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lottiebagley · 4 months

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'Tis the damn season- Sirius Black

If I wanted to know Who you were hanging with While I was gone, I would've asked you It's the kind of cold Fogs up windshield glass But I felt it when I passed you

She felt weird being there, an intense feeling of guilt. She hadn't meant to leave. Really, it was the last thing on her mind at first. But everything felt claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on her. Things with Sirius were in a weird place and really she wasn't 100% sure how to handle it. Then, all of a sudden, she had this job offer. It was temporary, 6 months in New York and she needed something that felt new and alive and she wanted to be far away from Sirius. Now everything had changed because 5 years later and she still lived an ocean away.

Remus was a teacher now. Lily and James were married with a kid and trying for another. Marlene was thinking about filing for divorce.

They weren't kids anymore. They were in their mid 20's.

She was home for Christmas. She didn't have family in New York nor England, but as they had every year prior Lily and James demanded she spend the holiday at their place.

"God I'm so glad you're here!" Lily is squealing, arms flung around her friend in the busy airport. Little Harry, who's 4 now is clinging to his godmothers leg with gleeful giggles

"Hey Lils," She smiles, a soft smile, as she returns the hug. Leaning down to pick Harry up "How's my little trouble maker?" She questions, propping the dark haired boy on her hip as she grabs her suitcase, listening to the child's babble and responding when needed as her and Lily make their way to the Potter's car.

Harry is babbling excitedly from the backseat, about father christmas and presents and chocolate, as Lily attempts to join the stream of traffic leaving the car park

"James is so sorry he couldn't come with us to pick you up, he got called into work last minute," Lily apologises as they start the hour long drive back to her home.

"Prongs knows I don't mind Lils, and so do you. Just grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas,"

"And you should know we would never let you spend it alone," Lily reminds, her friend smiling softly.

"I do know that," She reassures. It was true. She'd grown up next door the Potter family, so inevitably James was one of her best friends. When they both made Gryffindor they stuck together, as everyone who knew them expected. They had their little group which eventually adopted her dorm mates, Lily, Dorcas and Marlene after Lily and Severus stopped speaking.

It had been content, the war was fought and they survived.

The friendships survived too for the most part the only lingering awkwardness being the one shared by her and Sirius. They never dated, technically, but they were in love. Utterly deeply in love. They had been since they were 15 and though they never actually confessed it, never allowed their friendship to blossom into something more, they both knew it. Sirius was her first kiss, her first time. He took her to dances and picked her up from class and she painted his quidditch number on her cheek for each game and stroked his hair. It wasn't a relationship, but in all ways but labels it was, which led to inevitable drama. It was unsustainable but nothing changed, they both knew it was why she left.

"You can ask y'know," Lily comments, eyes ever so briefly flickering to glance at her friend knowing the thoughts in her mind.

"Don't think I wanna know the answer," She shrugs, glancing out of the window. "Is he gonna- y'know," She trails off embarrassed to admit seeing him again had been on the forefront of her mind.

"Yeah he's spending the holidays too," Lily confirms, watching as her friend nods and knowing better than to ask her what she's thinking.

"Is he..." She trails off not entirely awkwardly, Lily glances at her intense eyes and a knowing smirk "Does he. I- A date? Is he bringing someone of the holidays?" She lets the question spill out

"No," Lily informs simply, she doesn't offer anything else, changing the conversation quickly.

There's an ache in you Put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me

She'd known she was going to see him, with Lily's confirmation in her mind. She didn't know though, how she felt about it. Excited and nervous all at once, would he hate her? would he have moved on? Just because he wasn't bringing someone for the holidays didn't mean he didn't have someone.

She hadn't expected though, to see him quite so quickly. The car pulls into the drive and she knows immediately that he's there, motorbike tucked at the end of the drive way and the door is being pulled open by him. His hair is a little longer, though she hadn't seen him since last Christmas so she could have predicted that. He's clad in a warm looking jumper and some sweatpants, clearly cozy inside the comforting home.

"There's my little man!" He's cheering, wide grin, as he rushes to open a giggling Harry's car door, quickly fetching the child from his car seat and lifting him into a tight hug.

She wonders, briefly, if he was concentrating on not letting his eyes fall to her, or if maybe that magnetising need to look at each other wasn't there anymore. For him at least. She still can't imagine a view on earth she'd rather look at than that of Sirius Black.

"Thought you were coming tonight?" Lily questions, she's helping the girl with her bags but her eyes are watching Sirius, watching as he seems adamant on not looking at the girl who's staring at him so desperately Lily thinks she looks as if she could combust.

"Regulus' new girlfriend is a bore," Sirius shrugs, he knows he should greet her, that it's awkward not too, after all they are spending the next week in the same house. But he doesn't want to be the first to say something. He didn't leave. He didn't not return any calls.

"Hi Sirius," Her voice is timid and as much as he's glad to hear it, to see she's here, she's here and well and not got some boyfriend to spend her holidays with he hates it. Hates that she is reserved around him now.

"Hey, good flight?"

"Fine, crying baby but no turbulence,"

"That's good then, aside from the crying obviously," he feels like an idiot the second the words have left his mouth

"Yeah,"

"Cool," he wants to curse whoever has decided now would be a good time to remove every word he has ever known from his mind and leave him a boring, lifeless shell.

"What about you? How was Regulus?"

"Fine got a new girlfriend,"

"Heard she's a bore," The girl jokes and Sirius smiles, a real smile. Wondering, for a moment, when he last didn't have to force a smile.

It's then that Harry begins to whine, Lily swooping in to get him inside and get him a snack. The small moment effectively ruined.

So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown

The house is cold, it hadn't been the whole evening, upstairs and tucked in the spare bed she hadn't been. James had insisted she take the guest room. He'd assured time and time again that Remus and Sirius didn't mind her having it. Remus was going to have a blow up bed in the office and Sirius was taking the couch. She had consistently tried to take either sleeping situation, feeling bad to be the one taking the bed. The offer was refused.

She's humming softly, some Christmas song that had been stuck in her head for days having heard it so many times recently. Her hands make light work of pouring milk into a pan, the lights in the kitchen set to dim.

"Let me guess, hot chocolate?" His voice is velvety, not at all laced with sleep. She wonders if he was laid awake too, thinking about how she was directly above him, so close yet impossibly far.

He had been.

"You know me too well," She agrees, voice soft. She doesn't turn around, feels almost embarrassed to be clad in reindeer print pj bottoms and some old jumper she'd had forever.

"You just haven't changed since we were eleven," He returns, leaning on the door frame.

"You want one?" She asks, moving towards the fridge to take out the milk once more.

"I got it," He announces. She nods, lets him cross the room to take out the milk, instead taking out another mug, and dumping 2 tablespoons of hot chocolate powder into it.

He arrives by her side, placing the milk down alongside a can of whipped cream.

"Pretty sure that's for Harry's special christmas eve hot chocolate, the one with a flake and marshmallows and smarties," She comments, her tone is soft, the adoration she has for the child evident.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Sirius shrugs, he watches as she carefully adds more milk to the stove, "Just promise you won't tell on me yeah?"

"Your secret's safe with me," She confirms, she looks at him then. For the first time since he entered the room. He's already looking at her. With a look she can't read and so much intensity she wonders if anyone has ever looked at her like that before. He looks beautiful though, glowing in the soft lighting of the room.

"Y'know, I still do this every time I can't sleep," She informs him, eyes sincere and voice quiet, almost lost in the night.

He knows what she's trying to say. It had started when they were kids, he'd found her in the common room late at night on the second day of school. They'd spoken a little, but she'd stuck to James like glue, quiet when he wasn't by her side. She'd looked at him, wide glassy eyes. He'd asked what was wrong and she'd whispered to him about feeling like she was never going to belong in Gryffindor, not even at Hogwarts. He'd comforted her, wiped her tears away and helped her sneak to the kitchens, acting confident when in reality he'd never done it before either. He'd made the hot chocolate and she'd sat on a counter, he made her laugh and she suddenly felt like maybe everything would work out, like she might belong here after all.

It had become ritualistic for them. If one of them was sad they'd sneak to the kitchens and make hot chocolates and vent and cheer each other up.

Her first break up.

His bad fight with James.

Her dad passing.

His parents.

The war.

"I do too," He'd said quietly. Looking away now, almost like her words had hurt him even though it was the last thing she intended to do. "Milk's done," He adds, he wanted to leave the room, he was scared. Scared if he stood there, looking at her all domestic and cosy and glowing and beautiful, he wouldn't be able to resist the urge he'd been fighting since she climbed out of the car that morning.

I parked my car Right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours The holidays linger like bad perfume You can run but only so far I escaped it too Remember how you watched me leave But if it's okay with you It's okay with me

Her legs are curled under lap, almost cat like in the large arm chair. Remus in next to her, sprawled across the sofa with the crossword of the day from some muggle paper in his hands.

She has one too, in her lap, though she's hardly looking.

"Ok, I'm at a wall. Trade me," Remus announces, leaning across to hand her the paper he had been working on

"Huh?"

"Trade me?" He questions, eyebrows furrowing at her despondent face.

"Right," She nods, switching papers with him.

He looks at her crossword, hardly started and suddenly he feels bad.

"You okay?" He asks, he glances out of the window she's clearly looking out of. Sirius is out there, leather jacket and a loose scarf. He's laughing, head thrown back and eyes crinkled. Helping Harry, who Lily had bundled up extra tight, to build a snowman.

"Fine," She confirms, pulling her eyes away from Sirius to look at her friend.

"I can only imagine how hard this is for you," Remus says gently

"I'm okay," She shrugs. Remus nods, not sure what to say. It felt like a theme recently. In the 24 hours she'd been there Lily, James and Remus had all struggled. Not sure what to say to either of their friends. They clearly missed each other, clearly pined for each other. Yet, neither of them was doing anything about it, neither of them even wanted to talk about it.

"You know he never wanted kids," She speaks quietly, head motioning outside. "It was weird. I always thought he'd be a great dad. Still, think he would. I just- I guess I got it. His parents were-well, y'know- and I understood him not wanting to repeat that, thinking he'd be like him, his dad I mean. He wouldn't though. He'd have been a good dad. Still could be I guess,"

"I think so too," Remus confirms, eyes traveling to watch his friend as he helps Harry to roll a head for his snowman.

"I get that he was scared, just think it's a shame," She comments. She turns back to her crossword, to Remus' familiar scrawl. She'd said too much, she didn't want to put anyone in the middle of things.

"You're wrong," Remus speaks, still watching Sirius

"How so?"

"He wanted kids. He talked about it a bit," Remus explains, watching as she turns to look at him face contort with confusion, "Said he wanted them after the war. A boy first, then a girl,"

"He'd be a good girl dad,"

"Didn't seem to care too much," Remus shrugs, "He just wanted a family. Everyone to be happy and healthy and safe. Said he wanted a daughter cause he thought she'd look like you,"

"Me?"

"Who else would he have had this fictitious family with?" Remus shrugs

"Sirius didn't want to settle down, we all knew that,"

"If you'd asked he would have done,"

"Remus-" She sighs

"You know I'm right. He'd have done anything you asked,"

"That's not fair, I wasn't even his girlfriend,"

"Sorry. I'm not trying to put anything on you. I'm just saying, he would have done anything you asked. Think he probably still would,"

"I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said no," She states simply. She'd asked too early, that's what Sirius had always said. To ask right before a war was starting, when their lives were so imminently in danger. The label would make something happening to either of them so much worse, it's what he'd said when he rejected her.

Remus wants to say that if she'd asked again, asked after the war, that Sirius would have said yes. That he'd have married her on the spot if it's what she'd wanted. That Sirius had told him that the day before she left. But Remus decides it's not fair to put that on her. She left and Sirius stayed and either one of them could have changed everything.

"Let's talk about something else," Remus decides.

We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now

Lily was stressed, that much was clear. Her hair was messy and Harry was whining on her hip. The kitchen a mess around her. James wasn't much better. Somewhere outside with Remus and Sirius, a desperate attempt to try and construct the goddamn gazebo.

"Lil, everything okay?" Her friends voice speaks from the doorway

"Oh hey, I didn't hear you get back," Lily speaks, her voice a little quick and eyes wide as she turns around, Harry starts to let out a whine and Lily's eyes screw shut.

Her friend is quick, reaching out to the toddler and distracting him quickly when she passes him his dinosaur toy from the kitchen counter. "What can I do?"

"Remind me to never listen to James and agree to host a stupid Christmas Eve party next year?" Lily questions, she's moving quickly back to the counter. Stirring the chocolate that's melting in a pan for dessert, momentarily abandoning the vegetables she had been cutting.

"Okay, and for right now?"

"I hate food cooked with magic, but this is hard and I have a thousand things to do and no time and-" Lily complains, eyes starting to turn glassy

"Lily, sweetheart, you are gonna be fine. Delegate okay? I chop a mean carrot,"

"No, you're a guest and-"

"Lil, what do you need?"

"Can you run to the supermarket?"

"Done," The girl nods, scribbling the list Lily recites onto an old envelope

"Take one of the boys with you, there's going to be a million bags," Lily instructs, pointing out her car keys as she turns back to her food prep "You're the best," She calls after her friend.

The silence in the car is awkward, they both hate it, because before all of this silence between them was never anything but comfortable. She has so much she wants to say and he does too, yet neither of them can even begin to find the words they would need.

"Got a lot to get?" Sirius questions from the passenger seat, fingers tapping anxiously at his thigh.

"There's a list in my bag," The girl answers, suddenly questioning if she'd come off blunt, she hadn't intended to.

"Can I?" He questions, head tilting to the tote bag on the back seat, unaware whether they were at an appropriate level to go rifling through each others bags.

"Sure," She agrees, he leans back, grabbing the bag and pulling it onto his lap.

He rifles through the bag for the list, trying to ignore the de ja vu the bag causes, her essentials the same as they were in her high school bag.

"You're a shit driver y'know?" he teases, looking up from the list when she takes a turn much too quickly, jolting him in his seat

"Maybe I had a really bad teacher," She shrugs in response, they both find their minds running to the summer Sirius had taught her to drive, her home opposite the Potter's allowing them to hang out every vacation.

"At some point you can't teach someone, trust me I tried,"

"You gave up,"

"Well at the time I was a glorified taxi service,"

"I'd say private chauffeur," She corrects, he smiles lightly

"I'm driving home,"

"Okay,"

Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown

The black dress sparkles a little in the light of the guest room, ending at her thighs and tight to her body she turns a little in the mirror, she was running a little late but it had taken forever to get her hair to fall right.

She thought maybe she'd dragged out getting ready a little too long. The party had started downstairs, there was so many people. People from school. People she didn't know, new friends and colleagues. Her friends, all of them. Yet it was daunting. She thinks maybe it was the thought of Sirius, Sirius all dressed up because she just knew he'd look perfect. Sirius flirting with some girl he'd invited, or one of James' colleagues or someone from school.

She'd been drinking wine as she got ready, something she'd done to ease her nerves but now she almost regretted. Feeling a little tipsy and overly emotional, the idea of watching Sirius with someone else left her feeling a white hot anger in her very soul. A feeling she knew was incredibly unjustified, yet she couldn't push it away.

It's why, as she walked into the decorated living room, bee lining to Marlene, who was squealing at the sight of her well missed friend, she was glad to see Sirius was in the corner of the room playing with Harry.

She spends hours catching up with friends, making polite chit chat with people from distant memories, smiling and exchanging pleasantries with strangers. She allows some guy from Lily's work to flirt with her but doesn't give anything back.

She watches Sirius from afar. He looks beautiful, so utterly beautiful. He's dressed in a white shirt that's tight around his form, the top few buttons undone and his blazer abandoned somewhere.

He spends as much of his night as he possibly can with Harry, staying with the kid until he's tucking the sleeping boy into his bed. Partly because he firmly believes Lily and James deserve a night off, partly because it's the perfect alibi.

After that Sirius tries to float, doing little jobs to help things run smoothly and using a plethora of excuses to excuse himself from conversations. He feels rude, particularly to a girl from school who he is sure is nervous to approach him. He isn't rude. But he thinks maybe it comes off that way.

He's not sure is it's just that it hurts to see her so okay, head back laughing with her friends. Or maybe it's just how drained he's felt all day.

He grabs a bottle of champagne and his blazer, sneaking outside and to sitting on the floor round the side of the house. Out of sight from any windows. He digs through his blazer pocket for a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, a habit he's been trying to drop but honestly was struggling with.

Its 5 minutes of silence before he is the slight click of heels on the floor. He holds his breath, hoping to not be found. She rounds the corner and he exhales. Feeling less drained just at the sight of her.

"Got a light?" She questions, Sirius nods and watches as she crosses towards him, cigarette in one hand and glass of champagne in the other. She holds the cigarette out to him and he lights it for her. "Mind if I sit? Or I can go smoke in the back garden and we can both pretend the other person isn't out here?"

"Sit," He says simply, she nods, sitting next to him on the cold ground, Remus had shovelled snow all afternoon. "Since when did you smoke?"

"Since 2 years ago, I had some project due at work and I was crazy stressed. Some guy I work with offered me one and I accepted. Stupid looking back," She informs simply.

"It's bad for you,"

"I've been telling you that since we were 17," She reminds

"Been trying to quit," He admits, watching her as she stares at him. Her eyes are slightly hazy, he can see she's drank a little too much but she's holding herself together gracefully.

"That's good. I have too,"

"Good," He nods, he watches as she inhales and exhales and sips her champagne.

"Why are you out here?"

"It was too much in there," Sirius admits, she nods in quiet understanding

"I get that,"

"You always did. Get me," He sighs, almost wishfully

"I guess so,"

"Do you regret leaving?" He asks. He thinks maybe he shouldn't. That come morning maybe he'll regret it. But there's something about the way she looks in the moonlight. The way she's been looking at him since she came outside, and how it's the same way she's always looked at him.

"I'm really proud of my career. I wouldn't have it if I had stayed," She's careful in her words, he can see her thinking about them before she speaks

"Right." He nods, her words in his mind are a polite rejection.

Sleep in half the day Just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait If you don't ask me to stay

"Merry Christmas!" James' voice is loud as he enters the guest bedroom, flipping the light on without a care in the world

"I hate you," She states simply, they grew up together and James really was the closest thing she had to a brother. He smirks watching as she uses the thick sage green bedding to cover her eyes from the light.

"I know. Haz wants you to come downstairs so we can do gifts,"

"What time is it?"

"6. He's been up since 4," James informs, she pulls the duvet down from her face to see him leaning in the door way

"Fine," She agrees stretching a little before clambering from the bed. The matching Christmas pjs Lily had purchased for everyone bunched up a little.

"Hey, you doing okay? With Sirius I mean," James' voice drops low as he asks, eyes scanning the landing behind him briefly

"I'm fine," She can tell from the look on his face he doesn't believe her "Promise,"

"Mooney said he saw you guys sneaking back into the house last night. At the party," she hates the way his voice sounds hopeful

"We were both having a smoke James. It's nothing,"

"Thought you were quitting,"

"You sound like your mother,"

"Harsh! Go downstairs already woman," James teases, his tone light as he shoves her playfully on her way past him.

Lily makes mimosas and the group of friends share easy laughs as the day passes by, gifts exchanged and Harry smothered with love and attention. She decides it's the easiest day, people are distracted enough in the festivities the Potters have planned to not spend the whole day worrying about her and Sirius.

Without eyes on them they both find it easier to talk, they share whispered jokes and his dizzying beauty seems softer when he's smiling at her as they peel veg together.

"Lil I'm serious, go play with James and Harry. We can handle veg duty," She's determined in the way she gently pushes the girl through the archway into the kitchen.

"Thankyou sweetie," Lily is beaming, looking between her friend and Sirius's back knowingly before shooting her friend a knowing wink. "Rem, come with!" She calls as she retreats to the living room. Remus does as told, but not before giving Sirius a pointed look, one that screams 'SAY SOMETHING'.

"I've got the potatoes if you've got the carrots," Sirius offers

"Sounds good," She confirms, fluffy socks pattering on the floor as she takes her place beside him at the oak counter.

"When are you flying back to New York?"

"The 28th, I promised Mitch I'd be back in time for his birthday stroke crazy new years party,"

"That's fun," Sirius is lying. Nothing about what she just said is fun. It's the opposite. He has three more days before she's an ocean away all over again. She's rushing home, not staying for new years like she has every other year for some guy.

That's the least fun of all, Mitch. Who the fuck is Mitch? Sirius is racking his memories, in all the awkward Christmases they'd shared since she left she's never once mentioned a Mitch.

She sees the question in his eyes but doesn't say anything else. She's about to, truly she is, until the song playing through the small radio changes.

"Oh my god it's my favourite Christmas song!" She's beaming, dropping the carrot and knife she's holding and rushing to turn the music up.

He smiles gently, watching as she begins to dance around the kitchen. Red tartan pyjamas and the knit jumper Remus gifted her, he can't stop his mind from running to all the summer holidays they'd make breakfast together in the Potter's kitchen and she'd dance around.

"God, you still can't dance," He teases, gentle smile

"Shut up and dance with me!" She demands, she stretching an arm out to him and fuck he wishes he knew how to say no to her.

They jump around and sing along, hands linked together as he twirls her around the room, hearts beaming and flooding the room with laughter.

The song ends and she's breathless, chest to chest, so close to each other.

"Mitch?" He can't help the question, not when he's so close to her, not when it's taking everything in him not to lean down and kiss her

"He's gay."

"Oh,"

"There's no one else for me," She says it quietly, hands dropping his and looking down to her feet, almost embarrassed to admit it

His hand shoots up, cupping her cheek gently and forcing her to look at him

"Me either," He reassures, voice smooth and soft.

So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own To leave the warmest bed I've ever known

James Potter can make a kick-ass espresso martini. It wasn't new information, he always made cocktails in the evening on Christmas. The rest of the inner friend group (the other girls from the dorm at school) and their spouses would come over, they would play stupid games and listen to the music they grew up on and the parents would take it in turns to check on Neville and Harry who by this point would be sound asleep in Harry's space themed bedroom.

Lily had gawped with wide eyes when she'd chosen the seat next to Sirius at Christmas dinner. Remus almost choked on his carrot when Sirius had ever so casually wrapped his arm around her at the table and she had leaned into his touch Marlene had been shooting her friend knowing looks all night, eyebrows raised in question at the way she'd been perched on the arm of his arm chair the whole night.

Nothing had happened. Not really. But something in the air had changed, something in the way he was looking at her was different, the longing glances had lost their sadness.

The night ends slowly, Marlene and Dorcas wander out into the night. Alice heads to where James had pulled out the sofa bed in the office. Lily leaves having checked on the kids one last time.

She's the next to head to bed, acutely aware of the sound of Sirius behind her on the stairs even though he's been sleeping downstairs the whole trip.

"What are you doing up here?" She whispers the question in the hallway as Sirius arrives on the landing.

"I wanted to say night," He whispers back, he looks too pretty. The warm lighting from the downstairs light makes him almost glow and he has a drunken grin on his face. She's no better, her eyes glassy from one too many of those damned martinis.

"You said night downstairs," She counters, he rolls his eyes fond gentle smile as he tucks her hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you're here,"

"Me too," She confirms it quietly "Look forward to getting to see you, talk to you all year." He doesn't know if the light blush on her cheeks is from the alcohol or the whispered confession.

"Doesn't have to just be at Christmas y'know? You could call, visit even. I really miss you," He isn't shy in his confession. He'd scream it from the rooftops if it meant she might be a part of his life again for more than just the holidays.

"Sirius," Her voice is soft, he's too close. He is so close and she feels overwhelmed by him, drunk on his scent and using all her self control to keep her hands out of his hair.

"I mean it, darling. Truly," His hand reaches out, firm against her chin. "Hey, look," He speaks, face close enough she feels his breath on her face. She follows his eyes, looking up to see a sprig of mistletoe above them.

James does it every year, enchants mistletoe to sprout above two people in love. Mainly, he does it so he can kiss Lily and remind her to stop being so stressed about hosting and actually enjoy the holidays. Partly, he did it in the hopes it might help his two friends find their way back to each other.

"Can I?" Sirius's question is full of nerves, scared he's pushing her too far

"Always,"

It's gentle and timid, the way he pushes his lips to hers. It's safe at first, a peck. Neither wants the other to freak and run.

He's the one to push it further, though that isn't really surprise.

He pulls her ever closer, chest to chest and his big arms wrap around her, holding her to him. He kisses her like he's desperate, scared if he stops he'll loose her all over again.

She feels like she can breathe properly for the first time in years. Feels a weight off her shoulders as she allows her hands to tangle into his hair, a craving she'd had every time she looked at him. She lets him man handle her towards the door to the guest room.

His tongue pushing into her mouth as he holds her against the wall by the door. One of her hands stays tangled in his hair as the other moves down to hold onto the warm skin of his hip, fingertips slipping under his maroon sweater.

His hand travels down, landing on her bum with a firm squeeze and the motion seems to bring her back to her senses a little. She pulls away, though Sirius is quick to chase her kiss swollen lips with his own. She giggles in response, one last chaste peck to his lips before she looks him in the eyes, blown out a little with lust and creased from his bright grin.

"Sirius," She sighs out, he smirks head falling to allow himself to press a trails of kisses down her jaw and onto her neck

"Darling," he murmurs against her skin

"This is a really bad idea," Her point seems a little futile as she moves her head to the side to allow him more space to press his kisses

"Tell me you want me to stop. Say the word and I'll go back downstairs and you can go to sleep and we can wake up and pretend none of this happened,"

We could call it even Even though I'm leaving And I'll be yours for the weekend 'Tis the damn season

He doesn't think he's ever seen a sight so beautiful. She's laid next to him, body lit by the pale moonlight casting through the window. Her skin is bare and flushed and she fits against his body as perfectly as she always has.

Her leg is strewn over his naked torso, her head resting on his chest, hand reaching up to comb her fingers through his hair.

His arm that wraps around her lands on her back, thumb pressing comforting circles into her back.

"You're so perfect," He speaks into the quiet. She tilts her head up on his shoulder, allowing him to see her beaming face

"Sirius, you are the most beautiful person I've ever known," Her tone is impossibly soft, as his heart in that moment. The sincerity in her voice makes his whole body feel warm.

He feels too overwhelmed by the sickly sweet love in his chest to come up with much of a response, instead he presses his lips to her forehead an action so full over love and comfort it almost hurts her chest.

"I'm gonna hate having to miss you again," She says softly, her settling back into his chest as he squeezes her closer

"Only ever a phone call away," He hums hand moving to toy with the ends of her hair

"You could visit?" She suggests, scared he'll laugh at the thought though she has no reason to be

"Anything, if you want me to do it I will," His promise makes her grin widely, she leans up to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

The quiet takes over once more, both basking in having the other in there arms again, a feeling they'd been craving in the years of absence.

"I'm sorry I left," She whispers, she'd wanted to say it a thousand times, truly she had.

"I'm sorry I didn't come after you," He pauses for a beat, he thinks maybe the question is too big, what he's asking of her too much. His eyebrows furrowing as he thinks, deep pout on his lips.

"What are you thinking about?" She questions, thumb gently smoothing out the lines in his frown

"Stay," He says it quietly, so quiet she almost misses it. "Please, I need you to stay,"

We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now

She hadn't technically said no. She hadn't said anything really.

She'd felt like an idiot, sitting up in the bed to better at Sirius. Blinking as her mind raced, what if she did stay? what would she be staying for? would he finally be ready to commit to her or was he asking her to give up the career she worked so hard for to be around when he wanted a casual fuck?

"Say something," He hated how much his own voice sounded like it was begging, he hated the look in her eyes. The guilt. She was going to say no. He was certain of that as he looked at her.

"Say anything," He doesn't mean to sound angry. Doesn't mean to make her feel bad.

She's left, blinking as she desperately tries to gather her thoughts. He gets out of bed.

His movements around the rooms are sharp and hurried, tugging his clothes back on.

"Sirius," She says, she needs him to look at her. Needs him to stop for a second, to talk to her.

"No," His hands tug his jumper over his head as he moves towards the door

"Stop. Sirius, please just wait," She clambering out of the bed to follow him, grabbing her pyjama pants and pulling them up quickly as she reaches for the large knit sweater. She's following him down the stairs of the silent house.

He slams the front door in her face before she has the chance to follow him out into the snow. She hears the revving of his motorbike before the engine kicks in, hears the way it fades away as he races into the night.

She feels like an idiot. Feels pathetic as she sinks to the ground, back pressed to the front door. She had vowed a long time ago to stop crying over Sirius Black yet she can't stop herself.

"What's going on?" Remus is calling. Woken up by the sound of the slamming door. She wipes at her tears, desperate to hide them from him but the second he sees her and sends her a soft smile she's blubbering all over again.

"He left. He fucking just left," She's hiccuping through her crying, and he joins her on the old wooden floor.

"What happened?" He asks gently, a comforting hand squeezes at her knee.

"We slept together,"

"Ok, ok and then he just left?"

"No. He asked me to stay and I- I froze Rem. I sat there like an idiot and didn't say anything. He just- I needed to think and he wouldn't give me fucking second,"

"What would you have said?"

"I don't know what he wants. If he wanted to try like really try I would have said yes,"

"He needs to know that,"

Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now

She hadn't been to his apartment before. Remus had apparated her there and waited with her in a comfortable silence until he'd arrived. Sat on the curb outside, her head on his shoulder. Knowing he was home Remus left, she was safe on the busy London street, Sirius wouldn't let any harm come to her despite the deep sigh he lets out at the sight of her.

"I wanna be alone,"

"Too bad. I need to talk to you," She demands, arms crossed in front of her.

"We can talk later,"

"No Sirius. You don't get to say all that shit to me and then just leave,"

"Fine. come on,"

He leads her in an awkward silence up into the building, refusing to look at her in the short elevator ride to the 8th floor.

