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littlegaywolf · 4 months
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childhood was so crazy. my parents were kind of young. a meal seemed to last forever. i could run for ages. everyone was alive
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littlegaywolf · 8 months
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0903, O.L. / Tumblr: @3lsahart / Peggy Toney Horton / September Days, In New England Fields and Woods, Rowland E. Robinson / Unknown / Alexander Theroux / Memory of Water, Reina María Rodríguez / September, Helen Hunt Jackson / Wallace Stegner / Instagram: @kjp / H. Stuart / Unknown / Unknown / Henry Rollins / Margaret Atwood / Diario Cuatro, DC de Oliveira / Virginia Woolf / Unknown / September 1st, D. E. / Beginning and ending with my death, Zeina Hashem Beck / The Whole Word and Other Stories, Ali Smith / Turquoise Silence, Sanober Khan / Victoria Erickson
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littlegaywolf · 9 months
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“As June runs into warm July I think of little else but you.”
— Wendy Cope, excerpt of “From June to December” (A Summer Villanelle)
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littlegaywolf · 11 months
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this movie is for the ones who feel like they are misfits in the world and how they will always feel like they don't belong, but they'll manage to find their own somehow, and they'll fall in love, experience loss and hurt and other human feelings despite feeling like a fkn monster.
this movie is for me.
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littlegaywolf · 11 months
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okay hear me out,, the girl that Hozier sings about?? THAT GIRL'S LANA AND THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE cause like who else could
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littlegaywolf · 11 months
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afterall, feeling understood is the greatest form of love.
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littlegaywolf · 1 year
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SOULMATES.
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we often think soulmates are a mirror of each other. the Greek story of zeus's wrath tells us they're our other half, and we long for them our entire lives. a lot of us spend our lives in search of our other half. we tend to assume that this other half would be a lot like us, that it could see through us and understand who we are. being understood is afterall what love is all about.
so we go through our lives, meeting people that 'fit our type'. I don't know about you, but i did live my life like that- jumping from one potential soulmate to another. I had a checklist prepared for every quality that my soulmate should have. a tall guy, with (preferably) curly hair; should be kind and compassionate, emotionally available, and of course, academically smart. someone who would listen to Taylor Swift songs with me and be an absolute romantic. someone who is political and isn't afraid of voicing their opinions. a communist. a feminist. someone with all the good parts of my dad, and not a single bad one. now that is a very unrealistic expectation, isn't it? but it was what I expected out of my soulmate. and i went years without finding one. (understandably so)
until I did. until I met someone who made me want to completely rethink my criterias. movies make you think that the day you meet your soulmate, sparks would fly and you'd feel like you swallowed a thousand butterflies. but none of this happened. movies are a lie, yes, but the very idea of a soulmate is too. because the day I met this guy, I went back home and I can swear I swore that I will never meet him again. until we did. somehow he walked back into my life, and I let him. we met over and over again, we argued, we kissed, we cooked, we fucked and he annoyed the fuck out of me. i couldn't stand him, he was insufferable. he challenged me constantly and i challenged him back. he didn't like Taylor Swift and he wasn't a romantic. he was political but not very vocal about it. he wasn't a leftist, centre left he'd say. he would crack un-feminist jokes to piss me off, and he pissed me off A LOT. he annoyed every fibre of my being and he was mostly everything that I didn't want my soulmate to be. and yet somehow, we became friends. worse, i found myself falling for him.
I don't know what it was about him. he did not mirror me, nor did he check the list I had made for my soulmate. but every moment I spent with him- fighting, arguing, making love, cooking for each other, I realised I want to keep doing this forever. i would picture my life 10 years down the line, and he would be a part of that picture. it was almost as if i couldn't live away from him. until i had to. until he went back home. for a few weeks after he left, i felt so lost as if someone had torn apart a part of my own soul. "soulmate" i heard my heart ringing. that is when i realised that soulmates aren't a carbon copy of you. they are not going to be a reflection of your own personality or they won't fit into your checklist. they will be a whirlwind of everything you never thought you might need, all in one, and they will walk into your lives in the most unexpected of ways. and when they do walk, in there will be no sparks flying or butterflies in your tummy. rather, you'll start becoming a better version of yourself. they compliment your personality and bring out the best in you. despite being different, they will be able to see you and see through you. they will understand you though they might not be able to relate to you. they will listen to you speak about your favorite artists and movies and books even though they might not be into them. as Taylor Jenkins said- your soulmate was somebody who had all the things you didn't, that needed all the things you had.
