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maynardowritesshit · 11 months
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Unconditional Love
Mother,
How conditional is your love?
You say I am beautiful, smart,
And kind
But what if I was none of those?
If I was ugly,
Would you still take my face in your hands and kiss my forehead?
If I was dumb,
Would you still believe my brain is worth something?
And if I was cruel,
Would you still believe there could be goodness lurking inside me?
Would you love me if there wasn’t?
Would you love me if I was unloveable?
I am scared of what your answer might be.
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maynardowritesshit · 2 years
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Lol should I tag people or just leave it like this...?
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maynardowritesshit · 2 years
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Would I be able to request a fic for Rebekah Mikaelson please? Where the reader is part of Elena’s gang and dating Rebekah. One day the gang think Rebekah is hurting the reader so they attack her, only to discover that they were on a date
I hope that all made sense 😂
Protectiveness All Around
Summary: The Mystic Falls gang attack Rebekah after mistakingly thinking that Rebekah is hurting Y/N, when they’re actually on a date. It turns out Y/N has overprotective friends and an overprotective girlfriend.
Authors Note: Thanks for requesting! I’ve missed writing TVDU.
Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)
TVDU Masterlist | Main Masterlist
PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.
header c @/seriesempsd
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“Has Y/N acted weird lately?” Caroline’s high-pitched voice sliced through the silence hanging in the air as she and her friends sat around the Salvatore house’s living room.
It was one of the rare days that they got a break from all of the supernatural and Originals’ drama, but despite that not the entire group was here, for they were lacking one member:
Y/N Y/L/N.
“She’s always acting weird,” Damon remarked, drawling his words out before grabbing his beer and taking a sip.
“Damon,” Elena scolded, lightly hitting his bicep, while Stefan just rolled his eyes.
“Seriously?” Caroline said to Damon before scoffing and crossing her arms, turning to Bonnie. “Isn’t she acting weird? She’s acting weird!”
Bonnie smiled, amused by her friend’s eagerness, but nonetheless found some truth in her words. “Y/N has been acting a little off, lately,” she calmly agreed.
“Where is she even?” Stefan wondered, realizing they hadn’t heard from her.
“How about we go find out?” Elena suggested, smiling and standing up.
The rest followed suit . . . except for Damon. He made a loud, dramatized groan and Elena and Stefan had to drag him to his feet.
Caroline was able to track Y/N through “Find My Friends” and they found that she was in a park. Heading over there, they looked around for their friend, but saw an unexpected sight.
Y/N was accompanied by none other than Rebekah Mikaelson. The group only saw the Y/N’s face and Rebekah’s back, but spotted Y/N rolling her eyes before Rebekah pulled her close.
Caroline gasped and said, at the same time as Elena, “Is she hurting her?!”
Damon reacted quickly, grabbing a stick and hurtling it at the blonde’s back. Y/N’s eyes widened when she saw the incoming threat and, before she could remember that Rebekah was a Vampire and could heel, she shoved her girlfriend out of the way, the stick stabbing her human stomach.
Everyone reacted quickly. The group ran over while Rebekah caught Y/N, lowering her to the ground. “What the bloody hell?” Rebekah yelled, an arm wrapped around her gasping girl.
“We thought you were hurting her!” Caroline cried, tearing up at the sight of her friend in pain. “You grabbed her and yanked her!”
“We were goofing around . . . on a date,” Y/N mumbled, eyes fluttering.
There was no time for Y/N’s friends to be shocked by this (though there was plenty of time later). They rushed to her side.
“Stay awake, love,” Rebekah murmured to her, hugging her close and glaring at the eldest Salvatore who was the cause of this.
Y/N mumbled something incompetent before Elena unexpectedly grabbed the stick and, without warning, pulled it out of her stomach, making Y/N let out a shattering scream.
Rebekah’s grip got tighter and they all glared at Elena. “Sorry! Thought it’d be better if she wasn’t anticipating it,” Elena defended sheepishly. 
The Original rolled her eyes and then bit her wrist, offering it to Y/N who, after a moments’ hesitation, accepted it. As she drank, her wound slowly healed until all that was left was a thin scar where the wood had pierced her. 
“Am I taking her back to your house?” Rebekah asked the brothers, though the question was more pointed at Stefan, who nodded. 
Y/N let herself be lifted into her girlfriend’s arms and before she knew it - they were Vampire speeding away. 
By the time the group got back to the house, Rebekah was sitting with Y/N on the couch who had fallen asleep, tired after what had happened. 
“So,” Stefan began as they entered the living room, only to be interrupted by Caroline. 
“You’re dating Y/N?!” Caroline cut straight to the point. 
Rebekah glared at her to lower her voice so as to not wake the sleeping human, but nodded. “Yes, I am,” she confirmed curtly. 
Bonnie walked forward. “Well, I’m very happy for you,” she said, before the positive gleam in her eyes dropped to more seriousness. “But don’t hurt her.”
Rebekah just smiled, appreciating the witch’s care over her friend. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Bennett,” she assured the younger woman, before returning her attention to Y/N, playing with her hair while the Mystic Falls gang continued their days. 
Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @hehehehannahthings @paulawand @blackbat2020 @cerberus-spectre @marrymemcgrath @celestialbarnes
TVDU Taglist: @marauderenergy @mycosmicparadise @xxxtwilightaxelxxx
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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MCU MASTERLIST
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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Movie Nights
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Request: Request for Damon👀so reader is bffs with Elena and she goes over to the Salvatore’s house to look for her and only Damon is home. So she waits on the couch and they end up watching a movie, okay but this happens often and Y/N slowly starts to become friends with Damon and maybe you could do like a scary movie and Y/N like cuddles into him, and then the last time they end up asleep on the couch and Elena and Stefan ✨ship✨ Them😂😂thank you soOoOoo much❤️❤️❤️
Word Count: 932
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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It's always going to be her {D.S} - part two
Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Fem!Human!reader, Kol Mikaelson x Fem!Human!reader
Summary: You left Damon because of Elena but he doesn't want to let you go while you and Kol get even closer than before
Warnings: yelling, angst, fluff
Authors note: This a part two because everyone wanted a part two and I did leave room for a part three it's about you guys. I also did this for the Original Wednesday because I didn't feel like writing smut again, so I chose this instead.
Fandom: Vampire Diaries / Word count: 1458
Vampire Diaries Masterlist / Originals Masterlist
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*Not my GIF
After Damon had left Y/n had enough, she pulled her phone out and started texting the one person she knew would help her.
Y/n: Can you come here and get me? Like with all my clothes and things, tell you later why.
The reply came immediately.
Kol: Of course, darling, I will be there in no time.
A few years back when the Mikaelson’s had came to Mystic Falls Y/n met Kol the youngest Mikaelson brother and they instantly bonded and became friends.
Kol had always more feelings for Y/n than friendship but because she was with Damon, he had never made a move.
But when the human asked him to get her, he knew that it had to do something with Damon and probably Elena because that guy couldn’t stop going and helping her when ever she called as if he was her lap dog.
Ten minuts later Kol stood infront of the Salvatore boarding house and when he was about to call Y/n the door flew open, and a crying Y/n fell into Kol’s arms. “He left me again…went to stupid Elena…” She sobbed.
Kol looked at her with sad eyes as he picked her up to walk her up the stairs in the Damon’s room where all of her things were.
“Okay darling, we are going to get all of you things in the bags I brought and then we will leave yeah?” He whispered and she nodded as an answer.
He let her down carefully before getting the bags while she went to the dresser and drawers collecting her clothes and other things, she had here but mostly clothes. Y/n was glad to have Kol because he made her feel like she was the first choice and not always the second.
It had been an hour since Kol was at the Boarding house helping Y/n when Damon walked in looking confused when he saw all the bags stuffed with clothes and Kol Mikaelson sitting next to his girlfriend.
“Am I interrupting something?” He asked, but Kol who had knew he was coming only shook his head with a smile. “Nope we were just leaving.” He said and took the bags in his hand.
Y/n was about to walk out but Damon stopped her with a glare. “You are going nowhere.” He ordered the human didn’t know what to say when luckily Kol came back. “Yeah, sorry man but no she is going and if you try to stop use, I will gladly hurt you.” The Mikaelson stood protective infront of Y/n.
“Why would she leave? She had everything besides, she is my girlfriend not yours.” “Because you always leave and do what Elena wants you to do and I’m so sick of that.” Y/n spoke up for the first time, she had grasped Kol’s hand which gave her the confidence.
“I don’t, you were the one that told me to help other people and-.” “We had an argument, then you fucked me and then you have nothing better to do than go to Elena after we had sex something that is supposed to be intimate!” She snapped at him while Kol just smiled proudly.
“We’re going now.” The Original stated and pulled the girl out of the house to his car and when Y/n was in the fresh air the first thing she did was take a deep breath before getting in the car.
“Do you think it’s like over now?” She quietly asked her friend who shrugged. “That is up to you but if you want to hear my opinion, I say it’s better like that.” Y/n sighed still not knowing what to do.
Kol drove them back to the Mikaelson mansion, where Elijah had already set up a room for her and Klaus made food in case, she was hungry. When they entered the house Y/n was greeted with the two Mikaelson brothers – Rebekah was on vacation with Marcel – the human was amazed by all the things they did for her.
“Thanks guys but you really didn’t need to.” Klaus shook his head with a smile as he stepped forward laying a hand on her shoulder. “You are right we didn’t need to, but we did anyways.” He responsed.
Kol who had enough of his brothers gaining up all the attention was asking Y/n if she wanted to see her room and unpack to which she nodded.
The days went by and the Mikaelson’s showered the girl with attention something she never had with Damon, and he had been her boyfriend, and these were her friends…so yes something was wrong in that relationship.
But while the four were having an insane amount of fun Damon on the other hand was miserable, instead of drinking two Bourbon bottles a day he drank four and some humans. Elena had called him many times, but he didn’t answer.
Until she showed up at his house wanting to know what his problem was. “Why aren’t you answering my calls?” She snapped but Damon only shrugged. “I don’t I just have been down a little while…you know that happens when your girlfriend leaves you and vanishes with an Original.” He just drily said.
Elena’s eyes widened and she sat down next to him. “Oh god! Why did she do that?” The vampire scoffed. “She left because I acted like your lap dog, you call I come.”
“I don’t get what’s wrong with that.” Damon raised his eyebrows at her not understanding manner. “What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with that is that my girlfriend left me because I gave a stupid doppelganger more attention that the woman I love!” He shouted at her and thru the glass in his hand against the wall.
“But Damon…” “No Elena. I should have been better to her and now look what I have done, oh and it’s your fault too.” The brunette gasped offended. “How is that my fault.” Now the vampire stood up a look of disbelief on his face.
“Because you knew I would come, used it and not only did you saw how she felt you also knew how she felt and now get out.” Elena went to protest but when she saw Damon’s mad expression she walked out as fast as she could.
Damon had to find a way to get Y/n back but with the Mikaelson’s at her back it was going to be a difficult task, but Damon knew for sure he had to get her back.