His apartment is very him, it's cosy and homely and smells like the Gryffindor common room.

He drops onto the sofa in the living room, she's too busy eyeing the framed photos on the wall, heart melting a little at the photo of the two of them, both in school uniform sat by the black lake her head on his shoulder his arms holding her close to him. Matching bright grins staring back at her.

"You wanted to talk," He reminds, embarrassed that even after rejecting him she's seeing his framed photo of her.

" The other day, at the party You asked me if I regret leaving? I lied. No I didn't lie. I just- I didn't tell you the truth. I regret it, every fucking day I regret it, I lay awake every night thinking about what we could have been if I'd stuck around,"

"It's a little late for that," he grumbles, arms folded and a stoic look on his face

"Could you just listen to me?" She snaps, "I've been in love with you since I was 14 Sirius and you have never ever wanted a relationship,"

"That's not true," He protests

"Oh. So you just didn't want one with me?" She feels like an idiot, standing in front of him. Their friends were wrong, she was wrong.

He hates the hurt in her voice, the tears in her eyes.

He's on his feet now, passing over the burgundy rug to grab her hand in his

"That's not what I mean. I just- I was scared, scared if you were mine and something happened. I couldn't have lived through that,"

"You never told me that, you always just said you weren't a boyfriend guy,"

"I could be. For you I could be,"

"Why did you leave?" She questions, desperate to know why he couldn't have given her just a few minutes to work things out

"I couldn't hear you tell me that you don't love me enough to stay,"

"I would never say that,"

"No?" He questions timidly, his eyes searching her desperately

"No," She shakes her head "If I stay this can't be what it was. I'm giving up my life here. We are older now and we are safe and this has to be real,"

"It's always been real to me. I'm in love with you, been in loved with you since second year and I will be until the day I die. So sweetheart, please, please be mine? for real this time,"

"It'll always be you Sirius," She promises, his lips kiss her and she feels herself fall in love with him all over again.

And it always leads to you and my hometown It always leads to you and my hometown

#harry potter fanfiction #sirius #sirius black x reader #sirius black #harry potter #sirius orion black #sirius x reader

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Text

Falling in love in a coffee shop- Remus Lupin

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down I want to come too

It's freezing cold, snow thick in the air and ice layering the streets as Remus Lupin winds his way through the store fronts of Diagon Alley. He was cold, too cold, hand feeling like ice and tips of his ears red and so mainly because of the cold, and partly because he wanted a little silence he knows he won't get if he returns to the flat he shares with James, Sirius and Peter, he shoves his way into a small cafe.

He'd been in before, he thinks, at least he knew of it's existence. Next to the little bookshop that he'd found a load of hand painted hardback copies of muggle classics that he's obsessed over for so long his friends had gifted the complete collection to him for his birthday a few months ago.

If he'd been in before, he was certain she wasn't there. He'd remember her, he knows that. Behind the counter, sipping a steaming liquid from a mug clad in an oversized sweater and reading from a book, the cafe wasn't empty, but the customers were all served and at tables, she didn't seem to have noticed Remus' arrival.

She seems focused on the book, eyes scrunched a little and tongue poking out ever so slightly.

He almost wants to turn, to run out of the store because she seems so perfect to him, so utterly heavenly, that he doesn't want to disturb her, doesn't think he has the nerve to speak to her.

"Duckie, you got a customer," It's an older lady, sat in a trio of older ladies with plates of scones and a little teapot that pours tea into their china mugs whenever they empty.

"Shit, thanks Sue," She mutters, grabbing a bookmark from the counter and placing it into the book which she places on the counter before turning to Remus. "Sorry about that," She smiles

"It's no worries," He smiles politely surprised he's managing to not trip over his own tongue with the way she's looking up at him, taking a glance at the cover he smiles "Jane Eyre, it's a classic. Can't blame you for being distracted,"

"I know people think it's odd to read muggle books but I love them, guilty pleasure y'know?" She shrugs, he smiles, she's warm. If that's the right word, he's not sure. But something about her comforts him, her voice is calming and her eyes shine and he feels like he's known her forever.

"I understand, I'm guilty of the same thing," He shrugs, she grins up at him, blushing a little when she meets his eye.

"Did you want something?" She questions

"Tea please, milky one sugar,"

"Sure," She nods, turning away from the till to start preparing the drink. "Staying in or to go?" She calls over her shoulder, he wants to stay, to bask in the aura of her but isn't quite sure he knows how to behave when he feels so drawn to her. He almost says to go, until he sees the small smile on her face

"Staying here please," He smiles politely

"Go take a seat, I'll bring it over," She instructs. He nods, with a smile.

He crosses to a table in the corner, actually looking around the place now. Nothing matches, not really, no two same big cosy arm chairs, or little wooden tables. No matching sets, yet everything is cohesive, the same vibe, the whole place oozes personality.

She fits in well, he notes as he tries to act like he's not staring at her. The way she hums as she works and how she chats to the older women like she's known them her whole life after she drops his tea off.

He stays for maybe 15 minutes, everything about the place is comforting to him, or maybe it's just her. He isn't sure. The mug though runs dry and he knows his friends will wonder where he is, so he stands, tightening the scarf around his neck and shrugging his coat back on before approaching the counter.

She looks up from her book at the sound of approaching footsteps, she wasn't really reading anymore. Instead admiring the boy from afar, wishing she had the confidence to go and speak to him "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house," She smiles politely

"Really, I insist-" He protests but she shushes him with a smile

"It's always on the house for first time customers,"

"That's not true," One of the older ladies call

"New rule Betty," She states, throwing a look at the woman

"It's always on the house for cute boys," The woman from earlier, Sue teases

"Leave her be ladies," The third woman, Maggie, interrupts

"Please ignore them," She speaks, red blush on her cheeks

"Sure, I'm happy to pay,"

"It's alright, really, it's on the house,"

"Thank you. It's very kind," He smiles to her

"I hope to see you around,"

"Yeah, yeah you too," Remus nods, dropping double the amount for the mug of tea in the tip jar before exiting the coffee shop.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

He returns, three days later, having finally been able to come up with an excuse to go into town that none of the boys had piggybacked onto. He didn't want to take them, knowing they would be able to spot from a mile the crush he had on her.

It wasn't his best idea, given the hangover he was suffering, but he knew they'd all be way too bothered with their own hangovers to want to join him on his trip to town. He hadn't realised, until he was almost there, that he didn't even know if she'd be working.

He was grateful though, when upon opening the door, he saw her. She's sat in an armchair this time, with the same three ladies from before at the table she's at. It's an odd time, past the morning rush but not quite time for the lunch break clients so she'd busied herself with talking to her favourite regulars.

"He's back," Sue teases in a singsong voice, Remus blushing from his spot in the open door. She's blushing too though, so he feels a little better.

"Hi," He smiles, she smiles politely as she stands back up.

"Hey, what can I get for you? Same as last time?" She questions, crossing to the counter.

"Please," He smiles

"Staying here?"

"Yeah," He nods, he hadn't intended to stay, really he wanted to be back in his bed, but something about the almost hopeful glint in her eyes has him changing his mind.

"I'll bring it over," She smiles, he nods gratefully and goes back to the same table as before. Eyes staring out of the window and hood drawn over his pounding head.

"Big night?" She questions, placing the mug in front of him

"Yeah, my mates don't know when to stop," He admits with a chuckle

"Seems they never did," She comments offhandedly, his eyes widen in shock

"You know me?"

"Remus Lupin, Gryffindor, you were friends with Sirius, James and Peter, class of 77." She shrugs, like the knowledge is casual

"You went to school with us?" He questions, shocked he hadn't remembered her, or even noticed someone who he now felt so drawn to

"Not quite, I was in Hufflepuff and I graduated 78, our paths never crossed. My friends all just fancied Sirius so I kinda knew who you were,"

"You didn't?"

"Sirius Black? Christ no- I mean, sorry I know you guys are close but he is like- just not my type at all,"

"I'm gonna bring him here and you can tell him that, it'll bring him back to earth a bit," He chuckles

"Anytime Lupin," She smiles,

"I didn't catch your name by the way, brains a bit fuzzy,"

"It's Y/N," She smiles politely, "Hope you feel better," She adds, flouncing back across the coffee shop to sit with the older ladies who are calling her over now.

No one understands me quite like you do Through all of the shadowy corners of me

He comes back a few times over the next couple of weeks, she's never free though. He seems to be hitting rush hour and there's always a line or work to be done. He wants more than anything, to talk to her more, but every time it seems she has too much to do.

"Hey Remus," She smiles, it's dark out, although that was not surprising given it was January. "I was just about to close up so you'll have to take away if that's okay?" She questions.

"Sure," He nods, watching as she prepares his regular order

"We have some cakes and pastry left that I'm only gonna throw away so they're free if you want any," She offers, passing a bag to him as he thanks her and tells him to help himself to whatever.

"Thanks," He smiles when she passes him the to go mug, a bag of goodies he knows his friends will be grateful for, though they'll definitely demand to know where he got them in his other hand. "You mind if I wait with you while you close up and walk you back home? It's dark and getting kinda late?" He questions, not liking the thought of her out in the streets alone.

"You don't have to," She smiles

"I'd feel a lot better knowing you got home okay," He admits, avoiding eye contact

"If you're sure you don't mind," She agrees.

It doesn't take her long to lock up. Throwing out anything that can't be sold, wiping down the surfaces and sweeping the floor. Remus offers to help but she denies, telling him to sit and drink his tea when he tries.

He lets her lead him out of the store, telling him how she lives in a crappy little apartment not too far away, above a robe shop. "So, the coffee shop?" He questions

"Yeah, my parents own it. The bookshop next door too. I want to work in art somehow, I paint, but till that picks up I run the coffee shop," She informs

"What do you paint?" He questions

"People mostly," She announces, turning to look at him "What do you do?"

"I want to teach." He admits, she nods "Never really tell people that. I work for Dumbledore right now though. Can't really say anything else," He explains

"I get it. Marls is the same,"

"You know Marlene?"

"Yeah, we grew up together," She confirms, "You know Sue, that's her grandma and Maggie's mine, they went to school together,"

"Probably could have worked that out. Marls and Sue are one and the same,"

"Yeah," She nods, "What would you teach?"

"Defence against the dark arts," He shrugs, blushing a little. He'd never told anyone what he wanted to do. With his condition it was pretty much impossible so he didn't even really admit it to himself. "Was always pretty good at it,"

"Think you'd be a good teacher,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you tutored my friend and she thought you were great," She shrugs, coming to a stop in front of a small robe shop and fishing for a key in her pocket. "Thanks for walking me Remus,"

"Of course, thanks for the food," He smiles, holding the bag up a little.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much All of the while I never knew I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much All of the while I never knew

For the next week Remus arrives at the same time everyday, ready to walk her home. Every time she blushes madly at his arrival. She begins to allow him to help her clean up, saving a slice of lemon drizzle cake every morning and placing it on the cake stand three minutes before he's due to arrive as she knows it's the cake he's always most excited to get to take home every time.

She's surprised to see him enter the cafe at 10:30 am, heart sinking when she realises he'd probably not be by later. She liked the 30 minutes they spent together each day. Enjoying his company, he made her laugh, she looked forward to his company all day.

"Hey Rem,"

"Hey darling, you good?" He grins approaching, he'd pissed James off pretty bad. They'd argued for hours the night before and he knew it was his own temper, James did nothing wrong. So here he was, buying the boy a cappuccino cause it was his favourite as a peace offering.

"Yeah, slow morning. Are you?"

"I'm alright," He nods

"The normal?" She questions, placing the knitting needles she'd been using as she looks at him

"Please, and a cappuccino. To take away," He requests with a lazy, easy smile. His brows furrowing in concern when her smile drops "You okay?" He questions, eyes scanning the coffee shop for what could possibly be wrong

"Fine," She's turning away before he can press her any further on the matter, busying herself with the take out cups. She's blinking rapidly as she makes the coffee, heart aching at the thoughts in her mind.

The mystery girl he's buying the coffee for, maybe he's going to drop it to her at work and she'll thank him with a quick peck to his lips, a kiss that means nothing cause she'll get to kiss him another thousand times. Maybe he's going to wake her up with it, or maybe they're meeting for a walk, a date.

She turns, willing herself not to cry.

"She's very lucky," She comments, passing Remus who looks confused the drinks

"Who?" He wonders, eyes scanning her red eyes in concern. He can't fathom the idea she'd be upset at the thought of him buying some girl a coffee, but what else could it be? the little slither of hope weasels it's way in.

"The girl you're buying coffee for," She shrugs, fidgeting under his gaze.

"I'll let James know," He smirks, she blushes wildly

"Oh, James,"

"Yep. We had a fight last night, the cappuccino is a peace offering," He explains

"Is everything okay?" She asks, if there's one thing she's come to know about Remus it's that he loves his friends like family

"I'll let you know tonight when he's received his sorry I'm a dickhead present,"

"Tonight?" She questions, confused

"Tonight, when I come walk you home," He speaks like it's obvious

"Oh, I- I just assumed you wouldn't come. Having your tea now 'nd all,"

"People can drink more than one cup of tea a day y'know darling?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later then," She blushes

"I'll see you then" He confirms, backing out the door with his eyes still on her. He stops by the door, gathering every bit of confidence he can possibly find "There's no girl by the way,"

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine Now I'm shining too

He bursts through the door mid afternoon, three days later, with panicked eyes "I am so sorry," He states

"What are you talking about?" She questions, dropping her pencil to the counter but before he has a chance to explain the door swings open.

Sirius saunters in, Peter close behind laughing followed by a smirking James

"That, I am so sorry," Remus grimaces making her giggle

"Well, well, well," Sirius speaks dramatically "Moony dearest, when you told us that you'd become a regular at a coffee shop and that's why you kept being given freebies you failed to mention why I think,"

"She makes a great cup of tea," Remus protests, watching as she under his friends intense gaze

"You fancy her," James grins, approaching the counter "You made that cappuccino the other day?" He asks politely

"I did,"

"Can you please make another, it was the best coffee I've ever drank. I am not being dramatic, I dreamed about this coffee,"

"Sure," She nods, "Takeaway or staying in?"

"We will take-" Remus begins

"Ah,ah,ah, We are staying right here," Sirius interrupts Remus

"Fucking hell, you've seen her you can stop torturing me now,"

"It's not torture it's investigating," Sirius argues, turning to her "Can I get a black coffee, two sugars please?"

"Sure," She nods, he flashes her a grin and thanks her as Peter orders a hot chocolate before the three boys saunter away.

"I'm sorry," Remus mutters, leaning on the counter as she begins to prepare the four drinks

"It's alright. They're funny,"

"I mentioned you before but I slipped up and mentioned that you made the cappuccino, casually y'know? Then Sirius went feral, searched through the bin for the bag with the cakes in from last night. Pete's been in before and suddenly we are outside,"

"You talk about me?" She questions, teasing smirk on her face

"Yeah. Yeah, I do," He admits with a blush. "That's kinda why they freaked so much, talk about you a lot,"

"You're sweet Remus, y'know that?" she grins, he blushes following behind her as she takes the mugs to the table or rowdy boys.

James practically pulls her arm out of the socket demanding she sit with them until she was busy and so she does, talking and laughing with them was surprisingly easy. Sirius takes a liking to her when she does a pretty spot on impression of professor slughorn and James thinks she's very funny and easily passes his protective interrogation. Remus can't help the warmth in his chest, seeing her so easily get on with the most important people in his life.

They allow Remus a private goodbye when they're done, waiting outside for him.

"I'll see you later," He smiles

"Yeah," She nods, as he helps her place all the boys mugs and saucers on the counter. "Remus?" She calls as he reaches the door, he turns to look at her

"For the record, if my friends knew where to find you they'd be the same. I talk about you a lot too,"

Because oh because I've fallen quite hard over you

She's standing on the edge of the toilet seat, irrational fear flooding her mind. She wasn't really sure what the plan was, perhaps to live out the rest of her days here, in the edge of the toilet, let the spider have her coffee shop. She's almost content with her plan until she hears the jingle of the door bell, with one glance at the watch on her wrist she knows who it is

"Rem? I'm in the bathroom? I need you to come save me?" She shouts the question out, hearing a laugh that sounds off before the door swings open. She's shocked to see James Potter, smirking at the sight and entirely not Remus Lupin.

"You aren't Remus,"

"Good observation," He smirks, eyeing her situation "You gonna come down?"

"There's a spider," She announces, indicating to the ghastly hairy not that big spider

"You need me to kill it for you?" James questions, slightly bemused.

"No! Don't kill it, it's family will smell it's blood and come looking for it," She panics, James barks out a laugh but retreats into the cafe, returning with a mug and napkin and with ease he catches the animal, letting it out of the window.

"You gonna get down now?" He questions, offering her a hand she gladly accepts as she steps of the toilet seat.

"Did you need something?" She questions, attention back on the lack of the tall sweater adorned boy she was pretty much in love with

"Remus can't walk you home, he's sick, so he sent me," James explains

"Oh, is he okay? I could make him soup or-"

"He'll be alright, shit immune system on him," James shrugs

"You didn't have to come walk me home," She speaks, beginning to wipe down the surfaces, forgetting how long it took without Remus helping her

"He threatened me pretty good," James shrugs, sitting down on the stool at the bar. "He really cares about you," James tags on, watching her as she blushes

"I care about him too," She informs, looking at James quickly "He's the best thing in my life right now,"

"He's the best guy on the planet," James comments, watching her lock the windows "You certainly seem to care about him,"

"I do," She reassures, opening the door as James exits into the street that glows under the full moon

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

She hasn't seen Remus in three days, James has walked her home twice and Sirius the other time. She liked them, but she missed Remus. Missed the way she got butterflies in her stomach when he looked at her. Missed the way he smiles, a wide grin that makes his eyes shine. Missed the little spark of energy she felt when his fingers would bump into hers while they walk to her apartment.

She's tidying when the door swings open, not many customers in the store. She hadn't really noticed the door, well she was aware it opened, was putting her spray and cloth down to turn and greet the customer, but she hadn't noticed it was him.

Remus had been outside for three minutes, watching her through the window. Every bit of nerve his pep talk with the boys had given him and dissipated on his half walk half sprint back to the coffee shop. He'd seen her through the window and stalled, unable to push himself to walk through the door and face her, not when she looked so beautiful it made his heart practically scream. It was when she laughs, something a regular has said, head tilting back and nose scrunching that he realises he'd regret not just doing it that he storms in.

She spins around at the feeling of someone behind her

"Remmy! You're-" Her excited shout is cut off almost immediately.

Remus kisses her, it's soft and gentle and apprehensive. His hands cupping her cheeks to hold her face in place and god she can almost taste his nerves. It speeds up though, when he feels her kiss back. Arms looping around his neck and hands finding their home in his hair. It's faster now, full of everything they'd wanted to say for the past month since he'd first wondered into the coffee shop.

"You're back, are you feeling okay?" She questions panicked, the second their lips are apart, his hands still hold her face, forehead resting on hers.

"I like you. I mean to say I am completely drawn to you and feel like I can't breathe when you're not there and I have wanted you near me every second since I met you and I got the nerve to say it and I was scared if I didn't come and say it right now I'd loose the nerve," He rambles, nerves floating away as he watches her beam up at him

"I like you too Rem, I thought it was obvious," She admits, pressing another peck to his lips

"Okay, I'll um, I'll let you get back to work I just- I'll see you later?" He questions, blushing red but grinning as he backs towards the door

"Yeah, I'll see you then Rem," She smiles, watching as he nods, more to himself than her, backing out the door with the widest smile to ever grace his features.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much All of the while I never knew I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much All of the while, I never knew

Remus eyes blink open, taken aback at first by the change in pace. He feels rested, he couldn't remember the last time he felt like that. The bed he's nestled in is warm and comfortable, the cushions feeling light as air, he think for a second as he inhales the smell of coffee beans and caramel cupcakes, that he's still dreaming, but looking around the room he realises, as a smile falls to his face, that he's woken up in her bed.

He rolls over, not seeing her he lets out a breath, worried for a second until he hears the soft music playing from the kitchen. He was normally one to bask in the comfort of a bed for a few minutes before he gets up but the thought of her consumes his mind and she was the most comforting thing on the planet.

He pads into the kitchen, his joggers handing low on his hips and his heart melts at the sight waiting for him. She's dressed in the jumper he'd been wearing the night before and a pair of baggy jeans, the music is playing from a record and she's twirling around as she returns milk to the fridge

"Morning," She beams, crossing the kitchen to press a peck to his cheek. He grins, grabbing her hand while she's close enough and twirling her around, her giggle filling the air until he's pulled her into his chest. She silences, though her smile doesn't falter, now she's pressed against his chest.

"Morning darling," He smiles, pressing his lips to hers gently. She smiles against him, the feeling of home and comfort not escaping her as she pulls aways, pressing one last hasty peck to his lips when they chase hers.

"I gotta go open the shop," She mumbles against his chest that has pulled her into a hug, in response to his whine.

"No,"

"Yes or Sue will kill me. We can hang out tonight,"

"Go for dinner?"

"Sure," She agrees, pecking his lips one last time before breezing out of the apartment.

He turns to make breakfast only to see a mug of tea, made perfectly to his preference and white toast with butter and strawberry jam. The domesticity of life with her warms him in a way nothing else ever had.

Remus realises, in that moment, it had nothing to do with the warm, comforting coffee shop. He'd fallen in love with her.

All of the while, all of the while It was you

MASTERLIST

#remus lupin #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #coffeeshop au #Marauders #marauders x reader #harry potter fanfiction

302 notes · View notes

lottiebagley · 2 years

Text

August- James Potter

Salt air And the rust on your door I never needed anything more Whispers Of "Are you sure?" "Never have I ever before"

She used to be his best friend, over the years they'd drifted apart, it was no ones fault and they were still friends, no bad blood just different pasts. They'd gone from being next door neighbours with bedrooms facing each other and a shared tree house to two 17 year olds who occasionally hung out at school and spent a lot of time together in summer.

She guessed the distance started when they were sorted into different houses. James was Gryffindor through and through and she had always known she'd be in Slytherin like the rest of her family. They remained friends, Sirius claiming her as the only Slytherin he could bare to be around. Yet, surrounded by different people they had obviously felt a gap in their relationship.

She looked forward to summer breaks, knowing it's when she would get to hang out with James and so on the first morning of break when she woke up to see James already lounging in his back garden she was quick to pull open the window and shout down to him. Sure enough he was quick to invite her to come and lay out in the sun with him and a mere 15 minutes later she was situated on the sun lounger next to him.

"We should drink tonight," James suggests casually, turning to look at her "If you don't have plans,"

"Nope, I'm detoxing from my friends this summer so I have zero plans,"

"Why?" He questions, grabbing his water bottle and taking a slip

"They can just be a bit.." She trails off, not really sure how to word that the people she'd grown up with and thought she'd be friends with forever had turned a little psycho

"Dickish?" He suggests

"Something like that," She shrugs and he nods understanding smile on his face

"I never got why you hang out with them," He comments nonchalantly

"What do you mean?"

"You're friends have kinda always been dicks, just never really saw why you'd want to surround yourself with people like that," He shrugs

"They say the same thing about you," She comments, he scoffs loudly, throwing her a plyaful glare

"You taking their side shortstack?" He mocks, something he'd called her forever

"Can I not be impartial,"

"I know you love me more really," He smirks, making her roll her eyes

"And why do you think that?" She questions, eyebrows raised in question

"Known me a lot longer,"

"See them a lot more," She counters

"So you do have a side? And it's theirs,"

"No. We have been in a lot of disagreements recently," She shrugs, He notices her teasing and playful smile falter a little

"Well that means you and I have one last summer of fun," He smiles gently, moving to nudge her shoulder a little

"Sounds like a plan Potter," the smile is back and it makes his heart soar, glad to bring her a little joy

"Yeah," He nods, a beam on his face that practically melts her heart "So tonight we drink,"

"Tonight we drink," She nods in agreement.

But I can see us Lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away Like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine

And they did drink. They drank in James' room with queen blaring and bottles of wine in hand.

They drank enough to jump around his room in ridiculous dance moves and drunken giggles.

They drank enough to whisper drunken secrets that they never meant to tell.

They drank enough to feel their hearts beat too quickly at the slightest touch.

"I should go," She's slurring a little, both laid on their backs, staring up at the ceiling.

"Just stay," He slurs back, rolling onto his side to look at her. The only light in the room is the moon beams beating through the window, illuminating her in a silver glow that makes James' heart skip a beat when she turns her head to look at him

"I shouldn't," She speaks quietly

"You can though. We've shared a bed a million times what's different now?" He questions. She's not sure, maybe it's that she has a crush on him, although she'd had that for a while, since she was 10 to be exact.

"I don't know," she mumbles, a sleepy yawn creeping out of her mouth

"Nothing is. C'mon shortstack, just sleep here. Can build y' a pillow wall if it'd make you stay," He pouts a little at her and she can't help but smile

"M'kay," She agrees, rolling onto her side to face him

"You're really beautiful y'know?" he whispers, the glow of the moon makes her look angelic

"Shut up Potter,"

"No, I mean it. You've always been pretty but the last couple years, look like a damn angel,"

"You're drunk,"

"I am," He nods, tucking her hair behind her ear a little "Think it when I'm sober too. Just don't have the balls to say it,"

"Jamie," She giggles a little, blinking slowly "Since when have you ever not had the balls to do something?"

"You make me nervous, have done since we were 12, s'why I avoided you a bit at school,"

"You're an idiot," She mumbles sleepily.

"Can't help I have a crush on you," He retaliates

"You have a crush on Lily Evans," She counters, rolling over and letting sleep over come her before she says something she regrets.

Your back Beneath the sun Wishing I could write my name on it Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinking I had you

They woke up to the door bursting open making her jolt up and James groggily blink his eyes open

"James, I need you to go into town and- Oh, hi sweetheart, I didn't know you'd slept here," Effie is carrying a basket and filling it with from James' overflowing laundry bin before she notices the girl

"Sorry to overstay my welcome," She smiles politely

"Nonsense my lovely, you're always welcome here," Effie smiles, turning to James who has now shoved his glasses on and is blinking at the hard sunlight

"Can you go to town please? need you to drop your dad's car at the garage so it's fixed when he gets back from London,"

"Sure," James nods, ignoring his mums pretty obvious grin at the sight of the girl in his bed, she'd wanted them to date since they were like 5.

She agrees to go with James and so soon enough she's say with her feet up on the dash clad in one of his tshirts and the denim shorts she'd worn to his house the night before, humming to the radio.

"Lily Evans is very pretty," James comments, eyes focused on the road in front of him

"She is,"

"Meant what I said last night though. Had a crush on you for a long time," He adds, not daring to look at her although if he had he'd have seen her cheeks flushing a bright red

"Oh,"

"Yeah," He nods slowly, indicating as he pulls of the road of the small town and into the garage, stopping the engine when he's in a space. "Thought you should no I wasn't just saying it cause I was drunk,"

He's out of the car and entering the reception of the garage before she can respond. The walk from town to their houses has never felt so long, the silence between them never felt so tense. James feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, pounding and his hands clammy. She makes the first move, reaching over to grab his hand. They don't say anything but their hand stay linked together until they arrive at her door step.

"I'll see you later?" He questions

"Okay," She nods, aware of his eyes focused completely on her, practically boring into her soul. So, despite the nerves in her chest she stretches onto her tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before retreating into her house leaving a blushing James in her wake.

"What are you doing here?" She questions, leaning on the open front door into her house as James stands in front of her hands clutching a picnic basket and shuffling slightly anxiously.

"Wanna go watch the sunset?" He asks, avoiding eye contact. She can't help the blush that floods her cheeks as she nods, allowing James to lead her out of her doorway and onto the houses shared driveway.

He takes the lead this time, grabbing her hand and suddenly the tension is gone, they speak like they always have, no tension or awkward pauses.

They reach the lake and James pulls a blanket from the basket, watching with a dopey grin when she dramatically drops onto it, laying next to her as she pulls the snack he'd brought from the basket, smiling excitedly and thanking him for every one.

"I love sunset," She comments, shuffling to look at the golden pink hues glistening on the water

"I know," He shrugs, grabbing a chocolate covered strawberry

"You do?"

"See you watching them, at school I mean," He shrugs

"Up in the astronomy tower,"

"Mmm, or from the quidditch pitch, or the owlery, or sometimes down by the lake,"

"Stalker," She scoffs, eyes still focused ahead but a light blush

"I like looking at pretty things," He shrugs, he of course, is not staring ahead, instead focusing on the girl who's head lulls onto her shoulder, legs stretched out in front of her.

"You aren't smooth," She teases, looking up to see him staring down at her

"Why are you blushing then short stack?"

"m'not, sunburnt,"

"You aren't fooling anyone," He smirks

"I don't like you," She mutters, rolling her eyes

"Okay," He nods, watching as she grabs a slice of pita bread, dipping into the humous in front of her

"I'm serious,"

"Shame I like you so much then isn't it," He grins.

"I guess it is," She returns, eyes flashing up to look at him. She takes him by surprise when she stands up.

"C'mon," She offers him her hand, "We are going swimming," She adds, he laughs, allowing her to drag him to the edge of the lake.

He watches, respectfully, as she shimmies out of her shorts and pulls her hoodie off, leaving her in just her bra and pants before jumping into the water. He follows quickly, aware of her eyes scanning his toned chest.

"Fucking freezing," He complains, swimming after her as she laughs, the golden sky painting a heavenly glow around them.

"You're a baby," She mutters, he rolls his eyes, opening his arms and pouting dramatically

"The least you could do is come keep me warm," He smirks, she scoffs but swims towards him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as his settle around her waist, her legs subconsciously circling around his hips.