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littlegaywolf · 1 year
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I don't even know if I love people anymore. I don't know if I was in love everytime I claimed to be in love. I think I was just obsessed. because I need to be obsessed with one thing or the other. if not I'll have to focus on myself, and anything is better than focusing on myself. so I choose to be obsessed and I call it love so that I can romanticise it and make it seem all rosy and good cause otherwise my whole life is falling part and i am falling apart and none of it is beautiful. so I pretend. I pretend to be in love, when I'm just obsessed. and when the person I'm obsessed with leaves, it hurts, it hurts like hell because I'm kicked back to reality again and I have only me to focus on and I'd rather do anything BUT that.
I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know what love feels like. and that bloody sucks.
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littlegaywolf · 1 year
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sometimes you look at the person your ex chose over you and you realise you're just so much better than them. but it's not about how much better you are, it's just about... who your ex likes, you know? and that has nothing to do with you or your worth or even about her.
love is a crazy thing. matters of the heart aren't so rational. if love had been rational, people wouldn't be writing poems about it. what I'm trying to say is- it's okay that he chose her. maybe you are better, maybe you're not, but that doesn't matter. he's moved on, and it's time you do too.
xx
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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"but i don't want small talk. text me, and without saying hello, tell me why you got so angry at your sister this morning. tell me why you have a scar shaped like Europe on the left side of your neck. send me paragraphs about the time you spent at your grandmother's house that one summer. call me when i'm half asleep and tell me why you believe in God. tell me about the first time you saw your dad cry. go on for hours about things that may not seem important because i promise that i'll be hanging on to every word you say. tell me everything. i don't want someone who just talks about the weather."
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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Do you think I can have one more kiss? I'll find closure on your lips, and then I'll go. Maybe also one more breakfast, one more lunch, and one more dinner. I'll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest. My hope is if we add up the "one mores" they will equal a lifetime and I'll never have to get to the part where I let you go. But that's not real is it. There are no more one mores. I met you when everything was new and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seem endless. And they still are... for you, for me, but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn't just grow apart, we grew up. When something breaks, if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it. Unfortunately sometimes things don't break, they shatter. But when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments when the pieces of what we were catch the sun, I'll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it'll always be. Because it was US. And we were magic. Forever.
Movie: Someone Great (2019)
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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don't come back to my city now,
the skies have been pretty since you left.
but with your return, I'm afraid
you'll turn them grey,
like you turned me.
- S/H
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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I slept with a poet today.
I kissed him
with the remains of your name on my lips.
and he kissed me back, tasting
like the ashes of a burnt relationship,
soot on his lips
that screamed his lover's name.
but i did not mind.
After we made love that day,
when I held him close like I held you once,
I hugged him for so long, i believed
hoped, he would morph into you.
but he didnt.
Instead, he stood up
walked across the room,
and picked up a journal
from a stack of journals
flipped through the pages,
until
he found the one he was looking for.
poem. not lover.
He read it, out loud
for me to hear.
it was a poem about passion
and love
and all those other feelings
you made me feel.
all those other feelings
she made him feel.
and as he read
we both smile
knowing
that he was thinking about her
and i, you.
~ S/H🤎
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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what if. what if i wrote you a letter confessing my undying love for you. what then
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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Fuck. Me. Up. It felt good to name what was already happening to me all my life. I was being fucked up, at last, by choice.
- Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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left alone - fiona apple / geoff mcfetridge / does the universe fight for souls to be together? - jamie varon 
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littlegaywolf · 2 years
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i keep saying "i love you" not just for you to know, but to also reassure myself that i still love you after every hurt you've caused me. i love you as an act of rebellion against my own heart.
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