*~~~~*
“Kol stop!” Y/n giggled as he tickled her, the both had watched one of her favourite movie’s and Kol started to make sarcastic comments, so she slapped him playfully which ended with her curling on the couch with Kol tickling her.
“Are you surrendering?” He asked with a cocked eyebrow, but she only shook her head, so he began to tickle her again. “Okay, okay! I will surrender!” She squeaked.
She breathed heavily trying to calm down while the Original laughed at her. “Can’t even have an evening in peace with you.” She complained with a smile, the vampire only laughed harder.
“But come on how can ‘the Beauty and the Beast’ can be your favourite movie.” He said and Y/n looked at him shocked. “How can it not?!” The human exclaimed while throwing her arms up. Kol huffed at her causing her to raise her eyebrows at him and in the next moment she had jumped on his back making him fall forward and down from the couch with Y/n.
The both started laughing as Y/n rolled of off his back, they looked at each other causing them to laugh again.
Suddenly Y/n snorted causing her to clap her hands over her mouth in embarrassment, Kol only chuckled. “No need to hide that darling I found that quite adorable…as if you were my little pig.” The girl gasped and sat up.
“Kol!” Y/n gasped fake offended, she crawled on his chest sitting on it. “Take that back.” She demanded while he just smirked. “Make me…” Y/n let out a breath.
She took his wrist putting them over his head and Kol let her, she knew he was stronger.
The human’s face got closer to the vampires tricking him into thinking she was going to kiss him and right when she was about to close the gap as Kol thought, she stopped her face only inches away from his. “Take that back.” She whispered a hint of demand in her voice.
Right when Kol was about to say something the front door bolted open revealing an angry Damon standing there, the two suddenly stopped their doing and Y/n got up from Kol to stand up and look at her ex-boyfriend.
“Damon what are you doing here?”
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If your name is red than I couldn't tag you and you will be removed from the Taglist
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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Jealous, much? | Damon Salvatore x reader
Requested by @zarikaila / Summary:  Elena is jealous of you and Damon’s relationship.
A/N: So sorry for the long wait! I wasn’t sure if you meant her being jealous of you and Damon’s friendship or the two of you dating so I just made an assumption. I hope you enjoy! xx 
Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx
**MASTERLIST**
Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED
** Rules for Requesting **
** Who I Write For **
********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS
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There was no denying the history Damon and Elena had shared. Damon had loved Elena and Elena had loved Damon at one point. However, Damon found his feelings for Elena were only because of Katherine and Elena was not Katherine. And when he figured that out by himself, a whole new world opened up before him. You. 
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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Uhh saving this for later 😳
Double Mischief (NSFW)
Loki x Reader x Sylvie
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A/N: And here were are! I just couldn’t help myself! Enjoy! ;-)
Words: 2519 Warnings: pure smut, threesome
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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I wasn’t there
Bucky x reader
Word count: 2510
Warnings: self harm/self harm scars, little bit of angst, mostly comfort, tears
Summary: Reader self harms and Bucky sees her scars one day on a mission by accident. He feels guilty and wants to help her as much as he can now that he knows. 
Based on the quotes: “Show me your scars, I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there”
A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to the anon who sent this in! Not going to lie I was bawling writing this, I love it so much. This deals with heavy topics and mental health so as always, if you feel that reading this will be harmful to your journey in any way, please feel free to skip it. As always, I am here to talk about anything you guys may need. 
A/N 2: Ok there’s a part at the end that I don’t think is technically canon but it’s rumored and has been talked about before in regards to some of Bucky’s scarring on his left arm. I know it’s not a confirmed canon thing but it honestly works so well and I believe it’s true, please don’t come at me for that. <3
Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @abitgryffindorky @buckfics  @freigeistundanderes  
Main Masterlist 
——————————
You trudged back to your room in the compound, exhaustion taking over your body. You had just gotten back from a mission that had taken the life out of you, more so than any others on the team. You had the power to control elements, but whenever you did it drained the energy out of you. At one point you had been surrounded, forcing you to lift the ground around you to knock everyone back. 
It was more than you had ever done at once, and nearly made you pass out. 
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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I can’t be alone right now (Bucky Barnes x Reader)
“I can’t be alone right now”
Bucky barnes x reader
Word count 2102
Warnings: depression, self harm, panic attack
Summary: Bucky knows that the reader used to self harm, and tells them that they can come to him if they feel the urge. Usually they’re able to handle it on their own, but one day it’s too much to handle alone. 
————-
You and Bucky were perfect for each other. You loved him for everything he was and had been through. You helped him whenever he had nightmares no matter how early in the morning it was. You had helped him get a lot of his memory back. And he supported you through everything too. He knew you battled depression and used to self harm. He understood that you’d have flare ups and relapses from time to time and made sure to never be angry with you about it. He made sure you knew you could ask him for help, no matter what time of day it was.
The two of you really did love each other. Everything had been going so well, which was why you didn’t quite understand why you would still want to hurt yourself every few days. You didn’t always talk to him about it for a few reasons. You could usually get through it on your own, and you didn’t want him to get too worried.
But something was different today, and you could feel it from the moment you opened your eyes.
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love
Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!
Word count: 3,400 (ish)
Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.
A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.
Overnight
People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.
These things rarely happen overnight.
You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.
You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.
It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.
You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.
The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.
See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.
He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.
Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.
Which, you were.
Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.
Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”
You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.
Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.
You were tired of living this way.
You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.
You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.
Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.
Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.
But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.
These things rarely happen overnight.
Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.
You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.
