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Morgan: Hey, Daddy?
Tony: Yes, honey?
Morgan: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Tony:
Tony: Where’s Peter?
#marvel#avengers#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#peter parker#peter benjamin parker#spiderman#spider man#incorrect peter parker#incorrect spiderman quotes#tony stark#iron man#iron dad#peter x tony#peter x morgan#morgan stark#incorrect tony stark
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Steve: Are you mad?
Bucky: No.
Steve: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?
#marvel#avengers#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#winter soldier#incorrect bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#steve rogers#captain america#catws#incorrect captain america#incorrect steve rogers#steve x bucky#stevebucky#bucky x steve#captain america: the winter soldier
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Sam: I am an expert at identifying birds. I'm THE Falcon.
Bucky: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Sam: Yeah, they're all birds.
#marvel#avengers#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#winter soldier#incorrect bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#falcon#sam wilson#incorrect sam wilson#incorrect winter soldier#incorrect falcon#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#falcon and the winter soldier#fatws#sambucky#sam x bucky#bucky x sam
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Sam: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Bucky: I'm aware of that.
Sam: But then you and I had some time together.
Bucky: Uh-huh?
Sam: It didn't get better.
#incorrect bucky barnes#peter parker#james buchanan barnes#sam wilson#falcon#winter soldier#bucky barnes#fatws#falcon and the winter soldier#incorrect sam wilson#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#sam x bucky#bucky x sam#mcu#incorrect mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#marvel cinematic universe#marvel#avengers#incorrect avengers
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Yelena: We have fun, don’t we, Barnes?
Bucky: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#incorrect yelena belova#yelena belova#black widow#yelena my beloved#yelena x bucky#incorrect bucky barnes#incorrect winter soldier#incorrect black widow
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Sam: *Gives a bouquet to Bucky*
Bucky: You know I'm allergic.
Sam: That's the point.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#james buchanan barnes#incorrect bucky barnes#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#sam wilson#falcon#falconandthewintersoldier#sam x bucky#sambucky
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Peter, texting Tony: *sends a voice message*
Tony: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?
Peter: No, don’t worry, just listen later.
*later*
Tony: *presses play*
Peter's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#peter parker#incorrect peter parker#peter benjamin parker#tony stark#anthony stark#iron man#incorrect tony stark#iron dad#incorrect iron dad#peter x tony#iron man x spiderman
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*During Spiderman No Way Home*
Peter: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?
MJ: Not by the law!
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#incorrect spiderman#spider man#mj#peter x mj#peter x michelle#peter parker#peter benjamin parker#incorrect peter parker#incorrect mj
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Bucky: Sam, my old friend!
Sam: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
Bucky: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#sam wilson#falcon#falconandthewintersoldier#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#incorrect fatws#incorrect bucky barnes#incorrect sam wilson#sam x bucky#sambucky#here is some sambucky for you guys :)
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Peter: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Tony: I'm sorry, wHat?
Peter: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Tony: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#tony stark#peter parker#incorrect tony stark#iron dad#incorrect iron dad#incorrect peter parker#peter benjamin parker#spider man#spider man x iron man#iron spider#incorrect spider man#incorrect iron man#peter x tony#tony x peter
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Peter: I love murder mysteries!
Bucky: I've been a suspect in a couple murder cases.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#peter parker#incorrect bucky barnes#incorrect winter soldier#spider man#incorrect peter parker#incorrect spiderman#peter x bucky#bucky x peter#winterspider#peter benjamin parker
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Sam: Why did you save me?
Bucky: Steve would think I murdered you if I didn't.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#sam wilson#incorrect bucky barnes#falcon#falconandthewintersoldier#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#bucky x sam#incorrect sambuckysteve#sambucky
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Nat: Can we talk about that mass email you sent?
Tony: Why? It was important.
Nat: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit".
Tony, shrugging: The people need to know.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#natasharomanoff#natalia romanova#incorrect natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff#black widow#iron man#tony stark#incorrect tony stark#iron widow#tony x natasha
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Steve: I will find us a car and a hideout.
Steve: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.
Sam: Oh, c'mon. We're not children.
*Steve leaves*
Sam, casually: Eat shit and die.
Bucky, also casually: Fuck you.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#incorrect bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#incorrect steve rogers#sam wilson#falcon#steve rogers#captain america#stevebuckysam#incorrect stevebuckysam#steve x bucky x sam#incorrect sam wilson
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Steve: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween?
Sam: Bucky is the scariest thing I could think of.
Bucky: Sam told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#bucky barnes#buckybarnes#winter soldier#incorrect bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#sam wilson#falcon#incorrect falcon and the winter soldier#falcon and the winter soldier#incorrect steve rogers#steve rogers#captain america#incorrect sambuckysteve#stevebuckysam
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Tony, going over Peters's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Peter: Yes
Tony: Okay... may I know what you create?
Peter: Problems.
#marvel#au#funny#avengers#incorrect marvel#mcu#incorrect marvel quotes#peter parker#spider man#incorrect peter parker#peter benjamin parker#incorrect spider man#tony stark#incorrect tony stark#iron man#incorrect iron man#incorrect iron dad#iron dad#peter x tony
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