"Maybe it's worth the cold," He smiles,

"Think it might be," She agrees, heart stopping when she notices his eyes flickering to her lips. He leans in quickly, almost like he's nervous, but the second she kisses back relief floods James and he stops his nerves.

He kisses her gently, like she's the most precious thing on earth as her hands curl into his hair, breathless when he pulls away.

"Definitely," He announces in a whisper.

Back when we were still changing for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love, and saying "Us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose No

"Can't believe you still have this thing," James teases, waving the flying pig teddy he'd got her for her 9th birthday in the air as he sprawls out across her bed

"Oh yes, Porkster the pig will remain pride of place on my bed till the day I die," She laughs, the door to her ensuite is open and she's leaning over the sink to check her facemask in the mirror

"As he should, keeping a watchful eye,"

"Ew James," She mocks, turning to look at him as he sits up on the bed, back resting on the head board

"That's your dirty mind," He holds his hand up in defence as she crosses the room and it's on the bed, James puckering his lips to her for a kiss

"Nope,"

"I hate your stupid face masks,"

"But you love my smooth glowy skin," She reminds, he shrugs

"Love getting to kiss you more," He shrugs

"Are you jealous?" She teases

"Of Porkster the pig getting to live his days in your bed and watch you change everyday? Absolutely I am,"

"Of my smooth glowy skin you idiot,"

"I know what you're trying to do. I'm not doing a face mask with you," He grumbles.

Predictably, only 10 minutes later James is sat, messy overgrown hair pushed back with a frog hairband and a pout on his face that's covered in face mask. The only good thing about the whole predicament, in James' humble opinion, is her, perched in his lap, legs around his waist as she finishes painting his face with the mask.

"You're lucky you're cute," He grunts when she declares she's done

"You will be desperate for my face mask all the time when you see how great your skin could be," She argues, laughing when he gives her a fake pout. She clambers off his lap, returning her face mask to her bathroom cupboard and grabbing her polaroid camera from the shelf.

"Smile Jamie," She demands, he rolls his eyes but does as told, allowing her to snap a picture of him

"Y'know, now we both have face masks-" He starts, as she turns to her vanity, placing the camera down as she shakes the little picture in hopes it'll dry quicker

"It'll smudge," She cuts him, off knowing what he's going to say.

"I don't care," He announces, she wasn't sure when James had climbed off the bed and walked over, too distratced with tucking the picture into her mirror, but James' arms are wrapping round her waist in a tight hug. "Gimme a kiss now," He practically demands, watching her through the mirror as she's practically beaming

She allows him to spin her around dramatically until they're chest to chest, lips falling onto hers.

"I'm gonna miss you," She comments, the summer had flashed by way too quick. Full of ice cream sundaes James ate until he felt sick, sun bathing in the Potter's garden, roasting marshmallows over her dad's bbq, swimming in the lake, movie days when the air was too stuffy. And laugher, god she'd never laughed so hard.

"Shush," He demands, his hand clutching hers as they sit crosslegged in the small treehouse they'd shared their whole lives

"Rude,"

"You're not gonna miss me, still gonna be together at school,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," He nods dopily, smiling down at her as her head falls onto his shoulder "Think of all the things we can do at school. Can watch the sunset together from the astronomy tower, you can come hang with me and the boys, we can play 1v1 quidditch, we can go on hogsmeade dates,"

"We can study cause it's our last year and we need to actually pass,"

"You're boring,"

"I can make studying fun,"

"No one can make studying fun,"

"Every time you get an answer right I'll take off an item of clothing,"

"I stand corrected," He smirks

"People will talk y'know,"

"I know," He nods, pressing a kiss to the top of her head "'mnot worried about it," He adds

"I am,"

"Hey, let them talk. You make me happy, they can say what they want it won't change that,"

"You make me happy. Like really happy,"

"I'm glad shortstack, I really am,"

'Cause you were never mine Never mine But do you remember? Remember when I pulled up And said "Get in the car" And then canceled my plans Just in case you'd call? Back when I was living for the hope of it all For the hope of it all "Meet me behind the mall"

It was like that for a while, the first week of school the pair were attached at the hip and yet still James put no label on their relationship. She hadn't minded, she thought they knew where the stood.

That was until it had been four days since James had spoken to her.

That was until he'd pulled her into an empty classroom with guilt in his eyes.

That was until now.

"What did you do?" She knows him too well, knows him enough to see he's fucked up. It's evident.

"Look, I should have handled things differently," He admits, hand pulling through the messy curls on his head

"James, just tell me," She prompts, watching him pace "Beating around the bush won't change whatever it is you've done,"

"I kissed Lily," He's ghostly pale as he says it, eyes flickering to look at her.

"You better be fucking kidding me, Potter,"

"I know it was wrong. But, you have to understand, it was Lily. I mean Lily Evans, I've been in love with her for years," He's rambling, the lines he'd practiced with Remus to try his hardest not to hurt her have slipped his mind

"Do you regret it?" She questions, standing from the desk she'd been perched on

"I- I regret that it hurts you," He admits

"Christ- fucking- do you even want me to forgive you?" She snaps the question out, eyes widening when he stills, silence saying more than words ever could. "Oh," She lets out

"I meant everything I said to you, over summer, I- it wasn't fake-"

"Kinda feels like it was," She interrupts, grabbing her bag from the floor she wants to leave, wants to walk away but her anger over takes her "I mean seriously, James. I didn't make a move on you, you made one on me. You told me you liked me, you told me that Lily didn't matter, you showed up and took me on a picnic date, you spent every waking minute with me. Why? Why string me along,"

"I didn't know that Lily was an option. Wait! That sounds bad I-"

"No. I get it, if Lily Evans didn't want you I was just about goo enough, I kept your dick wet for the summer until you got back here and other options,"

"Christ, it's not like you were my fucking girlfriend," He groans, he says it out of his own shame, not wanting to feel as bad as he did. She scoffs, walking towards the door leaving him to realise exactly what he said.

"Wait, shortstack-"

"Doesn't matter James, I wasn't your girlfriend," She snaps, leaving the room without another word.

Remember when I pulled up

And said "Get in the car" And then canceled my plans Just in case you'd call? Back when I was living for the hope of it all For the hope of it all "Meet me behind the mall"

"Are you okay?" Esme, her closest friend recently, a hufflepuff who'd taken her under her wing after her big argument with her Slytherin friends.

"Yeah," She nods, keeping her eyes glued to the book in front of her in the library.

"You don't have to be y'know? What he did was horrid," She comforts, James is sat two tables down with Lily studying and giggling and not even realising she was there.

"I'm okay," She reassures, glancing up to her friend, "He wasn't trying to be horrid, he just- I mean it's Lily, they were always going to end up together I should have known that,"

"That doesn't make how he treated you okay. Besides, no one could have known she'd so a total 180 and suddenly not hate him,"

"No one can really hate him," She shrugs, glancing to the couple who look unbelievably happy. She wanted to hate Lily Evans, but she couldn't. Lily was sweet and kind and never once did wrong by the girl. She had leant her ink when she forgot it. She had tutored her in potions for her OWLs. She'd even apologised to her, explaining that she'd had no idea James was seeing someone when she kissed him, that she'd never have done it if she did. She'd told her James had felt awful about the conversation they had and she'd overheard him ranting to Sirius about how guilty he felt over the whole situation.

She'd forgiven Lily, it wasn't her fault. She didn't really even blame James, sure how he'd gone about the situation was awful, but Lily Evans was perfect. She was kind and caring and beautiful and she'd known how James felt about her.

"He should at least apologise," She knew that Esme was right, James owed her more than the last conversation they had.

"He wasn't mine in the first place Es," She shrugs.

She'd known it from the start. James Potter was Lily Evans', she'd known it all along even if she tried to brush the thought away.

It felt weird that they never spoke again, after 17 years of knowing each other. Of summer holidays and small smiles. James Potter became a stranger all over again. It hurt, that he never bothered to apologise, but she was happy to know he was happy. He wasn't a bad guy, wasn't ever trying to hurt her, he just wasn't hers even if she'd hoped he would be.

Remember when I pulled up And said "Get in the car" And then canceled my plans Just in case you'd call? Back when I was living for the hope of it all For the hope of it all For the hope of it all For the hope of it all For the hope of it all For the hope of it all

MASTERLIST

#james potter x reader #James Potter #marauders x reader #Marauders #james potter x reader angst #harry potter fanfiction

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Note

ahhh i can’t believe you’re writing it!! i’m soooo hyped! 👉🏻👈🏻i’m a simp for James so maybe make it a fluff ending🥺

IF NOT DW I DONT WANNA BE A BOTHER XOXOXOXOXO

Hello I posted this now!!! Hope it’s okay ill leave the link here!!!

Thanku for requesting xxxxxx

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Text

The way I loved you- James Potter- REQUESTED

He is sensible and so incredible

And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better

The first time she was compared to James Potter she was three, their mothers had met when she moved in next door and had a small subtle argument over which toddler was better.

'James could crawl at 6 months'

'Our little darling was talking, I mean full words, at 4 months. None of that baby babble'

'James was walking at 14 months'

'She could make her teddy bears talk at 2'

After a little time the two women became friends, despite a slight competitiveness, and from then on James Potter was her comparison.

If she fucked up her mother would always sigh with a disappointed frown and a comment of 'James wouldn't put Euph through this' like he wasn't a fucking devil child half the time.

When they got sorted into the same house she was beyond annoyed. The same classes meant her mother would always compare their grades and every single test their was only a few marks in them. She mad the quidditch team in second year as a chaser and sure enough, James was the new seeker. She was made prefect and of course he was her partner.

Everything she did James just had to do it too.

It wasn't like he felt any different towards her. The hatred was mutual. It was bubbling and burning through them whenever they so much as looked at each other. With James around she felt everything at a crazy extreme. He was this intense storm of anger and jealousy and competition.

When she first met Matthew Baxter it's what she had liked the most. He was in Hufflepuff, a muggle born. He was calm and relaxing and although maybe a little dull, he was easy to be around. Her blood didn't feel like it was scolding her and his face didn't make her want to scream.

Matthew was the right choice for her. He mellowed her out, dulled her down.

"Would it kill you to be on time?" She spits the question out when James bursts into the room, messy curls and a shout over his shoulder to his friends.

"Miss me that much you can't be without me?" He taunts

"Please, I'd rather have every single one of my teeth pulled then spend time with you," She scowls, the small babble of first year Gryffindors they were, as 6th year prefects, responsible for walking from class to class for the first day of term look shocked at her outburst.

"Maybe then you'd get some dentures and not have that overlap in your teeth,"

"I had braces and that was gone by the time we were 13 Potter, get your glasses fixed," She scoffs, turning to the first years again. "I'm going to walk to the room you need to be in, follow me. Potter-"

"Stay at the back and stop them wondering off, this really isn't hard, no need to explain it to me," He nods

"Not my fault you're a fucking dunce James," She quips, turning on her heels and marching towards the potions class room.

The moment the last first year is loaded into the room she's walking away from James without so much as a 'goodbye'. "What are you in such a rush for? Didn't fancy a catch up?" He questions in faux ignorance, he enjoyed getting on her very last nerve. Found the way her fingers tense up and her eyes roll funny.

"Going to meet Matthew. Y'know cause I have a relationship rather than fawning over a girl who hates me,"

"She doesn't hate me," James mutters

"Actually, as someone is friends with Lily and can speak to her without stuttering, she does," She smirks widely, she knows bringing Lily up always shuts James up pretty quick.

"Oh blow me," He grumbles marching off in the other direction.

"You wish, Potter!" She calls after him, smirking when he flips her off from over his shoulder.

He opens up my door and I get into his car And he says you look beautiful tonight And I feel perfectly fine

"You look nice today," Matthew smiles politely, a week into their sixth year and barely looking up from his open text book at his usual library table as she drops into the seat opposite him.

"Thanks Matt," She sighs softly, pulling her own textbook from her bag "Good day so far?" She questions her boyfriend

"Do you mind if we talk when I've finished this essay?" He questions, not even looking up from the essay not due for another 2 weeks. She's not mad, so he wanted to study and focus, that's fine. Yet she was bored, she often found herself bored around him.

"Right, sorry," She mumbles, beginning to flick through her textbook but unable to focus on the words in front of her. She hears him before she sees him, though that was nothing new. His loud obnoxious drawl seemed to be everywhere.

He flips her off without any other attention, engrossed in his conversation with Peter as his friend group sit down around a table a few metres away.

She can't focus, mind over ran with thoughts she can't even place and so as she zones out she can'y herself from listening in as they discuss the argument that had happened between Sirius and Severus Snape. Laughing loudly and even she can't help but snicker when James jumps onto his chair, doing a surprisingly accurate impression of the Slytherin boy.

"They're so bloody distracting," Her boyfriend mutters, she pulls away her eyes immediately. He wasn't wrong the group were loud and mildly disrespectful of every other student who was clearly in the library to work. The only reason they were even in the library was because Sirius was avoiding the wrath of their quidditch team captain as he missed quidditch practice the day before, knowing the girl from the year above with undoubtedly be in the common room.

"Yeah, rude isn't it?" She agrees, he looks up then seeing her blank page

"Christ you can't even get work done with how loud they're going. I should report them to the librarian, it's so shit Madame Pince is taking maternity leave,"

"I'll just go talk to them," She announces, not mentioning she hadn't been able to focus even before their arrival. She crosses the room wondering why Matthew wouldn't just talk to them rather than reporting them. He wasn't a fan of confrontation, maybe that was why.

"Did you know you are in the library or did you just stumble in?" She questions, glare fixed on James as he looks up to see her

"I'm well aware of where I am,"

"Right, so you know you're being a fucking dick to everyone else here trying to study by screaming bloody murder,"

"Let me guess, you're precious little boyfriend can't focus and now he's sent you over to fix his problems because he's scared to just ask us to be quiet," He speaks in a condescending tone.

"No. I can't focus," She lies

"Well a gentleman would help his girlfriend out and talk to us,"

"I can tell a childish knob to be quiet without his help,"

"Well go on then," James smirks, arms crossing over her chest

"You are pathetic, oh and not funny by the way," She snaps,

"Do you ever shut up?"

"I'll get them to be quiet," Remus assures, James smirking as he watches her stalk back to her table.

She settles in her seat and admittedly the gaggle of boys do quiet down. Matthew however, shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Great now he's staring,"

"He's not staring. He's glaring," She mutters, not bothering to look up, she can feel James' stare on them too

"No. He's staring again. Anyone would think he likes you." Matthew doesn't really seem mad, he speaks in the same monotone as usual.

"He doesn't like me. He can barely tolerate me."

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name You're so in love that you act insane And that's the way I loved you

She wasn't expecting him to say anything, of course she knew he would know, but she hadn't expected him to acknowledge her because of it.

He hadn't really been planning on saying anything. He heard her dad had been rushed to st mungo's, that he'd probably be fine, but his mother had asked him to check on her. He wasn't going to. Not until he actually saw her.

She'd been off all practice, clearly distracted and maybe even dazed, eyes wide and unfocused and barely registering when people spoke to her. It was looking at her then he realised he hadn't seen her all day and despite it all he felt bad, she was a bitch sometimes and he hated that his mum would always say how much smarter and easier she was to deal with, felt jealousy towards how she never seemed to have to try from an outsiders perspective it looked like she just did everything first time perfectly, this of course was far from the truth, but it sparked the envious jealousy he held for her and he knew he had pushed her into reciprocating the feeling, the dull burning hatred.

He still, despite feeling bad, wasn't planning on saying anything. He had been the last into the showers and by the time he was dried off and clad in joggers and a hoodie the changing rooms were empty aside from the one body hunched on a bench in the corner.

He knew it was her could tell from the shape of her knees pulled up to chest with her head resting on them, she sat like that often, when she was tired in the common room or stressed out in the library.

Still, James has every intention of exiting the room without a word. Until he hears the small sniffle she lets out and watches from behind her as one hand raises up to face, he assumes to wipe a tear.

"Uhh...Hi," He stutters a little, unsurprised by the way she turns around quickly. Pushing her knees to the floor almost defensively, and wipes furiously at her cheeks, trying to mask the fact she's been crying.

"If you're going to be a dick about practice I know I played like shit," She snaps, he feels bad that's what her assumption is, but realises pretty quickly he'd never behaved in a way that would make her think differently.

"I just wanted to see if you'd heard anything else," He speaks softly, still not really sure if he should cross the room and sit next to her

"He's having a surgery but they think he'll be okay," She announces, voice quiet and cracking a little. She doesn't think for a second James is only trying to see if she's okay, he'd known her dad a long time, perhaps he was just concerned, that would make plenty more sense.

"And you? Are you okay?" He asks, his own voice is almost silent and christ you could hear a pin drop as she breathes in.

"What do you want James?"

"Fucking hell, just trying to be nice!" He's on the defensive immediately any tone between them other than anger feeling peculiar.

"Why?" She's spits the question out, turning away from him clearly thinking he's going to storm away without another word

"I'm worried. About you I mean," He admits, says it all on one exhale and she visibly softens a little, he takes it as a sign and slowly approaches her. Dropping onto the bench next to her, a large space between them "Hadn't seen you until practice and you played like shit,"

"Bit harsh," She mutters

"I only say it cause you're normally the best on the team, better than me by a mile which is really fucking annoying,"

"Do you think he'll be okay?" She questions quietly, glancing at him and he doesn't think he's ever seen her so vulnerable. He hadn't realised until he was so close how exhausted she looks

"Yeah, course. Routine surgery is- well it's routine. Your dad'll be fine," He reassures, she nods and takes him utterly by surprise when her head drops to his shoulder, resting there for a second.

"Thanks," She murmurs.

"Of course, wish I could do something to help you calm down. You do get stupidly anxious and worked up,"

"You already did, annoyingly, you are the only one who has managed to all day,"

"If it makes you feel better, you can slap me. Lightly." He adds it quickly, upon seeing her eyes light up, he wonder if her eyes has sparkled like that before or if it was the shine of the lights and her glossy tears.

"Can I really?" She beams

"Don't seem to excited," He groans a little, making her let out a slightly sniffle filled giggle

"Not actually gonna slap you Potter. One day I will, but you'll really fucking deserve it," She smiles, head dropping back onto his shoulder and he smiles gently, for the first time seeing her as someone he doesn't have to compete against.

Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you It was a big match, a fucking important match. That was the only thing ringing through James' mind, at least the only thing he was acknowledging.

"You'll be great," Remus hypes him up, comforting smile and tired eyes

"Unless you fuck up and loose the snitch," Sirius teases, taking a bite of his toast as the boys sit around

"Don't do that, got a big bet riding on you getting us the win," Peter comments

"Well he's not going to do it intentionally you dumb fuck," Sirius smirks, glancing down the table where James' eyes are focused to where the familiar group of girls is sat talking animatedly to the girl clad in quidditch robes with anxiety written all over her face, a look Sirius had never seen on her face before.

"Thought you hated her," It's Remus who says it, also realising just who James is staring at her.

"I do," James mutters "And she's gonna fucking loose the game if she's doesn't pull herself together," he adds, swinging a leg over the bench and stalking down the table.

He flops down into the seat next to Marlene, hands reaching out to grab a small roll, buttering it before stuffing it with bacon and a splatter of ketchup. The girls watching in a bewildered silence and he drops it onto the empty plate in front of her.

"If you don't eat before the competition you're going to fucking die. And worse than that, you're going to loose the rest of us the game. Here, I know you like this I've seen you eat it a million times so pull yourself together," He demands, standing and marching out of the hall before she can even come up with a response.

"That was sweet," Dorcas sighs, eye staring after James

"It was controlling and rude," The girl argues back, although she does take a bite of the sandwich she'd been handed. "Besides that he's a scruffy git probably hasn't washed his hands in weeks,"

"Maybe stop eating the food he made you then," Lily comments, looking up from her paper to see her friend blush

"That'd be rude," She huffs, taking another bite of the sandwich

"Since when did you care about being rude to James?"

***

"It's your fucking fault!" James is shouting, red in the face

"How on earth is it my fault? I did my part, I caught the quaffle, I threw the quaffle, I scored points. All you had to do was catch one fucking ball and-"

"You know it's harder than that!" James argues, Gryffindor had lost and they'd lost bad and the slight fondness she'd felt when James had been checking she was eating, even if only for his own benefit, had long since dried up.

"No! You seriously are pathetic-"

"You wanna talk about pathetic?" James snarls, he can feel Remus trying to pull him away but his blood was boiling and his face was hot and he needed someone to blame. He knew it wasn't her fault, she'd played the best on the whole damn team, but James needed to scream at someone.

"Yeah! I do go on, who's pathetic James?"

"You!"

"Oh really? and why is that Potter? If you are so fucking informed do tell me what makes me pathetic?"

"You can't be alone. I mean seriously, you have jumped from boy to boy for years because you are fucking scared to be on your own,"

"What's it to you? Jealous?"

"As if. You couldn't fucking pay me to date you. I'm just saying, it's almost sad to watch. We all watch as some desperate loser asked you out and you say yes and you date them until you get bored- because the only people you can actually pull are fucking plain- and then you line up your next option, dump the current bore and jump to the next dick. Can't blame you, I'd hate to be by myself if I was you,"

"Fuck yourself Potter! No one else is going to!"

He respects my space And never makes me wait And he calls exactly when he says he will

"Heard you broke up with Matthew," He smirks a little, dropping into the space on the window seat next to her

"What's it to you?" She wasn't in the mood. Her friends had been off with her all day, they claimed Matthew was perfect and she knew on paper that he was, but deep down he also wasn't.

She hadn't admitted to her friends, when they asked her a thousand questions, why she'd done it. She hadn't really even admitted it to herself.

It had been the fight with James. It was by no means the worst screaming match the pair had gotten into. Yet it stung the most. Maybe because she knew deep down it was true. Maybe because she had thought he was changing, she'd seen him differently since the conversation in the locker room and she'd thought maybe they could move past their obvious issues and it hurt her he was clearly not wanting to do the same.

Either way, despite her friends claiming he was he perfect gentleman and her mother adoring him, she'd dumped Matthew only three days late.

"Well I'm just wondering which boring sod you'll be dating next,"

"And again I ask, what's it to you?" She sighs, leaning back against the cool stone wall

"Wanna offer the bloke my condolences,"

"I'll pass on the message," She huffs, turning back around to face the corridor that bustles with people. "Can you leave, I can't be arsed to deal with you right now,"

"Remus thinks I should apologise," He admits softly

"Well, Remus is probably right. I didn't need your psychoanalysis then nor do I want to speak with you about the topic further now,"

"No, not for that. Well, yeah for that. I just- I more meant that I lied. I said the only guys you can pull are plain. That wasn't true, you could have whoever you wanted if you let yourself be alone long enough to work out what that actually is,"

"Yeah, well. I think I worked it out,"

"Really? go on then,"

"I want to feel alive. I want to feel everything, happiness and joy and jealousy and anger. I want it all to feel so intense I can't breathe properly. I want it to be intense, I want to fall and hope he's gonna catch me."

"Matthew didn't make you feel like that,"

"No. No it was like slow motion, black and white and everything was numb. I knew how I supposed to feel and I just didn't. There was no...I don't know-"

"Passion?"

"Yeah. No passion, I- that's it,"

"You'll find it." James shrugs, standing up and sauntering down the corridor like the whole conversation never happened.

He's close to my mother

Talks business with my father He's charming and endearing And I'm comfortable

She hadn't been able to breathe when it happened. It was like a car crash, she do desperately wanted to look away but she couldn't. Instead she stares, James is falling, knocked off his broom by a bludger and he's falling fast an he was so high and he could fucking die.

She wants to do something, wants to race to the ground and attempt to catch him, but she can't even move. It was too much. This was all too much. The game has paused, the stands silent, everyone's staring at the class clown, the kid almost everyone likes, as he falls. People are trying to catch him but it's too fast. The whole moment is too much and god she can't breathe.

It's like the minute he hits the ground the world starts again, the game is abandoned because this kid might actually be dead. There's people surrounding him instantly, she watches as his trio of friends sprint onto the pitch and join the crowd of students and teachers alike who are frantically checking over the boy.

She's not really sure what happens next, someone's carrying him to the hospital wing and a she dismounts her broom she feels the rise in her chest like she's going to be sick. Someone, a teacher she assumes, is shouting that no one is to go to the hospital wing and she hears Sirius Black's shout of 'That's fucking bullshit' and his friends are halfway to the castle in the blink of an eye.

It feels like autopilot as she feels Marlene wrap and arm round her shoulder, the girls are walking back to the common room and the rest of the day drags. McGonnogal comes into the common room to announce that close friends can go and visit James and she almost goes. Although it's noted Remus, Sirius and Peter never came back so were potentially let in immediately, that or they had been sat in the corridor outside the room this whole time.

She's so close to going that she walks all the way there, her anxiety is still eating her alive despite Dorcas whispering that it's a good thing he can have visitors. She get's there though and sees a crowd of people around his bed, she can't even get a glimpse at him as she stands outside, frozen once more. She wasn't his friend. Not really. So why is she here? Why does she care? She doesn't even know if people would let her in, not when everyone knows they hate each other.

Sirius is walking towards her down the corridor before she can move. "I wrote to his parents," He says quietly, and she nods, she'd been planning on offering to do so when she spoke to him, then again she hadn't expected a crowd of people confused why she even cared.

"Right. That's uh- I was just going to offer to do that. But um, yeah if you have it covered then I should go,"

"You can come in y'know? Think he'd like to see you," Sirius says it softly, and with an authority like he knows something she doesn't.

"We both know he wouldn't. Hates me," She shrugs, Sirius smiles and lets out small chuckle shaking his head a little

"Maybe so, but he'd want to see you," He's walking away, the crowd parting to let him close to James.

It's the middle of the night, way past curfew when she next arrives at the hospital wing. Sneaking in to the otherwise empty room and towards James' bed.

He's asleep, which she expected. He looks bad, pale and covered in large scrapes and purple bruising. He looks peaceful though, almost ethereal and without the taunting words and insults spilling from his mouth she can almost see why so many girls fancy him.

"You like watching me sleep?" He whispers the question, one eye flickering open with a smirk

"You fucking idiot- would it kill you to be careful so I don't have to worry about your safety all the time!?" She's whisper shouting the question and shoving his shoulder out of frustration leading to him wincing slightly.

"Anyone would think you care,"

"You're so fucking dumb," She mutters, dropping onto the seat next to his bed

"Why this time?"

"Obviously I care about you," She speaks without so much as looking at him, in fact she's looking everywhere else and James is glad as she doesn't catch the blush that floods his cheeks

"Oh,"

"It's not a big deal James. Known you my whole life and obviously i don't want you to fall to your death or anything equ-"

"I care about you too," He speaks quietly but she silences immediately. They stare at each other in silence for a minute, both trying to read each other and having known each other their whole lives it's easy yet they are both so certain that they're wrong.

"You look like shit," She mutters

"So do you, at least I have an excuse,"

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name You're so in love that you acted insane And that's the way I loved you

She'd told the team captain days before she wouldn't be able to make practice and yet the boy from the year above was still angry. Her reason was valid, Professor Slughorn had asked her to help him out with tutoring some first years for their exam the next day, he'd cornered her and not really given her much of a chance to say no.

"She just needs to show like a shred of commitment," He's bitching to his best friend, Mack, and James scowls a little, it was a harsh comment to make.

"We practice twice a week. It's not hard," Mack agrees, the rest of the group have fallen silent now, clearly all finding the team captain's anger much more interesting than their individual conversations.

"Maybe you should play one of the benches at Friday's game, teach her a lesson,"

"Why would us loosing teach her a lesson?" James mutters, he hadn't meant for people to hear but suddenly every pair of eyes in the room is on her

"What's that Potter?" The captain practically barks

"She's the best on the team by a mile. Jesus not playing her is asking to loose and we all know it," He defends

"She's average," Mack smirks, his best friend is quick to silence him though, knowing James is right.

"She has natural talent but she lacks the commitment needed to go all the way,"

"Go all the way? This is a fucking school sport not a professional league,"

"She needs to put the team first,"

"She does!" James defends hotly "She's missed three practices since she made the team in her second year. Two of them cause she was in the hospital wing and the other cause she had detention, all the things she can't help. She's been here when she had exams the next day. She's been here when she found out her boyfriend cheated on her 20 minutes prior. She's been here when she was so sick she fainted. She can't help that old Sluggy cornered her,"

"What are you? Her time keeper?" Mack mocks

"You know I'm right," James ignores Mack, instead focusing his attention to his team captain

"You know she's not gonna shag you right? She hates you," He answers, before turning to the rest of the gawking team "Alright you lousy shits, get out there!"

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

She never heard about him defending her, how would she? James wasn't about to admit to it and she barely saw anyone from the team all week, that was until Hannah, a small second year who was an alternate on the team approached her in the common room.

The younger girl was nervous, and always slightly jittery but she'd formed an attachment to her older teammate who had taken her under her wing, helping her with work and her small drama's. It was nice to have a big sister figure at the school that used to feel a little lonely.

Still, approaching her when she was studying with the tall guy who was so soft he was almost ethereal despite sporting a large scar down his cheek, was nerve racking. Mainly because Hannah had a massive crush on Remus ever since he showed her the way to her herbology green house on her third day at the school.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Hannah questioned, the girl had agreed to help her team mate study as she hadn't understood the content in class.

"Of course not Han, I'll meet you in the library-" She's cut off when James walks past shooting her a dirty scowl

"Bite me, Potter," The girl mutters, refocusing on the second year

"Are you guys dating?"

"No, I hate him" She answers quickly, glancing at where James was disappearing into the stairwell.

"Really? Because he was praising you so much the other night" Hannah comment nonchalantly

"He was what?"