But that only made Bucky worry more.
The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.
But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.
Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.
He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.
He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.
Where the hell were you?
You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?
Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”
“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”
Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.
---
You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.
You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.
You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.
You were scared.
You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.
You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.
You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?
Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”
So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?
You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.
These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.
You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.
“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.
You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.
“Y/n, can you come down from there?”
“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.
“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.
“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.
“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”
“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”
“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”
You heard his footsteps stop.
“This isn’t going to solve anything.”
You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”
“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.
But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.
“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”
You shook your head. “No one can help me.”
“At least let me try,” he said gently.
“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”
You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”
You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -
You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.
But it just hurt so much.
You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.
And it was torture.
You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.
You didn’t want to be alone anymore.
You’ve been alone for too long already.
You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.
“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.
Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.
“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”
People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.
Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.
“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.
Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.
“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”
“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.
“Why not? What’s so bad about asking for help?”
You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”
“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”
“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”
You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”
You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.
“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”
I wasn’t alone
“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you
These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.
You gave a small nod. “Okay.”
---
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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A Deeper Rage (Loki/Reader Lullabies #196)
Fandom: Marvel/Avengers
Pairing: Loki/Female Reader
Category: Fluff, then angst, then fluff again. Hurt/comfort too?
Rating: PG, maybe?
Summary: Loki has long been able to see the value in holding his tongue, in restraining his temper. But when your mother makes him so angry that he can't control himself, how can he make it up to you?
Warnings/Notes: There's parent nastiness in here. Hints of verbal abuse, if not outright verbal abuse. The reader is not in any physical danger because it's all via videochat, but it does get inside her head for a bit. If you've ever had to experience something similar, please please take Loki's words at the end to heart. It is not your failing. It is theirs.
New but Retroactive Reminder for this and all of my fics: I do not, have not, and will not give anyone permission to copy/paste, translate, or otherwise take or modify this story to post it anywhere else. You can find my stories here on Tumblr or under kaeorin on AO3, but nowhere else. This does not apply only to fics which hold this disclaimer--NONE of my works are to be stolen or modified. Additionally, please remember that Liking a post on Tumblr does not increase the author's exposure. I don't run your life, but readers should be reblogging the works they like.
A Deeper Rage
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Loki was well-versed in the importance of holding in his temper. It was a point of pride for him, actually: that he could seethe quietly on the outside while, on the inside, every last part of him was screaming to leap into action. There was a lot to be said for keeping quiet, after all, and growing up with Thor had more than taught him the value of holding your tongue, rather than flying off the handle at every given slight. Coming to Midgard had only reinforced that. For a long time, the heroes in Stark Tower had done very little to hide their suspicion of him, their distaste. If he’d bared his teeth and snarled at them every time they cracked some foolish joke at his expense, existence would have been so much more miserable.
But he wasn’t in the Tower anymore, thank goodness. Over a year ago, he’d come to join you here in your own smaller, more private apartment, and every morning that he woke up beside you, he took a moment to be endlessly grateful that he had. The heroes were not here to sneer at him or to taunt him, which meant that it was increasingly rare for him to have to hold his tongue. You did not look at him the way they did. You did not rile him up the way they did. On the rare occasion that you did press a few too many of his buttons, he would look up at you and see a knowing sort of glint in your eye, and it always made him relax again. You didn’t like to fight, and you didn’t like to wind him up. But you did like to push him, just a little bit, until he growled at you low in his throat and pulled you in for a kiss.
So perhaps his self-control was waning a bit. He didn’t have as many opportunities to practice keeping his temper anymore. He didn’t need to. Living here in this place with you, he was slowly coming to accept that...well, that you accepted him. Every time he revealed some hideous new part of himself, and then tried to shy away from what would surely be the heartbreaking expression on your face as you finally realized that he was simply too much, you took him into your arms and kissed his cheek, or his forehead—anywhere you could reach, really, especially when he couldn’t offer you his lips—and you held him so tightly.
Everything about you seemed so impossible. How someone like you came to exist in this realm, he’d never figure out. You were at once gentle and strong, tender and determined, soft and pliant and iron-willed. At night, holding you close in his arms, he sometimes dreamed about you all the same, like his mind simply could not go an entire night without you. He’d never known anyone like you, not in the entirety of his life. Whatever cosmic glitch had led him here, to your arms, to your heart, he was hellbent on taking advantage of it before the universe righted itself again.
He spent the afternoon chasing you through Central Park. It was your idea. That morning, you’d woken up and suggested that the two of you go for a run. You didn’t seem to like being pent up in your apartment for too long at a time—well, that, or you somehow knew that he wasn’t crazy about it, either. Regardless, he’d agreed, and after a light lunch, the two of you dressed in comfortable clothing and set out. It did start out as a standard run: he slowed his pace considerably so he could run beside you and keep from startling the other mortals in the park that day. Over time, perhaps his competitiveness—or his deep-seated desire to show off and work for the attention he craved so dearly—took over, and he started to push ahead, challenging you to races. Both of you knew that you didn’t stand a chance, but you played along every single time, pushing yourself to sprint to the next landmark, only to laugh and collapse against him when he inevitably made it there just moments before you did.
He liked that. When you leaned into him and allowed him to support you while you laughed. While you laughed because of him. The two of you shared endless kisses there in the summer sun: largely chaste, though loving, and nothing inappropriate for public. He couldn’t get enough of you. Even when you started to groan about how much you were sweating, and tried to avoid his touch, he kept pulling you in again. Sweat didn’t bother him. The distance between you did.
