k10tokima - Tumblr blog

k10tokima · 29 days

Text

Hello, it's been a while! Dear friends. I turned 40 today. Since I was a child, I planned to leave this world when I turned 40. But I'm alive. I've been suffering for as long as I can remember, for 35 years. There is a mysterious malfunction somewhere in my body. And I think I've had bipolar disorder type II since I was young. I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder recently. I've always thought it was a neurodevelopmental disorder, but maybe it's that too. I can't get those diagnoses (because there's no hospital in my area!).

●But I can think that I'm a little okay now. I've been receiving visiting nurses recently. I don't have friends or family I can talk to. It's my fault. I've also cut ties with my friends on social media. It might be because of my illness. I find it difficult to rely on someone, so I rely on social resources in Japan.

●I'm still resting. A lot has happened in the past few years. Happy things, regrets, anger, sadness, despair. Now I'm trying to get away from them as much as possible. Suicidal thoughts are always in my head. I always vaguely want to die. But I am alive because there are people who help me.

●My family is dysfunctional. And my grandmother passed away recently. I received a picture postcard that my grandmother made before she died that said "I'm rooting for you." My heart is very confused. I was always convinced that my family didn't love me. But that's right, and at the same time, maybe it's a little wrong. At my grandmother's funeral, our family came together for the first time. It's a very strange story. My sibling's pet dog (Kohaku) is very adorable. But I was not able to build a relationship with my family like Kohaku did. I want to continue to keep the right distance from my family. I think it's better for us to be strangers.

●I get tired very easily, so I can't draw at all. I'm glad that I've drawn so many illustrations of the world that I love. They heal me. How happy I would be if I could draw them again. Maybe one day I'll draw them again. I live with vague despair and my beloved fox stuffed animals. I don't know what will happen from now on.

Now I'm scared to get involved with anyone. Maybe I've hurt a lot of people. Maybe it's not true. But I'm scared because I don't know. So from now on, I want to live quietly, trying not to get involved with anyone as much as possible.

●My bipolar disorder makes me hypomanic when I do fun or positive things. So I get hypomanic when I do fun things or create things...drawing pictures or creating things. This is very troubling. But I want to think there is a way to do it well so that I don't get hypomanic. I want to upload the Middle Earth stories I've created so far to AO3 little by little.

●My mental illness has finally started to be treated. I may continue to live alone. I want to live alone, relying on social resources.

My adorable friends♥

Poko-chan🦊, Mikan-san🦊, Oimo-san🦊, Gon-chan🦊

↓my foxes Instagram🦊

↓my life Instagram

20240327

#my diary #my birthday

6 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 10 months

Text

✼••┈┈••✼••┈┈••✼ ••┈┈••✼••┈┈••✼

Hey guys❤💛🧡💜💚💙

I'm still not feeling well, but I went to see MOULIN ROUGE THE MUSICAL! This is also a QUEER🏳‍🌈 musical, right?

I had very fuxxing PRIDE MONTH , but this musical cheered me up a bit.

And I think, did this musical support anything about queerness? Are you referring to trans people? I haven't seen it in Japan.

If anyone has seen this musical, please let me know.

2023/07/01

ずっと大好きなムーラン・ルージュ！の映画のミュージカル版、ようやく観劇しました！ずーーーっと楽しみにしてました😂✨

おともは、ぽこちゃん🦊♡

感染対策がずさんな日本なのでかなり完全装備してますが、それでも不安です。でもチケットいっぱい買ってるので健康第一で気をつけて通います。

映画にもモブにクィア表象がチラッとあったけど、ミュージカル版は「えっっっ！？クリスチャン以外全員何かしらのクィアじゃないの！？」とクィアリーディングしてます。

ブロードウェイに観に行った人達のブログなどから現代版にアレンジされてるとは聞いてましたが、かなり確かに2020年前後に向けたアレンジだなと感じました。

より力強くシスターフッドであり連帯がありフェミニズムもあり、友愛や親愛やツンデレloveやクィアloveもあり、とにかくfemdomだなぁ！！！！

とにかくサティーンが自分の人生を生きるという美しくも強さが際立ち、ダンサーたちの連帯や血縁が関係ないファミリーの話だったなぁ。

クリスチャンはなんかより不安定で「必要なのはアブサンじゃなくて精神医療だろ！！」と思いつつ、あの時代にはそれが今よりかなりリテラシーも治療方法も悪かっただろうからアブサンが流行ってたのよな〜という、妙なリアル感がありましたね…

バズ・ラーマン、バチイケシス男性のヘテロラブをぶち壊していい泣き顔を見たいんだろうなと思ってたので、このミュージカルはさらにそのあたりを強調してて良かったんじゃないかな(日本版に一番感動したみたいだし)

私としてはニニが推しなので、素晴らしくて最高で大喜びでした。カエディーさん最高です！！！

そしてドラァグクイーンというベイビー・ドールが超可愛かった！！しかしながらトランスパーソンでも良かったのではと思うこともあり。「大丈夫よ、ゴージャスなレディ！」と言われてたし、あの時代にはトランスパーソンの言葉はあったのか無かったのかちょっとわからないな…脚本やスタッフやキャストたちがどういうつもりで演じてるのか探りきれなかったけど、あんまり現状(日本も世界中もトランス差別→LGBTQ+差別は酷くなってる😭)はわかってないんじゃないか？ここまでやるならトランスフラッグ🏳️‍⚧️やレインボーフラッグ🏳‍🌈くらい掲げたりしてもいいんじゃないの？？と思わざるを得なかったです。PRIDE月間だったしね…

