My definition of "NOT DEPENDING ON YOU"

-means i wont ride on your trike nor motor anymore. I will commute.

-not waiting for you to buy us food for lunch..i wont wait at 12:00 til 12:30.. i will either eat alone..eat with my friends..or go home early to eat at home to see my kids kami and kaizer

-doing HhC early so that when you go home, you will not see me. I will be upstairs doing whatever just to avoid you. Because i have my own life now. And you're not part of it.

-next on the list,,, i have to think about it.

Let's see ...

I always dream that everytime we fight, you will move next to me. And hug me. And say Im sorry even if it is my fault. And i will tell you im sorry for being selfish and immature. Thank you for always keeping your patience on me.

BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS.

It never happened.

You see? If you can only see. I am just a person needing some love. But you always want to win. Congrats!

Our relationship is broken.

You can now adopt a penguin plush at chibird.com/penguin for even more penguin hugs! 🥰

I hope it is your. It is always you

I like to imagine little ghosts are cheering for you when you feel the most down. They must know what it feels like to be sad and alone, and they hope their ghostly encouragement can reach you! ♡

Chibird store | Positive Pin Club | Instagram

Grabi nadin pala talaga noon..but looking back, ang immature talaga when you look back in the past. But here i am again, writing what i feel right now. And when it becomes just part of the past, maybe I'll think of it just one of my immaturities. But these are how i feel. And today it is valid.

January 14, 2018

Kanina pinag-uusapan namin ng kaibigan ko… Sabi nya “Ka, ibalik mo yung dating ikaw. Ibalik mo yung dati mong feelings kay Emil. Nalulungkot ako. Gusto ko baguhin mo ang sarili mo. Gusto kong maging happy ka din sa married life mo… ” Ako naman itong “Sige. I’ll try. ”… Isang mapait na I’ll try. I’ll try dahil yun naman talaga ang gusto ko. I’ll try dahil siguro nga mahal ko pa talaga sya. Pero yung pagmamahal nakatago sa pinakailalim at nahihirapan akong hugutin. Nahihirapan akong hugutin dahil ang love it’s a two-way ride… Yung puso ko kasi sobrang napagod na. Sobrang nadiin na sa negativities about love. Na kapag pag-uusapan ang love maiinggit nalang ako sa ibang tao kasi ako….. Hindi ko na mahanap. Hindi ko na makita. Alam ko hindi lang din naman sya ang may kasalanan. Sabi ko nga it’s a two-way ride. Alam ko napakalaki din ng mga kasalanan ko. Ng mga pagkukulang ko. Para umabot kami sa ganito. Para umabot sa ganito ang feelings ko. Alam ko ako din ang nagtrigger ng lahat for us to end like this.. Wala naman talagang major major na ginawa sya o ginawa ako… Pero napakaliliit na sobrang dami na. Na naglead sa pagtago ng love para ipakita sa isa’t isa.. To the point na dumadating ako sa point ng life ko na ayaw ko na isuot ang ring. Kasi ano pa ang point ng pagsuot ko ng ring.. Kung everytime we’ll fight at little things and dont fix it. Hinahayaan nalang na di man lang marunong magsorry sa isa’t-isa. Hindi lang din naman kasi un talaga maliit o simple eh. Siguro nga simple pero paulit ulit nang paulit ulit. Na ayoko na. Hindi ko matake. Of all ayaw kong pinagtataasan ako ng boses. Of all ayaw kong kung may problema ka sa akin sabihin mo nang maayos hindi yung isasabi mo na makakasakit kana sa mga salita mo. Sabi nga ng grupo nila, “RESPECT AND DISCIPLINE ”. All my life never kong nakita ang papa ko na pinagtaasan ng boses si mama gaano man nakakapikon ang ugali ni mama. All my life… Well siguro nga it will never work dahil iba iba naman ang mga tao.