A little while later, when the two of you were taking turns drinking from a bottle of water, you held it out to him, only to squeeze it, hard, when he reached out to take it. Water splashed into his face, and he heard your sweet laughter ring out above his spluttering protests. The coolness felt good, make no mistake, but this was something that demanded retribution, did it not? He wiped his eyes and glared at you, but when he went to reach for you, you took off.
And he gave chase.
You were the first to tire, naturally, and he slowed down a bit as well, watching as your body gave those telltale signs that you were running out of steam. Norns, you were gorgeous. He was struck—and not for the first time, nor the last—by the desire to sweep you up in his arms and crush your body against his own. When you paused and turned to offer the time-out sign to him, breathing heavily, he didn’t give in. Rather, he barreled into you and lifted you off of your feet so that he could press you against the trunk of a tree and rub his face, wet with water but also with sweat, all over yours.
You shouted your protests through your laughter, and tried (but not very hard) to push him away from you with your hands on his chest. When he finally felt that you had been properly chastised, he did relent, and instead planted a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose.
“You’re disgusting,” you groaned up at him even as you interlaced your fingers behind his neck to keep him from pulling too far away from you. He smiled wide.
“You love it, darling.” He stole another kiss before finally taking a step backwards and holding out the remnants of the water bottle. You reached for it, but he pulled it away from your grip. “I’d say you’ve lost the privilege of holding it, wouldn’t you? Aren’t you thirsty?”
You dropped your hands and gave him a level look, but he held steady, lowering the bottle to your lips and arching an eyebrow at you. He could see the way you tensed even as you leaned forward to take a sip. You were bracing yourself for a similar blast to the face, and it made him smile. Because, despite the way you were so certain that he would do the same thing to you that you’d just done to him, you still trusted him enough to take a drink. His chest felt tight as he watched you drink, slowly relaxing into the belief that he wouldn’t do it.
And he wouldn’t. This anticipation was delicious enough for him right now.
When you finished, you wiped your mouth and gave him a skeptical look, which of course prompted him to duck down a bit and kiss your forehead.
“Loki, I’m gross,” you whined, tilting your head backwards as though to get away from him. When he was finished, you wiped at your forehead with your arm.
“You’re perfect.” Had he ever meant anything more than that? Every single thing you did, no matter how automatic or thoughtless it seemed—it all made his heart swell with love for you. You seemed so impossible, and yet here you were.
On your way back to your place, the two of you stopped at a little ice cream shop he knew you liked. With the treats procured, you ate and chatted back and forth on the way back to your place. He finished first. He usually did. Ice cream was something uniquely Midgardian, but also uniquely delicious. It was hard for him to draw it out the way you did: hard for him to eat it slowly and savor it. By the time you were unlocking your apartment door, all that remained of Loki’s cone was a stickiness on his hands and face, while you still had a good portion of yoursleft. You flopped down onto the end of your sofa, prompting Loki to lean in for a sweet kiss. And then a quick bite into your ice cream. And then another, even sweeter kiss, even as you tried to protest against his lips.
“Finish up, so we can take a shower,” he urged, nudging at the bottom of your cone. Of course, he could clean himself immediately, and magically, but there was a lot to be said for standing under the spray of a shower with you.
“Just for that, I think I’ll call my mom,” you taunted, and then took another painfully-tiny lick of your cone. He groaned and slipped away into the bedroom to gather up a change of clothes for the both of you. After that, he made his way into the bathroom to get things set up just right. He did a quick once-over of the products in the shower, to make sure it was fully-stocked, and then set about gathering up some of the many candles you kept in your place. It took a while, but at long last everything was set up in just the right way. He couldn’t wait to see your face when you saw what he’d done. He took his hair out of the pony he’d put it into for the run and brushed it out, but then it wasn’t long before he became impatient and slipped out of the bathroom to go and see what was holding you up.
He knew that something was wrong before he heard anything. The last bits of your ice cream cone were melting on the coffee table. You’d told him over and over again that that was the best part of the whole treat: when the ice cream melted into the bottom of the cone and made it soft and sweet and creamy. He raised his eyes from the mess to your face, and his heart froze. He recognized the hollowness in your eyes—you looked like that, sometimes, when you woke from a nightmare, or when you slipped into one of those awful panic attacks. You didn’t look up when he stepped into the living room, but he did see the way your fingers twitched at the side of your phone. You were turning down the volume even as a familiar voice—your mother’s—droned from the speakers.
“...should know better than that. I raised you better than that. Ice cream in the middle of the day? You don’t think you’re fat enough? What are you even doing with your life except wasting it on ice cream and sitting around? If I knew you were going to live your life this way, I would have left you at the hospital, or I wouldn’t have put myself through the pain of giving birth. You’re such a disappointment, do you know that? Your aunties are always asking about you and if you’ve got a family yet and the only thing I can tell them is that you’re eating yourself to death. How are you going to find a husband, looking like that? How are you going to convince a man to love you?”
And the foulness went on, but Loki’s vision went white. Who did that crone think she was, speaking to you like that? How could someone like her have raised someone as miraculous as you? By the time he came back into himself, you were trying to speak over her, raising your voice as much as you could dare even as she went on spewing filth. He wanted you to look at him. If he could have met your eyes, perhaps the quiet strength he always saw there might have helped him keep things under control, but you were studiously avoiding his gaze. In a moment, he’d snatched your phone away from you and held it up to glare at the woman on the screen. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of him, but that barely registered in his mind as he returned fire, as it were, telling her exactly what he thought of someone who spoke to her child like that.
