do you ever feel like you really suck at having an eating disorder like you see yourself eat normally for a couple days and you’re like “wow i really gotta do better with my ed” as if it’s a hobby you gotta put more effort into. then feel like you don’t actually have an ed because you let yourself eat normally.

what the f. this is why i am fat. i can’t do anything right. cant even starve myself correctly.

over 48hrs since my last calorie.

it always feels like the first day is the hardest to get through but as soon as i wake up from the first sleep it’s like i got this shit. i’m laying in bed now feeling like a skinny legend and my stomach growling is music to my ears. like stop being so dramatic you’re not that hungry.

how long will i go this time? the feeling of being empty fuels me. i love feeling like this. i am in control. and being in control is a high i’m addicted to.

stay hydrated babies <3

my doctor said weight gain could be a side effect from one of my new medications. jokes on him. to gain weight i gotta eat and now you’ve given me a reason to restrict more heavily. sorry bud

ever feel like if you stretch your skin far enough you’ll be able to finally crawl out of the vessel and be free?

pulling at my skin like it’s an uncomfortable sweater that i cannot get out of.

i’m fading to nothing. i’m starting new medication and it has weight gain as a side effect and that’s terrifying and makes me feel like i only need to restrict more. my demons are pulling me down. and i turn 21 in a week and i’m not looking forward to that. everyone’s asking what i want to do and im like sorry i didn’t think i’d make it this far tbh i got no ideas.

psa to my followers and whomever comes across this post and my blog:

i have said this before and i will say this again. save yourself before it’s too late. i appreciate all of you. every single person who has interacted with me or my posts... with that being said. i am so so sorry that you have came across my thoughts that have turned into a blog.

you are all perfect. do not follow in my footsteps for i am a cancer to myself. be better than me. work towards recovery for me, as i do not have the strength myself, be stronger than me.

i understand that a post like this may be meaningless to those who are in as deep as i am, however, if i left this earth today, i want to leave behind the message that you still have time to escape. you are beautiful. you are more than a number. a jean size. and you and your feelings are valid.

stay hydrated. stay safe. you are valid.

i started this slimming tea detox thing and i’m literally shitting everything but my organs but i feel so light and not bloated and i will gladly shit my pants if it means i feel better about myself

PSA

I think i speak for every ED blog when i say that even though i hate myself and my body - i do not think the same about any of my followers.

you could weigh 200lbs more than me and i still would not think you’re ugly, MY body dysmorphia and MY ED does not extend to you

i always say tomorrow i’ll do better and then i fail. my life is spiraling out of control and the rope burn i’m getting from trying to hang onto this pitiful existence is severe. i just want to know what i look like. i want to love what i look like but i’m afraid i won’t until i take my last breath. i can feel myself getting fatter with every bite i take. i’m ready to lock myself in my room for the next week with 7 gallons of water and call it being proactive.

this is me letting y’all know i’m still alive.

my life is an endless cycle of starving for days, feeling great, breaking the fast with a meal. hating myself for eating that meal and then starving again.

atleast i’m keeping one thing consistent...

not pregnant got the period still a fat fuck. here’s your update

i’ve been eating like a fucking cow. why bro. like what is the cause??? i’m either pregnant, going to get my period soon, or just a fat fuck. so i’ll keep y’all updated (:

i’ve been eating like a fucking cow. why bro. like what is the cause??? i’m either pregnant, going to get my period soon, or just a fat fuck. so i’ll keep y’all updated (:

just ate for the first time since monday... i had sushi. i feel so guilty i want to cry. i just want to love myself and be happy and eat. but i hate myself. i hate eating. i want to evaporate.

since losing weight i am now an honory member of the itty bitty titty committee. they’re cute sure i guess. but i really do miss my boobs. like where tf did they go. take my arm fat and give me my tiddies back plzzzzzz

he just wants me to eat so i’ll get fatter and no one else will want me. that is my conclusion.

ha ha jokes on u bud, i hope u like fucking a skeleton!!!!!!

check on your friends and mutuals. my dms are always open for anything. not loving myself gives me so much love to give to all of you.

stay hydrated. take your vitamins. be safe.

just a reminder

i. do. not. promote. eating. disorders. of. any. kind. whatsoever.

if you are trying to recover, please, get the fuck away from my blog.

the reason i have this blog is for my own motivation.

seek help: 1-800-931-2237