A knotty problem

I have to start by mentioning a lady called Kitti. She was owner of an establishment where a lady could go and have her hair done, get a massage and numerous other small treatments that help boost a lady’s self-esteem. At various times I had read my poems to her clients as they waited for their hair to dry or had various other somewhat longwinded procedures. It was all great fun, the banter was…

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A master of horses.

I have lived in this city all my life, yet still there are things about it which surprise me. Walk the streets, observe the people, and all life is there. The good, the bad, the radiant beauty with graceful step, and the round shouldered usurer, weighed down with responsibilities. But as you walk, watch where you put your feet. Otherwise you’ll have to stop and clean the horse muck off your…

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The world is changing but nobody important wants to notice

Funny how some things never change. Sixty years ago I was busy with a fork and wheelbarrow cleaning out a heifer shippon. I was no more than eight at the time. This morning, there I was, with fork and wheelbarrow, mucking out heifers again. Admittedly my younger self would have appreciated the developments in muck fork technology. The one I’m using now is lighter, with a hollow metal shaft. The…

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So who is in charge?

It has to be confessed that I am not one who rubs shoulders with the highest aristocracy of our fair city. Admittedly there are those who claim that as a group the Naainese aristocracy are so inbred that they can barely find their own buttocks with both hands. This is probably an exaggeration based on two or three unfortunate examples. The core families are the Naain, the Devas, the Portesque,…

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It Ain't Half Hot Mum

According to its website, “Wildlife and Countryside Link (Link) is the largest environment and wildlife coalition in England, bringing together 82 organisations to use their strong joint voice for the protection of nature.” They provided parliament with evidence to show that the British countryside is a “racist colonial” white space. This begs a lot of questions. Why is the countryside a white…

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Dubious Business Practices

I have often felt that the real sadness in the life of Mordan Casketrule was that he had managed to fall into two entirely disreputable professions.In his youth he was regarded as intelligent with an analytical and enquiring mind. He was a success at university but was tempted into the study of the magical arts. This, in and of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. Herbalists of all sorts are…

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The money available for Agricultural and Environmental schemes

In the UK both major parties have been promising that there will be more money spent on environmental regeneration. Also politicians are now starting to pay lip service to food security. Sir Kier Starmer promised that “The next Labour government will commit to this – 50% of all food purchased by the public sector will be food produced locally and sustainably.” He also said that “food security is…

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A Difficult Letter

At this point I think I ought to stress that Mistress Hillfire was not a witch. I think herbalist would be a better description of the profession she drifted into. For the overly pedantic I am willing to allow ‘herbalist with chanting and ritual’ but still she was not a witch. She was in point of fact an entirely respectable single lady of independent but limited means. This meant that it would…

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A friend of ‘The Lady.’

Chocky Dungbottle, aka ‘Bluidy Bart’, ‘Daft Dann’ and ‘Cutthroat Caggan’, was a bandit. Admittedly this was in Partann where being a bandit has a similar social cachet to being a collector of customs, a journalist, or one of those who works as an enforcer for semi-public enterprises. It’s not that young ladies will spurn you, it’s just they work on the principle that you will inevitable earn your…

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Travelling Hopefully?

I insist that Hurbart Donk was not a bad man. He had redeeming features. Dogs trusted him absolutely. Small children doted on him. He was reasonably prompt in paying his bills and was even known to overlook small debts owed to him by poets. No he was not a bad man. In his youth he had been a young man about town and had lived life to the full. He recognised at least four children who were…

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Nice but not exciting

Norran Talwintle was a pleasant enough chap. I remember him being on the fringes of various affairs I was performing at. He was born to a comfortably wealthy family. He had been conventionally educated; so he was well read, could play a couple of instruments reasonably well, and knew enough to pursue the accounts of the family businesses and estates and comprehend them. He had a good figure,…

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Careful with his money.

I wouldn’t say that Griser Dank had an undeserved reputation for meanness. Indeed he was probably one of Port Naain’s ‘leading’ misers. To be fair, this was a considerable achievement. The city has any number of such folk, many of whom seem to regard their inclusion in the list of those obviously aiming for the title to be a matter of pride. Old Dank was head and shoulders above the rest. To be…

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A Social Butterfly?

I suppose I have always known Silvania Threen (nee Harbotten). Her Grandmother was one of my first patrons, and I remember Silvania being introduced to the assembled company in her mother’s arms. In my defence, against the slurs of those who say that I am showing my age, I was very young then, just starting on my career. Even Silvania’s mother seemed like a very mature matron to me. Still she, in…

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The Gingerbread Man

Obviously, gingerbread is a matter of personal taste. For me it has to be almost black, perhaps a bit sticky due to the molasses added, and it has to be cake. Indeed the cook cuts you a slice, and if the cake has managed to survive into a second day, it is acceptable to smear a little bit of butter on, just as you would with any other bread.But I accept that there are some for whom gingerbread is…

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A stern letter

Nettina Coldharbour was perhaps one of the more ‘put upon’ ladies of my acquaintance. Her mother, Volumptua, was still living, a termagant, a fearsome matriarch who ruled the family with a rod of iron. She demanded the highest moral standards from her family and spoke slightingly of their most trivial misdemeanours. She was forever contrasting them with her own demure and decorous behaviour as a…

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Pugilistic Theology

As you read this you must remember that temple wardens are excused theology. Apparently we have a tendency to snigger during the lectures which sets a bad example for other students who are supposed to take it seriously. Thus temple wardens are sometimes referred to as ‘the secular arm’. But apparently, early in the course, the lecturer will write on the blackboard the question, ‘What colour are…

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Asking difficult questions

Darth Starmentor was, by profession, a necromancer. Now it has to be admitted that these tend to be somewhat furtive individuals. They often lack social graces, fashion sense, or even a passing acquaintance with the concept of personal hygiene. Darth was something of an exception to the rule. This was probably because he had an older, married, sister. She had several children and Darth doted on…

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