"Oh, so you care?" Remus, who could see what was coming from a mile away smirks

"No! I don't, I couldn't care less" She huffs

"So you don't wanna know what he said?" Remus continues, his head tilting a little

"No,"

"I could tell you-" Hannah is cut off by Remus

"Not until she admits she cares,"

"Why would I care what James Potter has to say about me?" She's met with silence and Remus' irritating I know something face "Fine! I care a little," She grumbles, both older students turning to Hannah.

"That you're the best on the team and we'd loose without you and that you're super dedicated,"

"Oh. Oh- that's quite nice of him,"

"He also listed every time you'd missed practice and all the very valid reasons you had to do so,"

"How would he-"

"Cause he always checking up on you," Remus mutters, turning back to his book "Quite annoying really,"

He can't see the smile I'm faking

And my heart's not breaking 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

The knock on his door startles James, no one ever knocks. The boys barge into the room and other than that people rarely visit the small dorm on the very top floor without invitation.

"Yeah?" He calls out, stretching on his bed and sitting up as the door swings open.

"Hey, could I- could I come in?" She questions head poking through the door with an anxious smile

"Sure," He nods, she hadn't been in any room James even partially owned since they were 7. He looks around, taking in the mess in the dorm. Dirty clothes and scrap parchment littering the floor and the dog toys Peter had brought Sirius in secret santa the year prior in a large pile on top of his trunk. "Sorry about the mess," He adds hastily

"It's fine, I showed up uninvited. Besides our dorm is 100% worse, Marlene leaves shit every where," She shrugs, stepping into the room and it feels off to have a conversation that's not full of insults and teasing. It's nice though, they both feel oddly comfortable.

"Did you, y'know, need anything?"

"Oh right. Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks, Hannah mentioned what you said in the common room the other day and I'm really grateful,"

"Yeah of course. It was true he shouldn't be allowed to chat utter bullshit,"

"Kinda does it a lot,"

"Yeah, bit of an arse really," James nods, eyes scanning her as she hesitantly lingers by the door. "Was that all?" He questions, he doesn't want to kick her out but he isn't really sure what else to say

"Yeah, sorry. I'll um- go. Thanks again," He nods as she stutters, halfway out of the door and lingering for a second more before she leaves the room.

He lets out a sigh, feeling like he'd fucked up because truly he wanted to hate her but really he wanted to talk to her, he liked having her around.

The door swings open again and almost immediately he sits up in shock.

"I want to know why," She states simply

"What?"

"Why defend me? You hate me. Like really hate me and I get that cause I kinda hate you because my whole life you were who I was compared to and I was jealous and I hated you for it. You always seemed to feel the same so why defend me?" She rambles, hands shaking slightly

"Someone had to. What he was saying was plain bullshit,"

"I don't believe you. He chats out of his arse half the time and you've never said anything before. Plus you knew every reason I'd ever not been at practice even one from three years ago and Remus said you check on me and I know you're lying cause when you lie your nose scrunches up and you blink three times fast and then you stare straight ahead,"

Silence follows her statement. Both staring straight at each other, unspoken confessions heavy in the air.

"You know my three best memories?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Number one, winning the house cup. Number two, when I made Gryffindor and I arrived at the table, you moved to make space for me on the bench you grabbed my hand and squeezed it and you knew how much being sorted into Gryffindor meant to me. Number three, fifth year christmas break, I'd had the shittest night of my life, I mean like a horrid night and it was just- everything felt shit. I looked up, out of my window and you were dancing around your room and I felt like the whole world melted away and like everything was gonna work out okay,"

"I don't understand,"

"I can't lie, I know we've being hating each other all these years, but I don't think I hate you anymore, cause every single good memory I have, you're there" He speaks quietly, almost a whisper and she's unsure what to say. It was true for her too. She didn't hate James anymore, she tried to convince herself and the people around her she did but really she saw him as dorky and sweet and almost protective.

She is about to reply, to tell him she hadn't hated him in years but the door is swung open and Sirius and Peter are stubbling in, bent over in laughter and arms around each other to stabalise themselves

"Prongs! We just saw Snivellous- he had bright pink hair! Did you do it? You fucking mastermind- Oh. Oh shit sorry!" Sirius realises the girl's presence "We can go, let you guys-"

"It's fine. I- I was just leaving,"

And you were wild and crazy

Just so frustrating Intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now

They won the quidditch match, she had played and was responsible for the win, along with 70% of Gryffindors points including those won from James catching the snitch.

This of course led to the usual rowdy party. Everyone drank too much, she'd been tipsy since 9pm and now nearing midnight she could barely stand, dancing with Marlene, Lily and Dorcas and giggling with her friends.

James on the other hand felt sober. He wasn't, he'd drank plenty. His mind was like stone though, untouchable to the alcohol. She'd avoided him for days after Sirius and Peter interrupted their conversation. He couldn't not think about it, about her.

He hated her right now, hated how she was giggling at fucking Mack. Mack who chatted shit about her. Mack who he'd defended her from. Yet they were talking and laughing and he was treated like the enemy.

He watched as Mack whispers in her ear.

He watched as she stumbles away from her friends to get a drink with him.

He watched as she dances with him.

He watched as Mack leans into kiss her.

And suddenly he's not watching anymore, suddenly he's standing right in front of them and talking before he can even stop himself.

"Alright Mack you can fuck off now,"

"What's it to you Potter,"

"She's drunk and she doesn't fucking like you. She wouldn't be kissing you if she was sober so move along," James growls, arm reaching out to grab her hand and gently tugging her to his side, she stumbles, leaning into him a little.

"She likes you a lot less," Mack argues, his own hand reaching out to tug the girl back to him

"I said move along,"

"Why don't you?"

"Hey! Hey!" Sirius is shouting now, shoving through the small crowd that's starting to form " Why don't we let her decide who she hates less by herself," He suggests, eyes scanning to the girl who's shuffling awkwardly under all the eyes.

"I wanna go to bed James, I feel sick," She mumbles, leaning into the boy's side.

"Okay sunshine, c'mon," He comforts, arm wrapping around her to pull her back to her room.

He helps her to her room, tugging her shoes off her feet and turning around while she changes into pajamas.

"I don't get why you always do this," She slurs a little as she settles into the mattress

"You really don't get it? You're mine to love, mine to hate, mine to protect, mine to fight. Mine."

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name I'm so in love that I acted insane And that's the way I loved you

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

It's the next morning when she barges into his dorm. All four boys still in the dorm room, Peter mumbling about feeling sick, Remus groaning that the room is too bright and Sirius barely awake grumbling when the door swings open.

"Outside now!" She barks at James, who reaches blindly for his glasses at the sounds of her voice.

"GET IT PRONGS!" Sirius cheers, not quite ready for his own volume and scowling a little.

"What's up?" James questions once in the empty landing

"I don't like you," She states it simply

"You woke me up to tell me that? feels like it could have waited,"

"I don't like that you think you have some weird animalistic 1900's ownership over me,"

"That's not what I mean-"

"I don't like that you confused the fucking daylight out of me. I don't like you just saying shit that changes everything. I don't like that I am supposed to hate you and for some stupid fucked up reason I don't anymore,"

"Well personally I'm glad,"

"I don't like that I had the perfect boyfriend but I fucking broke up with him cause I feel more with you and-"

"You broke up with Matthew for me?"

"Not for you because of you and I don't even know if I don-"

"Shut up shut up shut up shut for once in your life shut up and let me kiss you"

James cuts her off, looking at her for any kind of hesitation and when all she does is nod lightly his lips crash into hers. Emotion overwhelming and as cliche as it felt to admit sparks flying and in that second she knows she did the right thing, knows James was the right choice. Knows he always would be.

And that's the way I loved you

Never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

MASTERLIST

#james potter #james potter x reader #marauders x reader #harry potter fanfiction #marauders

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Note

dude you are soooo kind here is my request hehe: rivals enemies to friends to lover with James and a Gryffindor reader. Ik this is hella specific but if its like Quidditch or school rivalry yk! And obviously I’m obsessed with your Taylor Swift song fics so if you could incorporate one of her songs that would be great! XOXOXOOXOX

Yes omg!! I love this so much I'm legit gonna start it right now . I am currently fighting the urge to give it a angsty sad ending because that's my first thought legit every time I get the idea/am asked to write literally anything. I'll get it up asap!! Have the best day xxx

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Note

also do you take requests??

Hello!!

firstly, I just saw your other messages and they are so kind tysm

secondly, I do!! If you just leave it as an ask I’ll write and as long as whatever I write doesn’t suck ass I will post it.

Thankyou, send love and hugs xxxxxx

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Text

True Love- Sirius Black

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face There's no one quite like you You push all my buttons down I know life would suck without you

"I swear, her body was like fucking heaven," Sirius is talking loudly, aware that it was way more than just his friend group listening to his conversation. It wasn't that he was trying to brag to the whole common room. No. The rest of the world didn't matter, he wanted her to hear. Her to know he'd had sex with someone who wasn't her. He wanted her worked up and jealous and he wanted her to know everything she was missing out on.

"Ignore him," Lily mutters to her best friend, she's sat with a tense jaw and a furiously tapping foot

"He's a man whore. Someone should make him shut up," She mutters it. His plan wasn't working, although she had no clue the whole show was for her in the first place. In fact it was doing the opposite.

Sure Sirius Black looked like he'd been designed by god himself, all messy dark hair and cheeky smirks and broad shoulders. Yes, the few times she'd caught herself listening to his friend group when he wasn't behaving like a pantomime star he had been funny and caring and the whole thing was rather endearing. But Lily and Marlene and Dorcas were wrong.

She wasn't harbouring any secret feelings, no heart wrenching crush, no wishing it was her who got to feel his hands touching every part of her.

She didn't glare at him and make snarky comments to try and get his attention or because she hadn't processed her feelings.

Instead, she just disliked the boy.

"You could be the woman to tame him," Marlene teases, blonde hair twisted around her finger as she bats her eyelashes at a girl in the year above sat a few tables a way.

"And catch whatever diseases he has and fucking die, I'd rather not,"

"Talking about me darling?" His voice is like a purr as he leans over her shoulder, she hadn't even noticed him approaching for which she now feels stupid. His smell, so masculine and somehow soft and utterly him, wrapped around her and she wants so badly to take a deep inhale which was a mystery to her, why would she want that?

"It's interesting to me you hear diseases and link it to yourself? Perhaps you should see Madame Pomfrey," She shrugs, Dorcas smirking a little at Sirius who blanches momentarily

"Or maybe I just know the only boy you'd risk catching a disease for is me. You want me darling, no need to lie about it,"

"Was that supposed to be romantic,"

"No, but it almost was," He smirks, she rolls her eyes a little

"Keep the romance for your next broom cupboard rendesvouz with Julia," She suggests

"Only you get my romantic side darling, don't be jealous," He smirks, standing up straight shooting her a wink before striding up the stairs to the boys dorm.

At the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck You're an asshole but I love you And you make me so mad I ask myself Why I'm still here, or where could I go

"This is my worst nightmare by the way," She states it simply as she drops into the table at the library where Sirius had been waiting. They'd been partnered up for a Herbology project which meant for the next 4 weeks Sirius would get the study dates he secretly wished for since 2nd year.

"Figured as much," He smirks, watching as she pulls her textbooks and some parchment from her bag. Digging around for her quill before a look of annoyance falls onto her face.

"Forget your ink?" He questions, she hadn't. Sirius had enlisted Peter to take it from her bag for him. He was going to do it himself but he knew she'd be glaring at him so harshly he couldn't pull it off. Then he thought Remus, the pair were actually friends and so him coming over and sitting with her long enough to swipe the ink unnoticed wouldn't be some crazy shock, Remus had immediately stated he wasn't going to steal from his friend. And so Peter it was.

"Could I please borrow some?" She questions, expressionless.

"On one condition," Sirius smirks, she groans but nods for him to continue "You tell me what you're doing for the Hogsmeade trip this weekend," His plan was in motion. Find out her plans, hopefully they'd be to hang out with her friends, and then he'd know what they were doing and could go and woo her.

Sirius had no doubt if she just gave him the opportunity he could make her fall as hard for him as he had for her.

"You're a nosy dickhead," She states, glancing around the library before her eyes fall on Snivellous of all people. She stands up, flouncing over to her best friends friend who happily supplies her with his spare ink pot.

Of course. Of course fucking Snape had ruined his otherwise solid plan. Sirius groans, running his hands through his hair frustrated before turning back to her when she drops back into her seat.

"You seriously like Snivellous?"

"Christ no. Just didn't fancy letting you pry into my personal life and knew he'd give me some in the hopes I'd tell Lily and she'd think it's charming," She shrugs and Sirius can't help but chuckle

"I'm glad you don't like him," He announces, watching as she raises her eyebrows in a silent question "I'd have been very worried about your character judgement,"

"No I hate him almost as much as I hate fucking Rose," She spits the name out and Sirius smiles, glad to see her drop her guard around him just a little

"Rose Banley?"

"God yes. She's like torture, her voice sounds like nails on a chalk board. Her laugh is like a dying hyenna. She's fucking rude to Dorcas, I mean genuinely nasty and Dor is the sweetest thing, wouldn't hurt a fly. And everyone always compares us to each other, I mean sure we look kinda similar and both play quidditch in the same position and compete for second best grades after Lils but still, plus, Rose is like fucking head over heels for-" She cuts herself off abruptly and Sirius has been so certain by the look on her face she was going to say him. He wonders though, why that would make her hate the girl more. She couldn't be jealous, maybe she just didn't like her choice in men.

"She's a bitch and you're right about her laugh," Sirius agrees. She's too frozen over her near slip up to do much but nod and the pair begin to work in silence, only talking when necessary until the library begins to clear out as curfew draws closer.

"You could have just asked you know?" She questions, Sirius had fallen into step beside her and she saw no point in walking separately. They were going to the same place and being a few feet apart was plain awkward.

"Sorry I don't know what you're talking about," He admits, eyes flitting down to look at her quickly

"What I was doing for the Hogsmeade trip. I want my ink pot back by the way," She doesn't look at him, but if she turned for even a second she'd see the glimmer of hope written all over his face

"You knew?"

"Peter is the least subtle person I know," She shrugs

"Right." He nods slowly before pausing right outside the door to the common room, not wanting to stop spending time with her "So, what are you doing?" He questions

"We aren't friends and it's none of your business," She states simply

"But?"

"But I have a date," She announces, shoving the door open and leaving him staring after her

You're the only love I've ever known But I hate you, I really hate you So much, I think it must be

"You know you could just ask her out right?" Remus questions his friend, who's currently watching from across the corridor, waiting for the girl of his dreams to exit her potions class room.

Sirius sighs, allowing his friend who had spotted him to pull him out of his concentration.

Sirius had been planning on waiting until she'd left the class, and walking straight up to Rose, a girl who shared the class and he knew she hated, before asking Rose out right in front of her. Hoping to spark some jealousy or at least competition with the girl. That was until Remus had arrived.

"Who are you even talking about?" Sirius feigns ignorance to which Remus rolls his eyes

"I'm not going to help you if you act like a prat,"

"Okay as her friend, do I have a shot?" Sirius questions

"You have more than a shot," Remus shrugs, watching Sirius' face light up "Once you stop showing her the playboy bad boy act and actually just act like yourself around her," He adds with a slight smirk

"You're a dick,"

"She hates you, but I think she would really like the real you," Remus comments, glancing through the small gap in the open classroom door

"So what's your plan?"

"Ask Rose out in front of her,"

"If you want her to like you, that's the worst plan I've ever heard," Remus informs simply.

"She'll be jealous and-"

"She'll see you as even more of an egotistical pig head, her words not mine. Just be honest with her," Remus informs, squeezing Sirius' shoulder before taking up down the corridor

"Where are you going?"

"I don't wanna watch you crash and burn, I'll cringe too much," Remus calls, slipping round the corner and out of sight.

The bell rings and the corridor begins to fill up, Sirius spots her easily. She's got her arm linked through Marlene's and the girls are whispering to each other, excited grins on both their faces.

"Hey Sirius," Marlene smirks upon seeing him, his eyes widen, mouth dry when for the first time, upon seeing him she smiles slightly rather than shooting him a glare.

"Hey girls," He smiles politely, though he's staring at her and it's so clearly meant just for her.

"You looking for someone?" Marlene questions, head making what he's sure she thinks is subtle nod to her friend who shoots her a silencing glare.

He feels like someone has their hand wrapped around his throat, like someone is making it impossible for him to speak. Remus' words ringing through his head. He should abandon his plan.

Lie and say he needed to study for the herbology project today instead of tomorrow.

Tell the truth and admit he liked her and ask her to ditch whoever she had this date and go out with him instead.

Anything other than

"Yeah, Rose," He smirks, pushing past the girls and towards Rose who greets him with a bright smile.

Sure, he felt a bit bad using her but he just didn't have the nerve to admit how he felt, not when she fucking hated him.

True love, true love It must be true love Nothing else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love No one else can break my heart like you

"I mean sure, I thought maybe I got it all wrong," The girl is ranting to her friends as they all sit around their dorm, mugs of hot chocolate in hands and a pack of playing cards still in the middle of the floor, game yet to be restarted.

"How do you know you didn't?" Lily questions

"He asked Rose out, that's like a fucking violation. I mean I say I hate her and then suddenly he's interested in her,"

"Almost like he's trying to get under your skin," Dorcas comments, holding her hands up in surrender when she's shot an ice cold glare

"I mean Sirius is very good looking," She states

"He's practically carved by a god," Lily agrees

"And I guess with the studying over the last couple days we had a few good conversations and I considered the option I was wrong and he's alright,"

"I think he's funny," Marlene comments

"But I've hated him for years and what, I have one good conversation with him that doesn't end with me wanting to rip my hair off my head and suddenly I what? Don't hate him?"

"Have a massive crush on him," Lily teases

"I do not-"

"You always have. You just don't know how to process your emotions," Marlene smirks

"It's alright, if you spoke to him I'm pretty sure he'd tell you he's head over heels for you," Dorcas shrugs, stretching almost cat like before taking another sip of her drink

"The sexual tension between you two is fucking insane," Lily comments

"Speak for yourself,"

"Don't bring James into this!" Lily scolds, shoving her best friend a little

"I don't fancy him and I have a date with Tim tomorrow,"

"Tim's boring," Marlene complains

"You guys have been on four dates and he hasn't even kissed you yet," Lily adds

"He's shy, which is sweet. Way better than over the top arrogance,"

"Confidence is sexy," Dorcas shrugs

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings Just once please try not to be so mean Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E Come on I'll say it slowly You can do it babe

Despite Remus telling him this was the worst idea he'd ever had, Sirius had managed to force Marlene to find out where Tim was taking her on their date and planned to do the exact same date with Rose, knowing how much it would piss her off, after all, even negative attention was better than the standoffish cold silence he'd been greeted with when they studied the night before.

He wasn't the type to make much of a habit of Madame Puddifoot's and he knew for a fact she would hate this place, yet as he leads Rose into the small tea shop full of teens on dates, his eyes immediately land on her.

She looks beautiful, a small coy smile on her face and yet her eyes look almost disinterested, he wonders if Tim could tell.

"Ooh, can you excuse me for a second? I just saw Tim and I need to pass on a message from his dorm mate," Rose speaks, Sirius can't help but agree about her voice in his mind

"I'll come with," Sirius smirks, arm going around the girls shoulder to lead her towards the couple.

He feels his heart drop a little when he notices Tim's hand holds hers on the small table as he leans over to be closer to her.

"Hey darling," He smirks, Rose and Tim caught up in their own conversation

"Sirius," She acknowledges politely

"Good date?"

"Great," She speaks curtly

"I'm glad," He drawls, flashing her a wink before he allows Rose to drag him to a booth.

Sirius follows her into the same side of the booth, the one clearly in her eye line.

"What are you doing silly?" Rose panders, voice shrill

"Just wanted to be closer to you babe," Sirius lies smoothly, not watching to notice the blush overtake Rose's cheeks

Rose waffles into his ear but he stares at the girl a few tables away who's laughing at Tim, he notices that it's not her laugh. Not the laugh he'd coaxed out of her late in the library, the one that makes her nose wrinkle and he hand clasp to her chest.

"You friends with her or something?" Rose questions, drawing his attention momentarily

"Mutual friends," He shrugs, forcing himself to pull his eyes away and focus on Rose, if the plan him and James thought up in the back of Muggle Studies was going to work she couldn't know he was more focused on her than Rose.

"Oh, Marlene I guess,"

"Yeah and Moony," He nods in confirmation, feeling eyes on them he shuffles slightly closer to Rose, arm coming around her shoulder comfortably.

"About her only friends I can stand,"

"Really?" He questions, expecting the answer he recieves

"It'a just Dorcas really, she's so whiney and pathetic," Rose bitches, he zones out as he watches her laugh with Tim. Watches him cover their bill, watches her kiss his cheek in thanks and take his hand.

Rose's bitching like white noise and jealousy sprouting in his heart. He doesn't think, James had specifically told him not to over do it, but when she takes one last glance through the window Sirius crashes his lips to Rose's.

True love, true love It must be true love Nothing else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love And no one else can break my heart like you I love you, I think it must be love, I love you

"Seemed like you had a good date the other day," He speaks casually

"I did," She informs, nose still buried in her herbology text book.

"So did I," He adds

"Glad to hear you got your dick wet, Black," She doesn't bother to look up and Sirius almost wishes he hadn't brought it up because he swears he can see a look of hurt on her face for a split second.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, you had your tongue halfway down her throat in a coffee shop lord only know what you were doing in private," She shrugs simply

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were-"

"Jealous?" She questions, finally looking up at him her brows raised in question

"Something like that,"

"Please, I have self respect," She mutters

"What's that supposed to mean?" He questions, slightly offended

"I want someone who cares about me, sees me as more than just a shag," She shrugs

"Someone boring and predictable," Sirius mutters

"Not at all what I'm saying," She retaliates

"Guess Tim makes a bit of sense now," He smirks

"He has nothing to do with this,"

"So you aren't seeing him again?" Sirius hates the spark of excitement in his chest.

"That's none of your business and also nothing to do with this," she snaps

"Can I just ask, what do you think this is?"

"This is me hating a dirty pig headed playboy and being forced to study with him,"

"Y'know I don't think you actually do hate me," He speaks, she's not sure why the air around her suddenly feels hot or why his cologne smells so strong until she realises he's leaning in, far closer to her than he ever had been before "I think you just wish I'd give it all up to be with you,"

"Like you think you could have me,"

"Oh, I know I could," He smirks, eyes flickering to her lips "I can tell by the way you look so nervous. You wanna know what I think this is?" He questions

"Not particularly,"

"I think this is a matter of time. I think one day you'll snap and admit you've wanted this all along,"

"And what? You'll be waiting,"

"Darling, you know I could give you the night of your life," He's so close now that she can feel his hot breath fanning across her face, it's almost like a promise

"Too bad I have a boyfriend then isn't it," She smirks, pulling away and turning back to her book.

Why do you rub me up the wrong way? Why do you say the things that you say? Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be But without you I'm incomplete

The music is pounding in the Gryffindor common room, the party in full swing and in the middle of it all there she is. Alcohol is running through her blood stream, heart beat faster and eyes fixed on him.

He looks almost too good, eyes focused in on her and a half empty bottle between his long and slender fingers. He's leaning against a wall, chatting casually with Peter and watching as she dances with Lily.

It was rare that the common room hosted house only parties, only once a term usually and probably thrown together last minute. Sirius was glad however that it was house only, with Tim being in Ravenclaw it allowed him to look at her and not have to see her drunk and making out with her boyfriend.

He wanted them to break up so badly, the last three weeks of their relationship was a nightmare for him. Every where she was Tim was close by, flitting around her way too anxious and uncomfortable, the poor guy was like a moth to a flame.

He'd thought a few times about speaking to Tim, forcing the guy to break up with her because he knew she wouldn't really care. He knew she would move on and even if it wasn't himself, Sirius knew she could do a lot better. He didn't however want to add on to the pile of reasons she had to hate him.

It surprises him when stumbling a little, she leaves Lily with Dorcas and Marlene to approach him.

"You sure do like staring at me Sirius," She comments, Peter clearly sensing his turn to leave and slipping off in the direction of James and Remus.

"You're a very pretty view darling," He shrugs simply

"Doubt Rose would appreciate it,"

"She wouldn't have a leg to stand on,"

"Just another notch in your bedpost?" The girl questions with a slight scoff

"I never slept with Rose" He admits rather airily

"You didn't?"

"Course not," Sirius sighs

"Why?"

"Didn't feel fair when I only asked her out to get your attention. Plus sex has been shit recently,"

"And why is that?" She doesn't know why her heart is shimmering with hope

"They aren't you," He shrugs. He freaks a little when he is met with silence but before he knows it her hand is wrapping itself around his "Darling?"

"We are gonna dance now," She informs, pulling him through the crowd

I think it must be True love, true love It must be true love Nothing else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love

"I hope you're fucking happy!" She's yelling the second she enters his dorm. It was empty aside from a shirtless Sirius who turns in slight surprise

"Alright darling?"

"For christ's sake, put a shirt on so I can yell at you," She grumbles

"Distracting?" He questions, easily catching the shirt she's flinging at him

"You told my boyfriend to break up with me!"

"You weren't happy with him. He wasn't good enough," Sirius shrugs

"For fucks sake Sirius! You don't get to decide that you barely even know me, how would you know if I'm happy?"

"Your eyes don't light up around him, sue me, I notice that shit when it comes to you!" He's yelling back now, frustrated that she couldn't see it

"It's none of you business,"

"You're acting like an idiot. Have you even noticed you're hardly even upset! You don't care about Tim you're just mad at me! Think about why!"

"Because you made my boyfriend break up with me!" She yells, exasperated

"You shouldn't even be with him!"

"And why's that?" She snaps

"Are you kidding? Fuck! It's like you never even see me. I am right here. I am right here and I am perfect for you!"

"No! No Sirius! I hate you!"

"You're blind,"

"No. You are. We aren't perfect for each other. You irritate me, your voice is annoying, you're a man whore, you're an attention seeker your hair needs to be fucking brushed for once and I hate that you think you know the first thing about me!" She's yelling, pacing, and Sirius is so far past done with this shit.

"Okay. If you think you truly hate me then kiss me. Kiss me and if you feel nothing I'll drop this and I'll leave you alone and I'll go to fucking Tim and tell him-"

He's shut up by her lips crashing against his. Her hand immediately tugging him by his crumpled shirt as close as humanly possible, allowing him to push her against the wall of the dormitory. He explores every little part of her, hands seemingly everywhere all at once because fuck if he was only going to kiss her once it was going to be the best kiss of his life. He was going to commit every single curve and dip of her body against his.

Her hands tangle in his hair, lips falling from his in a breathless gasp, not stopping him when his travel down her jaw to suck light kisses into her neck, a slight moan falling from her lips and a whine when he pulls away, forehead falling flush against her.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you felt nothing and you can never speak to me again," His voice is a low whisper and it makes her knees weak

"Okay, I'll admit. Maybe for once in your life you were right," She admits, he grins widely, lips chasing hers all over again but she shoves him away slightly. "Sirius I can't just be one of those girls you sleep with and brag about in the common room, it's not me and-"

"Do I really have to spell it out for you? I love you. There you go. You aren't some random hook up to me. I love you. Are you happy now?"

"I think I love you too. I mean I thought I hated you but the line between the two is so thin and-"

"You don't have to love me yet. But you will, cause you and I darling, we are prefect for each other,"

"Just don't break my heart Black,"

"Never,"

And no one else can break my heart like you No one else can break my heart like you No one else can break my heart like you

MASTERLIST

#sirius black x gryffindor!reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius #marauders x reader #marauders #harry potter fanfiction

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lottiebagley · 2 years

Text

Afterglow- Sirius Black

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue Put you in jail for something you didn't do I pinned your hands behind your back, oh Thought I had reason to attack, but no

"You don't give a shit about me!" The words come out of his mouth before he can stop them, he knows it's not true, if any one person gives a shit about him it's her. She cared about him more than anything else on the planet, and he knows it.

He notices her cringe a little, sees her blink her eyes tightly shut, knows she's trying not to cry.

He wants to take it back. Wants to take everything he's said and done in the last 30 minutes back. The fight was stupid, they both knew it was stupid.

He was in a bad mood, he'd argued with Remus last night so he woke up in a bad mood. He'd missed breakfast, he'd forgotten the homework he actually did for once and landed a Friday night detention. He'd only done the homework to avoid a Friday detention so he could take her out and now he was going to have to disappoint her. James was sick with the flu and not in class all day, instead in the hospital wing. His parents wrote another stupid letter. It was just not a good day.

She was an innocent bystander.

She'd been talking happily with her friend Alexander, a boy Sirius did not like. He wasn't the controlling type, sure he got jealous, but he never tried to control her life. He knew better than to try and do that, he respected her too much to try and do that. But Alexander had his same curly dark hair and flirty charisma, if she loved him surely she liked Alexander. But he'd been in a bad mood. He was having a bad day. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Talking to Alexander whilst she waited for Sirius to join her in the common room. He'd scowled when he saw them and stormed upstairs and god she wished she hand't followed.

Maybe then they'd be in a whole different fight. She tries to convince herself of that, tries to make herself feel like this isn't her own fault. She should know Sirius better than to follow when he's in a bad mood.

On a normal day he'd be telling her he's stupid and nothing was her fault and god he'd say it now cause it's true. She was only following after him cause she cared so damn much, he didn't have a leg to stand on when his supposed problem was that she didn't care about him.

"You're a spoilt brat!" She snaps, she couldn't believe after three years he could say that. Three years she'd put him above everything else. The audacity astounded her.

"Oh you would think that," He snaps, she knew what he was implying. Sirius was elegant and gentlemanly, from a home of wealth even if he despised it and didn't live there anymore. She was a muggle born who's single mother worked night shifts at a hospital to provide for her and her sister.

