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maebymaedayidk · 10 months
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kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.
i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."
goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'
"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.
behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."
"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."
"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."
later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."
she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.
the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?
i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.
but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.
each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".
but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.
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maebymaedayidk · 1 year
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maebymaedayidk · 1 year
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the GRINCH X TONY THE TIGER Fanfic is live on ao3! hope this causes you all tremendous distress 😘
monthly subscribers can skip ahead to the next chapter
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maebymaedayidk · 1 year
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Quote from Dan Sheehan
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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I love 🥲🥲🥲
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Visible Mending Guide
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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T minus one week before I move away for 9 months 🥲
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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50 posts!
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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the impossible return
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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You all know that hundreds of libraries around the world are sharing their special collections on JSTOR, right? That they include photos, posters, postcards, buttons, stickers, pamphlets, drawings, and a lot more, right? And that they're all freely accessible to everyone, no login needed, right? Right?
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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The sixth love language is sharing.
"But that's basically quality time so really-" No!!
Sharing the burden of a task, sharing interests, sharing food, sharing clothes, sharing resources, sharing knowledge, sharing drink, sharing hobbies, sharing the remote like -
I know that the way I personally show love is acts of service.
Let me make you food. Let me buy you food. Let me clean this for you. Let me carry your things. Let me adjust your collar. Let me feed you.
(It's mostly food related, honestly. I love you, let me feed you with my love. Are you full? I'll clear your plate. I love you.)
But the way you share and communicate your love is different than how you receive it. Everyone has 2 love languages, and I'm sure there are some where they love receiving gifts as much as they give gifts but i sense (on no scientific basis, but love is not an exact science) that they are the minority.
To be balanced I think you need to be loved in a different way than how you love. Everyone needs to learn how to love themselves, and although that is a tumultuous journey, you will probably (slowly, but surely) love yourself in the way thay you show love to others.
I am learning to love myself. And so I wash my hair, I bake bread, I tidy my room, I make red wine pasta for dinner. My needs for acts of service is met (eventually).
But receiving love? I want you to share with me.
Tell me about your favourite tv show and all the characters. Who's your favourite? Who do you hate? What have you made recently? Can I see it? It's beautiful. Want to do this thing together? We work so well together. Teach me how to play your favourite game. I'll buy a copy of your favourite book, I'll bet my favourite character will be the same as yours.
Love doesn't change based on proximity.
Physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation at their root require physical closeness.
But sharing doesn't need proximity. I don't need to be next to you to read your favourite book, to watch your favourite show, to see your latest creation, to play your favourite game, to eat your favourite food.
The way I feel loved is to be granted access to the things that you love. It makes me feel like I am included in the list. Like I get to take my place among your favourite things. And then I get to eat them up, so I can learn more and love more.
Maybe it's because I have lived most of my life far away from my closest friends, and learned to love through the distance. But sharing is so, so important. I hate the apologies after someone goes off about their favourite thing.
I want to shake them by their shoulders and tell them:
"Haven't you heard?! This is love."
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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Succession!!!!
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I...tried to make a meme and got carried away and made A Thing that is like partially unfinished because i spent like 3 hours on it and then got tired.
I think this is mostly scientifically accurate but truth be told, there seems to be relatively little research on succession in regards to lawns specifically (as opposed to like, pastures). I am not exaggerating how bad they are for biodiversity though—recent research has referred to them as "ecological deserts."
Feel free to repost, no need for credit
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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Ok new question since apparently I’ve started “mintcourse” on whether or not mint ice cream is good:
Reblog and put in the tags whether you’re an unus or annus and whether or not you like mint ice cream
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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I have never once encountered something that so perfectly encapsulates such specific feelings much for me until this
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My Missing Wedding Ring Finger – A bittersweet comic about queer identity as exorcism.
cw: implied violence, comphet.
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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normalize being in your 20's without a drivers license. normalize being in your 60's without a drivers license. normalize never ever getting your license. death to automobiles peace and love on planet earth
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maebymaedayidk · 2 years
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This.
What makes queer is a slur discourse such an effective wedge for TERFs and assimilationists alike is the idea that we all have to be in agreement on our terms, when it's a complete non issue. I personally have profound and deeply political reasons for using queer, and you know what? I know tons of people who dislike the word for their own profound political reasons. The mistake was thinking those reasons contradict one another, that was the part pushed by corporate types who found the term hard to market and TERFs who wanted to scrap it entirely. Don't fall for the bait. We are a unified front.
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