I know I’m not perfect. I know i have a lot of loop holes in me… May pagkatamad ako.. May pagkatamad ako. May pagkatamad ako. Pero hind din naman siguro. Siguro masyado lang akong nalibang. Na gagawin ko naman basta kausapin mo lang ako nang maayos.. Na somehow nahahassle akong gawin minsan ang isang bagay kasi minsan nadidiri ako. Oo ganyan nga ako. Pero yung pagtataasan mo ako ng boses dahil sa simpleng bagay hindi ko matatanggap. Hindi naman siguro ako ganun kasama para pagtaasan mo ng boses. Ako baga to. Ako baga si Karen na dapat talaga pag nasalitaan mo ng ganyan tatahimik nalang at magmumukmok dahil nasaktan mo sa pagtaas mo ng boses. Pero hindi. Ako na baga itong si Karen na ang approach sayo everytime pagtataasan mo ng boses eh lalaban na at sasabihan kang “ano nanaman baga ang problema mo? Inaano baga kita? Lahat nalang sa akin mo sinisisi!”… Masaklap. Masaklap kasi everytime pinagtataasan mo ako ng boses o kaya pinapahiya mo ako dahil gusto mong mag inflict ng pain (siguro para turuan ako ng leksyon o anuman) eh YOU ARE NEVER TALKING TO YOUR WIFE. You are talking to somebody. Because if you are talking to your wife, edi sana with love diba…

Kahapon i saw a letter of someone on our wedding day… Ang sabi nya “Ka wag nang maging immature ha”… At ang message nya naman para kay emil eh “hope u have a lot of patience”… Yes im wondering kung ako nga ba ang problema o sya. Or is it a two way round? I think it’s a two-way round. Oo. Alam ko immature ako. Immature parin ako. At di na yun mababago kasi ako ito. Pero hindi sapat talaga yun para pagsalitaan mo ako.. Mabait naman akong tao. Alam ko yan sa sarili ko. Kaya kong maging sunud sunuran basta tama lang ang pagtrato sa akin.

Nabalitaan ko rin na ikinasal na si Lawrence. i am happy for Nomelyn. I am truly happy for them. Dahil they proved to me na sya na talaga ang para kay Lawrence.. Mabuti naman at nagmature na si Lawrence. Nakaka inspire tumingin sa relationships ng iba… Because you wish it also for your own. Nakita ko rin ang relationship nina Pone at Almira. Da best. Nakakatuwa si Pone. Mahal nya talaga ng asawa nya kaya naman ibinabalik din sakanya ni Almira wholeheartedly. Yung mga ganung relationships lalo na kina almira. Yun ung nakaka inspire..

I know we can be just like them AGAIN.. If we only love again. I guess.

i'm so tired of being always the bad one in the relationship. when all i want is love.

you always win. i am always the bad one. especially when it comes to your family.

im tired of all the arguments. the same never ending argument. i know you're so sick of that too. im tired. you're tired.

And you dont want me to depend on you anymore. Okay.

Starting tomorrow i will not be depending on you about everything anymore. No more. You're right i have to this by myself.. you'll see. And you'll miss me. Because not depending on you anymore means i can stand by myself and WON'T BE NEEDING YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.

It just saddens me that you think of me as a burden.. i hope you live a long life..and witness how i will not depend and BE A BURDEN on you anymore.

You're right. I CAN STAND ON MY OWN.

i’m so tired of my wrong decisions. i wanna be done.

Super Useful Tips For Students to Become Professional Content Writers

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  1.     Read a lot

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Keep reading

Mga Kabiguan

The past MT Assessments have caused me a lot of emotional damage. The first I thought I could not bear but I have surpassed, but this second has caused me emotional damaged and trauma that made me feel weak about myself -- made me feel so small. 

Being kind won’t take you anywhere. I hate it when I always ended up reflecting about myself. In the end, it is always my fault for being so weak. 

ang awkward noh? 🎄🎄🎄 https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ8WwBnrk7u/?utm_medium=tumblr

Pangiti ngiti lang yarn pero masakit puso nyan ni ateng 😁 https://www.instagram.com/p/CY_Fo9Nry3D/?utm_medium=tumblr

Mga pasaway pero always love ng mameeh. 😘😘 https://www.instagram.com/p/CYO7JMJhtah/?utm_medium=tumblr

Bunso Kamiya 🌺 https://www.instagram.com/p/CX7gojJr47K/?utm_medium=tumblr

Ate ni Kaira namin.. na baby padin. 😘 https://www.instagram.com/p/CX7d4hTBdqL/?utm_medium=tumblr

Kaizer ni mommy. Lablab yan... 😘 https://www.instagram.com/kichelle08/p/CX7dtXABh4D/?utm_medium=tumblr

I am needy. I am not contented. I am selfish. https://www.instagram.com/p/CXoeh7shYXD/?utm_medium=tumblr

Constantly hiding behind the kind, the contented, the happy.. but the truth is i am exactly the opposite. https://www.instagram.com/p/CXoeVYBBjX1/?utm_medium=tumblr

Have just realized tonight that I am unworthy of being loved. 🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/CXod5U1h53L/?utm_medium=tumblr