He regrets it immediately. He loves her family, he thinks her mum is a saint and her sister is hilarious and he never once thought she was inadequate due to their different financial standings, even though she worried about it all the time. Even living with James his position was more than well off, it's why she dreaded christmases and birthdays knowing she couldn't give him the extravagant gifts he gave her.

"You're horrid, you know that, right now you're fucking vile," She looks like she's about to cry and he can tell from her voice she doesn't mean it.

God he wishes someone would cast a spell right now that left him unable to speak, so he could calm down and not do anymore damage.

"Well now you know what it's like dating you," It's a childish response

"Oh I'm horrid?"

"Yes!"

"Name one time of been anything but good to you?"

"When you were whoring yourself out to Alexander literally 30 minutes ago,"

"Whoring myself out?" She's livid, eyes wide and red cheeks and the tears making her face sticky aren't upset, they're anger

"It certainly looked that way," Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. He's begging himself yet he seems to have lost all control of his mouth.

"What are you insinuating?"

"You know what I mean!"

"If you want to accuse me of something then look me in the eyes and say it Sirius!"

He's done it now. She's very angry. She only calls him Sirius when she's furious. He knows that. The whole thing is a sensitive topic for her. Her dad cheated on her mum. The one ex she had before him cheated on her. He knows opening his mouth one more time could be detrimental, and yet, the anger pulsing through his body has his mouth running once more.

"I think you're cheating on me with Alexander," He speaks, his once raised voice low.

He doesn't. Doesn't for a second. Anyone could see how utterly enamoured she is with him. Could see she loves him endlessly and would never want to hurt him. Anyone could see it was all reciprocated.

She looks hurt, looks like she's folding in on herself.

He's waiting for her to shout back. To take her own low blow as he just did.

She doesn't, she's turning and walking towards the door and Sirius is grabbing out to stop her because he was wrong, he was so in the wrong he was certain no one on earth had ever been more in the wrong and he wants to explain that and wipe her tears and make this whole thing go away.

She's out of the door and he's following, shouting after her but the second they reach the corridor it's too late. Her best friend, Marlene, has her wrapped in an insanely tight hug the second she sees her and Sirius wonders if everyone in the room that's currently staring at him heard. Marlene guides the crying girl up towards the door, further and further away, he's trying to follow but Lily is stopping him and the whole world is spinning and he feels like he's on fire.

He could scream, or cry, or hit something.

He's turning around storming out of the room and away from the eyes and the whispers collapsing on his bed and crying.

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say

He doesn't see her the next day. He sits outside her dorm all day. He knocks and talks through the door but stops when he hears the sound of his voice only seems to make her cry.

He sits there though, doesn't move all day. Remus and Peter try to coax him away but he won't budge. Her friends deliver her food and Remus does the same for him. He doesn't see her though.

He's sat cross legged when he does see her. 29 hours after the fight. His eyes bloodshot and it's 3AM, the moon illuminating the corridor outside her dormitory, he's been there since 9AM and he knows he should move, to go to bed, but he was used to her sneaking into his dorm and sleeping in his arms and he doesn't know if he'll be able to sleep without her there.

She exits the room, clad in his quidditch sweater and fluffy pj bottoms, her koala slippers on her face. She looks effortlessly beautiful to him despite her red, puffy face, her crying evident.

"I know I'm stupid," He speaks as she sits down next to him. She leaves a safe distance, not looking at him.

She's scared if she looks at him, at his dishevelled appearance and red eyes she'll break her resolve, she'll cave and hold him in her arms and never let him go and kiss his tear stained cheeks and whisper affirmations of love until he feels okay again.

"I've thought about it. Couldn't sleep so it's all I've thought about since it all happened. And, well, I think-" She cuts herself off, a sniffle, a sharp intake of breath

Sirius thinks he must have fallen asleep against the wall. This must be some twisted nightmare. She can't be about to say what he thinks she's about to say.

"Darling," He breathes, she shakes her head a little, eyes watery all over again

"And I think we both should take a break,"

"No,"

"Siri, we aren't okay right now, we need time to think about if this-"

"You want me to think about if this is what I want? I don't need time. Darling, you're all I think about 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I wake up and I think about you, I spend all day thinking about you, I go to sleep thinking about you. I want this. I want you. Until the day I die I want this," His eyes are threatening to spill tears and his voice is shaky, he's not ashamed to cry in front of her. He would beg her shamelessly to keep him if he thought it would help his case.

"Think about if this is the right fit,"

"What are you saying?"

"I want this to work Siri. I do. But I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. Someone who knows me so little to say that I could ever even enter-"

"No. No darling," He's taking her tear stained face in his hands without even thinking about it "Darling I know you could and would never ever do that. I was just so angry and I couldn't stop my fucking mouth from running. You know how I get and- I don't think you'd cheat. I know you. I know you wouldn't. You can't leave me-please I- I was put on this earth to love you, I am meant to be with you" He's desperate

"We aren't meant for each other," She scoffs a little, and it rips his heart straight from his chest

"Dont. You- Don't say that. We are meant to be, I know we are," He assures, shaking his head a little

"You said it yourself, I'm not- we- you live in a different world,"

"No. No I won't lose you because my family. I won't because lose you because fucking money. You know I don't care about it. I don't care about any of it,"

"Cause you never had to," She states simply. "We just- I'm not saying forever. It's just a break,"

"Couples don't come back from breaks. It never works out,"

"I need space. I think you do too,"

"I'm begging you. Please don't leave me," He's begging and it's breaking every little part of her but she knows they are too different, last night had taught her that.

"I'll see you around. Okay?"

Hey, it's all me, in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant Sorry that I hurt you

"She won't even look at me," Sirius groans, James let's out a sigh glancing up from the desk where he had been trying to finish his homework to look Sirius' girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, James was unsure where the couple stood anymore.

"What you said was fucked," Remus mutters, he was close with the girl and felt protective over her. He would always be on Sirius' side, that was a given, but still he was irritated his friend would say something like that.

"I know. She just- we've been together for three years and she won't even give me a chance to try and work it out," Sirius almost sounds broken, his head in his hands and his foot tapping anxiously

"It's only a break," James tries to comfort him

"Fucking hell James! What couples do you know that ever got back together after a break?" Sirius spits, his voice loud enough to be heard in the common room.

The boys watch as she seems to droop further into her chair, shying away from the curious glances being shot her way. The break up seemed to be the talk of the school. Marlene shoots the boys a cold glare as Lily and Dorcas both seem to comfort the girl.

"Sorry Prongs, I just- I-" Sirius doesn't know what to say.

He's so on edge the slightest frustration he feels seems to make him explode. She was like an anchor, she kept him calm, kept him sane, and so without her everything felt too intense.

"It's alright," James assures, he can sense his best friends uneasy nature. "Give her some time and I'm sure she'll hear you out," He adds

"Wouldn't be so certain," Peter pipes up, rejoining the group having been upstairs to grab his textbook "Boys are practically lining up to date her now she's single," Peter adds, settling back into his seat.

Sirius feels a rage takeover his whole body. Angry that someone else will have her. Angry that someone will hold her, kiss her, love her. Angry that he'll have to watch and angry that the whole thing is his fault.

He's standing up, shoving his chair back and storming out of the room. Needing to get away, from the stares, the whispers, the sight of her seeming so broken.

"Good one Pete," James huffs, they all know better than to go after Sirius, the only person who could ever calm him down when he got like this was her.

"I wouldn't be so sure they aren't going to get back together," Remus mutters, James turning around in slight confusion just in time to see her slip out of the door and follow Sirius into the corridor.

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow

"Are you alright?" He's surprised to hear her voice, turning from his seat at the foot of an old oak tree, staring into space.

She's not far away but also no where near close enough, staring down at him and illuminated by the starlight and to him she's utterly ethereal.

"You followed me?"

"Looks like it," She shrugs, sitting down on the ground next to him "What happened in there?"

"Pete, he didn't mean anything by it- obviously- he just, he doesn't think sometimes. I was just angry,"

"He's harmless but a little socially inept,"

"Yeah. It's just hard not to bite everyone's head off right now," Sirius admits, she sighs a little "I find it hard to not say shit I don't mean when I'm and, you know that obviously, I just- I've already lost the most important person in my life cause I don't think before I speak when I'm angry," He doesn't necessarily mean to say it, doesn't want her to feel guilty because he knows she is right. He had said stuff just to hurt her and clearly it had worked.

"Have you been okay?" She questions

"I- you shouldn't..." He cuts himself off, not sure how to articulate his thoughts

"Just cause we aren't together right now doesn't mean I don't care about you," Her voice is soft, it takes everything in her not to grab Sirius' hand that anxiously tapping at his knee but she isn't sure what their boundaries are anymore.

"I've not been great," He admits, glancing at her, heart sinking at the look of concern all over her face

"I haven't either," She admits. He wants to ask if they can work on it, put everything in the past and just be them again but he doesn't.

"You're going to be okay, you know that right darling?"

"So will you," She smiles softly. His voice calling her the pet name feels so right, the way it drawls out of his mouth with such softness, he called her it a thousand times a day before, her name practically gone to him and replaced with it, and then he didn't anymore. She missed it.

He doesn't know how to tell her without her nothing will ever be okay again

"It is just a break right?" She whispers the question, insecure in the dark night air

"I'm going to wait for you, the rest of my life I will wait if I have to," He promises

It's so excruciating to see you low Just wanna lift you up and not let you go This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight

"You have to come," Lily is pleading, her eyes wide and doe like and lips pouting as Dorcas tugs at their friends hand

"It's no use, I've tried everything to get her to come," Marlene comments, the door from the bathroom where she had been checking her makeup swinging closed behind her

"Why don't you wanna come? You love parties," Dorcas pesters

"Is it Sirius?" Lily questions gently, sitting down at the edge of her friends bed. She's tucked into the duvet, puffy eyes and a mug of tea in her hands

"Of course it's Sirius. The fucking idiot," Marlene mutters, she loved Sirius, but her best friend would always come first. Besides, with what she'd heard as her friend sobbed to her only hours before she was really starting to question the love she held for him.

"I thought you guys were gonna be friends? not avoid each other," Dorcas questions, head poking out from her trunk she's practically half in her, rifling through her belongings as she looks for the top she planned on wearing.

"I'm not avoiding Sirius, I'm avoiding Harriet Underwood," The girls shrugs. Confusion settling on Lily's face. She knew Harriet of course, she was in Ravenclaw and everyone knew she fancied Sirius, she was beautiful but Sirius' eye had never turned when he was so in love with someone else, he barely noticed Harriet's existence.

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't wanna talk about it. I just am,"

"She overheard Harriet's friends talking in Herbology, apparently her and Sirius have been talking loads and he's planning on making a move at the party," Marlene informs

"That's ridiculous and probably a lie,"

"I just can't see it happen," She mutters.

"You want me to stay in with you?" Lily volunteers

"NO. Go have fun, Rem gave me a leant me a book so I'm gonna read and get an early night,"

It's hours later and one too many firewhiskey's when Lily first actually sees Sirius. He's alone, sipping from a bottle of firewhiskey, eyes glassy and flickering around the room. His face is expressionless and he seems utterly broken, nothing like his usual party self, in the middle of a crowd with James making everyone laugh, arm hooked tightly around his girl.

"Evans-"

"I'm not dancing with you P-"

"No. No it's not about that," James interrupts surprising Lily "Is she here? Sirius can't find her and he was hoping to get a chance to talk to her. He's been going on about it all day and I'm worried about him and I think they need to talk or he's going to go crazy and-"

"He doesn't get to speak to her anymore," Marlene's voice cuts James off from behind Lily "He can talk to Harriet," She spits out, tugging Lily away with her.

I lived like an island, punished you with silence Went off like sirens, just crying Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

"I'll come with you," Remus offers, hand clasped over Sirius' shoulder

"It's fine. I'll meet you all back in like 10 minutes," Sirius protests, the others were heading to Zonko's but he, almost out of habit, had decided to pop to Honeydukes and pick up a box of chocolates for her, as he did every week, intending to leave it by her door.

"I'm out of chocolate frogs anyway," Remus announces, walking in the direction of Honeydukes before Sirius can protest

"I know you think I should talk about it but I can't," Sirius announces

"Okay, but you shouldn't be on your own all the time," Remus shrugs, "I'll do the talking," He decides, beginning a long rant about his Potions essay and Sirius feels a sense of calm, the moment so normal despite his life feeling so abnormal without her. He's thankful for the serenity, no pitiful look from James that came from the best place but he loathed. No comment from Peter that was supposed to cheer him up but instead was massively insensitive and the poor boy didn't even realise what he was saying.

It felt normal until it didn't.

Upon rounding the corner his new reality hit him like a fucking truck. Sat on a bench, wrapped tightly in coats and the scarf James' mum had knitted her for Christmas. Small smile on her face and hot chocolate in her hand and him.

Alexander.

He's smiling at her, a wide smile as he tugs his beanie onto her head, saying something that makes her laugh and blush a little. He's so close to her, too close to her and Sirius wants to scream.

He's aware Remus has fallen silent next to him, a shocked look on his friends face.

Sirius wants to storm over there and cause a scene.

Sirius wants to rip Alexander away from her.

Sirius wants to go back in time to that stupid argument and kiss her the second she comes after her, kiss her like she's the only damn thing on earth that mattered because fucking hell she was and now he would never get her again.

Sirius wants her happy though. So he turns on his heel, marching back up to the castle aware of Remus following him but not slowing down, he's blinking quickly, just wanting to get back to his dorm before the tears start.

Hey, it's all me, in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant I'm sorry that I hurt you

"I can't believe her," James spits out, a filthy glare directed at the girl who's currently sat with a spaced out look her face a few groups down the long table, head resting on Marlene's shoulder.

"Drop it Prongs," Sirius mutters

"No. She's acting like a bitch. I mean Alexander of all people. She didn't even tell you, she just let you fucking see them all over each other,"

"I don't want to talk about this,"

"I do. You told her you were going to wait for her and then she goes and does this. That's disgusting. She owes it to you to at least tell you. Well whatever, you're better off," James bitches, Sirius feels again, the overwhelming urge to scream.

Was her hurt? Of course. But he needed James to just shut up. Because she should be happy wether it's him or not. This was his fault and he didn't hate her for moving on even if he so badly wanted to.

"I'll see you in class," Sirius mutters, standing from the table and striding away before any of them have the chance to stop him.

"James, he said drop it. What are you playing at?" Peter questions

"You lot might think she's some fucking saint but she hurt him and someone needs to fucking say it," James scoffs, storming away from the boys.

Remus groans when he sees him stop in front of the group of girls. Peter letting out a sigh but the pair don't try and stop it. This is going to happen wether they want it to or not. Wether Sirius wants it to or not.

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you I need to say, hey It's all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow

"I thought you loved him," The words shock her, of course she loved Sirius, she knew that James knew that. So why were they standing in the room of requirement having this conversation and why was he so mad.

"I do. Of course I love him,"

"So why would you get with Alexander?" James spits the question out, arms crossed in front of him and a tense jaw. He rolls his eyes when the only thing on her face is a look of confusion. "Drop the act. He saw you, so did Remus,"

"James, I don't know what you're talking about but if you're just gonna yell at me I'm leaving,"

"Don't fucking lie to me! He's my best friend, my brother. He deserves an explanation and he's not gonna ask for it. So I will, because he needs it. Of every guy on earth, Alexander? That felt okay to you. And christ it hasn't even been a month," He's shouting, and if he knew he'd feel awful.

"I'm not dating Alexander," She yells right back

"They saw you!"

"I truly don't know what you are talking about,"

"In Hogsmeade the other day on a date," James states

"I wasn't on a date. I was with Lils,"

"No you were wearing his hat on a bench outside Honeydukes,"

"I was sat alone on a bench outside Honeydukes. I didn't want to go in because me and Sirius went there on our first date and the smell made me want to cry because I miss him more than anything. Lily needed to get some stuff so I waited for her outside, Alexander who I haven't spoke to since the fight, came over to see how I was because his name has been dragged into all this and he was concerned. He gave me his hat because I was shivering because I was freezing cold,"

"oh,"

"Yeah. Oh," She scoffs a little, turning to walk out of the room

"You really miss him that much?"

"James I am in love with Sirius. I want him back and I was wrong. About so much. We might be from different worlds but he's right I am meant to be with him and I cry myself to sleep every night and I can't stop looking at him even though it makes me feel like my heart is just shattering over and over again. But he's moved on and so-"

"What?"

"Harriet," She shrugs, slipping out of the door before James can question what on earth she's talking about.

Tell me that you're still mine Tell me that we'll be just fine Even when I lose my mind

The knock at her dormitory door is incessant. She wants to scream. All she wants is a moment alone. Without her friends who were hovering around to make sure she doesn't break like they don't realise she's already broken.

Sirius wouldn't be surprised if he's bruised his knuckled at the rate he's knocking on the door. James showed up to class 5 minutes late and through whispers admitted that he'd confronted her, explaining the miscommunication and wondering aloud what on earth she could mean about Harriet.

Sirius had left the classroom in a run, knowing the other would make some excuse as to why he was running out halfway through class without so much as word. He'd sprinted to her dorm and now here he was banging on the door, so close and yet so far away from everything he wanted.

"Harriet?" The word leaves his mouth the second she pulls the door open and he's shoving his way into her room.

"What do you want? James had already screamed at me enough for-"

"Wait, he did what?" Sirius feels a burst of anger that his own bestfriend would ever treat her like that.

"It's fine," She sighs "I'm sorry there was clearly some misunderstanding about Alexander but I can't fight with you right now," Dropping to sit on her bed.

"I'm not here to fight with you," Sirius protests, sitting next to her and grabbing her chin forcing her to look at him "I just need to know what you think is going on, because I have no clue what Harriet has to do with any of this,"

"At the party the other day. You slept with her. Stung like a bitch by the way,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Please don't lie to me right now,"

"I'm not," His hands drop from her face to be held up in surrender "I'm confused, who told you I slept with- wait what Harriet are we even talking about?"

"Harriet Underwood," She grumbles, confused as Sirius pauses, visibly racking his brain as to who this girl could possibly be

"The Ravenclaw who dropped a quaffle on James two years ago and broke his toe?"

"Yes, the one you slept with,"

"I think I've spoke to the girl twice in my entire life darling and I definitely haven't slept with her. Haven't slept with anyone since you,"

"You haven't?"

"Told you I was gonna wait for you, didn't I?" He smiles gently

"Well, yeah- but she- her friends were talking about it the other day in class and-"

"How'd you hear?"

"They sit behind me,"

"Bloody hell, they were clearly just trying to upset you,"

"She is obsessed with you,"

"Really? I barely know her," He furrows his brows as he talks.

"So no Harriet?"

"No anyone," He assures her, pressing a kiss to her cheek "I'm still waiting darling,"

I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault Tell me that I'm all you want Even when I break your heart

He's left her dorm before she has chance to say anything else. Her mind is racing.

He hurt her, but he was right. They are meant to be together. He hadn't meant to hurt her, she knew that. He was mad and he doesn't think when he's mad and she knew that too.

And she missed him.

She's running the second she makes the choice, although she doesn't even think she's made a choice. It's involuntary, her need to be with Sirius Black. Like magnets. Like fate.

"Wait!" He hadn't got far, is by the door into the common room when she emerges from the stairs.

"I'm going to end up with you Sirius, you're right. We are meant to be together,"

"Okay," He speaks quietly, he thinks he knows what's happening but when it comes to her his head often got so far ahead of him.

"I want to fall asleep every night next to you and I want to wake up and you be holding me. I want to get to kiss you anytime I like. I want to hold your hand pretty much all day and I want to get to make you laugh. I want you to read to me when I can't sleep. I want to be the only person who's allowed to touch your hair. I want to hear every single thought you have. I want to make you happy every day until I die. I want what I had. I want you, every bit of you. Cause you are made for me and I don't care anymore. I don't care that you take very low blows when you are mad at the worlds. I don't care that we are from different worlds. I don't want to not spend every second knowing that you are mine. And I want to be yours, until the end, I am yours and I need you to know that and-"

She's cut off, his lips crashing into hers and it's like they can breathe.

His hands are holding her to him, tight and firm and almost like he's scared to ever stop kissing her again in case she takes it all back.

Her's curl into his hair because christ if every day she hand't wanted to run her hands back through his hair.

They kiss like the past 17 days they couldn't breathe and suddenly they have oxygen all over again. They kiss like the worlds has stopped and it's just them. They kiss like they are meant to be.

"I'm so far past in love with you," He's whispering and breathless and he's so close his mouth leaves a trail against her skin as he says it.

I need to say, hey It's all me in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant Sorry that I hurt you

"I'm still mad at you," Sirius informs, she's perched on his lap and he's beaming, his arms holding her close to him, her back pressed to his chest, his head on her shoulder and her's leaning gently on his. Finger's intertwined as they wrap around her, her own playing with them gently.

"Hey, it's thanks to me you guys talked your shit out and realised you both just wanted to be back together," James defends himself

"I'm not mad," She shrugs

"I am. You don't scream at peoplem I'm gonna tell your mum. She'll be very disappointed in you," Sirius lectures

"No need to thank me Sirius, it was no problem helping you get your girlfriend back,"

"I'd have done it myself eventually," Sirius argues

"In like a million years," James accuses

"At least 6 months," The girl agrees

"Come off it, you wouldn't have lasted another two weeks," Remus disagrees "You moped everyday about how much you missed that sorry idiot,"

"Wait you guys talked?" Peter questions

"Yeah and you didn't tell me she wanted me back?" Sirius accuses

"Didn't scream at her," Remus reminds, hands in the air in surrender and letting otu a dramatic sigh of relief when Sirius' glare is pointed back to James.

"I'm glad it happened. It was the catalyst to us getting back together,"

"See I'm basically Cupid,"

"Okay don't over credit yourself," She laughs, everything feeling okay again. Better than okay. She had Sirius and that's what mattered no fight would ever be worth losing him.

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you I need to say, hey It's all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow

MASTERLIST

#young!sirius black x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black x gryffindor!reader #marauders #sirius black #marauders x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter masterlist

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

Voodoo doll - Draco Malfoy

I don't even like you Why'd you want to go and make me feel this way? I don't understand what's happened I keep saying things I never say

Draco Malfoy despised her. He despised everything she was. He despised mudbloods. He despised Gryffindor's. He despised Harry Potter and his stupid friends.

And yet, Draco Malfoy finds it hard to pull his eyes away, finds it hard to focus on anything other than the way she bites her bottom lip to keep from laughing at something Ron Weasley is muttering to her.

Draco despised Ron. He despises his family. He despises his loud laugh and the way when he glances at her from across the hall he sees Ron chewing with his mouth open. He despises, more than anything else, that Ron seems to always make her laugh. Since first year she had surrounded herself in Weasley's and she seemed to think they were the funniest people walking the earth and Draco despised it.

He also despised the pit of jealousy in his stomach at the way she leans closer to whisper something back to the ginger boy who is smirking wildly. Draco watches as the worst of their little group, Harry, laughs at whatever it is she whispered from his seat next to Ron, styling it into a cough when Professor Flitwick shoots him a disgruntled look. Draco watches as her best friend, a mudblood Draco had no weird and confusing feelings towards, rolls her eyes at her friends laughter.

He continues to watch despite Pansy pawing at him for attention, as she lets out a yawn, stretching a little in her chair and allowing her head to drop to Ron's shoulder. He watches as Harry reaches across and ruffles her hair to which she swiftly leans over Ron, Draco tries to not think about the view this gives Ron, to flick Harry's nose, the entire interaction going unnoticed by the charms professor.

Almost as if she can feel eyes on her, she leans forward a little in her seat, glancing over her shoulder and smirking when she sees the pair of grey eyes staring right back at her.

Their relationship could only be described as confusing.

In first year Draco mercilessly bullied her, although she never seemed to care all that much, content in her little trio that Hermione soon joined, and spending very little time thinking about the boy, although, that would change soon enough. She argued back of course, a strong minded young girl, but it never seemed to get under her skin.

In second year they ignored each other, dirty glares and muttered remarks but Draco backed off her for the most part, he did it because he hated the feeling in his stomach, the way it flipped in excitement when she walked into a room. Without his rude remarks to fight back against she lived blissfully without the boy.

Third year was the worst for everyone else around them. Puberty well and truly hit and she returned to school with boobs, something Draco greatly enjoyed. In turn she developed a weird crush on him, he was taller and his hair was longer and he walked with an undeniably attractive confidence. Neither of them wanted to admit to fancying the other, after all they hated everything about each other, so rather than confronting their own feelings they would fight. They would scream at each other, pick insults that were way too low and yet they both looked forward the the arguments just to be in such close proximity to the other.

In fourth year, at Fred Weasley's suggestion, rather than insulting Draco she would flirt with him constantly. It got under his skin more than any insult, although she didn't realise the reason it did was that it made his heart practically glow. He hated her and she hated him and yet they seemed to always be talking and flirting, yes it often ended in passionate rows but they were some how addicted to each other. Draco lived for the minutes she would bat her eyes lashes at him and smirk widely and for a second he almost let himself feel, almost let himself bask in the emotions, almost let himself ask her to the ball and let go of what everyone would think and say. Until he saw her kissing Dean Thomas in Hogsmeade.

And now, in fifth year, it was a weird combination of it all. They were hot and cold, on and off. One day they'd be flirting, the next ignoring each other, the next screaming at each other in the courtyard. Both feeling so much towards each other and not wanting to process what that meant. No one knew what to expect from them, they didn't even really know what to expect from each other.

But as her eyes fall on Draco she smirks, sending him a wink before turning back to the front of the classroom.

Draco despised how much he looked forward to the flirting days. He also despises the fluttering of his heart at the fact today seems to be just that.

I can feel you watching even when you're nowhere to be seen I can feel you touching even when you're far away from me

Draco can't help the smirk on his face when he sees her, she's standing in the corridor that leads to the Slytherin common room, a warm glow illuminating her distant figure from the candles lighting the dungeons.

"Lost, darling?" he drawls, his smirk widening when she turns at the sound of his voice

"You wish I was your darling," She taunts

"It's in my dreams every night," He speaks dramatically, glad she doesn't quite seem to pick up on the element of truth behind it.

"Well for that I can't say I'm surprised," She grins, the gap between them has closed and she stands now only a small distance from him. A distance so close he could extend his arm, wrap it around her waist and pull her flush against him. He forces himself to drop that thought. "What're you doing out so late Malfoy?" She questions, smirk ever present on her face.

"I could ask you the same thing," He comments, eyes scanning her, greedily taking in her body. He would tattoo the image to his mind if he could.

"I asked first,"

"Prefect's rounds," He shrugs, she smirks even wider

"Well of course the uptight self proclaimed Slytherin prince is on his prefect rounds,"

"I live to serve my house," He mocks, enjoying the small giggle that she treats him too, enjoying the fact it was him making her laugh and not a stupid Weasley. "So, why are you out so late and wondering so far from your tower? Anyone would think you were looking for someone," He smirks expectantly

"That would be my secret Slytherin boyfriend," She chimes, for a second his heart stings until he notices the mischievous glint in her eyes.

"And here I was thinking that I was your favourite Slytherin," He speaks slowly, a low tone that makes her knees weak

"Whatever gave you the impression you were my favourite anything?" She questions

"We both know you have a soft spot for me darling, no need to deny it,"

"Draco Malfoy, I utterly and truly hate you,"

"Same to you," His tone is sharper than before, his heart hurting in his chest, until she shoots him a small smile. "You still haven't told me why you're out of bed. I should punish you," His tone is low again and she can't convince herself he doesn't know what he's doing.

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you Malfoy?" She chimes, he gulps a little, but remains cool.

She reaches up, pushing her weight onto her tippy toes, face so close he could feel her breath on his skin readjusting the silver and green prefects badge pinned to his front, straightening it before drawing away. "I should get going, Harry'll have a fit if I'm late," She comments, Draco wonders what she could possibly be doing that involved Harry so late and in the dungeons, he questioned why they wouldn't have walked together. He seethes at the idea of her leaving his company to go to Harry's.

She turns and walks away, leaving Draco staring after her. She turns back once she reaches the end of the corridor. "Dream of me Malfoy," She calls, her voice light, before she turns around the corner and disappears from his sight.

Draco had no doubt that he would do just that and he absolutely hates it.

Tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doll 'cause I can't control myself I don't wanna stay, I wanna run away but I'm trapped under your spell

Draco isn't sure why he can't wipe the thought of her out of his head, he just knows he doesn't like it.

He doesn't like that he finds his eyes scanning every room he enters in case she's there. He doesn't like that his breath catches in his throat when she smiles at him from across the room. He doesn't like that his friends seemed to have picked up on the entire situation.

"Who would of thought a mudblood would be the one to turn Malfoy soft," Blaise smirks widely as they sit in the library

"You don't know what you're talking about Zabini," Draco snaps, his eyes give him away though. They're trained on the girl three tables down.

She's resting her head in her hands, looking mildly exasperated as Fred and Ron argue in front of her. Each boy earning dirty looks from the librarian due to their loud volume, she smirks a little at something Fred says that seems to anger Ron even more and Draco's stomach flips at the sight, she yawns, stretching in her seat a little and it's then that Draco notices how tired she seems.

Sensing eyes on her she looks away from the boys, eyes quickly falling on Draco, she surprises him a little when instead of sending him a cold glare or dramatic wink she's seemingly a little more honest than usual, sending him a small smile.

His heart feels like it's being squeezed, he's struggling to find air in his lungs and he hates the feeling, he hates that it's her that caused it, he hates that he wants to feel it over and over again.

He vows in that moment to stop. Stop letting himself fall for her.