“I have lived more than a thousand years—I have lived longer than your tiny brain could possibly comprehend—and never in all my life have I met anyone even half as miraculous as your daughter, and I’ll be damned if I stand by any longer and allow you to fill her head with that garbage. Do you understand me? For her entire life, you have been cruel and evil and disgusting, and despite all your best efforts, she has become kind and strong. You will not speak to her like that any more, not as long as I draw breath. If I ever hear even half a syllable of your insidious brand of hatred whispered in her direction, I will find my way to you and I will make sure that you never speak a word again. Do you understand that? She is my beloved, the treasure of my heart, and were you anyone other than her blood, I would already be displaying your head on a pike for the evil you have wrought upon her. This is your warning. You will not get another.”
And with that, he smashed his finger against the red button to end the call and only barely managed to keep himself from smashing the damned device into pieces on the floor. His chest was heaving. It was strange, he found himself thinking, to be so angry with someone and to be so unable to do anything about it. It was probably for the best. If your mother had been here in your apartment, he would almost certainly have put his hands on her, and that...would have been a disaster. He let his shoulders slump forward and then turned to hold your phone out to you.
What he saw made his stomach drop. You were hunched over a bit, your body curling in on itself as though to protect you from something. From him. He said your name; you didn’t look up.
He stood there several moments too long, completely lost. Helpless. He had no idea what to do. It was clear enough that his fit had frightened you. Had he been shouting? He couldn’t remember. He’d certainly never shouted at you like that, but surely at some point he’d shouted in your presence?
He took a careful step forward. Another. Thankfully, you did not cringe away, but neither did you relax. After holding your phone out to you for a moment, he stepped just a little closer to slide it onto the cushion beside you. It felt important to him that you have access to your phone right now. If you were afraidof him, he wanted to be sure you knew you had access to the outside world. When you brought your hand down to touch your phone, he retreated again, putting several large steps between you in hopes of allowing you to feel more comfortable.
“I should not have lost my temper like that,” he said, keeping his voice as low and quiet as he could. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m sorry.” Apologies had never come easily to him, but here, now, in this moment, he knew he would do anything to make this up to you.
You drew in a soft breath, let it out again. “You—didn’t.” He wanted, so badly, to believe you, but the quaver in your voice betrayed the truth. His arms ached to hold you.
His mind raced. What sort of explanation could he offer you? Of course he wanted to justify his behavior, explain that your mother’s words had merely set off something deep inside of him, some sort of primal, possessive rage, but that wouldn’t help. You didn’t need his excuses. “I can see that I did, darling. You don’t need to hide that from me. Please believe that I would never hurt you. I would never shout at you like that. I know I should not have shouted at herlike that.”
“No, Loki, I—I know that.” You rubbed one hand over your face before finally, finally, looking up at him. He could still see that hollowness in your eyes, but now it was accompanied by...shame. His stomach turned. “It’s okay. I’m fine. She does that all the time; I’m used to it.”
Quickly, he had to tamp down the fresh rage that surged inside him. He must have managed, though, because when he took a single halting step forward, you held his gaze rather than cowering away from him. There was so much he needed to say to you right now, but it was hard to know what was appropriate. What you needed from him. If the roles were reversed right now, you would be perfect. You would know exactly what he needed to hear from you, and you would offer it up without a second thought, because that was merely who you were. But he still felt like he had to cast about for words.
“That’s not okay, dear heart.”
It wasn’t great, but it’d do.
You lowered your eyes, then, picking absently at some imaginary spot on the back of your phone instead of replying. You looked so small, so...alone. He fought like hell to keep from closing the remaining distance between the two of you.
“I mean it. She doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t know you, clearly, or she’d know how sweet and charming you are. She’d know how hard you work, all the time, to make things better for everybody else. She’d know that you are perfect, and loving, and strong.” He paused for a moment, thinking, and then tilted his head to the side. “And she’d know how absolutely goneI am for you, how madly in love, and not because you’ve convinced me to be that way, but because that’s the only natural reaction that anybody could possibly have when they’re faced with the miracle of you.”
Thankfully, you did look up at that. He didn’t have to touch you to know the heat that would have risen into your cheeks. He could see the way it made your eyes glitter a bit. If you needed him to throw himself at your feet, absolutely prostrate himself before you, to show you that he meant what he was saying, he’d do it in half a heartbeat. But there was something in your face that made him suspect you were already beginning to soften to his words. You were stubborn, that was for sure: you had never in your life accepted a compliment the first time, but he watched as he rolled your eyes a little and dragged yourself to your feet to close the distance between the two of you yourself.
It felt like it took centuries, but when you stepped into his arms, he could breathe again. He held you tight, like he could will his adoration into you through sheer force, and you held him just as tightly. He buried his nose in the top of your head and breathed in the scent of you: the sunlight, the exertion, the laughter. You were more than where you’d come from. In some ways, perhaps he owed your parents a certain amount of gratitude, even if for no other reason than that they’d produced you in the first place. But he was a long way away from that still. As long as he had to help pick you up after they’d shattered you yet again, he wasn’t interested in sparing them more than a passing thought.
“The failing is theirs,” he whispered fiercely into the top of your head. “It’s not yours. It’s never yours. You’ve done nothing wrong. You could be everything they claim to want, and they’d still take issue with you. That’s them, darling, not you. Please never forget that.” It was absolutely bewildering to think that anyone could find fault in someone like you. If he hadn’t just overheard all that, he might not have believed it.
You tried to shrug—he felt the way your shoulders started to rise—but, thankfully, stopped partway through. “I just want to be good enough for them.” Your voice was scarcely a whisper. He knew that, if he were to pull away and look you in the eyes, you would certainly be on the verge of tears. But he stayed right where he was, and let you seek shelter against his chest. He’d give you your privacy in this.
