If I could paint

If I could paint a Picture of my life, it would have to have a lot of colors. I would vibrant florals casting deep purple shadows. I want soaring skies to contrast the deep, hallow valleys that once seemed endless. I want hope. I want raw emotion carved out of my very veins to make it clear that nothing short of my own blood brought me here. I want a picture to hand off to the next generation that says "see? See how orgasmic life can be?" I want a painting that portrays all the differentiating levels in life that bring together a piece that will stun. I want something absolutely breath taking. I want something that screams of life's miracles. I want something No short of ecstasy.

The little girl that could fly

I see her when I close my eyes. Huge, prominently lined eyes with long blonde braids. Her smile was large as well but it didn't push through nearly as much as I wanted it to. "Did you know I can fly?" I snapped my head over in time to catch her enticing eyes on mine. She wasn't speaking to me though. Not directly at least. The question was pointed at her dad who sat distractedly working on a pizza slice and conversing with her mother and brothers who circled the further end of the table. Although she was not a foot away, their energy couldn't have been more distant. She tried to pull him into her world with an even mix of tenacity and aloofness as she continued to absentmindedly spin on her stool. She was tall enough to where her feet could reach the floor if she slid half-off the seat. "Did you know I can fly?" She asked again, the tone in her voice did not suggest it was a repeat question but as if every time she spoke the words they were new. Her hippy pants had been the first thing I remember capturing my attention. I almost praised the parenting but, just from looking at her wild dancing blue eyes, I could tell they had been her choice. She kept up with my gaze of attraction. Where most girls her age would have shied away behind a mothers skirt or the pant leg of their father, she displayed herself without a thought to it and was watching my enticement to her with an equally unbroken tie to my own eyes. I'm sure I seemed old to her, at 20, i was probably almost twice her age but she switched her question as we held that tie, "did you know we can all fly?" My back bumped against the host stand, half out of oblivion to the rest of the busy restaurant and half to check my consciousness. Disbelief is not the most fitting words for my expression but perhaps shock? The flow of guests literally slowed as I tried to discern what I was supposed to do with this. She had taken the scene straight from my dreams. Her father turned to her once or twice in a half-hearted attempt to quietly dismiss her without ever looking at her face, which is just as well, it mainly veered from him and in my direction anyways. We never spoke a word or acknowledged the other, really. Just shared an energy that is unreproducable. I swear I was staring at the physical production of my reoccurring dream. With her second inquiry- no, statement- she added to it though and, for a second, I was sure I had drifted to sleep. "Did you know I can fly? Did you know we can all fly?" No one listened. No one but me. I wanted snatch her away and talk with her for hours begging her to share with me how, though I assumed she would never tell. I pictured us sitting crossed legged on the floor over our chocolate and a fire, chatting away in a manner no one else would understand. I watched her leave though. I watched her family gather their things and armor up for the cold that awaited them past my post at the door. She did not. The rest of the family talked of many things I'm sure but I heard none of it. The only thing I heard for the rest of the night was her voice on repeat in my head, "did you know we can all fly?"

Paraphernalia

I still can't go to sleep without picturing a bullet rushing through my brain, however casually I'm 90% sure that's not supposed to be healthy.

I'll never tell you

//I never wanted you ( I could never say)I’ll never tell you//

You can’t see yourself living without me but I can’t see myself living I can’t imagine what you’d do if I was only kidding

But I mean it, I do, but still won’t say it to you Regardless your meeting, I know that you’d come through If ever I need a hand

Though you’re a tough code to crack with every word I’ve hacked my way into not your soul Chipping into 12ft walls though it’s reputably not an easy task I’ve lulled them to move and every valley to shuffle past

But now I have a problem with opening your heart, I can’t get out clean, Let’s go back to back to the start

I still have traces of you hidden in my hoodie folds and laced within the creases of my mind I’m arsenic and leather laced but you’ve become my cyanide.