He doesn't return her smile, instead fixing her his usual cold glare, before turning to Blaise "Never let me go soft for her again," He mutters, Blaise chuckles under his breath

"You're already soft Malfoy," Theo comments

"Shut up. I don't and won't have feelings for a dirty fucking mudblood," Draco scoffs, turning back to his book with a new found bitterness in his chest.

And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest And I'm having trouble catching my breath Won't you please stop loving me to death?

He doesn't so much as spare her a glance for the next week. No matter how badly his heart longs for him to turn his head at the sound of her voice, no matter how much he wants to kiss her when he sees her laughing in Hogsmeade, no matter how much he wants to tell her to shut up and stop asking for trouble when she talks back at Professor Umbridge.

As much as she denies Hermione's constant pestering about her crush on the Slytherin boy she had come around as of late to admit it to herself. That's why it infuriates her so much. How dare he choose to just suddenly act as if she doesn't even exist.

"Look, it's your boyfriend," George comments, shoving into her side a little as she walks between the twins on her way down to the Hufflepuff V Ravenclaw quidditch game.

"I'll meet you down there," She announces, storming away from the twins with a determined rage in her heart

Draco is leaning against a wall outside a class room that lays empty due to it being a Saturday. The minute he feels a hand wrap around his wrist he moves to tell whoever it is to fuck off, but his heart warms at the sight of her as she pulls him into the class room, slamming the door behind them.

He reminds himself of his resolve to ignore her and despite desperately wanting to kiss her, he attempts to move out of the room.

"Don't even think about it Malfoy," She spits out, arms crossing over her chest

"What the fuck do you want?"

"To know why you suddenly seem to have forgotten I exist!" She demands, voice growing louder with her anger.

"I need to go and meet Pansy," He states, tone as cold as ice

"We both know you fucking hate pugface,"

"I haven't forgotten you exist. You have forgotten your place," He informs, his voice dangerously haughty and she can just tell whatever he says next is going to piss her off

"Well why don't you do the honour of reminding me?" She demands

"You're a dirty mudblood who's associated with blood traitor's and wizarding embarrassments alike. So clearly your place is below mine," He reels off

"No, that is incorrect. You are a self centred, self loathing, pretentious arse with raging daddy issues and given we are both human beings we are on the same fucking level! Don't you ever think you are superior to me!"

"You don't deserve a second of my time!" He argues back, voice raising out of anger. The anger is clearly more at himself, because it's true, he was raised believing people like her didn't deserve a second thought and yet she was all he could think about.

"Then why are you so infatuated by me? Why do you care so much about trying to hurt me! If I'm nothing to you why do-"

His lips slam against hers. Cutting her off as his hands push her backwards against the wall behind her. He kisses hard and fast and groans when she returns it, her hands going to his hair that she'd want to run her finger through for as long as she could remember.

"What the fuck was that?" She demands, the second Draco pulls away, he groans loudly

"What the fuck do you think you idiot?"

"A kiss," She mumbles quietly and god does it make Draco's heart skip a beat

"Obviously," He snaps, suddenly feeling insecure because christ what if she had never wanted this and what if it hand't been everything she'd been dreaming of and what if he misread everything and she really did just hate him and now he-

"Do it again," Her demand silences the voices in his head and his lips are back on hers in a heart beat.

I don't even see my friends no more 'Cause I keep hanging out with you I don't know how you kept me up all night Or how I got this tattoo

Draco lives for the moments he makes her laugh. Eveything else melts away and it's just her, pressed against his chest in whatever broom cupboard he's tugged her into, giggling as he smiles widely, shushing her a little when her laugh rings louder, not wanting to ruin their secret rendezvous.

"You look really beautiful," He smiles gently, it's late at night and Draco had dropped a note on her Potions desk that morning asking her to meet him in the astronomy tower that night.

She'd shown up with a giddy grin and a bag full of snacks. He'd been waiting, wrapped in a blanket that he was quick to offer her half of. She'd accepted with a smile and her heart beat a little too fast when his scent wrapped around her shoulder.

"So do you Malfoy,"

"Think we are past the surnames thing now darling," He grins

"Took our time getting here," She comments, moving her head to rest it on Draco's shoulder

"Well, I blame that on your bad taste in friends," He teases, a playful smirk on his face as she rolls her eyes

"I'd put it on your blood and house supremacy," She shrugs making him laugh

"It probably was mostly that," He admits, she hadn't meant anything by it and truly didn't hold anything against Draco

"Hey, it's in the past," She smiles, he nods, glancing down at her as she grins back up. He can't help himself from pressing his lips down to hers.

I can feel you watching even when you're nowhere to be seen I can feel you touching even when you're far away from me

"So are you guys dating?" Hermione whispers, it was very unlike her to be talking during class but she was clearly much more interested in her friends sneaking around then whatever Professor Binns is clamouring on about at the front of the room.

"No, I've told you a million times 'Mione, it's casual," She speaks, ignoring the way Hermione rolls her eyes.

Casual.

It was a word that she couldn't get out of her head.

She'd questioned Draco on what they were actually doing one day when he'd snuck her into his prefect dorm. He had blanched for a second, stammering over his words, announcing something about secrets and casual flings and she'd figured it best not to push it any further. She'd rather have that than nothing.

Draco Malfoy was utterly addictive and the thought of loosing his presence didn't sit right so she would take what she could get.

Draco on the other hand was furious.

He hadn't expected her to question what they were, kind of assuming she would naturally know that he had liked her forever and as much as he wasn't ready for the backlash of publicly dating. He had been hers for years and he'd kind of hoped she felt the same.

That's why he had frozen. Been so surprised by the question that he'd lied. Trying to sound cool and act like he didn't spend his every waking moment thinking about her.

"That's so ridiculous. You clearly care for him," Hermione protests, both girls are now staring at the back of Draco's head a few rows in front of them

"I'm not denying that," She reminds

"So tell him that you don't want to be casual,"

"It was his choice Hermione, not mine, alright?" She snaps. Hermione sighs but drops the subject turning back to the chalk board at the front of the class, sensing her best friend doesn't want to continue with this conversation.

Tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doll 'cause I can't control myself

I don't wanna stay, I wanna run away but I'm trapped under your spell

She smiles when he enters the empty class room, it's late on a Friday night and most students were in their common rooms or dorms relaxing with their friends meaning the couple had enough freedom to meet up without it being the middle of the night.

"Hi there," She grins, pushing herself off the desk she had been perched on

"Fancy seeing you here," He smirks, she rolls her eyes as he arrives in front of her, his lips finding hers and kissing gently before he pulls away, chuckling when her lips chase after his.

"Good day?" He questions, hand reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear

"Alright, Umbridge is a right cow though,"

"Theo mentioned she gave you detention,"

"Yeah cause I was standing too close to Nev apparently," She shrugs, Draco smiles gently, he knew how much she hated the woman and based on how bias she was felt lucky he'd fallen on her good side "How was your day?" She asks

"Alright, Daphne and Theo broke up yet again so that's been all anyone's been talking about all day,"

"Those two are more off and on than a fucking tap," She comments he laughs a little

"They live for the drama," He shrugs, it's when he goes to grab her hand he notices it, the way she winces slightly "You okay?"

"Fine," She nods

"Why did you wince when I grabbed your hand then?" He demands, he doesn't mean to sound quite so harsh and almost angry but he hates that she isn't opening up to her, in honesty he truly just cares and wants to make sure she's okay, but isn't really sure how to go about it.

"I hurt it playing quidditch,"

"You haven't had practice in a week because Angelina's been in the hospital wing," Draco presses

"It's nothing. Just drop it," She snaps but Draco is fiercely protective over the people he cares about and he would be damned if he didn't find out what's going on.

He grabs for her wrist, pulling it closer and he's seen it before she can pull her arm away.

"Who did this?" He demands, the red scarring on her hand faded a little from the lotion George had given her but still a little inflamed

"It doesn't matter,"

"I swear if it was Potter-"

"Are you a fucking idiot?" She demands, snatching her hand away from Draco "Of course it wasn't one of my best friends!"

"Then who?" Draco is practically shouting and wondering how just seconds ago they'd been perfectly fine

"Umbridge," The girl mutters

"She's a teacher! She wouldn't-"

"Oh my god! Draco pull your head out of your arse long enough to realise the world around you isn't fucking perfect! Everything is falling apart and we are on opposite sides and so yes the people who treat you well probably don't do the same to me!" She's shouting now and despite his anger he's starting to realise he may have been wrong, his stubbornness refuses to let him admit that though.

"I'm not an idiot! I know that! but I don't believe that a ministry official and teacher is using illegal physical punishments!" Draco argues, sticking to his argument simply because he won't be the first to back down.

She doesn't even bother to respond instead turning on her heels and marching towards the door

"Wait!" He demands, she stops but doesn't turn around "At least let me help you fix it and we can talk about this,"

"It's none of your concern," She spits out, turning only to glare at him

"And why is that?"

"You aren't my boyfriend Malfoy," She sneers before leaving the room.

And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest And I'm having trouble catching my breath Won't you please stop loving me to death?

Realistically Draco knew she was right. He had been the one who said casual and so yes, he wasn't her boyfriend even if he wishes he was.

So, with this in mind, as he sits in the great hall he wonders why he feels like he's going through a break up.

His chin rests in his hand and a large pout on his face, he sits amongst his friends but doesn't join in the conversation, if they try to include him the only response they receive is icy cold glares and so they leave him to his moping. When he's not glaring at his friends he's staring at her.

She seems fine, although she isn't and it's all one giant and stubborn act. Draco doesn't know this though and it makes him even more mad, had he really been falling for someone who cared so little for him?

She's sat next to Harry, chatting excitedly with Hermione from across the table, Ron is on her other side, talking despite his mouth full of chicken and Draco ignores the feeling of disgust at the sight, deciding looking at her is worth it. Ginny and Neville are on either side of Hermione, seemingly also excited by whatever the group are discussing.

He watches as she smirks, eyebrows wiggling at Ginny as she says something that makes the group laugh, Ginny rolls her eyes and flicks a forkful of peas at the girl before laughing along.

He'd tried a few times over the last week, since he'd so badly ruined what they had going on with his own stubborn ignorance, every time she would ignore him.

If he approached her she would turn and walk in the other direction. She always seemed to have one of her friends by her side, glowering at him when he attempted to talk to her. He would pass her notes and watch as she never even bothered to read them.

It hurt, he wasn't ready to admit it allowed but it did. He resented her stubbornness and his own alongside it for getting them in this position in the first place.

When he finally catches her eye from across the hall, he is pleasantly surprised when she doesn't immediately turn away. He smiles, a small smile that an onlooker wouldn't even notice. She still stares emotionless, almost like she's waiting and he feels that now is his chance, mouth an apology, motion with his head to follow him and get up and leave. All of these would be better plans than just staring right back but that's what he does.

She rolls her eyes, admittedly beginning to feel bad and like maybe she's over reacting but not prepared to back down, before turning back to her friends.

Every time you're near me suddenly my heart begins to race Every time I leave I don't know why my heart begins to break

Draco hated that for whatever stupid reason she was still friends with her ex-boyfriend. He'd always hated it, but now, staring at her from across the library he hated it.

She was a few tables away, feet tucked under her and a wide smile on her face. Dean was next to her, laughing at whatever she's saying as he flicks through the open text book in front of him.

"Just go and say something," Theo groans, thoroughly sick of his friend moping and complaining

"I'm not her boyfriend," Draco mutters, sighing a little

"Yeah no shit. You're not her boyfriend cause you've been stupid and tried to act like you hate her and then you've been stupid and unable to admit to your own emotions but just walk over there and tell her how you feel and hey presto, you're her fucking boyfriend and we can all stop having to listen to your complaining," Theo rambles

"Don't call me stupid or I'll end you Knott,"

"You have been stupid," Blaise mutters, not bothering to look up from his essay

"Oh you can fuck off and all," Draco snaps, eyes still glued to her and her fellow Gryffindor.

Draco watches as Dean leans across the table, hand cupping her cheek as his thumb swipes across her cheek bone. His entire body feels like it's on fire as she does nothing to stop him, smiling at whatever he says before he pulls his hand away, she leans forward and blows on his thumb and god if Draco doesn't hate the intimacy.

"Okay that's it, I'm going over there," Draco shoves his chair aside as he stands, marching across the hall.

"I need to speak to you," he demands

"Uh, why?" Dean questions, looking at the boy in confusion

"Not you fucking idiot. Why would I want to speak to you?" Draco snaps, arms crossing over his chest

"What do you want Draco?" She snaps, he feels a little relief at her calling him Draco, maybe he hadn't fucked this up as much as he'd thought.

"To talk to you,"

"You are talking to me,"

"Alone,"

"I'm busy," She sighs, turning back to her work

"Not too busy for me," Draco decides, he's expecting her to argue but she rolls her eyes, tells Dean she'll be right back, and marches out of the library knowing he'll follow.

Tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doll 'cause I can't control myself

I don't wanna stay, I wanna run away but I'm trapped under your spell

"So you're dating him again?" Draco interrogates the second they're in an empty, relatively small broom cupboard.

"No I'm not," She returns, pulling the string to turn the light on, a yellowish glow entering the room and wavering a little.

"So, why are you with him?"

"We are friends and we are studying together. I don't assume you're dating Blaise and Theo because you were studying with them do I?"

"Well, they weren't stroking my face,"

"I had an eyelash on my cheek so he got rid of it for me because I kept not getting it," She explains, letting out an exasperated sigh.

Draco feels like an idiot.

"Even if I were dating him it would have nothing to do with you," She adds

"We both know that's not true," He snaps

"You were the one who said you wanted casual and then tried to act like you owned me!"

"I was concerned about you!"

"You accused me of lying when I was honest with you!"

"Well you had just lied to my face and blamed it on quidditch!"

"It's none of you business what happens to me and wethe-"

Once again, Draco cuts her off by slamming his lips against her own. Pushing her against the wall behind her as he kisses her. Hard and fast and god his hands are every where and she can feel her anger melting away as she pulls him impossibly closer by his shirt.

"You should stop kissing me when I'm trying to argue with you," She lets out as he pulls away, breathless as he keeps her caged between his body and the wall

"It's the best way to get you to shut up," He smirks, looking her up and down, eyes full of lust and longing and crap maybe even a little love but she's no where near ready to think about that yet. "For the record it is my business what happens to you,"

"And why is that?"

"I'm your boyfriend now," He announces, pressing one last hot kiss to her lips before pulling away and exiting the cupboard leaving her breathless and flushed, heart melting in her chest.

And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest And I'm having trouble catching my breath Won't you please stop loving me to death?

MASTERLIST

#Draco Malfoy #draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #Draco #draco fanfiction #draco fluff #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter masterlist #Harry Potter

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lottiebagley · 3 years

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It’s up now if anyone fancies giving it a read!! xx

Snow covered courtyards

If you can, write about Oliver Woodd, when he see y/n at the yule ball (his date for the ball obv) in the dress. Describe the scene and the dance pleasee, I love it so much! And can you make y/n a bit shy and him too, but so romantic? After all this y/n and Oliver had the first kiss. Thank you <3

I’m writing this right now and I can’t decide if I like it (the prompt is adorable I just don’t think I’m doing it justice) Hoping to get it out either tonight or tomorrow, if anyone else has any requests feel free to send them to me xx

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

Snow covered courtyards- Oliver Wood

When he'd asked her to the ball he'd been certain she would say no. They'd been friends for a while but never particularly close, simply in the same year and house and therefore knew each other through mutual friends.

He'd always thought she was kind of unattainable, she seemed to always look perfect, she was smart and funny and kind and top of her classes. He never knew why but she always avoided Oliver a little, he spent nights laid in bed listening to Percy's snoring and racking his brains for any reason she might avoid him, an insult from years ago, a history between him and one of her friends but nothing quite came to mind.

It wasn't until a few weeks before the ball that he realised that maybe the reason she avoided him was because she wasn't quite as unattainable as he'd thought. He'd laughed at first when his best friend shrugged that she probably just had a crush on him, mouthful of cereal and a slightly bemused look on his face.

After that conversation he slowly allowed his brain to convince himself she just might like him back. After all why else would she blush when he catches her eye? why would she go to every quidditch game no matter how awful the weather? why would she giggle a little with her friends when he passes?

And so, Oliver Wood let a little spark of hope light in his heart and he began to plan how he would ask her to the ball.

He thought about asking her after they won a quidditch match when he was high on adrenaline but he didn't like the idea of being muddy and sweaty and with the fucking Weasley twins, their relentless teasing playing in his mind before it even happened.

Next he thought about making some production out of it in the great hall like he'd seen a few other people do, but he knew she'd hate being the centre of the entire school's attention.

He contemplated asking her at a party, figuring some liquid courage might make the prospect of asking his dream girl on a date a little easier, but didn't want her to think it was some drunk decision.

He settled on approaching her with a bouquet of flowers and just asking it, after all, he knew he was a good looking guy and most people found him charming if not a little intense. What he didn't think about though was that most people didn't make his heart beat too fast, his hands go clammy, and his words come out a stuttering mess.

Oliver announced to his friends one morning that today was the day he'd ask her out, they'd grinned widely, given him a pep talk, mocked him a little for his nerves and sent him on his way and Oliver had every intention to ask her out.

It was then that Oliver learnt the age old lesson.

Girls travel in packs.

No matter how hard he tried she was surrounded. Between classes, at meals, in the common room, christ even on her way to the bathroom. Whenever he saw her she'd have a gaggle of girls with her all of which would eye him with curiosity and smirks when he attempted to approach.

It took Oliver a further three days of attempting to catch her alone, his friends seeming to find the entire situation funnier by the hour, before it had happened. He'd caught a glimpse of her with Cedric.

Oliver Wood hated Cedric Diggory, hated that he was so often compared to him, hated that he had swoopy hair that made girls swoon, hated that he too was a good quidditch player. His newest reason though to despise the boy who showed him nothing but kindness was that he didn't clam up around her. He talked to her with ease and made her laugh.

If he'd done a little digging, Oliver would have easily found Cedric was a family friend and she viewed him like a brother. Through exasperated mutual friends sick of both their pining he'd have probably also learnt she had a massive crush on Oliver and had turned down multiple boys in the hopes Oliver would ask her to the ball.

He didn't dig though. Instead he scowled in the direction of Cedric and her, they were laughing by the quidditch pitch as the Hufflepuff practice ended and the Gryffindor's arrived for their own. She had been on her way to the greenhouses to grab a book she'd accidentally left there when Cedric had jogged over, unknown to Oliver actually asking if the Gryffindor had plucked up the nerve to ask her out. She had brushed her friend off, thinking it would be a miracle for Oliver Wood to fancy her back.

"Hurry up Wood, she's a good one, she'll get swept up all too soon," Fred smirks as he passes Oliver on his way into the changing rooms.

And with Fred's words in his mind Oliver grabs the bouquet of flowers from the office and marches towards her, Cedric spotting him coming and quickly taking his leave.

"Hi," He calls, cursing himself for not thinking to say her name when she doesn't even turn around, not used to him approaching her, "Hi-Y/N,"

She turns then, still clad in her uniform, hair blowing in the light wind and a small smile on her face.

"Oliver-uh-hey," She blushes a little as she falls over her words

"You're a really hard girl to get on her own," He comments. Fucking christ why does he sound like a stalker? The question spins in his mind but she seems to not think anything of the comment, instead blushing a little

"Oh- my friends and I are kinda inseperable," She shrugs lightly, not wanting an awkward silence so instead opting to ramble "They only aren't here now cause they are busy. Meg's at detention, Ali's with her boyfriend and Katie's tutoring some second year in potions. I'd have waited for one of them to be with me because honestly I kind of hate walking alone- not cause I'm weird or un-independent or any thing, I just, well I get a little anxious and feel like people are staring at me and-" She silences herself, suddenly coming to her senses and realising how crazy she's making herself sound. "Sorry,"

"Don't be. I think it's cute when you ramble," He admits, blushing as red as his quidditch robes when he realises what he's said.

"Did you need something or have I just embarrassed myself over a polite hello?" She questions, he chuckles a little making her feel mildly less uncomfortable.

"I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to the ball?" He questions. He feels a weight off his shoulder's once the question has been asked. Like suddenly even if she says no at least he could tell himself he tried.

"With you?" She questions, she realises she probably sounds more idiotic by the second but can't quite convince herself to believe her long term crush would actually ask her out.

"Uh-yeah," He's taken aback by the question and feels stupid for even thinking she'd consider it and suddenly the even if she says no bullshit is just that, because shit if the girl in front of him with wide eyes and a nervous smile doesn't say yes he thinks his heart might break in his chest.

"Like a date?"

"I was hoping,"

"I'd love that,"

Oliver feels like the luckiest person on earth. Watching as she blushes a little, but her smile is wide and god if he doesn't want to kiss her right there.

"Great,"

"Good,"

"Cool,"

"Yeah,"

Neither of them is quite sure what comes next and the interaction seems to run even more awkward. "You'll pick her up!" Oliver rolls his eyes at the sound of George Weasley, although thankful for the prompt, she blushes, peering behind him to see the entire Gryffindor quidditch team watching them.

"I'll pick you up," He confirms

"Right," She nods

"At 7? Outside your dorm?"

"Sounds good,"

"Okay," He grins brightly, still thinking this entire thing is his mind playing some cruel tricks on him.

"So you should go, your team awaits," She reminds, he nods, partly wanting the interaction over before he can make even more of a fool out of himself or ruin something before it even has a chance to start and partly wanting to live in this moment of pure joy for the rest of his life.

"Right, so I'll uh- see you at the ball- and- uhm- around before obviously," He stutters a little

"Great, I'll see you in both those places," She confirms, realising only after she's spoken how idiotic she sounds.

"The flowers Wood! Christ you're bad at this!" Fred shouts

"Always thought he had game," Harry comments

"We all did kid," George agrees.

"Sorry about them," Oliver apologises

"It's okay," She smiles gently, waiting patiently as he stands staring wondering why her eyes are flickering from him, to his team to his hands and-

"Oh right, these are for you," He confirms, passing the bouquet over and grinning when she blushes a little

"Thanks Oli,"

"Any time," He nods

When she pulls open her dorm door Oliver is certain time stops.

She looks like an angel, her makeup perfect, hair flowing in curls with a small section pinned back as to see her face clearly, Oliver is certain nothing else has ever looked as beautiful. She's dressed in a golden gown that shimmers in the light and makes her look like a princess.

"You- I mean- it- you look beautiful," He stammers over his words and his face goes redder by the second but she smiles at him

"Thank you Oli," She smiles up at him and when their eyes meet both of them feel their hearts hammering in their chests.

"You ready?" He questions, she nods, smiling when he grabs her arm in his and they walk together to the hall.

The hall looks like something out of a fairytale. Seeming to glow an ice white, lined with glittering trees and a glance at the ceiling showing a sky full of stars that gleamed in the air.

"You want to dance?" Oliver questions, eyes falling to the already slightly crowded dance floor, the students dancing to the waltz that plays.

"Think you might loose a foot if we try," She admits, glancing at the girls who swirl around the floor effortlessly and feeling a little self conscious she can't do the same.

"It'd be worth it," He grins, pulling her along with him.

"Hey Oli?"

"Yeah?" He questions as they come to the edge of the dance floor

"These heels are really high. Please don't let me fall,"

"I've got you," He assures, smiling when he notices her physically loosen the panic in her eyes dissipating.

It takes them a few stumbles and a couple of toe treads but eventually they pick up the dance. He watches with a grin as she stares at her feet in focus and with time, and a few glasses of the punch Fred and George spiked, she relaxes, feeling at ease in his arms and becoming more comfortable with the slightly confusing dancing.

Oliver whispers commentary about the ball that makes her laugh and he loves the way she talks with such excitement that he can't help but follow along with every word. He's pretty sure in that moment he could die happy and she's almost certain this is the best night of her life.

As the minutes tick into hours they become more and more comfortable with each other, sure there's still an awkward teenagers with crushes layer to the conversation, but they learn they have a lot in common and find it easy to make small talk that they both actually enjoy.

"Do you wanna go get some air?" She questions at around 11, the dancing has changed from formal waltzing to jumping around to the band who'd been hired for the event and they were both hot and a little sticky from the crowd.

He nods in confirmation and smiles to himself when she immediately takes his hand in hers to pull him along behind her, she seems to have no idea he'd follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked.

She takes him to a small moonlit, snow covered, empty courtyard.

"Anyone would think you wanted to get me alone," He teases lightly, she blushes a little but playfully shoves him

"Maybe I did," She shrugs, he grins cockily "Or maybe it was a little crowded in there and I'm a polite date who didn't want to just abandon you," She isn't quite sure where her newfound confidence around Oliver is coming from

"I'm going to go with the first option," He grins, she laughs a little before shivering at the cold December breeze that wraps around them. He's quick to shrug of his black formal jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders and blushing when she leans up to press a kiss to his cheek in thanks.

"You wanna dance?" She questions, he laughs a little at the idea of leaving a ball to go and dance but nods.

Her arms wrap around his neck as his circle her waist, he hums gently and she smiles a she glances up at him. Oliver Wood looks like a god in the moonlight and she thanks her lucky stars that it's her who got to be in that moment with him.

They dance slowly, eventually pulling each other closer. She laughs when he twirls her under his arm and he grins when her hands begin to brush through the ends of his hair.

"Tell me something," She speaks quietly, his arms pulling her even closer.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Anything about you," She decides, he takes a deep breath, figuring now's probably the best moment he'll ever get to tell her this.

"I've had a crush on you since first year,"

"You have?" She sounds shocked and he can't help but laugh at the idea of her not realising he's practically head over heels for her

"I have," He confirms with a grin

"Why'd you never say anything?" She questions. Her heart feels like it's beating a million miles a minute and she's almost certain he can feel it

"You kinda avoided me," he shrugs

"Yeah I did," She laughs

"Why'd you do that?"

"I was scared to make a fool out of myself," She admits

"Yeah I get that," He nods

"You do? You always seem so- I don't know- at ease,"

"Around everyone but you I kinda am," He shrugs, she blushes a little at that. "You wanna know something else?" He questions.

They're still swaying a little but there's not much movement at their feet, instead the entire thing looks like a loving embrace and she figured to an extent it kind of was.

"Sure,"

"All night I've thinking about if I were to try and kiss you. If you'd kiss back or you'd pull away and laugh in my face and I'd have made a fool of myself," His words leave her breathless and his charming grin only makes it better

"There's only one way to know for sure," She whispers.

His lips crash to hers in the moonlit courtyard, the snow falling around them. It's slow and gentle. Holding years of emotion and there's no need to rush, in that moment they both know they have forever to hold each other this close. It's a little toothy from both their wide grins but as his hands cup her cheeks she's sure nothing has ever been as perfect as this moment and the boy she's sharing it with.

MASTERLIST

#harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter #harry potter masterlist #oliver wood #oliver wood x reader #oliver wood x y/n #oliver wood imagine

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lottiebagley · 3 years

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

pls help

guys i really want to write soemthing but i have legit no fucking clue what to write and i keep starting things but nothing is insipring me. Please lmk if there’s anything you wanna see me write xx

#harry potter fanfiction #Draco Malfoy #cedric diggory #fred weasley #george weasley #oliver wood

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

Till forever falls apart- Fred Weasley

Out on our own Dreamin' in a world that we both know It's out of our control But if shit hits the fan, we're not alone

Fred Weasley lived in his own little world. He had his friends who he eagerly invited in but he was never particularly aware of the world around him. He never needed to look any further than his circle of friends.

She fell in love with Fred Weasley instantly. From the moment she saw him she wanted to be around him. Something about him made her heart beat faster and her mind run miles. She wanted Fred Weasley in every room she entered.

He never really noticed her.

She was the year below him at school and he never needed to know who she was.

His little world didn't include her and so he barely realised she existed.

That was until she arrived at his quidditch practice in floods of tears in the middle of his third year at school.

Fred had watched in shock when Oliver Wood immediately called a break mid-practice, something he never does, and rushes down to the crying second year.

Fred notices as he flies back towards the ground that despite being in tears the girl is beautiful. Something about her so raw and vulnerable. He pushes the thought away because what 13 year old is looking at a 12 year old, he doesn't quite understand the difference between them is a mere 6 months.

"What's got Wood all caring? Hope he's not dating a child the pedo," Fred jokes to his friends who all seem to look at him like he's grown a second head, even Harry, who had only been on the team for four months.

"That's his sister you moron," Angelina Johnson states, rolling her eyes.

Thinking really hard Fred can almost remember knowing that Oliver Wood had a sister, he just never took the time to realise who she was. He watched from afar as Oliver comforts the girl before she settles in the stands and practice resumes.

The entire time Fred feels drawn to her. Glancing towards her every so often and watching as she reads her book, occasionally glancing up at the practice.

When Oliver finally calls time Fred watches as the girl walks down to the pitch, eaves dropping as Oliver tells her to wait for 5 minutes while he changes. Fred sees his opportunity to talk to her, wanting too not just because she's beautiful but because something about her seems to pull him in, he runs to the locker room and grabs his bag before heading out to the pitch where she's standing.

"Hey, I'm Fred," He grins brightly to the girl who blushes just from the way he looks directly into her eyes, looks into them like he can see her very soul.

"I'm y/n, Oli's sister," She introduces herself, he nods

"You alright? You- well-"

"Showed up a sobbing mess?"

"Yeah," He nods, chuckling a little at how direct she is

"I'm fine. I've been arguing with this girl in my dorm a bit recently. I'll be honest she's kind of a bitch,"

"Really? Who is she? I'll prank her for you," Fred offers brightly

"Florrie Watson, but you really don't have to. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble,"

"I have no clue who that is but just you wait, once I find this Florrie Watson she won't know what hit her. And don't even worry about me getting into trouble, I've done it for much less beautiful girls," Fred promises, the girl giggles a little and Fred would do anything to be the cause of that giggle again and again for the rest of his life.

