jason-fkn-todd
because he took me away from you
• Sophia • 20 • Germany •
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Arkham Knight: *blows up a bridge, attacks Batman, helps Scarecrow terrorize an entire city*
me:
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I'm thinking about ending it again and i don't even care about the consequences, i just want out.
— my mind won't shut up
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“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”
—
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“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everybody is doing so many things with their lives and I am just here.. achieving nothing. I wonder if that’s all I will ever be, nothing.”
—
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Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better
— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )
— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient
— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.
— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.
— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.
— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way
— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.
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Photo
UNDER THE RED HOOD
A baby bird smashed with a crowbar
fan art
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My special talent is assuming our friendship is a burden on you and you dread hearing from me. So then I stop talking to you to ease the load and ruin what we had
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“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everyone is doing so many things with their lives. I am just here. Frozen. I have been a ghost for years. I wonder if that is all I will ever be.”
—
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when bo was talking about how after 5 years of trying to get better mentally so he could perform on stage again without having a panic attack he decided to give it a try in 2020 and then everything happened, like is there something more heartbreaking than trying to fix yourself and taking your chances for the world to just shove you back into your shell
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