You bounce around like crazy in my private hidden thoughts and You’re not the one I wanted but you’re the one I got.

perhaps now I know I need you but still I will refuse The very hand that’s feeding me their craving come true Your deepest itch- unfulfilled, only i can scratch. Just those 3 little words

I’ll never tell you.

Cacophonous

Darling, we’ve done weirder.

I can’t escape our pretty maze All overgrown with ivy And even though it’s poison Baby I still crave our alliance

Different time, same phase We’ve been around this bend before Same love, different smile You’ve got me hooked, I want none more

You’ve got me craving again Your silly words morphed from potent lips

Artless

When I pick up a pencil ruthless imagery flows out and it frightens me. Anytime, any night, anywhere I might be, I fight off storms taking place in my head. I don’t want to know what’s inside my mind so I'll get higher then the rain clouds and avoid the sharpened lead.

Junkies

Level out the mirror and twist off bottle tops. Unzip the sealed bag and let the pupils pop. We all just like to loosen our brain; some for a boost, some to kill it. But see we’re all the same at the end; regardless our efforts, we all still feel it.

Beach Tides

I think of you leaving and my heart drops everything to beat ragingly inside of it’s cage. My dry throat clogs up in a heave to express it’s overwhelming rage.

You always said my salt-air crave is mere weak attachment to the warmth of the beach, but I always admired the ocean’s search for rest upon a dock she never does reach.

Likewise you changed me into the seaside we laid by, now you’ve left me to lie in an empty bed And so my tears roll in with the tide and fall with the storm that thunders in my head

On my knees I beckon for your presence but you rolled away as the clouds moved in. You must know dear this shipwreck craves you as the sun here, so why did you abandon what could have been? Like a sail on the horizon, you turned and I realize you had never dropped your anchor in

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

(via leeessang)

Cause how else would you want to live your life than on the constant brink of insanity

Tonight’s outcome

Hours

41 hours since we talked 41 hours since we locked the line

41 hours since we touched 41 hours since I could call him mine Love is a funny thing, How it can pick people apart

And what an awful sting When the stitching rips too far

Live Fabric, so linked, now scatters with the wind Pieces settle like stepping stones to soak up where we’ve been

But I understand a sheet, once wrinkled, can never settle the same And memories and embraces, once spent, can never return again That love is over now so is our time I know I said I wouldn’t, but I still miss calling you mine

41 hours since his lips pressed against mine 41 hours I’m wishing I could rewind

Ask me how I’m doing and I might stutter out fine But it’s been 41 hours since I’ve seen my mind

41 hours of soaking of this mud, 41 hours since he left me behind …. 42 hours since we talked..

Make it so that people sigh a relief when you enter a room, not when you leave it

-via littlelethalbook

that way when i fell for you, i could have fluttered softly to the ground

i wish i was a leaf instead of a person

My Love, My Grout

I love that you kill me as you fill me You grout my inner cracks

I love that you see me when no one believes me Without you I’m falling apart

I love how you see through when i say I don’t need you You always come back to me

I say that I’ve quit you so I that I can still crawl to Your fire when they’ve burned me out

You don’t mind, we always hide Behind a fruity aroma

When I’ve gotten my head clear, I push you away dear And I love that you still hold me near

Near when I need you. My love, I didn’t mean to Make you me only alibi

But still, I must thank you for your foggy complexion Somehow make my eyes see clearer

(via littlelethalbook)

Lovely Lady

mind trickery and vibrant limes, geometrics and passing time; lovely lady breathing fresh looks like she’s smiled all her life

her brown is vibrant and her pupil’s wide don’t you love the way her dimples shine? you wouldn’t beleive she fell apart and been, to herself, anything but kind

her hands are smooth but her soul is rough empathy sliced into her love with every coo, she sank deeper now she sits to smile, yet ever tough

over viewing, ever reviewing, she’s by them all yet somehow she can rest as background against the wall she’s ever elegant with her dagger, the way she sits so tall

you wouldn’t believe, that just last week she tried to take the fall

(via littlelethalbook)