As a musical theater fan, flirting is so hard. Like, do I drop a chandelier on him? Do I sneak in through his window in the middle of the night? Do I tell him he strikes me as a woman who has never been satisfied? Do I give him a paper flower? Do I go to punch him in the eye but kiss him instead? Do I tell him that if I took a meat cleaver down the center of his skull, I’d have matching halves? Do I throw an ear of corn across the room in his line of sight? Do I turn him into a scarecrow? Do I tell him I’m not moving into a nunnery? Do I pretend to be friends with his dead brother? Do I set him up with the girl of his dreams and then sing a song about how he never notices me? Somebody help. I suck at this.