"Thanks Fred," She smiles, he grins back brightly, fishing around in his bag

"Here, have a chocolate frog, they always make me feel better," He offers, she smiles gratefully accepting the frog as Oliver exits the changing room. He strides over, nodding his end in a goodbye to Fred before leading the girl off talking about a game or exploding snap and some hot chocolate.

Fred Weasley would never forget the image of her, a few feet away, turning over her shoulder to shoot him a warm smile.

Three days later she arrives at breakfast to see Florrie Watson with bright green hair and exploding boils on her face. When she looks to Fred he sends her a knowing wink before returning to his breakfast.

She was utterly in love with Fred Weasley and maybe one day he would feel the same.

Cause you've got me and you know That I've got you and I know

Fred does feel the same. He doesn't realise for a while but he falls just as hard.

Once she's become part of his little world she is a staple of it.

They chat in the common room, she helps out with pranks, they tease Oliver together.

They grow close over the next two and a half years and so on the platform ready for his sixth year at Hogwarts, Fred is more than excited to see her.

Although, he had probably been in love with her for a while, the realisation happens all at once.

He turns around to see her charging down the platform, skillfully avoiding bumping into people, as she runs towards him and George. She has a bright grin on her face and her eyes are shining with excitement.

She throws her arms around Fred who wraps her in a tight hug lifting her into the air to spin her around.

It's as her easy laughter floats into his ears he realises he's a goner.

That he is madly in love with her.

Despite feeling anxious at the realisation he wouldn't have it any other way.

He places her down gently and smiles happily as she grins up at him "Missed you Freddie," She grins and with that she's moving to pull George into an equally tight hug.

"I'll never understand why you come from Scotland all the way to London to go back to Scotland," George teases her as he releases her from his tight grip.

"Becuase floo powder takes literally seconds and otherwise everyone gets fun memories and I don't,"

"So you're scared of missing out," George deadpans

"You're happy to see me, right Freddie?" She beams, turning to the boy who is staring at her with a love struck grin on his face

"Couldn't be happier sweetheart," He confirms, she grins even bigger, although he hadn't thought it possible, before turning back to George

"See Georgie, some people actually like my presence," She jokes

"Don't remember saying I didn't," He chuckles, raising his hands in mock surrender, she laughs loudly, swatting his hand down. She moves to say something but is stopped when her name is squealed from across the platform.

"I'll talk to you guys later," She informs, turning to run towards her best friend, the very Florrie Watson that Fred once pranked.

"George?"

"Yes, Fred."

"I think I'm in love with her," Fred speaks with confidence

"About time you figured it out," George smiles, patting his brother's shoulder with a laugh

If the tide takes California I'm so glad I got to hold ya And if the sky falls from Heaven above Oh, I know I had the best time fallin' into love

She was almost 100% sure she had no chance with Fred Weasley, that and that alone is why when Cormac McLaggen asks her out she says yes.

"Hi boys," She smiles, leaning over the sofa to stick her head between Fred and George

"You smell good," Fred comments, not really thinking about what he is saying but immediately recognising the scent as the one coming from the potions classroom that morning.

"Thanks Freddie," She grins happily

"You look good too, what's the occasion?" Lee questions, he's the only one who can fully see her from his arm chair across from the sofa the twins are sat on

"I've got a date," She shrugs. Fred feels his heart sink as he takes a deep breath, mustering his best fake smile, before putting on a 'totally fine' act, not wanting her to think he is mad, although right now he's thinking up a thousand ways to make whatever boy she's about to go on a date with's life a misery.

"Show us the outfit then," He chimes cheerily, she moves away to come around the sofa, George catching Fred's eye and sending him a sympathetic smile.

She looks beautiful as she stands in front of the boys. Fred letting out a dramatic wolf whistle and smiling when she blushes

"Give us a twirl then," George encourages, she laughs but plays along and twirls for the trio.

"Looking gorgeous," Lee compliments

"You really are," George adds. She smiles at them both before turning to Fred, his the only opinion that ever really mattered to her.

"You think I look alright?" She questions, he wonders for a second how she seems so anxious, like he doesn't think she looks like a piece of art people would wait hours to see even when she's just in her pjs in the common room.

"You look better than alright darling, absolutely beautiful. He's a lucky guy," He grins happily. She blushes a bright red, moving to respond before her name is called from across the room.

"See you later," She smiles to the trio before rushing off towards Cormac McLaggen who is eyeing the girl like she's a piece of meat.

Fred watches as he leads her out of the common room with a scowl on his face "Seriously? McLaggen of all people? If Oliver knew he'd murder Cormac and then he would murder us for letting it happen," He grumbles, receiving sympathetic grunts of agreement from his friends.

We've been livin' on a fault line And for a while you were all mine I've spent a lifetime givin' you my heart I swear that I'll be yours forever 'til forever falls apart 'Til forever falls apart

Fred feels his heart sink at the sight in front of him. Cormac McLaggen dancing at the ball with a girl who is most definitely not his current girlfriend.

He's exiting the ballroom quicker than his friends can work out what's going on. "She's in her dorm," it's the voice of Florrie that makes him stop his frantic search, turning to look at her, thinking it best to have a clue what's going on before he charges full steam at a problem.

"What happened?"

"He broke up with her this morning so he could bring Romilda. I tried to force her to come anyway but she didn't want to. Managed to talk her into her dress and we did her hair and makeup but she just wouldn't actually leave the dorm,"

"Prick!" Fred grumbles, shooting the younger girl a thankful smile, before running off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.

When he arrives, slightly breathless, outside her dorm his heart sinks even further in his chest. He can hear her sniffles from inside her dorm, raising his hand to knock on the door.

"Florrie, please, I really don't want to go," she calls, her voice cracking a little.

"It's Fred," he calls back

"Oh, do you need anything?"

"Just wanna see you sweetheart," he responds gently

"You should be at the ball,"

"So should you," he calls, "I'm coming in," he adds.

The sight makes his blood boil in anger but also makes his heart beat race.

She looks beautiful, a long silver ball gown flowing around her, her hair curled and falling gently around her head, her makeup is smudged from crying but he can tell before the tears it was done to perfection. She looks like an angel walking the earth and he wants to kiss her right there and then.

At the same time though, he notices her red eyes and the tracks of mascara on her face. He thinks about Cormac and how horrendously he treated her and it takes everything in him not to turn around, march back to the hall and kill the stupid boy.

"You look beautiful,"

"I look a mess," she responds

"A beautiful mess," he sighs, moving to sit next to her on the narrow single bed.

"You look handsome Freddie," she smiles, resting her head on his shoulder, exhausted from crying all day.

"Thank you darling," he grabs her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze "There's no chance I can talk you to coming to the hall is there?" He asks

"No. You should get back though, I don't want to ruin your night,"

"Well my plans were to stare at the most beautiful girl in school from across the hall which I can't do when you're sat up here," he's completely honest but she laughs like it's a joke.

"It's your one ball at school,"

"Look, I know you don't quite realise how important you are to me, but I'm not just leaving you a crying mess on your own. So, you and I will stay up here all night," he decides

And they do.

He steals snacks from under Ron's bed and they sit up in her bed eating them. He makes her laugh and she cheers up a little. He catches Bertie Botts every flavour beans in his mouth and smears Cauldron Cake filling on her nose.

He talks her into dancing around her dorm with him. It's fast at first, music playing from her friends record player. When a slow song comes on he holds her close and strokes his hand up and down her back, she rests her hands on his shoulders and stares up into his eyes with a too quick heart beat and a need to kiss the boy she's head over heels for.

They drop to her bed, laying up as she explains what happened. She tells him that she never really liked Cormac all that much and it was the shame and embarrassment that hurt so much, it was the feeling of worthlessness.

Her friends filtered back from the ball one by one, finding them fast asleep in their ball outfits, her head on his chest and his arms holding her close.

So this is it, that's how it ends I guess there's nothing more romantic than dying with your friends And I'm not sorry for myself I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else

"Where too next pretty girl?" Fred questions with a smile, his arms wrapped around her shoulder, holding her to him as they walk through the warm streets of Hogsmeade, the first drops of summer warming the couple.

"Three Broomsticks?" She suggests, taking a lick of the caramel ice cream Fred had insisted on buying her in Honeydukes.

"Sure," He nods, beginning to walk in the right direction, swinging his Zonko's bag in his empty hand "How's the ice cream?"

"As good as ever, you wanna try some?" She questions, taking another lick before tilting her head upwards to look at him, he shrugs in agreement before a smirk takes over his face.

Her eyebrows raise in question before his thumb comes down, hand cupping her jaw, the thumb swiping over the corner of her lip and collecting a smear of ice cream, he pops it into his mouth, sucking the caramel flavour off as she stands staring up at him, eyes a little wide and mouth a jar.

"It's good," He nods, casually dropping his arm back around her shoulder and continuing on his was towards the pub. She allows herself to be tugged along, slightly in awe and massively in love as he somehow manages to act nonchalant, in reality his insides feel like they're on fire.

"Hey, Fred?" She questions as they walk, he hums gently in response, eyes flickering down to look at her

"Why no date this weekend?" She questions casually.

"Haven't been on a date in a while if I'm honest," He admits casually. It was true, for a while Fred was serial dater, she was so unattainable and so he occupied himself, tried to find someone who would make his heart beat just as fast as she did. That was until George informed him the more girls he dated who weren't her the less likely she was to admit to liking him if she felt the same, George knew she did, he could tell, not that Fred believed him.

"Very out of character," She teases, a smirk falling to her face "You lost all your game?"

"Why don't you consider how much you blushed when I tried your ice cream and answer that yourself?" He smirks, watching as she blushes once more but rolls her eyes at him.

The afternoon passes pleasantly, harmless flirting that makes them both overthink carrying the conversation.

It was a joke at first.

He had snuck into a small florist whilst she was talking to a girl from her year.

When he had returned to her side, the flowers held behind his back until the girl was gone, he smiles politely along with the conversation.

She had turned to him, ready to ask where he wanted to go next, and blushed madly when he held out a bouquet of sunflowers to her, he knew they were her favourites. She had taken them with a bashful smile and a teasing 'what have you done wrong to butter me up with flowers'

And it had been a joke when he responded.

"Nice guys buy their dates flowers Wood,"

The reality of what he said hit the pair hard as his eyes widen at the realisation. He can practically see the cogs turning in her head before she whispers

"Is this a date?"

He almost lies. Tells her she's insane and that she's like a sister and he had just been messing with her.

But then he sees it.

The flicker of hopefulness in her eyes.

"I hope it can be," He admits, breathless although he's not quite sure what from.

"Okay, date it is," She confirms, tugging the flowers to her chest in one hand and taking his hand in the other.

'Cause you've got me and you know That I've got you and I know

Fred's foot taps loudly on the floor, a rapid beat ringing through the kitchen.

"You're up early," Molly comments as she enters the kitchen, she's unsurprised by her son's presence in the kitchen even though it is hours before he would normally wake up.

"My girlfriend gets here today. Merlin, mum, you didn't forget did you?" He questions.

It had taken hours and hours for Fred to be able to convince his mother and all the other adults involved to allow his girlfriend to stay for the last two weeks of summer given the location of the Order was supposed to be a secret.

It was eventually Remus' declaration of trust for the girl over dinner after a meeting one night that forced the adult's agreement. "Of course not sweetheart," His mother assures, a loving smile on her face as she watches her son who she's never seen happier. "You know she's not getting here until the afternoon though and that Remus is meeting her in Diagon Alley and he hasn't even woken up yet, let alone left,"

"I know. Just couldn't sleep," Fred admits, rolling his eyes at the beam that overtakes Molly's face

"You really love her?"

"I do. If it means anything I think you will too,"

"I'm sure I will dear," Molly smiles, squeezing her son's shoulder before moving to prepare breakfast.

6 hours later the door is pulled open and Fred feels his heart practically double in size. She hadn't been expecting her boyfriend to be sat on the stairs staring at the front door waiting for her, he had been there since his old professor left. She had been talking happily with the older man, something about her brother's new quidditch job from what Fred heard before she's silenced.

She let's out a mildly shocked laugh when two arms wrap around her, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around in circles. He places her back to the ground, staring down at her with a bright grin that's mirrored on her face as she stares back up.

Half the order and all the kids have now made their way to the front door to watch the couple's reunion. No one can deny that the entire house seems warmer now that their love is filling the walls. No one can question that it's love to the very truest form as they watch the couple stare at each other.

"You're entire family and a load of people I don't know are staring at us," She whispers, only he can hear and he chuckles a little, his arms still wrapped around her waist as her hands rest on his chest.

He can faintly hear the scream of Walburga Black's portrait followed by Tonks shouting 'shit I tripped, did I miss it?', her question answered by Ginny's laughter and a 'They haven't even kissed yet'

"I'm going to kiss you anyway darling, because it's all I've been thinking about for the past four weeks an-"

He's cut off when her hand tugs him down by his shirt, his lips meeting her for the first time in a month. It's not the most magical of kisses, a little toothy from both their wide grins and ruined by the onlookers and Ron's dramatic faux gags.

She pulls away quickly, not wanting to seem disrespectful and giggles when his lips chase after hers "Next time don't talk so much and just kiss me," She teases in a quiet whisper, just for him, he lets out a breathy laugh as she pats his cheek before squeezing past him in the corridor, approaching Mrs Weasley with a tentative smile.

She's pulled into a hug by the woman before being lead into the kitchen. Fred watches from the doorway as she's introduced to everyone and happily greets his siblings, a lovestruck smile on his face.

If the tide takes California I'm so glad I got to hold ya And if the sky falls from Heaven above Oh, I know I had the best time fallin' into love

Fred sits on the cabinet, his legs open as she stands inside them.

"You really need to stay out of trouble," She comments quietly, trying to be gentle as she dabs the open wound on the back of his hand clean.

"Better it's me than the 11 year old she would have given the detention too if I didn't take the blame," Fred responds, trying not to wince at the sting of the alcohol on the cotton pad.

"I hate seeing you like this though," She sighs, he leans down to press a kiss to her forehead "You were very brave though," She compliments, throwing the red stained cotton pad into the bin as she grabs the ointment the twins made a few weeks before from the cupboard. "We're running low," She comments quietly

"I'll make some more in the morning," Fred sighs, letting his head drop back against the wall "Is there enough for George too?" His voice sounds tired but she knows if there wasn't he would stay up to make his twin more, it was the quickest way to heal the scars of Umbridge's quill.

"Yeah," She sighs gently. "Freddie?"

"What's wrong darling?" He asks, one eye fluttering open to look at his girlfriend. Not liking the anxiousness of her voice.

"I was just thinking that tomorrow I could go to Umbridge and tell her the other night was my fault, your hand is practically raw and-"

"No," He doesn't mean to snap at her but he would never, ever, let that toad of a human lay a hand on his girl. He'd take any punishment she has a thousand times before he let her take it even once.

"Fred, you can't just-"

"I mean it. I'm not letting her hurt you, alright? 'M your boyfriend, it's my job to keep you safe so no. You aren't taking the blame for her finding us kissing in a broom cupboard," He demands, she sighs as she grabs a bandage to wrap up Fred's hand

"You're killing yourself slowly Fred and I won't let you. I was just as at fault as you were and you've taken the blame for every slip up I've made all year. Even when you weren't there," She argues, her voice is soft though, not wanting to fight with him.

His hand that's not being bandaged rakes through his hair in frustration. "Please, please just let me keep you safe?" He's speaks so quietly, so full of nerves and love and every emotion in between that her heart melts a little

"You-"

"I swear to you right here that I'll start being more careful and I'll stop taking the blame for other people if it makes you worry, but, please. Angel, please, just let me look after you,"

He's practically begging and she can't help but agree, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Just start being careful alright?" She whispers the question

"Promise," He confirms quietly

"I love you Fred,"

She had been in love with him since her first year and it was the first time she ever said it to him.

She wasn't nervous though, not even for a second, she knows he loves her back, he may not have ever said it but he tells her in his own way a thousand times a day.

"I love you too sweetheart," He smiles gently, reaching his none bandaged hand to her jaw to pull her to him.

He kisses her soft and slow before she pulls away, moving her head to press a gentle kiss to the palm of his hand that's moved to cup her cheek.

"George! I'm ready to do your hand!" She calls, turning away from her boyfriend to blink away her tears, her anxiousness for his well being feeling overwhelming. George enters the small bathroom, cradling his own bleeding hand.

Neither twin mentions the redness in her eyes.

We've been livin' on a fault line And for a while you were all mine I've spent a lifetime givin' you my heart I swear that I'll be yours forever 'til forever falls apart 'Til forever falls apart

"I need to tell you something," Fred had spilt the words out over dinner, interrupting his friend groups story. She immediately turns to him, eyebrow raised in concern. She had joined his friends for dinner at his request, he'd been clingy fort he past month but she thought nothing of it until that very moment.

His brown eyes that usually held so much love and mischief seemed consumed in guilt.

"Alone," He adds hastily, trying to ignore the questioning look from Angelina Johnson across the table who had been talking about her Potions essay.

He stands, his girlfriend following behind wordlessly. Normally, he would reach out to grab her hand but he could feel the cold stare of Dolores Umbridge.

By the time he pulls her into an empty class room, too anxious to go all the way back to his dorm, he can feel his heart in his mouth.

He knew, realistically, that he should have told her months ago. Told her when the idea was first born. Not now, less than 24 hours before it happens.

"I swear to god, if you've cheated on me Fred I will cut you-"

"No!" He's quick to defend himself "Of course not. I would never, you know that," He sighs, still not sure where to find the words. "I have something to tell you but please don't be mad,"

"You can tell me anything Freddie," She reassures, sitting down on a desk as he stands in front of her

"I'm leaving," He speaks lowly

"What do you mean leaving?" she questions, eyes scrunched up like she's concentrating.

"I mean Harry gave George and I his tri-wizard cup winnings and we are dropping out of school to open a joke shop. I'm leaving tomorrow,"

"I- I don't know what to say," She admits quietly

"Well, what are you thinking?" He promts, trying to gauge her reaction

"I'm- I'm kind of mad that you didn't tell me you were leaving. That you've undoubtedly known for a while and you didn't bother to tell me. I'm worried because I'm so in love with you and I don't know what happens to us when we aren't both here, I mean I knew next year everything would change but I thought we had time to work out what we are doing. I'm sad cause I'm going to miss you like crazy, but, if I'm honest more than anything I'm so unbelievably proud of you and happy for you,"

"I should have told you. I know that. But I promise that nothing has to happen to us, I love you, not being here won't change that,"

"And you'll write?"

"Everyday," He assures, standing between her legs to press his lips to hers.

We never had it from the start 'Til death do us part

"So, what do you think?" Fred's voice questions, his hands that had been clasped over her eyes nervously ringing by his sides.

She was the first person to see the inside of the shop and both the twins, who stand on either side of her, were nervous about it.

She looks around with wide eyes, her feet spinning her in a slow circle as she takes in the bright colours of the store.

"Jeez woman, say something already," George groans, his anxiousness getting the best of him

"It's perfect," She grins, turning back to the two boys

"You really think?" Fred questions

"I do. It's like you two in shop form. I love it," She grins, flinging her arms around her boyfriend's arms as he lifts her up into the air, spinning her around as his loud laughter of excitement mixes with her giggles

"You love it?" He asks, excitement evident in his voice

"I love it," She confirms as he places her back onto the ground. She turns to hug George, smiling a congratulations.

Fred tugs her by her hand around the store, giving her the guided tour and pointing out every single product, explaining ones she hadn't seen before. She listens attentively, her heart swelling in pride and she swears she falls in love all over again as he grins at her, eyes shining.

If the tide takes California

I'm so glad I got to know ya

Fred's arms hold her close to him, her's looping round her neck as he sways them gently to the music playing through the marquee, her head tilted up to look at her boyfriend who smile back down.

"When we get married-" Fred starts, rolling his eyes when she immediately rolls her eyes

"Did you just say we?"

"Obviously we are getting married you idiot," Fred huffs, she smirks, reaching onto her tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek "As I was saying, when we get married, it's not going to be this fancy,"

"No?"

"No. Not worth the stress, unless you want a big fancy shindig, if you do obviously we can have one, we will just put a full body binding curse on mum," He chuckles at his joke but she can hear the sincerity in his voice

"Fred Weasley I would marry you with a piece of string for a ring and only one witness,"

"So a small wedding?" He smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of her head

"Small wedding sounds good. You'll have to ask Oli for permission before you ask me though, otherwise he'll genuinely murder you,"

"I'll do that," He grins down.

She laughs it off, no idea there was a ring in his bedside draw since his first pay check at the joke shop, that he was just waiting for everything to calm down to ask.

And if the sky falls from Heaven above Oh, I know I had the best time fallin' into love

Fred feels like he can finally breathe again when he hears the door of the flat swing closed.

"Hey, I'm back," Her voice rings through the home above the joke shop.

"In the living room," He calls back, he hears her drop her keys onto the small table by the door before she arrives in the door way. Staring at him from the door way

"Thought I told you not to wait up?" She questions

"Couldn't sleep, hated not knowing if you were okay," He admits, she let's out a sigh, crossing the living room to sit next to him on the sofa.

"I know what you mean. Spent the whole day worrying if anything had happened to you," She admits, he sighs, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"How was work?" He asks softly

"Busy. The world is a mess out there," She admits, her job as a healer seemed to only get crazier with each passing day, the war raging on the streets.

"I know," He hums gently, "Did you see Oliver after you finished?"

"I did, he's good just worried about everyone," She shrugs, it was how everyone seemed to be recently.

"I'm glad your home safe,"

"I'll always get home safe to you Freddie, as long as you promise to do the same?"

"I promise angel,"

We've been livin' on a fault line And for a while you were all mine

She feels like she can't breathe when the door is pulled open, she had the address on a piece of paper in Hermione Granger's neat cursive.

For a second, as selfish as it makes her feel, she allows herself to pretend. Pretend the man standing in the doorway is him. Allows herself to pretend it's the love of her life staring at her, and, for the second she does she can almost kid herself into thinking everything is okay.

"You want to come in?"

She feels the world crash around her as she nods, allowing George Weasley to lead her into his house. He offers her a drink and she politely declines, taking a seat in his living room.

"You're staring," He comments, he doesn't seem angry, nor does he seem hurt to see her. Instead, he watches her with pity.

"Sorry, I just-" She sighs, not bothering to finish

"I do it too. I stare at my reflection and trick myself into thinking it's him,"

"I'm so sorry, that you've had to go on without him. George, I'm so, so, sorry,"

"The same to you," George smiles sympathetically. His eyes scan her, trying to work out how she is without asking. "So, that's why you're here?" He questions, nodding towards the ring that sits on her left hand.

"It is. I need to talk to you about it. I'm sorry, because I know we said that we weren't going to speak but it had to be you,"

They'd both agreed it within a few months of the war ending. Being around each other was too hard. They were the one person who reminded the other of Fred the most.

"Okay," George nods in agreement. He watches as she eyes the framed photo of his wedding day on the mantle piece before letting out a deep breath.

"I moved away, to America, after the war- I just- I needed to get away. It was 5 years before I went on a date, it was 6 before I had sex it was 7 before I had a boyfriend. I didn't want to have a relationship, not when it would never come close to the one I had with him, and it doesn't, you should know that it doesn't, but Daniel, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. But- I can't go through with it, not if you're mad at me for it,"

"I'm not mad," George speaks gently, he has a feeling that in this moment it isn't him she's speaking too at all. If it were anyone else he would be angry, but for her, he is prepared to be the bridge to Fred, because he knows the one person who loved his twin more than George himself, was the girl in front of him.

"I know. I knew you wouldn't be I just-"

"You aren't asking if I'm mad. You're asking if I think he is," George comments, he reaches across the coffee table to squeeze her hand gently

"I know. I'm so sorry George, it's not fair to you and I know that. The thing is- You knew Fred better than anyone and you- Oliver keeps telling me that it is okay. That Fred would want me to be happy and to have a husband and kids and- I want to believe him but- I need to hear it from you. From you who knew him so deeply. Wherever he is does he hate me right now?"

"Fred would want to be the one who made you happy,"

"Look, George, I believe in love. I believe in one grand love, a soulmate, a forever. I believe that Fred was mine. He was the one. He was the sun and the moon and the stars. He is the love of my life. But I want kids, George, I always wanted that, and he is gone. I believe that when you die, the person you loved most in life is waiting for you and no matter what I believe it'll be Fred who greets me. I believe that he's watching over me and every decision I ever make I can practically hear him telling me what to do. I have love for Daniel but I am not in love with him, I will never be in love with anyone like I was with Fred, he was it for me. But I can't have him. I think he knows I would always pick him, I would still pick, I wish it were him. So, George, would he hate me for having a life without him?"

"You had a forever with Fred. It wasn't your forever, but it was his. I never saw him so happy. He wouldn't hate you. Just, for me, don't forget him,"

"I won't George. Nothing else comes close. It never will,"

I've spent a lifetime givin' you my heart I swear that I'll be yours forever 'til forever falls apart

Masterlist

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley #fred #weasley twins #weasley #harry potter fanfiction

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

Stuck in the middle- Oliver Wood

You know what she said to me? She said, "You're a player, aren't you? And I bet you got hoes" I said, "You don't know me like that I just go with the flow, oh, oh"

Oliver Wood was a confident boy. He knew he was good looking, he knew he was talented, he knew he was smart, he knew he was charming, most importantly he knew almost all the girls in school wanted him. All of this combined gave him his natural flirty manner. He was the kind of boy to send girls winks across classrooms, to tease them with a flirty smirk the first time he meets them, to never see the same girl more than a handful of times.

She seemed to be the one girl he couldn't get. She was beautiful and smart and kind and funny. She was the girl every boy fancied. She was the one girl he wanted to take home over summer break, to fall in love with, to be with.

They'd been friendly since first year, having always had mutual friends. She'd always been pretty and as an anxious 11 year old he had never had the nerve to talk to her so they'd smiled in the corridor. He made the quidditch team and with that his confidence grew, he finally had the nerve to start talking to girls in a romantic way by 3rd years but she was always just a little out of his league.

In 4th year it began. A tension over them constantly that drove their friends insane. They would flirt constantly, they would steal glances when the other wasn't looking but they never actually made a move. She always thought it was a joke, she didn't let herself think for even a second he could be serious. She didn't want to end up just another one of Oliver Wood's dates crying too their friends in the bathroom because he didn't ask them on a second date. He thought there was no chance on god's green earth she liked him back, he flirted with her constantly and yet she never took him seriously, he couldn't drop anymore hints.

"There's the most beautiful girl in the whole school," Oliver calls, watching as she enters the corridor he was standing in, his attention drawn from the twins who he had been chatting with.

"Hi boys," She grin to the three friends, "How was your summer?" She directs the question to the twins. Having already made flirty chit chat with Oliver the evening before.

"Quite alright, flew that car Ron and Harry arrived in to surrey and back," George grins excitedly

"Shit! how was it?" She asks, chatter between the three take overs and Oliver watches with a smirk and a lovestruck look in his eyes. Taking in her tight school shirt and short skirt, the way her Gryffindor tie hangs loose around her neck and her knee heigh socks make his mouth water a little. He watches the way her eyes light up with excitement, the way she tilts her head back when she laughs, the way she tucks her hair behind her ear.

"I should get going, don't wanna be late to the first class of the year," She smiles

"Of course, see you at practice later," Fred grins

"I'll walk you to class," Oliver offers, pushing himself off the wall he had been leaning on. She turns to him with a small smile and almost looks like she's going to accept his offer before the smile switches to a smirk

"Shouldn't you be walking Kirsty to class? or Mille? Or Hannah? Or Ellie? Or"

"Okay, I get the point," Oliver groans

"You have plenty of girls Oli, you don't need me,"

"But your my favourite," He smirks, she smiles, an overly sweet smile

"That's a shame for you," She grins, shooting him a wink before turning and striding down the corridor.

"Hard luck mate," George chuckles, clapping his hand around a disgruntled looking Oliver's shoulder.

She said, "You can't fool me like that You're gonna leave me on read" I said, "Why don't you try me on out I know you wanna be friends"

"We're friends right?" Oliver's voice questions as he plops himself down on the loveseat she's sat in. She looks up from the book she had been reading to look at him

"What are you trying to trick me into saying?" She questions

"No tricks," He assures, raising his hands in surrender

"I would label us friendly acquaintances," She shrugs, he nods pausing for a second to think "Careful there Oliver, I can see the cogs turning in your head,"

"I think we should be friends," He announces

"And why is that?" She questions

"Well, we have been in the same friend group since we were 11-"

"It's a big friend group,"

"But it's the same one. We play quidditch on the same team and I like being around you so I think we should be friends,"

"I know you Oliver Wood. I see the way you behave. You flirt with girls, make them feel super comfortable around you, you ask them out on a date and then you never talk to them again. So no, I don't want to be your friend just so you can start ignoring me and feel like you won," She retaliates

"Okay. I know my reputation with girls kind of makes me seem like a prick,"

"More than kind of,"

"I really do want to be friends with you though. I think we could get on great,"

"Okay fine. Friends," She agrees, he smiles brightly, a grin that makes her heart warm a little.

"Friends," He confirms

But friends turn into sleepovers And sleepovers turn into love Love turns into jealousy And now we both fucked up

In the two months that follow the two become close. They have a lot in common and it's easy to spend time together. He makes her laugh and she can't help the butterflies in her stomach when he smiles at her.

"Percy Weasley wants to kill you," She announces, bursting into his captains office, he looks up from the papers on his desk with a smile that makes her melt

"Cute PJs," He teases, she rolls her eyes, entering the room fully and closing the door behind her.

"You're lucky to get to see me in such a great outfit," She taunts, he lets his eyes fall up and down her body. Taking in her fluffy pj bottoms and large sweater, the outfit complete with a pair of koala slippers. He would swear on his own life that she looked beautiful.