“That’s admirable, love, but entirely unnecessary. I think you’ve already grown so far beyond what they could possibly imagine that they don’t know what to do with you. It makes them angry. But it is not your fault that they dreamed too small. It would be foolish to cut off pieces of yourself to fit into the shackles they’ve created for you. Do you understand me?”
After a long pause, he finally felt you nod, just barely, against his chest. He murmured soft praise against your ear and tightened his arms around you just a little bit more. He’d never be able to get enough of you, would he?
You drew in another breath, this one finally sounding a bit less shaky than the others. “Would you— Um. I want to shower now, is that okay? I’m all gross.” It wasn’t hard to hear the question you weren’t asking. Perhaps you were afraid to ask it. Will you shower with me?He’d never be able to forgive that woman for making you doubt so much about the two of you. With some amount of effort, he released you, only so he could cup your face in his palms and tilt your head upwards to look at him. He could spend entire days and nights working to banish that uncertainty from your eyes. For now, he offered you a smile and ducked down a little to kiss your forehead.
“You’re perfect. Now come on, sweet girl, I’ve been waiting all this time.”
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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Peter, to The Avengers: Hey guys, wanna play a game?
Tony: Sure. What game?
Peter: It’s called “The Avengers Or Food”. I tell you things Y/N has said, and you have to guess if they said it to us or food.
Natasha: This doesn’t sound hard at all.
Peter: You sure? Quote one: “I would die for you.”
The Avengers: 
Natasha, under her breath: Fuck.
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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one of my favorite (out of the many things) that i absolutely fucking love about MCU fanfic writers is the unspoken agreement that all the avengers live in the compound together, Nat and Tony never died, steve never left, and thanos didn’t happen. Like every fanfic i read is all the avengers living together going on hydra missions and it’s one of the few things that bring me genuine joy. if ur a fanfic writer i love u and appreciate u. don’t forget that.
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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Sneaking In
relationships: Stucky x chaotic!reader
word count: 1.5k
summary: You try to sneak in after a late night mission but your (very protective) boyfriends can't sleep without knowing their best girl is safe.
warnings: hinted at nsfw, protective stucky, lots of fluff
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[gifs not mine]
You try to sneak into your shared apartment quietly, praying that your boyfriends are already asleep, although you know that’s just wishful thinking. Because of their stupid enhanced hearing a mouse could wake them up, and on top of that they’ve told you multiple times they don’t sleep much when you’re gone (which is extremely touching but in this situation it’s just annoying.)
It’s not that you don't want to see your favorite overprotective beef cakes, because Thor knows you’ve missed them, but you're tired and sore and don't feel like going through a play by play of your entire mission to Steve while Bucky dutifully checks you for injuries. Your protests of “honey, you’ll read my mission report tomorrow,” and “love, I’ve already been to the med bay,” are all but ignored.
You tiredly strip off your suit, tossing it into the living room somewhere, leaving you in a sports bra, compression shorts, and the necklace Steve and Bucky gifted you when you became official. You shiver from the sudden exposure but still make your way to the kitchen for some ice cream because you deserve it dammit.
Familiar mismatched arms wrap around you from behind, one cold and one warm, pulling you back against a strong chest. You let out a less than graceful squeak for a badass superhero, almost dropping your tub of frozen desert in the process.
“Buck! Don’t sneak up on me like that.” You whine, not caring how childish you sound. You feel his stubble tickle your skin as he nuzzles into your neck, pressing gentle pecks. “You should pay better attention, doll. What if I was someone trying to hurt you?”
You roll your eyes, smiling fondly as you turn into his arms (after putting the ice cream down of course), resting your head on his bare chest. “No one can get into this tower. Besides, you and Stevie always watch my back.”
You listen to his heartbeat as he pulls you flush against him. “Damn right,” he promises, tilting your head up for a sweet kiss, but pausing when he sees the bruise on your face. You pout, trying to reach his perfect mouth, but Bucky is more focused on your small injury. He cups your face, eyes squinting in the dark to see you more clearly.
You huff, pressing your lips against his. “It’s just a small bruise, and I didn’t even get it on the mission.”
“What? How did you get it?”
You look away, mumbling your answer, “I kind of tripped when I was getting off the quinjet.”
You hear and feel his laugh as he runs his hands over your bare midriff, amusement clear in his tone when he teases you, “what are we gonna do with you, doll face?”
“Sweetheart?” A deep voice interrupts. You squirm in Bucky’s hold, grinning when you see your blonde boyfriend standing in the entrance of the kitchen, also shirtless, looking like a very sleepy greek god.
“Stevie,” you beam, instantly reaching out to him. Bucky grins at your adorableness but furrows his eyebrows when he notices Steve’s grumpy appearance.
“Why didn’t you call? Or text? We had no idea if you were ok.” He scolds, stepping closer to check for injuries.
You frown, not liking being deprived of Steve cuddles. “Well I kind of feel asleep on the ride home and it’s the middle of the night, I figured you would be asleep too.”
Bucky looks down at you, still in his arms, “is that why you fell? Because you had just woken up?”
Steve raises his eyebrows, “fell?”
You pout, hiding your face in Bucky’s neck, “I didn’t fall, I tripped.”
Bucky chuckles, “our genius girlfriend fell getting off the quinjet.”
You pinch Bucky’s side, where you know he’s sensitive, and grin at the loud yelp. Steve finally cracks a smile and you take that as your invitation. You move yourself from Bucky’s embrace to practically fall against the blonde. He easily catches you, large arms flexing as they wrap around you protectively.
