wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t the day after you’d gotten engaged. No, Santi chose the day after you’d finally given yourself to someone else completely, the day after you promised yourself you’d settle and try to stop loving him. What you’ve wanted for years and years on end has finally come and now it feels like some sort of cruel joke.
“That’s one of the most heinous lies you’ve ever told.”
“The Colombian government would disagree.”
“You know what— get the hell out of here. I don’t want to see you ever again. I can’t believe that you think you can just waltz right in here and—“
Santi takes two long strides towards you, closing the gap between you so that he can cup your face. “Tell me no. Say it. You have to say it to me.”
“Santiago, please,” You plead softly with him, your eyes round with fear. Your hands reach up to grasp his, making futile attempts to pull them away. “Don’t make me choose.”
Santi leans closer, the tip of his nose ghosting yours. His eyes are darker than usual, burning into you, a little angry— though he has no right to be— and a little desperate. “Why? Why not, hmm? He’s not that important, is he? Because you know you’ll choose me, don’t you?”
“Stop. Stop. Do you know how unfair this is? How fucked up it is for you to tell me this?”
Santi’s grip on your face tightens— it’s not painful but it’s frantic. You can feel the urgency in his fingertips. “Yes. Yes, I know. And I’ve always wanted to be better for you. I want to be a good man, I want to be worthy. Not some fucked up guy who’s better at killing than he is at telling the woman he loves how much she means to him. But, I’m not.”
“You could try.”
“I have. Don’t you get it, baby, I have. Yesterday when I saw those pictures. When I saw this—“ He tangles his fingers with your own, twisting your hand so you have to stare the ring sat on your finger in the face.
It glistens and gleams like it taunting you. It’s exactly what you wanted— the right cut, the right material—sparkling even in the dark. Your stomach churns at the sight of it. You shouldn’t have said yes, that much you know for sure. When you went back to your apartment last night you sat in the shower, your tears disguised under its spray. And when you had emerged, you’d made yourself a promise. To be a good and loyal spouse to the man that had actually chosen you.
“It drove me fucking insane. I lost it because I’m losing you. I had to try. If you say no, I’ll never come back. I’ll take assignment after assignment but if there’s even a small chance, baby, that you could still love me— because I know you did…I know you do.”
“I don’t want you gone forever, Santi. I said that because I’m angry.”
“You have every right to be.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that.”
“Then what do you need, huh? Tell me, and I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want.”
There’s more than one answer to that, but you have to give him the right answer. You’d just promised yourself last night that you would move on. Who knew that he would make it so difficult.
With a soft, shaky breath you say, “I…I need you to let me go.”
Santi goes dangerously still, his breath catching. “What?”
“I need you to let me go,” You repeat gently, closing your eyes so you don’t have to face him. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
The words sound syrupy in his ears, far away and unreal. He looks at you with confusion. “You want me to let you go?”
“Yes.”
The sharp anger and desperation in Santi’s eyes fade away, leaving his features soft and round and sad. So markedly sad. He lets his eyes trace your face for memorization; lips and eyes, the slope of your nose. He leans in to kiss your forehead, letting out a soft sigh.
Santi has done wrong by so many others and even done wrong by you. But this he’ll do right. If you want him to let you go then he will. He’ll let you walk out of here and never look back. Maybe he’ll get so involved in his work that he won’t think of you or this moment ever again. Maybe something will take him away completely. He flinches at his thought— it’s been a long time since something that has floated around in his mind like that. Taking a step away from you, he lets you go, fingers aching with the ghost of your skin against his.
You rest your face in your hands for a few moments, trying to pull yourself together. And when you straighten, you’re sure not to look Santi in his, just in his general direction. You’re broken enough and meeting his gaze would surely cause you to fall apart.
“Thank you, Santi,” You whisper, not trusting yourself to speak any louder.
He gives you a stiff nod, “Anything for you.”
Why do those words feel like you’re being stabbed in the heart? If he meant them, then why did he wait so long? Why did he do this to the both of you? Your vision blurs a bit with tears and you quickly grab your coat from where it’s laid on his bed, taking deliberate steps towards the door. Your hand lingers on the doorknob— are you sure that you want to do this? To walk away from the man you’ve always wanted?
“Wait,” He calls after you.
You freeze, but don’t turn towards him— that would be asking for trouble. Trouble you are trying so fucking hard to avoid. “What is it?”
“I just— I have to say it to you one more time because I don’t know if I’ll be able to again.”
“I told you I didn’t want you gone for good, Santi. We don’t have to do this, you can just let me walk away and we can act like it never happened,” You say, though you’re not sure if you’re trying to convince him or yourself more.
“I don’t think I can promise to stick around. I can’t watch you marry someone else. I’m not gracious enough, querida.”
“Okay,” You whisper, the tears in your eyes starting to fall.
“I…I love you. I always will.”
Silence falls between you two, an empty cove. Santi hopes that it’ll be enough, that somehow, miraculously you’ll turn around and run into his arms, telling him that you love him too. Instead, he hears a soft sob and watches as your hand rises to wipe at your face before you straighten up and step out into the hall.
When the door shuts behind you he feels like he’s drowning. Like he can’t breathe. His heart is thrumming loudly in his ears, and he crumbles, letting out a groan as his knees hit the ground.
What the fuck has he done? Lost you forever, and told you that he can’t stick around. That was the last time he would ever see you. A world without you is one he’s sure he doesn’t want to be in.