"That I am," He grins, watching as she gets comfy on the sofa in the corner of the office "Why does dear old Percy want to kill me?" He asks, standing from his chair and crossing the room to sit next to her. He tries to push away the thought that anyone else interrupting him when he was trying to plan practices would infuriate him, that anybody else barging into his office without knocking would make his blood boil. Tries not to think about how every minute he spends with her makes him want her more.

"So I went into your dorm, which in itself is some weird trigger for him, obviously you weren't there but he thought you were in my dorm and so he had a fit about you being out past curfew and so I ran away cause his screeching gives me a headache,"

"Any reason you were visiting my dorm?" Oliver smirks, wiggling her eyebrows and laughing when she shoves his shoulder lightly.

"Just wanted a chat. Couldn't sleep," She answers honestly. She isn't quite sure why even a few hours without seeing him makes her miss him so much. He pauses for a second, not sure how to respond and she starts talking again, uncomfortable with the silence after admitting to that "You shouldn't stay out here so late, you need to sleep more," She instructs. He smiles at her, rolling his eyes before glancing sighing, deciding to ignore her statement.

"I'm glad it was me you wanted to see. That you couldn't sleep and I'm the one you wanted," He speaks quietly like the words are just for her even though no one else is there. It makes her heart skip a beat and she scolds herself for being so weak around him.

"Can I tell you a secret Oli?"

"Anything angel," He grins, subconsciously they're moving closer and closer to each other, a weird need to feel the other person's body pressed to there's.

She thinks for a second that she's going to regret what she's about to say. But one look at his hair that's messy from him running his hand through it, at his tired and lazy smile, at his eyes that shine despite the dim lighting erases all the doubt in her mind.

"I always want to see you. Recently, it's like two minutes away from you is too much," She admits. Glancing at the ground to avoid seeing his reaction.

He feels his heart skip a beat, reaching his hand out to cup her jaw, moving her head gently to force her to look at him. He thinks that in that moment if he doesn't kiss her he will regret it forever and so he leans in slowly, she flutters her eyes close and he is so close he can feel her breath fan across his face

"Baby! There you are,"

They both jump apart at the sound of a new voice and the door bursting open. Oliver wants to tell Kirsty Stevenson to fuck off. She shouldn't barge into his office. More importantly she's just ruined everything. He was going to kiss her and he was almost certain she wouldn't have pushed him away.

"What do you want?" He snaps, not bothering to look at her. Instead looking at the girl in front of him and watching how she seemed to sink into herself, seemed to recoil away from him, sees the hurt flash in her eyes.

"You were supposed to be meeting me outside my common room," Kirsty chimes.

She looks like she'd put in an effort. Her hair curled and makeup done, a short skirt and a low cut top for the midnight date.

"I'll go," The girl mumbles, standing up and leaving the room before Oliver can stop her.

He's quick to rush out after her, leaving a confused Kirsty in his wake.

"Angel! Wait! Please can we talk? I don't want to argue with you!" He's calling after her as he jogs to catch up to her fast walk. Gently grabbing her hand in his.

She stops and turns to look at him but tugs her hand out of his. Oliver sighs, they were relatively touchy despite being only friends and normally she would happily let Oliver hold her hand.

"I'm sorry, I never meant for that to happen," He speaks genuinely

"It's fine Oliver," He cringes a little, she hadn't called him Oliver in weeks. "Honestly, maybe it's a good thing. I mean we are just friends and we shouldn't have been about to kiss. I said that we were just friends for this very reason and I shouldn't have considered that changing. Don't be sorry you are totally in your right to be having dates and girls and all of that. It's fine. I'm fine. We are fine," She rants, he watches as she scrunches her face as she talks like she's trying to stop herself from crying. "Get back to Kirsty. I'll see you around," She adds.

She turns to walk away and he wants more than anything to follow but knows it's the last thing she wants.

'Cause we're stuck in the middle of lovers and friends (Lovers and friends) And we're losing every part of the benefits (Losing benefits) You hurt me more than I ever knew (Than I ever knew)

But it's shitty 'cause I'm doing the same to you

Oliver feels his blood boil. He's sat at a table in the three broomsticks with two of his close friends, Max and Harvey his eyes fixed on the girl a few tables away.

"So, you finally going to tell us why there's no date today?" Harvey questions Oliver. They were part of a large friend group, she was in it too, and they were used to Oli spending Hogsmeade trips with whatever girl he felt like.

"Just wasn't feeling it," He shrugs

"So it has nothing to do with Adrian Pucey and his date?" Max teases, eyes moving to see the girl sat under Adrian's arm, both laughing happily.

"Course not," Oliver grunts, the other two boys laughing at him.

Oliver thought what would hurt the most had already happened. Walking up to the girl as she was giggling with some of the other girls in her friend group three days, they had remained friends after the night in his office still talking everyday, he had asked what the girls were so giddy over and his heart had stopped when she announced she had a date with Adrian Pucey.

"But seriously? Pucey of all people?" He questions his friends with a dirty look in the Slytherin boys direction.

"What's wrong with Pucey? Apparently he's a gentleman and all the girls think he's fit," Max shrugs, knowing Oliver's problem with Pucey was that he was not him.

"He's an arse," Oliver argues.

If he thought hearing the boy had asked her out hurt, watching as she laughed at what he was saying and leaned into his touch felt a thousand times worse.

"Maybe you should have worked up the nerve and asked her out rather than occupying yourself with girls you don't even like that much," Harvey points out. Other than Oliver, Harvey was the guy she was closest with. Thinking of his as a brother and he always looked out for her.

"Fucking obviously I should have," Oliver groans. He looks back to the table and the sight makes him want to die on the spot.

It hurts worse than being knocked off his broom by a bludger. Worse than hearing her all excited about a date with someone else. Worse than watching her blink back tears he caused.

She's sat three tables away, making out with Adrian Pucey.

She said, "Are we exclusive or not?" I said, "What do you wanna do? Seems like you love me a lot" She said, "Can we stop the joking And take me seriously" I said, "I'll try my very best But we'll have to wait and see"

"We need to talk," She demands, barging into the boy dorm. Oliver looks at her in surprise. His hair damp from the shower he just took and a towel hanging low on his hips. He smirks at the way she suddenly becomes distracted by his toned chest before letting out a deep breath and forcing herself to look at him in the eyes again.

He goes to reply but his cut off by Percy "You shouldn't be in here! This is the boys dormitory," The Weasley boy lectures, eyes a sharp glare in her direction

"I need to talk to Oli," She shrugs

"This is kind of a private conversation Percy. Could you leave?" Oliver adds, the boy scoffing

"No. It's my dorm. You're not having sex in it. Again." Percy groans

"We aren't going to have sex Percy," The girl snaps

"We could if you want," Oliver smirks

"This is a serious conversation," She snaps at him before turning back to the Percy "Please leave?"

"No. I am a prefect. I'll chaperone you to make sure nothing funny happens," He announces, sitting down on his bed.

"Fine. Oliver, what the fuck are we doing?" She questions, turning back to the boy

"I don't know what you mean,"

"Don't play dumb with me. I know you threatened Adrian to stop talking to me because Marcus Flint told me. I don't even care that much because clearly it's not him I want," She rambles a little and Oliver feels his heart glowing at the insinuation it's him that she wants. "But you can't ruin all my options and then be seeing a million girls yourself,"

"I know," He admits

"So?" She questions. He sighs, he knows that she's who he wants. That no one else could ever come close to her and yet he can't bring himself to say any of this. Oliver Wood was not the boyfriend type.

"I don't know,"

"That's fine. Just think about it and let me know," She seems dejected and he feels guilty. She'd barged in expecting this to go very differently. He nods, wishing he could find his voice and tell her he didn't need to think. He knew he wanted her. And yet he couldn't bring himself to do it.

She slips out of the room silently and Oliver groans, throwing his head back in frustration.

"You're stupid," Percy comments

"Yeah. I know,"

'Cause talks turn into sleepless nights And sleepless nights turn into love Love turns into impatience And now we both fucked up

He finds himself unable to sleep for what feels like the millionth night in a row but is actually only a week. Pulling his duvet off his body and heading into the common room. He's surprised to see a figure sat on the sofa, his confusion growing when he realises it's her.

"It's late," He comments. It had been a week since she asked him to work out what he wanted and they had spoken a little but no where near as much as normal and only in a group setting. It was like before and they both hated it.

"Can't sleep," She shrugs, staring into the dying fire.

"How long?" He questions, he knew she had problems falling to sleep sometimes and that they were usually a phase

"Couple of days. It's annoying. We have a match tomorrow and I just know I'll be exhausted,"

"You'll still play great. You always do," He compliments, still lingering a few feet away.

"You can sit if you want," She offers, seemingly loosing all her confidence when she quickly follows it with "You don't have too, obviously. Like if you're going out or something,"

"I'd like to," He assures, sitting down next to her on the sofa. A comfortable silence settles over them for a few minutes.

"Why're you up so late?" She questions

"I'm thinking. Can't turn my brain off,"

"Well, it isn't used to the whole thinking thing," She teases, he rolls his eyes, shoving her side lightly. His laugh dying in the air when his whole body seems to wake up at the feeling of her.

"I'm not a boyfriend kind of guy,"

"I know," She nods, letting out a sigh "I wish I could be some one who could do a casual thing cause I want you and I just-" she cuts herself off with a sigh. He nods, understanding exactly what she meant.

"I want so badly to say I'll make it work but I don't want to hurt you," He explains. She nods slowly.

"One kiss? Just to see what it could have been?" She questions, he smiles gently.

His lips feel warm against her and they fit together perfectly. His kiss feels like coming home and having her right there with him, having her lips on his makes Oliver feel whole. He knows he's being stupid, to not let himself have her but the last thing he wants is to hurt her and he doesn't trust himself to not hurt her.

He pulls her closer, without breaking their lips apart for even a second, until she's straddling his hips. His hands holding her as close to him as humanly possible as her hand in his hair.

She pulls away breathless and Oliver doesn't ever want it to end.

"One day, I really hope I get to do that again," He admits

Got me stuck in the middle of lovers and friends And we're losing every part of the benefits You hurt me more than I ever knew But it's shitty 'cause I'm doing the same to you

She's hungover. Her head pounding and a sense of nausea settled in her stomach. They won the quidditch match and with victory comes a party and with a party comes a nasty hangover.

She rolled out of bed mid afternoon and trudged to an old classroom that is never used anymore that her friend group often hang out in. Grabbing a book to read while she's there.

Old desks had been charmed into sofa's and the group was so large they could rarely all find seats together in the common room and had students from other houses in, having a little room to themselves was just easier.

"There she is," Harvey grins, moving to make space next to him on a sofa, she gladly takes the seat, and shoots him a smile.

She joins in the discussion of the night before, allowing her best friend to force her to drink plenty of water. She certainly wasn't the worst hangover present but it would still do her a load of good.

Oliver enters the room a while later, a look she can't place on his face. His eyes scan the room before they land on her and he sighs, shooting her a sorry looking smile before settling in a seat on the other side of the room. She wonders for a second why he's chosen to sit so far away, lately they always seemed to sit together.

Her question is answered within seconds "So, how was your evening Wood?" Max teases from his arm chair

"Good," Oliver nods, trying not to draw any attention to himself, wishing the conversation would move on

"Oh come on. Where's the details? You hooked up with Riley Adams, she's fit," Max starts rambling about the Ravenclaw girl from the year above but to the girl the world seems silent.

She feels her heart break a little. She has no right to be angry. He told her he couldn't be in a relationship and she respected that.

But she wanted him. In every sense of the word. Having to hear he was sleeping around made her want to cry and his guilty eyes avoiding looking at her didn't make it better. Neither did her friends sympathetic smiles or Harvey telling Max to shut up.

The conversation is moved along quickly to something unrelated and she's standing up. Wanting to be as far away from Oliver Wood as possible, her best friend quick to follow her.

Stuck in the middle Stuck in the middle with you Stuck in the middle Stuck in the middle with you

Oliver finds himself missing her instantly.

Two weeks without speaking to her makes him feel like he's going insane.

He sees her in class. At practice. Hanging out in the same group.

So close he could make everything normal. Could talk to her. Could have her back in his life.

Every time he tries to, every time he approaches her between classes, tries to talk to her, tries to tell her that he knows he is stupid and that he wants her and nothing will ever change that and he wants to think with his heart and not his penis. That he knows he can trust himself to be a loyal and good boyfriend because fucking hell she was already his priority in life. She made his world turn and without her nothing made any sense. She walks away.

She avoids him like the plague.

Never allowing him close enough to talk to her.

He watched from afar as she seems heart broken. He watches as she seems like she hasn't slept in weeks. As she blinks back tears when a girl talks to him, not knowing he sends them all away as fast as he possibly can.

He misses her and he knows she misses him but she won't let him close enough to do anything about it.

Because fights turn into making up And making up turns into love Love turns into forever And that scares both of us

When he finally gets her alone he is absolutely adamant he is not going to let her slip through his fingers again.

"I was wrong" He states, standing in the doorway to the quidditch changing rooms with a look of determination in his eyes.

She turns around, only clad in sports shorts and a Gryffindor jumper and god he thinks she's an angel in front of him.

"I was wrong for a really long time. I was wrong to sleep with Riley when all I wanted was you. I was wrong to compare them all to you like they ever came close. I was wrong to think I'd be a shit boyfriend to you. Because I wouldn't. I would be a fucking incredible boyfriend because I would be doing it for you. I'd be the kind of guy who walks you to every class, who brings you flowers, who makes sure you're drinking enough water. I'd be the kind of guy who doesn't even think for a second about anyone else because you're it. You are all that matters to me. I'm scared to commit myself to someone because I never did but I never did because I've wanted you for so long and before now you were never an option. But you are now, at least I hope you are. And I would choose you a million times because it's everything to me. I know that I've hurt you and you've hurt me and it's been a lot but I want you and I pray that you want me back,"

"No sleeping with anyone else? No weird in between?"

"No, not for a second more,"

She walks towards him, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him down to her and lips on his in an instant.

None of it mattered anymore. Because he wanted her and that's all she ever needed.

'Cause we're stuck in the middle of lovers and friends And we're losing every part of the benefits You hurt me more than I ever knew But it's shitty 'cause I'm doing the same to you

Masterlist

#oliver wood x reader #oliver wood #oliver wood x y/n #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter masterlist

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lottiebagley · 3 years

Text

blink twice- draco malfoy

There's more to be said in the silence Fill in the blanks you left There's way more quiet in a siren I hear what's in your head

She lets out a sigh as she sinks into the open chair next to her close friend and opposite her best friend

"Still no Draco?" Daphne questions, a gentle smile on her face and pity practically radiating off her.

"Nope. Apparently he's not hungry. I offered to skip on dinner and do something but he might as well have shoved me out of the room," The girl sighs, staring at the food in front of her. Her appetite gone as her stomach turns with worry about her boyfriend.

"He'll come around. It's been a hard couple months for him, with everything going on with his father I mean," Pansy reasons, watching as her friend shoves her food around her plate without eating any.

"I know that," Her friend sighs defeatedly, "We've been together for three years. I know it's hard right now and he has no clue how to healthily process emotions it's just hard. I mean he's cold and he's harsh at times but he's never shut me out like this. We've been back at school for almost a month and he barely even looks at me,"

"It'll sort itself out, let him have his space," Pansy smiles gently

"Okay, no. Pans is wrong. If Draco is not treating you right then you shouldn't just roll over and let him be a prick," Daphne disagrees. Unlike Pansy, who was close with both sides of the couple, she felt no need to try and mediate, she wanted the girl happy and if Draco wasn't adding value to her friend's life, Daphne was more than happy to point that out. Daphne was her best friend and her loyalty would always lay with her.

"I don't want to be a pushover but I can't get a minute alone with him to talk about anything,"

"If he can't spare you a minute of his time, dump him. You've had a boyfriend since third year, you are missing out on the array of men Hogwarts has to offer. If Draco doesn't appreciate you find someone else who will," Daphne shrugs

"I'm not breaking up with the love of my life because we are in one rough spot," The girl sighs, resting her head on Pansy's shoulder who reaches to give her knee a comforting squeeze

"I get that. I do. But he can't just treat you like this. You can't wait around forever for him to care about you again just because he has in the past. This is torturing you and you have to do what's best for you. Not what's best for him," Daphne rants

"He loves you more than anything. Just give him time," Pansy encourages. A plan formulating in her mind. She was aware of what was going on, their mothers were best friends and they grew up together. She knew he may not say it but he needed his girlfriend, he needed her love even when right now, he couldn't give her his.

We've been coming undone Holding onto a thread Learning to pick my battles Or I'll be the only one left

Pansy Parkinson storms into Draco's private dorm, he's sat crouched over his desk writing quickly, like he's in a rush to do something, what it is she dreads to think. His hair is dishevelled from running his hand through it and she notices immediately the framed photo on his desk has been carefully tucked away, only the frame poking out from the stack of papers he's placed on top of it.

It usually sits pride of places, an ornate silver frame with green emeralds. The picture is his favourite thing in the world. Better than photos from the yule ball or fancy dinners. They had been in the girls dorm with their friends, having a few drinks and Blaise had taken the picture.She's wearing his quidditch jersey and he's in a sweater. She's sat between his stretched out legs on her bed, leaning back into his chest and grinning at the camera, his head is leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder and her head is tilted to rest against it, he's smirking and she's laughing at whatever he just whispered to her.

"I'm busy darling," He mumbles, not bothering to turn around to see the girl behind him isn't his girlfriend.

"Not your darling," Pansy comments, kicking the door closed behind her and crossing her arms over her chest.

"If I'm too busy for my girlfriend, I'm definitely too busy for you Pans," Draco snaps, she thinks nothing of it, edging a little closer.

"Why'd you hide the picture?"

"It distracts me," He mutters

"Draco Malfoy, I have known you since we were babies, I know when you are lying. Now, as someone who knows you so well, I think you moved the picture because you are ashamed and you don't want a picture of her staring up at you when you work on whatever it is you're being forced to do,"

Pansy knew that Draco had been forced into taking the dark mark. She's heard Narcissa crying to her mother one night. He knew she knew although he never told her, never told anyone. He could tell from the way she squeezed him a little too tight at the train station, from the way she sprung to his defence when Daphne would mention how awfully he was treating his girlfriend.

"What does it matter why I moved a stupid picture Pansy?" Draco snaps, finally putting his quill down and turning to look at her.

"Because you're ashamed," Pansy comments

"Of course I am. I don't want this but I can't change it,"

"That's why you're pushing her away?" She questions, eyebrows raised

"I'm pushing her away because I don't want her mixed up in all this," He snaps

"You know that not talking to her isn't going to make people believe you never loved her. If someone is going to use her to get to you they won't care that in the last month you haven't been talking to her. So why torture yourselves?"

"I don't want her to know. I don't want her thinking I'm evil,"

"She would never. She loves you Draco and you'd be doing everyone a favour to accept her love. Including yourself," Pansy states simply. Draco sighs, he knows she is right.

She turns on her heel, walking towards the door, leaving Draco in his own company again but pauses before leaving. "You will loose her if you don't fix this," Pansy states before slipping out into the corridor.

Draco sighs, dropping his head in his hands. He knows he couldn't survive that.

I only know you're home when the door speaks Blink twice if you still love me I'll never know, unless you tell me Did you ever really love me?

It's two days later, a Friday night. Draco was frustrated, he felt like for every step forward he took he went back about 10. He was lonely and he was scared and he was angry. He missed her.

He longer for her, wanting to feel close to her. Wanting to have her in his arms, wanting her lips on his, wanting her hands in his hair. He needed her. He wanted to feel like everything was okay. Like she wasn't slipping through his fingers. Like this was all going to work out.

He thinks as he strides through the halls from the room of requirement, that this is the only option that makes sense. He wanted to feel close to her but he couldn't actually open up. Couldn't handle the look on her face.

He never knocks on her dormitory door, he didn't used to but after walking in on Daphne changing had forced the habit.

"Come in!" Her voice calls back. Draco notices immediately how exhausted she sounds. He wonders if over the past few weeks when she had been trying to talk to him and he had practically ignored her if she has sounded so tired. If he had just not noticed.

He pushes the door open, happy to see she's the only one in her dorm. Sat in his jumper cross legged on her bed, writing a letter to her mother. Although his heart sinks a little in his chest, she looks sad and she looks hurt and he knows it's him.

"Hey darling," He speaks smoothly, she looks up and despite it all a bright grin takes over her face. Her eyes shining.

She jumps up from the bed to enter his now open arms "Dray," She beams, allowing his arms to wrap around her waist and pull her to him, her arms looping around his neck and their lips meeting in a sweet kiss.

She goes to pull away but he pulls her tighter, turning his kiss heated in an instant and for a second she gives into it. Doesn't think about how badly he's been hurting her. Doesn't think about how they clearly need to be talking. All that matters his him, his lips that are now trailing down her neck, kissing and biting and sucking.

"Dray," She moans out, words failing her. He smirks against her neck, the feeling of her hands tugging at his hair enough to make him feel, for the first time in months, like everything is okay.

And it would have been, if his hands weren't tugging at the bottom of the jumper she's wearing. It's so unlike him. It's too quick.

"Draco, wait," She speaks quietly. He stops immediately. Too much respect for her to try and push anything on er even if they've done it a thousand times.

"What's wrong my love?" He questions, hand's coming up to cup her cheeks, thumb stroking over her cheekbone. Now he had allowed himself to touch her again he couldn't bring himself to stop. He smirks at the way she practically melts in his hands, unsure if it's the petname or the loving touches.

"I just- we haven't spoken in like a month," She admits

"We can talk later. Please. I just need you right now," He speaks in a low voice. Anyone else alive wouldn't have questioned him, but she can hear the lilt in his voice, sees how he doesn't look her in the eyes when he makes promises he knows he won't keep.

"You should go," She mutters, pulling himself away from his hold. Draco sighs, eyes scanning hers.

"Why?" He questions gently

"Draco, if you just want someone to have sex with and then leave. You just want to fuck someone and not talk to them you shouldn't be in a relationship," She speaks quietly, scared of what this meant.

"I don't want to have sex with anyone but you," He argues, anger pulsing in him. Not at her. At knowing she's right. He loves her too much to treat her like this.

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep waiting for everything to be okay again when I don't even know what's wrong in the first place," Her eyes are tearing and a pit of dread fills Draco's stomach.

"What are you saying?" He asks lowly, begging himself to stay calm.

"I don't know. I love you Draco,"

"More than anything else," He whispers and she sighs

"You have to talk to me. Please, just talk to me?" She begs and Draco can feel it in the air. This is the moment.

"I can't," He admits, refusing to look at her.

"There's nothing you could say that would change how I feel about you,"

"Darling, I can't," He whispers, heart breaking at the small sob that escapes her mouth.

"I can't just be sex to you,"

"You're not," He's quick to argue

"I am. If you don't talk to me, if you ignore me, if you avoid me. If you only come to me when you're horny that's all I am,"

"So, this is it?" He questions, his own voice cracks a little and he bites his lip to keep from crying. She nods "No. If after three years you are going to break up with me, look me in the eyes and say it," He demands, tears dripping down his cheeks.

She looks up and he regrets asking her to. He hates the look of her damp cheeks and red eyes.

"I'm breaking up with you," She whispers. He nods, turning on his heel and leaving. His heart feels like it is breaking over and over again.

Always calling it the last time I been taking the train Avoiding all the street signs That lead me back to your name

He can't help himself from letting his eyes fall to her. Watching wherever she goes. It's potions class that hurts the most. Their not allowed to change tables so his spot next to her becomes a spot a few metres away, he takes Daphne's spot next to Blaise.

The group who used to always talk loudly are now reduced to hushed whispers. Even months after the breakup there's an uncomfortable tension over them.

He doesn't listen as Slughorn lectures the class about amortentia before setting them off to start the lesson. He already knows he will smell her but he has no idea if she will still smell him, he'd been seeing her around with his close friend Theo a lot, he'd been assured it meant nothing but that didn't stop to the raging jealousy in his blood when Theo replaced her tired and sad frown that seemed to always occupy her face to a light smile.

The group work in silence amongst the loud classroom for the most part, Draco struggling to bite his tongue when Cormac McLaggen stops at the table to hit on the girl on his way to the supply cupboard. She hardly reacts and Draco can't gage if she wants someone to step in and he doesn't want to overstep, it's not his place anymore.

She was always good at potions and it doesn't surprise him when he sees she's finished. Blaise and Pansy are holding a conversation about the quidditch match at the weekend more to save from the awkward silence than because either of them actually care. He listens as Daphne quietly encourages her to smell it. He notices as she seems to smile for a second, a small smile like she's at peace and it's the first time he's seen her smile like that in months. He watches though as her eyes blink closed and she lets out a breath, pulling her head back away and blinking rapidly like she's trying to cry.

He wants to go and hold her and tell her she's going to be okay but it's too little too late.

He watches as Daphne reaches to squeeze her hand, a sad and sympathetic smile sent in her direction.

When Slughorn calls him to the front he feels a pit of dread in his stomach, leaning over the potion to smell it and say what he smells. He thinks for a second about lying but Pansy who seems to be reading his mind shoots him a glare before nodding her head in the girls direction, he thinks for a second they almost look hopeful and so he's honest.

"Honey shampoo and caramel cupcakes and vanilla perfume," He answers honestly and for a second his heart soars at the smile that overtakes her features.

That is until Cormac McLaggen's loud snicker interrupts the room "Didn't they break up months ago?" He questions his friend.

Draco storms out of the room, not sure if he's more embarrassed or angry, but knowing that the pity aimed at him in Hermione Granger of all people's eyes is infuriating.

He misses the way she glares at Cormac and snaps at him"Just because no one will ever smell you doesn't mean you need to be an obnoxious prick,"

We've been coming undone We broke the last thread Learning to pick my battles Or I'll be the only one left

Draco blinks his eyes open groggily, his entire body stings and he feels drained. Immediately though he feels more at ease when he notices the smell of vanilla perfume lingering in the air.

"Thank Merlin you're awake. Bloody hell, you gave me a heart attack," She exclaims, she's sat in an arm chair by his bed and practically tackles him into a hug.

The hug hurts his achey body but he doesn't complain, having her back in his arms is worth it.

"What are you doing here?" He questions when she settles back into her chair, eyes focused on her as she looks around his dorm not wanting to look him in the eyes.

"Professor Snape told me what happened," She shrugs

"And you came?" He questions, shock written on his face

"Of course I did," She hums out, unable to stop herself from reaching out to brush the hair away from his eyes "You need to start sleeping more Dray, you look exhausted," She comments, pulling her hand away. She laughs a little when he grabs her hand and places it back in his hair but complies, running her hand gently through his hair.

"You need to start smiling more, you look like you're about to cry every time I see you," He says it in a teasing tone but she senses the hint of truth behind it.

"I promise to smile more when you start sleeping again," She agrees. He smiles gently, not having the heart to say he doesn't know how to fall asleep without her in his arms.

"So no hospital wing," He comments

"Professor Snape thought it best the entire situation was handled privately," She shrugs, he nods and she lets out a sigh.

"I should go," She admits "I mean we aren't together anymore and now I know you're alive and all," She explains.

He nods, not knowing how to ask her to stay. She doesn't know if he wants her to.

"Look after yourself," She smiles softly before walking out of the dorm.

The second she leaves the room he feels tears in his eyes, rubbing harshly at his eyes to try and stop them. She sinks to the ground in the corridor outside his room, trying to silence her sobs as she wonders how to go on without him.

I only know you're home when the door speaks Blink twice if you still love me I'll never know unless you tell me Did you ever really love me?

"Why did you leave?" He question shocks him.

He had been sat in the otherwise empty common room, staring out of the window and trying to silence his thoughts. He hadn't even heard her come in but when he turns she's looking right at him. Standing only a few feet away.

"I still can't tell you," He admits

"That's not good enough. I love you. I dedicated myself to you and I don't want to stop doing that," She announces

"You should move on," He speaks in a montone, focused on keeping himself level. Trying not to let her know that right now he could scream.

"Bullshit,"

"What are you talking about?" He questions.

"I call bullshit. You don't get to tell me to move on when you haven't,"

"I have,"

"So why did you smell me in your amortentia?"

"I lied. I didn't want to admit who I really smelt so I lied," He speaks in a calm tone, rolling his eyes when she scoffs.

"And the other day? When I was in your dorm?"

"I'd been in a near death experience. I was just on some weird natural high," He shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You don't get to do this! You don't get to treat me like shit! You don't get to avoid me! You don't get to make me break up with you! You don't get to lie to me! You don't get to reject my love! You don't get to make me love you only to treat me like this. I love you and I don't care about whatever secret you are keeping from me. But I need to know if it's worth it! I need to know that you love me back. That you have always loved me. That we are going to be okay. That we are going to be happy again. I need you to give me a sign either way! Fucking tell me! Merlin you can blink real hard right now if you still want me.But you need to But do something because if you aren't going to come back to me I need to stop kidding myself and it will kill me but yo-"

Her rant is cut off and suddenly everything falls into place.

Draco kisses her hard. Kisses her with every bit of love he has in him, desperate to prove to her that this is what he wants. That he feels exactly the same way. His arms pull her closer than humanely possible and her fingers tangle in his hair. He smirks when she moans into his mouth, pulling away breathless.

Barely moving away, forehead resting on hers and desperate to stay close to her

"Clear enough sign?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should do it again, in case I missed it," She teases

"Trust me, I'll make sure you know how much I love you,"

Did you ever really love me? Did you ever really love me? Did you ever really love me? Did you ever really love me?

Masterlist

#Draco Malfoy #Draco #draco fluff #draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter masterlist

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