You feel his tense body relax and felt a wave of guilt for worrying him (even if it wasn’t really your fault.)
“I’m guessing that’s how you got the bruise? You tripped?” Steve questioned. You wondered how he even noticed the small mark considering he only saw you for a minute before you collapsed into his arms, but you know how observative your boyfriend can be, especially when he’s worried. You simply hum, enjoying his embrace.
You’re quiet for a moment before you speak up again, “i’m sorry, Stevie,” you mumble, placing soft kisses on his warm chest. He runs a big hand up and down your back, the motion almost putting you to sleep. The tiredness you have been fighting off is finally hitting you now that you're safe with your boys.
“I know, sweetheart. I just worry, and I hate not knowing if you’re safe.”
Bucky presses himself against your back, reaching around you to gently grasp Steve’s hips. You know both of your boyfriends have separation anxiety, and it largely stems from losing each other so long ago.
“Are you mad at me?” You tiredly ask, slowly blinking up at your boyfriend. Any sternness melts off his face, “‘course not. Can never stay mad at you, darlin’.” He murmurs, Brooklyn drawl seeping into his words.
You grin, nuzzling against Steve like a large cat. Bucky chuckles from behind you, kissing your bare shoulder. “I think we need to get our girl to bed. She’s barely standing up.”
You pout, not appreciating being talked about like you aren’t there, leaning more into Steve to get away from Bucky. The blonde chuckles, easily sweeping you off your feet.
He smirks at your shocked look before attacking you with a flurry of kisses, making you laugh and squirm in his (ridiculously) strong arms. He finishes his attack with a loud ‘mwah’ against your forehead, walking with you towards your shared bedroom.
“My ice cream,” you whine, making grabby hands at Bucky who was trailing behind you. He furrowed his brow, “doll, you’re exhausted. You’re probably gonna fall asleep right after you shower, do you really think you’ll need the ice cream?”
You pout, too tired to think of a good argument but not liking your boyfriend’s response, “don’t tell me how to live my life, James.”
Steve lets out a surprised laugh while Bucky’s lips twitched up, not even trying to hide their amusement. “Ok, how about you take a shower and we’ll get you some snacks.” Steve, ever the diplomat, negotiates.
You nod as he gently sits you on the bathroom counter. Bucky smirks, starting to pull down his loose sweatpant when you shoot him a stern look, “nuh uh, no way.”
He stops, looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “If you get in there with me we’re both gonna get excited,” you stress, playfully rolling your eyes when both boys grin, “and i’m too tired for that.”
Bucky smiles, moving forward to kiss your forehead, “you’re right, baby doll. Just hurry up, ok? I want cuddles.” He pouts. The 100 year old, former assassin, pouts. And as always, it’s fucking adorable. The bastard.
Steve frowns, “you sound like you’ve been neglected, we cuddled for like three hours today.”
Bucky rolls his eyes, “yeah but she gives better cuddles.”
The blonde looked utterly offended, as if he had just been slapped. You tried to stifle your laugh at the betrayal on his face. “Look Stevie, I love you, but you’re all muscle — which is super sexy by the way — but you don’t make the best pillow.”
Steve frowns, looking deep in thought for a moment before responding. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
“Is that why I sleep in between you two?” you tease, raising your eyebrows playfully.
“Well that and we like to be able to get out of bed if something happens.”
You smile softly. Even though they’ve never outright said that you always knew. Steve and Bucky think like soldiers, especially when it comes to protection.
It’s not that they don't think you can protect yourself, they know you can kick ass, but you don’t have the same mindset as they do. Also your lack of situational awareness, but that’s a whole other problem.
You feel your eyelids drooping and now you need to hurry up before you pass out right there on the counter. “Ok loves, I really need to shower.”
They each peck your cheek, preparing to leave, when you grab Bucky’s wrist. “And don’t worry baby, we’ll have the best morning sex tomorrow,” you sleepily promise, patting his stubbly cheek. Steve laughs loudly as the brunet blinks in shock, a grin slowly spreading across his face.
“I’ll hold you to that, pretty girl,” he teases, giving you a final kiss before dragging your other boyfriend out of the bathroom.
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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adore you. || Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Reader MASTERLIST
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Summary: Tony Stark’s genius daughter’s life is in danger. She’s quiet and anxious around people she doesn’t know, and must be handled with care. In an effort to prove to Tony that he can trust Bucky, Steve prompts Bucky to take the job. Though Bucky hates it at first, his feelings begin to shift as he gets to know her.
Status: COMPLETE
Total Word Count: Approx. 67.73K
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maynardowritesshit · 3 years
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the experiment. || Bucky Barnes x Reader
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Requested by anon: Can I request an Avengers x reader, Bucky x reader fic where the reader was a Hydra experiment at a hydra base and whenever she couldn’t use her powers properly, they made Bucky (as the Winter Soldier) inflict punishments on the reader. (Then after bucky joins the Avengers) whenever the reader is fighting the avengers she’s fearless but everytime she sees Bucky she gets scared and runs away from the fight. At some point Bucky realizes why she’s so scared of him and somehow convinces her that he and the avengers want to help her. Oh and you can choose whether you want it to be Bucky x reader or a platonic Bucky x teen!reader where he becomes her father figure! thanks and sorry it’s so long 😅
Word Count: 7.9K
Warnings: Violence, accounts of physical abuse
A/N: Anon, we are Bucky stans here. We always fall in love with Bucky :) I hope you enjoy! 
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