それでも妹のように皆と仲良しなのが嬉しかったです！！！！世界よマジでこうであれ！！！！PRIDE月間の終わりに観たことでエンパワメントされたことは事実です。嬉しかった…！！

あとねーーー本当にサントラが最高です。映画の小ネタもバッチリあり、長年のムーラン・ルージュのオタクとしては感激でした。

6/26と6/30に観ました。思いがけずウィンドミルチームのプレ公演初日と本公演初日でした😂✨千秋楽もほぼこのメンバーなので楽しみ〜！

2023/07/01

#my diary #moulin rouge #moulinrouge the musical #nonbinary #agender #queer #lgbtq #trans #pride month

12 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

文学フリマ東京36に出店します〜！

📍ブース:J-03

🗓5/21(日) 12:00〜開催

✅入場無料

🏢東京流通センター第一展示場

📕イベント詳細→ ↓

📖本の詳細の載ったwebカタログはこちらです(ZINE＆アクセサリーの委託あり💍✨)↓↓

Twitterはここ↓↓

https://twitter.com/new_k10onlyarts?t=JRmxJEKzsDfNKksUza92dA&s=09

まだまだ作業中！

2023/05/14

#my art #Stranger's Melancholia #BL #queer #文学フリマ #information

10 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

わたしのかわいいパートナーさんたち🦊🦊🦊

地元のバラ園はいつもより早めに行ったので、早咲きのバラがとても綺麗でした。

大好きなバラはこれからだね。

去年はみかんさん🦊とだけだったけど、今年はごんちゃん🦊とぽこちゃん🦊と一緒で嬉しかったです。

2023/05/02

#my diary #きつねのみかん #@mikan_the_fox #nonbinary #agender #queer #lgbtqia+

9 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

hey friends♡my new blog is born✨

This place seems to be mainly Japanese. I will write poems and daily life.

Even in Japan today, Twitter is very discriminatory against trans people and it's very painful. And yet I am alive.

2023/04/22

海は常に正しい(from The Power of The Ring)

ノンバイナリー？Aジェンダー？最近はジェンダー・アイデンティティを定めない人でいる。

お迎えして1年のノンバイナリーフレンズなぬいぐるみ(ひざきつね、サンレモン)の、みかんさん🦊、ごんちゃん🦊

そして11月にお迎えしたぽこちゃん🦊(サン・アロー)

2023/04/18

#my diary #@Mikan_the_fox #nonbinary #agender #lgbtqia #queer

7 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

This is a picture I drew recently. I like TRIGUN STAMPEDE.

This is my OC, Tissa Klauser.

And my best friends🦊🦊🦊

I made a Twitter account for uploading illustrations.

In Japan, there is a lot of discrimination against trans people. I'm an AFAB non-binary and AGender. I am also discriminated against. I lost a lot of friends, most of my Twitter friends have become transhaters.

I'm so sad But I still have many friends. I'm fighting beneath the surface.

This collection of links is written in Japanese as follows. "A collection of links for not excluding anyone". Here is a summary of the life of a transperson, fact-checking of hoaxes, etc. I made it to save the trouble of explaining to beginners.

This video is my dear friend's video. It also has English subtitles.

It's a wonderful video that will give you a lot of courage, so please watch it! The book I made is also reflected in the video. I want to be strong like her!

youtube

2023/03/24

#k10tokima art #my daily #agender #nonbinary #trans #aroace #quoiromantic #omnisexual #lgbtqia+#queer #きつねのみかん #@Mikan_the_fox

17 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

my non-binary friends♡

Mikan-san🦊、Poko-chan🦊、Gon-chan🦊

I also cut my hair short. Cool, right?

I'm happy to wear makeup and feel that a non-binary style suits me.

I wanted to be a fox, so I bought fox ears!🦊

2022/12/22

#my daily #non bianry #@Mikan_the_fox #きつねのみかん

8 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

hello! I finally posted on AO3! I'm posting in Japanese, but please translate. I will continue to post novels I made in the past!

I also recreated the Tolkien and Creative Twitter accounts. Follow me if you like♡

2022/12/18

#bilbofur #boffins #k10tokima art #bofur #bilbo baggins #the hobbit #LOTR #ao3 #my twitter

20 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

It's been a long time since I drew these lovely people.

Bilbo and Bofur

2022/11/28

#k10tokima art #bilbofur #boffins #bilbo baggins #bofur #the hobbit

102 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 1 year

Text

long time no see! I'm feeling better.

In Japan, I was able to watch The Power of The Ring from 9/2. It was so interesting!

And for the first time in Japan, the Lord of the Rings trilogy was screened in IMAX. I've seen it all!

How are you? I recently identified as Nonbinary, Agender.

I've had a lot going on until today and I'm exhausted. I started going to counseling.

I made a zine for LGBTQ+ with my new non-binary friends. The ZINE was very well received.

But then I ran into a lot of problems. People who hate me have been harassing me.

But I had many friends. Many friends became my friends.

Now I am taking care of myself.

I enjoyed The Power of The Ring while I was caring, and IMAX for The Lord of the Rings.

I'm back on Tumblr again! I hope you get along well again.

2022/11/01

Mikan-san🦊 and Gon-chan🦊 are my non-binary friends♡♡♡

#k10tokima art #my daily #non bianry #きつねのみかん #@Mikan_the_fox

19 notes · View notes

k10tokima · 2 years

Video

they/them

pride month every month <3

[video description: a video of op, a white person with long brown hair, from the waist up. they stand outside wearing metal armor and bring a longsword up to rest on their shoulder. they then smile and start waving a large rainbow pride flag. instrumental music plays in the background. end video description.]

1K notes · View notes

k10tokima · 2 years

Text