happy opening day to old people who keep score in the stands, field pigeons who harrass outfielders during play, snack shack workers, ticket takers, lesbians on game day dates, girls who play on Little League teams, cotton candy hawkers, whoever repairs and replaces the lightbulbs in stadium lights, radio board operators, shitty bisexual stadium DJs, non-American players, transgender fans of all kinds, field maintenance workers who trip pulling the tarp up, abysmal first pitch throwers, Renel Brooks-Moon, people who take the bus, train, or ferry to games, my boyfriend, first time fans, lifelong fans, diva pitchers, diva shortstops, guys who sell hotdogs and merch on the sidewalk after games, minor leaguers, college softball players who are better than all baseball players but never get paid for their contributions to the sport, seagulls who shit on people and then take their french fries, umpires who get silly with it calling strikes, camera operators, stadium janitors, and you.
BREAKING: Canada has become the first major Western ally of Israel to halt weapons exports to Israel.
Canada's parliament passed a non-binding motion calling on the government to stop sending weapons to Israel and the Foreign Minister has since confirmed that they will end its weapons shipments.
While the move falls short of a full arms embargo, it has drawn strong criticism from Israeli officials who are afraid it could trigger a domino effect among other Western countries.