He’s completely paralyzed with fear. He’s not sure how long he sits on the ground like this, shocked and still, but eventually his body starts to ache so badly he’s unable to ignore it. He crawls to the bed, reaching up to rest his weight on it and lift himself onto it. Here he can rot until he can no longer. Until Frankie or Will or Benny come to bang down the door and figure out what the hell is wrong with him.
It’s not long after that that someone does start knocking on his door. Has it been days? One of them was here already. Santi feels like it’s been minutes and weeks all at the same time, time stretching and squeezing in a way that feels unreal. It takes real effort to rise out of bed and make his way to the door. He doesn’t bother to check who it is, opening it with no reservations.
Maybe he died of starvation or dehydration. He must have been lying there much longer than he thought because it’s you. You’re standing at the door, tear-stained and so goddamn beautiful. This has to be heaven— except he’s undeserving.
“I love you too,” You blurt out.
“What?”
“I love you too,” You repeat. When Santi says nothing, staring at you in a daze you start to ramble. “I tried to go home and I couldn’t sleep. And then I drove around a bunch but I couldn’t stop crying because how am I supposed to live my life without you? Then all of a sudden I was here again. I love you, Santiago.”
“You love me.”
“Yes, I love you. Are you okay?”
Santi feels like his body has recalibrated. “Am I— get over here,” He murmurs, reaching to pull you into his room and crushing your mouth to his.
He presses you against the wall, covering your body with his own as he completely devours your mouth, forcing his way in and sucking at your tongue. All you can do is melt into him, hands scrambling to find purchase in the fabric of his shirt so that you can clutch him closer. His mouth is firm and so sweet. You want to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him for the rest of your life. Something in your brain reminds you that maybe, just maybe, if he loves you as much as he claims he does you will. It has you giggling into his mouth.
He grins into the kiss. “My kissing is funny, is it?”
“Funny isn’t the word I’d use for it but just to be sure— kiss me again?”
“Anything for you,” He murmurs, his mouth capturing yours once more.
santi taglist: @jitterbugs927, @theconsultingdoctor10, @tanzthompson, @clairevoyanceee, @moonmalice, @tiffanypooh, @dearvirtualdiary-blog1, @marc-spectorr, @xbellaxcarolinax, @toracainz, @mccn-bcys, @missdictatorme, @whatthefishh
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mccn-bcys · 3 months
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4, 17, 47?
4. where do you fall on the political spectrum/ what do you politically identify as?
okay, so last I checked (meaning I took a test about it bc I don't know where exactly I stand in political terms, but I am more of a "Stressed Sideliner", which means I'm in the middle of Republican and Democratic.
17. what's your favorite candy?
I've really been liking Nerds Gummy Clusters lately.
47. are you more attracted to people older than you, the same age as you, or younger than you?
people older than me. in my dating life, they've been people who are a couple years older than me. my celebrity crushes are a lot older than me. so yeah, people who are older than me :)
invasive but general asks
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mccn-bcys · 3 months
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@spacecowboyhotch ik you sent an ask but tumblr fucked with me and deleted it but I'm still gonna answer
14. What color do you feel best represents you?
I've gotten golden yellow or burnt orange a few times
17. What's your favorite candy?
I've been really fond of Nerds Gummy Clusters lately.
invasive but general asks
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mccn-bcys · 3 months
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invasive, but general asks
how old are you?
what’s your sexuality?
what’s your relationship status?
where do you fall on the political spectrum/ what do you politically identify as?
how would you describe your personal style?
describe your gender identity with nongendered words:
have you ever been drunk?
do you or have you ever smoked w33d? if so what’s your favorite method of consumption?
have you ever done anything harder than w33d? if so what?
are you a virgin? if not what’s your body count?
what birth control methods do you use if any?
what fictional family best represents your own?
what color do you think represents you best (not necessarily your favorite color)?
how do you feel about cancel culture?
what’s your favorite tv show?
what are your top five favorite bands/ artists/ musicians?
what’s your favorite candy?
are you addicted to anything?
do you have stomach problems?
have you ever had a traumatic experience? if you feel comfortable sharing it what is it?
what are your thoughts on love?
do you have more male, female, or nonbinary friends?
have you ever smoked a cigarette?
can you separate the art from the artist?
why are you still on tumblr?
are you a clean or messy person?
do you have any tattoos?
do you have any piercings?
do you shave? if so and if you feel comfortable sharing, where?
are you mentally ill? if so what mental illnesses do you have?
do you collect anything?
what level of social distancing have you been doing?
have you gotten the covid vaccine?
what’s your most controversial opinion (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
who’s your favorite youtuber?
what’s your favorite holiday?
what are your favorite pair of shoes?
do you have any weird f3tishes?
what are your thoughts on baths?
what are your favorite musical genres?
have you ever had plastic surgery? do you want to?
what do you think is the best room color?
what books did you grow up with?
do you like skinny jeans?
what’s your favorite smell?
what are your biggest insecurities?
are you more attracted to people who are older than you, younger than you, or the same age as you?
are you afraid to walk alone at night?
can you drive? if so how old were you when you got your driver’s license?
capitalism, thouhgts?
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mccn-bcys · 3 months
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I'm such a hopeless romantic
I’m a lover. I want to drown in tenderness. I crave emotional intimacy. I’m a sucker for deep soul sessons. I’m at my best when I’m loved and when I’m loving.
Heavy on giving the sweetest and most tender love
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